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Ryan was passionate about things he cared about. Both he and Shane were lucky enough to be able to make a living doing things that fell into that category. They had a wonderful team of people around them who helped them in their projects, but there were still parts of the process that they were unwilling to delegate.
Shane understood that better than most. He still worked long days when he was preparing new seasons of Puppet History, even though the team working on it was a lot bigger now than it was in season one when most of the work had fallen on Shane. He cared about the show a lot and he needed it to be perfect. So he understood where Ryan was coming from.
There were differences between them too. On the outside, especially if you didn’t know Shane, he could look cool and collected. Like someone who didn’t really care about what other people think. And to some extent, that was right. But he’d never really managed to reach that when it came to shows he was making. He did care and he did worry. He worked long hours to ensure that everything they published was up to the very high standard he held for himself.
But Ryan… Ryan’s worries were on a completely different level. As a self-proclaimed people pleaser with an anxiety disorder, his worries sometimes tended to grow to unrealistic proportions and there wasn’t much Shane could do to help.
It was a Friday night and Shane was clearing out the kitchen after the dinner they had just finished while Ryan was back in their office, working on the concept of a new show he’d been fine-tuning. It had been a struggle to get Ryan away from his computer for long enough to eat in the kitchen, but Shane counted his success as a small victory. He hadn’t eaten much, Shane notes as he washes the plate Ryan had been using. Stress always affected his appetite.
Another sign of stress was the three used coffee cups lined next to the sink. All from today. All from Ryan.
Ryan rarely drank coffee, wary of the effect caffeine had on him. It was always a gamble because just the right amount was able to make him alert and focused. The wrong amount made him alert and also made his anxiety spike.
Shane knew that the odds of this being the right amount were incredibly slim.
Shane didn’t really know what to do. Where was the line between caring and overbearing? Ryan was an adult, so it’s not like Shane could force him away from his computer. He could help and he has, but there are still parts Ryan wants to do on his own and Shane respects that.
But it’s also getting difficult to watch his boyfriend like this, knowing that it’s affecting his sleep, his mental health, and his eating.
Shane dries the last of the dishes he’d been washing and puts them away. He doesn’t mind cleaning on his own, knows there have been many times Ryan has picked up the chores when Shane was busy with something. This is one of the ways he knows how to help.
But he does miss spending time with his boyfriend.
Shane looks at a pomegranate on the kitchen counter. He doesn’t really care about the fruit but it’s one of Ryan’s favorites. This one has been sitting on the counter for a while now, almost as long as Ryan has been wrapped up on the new project. It’s starting to look a little sad and Shane knows it’s still on the counter because Ryan hasn’t had the time or energy to go through the ordeal of peeling it and fishing out the edible parts. That process is one of the reasons Shane doesn't care for the fruit. It’s too much work for so little.
He gets an idea.
He picks up the pomegranate and puts it on the kitchen table, before getting a knife from one of the drawers as well as a bowl from the cabinet over the sink. He brings those to the table as well and sits down. Then he gets to work.
“Hey Ryan?”
“Yeah?” Ryan replies, not looking away from the computer screen. The desk is filled with notebooks and loose pieces of paper and Shane’s sure there’s some sort of order in the chaos but that order is lost to everyone else but Ryan.
“I think it’s time to wrap up for the day,” Shane suggests gently.
“I’ll just finish this,” he replies. He looks briefly at Shane and Shane can see the exhaustion in his eyes. He walks closer and rests his hands on Ryan’s tense shoulders, squeezing gently.
“You’ve been working on it the whole day,” Shane says gently. “It’s almost ten. Come watch a movie with me.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryan says, bowing his head. “I know that I haven’t spent a lot of time with you lately.”
Shane squeezes his shoulders again, digging his thumbs into the muscles near the base of his neck.
“That’s not why I’m asking. I’m worried. You need rest.” Then, to be honest, he adds, “Also yes, I do miss you a little bit.”
