Work Text:
Guarded Hearts (Coming Together as One).
As Olivia left the hospital alone, she was feeling a deep sense of guilt, grief, and exhaustion with having been on the go for so much of the last few days and the events including the investigation into Gary Munson, then just to top everything off during the investigation Rafael had been threatened by someone as they left the courthouse following the grand juries indictment, adding to the charges that Munson had been already facing.
To begin with and along with everyone else, they had thought that these threats to Barba were just connected to that particular case, but following a second threat from this man, everything came out that ever since the case where three cops had been charged with various charges after the shooting of a suspect earlier in the year, he had been receiving other threats or hang up calls to his cell phone.
While she had been at the hospital waiting for the news on Mike's condition alongside everyone else, Fin, Carisi, and Rollins they had continued to look into the threats that Barba had been getting, following him having had to admit what was going on, following having been caught in the elevator in the courthouse and threatened by the man once again, he had then called Carisi about it and with Rollins, they had then gone to see him in his office where the whole story over the calls and hang-ups had come tumbling out.
While she had been waiting on the news about Dodds, Olivia had been feeling quite alone because when Carisi and Rollins had reported about it all, Carisi had also told her that Barba had now been taken into protective custody while they investigated the case, but she had quietly wished that Barba had been there by her side as a support.
At one time during this past year, the two of them had been a bit distant, partly she guessed because of the Terrence Reynolds case, as they hadn't seen eye to eye over aspects of the case, and things had also kind of broken down a bit more between the two of them when following the grand jury, in that case, had bought down the charges they had in that case, due to her as everyone else had fallen for the rumors that he had gone with the runaway of those jurors.
On top of that the two of them hadn't been as close as they had been anyway because on the quiet she had been dating Ed Tucker, which once again had shot her in the foot so to speak because the relationship had then got found out, Barba had then reported her as it was going to be affecting the case they were currently investigating at the time, so she had ended up being transferred elsewhere and only returned to the unit once again at the end of the case, while Ed had then left IAB and was working temporarily with another unit before he was then going to be moving into hostage negotiation.
In the end, though the relationship hadn't lasted much longer, coming in a mixture of the couple still trying to recover from that case, she was finding that between work and them going out on dates, she was spending less and less time with Noah, so for a few weeks each time Carisi or one of the others asked how the relationship was going, she had got into the habit of answering them "It's complicated." and then leaving things at that.
She had then been grateful that it had been Ed who had been the negotiator when she had been taken hostage again, but the person's arms she had gone straight into had been Rafael's as soon as she had seen that he was in the van where all the others were, and he had then been with her at the hospital too, and she supposed that some of that had come from the aftermath of everything that had happened with William Lewis too because despite being with Brian Cassidy at the time, the first person she had let herself be touched by had been Rafael.
Later that night after having been released from the hospital and Olivia had called Ed to say that she was OK, but just needed time to herself, the apartment fell silent, other than Noah chatting away while he played.
Eventually, that silence was broken by a knock on the door, as she then checked who was there first through the peephole, she opened the door to Rafael laden up with groceries, along with a mischievous look in his eyes, the next thing she knew, her kitchen had been taken over by him and Noah, who Rafael had declared that Noah was going to be his sous chef for the evening, complete with a little chef’s coat and hat for Noah, and it then didn’t take long for the scent of the arroz con pollo to start drifting around the apartment.
Later on, once they had both put Noah to bed it was to find that Rafael was sitting on the sofa and he had sorted out a glass of his scotch for himself and a glass of cabinet for her.
As she sat down with a sigh, releasing some of the tension she had been feeling she turned to face him and thanked him for the drink, before then adding "I don't know how to thank you, Rafa, not just for the being here for me today, but for tonight, for the both of us." She then takes a moment to pause as her emotions begin to take over before she continues with "And for being my rock when I was feeling like everything was crumbling around me."
He then took her hand as he replied softly a reassuring smile on his face, "You don't need to thank me Liv, it's what friends do, and after everything that happened today I just wanted to make sure that both you and Noah had a decent meal and some peace tonight."
Olivia nods at him with a small smile gracing her lips as she says "You always know how to take care of us, but about earlier, before." She then hesitates for a moment and then searches his eyes as she continues "I know that things have been a bit awkward with Tucker and the whole transfer thing, I never really got the chance to talk to you about it."
Once again Rafael's expression softens as he responds to her "I know and I am sorry for the part that I played in all of that… I was just trying to protect you, but I realize now how much this has affected our friendship." He then pauses to take a breath as he then adds "I hope that we can now move past that and rebuild our friendship to where we were before again."
