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Reacting to Helluva Boss

Summary:

Despite trying everything, uncertainty and anxiety do not allow Blitz to fall asleep. His eyes don't stop following the same route towards the calendar hanging on the wall and his mind cannot help but be filled with doubts and ideas that in the end end up mixing with the indecipherable feelings that run within him, creating a whirlwind of concerns focused on his stomach that makes him feel like he needs to throw up.

And all thanks to that specific day marked in red on the calendar, which just happened to be the next day.

'Full moon (?)'

When the imp finally manages to overcome insomnia, his surprise is great when the next day, when he wakes up, he is not in his bed, but rather he is in... A movie theater?

Or:

Watching: Helluva Boss.

[...]

If you're not familiar with "Watchings", it's basically about characters from a series or show (in this case Helluva Boss) reacting to, well, their own series.

Chapter 1: Introduction + Pilot (Non-canon)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When light was the only thing filling his eyes after being immersed in darkness for an unknown amount of time, he had to blink several times to eliminate the small glare pain his eyes experienced.

His sight moved aimlessly around the room, inspecting it while his brain tried to process the information of the situation.

The first (and only) thing he could notice was that there was a single light on the ceiling, right above him, the same one that had caused him to be dazzled. With the illumination of it, he could notice that not so far from him there was a giant rectangular object that seemed to be a screen; However, he wasn't so sure, the light was somewhat dim.

Where the hell was he and why did it look like a movie theater?

Had he gone to the movies and the movie was so boring that he almost died? Had he taken more drugs than necessary and somehow ended up in the movies?

What the hell was happening?

He tried to put his thoughts away for a moment and instead dedicate himself to trying to get up from the ground.

To his surprise, his body didn't hurt, he just had those little sensations that were always there when he first woke up in the morning. That was a good sign, maybe he wasn't in trouble and there was a good explanation for all of this.

His eyes perceived how four lights that came from different places suddenly turned on, providing more illumination and making Blitz able to appreciate the true dimension of the room in which he found himself.

But not only that, but he could also realize that it was not just him in the place as he had believed, there were more people, and they were all familiar faces.

"Fizz? Asmodeus? What...?" Blitz couldn't formulate the words properly due to his brain coming up with questions too quickly.

Those mentioned, upon hearing their names, turned to look, only to seem more confused than they already were.

Before he could say anything else, his ears caught a familiar sound that immediately caused his heartbeat to skyrocket and his eyes to widen in surprise and nerves.

"Blitz?"

With a bit of difficulty Blitz swallowed and turned around, confirming what was already obvious but his mind didn't want to accept.

"Hey, Stols." The smile he showed him seemed more forced than he would like to admit. "What...?" His mouth continued to move but the words simply stopped there. The reality is that he had no idea what to say. Too many things were happening at the same time.

Stolas didn't seem to be doing better than him, he also seemed nervous and insecure, his left arm was caressing his right with some haste and his eyes—despite not always being so expressive—looked tired.

"Sir?" Moxxie's voice interrupted the (awkward) moment of the owl and the imp, bringing them both out of the suffocating silence in which they found themselves.

The smaller imp had a worried and a little confused expression as well.

"Mox? What happened? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same. The last thing I remember was going to sleep next to Millie as usual, and when we woke up we were here."

Blitz frowned and his eyes narrowed slightly, something was definitely not right.

A new voice joined in, this one heard just a little further away than the prince's and both he and Blitz turned to look where it came from.

"Dad? What happened? Why are we here?"

"Via?"

The owl hurried over to where his daughter was, looking worried.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" He placed his hands around her head.

"Uh, yes, but..."

"The fuck am I doing here!?"

Everyone immediately turned to where the scream had come from.

"Stella?"

"Mother? You're here too?"

Both Octavia and Stolas approached the swan woman, however Blitz could not follow the conversation they immediately began because something else caught his attention.

"What the hell?" Loona growled.

