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It was a bit chilly and gloomy when Athrun arrived in Aprilius One. But no matter, it was at this time of the year when he preferred to be in the PLANTs, rather than back on Earth.
After all, it was the death anniversary of his mother.
In contrast to the mood here in Aprilius One, back at Earth, it was very lively. Streets were filled with bright red hearts, shops were selling more sweets and chocolates than usual, cute animal plushies were for sale, most flower shops would really be enthusiastic with selling their pre-arranged bouquet of fresh roses. Couples would be walking around, holding hands, going on dates, celebrating the day of love.
Being there during the Valentines’ season filled him with so much resentment. Truly, people easily forget. How could they even think about celebrating an occasion about love when a tragedy happened on the very same day due to extreme hatred? When Junius Seven was attacked, for him, he felt like he lost two parents because his father was never the same after the incident. This bloody valentine drastically altered the course of history, resulting in many more lives lost and that included his parents, friends, comrades, and innocent people that didn’t deserve their fate.
There were efforts not to forget. Media outlets on the day would broadcast world leaders, having a moment of silence to remember the event that started all of this, reminding everyone that on this day of love, dozens of innocent people lost their lives and to never forget. There were protests from groups to cease anything valentine-related festivities during that day, but it cannot be helped, it was tradition for the longest time after all. It’s not like these people were behind the Junius Seven incident.
He couldn’t bare seeing the happy faces while he remembered those that were lost.
At least when he was here in PLANTs, everyone felt the same. Like an unspoken rule, all residents of the PLANTs stopped celebrating Valentines’ Day entirely. No one dared to be that insensitive.
He passed by a flower shop on the way to the memorial site. His mother always liked flowers, but she liked white orchids the best, so he picked up a ton of those, while picking a few marigolds and hibiscus flowers for accent. He picked out some white roses for his father, as well his other comrades that died during the two wars as well. He gave the flowers to the shop owner, and the owner quickly arranged them all into a beautiful bouquet.
He put the bouquets in the passenger seat of his car and drove to the memorial where his parents and friends’ plaques were. He couldn’t call these their grave site since their bodies weren’t even retrieved.
Once he reached the site, he gave out the bouquets to his friends and comrades first. He lay them out carefully before giving them a salute. He noted that for Nicol’s plaque, there was another bouquet of flowers, probably from his parents. The same could be said for Heine, Miguel, and Rusty. Either friends or their relatives also stopped by earlier to offer some flowers and prayers.
When it came to his parents’ plaque, he noted that there were offerings already there for his mother. It might be from his mother’s friends; she was a kind person after all and was extremely liked by many. Athrun was happy that his mother had impacted a lot of people that even until now, they never forgotten her.
His father had no plaque. People of the PLANTs strongly felt against creating one for him due to the very extreme values that he stood for. His father was remembered only for what he did before his death, his extreme hatred for an entire race and his desire to eradicate them all. Even in his last breath, the last words he uttered to Athrun was to destroy the Naturals. Who would want to wish that kind of a person, well, even in death?
Athrun understood that this was a consequence of his father’s unacceptable actions. But even so, to Athrun, before his father was clouded by hate, he was a good person, a good father, and a good husband. However, when his mother died, his soul and humanity also left him. Even Athrun couldn’t fathom what happened to that warm and kind person that he knew growing up. Did he forget that he had a son that needed him and focused solely on getting revenge?
The last few times they saw each other, Athrun felt like he was a subordinate reporting to a very intimidating boss. It was all business. Patrick never asked him how he was, or what he has been up to. Then he shot him and even gave a go-signal to use any means necessary to get the whereabouts of the Freedom and Justice. In his last breath, the words he uttered were still so full of hate and he clearly felt no remorse.
Athrun gently placed both bouquets on his mother’s grave and stepped back to ponder more in silence. Were his parents at peace now? If the afterlife really existed, did they have a chance to meet again? Did his father learn to forgive, regret his actions, and have another change at happiness with his mother? Are they watching over him right now? He would never know the answer to these questions.
Looking at his mother’s plaque, he had a sad smile on his face. He missed her terribly. He was closer to his mother even when he was young, and her loss devastated him. On some days, he thought about the times when he got home from school and Leonore would ask him about his day. He would even help her prepare dinner while they talked and waited for his father to arrive home.
Even until now, he had so much that he wanted to tell her. How he decided to join the military after the Junius Seven was attacked by naturals, how his father ached for her, how he met and battled his best friend in the battlefield, how he lost several friends and the most important of all is how he knew now what he must do as Athrun Zala and that he met someone that he wanted to cherish and protect.
