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There was nothing to do on that day or the next. The promotions were over, everything was a success and the break was more than deserved. As for Eunchae and Kazuha, they decided to sleep as much as they couldn’t sleep during the busy schedule; as for Yunjin, she decided to visit some friends or walk around different places of the city to get inspired for a new song, and as for Chaewon and Sakura…
—Would you like to drink with me?
Sakura didn’t have a plan, just stay in her place and watch TV until she fell asleep and repeat. Typical of people who love their space and alone time. And Chaewon was much the same, with the difference that sometimes she got tired of what she was doing and new ideas sprouted in her head.
—Now?
This idea of drinking was a clear example.
—I just felt like it. —Chaewon said, not taking her eyes off her phone, while Sakura didn’t take hers off the TV screen. —But if you don’t want to, it's okay. I can do it alone.
—It’s not fun to drink alone. —Sakura frowns at such an image of a lonely person drinking in her room. That is depressing, she thinks and then shakes her head to focus on Chaewon who is now looking at her. Her eyes were bright as always, even if there wasn’t much light.
At that image, Sakura sighs and begins to nod.
—All right, let’s drink.
…
It’s hard to deny something to Chaewon, Sakura realized that since they were in Izone. While they weren’t close and she wasn’t one of Chaewon’s first options, she could see throughout those couple of years that Chaewon had enough charisma to convince the others, older or younger, to do what she had in mind, at least most of the time. And now that it was just the two of them and they had become close, she could experience it firsthand: “Chaewon’s charms”.
Which was basically that intensity in her eyes that pierced her soul.
And it 100% worked, because now Sakura was holding a can of beer (of the brand Chaewon has been promoting), the coldness of it reaching her fingers and leaving them numb making her switch hands.
—Do you want me to open it? —Chaewon asks and Sakura gives her the can. Chaewon struggles, but in the end she manages to do it. Sakura half smiles. —Hey, don’t make fun of me. —Chaewon says as she returns the can remembering the many times she had to practice for the commercial to come out in the best way.
Sakura doesn’t respond, instead she raises her can so Chaewon touch it with hers. When it happens both take a sip, Chaewon’s being longer than Sakura’s, and when their lips move away and the characteristic sound that a person makes when drinking something refreshing is heard, both girls let out a relaxed laugh.
—I’m happy the promotions are over. —Chaewon says after the silence between them that only the TV could cover. —I feel like we’ve grown.
—We have sold more than last time. —Sakura says, remembering the number that Euchae shouted when they were in the studio.
—I was talking about us. —Chaewon says and takes another sip before hugging her body tighter, making herself look smaller in the big hoodie she was wearing. —We have matured and improved both individually and as a group. —Chaewon pauses, thoughtful. Sakura doesn’t know what she is going to say but from the look on her face she can tell it would be something cheesy.
—I’m proud of us. —and there it was, the cheesiness. —And I feel good about the decision I made about joining the group. —and also the emotionality.
Sakura is not good with emotional things. She is not good at comforting, giving words of encouragement and even less good at talking about her feelings in such a free way. She knows Chaewon is also like that, but when it is just the two of them Chaewon allows herself to be more open and vulnerable.
Chaewon lets herself be seen by Sakura. Sakura appreciates it and is aware she should do the same even if she finds it a little hard.
Well, nothing like having a drink to help her with that.
After what would be a five second sip, Sakura sets her can down and leans back on the couch, looking at the ceiling.
—I was scared. —she says after a few seconds. —I never said it, but I was afraid to accept the proposal and how it was all going to work… I know I’ve been in the industry for many years and I shouldn’t feel that way about changes, but I’m not that brave. New things scare me.
—Everyone is afraid, even the bravest people. —Chaewon responds, her whole body now facing Sakura whose eyes are still looking at the ceiling. —The difference between being brave and not is the step you take to do what you are afraid to do. —Chaewon feels an impulse and places one of her hands on Sakura’s, capturing her attention. —And seeing all that you have gone through, I am certain that you are very brave.
The air in Sakura’s lungs remained halfway at those words and at the sincerity and affection in Chaewon’s tone. She had to breathe slowly so as not to make the lump in her throat bigger. Or maybe she should drink more to undo it.
—You are brave too, Chae. —She manages to say after emptying the can of beer.
Chaewon smiles, satisfied with the answer.
…
They finished their third can and Sakura could feel her ears warm and had the sensation that everything was going slower than normal. Chaewon just laughed, her shoulder being the support for the older girl’s head.
They were both watching a movie when suddenly Sakura slips her arms around Chaewon’s shoulders and gives her a tight hug, getting her to let out a whimper.
—Yah! What was that?! —Chaewon asks Sakura, who now had loosened her hug but had not undone it. Chaewon turned her head and found Sakura’s face very close. —Are you okay?
—I’m glad I debuted with you. —Sakura said suddenly, causing Chaewon to open her eyes wide. At such an unexpected and direct statement she felt confused.
