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When he left Seido, the feelings didn't die down.
He broke it off, feeling that it was the most appropriate thing to do at the time.
Kominato Ryousuke didn't want to burden his then boyfriend, Kuramochi Youichi, with all the heavy feelings.
His disappointment, his anger, his sadness. It was enough to break him of all people and he didn't want Youichi to shoulder any of it.
He would one day get over it, he was sure, but it would only deter Youichi who still had a chance at nationals.
They broke up one night in front of the fields.
It was irrational and unwarranted but something drove him to it.
Jealousy.
He was jealous of Youichi for being able to try again. Jealous that his tears and frustration when they lost to Inashiro would drive him to be better next time.
He was also, in a twisted way, jealous of Haruichi.
He had filled in Ryousuke's spot as second baseman and therefore became the fielding partner for Youichi.
Their breakup was unexpected and they both shed tears. Ryousuke held himself together when they were together, rattled by his own decision of breaking things off and Youichi's reaction to it.
Seeing the tears in his eyes and his shaking voice was enough to make the pink haired teen speechless.
They shared one last kiss, long, deep and slow; putting every bit of love and emotion they could muster behind the kiss.
Youichi cried after the kiss and Ryousuke had held him.
They sat against the fence and talked, about how they first met and how they felt throughout the relationship.
It was a mistake, Ryousuke realized when they were too deep into the talk to pull out. They were walking down memory lane and the recollections were far too raw.
They were sure someone had seen them but they didn't show themselves, choosing instead to turn away and leave them be. It didn't matter.
He dropped off Youichi at his room and when he closed the door, he saw Miyuki staring back at him with a look far too nonchalant for it to be natural.
They didn't greet each other. As they passed, Miyuki put a hand on his shoulder before he entered room 5, Youichi's room.
He went back to the normal dorms and entered his room. Nobody was in yet and he took the opportunity to lock himself in the room and let his first sob of the evening.
Its been years since that night.
Four years to be exact.
Twenty two years old and he still couldn't forget the love he had when he was seventeen.
It was pitiful and his friends were starting to notice how he shied away from girls and relationships in general.
He had always made excuses for himself.
He's busy. He's working. He's gay. Whatever works.
So when his younger brother dropped by his apartment during the break, he was determined to stay under his covers.
The second the word reunion was uttered, he laughed, outrightly shouting no from the kitchen.
Haruichi sighed.
It was honestly quite childish. his brother, his lifelong role model, was being childish and he had enough childishness from having to deal with Eijun.
Ryousuke played university baseball.
He had followed Tetsu's footsteps and chose to go to their ex-coach's university, as did Jun.
They see each other often but due to their different majors, they didn't get to spend all that much time together.
It wasn't a secret that he missed his old team. It showed on his face every time he saw a high school baseball team on television.
Or when he saw one of his old teammates or high school opponents playing in the professional leagues.
He was just too stubborn to go see them, driven by some reason haruichi couldn't fathom.
"It's Satoru's birthday, aniki," said Haruichi finally. He didn't want to do this but the older man was too thick to convince otherwise. "You know how lonely he grew up. It would be nice if his old teammates came and celebrated his birthday, don't you think?"
"Since when did you get so good at manipulating people, Haruichi?"
"I have to deal with Eijun-kun and Satoru. Enough said."
Ryousuke sighed. He was never able to turn down his younger brother before.
Now he was here, inviting him to the reunion slash Furuya's birthday party.
How could he turn down this invitation?
Furuya was Haruichi's boyfriend of two years now and the pitcher was able to draw his younger brother out of his shell. They were both sort of taciturn and some would have thought it would be awkward but the two were able to talk with ease to each other.
Not only was it Haruichi asking but he was also asking for Furuya.
"Fine."
"Great. I'll text you the place later. I'll be going now, aniki."
Ryousuke stopped his slicing, "Do you need me to send you to the station?"
"Satoru said he'll pick me up."
"Tell furuya I said hi."
Kominato Ryousuke smiled stiffly at his plate, hateful thoughts going through his head.
While he didn't mind going to this party, he did mind the situation he was in.
They were at one of the high end bars, reserved completely for the professional pitcher's birthday party.
He had expected it to be big, something grand that would match someone of his status.
But it was just a small party with the young man's closest friends.
Which meant the Seido baseball team was there.
The team he was on during his last of his high school baseball career was there.
Which meant one Kuramochi Youichi was there.
He had expected this. He knew their future meeting was inevitable. He could put it off but they'll meet eventually. He had expected it.
But what he didn't expect was being seated right next to his ex-boyfriend, directly in front of his younger brother.
Ryousuke couldn't run away, even if he wanted to.
Haruichi didn't even look the slightest bit apologetic when they caught each other's gazes.