Without thinking twice he ran to where his daughter was lying on the ground. Looking just as bewildered as everyone else.

"Loonie? Are you okay?" He extended a hand to her, and although it took her a few seconds, she ended up accepting it.

"Yes, but... What happened? I don't remember coming here." She took a look at the room, inspecting it.

"I have no idea, but don't worry, I know we will find a way out."

Loona smiled, but without conviction.

At first, one of Blitz's first thoughts was that maybe someone had kidnapped him and left him alone in some kind of torture room, but now he had no idea what was going on. How could nine people be kidnapped and all at the same time? And even more so when three of them turned out to be powerful royal demons. Something strange was happening.

Soon everyone began to have individual conversations that were eventually turning into an unintelligible noise, but what was certain was that all the discussions were about the same thing: What was happening?

The rising bustle inevitably began to fill the room, for some reason there were some people who seemed upset, others began to panic, and others were just trying to calm down those who were getting upset.

Before Blitz could use his very powerful lungs and voice to try to end the wave of screams, a strange and somewhat distorted voice echoed through the room as if it had been thunder.

"Welcome to you all"

The bustle stopped suddenly once they heard the peculiar roar.

"What the hell? Who are you? What is all this?" Stella moved ahead of anyone who was about to ask the same thing, looking confused and irritated at the same time.

"Who I am is of total irrelevance. Believe me. But I did want to explain to you what is happening. I can tell you're all a little tense."

"That's a euphemism." Moxxie responded quickly, not quite sure where to look, as the voice was coming from everywhere.

"First of all, abandon any idea that we want to harm you, that is not the purpose. You were brought here to react to..." The owner of the voice seemed to hesitate a little, a strange sound manifested but quickly stopped. "...I'm sorry. I was saying that you have been brought here to react to specific audiovisual material."

"To what now?" Blitz was quick to ask, having gotten lost in the strange explanation. "Is it necessary for you to speak so... Like that?"

"Not really, but it's fun. Anyway. I mean we want you to react to some recordings that will play on the screen right in front of you."

"So that's what the big screen was for, huh?"

"Woah, hold on a moment. Are you telling me you kidnapped us because you want our opinion on some kind of movie or show?" Fizz looked incredulous, and a little annoyed too.

"It is a way of seeing it."

"If I asked how you managed to kidnap us, would you answer?" Stolas questioned.

"Of course not, I don't think that's a good idea for now. But, hey, whatever. Believe me when I tell you, I didn't bring you here to hurt you... Look, it's hard to explain, okay? But this is actually to help you."

"Help us to what?" Millie spoke for the first time.

"You are going to discover that when you react, you will see.

"I don't know, that doesn't seem very credible". Blitz rejoined the conversation. "This is all too strange."

"That's true." several people said in unison.

"You kidnap us in some way, you put us in a strange room that looks like a gangster's warehouse but with a giant screen inside and nine seats, just the number of people we are; You're talking to us from Lucifer knows where and you also have a voice filter on as if this were a human horror movie." Moxxie listed with his fingers each of the things he was saying. "And you expect us to just ignore everything I just mentioned and sit in those seats and watch a movie or show or whatever like it's some kind of friends night?!"

"In resume, yes."

No one in the room even knew what to think or say, the smallest imp was right, it was all too weird.

"So... Do you accept or not?"

[...]

"I've got to say that I still don't quite understand what's happening, but maybe it's better if we just... Do as we're told" Stolas suggested, without looking very convinced of his own words.

"I think his Highness is right, sir, I took a look at the room and the exit doesn't seem to be very easy, I'd dare say that there doesn't even seem to be one." Moxxie agreed with the owl, addressing his boss.

"Okay, okay, fine." Blitz made a gesture with his hands and rolled his eyes. "They're saying all they want is for us to react to something, right?"

