Chapter Text
She leans in, sweat curling the hair at her temples and hisses, "Bad Omega,"
He doesn't realise he's falling until they're both tumbling, sprawling in the dirt with their lightsabers falling to the side. She looks so shocked, eyes wide and brown and soft and beautiful. She's so beautiful and he is so unworthy, so low, so unloved-
"Ben?"
He's spiralling, self loathing curling around his chest like a vice as he pants for air. Bad Omega. He's a bad Omega.
A low whine curls in the space between them, grating Kylo’s ears and he shakes his head. Only for embarrassing discovery it comes from him, desperate and painful like this emptiness that's crawling through his limbs. Omega. Alpha doesn't want him because he's bad.
To his abject humiliation tears are pricking behind his eyes, devastation making him weak. He refuses to cry in front of her, scrambling to his feet as she calls after him with a name as dead to him as Tai. Hatred burns through his limbs, sadness still chugging through his veins. But he's nothing if not vindictive, so he turns and yells, "UNWORTHY ALPHA!"
It's worth it for the look of absolute despair on her face. He can ignore the confused faces of FN-2187 and the Resistance Pilot in return. What he can't ignore though is the fact that she immediately bursts into tears when the verbal blow lands.
He was always a sucker for tears. Tai would look at him with glittering eyes and trembling lip and suddenly Ben would be giving him his sweet without even thinking. It makes him stupid, desperate to please the object of his affection. WHICH REY IS NOT. NOT EVEN SLIGHTY. THE SCAVENGER. NOT REY.
He turns on his heel even when his brain screams at him to go back to beg for her forgiveness. Hux sneers at him as he walks past, sour Alpha stink curdling Kylo’s mood further.
"Finish up here so we can leave," he snarls, wind whipping his cape into a frenzy. Hux rolls his eyes and nods, turning to bark orders at the rest of the troopers before Kylo hides WAITS in his ship for them to return. He also doesn't deliberately lock the chamber doors away from them all so he's not interrupted.
His hands are pushed barely to mid thigh as he yanks off his gloves with his teeth. He's too on edge, too desperate for relief as he spits in his hand, cock hard and aching. He fists it tightly in his hand, closing his eyes and not thinking of Rey’s soft eyes, the way her mouth parted in a soft pink o. " Bad Omega ," repeats in his head in her voice and the dam breaks, tears rolling down his cheeks as he sobs, tasting salt on his mouth when he bites his lip.
The pressure builds in his groin, pleasure growing with every stroke. It makes his toes curl, thinking of the way her eyes had glistened when he'd told her she was unworthy, just like he'd wanted to every time he saw her. Even though he was consistently fighting the urge to fall to his knees at the scent of toffee and cinnamon. The same treats his mother used to bring him from her travels. It's all he wants, more than the galaxy, more than being a sith lord. He wants to be her Good Omega.
"Unworthy," he gasps, stuttering the words when his thumb dips over his gland, precum glistening his fingers, "Alpha,"
And she is unworthy of him, small and pretty. But muscular, strong enough to take care of him. She's feral sometimes, angry and full of life and force that makes him burn in ways he never had before. He's desperate to come like he was that night in the snow, cold wind whipping through his hair and the burning on his face. His nose was full of the smell of cinnamon and Alpha, dick hard and aching.
And all he could do was just watch her leave with the Traitor. He feels just as desperate now, heat burning under his skin as he moves his hand faster. Maker, he wants her, wants her hand around his cock and moving it, pressing kisses into his neck whilst her chin digs into his shoulder. She'd watch him with disinterested eyes he just knows it, tiny smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. He wraps his gloved hand around his throat, nails digging into his mating gland. He pictures her nipping it, sharp points of her teeth as she tells him exactly what he already knows, " Bad Omega ,"
He comes so hard he blacks out for a second, slumping against the door as his cum paints his hand, and the floor.
He comes to sit in the evidence of it, shame burning his cheeks and humiliation still thick on his mind. He pants for air, still thinking of the way she smelled and her brown eyes. And her tears. His abject hurt that she would be so mean as to confirm what he's always known; he's a bad Omega. He's too big, too strong, too awkward, too eager to please, too much everything for anyone to love. But he wants her so desperately to want him as he wants her. She's not the only alpha he's ever wanted to please, not the first he's even wanted to mate but by the Maker she burns under his skin like nothing else. He hasn't touched himself since before he was a Knight of Ren, no heats to speak of because of no compatible Alpha. It seemed so easy once, but even a moment in her presence has him almost begging for her to even look at him.
Disgust rolls through him like a tidal wave, crashing down on his being like the first time she bested him on Star Killer Base. He's a bad Omega. And he should know it.
He starts sobbing like he did the night his father died, pathetic gasps of air because everytime he closed his eyes all he could see was his father's frightened face, then the softness in Han's eyes as he brushed his hand over Kylo's face just once. Why did Han have to still love him in his moments of death? He was always a terrible person. Snoke was always determined to remind him so as a child. Other kids didn't like to play with him because he was so rough, too quick to use the force. But Snoke said that was okay; people like him were predisposed to being drawn to the darkside. It was his destiny no matter how he fought it.
For years...Tai was the only one who could stop it. Sleeping curled up together, Ben's head curled on his chest, sharing guilty looks about fresh mating marks under the disapproving eyes of Luke Skywalker. He had tried to split them up but it never worked. He can still see Luke in his mind's eye grumbling that at least mating marks aren't permanent so they have time before they bite each other again.
Kylo's gland stings under the assault of memories. It's only bothered him ever since he met the Scavenger, cutting through meds that are tailor made to suppress his heats and any embarrassing behaviour. But Rey, who’s clearly never touched a blocker in her life has ruined him from the moment they met in a tiny prison on Star Killer Base.
He hates her.