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"And here we find you again, Var'ariit." the voice called, fond but concerned.
Cicero did not startle- he knew how to listen for S'sani's footfalls, and if the Listener truly wished him any harm, Cicero would have been dead several times over by now.
Yet, a non-committal "Hm." was the best greeting he could give. He hated the silence, but filling it with his own self-pitying voice was the last thing he wanted right now.
"That bad?" S'sani half joked, taking a seat at the usually voluble Cicero's side. "This one admits, he had hoped you were just here for duties."
Cicero gave no verbal response, just slumped his shoulders a little more, eyes slowly trailing the cracks in the stone floor between he and Mother.
S'sani huffed, wrapping an arm around Cicero's shoulders. "Listen."
A contentious word for Cicero.
"You were alone once, but that is in the past now. We are a family here, do not feel shame sharing your woes." S'sani pressed on, considering his next move.
He rested a hand on Cicero's cheek when his statement brooked no response, gently guiding his gaze back to S'sani's. "I want to see the light in your eyes, love. The bright amber that warms the hardest of hearts even in the middle of frozen nights."
Cicero frowned, but looked up at S'sani forlornly as he dropped his head onto the man's shoulder.
"Cicero has no time for gaiety today. No want of it, no need of it." Cicero's eyes fell away from S'sani's, and his head turned back toward his shoulder.
S'sani stared at the place they'd been, nonetheless. "We can make time in the future, then. Tell me what has you upset now, my Keeper."
Cicero internally flinched at the title. The crushing weight of the world and responsibility had been catching up with him, lately. His realisation had made keeping up with his duties difficult, but he remained as diligent as he could- even if he might have taken S'sani up on his offers to help lighten the workload a few times.
He should be ashamed- making the Listener do the Keeper's work.
"Cicero does not know why S'sani bothers. S'sani is too kind for this world; he should just leave Cicero to rot. He will wallow here until the walls cave in and the sweet darkness takes him, just as he deserves." Cicero mumbled, slumping against S'sani's shoulder even further.
S'sani couldn't help but be a little amused- Cicero's words were concerning, sure, but the drama and flair to them was undeniable.
S'sani patted at Cicero's shoulder. "Well, you can stay here and do that all you like, oooor... this one can show you to the kitchens, where he made berry-frosted sweetrolls and candied nightshades."
Cicero perked up a little at that, raising a brow and side-eyeing S'sani. "You did?"
S'sani couldn't help the way his face scrunched up in laughter. "It is true! They are hidden, but you know children of the moons track by scent. If we spend too much time on the wallowing, there might not be any left."
He stood up, holding out a hand to Cicero, who ignored it. Instead, the jester sprung to his feet, vanishing down the hall in a near-instant.
"Accursed mutt! If he touches any of Cicero's share, I swear-!" echoed down the hall, before fading into the background noise of the Sanctuary.
"That... was easier than this one expected." S'sani turned to Mother at the focal point of the room. A new mural sprawled out behind her- one that only required a *little* convincing for his lovers to help create.
On the whole, Mother did not care for her surroundings so much, but S'sani did, and Cicero was always overjoyed at the suggestion to make Mother's room nicer, so long as S'sani was the one to suggest it.
Arnbjorn was often harder to strongarm into doing his bidding, but S'sani always managed to get that stubborn hairball of a man to play along.
Regardless- he did not feel the gentle tug of a new contract, so he nodded to Mother in farewell, making the Keeper his priority.
"May dark moons shade you, dear Mother."
He turned then, headed for the kitchens.
--
"What had you so upset in the first place, Var'ariit?" S'sani asked, wiping a cloth over his jaw to get the crumbs out of his fur.
"Eh? Oh!" Cicero exclaimed around his own mouthful. He swallowed, only to take another bite before continuing. "Cicero had remembered- his first loss. Well, the first to truly hurt him."
Some of that same sorrow returned to his eyes as he swallowed his last bite of sweetroll, clutching at his heart as he spoke. "How he loved her so. The only one willing to keep him company during those lonely Cyrod nights. We would sing, we would dance- sometimes, he even managed to pick her fresh berries from the old General Aelius' yard- and the old General Aelius was never forgiving to anyone he discovered disappearing those tastiest of little treats."
He sighed, taking another sweetroll and plucking a nightshade petal straight from the top of it. "One day, she ran away. Cicero has never known why, but his father -before his mysterious and so very very accidental death- always reminded him it was Cicero's fault. Cicero drove her away. Cicero wore her out. Maybe she grew to hate him, or maybe she was eaten by a giant harpy in the night and he was so dumb he failed to notice!" Cicero yelled, returning the nightshade and sweetroll to their tray in frustration and anger.
S'sani's flicked his tail, picking up the discarded piece of nightshade and smelling it briefly. He held it out for Cicero then, gesturing for him to do the same. "ground yourself, my heart. Anger will get us nowhere, today."
Cicero pouted, but obligingly took the thing, smelling the sweetened scent of the candy mixture mingled with the familiar one of the flower. It always reminded him of Mother, who he knew in his heart (as S'sani would reassure him of this daily) loved him.
S'sani was at a loss for words. He awkwardly placed a hand on Cicero's knee, looking up at the jester from where he sat on the counter. "Your father sounds like a terrible man. This one is glad of his assuredly accidental death, but... you know none of his words are true, right? You are one of S'sani's favourite people. Whenever this one takes over your Keeping duties for Mother, she will gripe at me to ask where you are. You have even endeared Arnbjorn to you, for Jode's sake.
Cicero shook his head lightly. The earlier delighted swinging of his feet had turned into a languid little circle now. "Sometimes, Cicero thinks maybe his heart is rotten. He poured all of it into caring for sweet Massima, after all. Alas, the very first and only ever night he left her cage door open was the very night she abandoned him forever and ever." his voice was bitter, though S'sani was unsure who the unsavoury tone was directed at.
Silence, for a beat.
"A cage?" S'sani baulked, staring at Cicero. "Who- who are you talking of? S'sani does not know you to keep loved ones in cages."
"Massima!" Cicero reminded, throwing his arms out and leaning toward S'sani in his insistence. "She was the most beloved little rat on all of Nirn, he took her on walks around the city daily, she never wanted for anything! It must have been Cicero's own fault."
S'sani tried to keep his sigh of relief subtle, though with Cicero's observation skills, the other man undoubtedly noticed.
"Dearest, sometimes even the most content of pets leave us. This one may not have been there, but he can tell your childhood rat did not hate you. In fact, from all you have told me, she surely loved you very much. Sometimes our mistakes may lead us down dark paths, all of our Brotherhood knows this, but those mistakes *do not* make us bad people. You are, perhaps, the kindest of people S'sani knows."
S'sani sought out one of Cicero's hands, remembering the candied nightshade. He met no protest as he lifted their entwined hands- Cicero only stared at him appreciatively while they both pushed the confection past his lips.
Once S'sani removed their hands, Cicero begun to chew, gently squeezing S'sani's hand all the while.
"One day, Var'ariit." S'sani whispered, his other hand coming up to frame Cicero's cheek.
Cicero looked a world away, content in just starting at his Listener, before realising S'sani's unfinished vow. He titled his head in question.
S'sani leaned forward, lightly bumping their noses together. "I know it will not come quickly, but one day I will make you understand just how important you are." S'sani said, then dipped down to press his lips to Cicero's.