"That's right" The somewhat distorted voice echoed throughout the room as it had already done several times "The only thing that is asked of you is that you sit in the respective seats behind you and react to what will appear on the screen. What you want to do with the information that is revealed to you will depend entirely on each of you."

"What do you mean by 'information'?" Stella raised her voice as usual, looking up.

"Watch what's on the screen and discover it for yourself."

Everyone turned to look, feeling a little hesitant about whether to accept or not; although if they thought about it, they weren't sure they even had a choice either.

Blitz was the first to seem to have made up his mind, he let out a sigh and took a step forward.

"Well, you know what? Fuck it, this is still weird and all, but if all they want is for us to watch something, what's the worst that could happen? I mean, if they wanted to hurt us, I think by this point they would've already done it."

Now looking a little indifferent, he turned and walked towards the seats, where he soon randomly chose one and sat on it.

"M&M, Loonie? What do you say?"

Those mentioned took a few seconds to exchange glances, then resigned themselves like their employer and went to keep him company.

Millie took a seat on the right side of Blitz and Moxxie one on the right side of his wife (that is, the next seat).

Loona, however, took a seat on the left side of Blitz, but leaving two seats in between.

Loona looked away from her cell phone for a moment to cast a questioning look at Octavia, who seemed to be doubting whether she would accept or not. Since the time they were in Los Angeles and had exchanged phone numbers, their conversations had become more and more recurrent, now they were practically friends.

After a few seconds Octavia caught it and a hint of security and a feeling of company filled her, looking a little more determined, she walked towards the seats and took one on the right side of Loona.

"Octavia! I haven't given you permission to accept yet! Also what are you thinking sitting in the middle of all those damn plebeians?" Stella was frowning and seemed genuinely disgusted.

The aforementioned only rolled her eyes and did not move from her place. The imps just looked at each other with a little irritation, but tried to ignore it, anyway it wasn't news to be degraded like that by someone from royalty.

"Leave her alone, Stella, she can decide where she wants to sit." Stolas intervened, approaching his daughter and placing a hand on her shoulder in support, while he cast an annoyed glance towards the swan woman.

"Who the hell spoke to you, you fucking imp-sucker embarrassment!?

Blitz didn't flinch, but deep inside him he felt a small pang of guilt for, from his point of view, having caused a family to now be so dysfunctional and broken.

Stolas rubbed his temples wearily.

"Can we not have this conversation now? Really, it's not the time nor the place."

To his luck and everyone's surprise, the swan woman seemed to listen to the owl and choose temporary peace.

She let out a snort and in a pompous manner turned around and chose a random seat to sit in, of course away from anyone who was not to her liking (that is, everyone).

Stolas let out a sigh of relief, thanking Satan or whatever being for Stella's decision.

"Uh... I hope there won't be any problems if I sit next to you, Blitz." Stolas hesitated.

"It's fine." The imp tried to sound as indifferent as he could, ignoring the mass of feelings and thoughts that had once again shot like crazy inside his entire being.

There was something he didn't want to face yet and he hoped Stolas wouldn't remind him. Today was the full moon, the day they met to carry out their transaction.

Not to mention, it was the first time he had seen Stolas after the unfortunate day when Striker almost killed him.

While he was happy to see how the owl was doing better, he wasn't sure he was ready to see his face and not feel guilty.

Stella gave them a prying, disgusted look as she witnessed the interaction.

"Well, guess there's not much point in trying to not accept now that everyone has already taken their seat." Asmodeus stated to his partner, although being heard by everyone.

Fizzarolli nodded and agreed. The couple walked to the seats and took the remaining two that were left.

Asmodeus took the seat to Stella's left and Fizzarolli took the seat to Millie's right.

"Well, I'm glad to see that everyone accepted. The audiovisual material will be played shortly." The mysterious voice announced once everyone had fallen silent, not having much to say.

The four lights that illuminated the room dimmed until they almost seemed to be off.

The screen turned on and in a matter of seconds the images began to run.