Olivia reaches out to touch his arm gently, but briefly, as she says with some hope in her voice "We will do and we're already on the way there and what matters the most is that we're both here now talking." She then gives him a warm smile "And besides you still cook the best arroz con pollo in Manhattan anyway."
He then chuckles warmly at her as he says and looks at her earnestly "Well, as long as you don't tell my mother that we'll be OK, but Liv honestly more than anything I want you to know that I will always be here for both you and Noah."
Olivia then smiles at him, but with some emotions coming into her voice as she responds "Thank you, Rafa, that means more than you'll ever know."
Following that night it seemed that the two of them did then to get their friendship back to where it had once been, especially with the way that he had been there for her too when she and Ed had finally split up.
To be honest it had been coming for a while, as she was beginning to feel as though Tucker was trying to push her into retirement so that she could just spend that time with him, not only that she also had the feeling that he was kind of jealous of Noah as any occasion that she went to attend an event at the school or something with his friends he was always like "Do you have to attend this or that?" or "Can Lucy or someone take him for you as I just want to have some time with you alone?" Then to top it all off, she found out via gossip that rather than going into hostage negotiation as he had originally planned, instead he was going to be retiring, which she then guessed was the reason behind him trying to persuade her to retire too, but then before the date came up in which he was supposed to be retiring the unit had him going undercover and then on top of that, when he had called her to tell her about the undercover assignment, while they were talking on the phone, Noah had taken his toy stool and had then used it to climb up on the side, to try and get to the jar of cookies, she had hurriedly said that it was Noah and that she would call him back again, needless to say, she hadn't done, then the next day had got involved in a case that had them all on the go, instead he then had turned up at her office asking her to go for lunch, which she had then turned down.
That night she had asked Rafael if he could either take Noah for the night, or at least a little while because Lucy wasn't available and after the squad having been so busy with the case, she hadn't wanted to ask one of the others if they would do it instead, Rafael had agreed to do it but told her that he would take his overnight bag and stuff too, but if she did want Noah back or even wanted to talk, to just let him know, as he would be happy to come back again.
Now just as they were getting so much closer once more, as she had been sitting at the hospital alone waiting for the news on Dodds, all she had wanted was for Rafael to have been there with her, and in many ways, she was feeling angry, hurt and upset that her best friend hadn't said anything to her or anyone else, especially as even though over the years she had known that in her heart she had wanted there to be so much more between them, because slowly but surely she had been falling in love with him.
So after being let into the apartment where they were keeping Rafael under guard, even though it calmed her to see him there safe a little bit, the anger was still there and so she said with some demand in her voice, also mixed with her anger and exhaustion from the day's events "Why didn't you tell me about what had been going on with you Barba? All I wanted and needed was you there with me at the hospital while I waited for the news on Dodds."
Rafael's face held a weight of unspoken apologies as he responded with a voice that was filled with regret "Liv, I wanted to be there with you, but as soon as Carisi and Rollins called everything in, I was bought here and they wouldn't let me come to you, but I didn't want to risk it with everything that was going on either."
"That's just it, isn't it? It's always 'everything that's going on' with you, each time some crisis comes up, it's either you're here for me, or it's, but what about what's going on with me? With us?" Her voice then began to crack, revealing the grief that she had been holding.
The two of them then stood there just staring at one another in silence with the tension between the two of them being palpable, as Rafael then took a tentative step towards her, with his expression softening towards her as he said "I'm sorry Liv, and I'm sorry for all the times that I haven't been here for you, when you have needed me the most."
Olivia's resolve began to crumble as she could see the sincerity in what he was saying in his eyes "I'm tired Rafael, tired of feeling that I have to fight for every moment that I get with you."
Rafael then took another step towards her, and in doing so, he reached out his hand and took hers softly into it. "You don't have to fight anymore Liv, not anymore." He paused and then took a deep breath, before then confessing to her "I've fallen in love with you Olivia, and I'm done with keeping that to myself anymore."
As the words hung in the air between them, it felt like his confession had shifted the world around them, a mix of both surprise and relief washed over her, "Rafa…" she whispered, her own heart revealing the truth of what she had been keeping secret and hidden "I love you too."
In a moment that felt like it was suspended in time, they closed the remaining bit of gap between them, as their lips finally met in a kiss that sealed their admission to one another, a kiss that spoke of love, loss, and a future together.