Chapter Text
Clarke Griffin had the perfect life. She was a skilled pediatric oncologist, working at Washington D.C.’s most respectable hospital. Then she went to work today. “Hey Griffin, late night last night?” Clarke’s favorite nurse, and best friend, Octavia teased, knowing all too well that Clarke hadn’t been laid in weeks, not for lack of trying on Octavia’s part. After long shifts, Octavia would drag Clarke out to clubs; almost force alcohol down the blonde’s throat, yet still, the only one finding a man (or woman, the most aggravating part for Octavia was that Clarke didn’t even have a gender preference to narrow the pool!) was Octavia. Two weeks ago, Octavia had found Lincoln, which got Clarke off the hook on some days, but Lincoln was a fire fighter, and when he was on shift, Clarke was up on Octavia’s schedule.
“Haha. How’s Lincoln?” Clarke dodged her friends questioning, by focusing on the single thing Clarke knew would distract Octavia. Octavia smirked, launching into too much detail about her previous night. Clarke’s day was to be pretty normal. First she had the Jordan Family, who’s child Sterling had leukemia. Then, she’d have the Murphy's, whose son John had a tumor in his brain. Finally, she’d see one new family, before floating to the ED.
And just like that, Clarke’s day was normal. It was filled with smiles, and laughs, and inevitably tears. A lot of people asked Clarke why she stayed in oncology; after all she was a brilliant doctor, and surgeon. She graduated from Yale’s medical school at the tender age of 22, and her parents were Dr. Abby and Jake Griffin. Abby was the best neuroscientist in the country and Jake was a brilliant engineer. She had had limitless opportunities. She had screwed some up, sure, but few people knew about her dark days, and even fewer people would venture to talk about them.
“So, O, have you met this new family?” Clarke asked, flipping through the chart of the new patient. Tris Woods, five years old, bone cancer. She’d been battling for three years of her life, but she was no closer to better.
“Yeah, I was there when they brought the girl in. Her aunt brought her in, and both her parents came within hours. Seems to be a good family. You think she stands a chance doc?” Clarke could always tell when Octavia was nervous about a patient. She always used ‘doc’ instead of ‘Clarke’.
“I don’t know Octavia, but in this line of work, we always have to think positively.” Clarke sighed, “Want to come with me?” Octavia nodded slightly. Clarke flashed her a smile as they walked to the room at the end of the hall. Octavia always got invested in patients, especially, young girls under the age of eight. It wasn’t fair and sometimes Octavia had trouble accepting that.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Woods, I’m Dr. Griffin, but you can call me Clarke.” Clarke started her normal formalities, outstretching her hand, without really looking at their faces. “And you must be Tris.” Clarke grinned, her eyes skirting from the floor to the little girl’s face. She looked eerily familiar to Clarke, but she didn’t dare dig into that part of her memory to find out from where she knew this young child.
“Clarke?” Shit. Clarke knew that voice; she would always know that voice. Wearily, Clarke turned her head, her eyes meeting a pair of green eyes that were burnt into her memory.
Clarke was having a shitty day. She had just gotten her first D and of all assignments for it to be on, it was on an orgo paper that was worth 20% of her final grade. Fucking organic chemistry. She was going to be a doctor, when was she going to use all this carbon shit? It had been pouring rain when she left her dorm, which soaked her sketches, and now she was waiting, dripping wet, in what seemed to be a never-ending Starbucks line. When she was finally called, Clarke was grumpy. “Peppermint mocha with a pump of hazelnut and an extra shot of espresso.” Clarke grit her teeth, trying to remember her manners, “please.” The cashier smiled, despite Clarke’s shitty mood, and Clarke had to admit the girl, Lexa according to her nametag, had a pretty nice smile.
“And what’s the name for this?” Lexa asked, a little too cheery for Clarke’s current state.
“Clarke.” Lexa smiled, as if she liked the originality of Clarke’s name, but Clarke, was not having it with all the smiles. She ordered grudgingly and goddamnit she was going to stay that way. After she paid, Clarke waited silently, and petulantly, by the counter.
“Clarke.” Lexa, oddly enough, was the one to call out her name. On her cup there was a little message ‘C L A R K we should get coffee sometime. Or drinks, since I work at a coffee place –Lexa’ Lexa even got a smile out of Clarke with that message.
“I’m Lexa by the way,” Lexa smiled, handing Clarke the mocha.
" You spelled my name wrong.” Clarke said frankly, and walked out.
“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice echoed through Clarke’s ears for a second time. Clarke clenched her jaw, trying to pull herself together. It had been three damn years; she could handle being around the girl she once loved. There was something so sickly sweet about those memories. There was something about what happened afterward that soured the memories Clarke had of Lexa.
“Lexa.” Clarke responded, not really knowing what to say, though her mind was rapidly connecting the dots. “Anya, Gustus,” She turned to the two parents who’s faced she recognized as those of Lexa’s siblings. Technically Anya was the only true sibling, but Gustus had always been around and when they married, it just made it official. Clarke shivered with knowledge she shouldn’t have of these people. That’s why Tris’s face had appeared familiar. Clarke and Lexa used to babysit for baby Tris, back before she was diagnosed with cancer, back before Clarke was a doctor.
“I didn’t know you were in D.C.” Lexa broke the awkward silence, without a question. Clarke nodded.
“Yeah I moved a couple months ago. Octavia here has been showing me the ropes.” Clarke forced a smile, motioning to Octavia, who was staring at Clarke in awe.
“How’s Finn?” Lexa asked tensely, yet still gently. Clarke tensed, noticeably.
“Out of my life.” And with that, Clarke turned to Tris, “So, Miss Tris, tell me, how you’re feeling.” They didn’t get to talking any further, during that visit, but Clarke knew Octavia would ambush her later.
“So, Clarke Griffin, huh, what’s it been two years?” Anya probed at Lexa, once Tris was sound asleep and Gus was going to fetch something to eat.
“Three.” Lexa sighed, trying desperately not to let her mind wander. She had been so utterly shocked when she saw those blonde waves she’d know anywhere, that she had lost tact. She had asked about Finn.
“How do you feel about her treating Tris?” Anya asked gently, knowing that relationship had always been a little dicey with Lexa.
“She’s the best there is right? I want Tris to have the best.” Lexa evaded the question, but gave a vague answer. Anya nodded, shutting her eyes for mere moments. Lexa wanted to do the same, but she feared what would happen when she shut her eyes.
Eventually, Gus and Anya cuddled up on one chair and fell asleep in each other’s arms, so Lexa was left to do the same. It was late, and she was tired, but something told her not to let her eyes flutter. That something lost to exhaustion.
“Clarke, please!” Lexa yelled, her vocal chords burning from the constant arguing the past few days. She could feel tears start to form in her eyes.
“Lexa, I’m sorry.” Clarke was so calm, driving Lexa further insane. She could raise her voice and yell, but that wouldn’t change the fact that her girlfriend was packing up her stuff and leaving. Somehow though, it made Lexa feel better, like at least she was trying.
“Clarke, at least give me a why. This isn’t fair!” Lexa all but wailed; hating how Clarke had her wrapped around her little finger. Lexa wasn’t the emotions type, but when it came to Clarke, emotions were all she had. In all five years of their relationship, Lexa had always been able to tell what Lexa was thinking- at least after the first six months. These last few months had been different. Clarke had been distant and she just yelled at Lexa whenever they had issues. It felt so different than before.
“I’m doing this because I love you Lexa, I promise.” Clarke said through teary eyes, then she closed the door behind her.