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“No! I see myself, but… without any humanity. Only a machine…”
“It’s okay Zane. Whatever you see, it’s not real. It won’t happen.”
But it did happen.
Zane sat on his bed, staring out on nothing at all. Since returning from the Never-Realm a couple of hours ago, he had been sitting like this. Alone. Thinking. Sinking deeper and deeper into a train of thoughts that couldn’t be stopped.
He, Zane Julien, the master of ice, built to protect those who could not protect themselves, had committed genocide.
Genocide.
Something Zane thought he was incapable to even think about doing, let alone repeat it again and again for decades.
Yet he did it.
Why?
Because he was manipulated and used as a puppet by Vex Because he was stupid enough to follow someone else, even though he didn’t have his memories.
He gave Vex all of his trust, letting him form him into a monster, losing his humanity. Just as he had feared.
How could Zane just lose everything he stood by that easy? Apparently all he needed was a staff in his hand, no memories in his head, and there! A tyrant, cold, venomous, dangerous.
Perhaps… Perhaps the staff and brainwash didn’t really do anything. Perhaps it was there all along. Perhaps Zanes true face was really pure evil, hidden by a sweet facade.
Zane would never forget how Lloyd had looked at him since their fight at the temple. He avoided meeting Zane eyes, and stuttered when talking to him.
Lloyd was scared. Of Zane.
He was scared of the one who read him lullabies as a kid.
He was scared of the one who took him out for ice cream when training got too hard.
Yeah.
He was scared of the one who had hurt him, giving him frostbitten wounds.
He was scared of the one who had almost let him get killed, freezing him to the floor and watching the blade get closer to his neck.
Lloyd was scared of Zane, for good reason.
They should all be really. Zane was scared of himself.
60 years. He had been there for 60 years.
While the other ninja had returned after a few weeks, Zane had returned after decades.
As the ice ninja looked over his room, he struggled to recognise it. Had the walls always been this white? Had his shurikens been left in that exact position? Had the picture frames been in that order?
Had the room changed at all since the day all those years weeks ago when Jay had woken him from his vision?
If only Jay had believed him. Would things have been different?
No.
Because it seemed like Zane Julien was simply just evil. The Never-realm had proved that. He would have ended up showing his true self at some point.
Zane felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Was there any humanity left in him? Would he ever feel true feeling again? Was the current fear and anxiety he felt real, or just lines of code?
Did the other ninja even want him anymore?
Maybe he should leave them. They would be better off without someone they could never feel safe with.
Maybe he shouldn’t even stay alive.
Maybe it was easier to end it all.
Zane felt his hand moving without permission, sliding under his shirt, opening his chest panel, reaching in, grabbing a handful of wires, pulling them. His vision started to beep.
Maybe he could end it right n-
“Zane?” Coles voice came from the other side of the closed door.
Zane froze.
“We, uh… thought about ordering some food. None of us feel like cooking. Anything you want?”
“Uhm- no. I am perfectly fine without anything.” Zane replied, sitting completely still.
“You sure?”
“Affirmative.”
“Ok then,” Cole said gently. “But come into the living room, we would love to have you with us!”
Zane blinked. “I-I’m coming in a few minutes!”
“Ok!” Coles footsteps walked down the hall until they were inaudible.
It wasn’t until now Zane realised what he had tried to do. He immediately let go of his wires and closed the panel. A new fear striked through him.
He just tried to kill himself.
What the fuck.
Zane quickly rose from his bed.
He could never sink so low again. He could never be so selfish to go through with such a plan.
He would stay strong. For the sake of the others.
They could never see him like this.
Zane took a deep breath, wiped his tears and walked out to join the others in the living room.