His mother would have loved Cagalli, he just knew it.
Whenever he visited her now, he would take the time to reflect about the things that he would have told her if she was still alive, just like the old times. It would help him relax, thinking that his mother could still hear him, despite not being able to answer back.
Today, however, he felt a bit somber than usual. There were days like this where his heart felt heavier. While he knew that she would certainly not be able to answer back, he really hoped she could. Even just once.
Before darker thoughts start to consume him, Athrun decided that it was time to call it a day. He gave a salute and was about to leave but he heard footsteps approaching, footsteps that were awfully familiar to him.
He turned to look up from his parents’ graves and found Cagalli walking towards him. She was wearing casual clothes and carrying bouquets of fresh flowers in her hands. She looked so charming in her white pants and brown jacket and Athrun could not help but stare at her.
“Cagalli…” His voice trailed off, not really knowing what to say. He was feeling a bit forlorn just a moment ago, but seeing Cagalli right now was akin to a ray of sunshine brightening a dark room. He felt a wave of positive emotions surrounding him.
“Hey, Athrun.” She beamed before she knelt to place a bouquet of orchids for his mother and daisies for his father. She then put her hands together in prayer. Athrun observed her, her back dignified and elegant as she paid her respects. She stayed like that for a few minutes before she stood up and turned to him. “I’m glad that I was able to catch you here. You just left a message that you were going to Aprilius to visit but you didn’t wait for my response. I wanted to go together.”
“Ah… I’m sorry. I thought that since you had to attend the Junuis Seven memorial services with the ZAFT council and Atlantic Federation, you wouldn’t be able to come with me.” He apologetically responded.
She shook her hand, smiling in understanding. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, I wasn’t able to tell you that I would only be attending the first half of the event. Before I could respond, I realized you already caught a flight to the PLANTs. So, I followed here in secret instead!” She grinned, amused that she didn’t get caught.
“I see, then I’ll wait for your response the next time.” He promised, excited at the prospect that she would visit with him next time.
“This is the first time we visited here together, right?” Before the second bloody valentine war, Cagalli had been pre-occupied taking over the role as the new leader of Orb and reconstruction efforts. After the second bloody valentine war and the incident with Foundation, she was busy as always, but now, she started to delegate tasks to people she trusted a little bit more, so it lightened her workload a bit.
“Yeah.” Cagalli agreed. “I can’t believe it took this long.” Then she turned to look at Athrun’s parents’ graves and bowed her head. “I’m really sorry Mr. and Mrs. Zala, I promise to visit with Athrun more.”
Athrun raised his brows, looking amused that Cagalli was talking to them as if they were both there in front of them. He took the queue and decided to do the same. “Father, Mother, this is Cagalli, she’s Kira’s twin sister. She’s a very special person to me. I wish you both could have met her. I think you would have gotten along.” He said in a bittersweet voice. Because of the war, he met Cagalli. But because of the same war, he lost both of his parents. He wished there was another way for the most important people in his life to have met.
Cagalli sensed the change in his mood and rubbed his back. “I’ll keep looking after Athrun, Mr. and Mrs. Zala, so don’t worry so much about him. He can be a bit of an idiot at times, but I’ll stop him from doing anything reckless and make sure he’s always well.” She leaned her head into his shoulder and Athrun held her, pulling her close.
They stood in pleasant silence, the wind breezing past them. Cagalli removed her hand from his back and held the collar of her jacket closer to give herself more warmth in her exposed neck area. “Wow, I brought the wrong jacket, I didn’t expect it to be so cold. I didn’t think PLANTs also simulated cold winds as well.”
Athrun smiled at her fondly and removed the red scarf around his neck and wrapped it around hers instead. “Here, you can wear this.”
“Is it alright for me to wear this? Won’t you feel cold yourself?” She worriedly asked, looking cute and cozy with the scarf up to her chin area. She was concerned that she was warm at expense of his discomfort.
He shook his head and reassured her, re-adjusting the scarf around her. “I’m not feeling cold at all. You can keep wearing it.”
They stayed there for a few more moments before they decided they should call it a day as the sun was about to set. Athrun reached out his hand to Cagalli and she took it. Before walking away, Athrun spoke. “We’re leaving now, Father, Mother.”
“We’ll see you again soon, Mr. and Mrs. Zala.” Cagalli bowed her head again in respect and with that they started to walk away.
They walked towards the exit of the memorial slowly, their hands clasped together. It was a rare occasion that they were able to walk hand-in-hand like this, and they both savored it. It was already late and with Cagalli in her casual wear and the memorial heavily guarded outside, he figured it was alright to do this.
