Work Text:
Alexander looked at the empty paper, fidgeting with the pen in his hands. He had to finish at least 5 more pages today, and his brain decided to shut down at the worst time possible.
He squeezed his eyes, putting the pen down a little more aggressively then he intended to. A sigh escaped his mouth as he rubbed his temples, staring at the white piece of paper once again.
Hamilton, the mastermind writer, was now useless without anything to put on the table. His thoughts couldn't connect to even form a normal sentence. He rarely felt like this, but it drove him crazy every time.
Alex leaned back, looking out the window of his office, complete darkness welcoming him. Time passed quickly, it was past midnight, and though he didn't notice, a storm was slowly beginning to form.
He sat there for a while, occasionally writing some words on the paper, but there was little progress in a long time. A loud crash broke him out of his trance like concentration, and Hamilton looked up, right outside the window to see it's already started raining.
His eyes unfocused for a moment, his heart forgetting to beat, before standing up and hurriedly reaching for his belongings, to pack them all up and leave. Storms were.. unpleasant for him, to say the least.
He was just about to get his pen, but a rather loud thunder echoed through the raging sky, scaring the man, which lead him to knock most things over on his desk, creating a big mess.
The ink spilled on the almost entirely empty paper, and he cursed under his breath, reaching to straighten the ink container, the liquid smearing on his hands. After cursing some more, he managed to put away everything, a defeated sigh leaving his mouth. He looked at his dirty, ink coated hand, letting his eyes shut.
They quickly snapped open at another loud clash outside, his heart beating a little faster than it should. He backed up, slumping against the wall, trying to find a grip on it. He failed and fell on the floor, eyes wide, staring before him, as he tried to keep his mind in control.
He closed them once again, taking deep breaths then exhaling shakily. A lightning flashed across the night sky and at the same time a slice of memory flickered through his mind, a little pang of pain welcoming itself in his head.
Bodies, so many dead bodies, injured people everywhere. The storm, wind, oh god, how much it hurt. Water, drowning, death. So close yet so far away. Has his time finally come? Maybe he could relax once and for all, without the fear of tomorrow.
The hurricane.
His breathing picked up, hands clutching at his own face, smearing ink all over it. Tears built up in his eyes, threatening to fall. Quiet whimpers escaped his lips, and he shrank, bringing his knees up to his chest, searching for whatever comfort he could find.
He's going to die.
No, he had to finish writing, he had to finish building his legacy. His great symphony wasn't ready yet, he couldn't die. He couldn't leave his friends, his wife, Eliza- He had so much to lose now. He couldn't throw away his shot so easily.
His hand's tried to clutch onto something on the ground, the panicked movements causing loud thuds, despite the storm outside. He was underwater, he was drowning, oh god it's over-
The thumps weren't left unnoticed, somehow there was still a person in the building at this hour and in this weather. The man walking through the hallways whipped his head up, looking at the direction of the noise, rolling his eyes when he realized who's office it came from.
Jefferson decided to check out what's going on, he couldn't let the opportunity to annoy his favorite "rival" pass. He made his way to Alex's office, but stopped when he heard weird sounds coming from inside.
He raised an eyebrow, contemplating whether he should go in or leave. He shrugged, turning away from the door, then he heard soft murmurs and sobs from the other end of the door. He stepped back, frowning. What the hell was happening inside?
He hesitantly reached for the handle, pushing it down and quietly entering. It was pitch black, the only source of light being the occasional lightning outside. Alexander was probably getting ready to leave too. He looked around, searching for Hamilton, but noticing the mess on the table first. To be fair that was quite normal, but somehow it still felt off.
He then looked around more, his gaze lowering and finally noticing a small figure on the ground, pushed up in a corner, visibly shaking. His eyes widened, he did not expect to see the man in this kind of situation. He put his pride aside and hurried next to Alexander, tapping on his arms to get his attention, but it didn't seem to work.
"Hey- What happened?" He got no response.
The man was rocking back and forth, hands clutching at the clothing covering his arms, dirtying the fabric, sometimes pulling on it and whispering unintelligible words. His wide eyes glared before him, but they weren't focused on anything particularly, they were just staring into the darkness.
His face was wet from the tears that were still escaping his puffy and red eyes, rolling down in big drops. His breaths too short and quick for it to be normal, and his heart was beating in his ears, deafening him of every word Jefferson said, only letting the loud thunders get through.
Hamilton gasped, hands moving to his throat like he was suffocating. His nails dug into the skin, aggressively scratching the sensitive area. Jefferson qucikly reached for the other's hands, pulling them away which resulted in Alex trashing around, trying to escape the sudden grip that restrained him. It was like the branches that pulled him under all those years ago.