[There are quite a few car noises and a building is shown, all the floors seem to be not currently being used except for the seventh].

—Alright, now, I know business has been a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault! Ok? I'm not naming any names here. Moxxie.—

"Wait, wait a minute, what...? How...?" Moxxie looked bewildered, as did most of the people in the room.

"Yeah, what the hell? How the fuck do you have this? At what point did someone record us right under our noses and we didn't even notice?" Blitz agreed with his employee.

"That can be explained to you later, just keep in mind that none of this is to be used against you, you can rest assured." The mysterious voice explained.

"Assured as in 'assured', I doubt it, but anyway." Blitz leaned back against the back of his seat.

—Now, does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?—

—What about a car wash?—

—This is hell, Millie, no one cares about cars being clean here, okay. Oh, what about a billboard?"

—We can't afford a billboard, sir.—

—Helpful, Moxxie, really glad you're in the room right now—

Loona let out a very subtle laugh that went unnoticed.

—Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?—

[Blitz turns on the TV and plays a clip of them murdering people].

Octavia raised a curious eyebrow at the screen, seeming a little interested.

—Ah, those were the good times.—

—I don't need any reminder, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you the additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches. —

—Uh, hey, excuse me. What's obnoxious about a super-fun jingle? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spitting bullshit.

"I would say he's right." Fizz declared, mostly to Ozzie.

—People love musicals, sir.—

—Exactly, Millie, and we're basically doing a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theater dream like my dad did?— [Dramatically]

—Sir... —

—Because right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me, crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.— [Continues to be dramatic].

—Are you tryna crush his dreams, Moxxie?—

—I... What? —

—I thought I knew you—

—I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I made you employee of the month.—

Moxxie remembered the photo his boss had shown and immediately rolled his eyes.

[Blitz takes a rather unflattering photo of Moxxie].

—Ok, sir. I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles.—

—I liked it.—

—Do not... Do not agree with him in front of me.

[The commercial they were talking about starts playing]

—Hi there, I'm Blitzo, the 'o' is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P. Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to hell or are you an innocent soul who got fucked over by someone else?—

"Is it possible to be sent to hell because of someone else? " Stolas tilted his head slightly, with genuine curiosity.

"Nah, everyone takes responsibility for their own actions. But sometimes you gotta be a little condescending to customers. You know, it benefits the business more." Blitz explained, shrugging.

"I see."

[The commercial scene changes to another demon being interviewed, with Blitz holding a sign that says 'Some guy who hired us']

—After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a deliveryman, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here. After the State of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body—.

Moxxie and Stolas grimaced.

"And he's actually surprised to end up in hell?" The owl couldn't help but wonder.

"That's what I was talking about".

[The scene returns to Blitz with Millie and Moxxie behind opening a portal]

—Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive.—

"So this is the business you were telling me about the other day, right, Stolas?"

"That is right. "

Blitz didn't comment on it, but a little curiosity began to grow within him. Why would Stolas tell Asmodeus about his business?

He tried not to think about it too much, but a strange worry settled in him, something didn't add up.

[Blitz drops into the portal and the scene changes to the musical part of the commercial].

[Music plays as different scenarios of the three imps killing people play]

Stolas found the song quite funny and started bobbing his head to the rhythm, he always appreciated a good piece of music.

"Well, I admit it's catchy." Fizz commented.

[The song is about to end, but stops abruptly when Moxxie shoots a child]

[The scene changes to three health officials trying to save the boy, they exchange a short dialogue and get three pairs of defibrillators, which they use incorrectly but they still work and Eddie (the boy) comes back to life.]

"I'm no expert, but I could bet that's not the way to use a defibrillator." Stolas commented with concern, were all the doctors on Earth this incompetent or just that specific one?

—Holy shit, it actually worked.—

[The doctor reports the child's condition and asks the imps a question.]

—The fuck is insurance?—

[The next scene shows the three imps being thrown out of a window, then the scene changes again and returns to the Office at the beginning.]