Youichi, in his defence, took it all into stride, despite being caught off guard too.
He still looked good. Looked rough, his yankee look strong as ever, but he looked more mature now. He got taller and he was more muscled, sporting his confident smirk that irritated many.
The air of brashness around him had died down somewhat.
"Ryou-san?"
When he first heard the voice calling out to him, he thought his heart had stopped and the world had ceased to turn, but apparently, that was just him.
They talked for a bit and Ryousuke tried not to act as if he was so, so relieved to finally be able to see the shortstop again because that wasn't how he, Ryou-san, acted.
Finally, when they were supposed to sit down for dinner, Ryousuke thought that it was finally over.
But of course, it wasn't.
With his old, meddling team, it was never over.
Everyone had rushed to their seats and Ryousuke was slightly surprised by how eager they were.
Until he reached the long table itself and found there were only two seats left.
Everyone else ignored his silent plea of help and he finally gave up, sitting down as he entertained several thoughts of homicide.
Several people at that table, including Furuya and Haruichi, shuddered as a chill passed through them.
Around the table, there were many couples.
Even in high school, he had expected some of them to hook up eventually.
And he was right.
Sitting on his left was Yuuki Tetsuya and Isashiki Jun. The two had established their relationship in the midst of their second year summer tournament.
They both go to the same university as he did. Tetsu had put off going pro and decided to first finish his degree. Jun didn't entertain the thought of going pro after high school, instead, he was focussed on his career path of bring a physiatrist. The main reason he chose this was because he didn't want to feel powerless if Tetsu came by an injury one day in the future.
Then there was the couple sitting in front of them, Tanba Koichiro and Takigawa Chris Yuu. Tanba was studying in a university somewhere in Osaka and Chris, after recovering from his injury completely, made it into the professional league. On Chris' day off, he would stay at Tanba's apartment.
Then there was Haruichi and Furuya who only started going out after they graduated and Furuya finally realized he didn't want to part ways with pink haired boy.
The confession was awkward and he stopped mid-sentence quite a lot but when he finally said the needed words, i think i really like you, things became official.
Furuya confessed at their graduation party, in front of all their seniors and classmates. They applauded the pitcher for finally realizing the feelings he had for the other boy.
Ryousuke remembered his younger brother blushing scarlet, touched by the sincereness behind the words uttered to him.
On Youichi's right was Miyuki and Sawamura. The two had started dating in high school. No one really knew when they started but everyone knew they were a thing. even after school, Sawamura was still chasing after Miyuki. They were both drafted after graduating and now the infamous Tigers battery were living together up in the city.
Somewhere deep in his heart, Ryousuke felt a tang of jealousy towards these couples.
They survived the change of the tide of life. They were still together and they were happy.
"So what are you doing now?" Youichi asked, completely ignoring the tense atmosphere.
Bless Youichi. There were only so many people that could take Ryousuke's wrath head on and he was one of them. After two years of daily practice and being fielding partners, Ryousuke had learned that the shortstop was immune to his ways.
"I'm taking an accounting course," said Ryousuke.
"Stable," Youichi commented.
"Mochi's going to be a teacher," Miyuki announced from beside him, loud enough for everyone to hear.
No one was surprised by the announcement. It seemed that everyone else knew already.
Everyone except for him.
Ryousuke's mouth twisted into a smirk, "Youichi as a teacher? That's interesting."
"Doesn't that warm your heart?" Miyuki said dryly, side eyeing his best friend. "Mochi teaching little kids wearing glasses and actually acting like an adult. I'm not going to visit him at work. I don't think my heart cant take it."
Ryousuke didn't have time to retort, the dishes reached their table just in time to avoid a verbal war of insincere compliments and dry comments.
The flow of conversation continued throughout dinner, everyone telling a bit of their life now out of school.
He missed the life of the Seido dorms; the air of hormonal teenage boys and dedicated baseball idiots.
Being at the dinner made him feel young again.
They were still full of energy but their hormonal tendencies had died down, thank god. They talked with better intonation, one that demanded undivided attention and they didn't spit out profanities every five words.
They grew up.
By the time they finished dinner, half the guests were drunk.
Ryousuke himself felt a little buzzed, but he wasn't drunk. He played baseball at the university and the coach warned them against getting drunk.
Tetsu and Jun completely disregarded the warning.
Jun was utterly drunk, his face red and his laughs louder than it should've been.
Sawamura and him were still taking shots, seeing who would pass out first, while the others placed their bets.
Such youth.
Tetsu looked a little tipsy but he was good to go, unlike his boyfriend.
Somehow, he ended up having to carry Youichi back to his apartment.
The young man, despite having such a track record of being as fast as a cheetah, was quite heavy. He was lean, but all heavy muscle.
"Youichi? Stand up, you're not drunk," he said after dragging the taller man far away enough from the bar.