He doesn’t want to guilt Ryan into relaxing, but he doesn’t want to lie either.
“Just a little bit?” Ryan asks, looking over his shoulder. His tired smile makes Shane smile as well.
“The tiniest bit,” Shane confirms, hoping to get a laugh out of Ryan.
It works, even if the sound is quite small.
“Okay,” Ryan replies. “Let me just save everything.”
“Perfect,” Shane says. “You can shower and change to something comfortable. I’ll pick a movie for us.”
“Okay,” Ryan says again. Shane starts to walk away from the room but Ryan continues when he’s at the door. “Love you, Shane.”
“Love you too,” Shane replies before heading to the living room.
While Ryan is showering, Shane turns off the living room lights, lighting the room with candles instead. He hopes the soft glow will be more relaxing. He had showered earlier when he came home from the gym, so he’s already in comfortable clothing. To maximize the comfort, he collects some blankets and pillows on the couch. He also picks a movie, something they both like and have seen before, because he has a suspicion that Ryan might not stay awake to see the end of the movie.
That, at least, is the goal.
When Ryan steps into the room, his hair still wet from his shower and in comfortable clothing, he stops as he sees the scene in front of him.
“Shane,” he breathes out.
“Told you,” Shane says. “You need to relax.”
Ryan walks up to him then, wrapping his arms around Shane in quiet gratitude.
“Your show will be great,” Shane says, his words quiet against the hair on the top of Ryan’s head where he’s leaning down and breathing in the smell of their shampoo. His shirt is getting a little damp where Ryan’s hair touches it.“I admire your dedication. But you also need to rest. No one will be happy to see you burn yourself out. Least of all me.”
Ryan breathes in shakily and holds Shane tighter. He doesn’t quite cry, but Shane can tell it’s a close thing. He just holds him and gives him time.
When Ryan does step away, Shane instructs him to sit down on the couch.
“I’ll be back in sec,” he says and disappears in the kitchen to pick up the bowl of popcorn he made, as well as the smaller bowl of pomegranate seeds from the fridge. When he gets back to the living room, he places the popcorn bowl on the coffee table and hands the pomegranate bowl to Ryan.
Ryan looks at him confused but reaches for the bowl. When it’s in his hands, he looks into it. And keeps looking at it. His expression is unreadable and Shane almost asks him what’s up.
Just as he’s about to ask, Ryan looks up at him with teary eyes. Shane is immediately alarmed.
“You peeled this for me?”
“I did,” Shane says and carefully sits down on the couch next to Ryan, feeling like the situation is fragile.
Ryan is holding the bowl in both hands and as he looks down at it again, the tears fall, a small sob making his shoulders shake.
“Hey,” Shane says gently, wrapping an arm around Ryan so he can brush his hand along his back. “What’s wrong?”
“I love you so much,” Ryan says, continuing to softly cry.
“I love you too,” Shane replies, less alarmed now when he thinks he understands. There’s nothing really wrong. The pomegranate just happened to be too much for Ryan’s tired mind to handle.
They sit like that for a while and eventually Ryan pulls himself back together. They get comfortable on the couch, Shane holding the bowl of popcorn and Ryan holding his bowl of pomegranate seeds like it’s his most prized possession. Shane doesn’t know why he brought multiple blankets to the couch when they ended up cuddled under the same one.
Ryan falls asleep less than an hour into the movie. Shane carefully removes the empty bowl from his lax hands and pulls him closer, opting to let Ryan sleep against him until the movie ends, instead of waking him up and making him go to bed.
He looks relaxed like this and Shane doesn't know how long it will last, but he will cherish this moment.
Shane still doesn’t really care about the taste of pomegranates and still thinks that they are a lot of work for very little fruit. But from then on, there’s often one in the grocery bag when he comes home from shopping.
There are many ways to say ‘I love you’. Sometimes all you need is a pomegranate.