Several people let out a small laugh.

—I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Is very simple—

—Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.—

Octavia smiled, she appreciated that Loona knew how to respond quickly.

—You sit, sit on... A... In the... The... Do your job!—

—Hey now, we don't blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay? She didn't do anything wrong.

[Blitzø pets Loona and she growls]

Stolas smiled a little when he saw how much Blitzø loved his daughter.

—Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful.—

[Scene changes to some random day where Loona receives a call].

—Hello? I.M.P.—

[Loona doesn't even answer and hangs up the phone.]

[The scene changes again and this time it is Blitzø giving something to Loona, Loona asks if it is the cure for syphilis and Blitzø hesitates, she shouts that she doesn't want it then and Blitzø leaves the room, saying that they are spiders. Loona curses and the scene changes again].

"Uh... Why did you give her a box full of spiders?" Stolas looked quite confused. Although the question was meant for Blitz and he had used a low tone, most people heard this.

"It's a... Long story. I'll tell you some other day." Blitz responded quickly and a little nervously.

[Moxxie asks Loona if she was the one who sent him an ad for weight loss, she denies and he wonders why anyone would do that, but Loona tells him it's very obvious why.]

[The scene changes once again to Loona eating an avocado salad that is not hers, claiming that she is having a bad hangover, Millie asks her why she drank on a work night and Loona replies that it is actually from today]

—Isn't that my lunch?—

—You know what? I can't take this assault right know, I need to blow off some fucking steam.—

Octavia smiled again, just with a few actions she began to feel that she had several things in common with Loona and she liked the girl's personality.

[Loona runs out of the building screaming and then kicks a baby in a stroller, leaving the mother bewildered.]

[The scene now changes to Loona telling Blitz that her "friend" her owl is on the phone, and that he also sounds a little DTF.]

"Oh no." Octavia quickly deduced that it was her father and she lowered her hat to her face as usual when she wanted to disappear and reappear somewhere else.

Stolas turned to look at his daughter with some concern, he didn't know what exactly he was going to say this time, but he knew the way most calls with Blitzø went and it was likely that this call was a of those.

—Oh, God, it was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole none of us would have access to the living world.—

Stolas tried not to pay much attention to the way Blitz had referred to him, maybe he deserved it in the end. Although that didn't stop an uncomfortable feeling from settling inside him.

[Moxxie looks surprised]

—You what?—

[The scene changes to the memory of when Blitz took the book.]

—Got the book, got the book, got this fucking heavy book.—

[Blitz goes out to the balcony and tries to get down carefully, but the weight of the book upsets his balance and he falls on the table where he was having breakfast with two other friends]

—Sorry, I fucked your husband.—

Stella remembered that time and, although she didn't say anything, the venomous look she sent to both the imp and the owl didn't go unnoticed by anyone.

Stolas smiled sadly as he remembered that morning too.

Millie giggled and Moxxie just rolled her eyes, but he also smiled a little at the audacity his boss sometimes showed.

Or, well, all the time.

[Scene cuts to Loona still waiting for Blitz to answer the phone.]

—Blitz!—

—I heard you alread...!

[Scene changes to Blitz answering the phone.]

—Oh, what can I do for you this time, Stolas?—

—There's a political candidate causing trouble up on earth for a few of my associates, he's trying to convince people global warming exists.—

—Doesn't it?—

—Well, yes, but more people die if nothing's done about it, and it gets lonely here.

—Okay, well, now that make sense.

—Do you know what happens when I'm lonely Blitzy?"

[Blitz glances at the phone, knowing what's coming].

—Oh, God fucking dammit.—

Both Octavia and Stolas shrank in their seats, having their own individual reasons. 

—When I'm lonely, I become hungry, and when I become hungry I want to choke on that red a** of yours *** *** and lick all of ***, before taking out your *** with more teeth until you're screaming *** like a fucking baby... —

"..."