Youichi wasn't drunk, just tipsy at most.
"Gonna ditch me here, Ryou-san?"
"In the middle of town? At three a.m.? What do you take me for?" Ryousuke asked in mock hurt.
After a few seconds of looking at each other, they both snickered, knowing that it was something the older man would do.
"I never liked carrying dead weight," the pink-haired man reminded him.
Youichi's face split into his familiar smirk, glad to know that not everything has changed about his senpai.
They trudged back to Ryousuke's place, chatting idly about life again.
When they arrived, Ryousuke invited him in.
He felt slightly self-conscious, letting the other man into his home.
It wasn't messy by any means but it was his home.
There were some things he didn't want to be seen.
"I didn't peg you to be a picture person," Youichi commented from the living room.
Like that.
He didn't want that to be seen.
Youichi had somehow wandered to his wall of pictures.
There were many framed pictures there.
A picture of his family. A picture of his senior class. A picture of his prior baseball teams. A picture of the Seido baseball club. A picture of the Seido first string players in his day. A picture of his friends back in high school. A picture of him and his friends during graduation.
It was like Youichi was walking through Ryousuke's memory lane.
It felt strangely intimate for some reason. There was a frame that had been overturned, showing only the back of the glass frame.
"Are you sure you want to turn that?" Ryousuke asked from behind him, his voice quiet and small, not quite like his usual demeanour.
Youichi hesitated, his hand already outstretched. He reached for it, letting his fingers linger on the frame.
He had a guess as for what the frame held.
A soft smile made its way onto his face when he saw the picture.
It was a picture of them, back in high school.
The picture was taken at night, the sky filled with stars. Ryousuke was wearing a light coloured yukata and Youichi was wearing his normal adornment of old jeans and a comfortable tee.
It was a candid, neither of them were looking at the camera, instead, they looked at each other. The two were holding hands, standing intimately close to one another, smiles adorning their faces.
Youichi remembered it almost instantly.
It was the summer festival that was held just after their second match of the tournament.
Elated by their win and advancement, the baseball team attended the festival in high spirits.
The night had been an enjoyable one.
A dizzying concoction of laughter, food and games.
"You still have this?" Youichi murmured, tracing a thumb over the picture, noticing the lack of dust on it.
Ryousuke came over, lightly touching the frame, "Couldn't find it in myself to throw it out."
It was dark in the apartment, the only light illuminating the room was what little moonlight that passed through the curtains.
Despite that, Youichi could clearly see Ryousuke's face. "Ryou-san?" he called quietly, trying to meet his eyes. "Why are you crying?"
"Can't we just pretend that I'm an emotional drunk?"
"You're not drunk," the shortstop reminded him. "Why are you crying? But if you want, I'll pretend that you're drunk so you can pretend to forget it tomorrow morning."
The second baseman wiped his tears and took deep breath, "I just didnt think we would meet again."
"You're crying over that?"
"Ever since that day, I don't think I was able to move on. I kept thinking about it and how I regretted it. I kept thinking that I'll never see you again and how i can never fix it. Or if i do, you would move on and I'll be the only still hung up over it."
Youichi grabbed Ryousuke's hand that was still wiping his tears and he leaned in, catching the pink-haired boy's gaze and capturing his lips.
The kiss started slow, as it always did. Then youichi bit down on his senior's bottom lip, eliciting a moan and gaining entrance.
His cavern was hot and it typically tasted like alcohol. They came back up for air, both of them breathing quite heavily, faces flushed and a trace of saliva connecting their parted lips.
"You're not the only one hung up over it," said Youichi, letting go of the hand he was holding and reached up to touch Ryousuke's face. "You left me with no closure, Ryou-san. That was unfair of you. How could i move forward with no closure?"
"Do you want one now?"
"I followed you with the intention of getting closure," the younger man said, eyes still on Ryousuke. "But i'm not so sure i want closure anymore."
"Then what do you want?"
"A date with you, ryou-san. I hope you're free this weekend."
Ryousuke gave himself a mental pat on the back for not blushing. Instead, he made a show of pondering it over.
"I might be."
"You need my email address then, Ryou-san," said Youichi, sporting his usual smirk. "In case you need to reschedule."
When he woke up the next morning, he was quite confused, wondering if last night actually happened.
Kominato Ryousuke was in bed, completely dressed, and he saw the other side of the bed was empty. Though, it did have some telltale signs that someone had slept there.
He stumbled out of his room, looking around for more signs that confirmed what happened the night before.
Just then, he saw the picture frame on the wall. the picture of him and Youichi, which was always facing the wall, was facing forward.
There was a note slipped at the edge of the frame
Had to jet. Had a train to catch. Answer my email, okay? See you later, Ryou-san.
-Youichi