He tugged and squirmed, but in his current state he was much weaker than Thomas, the man easily overpowering him. Seeing as it didn't help, more like made things worse, Jefferson let go, retreating his hands and gently placing them on Hamilton's knees instead, worry glistening in his eyes.
Alexander cowered, shrinking as much as possible. He was completely out of it, he didn't recognize where he was, who he was with or what was happening. In his mind, he was back to being 17, in the middle of the hurricane wrecking his town, taking many many lives.
He was sure he was going to die, either by drowning or getting crushed. There was no way out, he survived once he won't-
Suddenly hands on his face pulled him out of his memories, still not seeing much but at least he paid attention to the touch. Thomas held the other's head, his eyes lighting up when he saw Alex barely get out of his panicked state.
"... follow my breathing."
He finally heard a voice speaking to him, trying his best to pay attention. Though he missed the first part of the sentence, he still somewhat understood what Jefferson wanted. The latter took his hand, and placed it on his chest. He took exaggerated breaths, inhaling, keeping it in for a while, then slowly exhaling.
Alexander tried to mimic Thomas' breathing, succeding to an extent. He inhaled and exhaled at the same time as the other, though they came off shaky and rushed. His tears didn't stop yet, streaming down his face non-stop.
Hamilton seemed to have calmed down a little, the storm passed too, only quiet rain drops could be heard, hitting the window. He was still shaking, but at least his mind was relatively in its right place. He sometimes heard Jefferson talk but he wasn't able to listen yet.
"... me what happened?" The other was looking at him curiously, searching for eye contact.
Alex closed his slightly open mouth, finally looking at Thomas with his mind clear for the first time. He blinked, looking around and noticing the mess his office was in. He gulped, his throat feeling sore like he had been screaming, and also hurting a little.
"What.. happened?"
His voice was quiet and strained, and he had to repeat the question for Jefferson to hear it.
"That's what I would like to know too." Thomas tried to crack a joke, but retreated to being serious once he saw it was not the time.
The realization hit Alexander like a train, the memories and the flashbacks coming in, sending a shock of pain through his head. He groaned, reaching for the said part of his body and shutting his eyes.
When he opened them he was met with a rather close and maybe concerned (..?) Jefferson. Alex sighed, moving into a more comfortable position on the floor, while trying to avoid the other's piercing gaze.
"I- uh.. I usually panic whenever there's a storm. It's like a trauma response I guess. I-" He stopped, looking at the man before him. "Why am I even telling you this.." He said, more likely asking himself than the other. He sighed again, throwing his head back.
"Well I helped you, so I should probably know what caused you to break down like this." Thomas was a little offended, but why would he be? They aren't friends or anything. They most they are, are colleuges.
Hamilton bit his lip. He was right, he should tell him. There's no point hiding it anyway, he already saw his reaction. Still, the fear of getting blackmailed was still present. He didn't want to be seen as weak.
"But of course if you're not comfortable-"
"When I was 17 a hurrican wrecked my whole town." A voice interrupted the other's blabbering. Jefferson stopped, listening to the man carefully. "So many of them died.. There was water, the houses got destroyed- I really thought I would die there."
Alexander spoke quietly and unsure about Jefferson's reaction, maybe fearing it. He took a deep breath then continued.
"I survived, but ever since then I always panic whenever there's a storm and I- I was quite stressed too so It didn't help." He finished qucikly, looking up and surprisingly finding sympathy in the other's eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know your past was so-" He never finished the sentence but neither of them seemed to mind. There were no words to explain it, really.
They sat in silence for a little longer, the quiet being slightly comforting. Hamilton was still shaking a bit, so Thomas decided to put his pride away once again, and hug the man in front of him, careful not to frighten him accidentally.
It caught Alexander by surprise but he didn't reject the touch. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and relaxed against the other. He let his head fall down, his chin resting on Jefferson's shoulder.
"Thank you, really. I didn't mean to cause you trouble."
Thomas looked a little surprised. Hamilton apologizing, to him? He smiled, even laughing internally. That's something he'll never see again. Not in this life at least.
"Please don't mention this to anyone." Alex's voice came quiet again, a hint of fear in it.
"Even I am not that big of an asshole. It'll stay between the two of us." He said laughing, giving a squish to Hamilton since they were still hugging. He could swear he felt Hamilton smile.
At the end Alexander broke the embrace, standing up and organizing his stuff once more. Jefferson stood up too, brushing himself off. When Alex finished, they both left his office at the same time. Thomas escorted Hamilton to the bathroom just to make sure he gets there safely, letting him wash his face, stained with tears and a tiny bit of ink.
After finishing he looked up, and smiled at the other, signaling a kind of thanks. Jefferson smiled back, waving at the shorter. He turned around and left Alex, with his still spiraling thoughts. Will he hear about this ever again from the other? He shook his head, making his way out. He trusts him on this one.