Octavia made a sound of annoyance, having expected it.

Loona even looked away from her cell phone for a few seconds, a little amazed by the prince's... Poor dirty talking skills.

Millie seemed to be the only one not so affected, she just smiled in amusement. Her husband, on the other hand, had a look that was a little difficult to decipher, he seemed somewhere between surprised and a little uncomfortable.

Stella by this time had no way to look more displeased.

Fizz brought a hand to his face with a little pity for the prince.

"Stolas, little thing, you do know that we have some brochures with tips for dirty talk in my factory, right? I even keep some in my office just in case." Asmodeus suggested. As the embodiment of lust he of course appreciated the owl's enthusiasm, but he considered that some things could be better.

Stolas had never wanted to be swallowed by the ground as much as he did now.

"Thank you, Asmodeus." He thanked with some difficulty, accompanied with a rather forced smile.

Blitz couldn't help but notice how bad the owl was having it, so for some reason he felt a little bad.

"Well, to be fair, you've improved quite a lot lately, you know?" He tried to cheer him up.

However, what he said was no lie, as time went by Stolas only got better and better. In everything.

[The next thing Blitz does is break his phone in two, crush it into more pieces, liquefy it and turn it into juice; the same one he gives to Loona].

—You know the bridge over the freeway?—

—Yeah?—

—Shit off it. —

[The scene changes once again.]

—Look, the point is Loona is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of family.

[Loona smiles subtly].

—We aren't a family, sir. You are the boss, we are the employees. You treat her like she's some troubled teenager. She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones.—

[Loona gives Moxxie the middle finger without even turning to look at him].

—That is offensive. Without homeless people I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life."

[Blitz opens the window and greets someone].

—While we're on the subject of 'family', can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work—.

—C'mon, sweetie, it's not that big of the deal. —

—Excuse me, what?

[Scene changes to Moxxie and Millie on an everyday day.]

—Honey, can you get me the butter?

—Spoiler alert: the butter spoiled.

[Blitz says from inside the refrigerator].

[Millie laughs]

—What's funny, honey?

—Really impressive wordplay.

—What the...!? Why are you in our fridge!?

[Scene changes to Millie and Moxxie sleeping.]

[Moxxie opens his eyes and Blitz is the first thing he sees, and somehow he's purring.]

"That's really creepy." Octavia commented. Sometimes she didn't understand why her father enjoyed being around the little devil so much.

—Whatcha dreamin' about?

—I was dreaming my parents were being murdered, but now, I'd like to go back to that.—

"Understandable." Fizz also agreed with Octavia.

[The scene changes to Millie and Moxxie singing, then they are about to kiss but Moxxie notices that Blitz is recording it.]

—Are you fucking filming us right now?!—

"Should I worry about this?" Fizz addressed the question as much to Ozzie and Blitz as to himself.

Asmodeus couldn't answer and shrugged his shoulders, while Blitz just pretended not to hear the question.

[The scene changes back to the Office].

—Just stop doing that.—

—I don't see what the issue is. Something you don't want me seeing?—

—No—

—You a baby-weiner-haver? —

[Loona seems to laugh at Blitzø's joke]

—Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!—

[Moxxie gets upset].

—Calm down, Mox, you're gonna have another panic attack—

—I'm calm!—

[Millie hugs him and calms him down].

—Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside of work ours, so don't judge me.

—Oh, I do judge you, sir, quite a lot actually—

—Mox, he's our boss!—

—No, no, no, it's fine, Mills, your husband is just... Oh, how do I say this without being offensive... Retarded."

—Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life. _

—It actually does. —

—The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage.

—No, he's not, you bitch!

—Do not talk to my receptionist that way, she's sensitive!"

"Wow, that escalated quickly." Fizz said.

—Yes I am!

[A new voice joins in]

—You guys are all fucking assholes.