“By the way, can I ask you a question?” Athrun started, cutting the comfortable silence in between them, his hand never letting hers go.
“Hmm…?” Cagalli asked, turning her head to look at him.
“When you knelt and a while ago, what were you thinking about? Were you talking to my parents?” He asked with a bit of curiosity.
She nodded. “I thanked them.”
“Thanked them?”
“Yes, I thanked them.”
Now he was extremely curious. “Really? What for?”
“Without them, you wouldn’t be born, and I wouldn’t have met you. So, I thanked them for bringing you into this world and raising you to be the person that you are right now.” She smiled, her eyes twinkling with happiness. She gripped his hand tightly. “I told them how incredibly grateful I am that we were able to cross paths.” She looked forward, humming in a sing-song tune.
“Cagalli…” His voice trailed off. Before the first war ended, he once told her that he was grateful to have met her. She didn’t respond back with words, but rather, accepted his affection by kissing him back. But hearing it now, it did hit quite differently when feelings are articulated into words. It made him understand her even better and he did not need to second guess or overthink things. His heart was overwhelmed with so many emotions that he suddenly pulled her into a hug.
“A-Athrun!” Cagalli tensed up a bit as she was surprised at the contact. She was probably conscious with this much contact while they were in a public place. “Oy…”
But Athrun selfishly buried his head into her shoulder, refusing to let go. “Let me hold you for a little bit... Please…” He just wanted to let her know how much those words meant to him.
Cagalli relaxed and returned the hug back and rested her head into his chest. “Geez, it can’t be helped. You’re such a handful.” He felt her smile and lovingly rubbed his back.
“Thank you for coming with me today.” He told her when they finally let each other go, his gaze held so much fondness and love that he could possibly have. “I appreciate that you came here. I usually think about sad things when I visit, but today, I’m happy that you’re here.”
“Then I’ll visit with you as much as I can! We can’t have your mind running crazy like a hamster!” He chuckled at that, remembering when she first uttered those words during the first war. “If anything, I should apologize because I was only able to visit now.”
Athrun tucked some loose strands of her hair behind her ear. “Don’t apologize for that, I completely understand.”
Cagalli grabbed the hand that was near her ear and held it close to her cold cheeks. With the gentle breeze passing by, she used Athrun’s hand to warm her face. She then gave his hand a quick peck before clasping it in hers. They continued to walk to the exit of the memorial.
For the longest time, every February 14th, Athrun’s heart was always filled with anger, sorrow, and bitterness. But today, with Cagalli here with him, he felt different.
Cagalli always managed to lift his spirits up. When he thought he killed Kira, when his father shot him, when his father died, when he felt lost after the first and second war. When he was ready to throw his life, she reminded him that living was a greater fight. She was there for him all this time, giving him the support that he needs despite her needing it badly as well. She has so much love in her heart. For that he was grateful and promised to reciprocate tenfold.
She saved him multiple times. Today too, with her presence alone, accompanying him in this place that filled him with so much sorrow, made his heart warm and happy for the first time.
Cagalli truly touched his very core in ways that no one else ever did.
This year, what February 14th meant to Athrun has completely changed. He realized that while it had been day of mourning and grief for many years now, it could also a day of remembrance. His parents and friends shouldn’t just be remembered for how they died, but for how they lived and the happy memories that he had a privilege to have with them.
His mother had been nothing but a gentle and loving parent, wife, friend, colleague, and mentor for everyone she crossed paths with. His father had been someone he looked up to growing up and he fondly recalled the times when they went out for a father and son outings. His friends that made his military life a bit more bearable with their jokes, stories, and company.
Knowing how his mother is, she wouldn’t have wanted him to be stuck in the past, not being able to look onward. She would want Athrun to move on and pursue happiness. So Athrun would never forget. He would always hold these fond recollections with his loved ones that have passed, always close to his heart. While he did, he would remain by Cagalli’s side, holding her hand tight.
While they may not spend every single waking moment together, he would never feel alone ever again. Cagalli would always be there for him, as he would for her, even though most days they would be far apart. She would always reach out her hand and urge him to move forward, with her.
And look forward she always did. Whenever he visited here, he was always brooding, full of regrets and what ifs. But her coming here made him realize that it was okay to no longer feel sad when he visited. It was okay to wish them peace, while being perfectly content with the way things are now.
Right now, he would cherish every single moment spent not just with Cagalli, but with Kira, and other people that he grew closer with throughout the years. He would create more wonderful memories as he continues to live a life that he could be proud of, a life that would be well lived and without any regrets.
For the first time in years, he did not leave the memorial site with a heavy heart.