And when she felt her cheek was kissed, nervousness set in and pushed Sakura away. She didn’t do it hard, still, Sakura dropped heavily onto the couch and let out a laugh.
—Kim Chaewon is nervous~ —Sakura teased while Chaewon kept her hand on the cheek that had been invaded by Sakura’s lips before.
Then, Chaewon looked at the floor and counted the cans on Sakura's side. They were the same number as hers. But, she is not Sakura and Sakura is not her; they have different alcohol tolerance.
She must have foreseen it because now she thinks she’s dealing with a drunk Sakura. And from what she’s been told, she can get on a… very friendly level.
—Chaewon-ah, come here. —Sakura patted the spot next to her. Her movements were slow as well as her way of speaking. She had lost her.
—I don’t think-
—Come on! I have to tell you something. No kisses! I promise. —Sakura says and makes an X with her arms. Seeing her persistence, Chaewon nods and sits where Sakura had told her.
Now, it’s Sakura’s turn to get up and under Chaewon’s attentive gaze she sits on the floor, between Chaewon’s legs, one of these being a support for her head.
This is… odd. Chaewon had never seen this facet of Sakura, a kind of facet resembling one of a cat that had just woken up from a nap and was looking for the warmth of its owner.
—You should get up. It 's cold. —Chaewon warned and was going to continue talking, signaling the possibility that she might get sick, but Sakura prevented it by placing a finger on her lips.
— Could you please shut up? I'm trying to confess my feelings for you.
This time, Chaewon knows she heard wrong or Sakura didn’t use the right words.
—What? —She said. more nervously than hesitantly.
—To be honest, the chances of me seeing you again were up to here. —Sakura ignored her, her hand placed almost reaching the floor. Chaewon frowned, an adorable image to see but one that Sakura omitted as she was focused on not taking her head off the other’s leg, her breath colliding with it. —Almost at the end… well, at the very end if I’m being honest.
—I’m not getting it. –Chaewon says to a drunken Sakura, some irritation in her voice at not knowing the point Sakura wanted to make.
—You and I were not very close. I don’t know if it was because of my language limitations at that time, the age difference or the fact we are not the extrovert type… What I want to say is. —Sakura straightens up and lets out a chuckle at the sight of an even more confused Chaewon. —Even so, the decision we made after Izone disbanded made us meet again. The chances were small, but we managed to take them and here we are… I… Chaewon, I just want to say that getting to be by your side was one of the best things destiny could give me.
And with that she felt it; Chaewon felt the warmth reach her face. It was no longer necessary for her to have a hoodie on, Sakura’s words were a warm breeze and her eyes were like sunlight in the summertime, so bright. But, the thing is Chaewon does not like summer or heat or anything related, so comparing Sakura to that was contradictory and confusing. Although, right now she is acting like that, contrary to her usual self, confusing Chaewon.
—I’m glad to have you here, as a leader, as someone I can trust, as a great support when I feel like things are getting hard. With you being here it’s not so scary anymore.
This is huge, Chaewon can’t take this. She wasn’t used to so much emotional openness from the eldest of the group, to so much praise or to have all the attention on her. She felt small, her hands were sweating and she didn’t know what to say.
Should she say something in the first place? Looking at Sakura’s expectant look, the answer is more than obvious.
—I… Yes… Thank you. —that was the only thing she could get out. Chaewon wanted to scold herself for such a poor answer. —I’m sorry, this is all so sudden. —she hides her face in her hands and lets out a heavy sigh. Sakura shook her head and stood up. She took Chaewon’s hands, making her face to be seen again. She has no place to hide.
Sunset was setting, the movie was in the final credits and Sakura was still holding onto Chaewon’s hands, her eyes half closed.
—I’m sleepy. —Sakura blurts out. She tries to open her eyes but fails in the attempt as she wobbles to one side. Chaewon made the grip tighter and stood suddenly after seeing the tiredness in Sakura.
Without wasting time and using some strength she led Sakura to her room and as she opened the door and tucked her in she stared at her. Sakura’s face was relaxed, her breathing calm.
With you being here it’s not so scary anymore
Every word spoken by the girl lying asleep; Chaewon knows the feelings they caused in her. She is good at detecting her emotions, but, voicing them? not so much. She keeps them inside, under seven keys.
Although, in this moment, Sakura managed to open them all, because Chaewon remembers everything, since her entrance to Produce 48; since her first time she saw Sakura and thought how beautiful she was (and still is), until now, where they are part of an incredible group, where Chaewon knows that Sakura is more than a pretty face and Sakura can read Chaewon like an open book.
And there, in the quietness of the room, with the memories roaming in her head, Chaewon took a few steps closer to Sakura. She leans until her lips are inches away from the older woman’s ear and says in a whisper.
—Getting to be by your side was also one of the best things destiny could give me.
And although she is the only witness of such words, she still said it with all the delicacy in the world.
So as not to wake Sakura
And maybe, just maybe, hoping the words she said would reach Sakura’s dreams.
…
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Invisible string
Tying you to me?