No one commented anything, but some were a little surprised by the boy's presence.

—Oh, shut up, kid, you're lucky to witness this.—

—This company is such a mess.

"A bit." Fizz commented again. "But at the same time somehow you also make it work."

—Okay, now let's go back to talking about my outfit.—

—Nobody was talking about that.

—And that's why I'm tryna get that ball rolling. Now how does it look? It looks good right.

"You look charming as always, Blitz." Stolas could not control the impulse to flatter the imp.

A strange and quick heat settled on his cheeks, but he knew how to handle it quickly.

"Thank you, Stols."

Octavia just watched the interaction between the men with curiosity.

[The boy removes his medical equipment as he admits that it was a martyrdom to pretend he was dead so they wouldn't kill him, but now that was exactly what he wanted. The child begins to insult each of the members of the work team individually. Everyone concludes that he really is a piece of shit.]

—Oh Fuck! Guys, I just got a text from the client, guess he was right target after all. —

—Who?

—Him.

—Me?

—Yep.

—They wanted us to kill an actual child?

"Yeah, well, I can see why." Fizz admitted. Most people quickly agreed with him.

—That's what they're saying.

[Blitz shrugs and brushes it off]

—Ah, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god.

[Before anyone sees him coming, he pulls out a gun and doesn't hesitate to shoot the boy, who dies immediately]

[Blitz starts a short monologue as different scenes of them dismembering the boy start running]

For a moment, Octavia felt a little like being part of the company. Despite its dysfunctionality, it seemed like it was fun at times.

—You know, folks? With this company I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can, like killing people. So from us here at the Immediate Murder Profesionals group we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money is gone and you're never getting it back and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it because it's hell and no one fucking cares.

[Blitz and the others pack the boy in a bag and then Blitz surrounds everyone with his tail in a hug].

—You know, even though that kid was a target... he was still a child. It's important that we handle this going forward respectfully.

[The scene changes to Earth, a desperate-looking mother is on the news asking for help to find her son, providing a very mediocre drawing instead of a suitable photo.]

"Are you kidding me? A drawing instead of a real picture? And as if that weren't enough, a poorly done drawing?!" Stolas was a little annoyed. There were parents who definitely did not deserve to have children.

[The mother is interrupted when a sack falls on her from above that contains the body of her son].

—You're welcome!—

[They enter the portal again and that is the end].

"Well... That was... Interesting." Fizz admitted.

"I still don't understand how the hell do they have these recordings, but yeah, I agree, it was interesting." Blitz looked at the jester.

"Yes, but I still don't get it, what is the purpose of all this?" Stolas was confused.

"That will be clarified later. For now, stay comfortable; There are still more than ten recordings left." The mysterious voice was quick to respond.

Notes:

Hi!

This work was originally made in spanish but I decided to give it a try in english, it's the first time I take the risk and write (and post) something in english. As you can see I'm not really an expert, so this work could have a lot of things wrong. So if you happen to notice something in some part of the reading, you can comment about it, as long as you do it with respect. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Now, regarding other stuff:

Since the (old) pilot of the series was decanonized, this reaction does not count for the fanfic “plot”. But it’s here anyway because it’s funny.

If you skipped the introduction because you’re impatient and wanted to go straight to the reaction instead of reading my attempt at an explanation (excuse) about why there are several demons locked in a movie theater reacting to their lives in the form of a web series, here’s the list of who’s in the theater.

Yes, of course I had to go with the cliché and put them in a movie theater. Honestly, is that even relevant?

What matters is that the idiots react, and that’s it.

Now then, the list. In alphabetical order because why not.

Asmodeus (Ozzie), Blitz, Fizzarolli, Loona, Millie, Moxxie, Octavia, Stella, Stolas.

I was thinking about adding Verosika and Striker, but I think they would end up feeling unnecessary.

One last thing I almost forgot to mention: The timeline we’re in is after the last episode that came out (Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special).

Fucking long title.