Work Text:
SHIVERS [Easy: Success] — High above the rooftops of Jamrock, petrol fumes rise from the Motorway 8/81. A blue-and-white Coupris Kineema glides through the trundling traffic, winding across the city as a mouse turning familiar corners in a well-trodden maze. It pulls off of the exit and settles neatly by the side of a repurposed silk mill — now known as Precinct 41. The Kineema door clicks open.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] — Your half-brother has arrived.
BACK DOOR — The pager on your radio-phone chimes. There’s a door in the back of the station — “RCM PERSONNEL ONLY”. You head down and open it.
KIM KITSURAGI — “Well, detective, I made it — despite your directions.”
RHETORIC [Medium: Failure] — Nonsense, ignore him. Our directions were perfectly clear. He wouldn’t have arrived on time otherwise.
YOU — “Ah, Lieutenant Kitsuragi, welcome! I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “Mm.” He isn’t really listening. He follows you into the station’s break room and sits down at a table, idly checking his watch.
EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — What you’d hoped would be a fun get-together for the two of you is just another obligation for him.
YOU — I’d better check on the food, anyways… (Move on.)
INLAND EMPIRE [Legendary: Success] — Don’t open that door. The pigsflesh is no longer the same as when you put it in. It’s… changed, somehow. Ominously.
LOGIC [Easy: Success] — Of course it’s changed, it’s *cooking*. That’s what ovens do.
PERCEPTION (SMELL) [Easy: Success] — Oh, it’s cooking all right. The instant you walk into the break room kitchen, your nostrils are blasted by smoke.
KITCHEN — The door behind you swivels shut as you rush to open the oven. A nuclear cloud of heat sears the surface of your face. The inside glows red…
HALF LIGHT [Trivial: Success] — HOLY FUCK, IT’S ON FIRE!!!
KITCHEN — “Roast” is no longer an appropriate term to describe it — perhaps “torch” or “annihilate”. Certainly this crusty, unidentifiable black mass in a pan is not edible.
DRAMA [Godly: Success] — Oh, egads! Thy roast is ruined! But what if… you were to…
1. - …Blow off Kim and find a *real* party?
2. - …Pass this off as some kind of unconventional, *artistic* cooking method?
3. - …Purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?
4. - …Start crying?
DRAMA — Ho ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, my liege!
SAVOIR FAIRE — Wait, you can’t just walk out the front door. The lieutenant will get suspicious. You need to escape — Savvy-style.
1. - [Savoir Faire - Medium 10] Sneak out the window.
SAVOIR FAIRE: 3 - EVEN - 58%
[ CHECK FAILURE ]
KITCHEN — As you begin to push upwards, the window sticks. You use too much force, banging it against the head jamb. Everyone in the building can hear it.
SAVOIR FAIRE — Damn it!
KIM KITSURAGI — The kitchen door creaks. Kim Kitsuragi enters, looking perplexed. You lock eyes, and then…
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Blackness.
YOU — Aw, come on. I thought I was done with these.
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Not a chance, Harry-boy. Already the lights of your mind’s sphere are swirling, coalescing into terrible images. A tune echoes in your skull…
LIMBIC SYSTEM — ♪♫ Harr-i-er, with his crazy explanations / The lieutenant’s going to need his medications… ♪♫
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — It’s a parade of your fuck-ups — all of them, from the cenozoic dawn of your first memory to now. All the wasted opportunities, embarrassments, pointless deaths, heartbreaks… marching in a tide of booze and blood.
YOU — I’m going to be here a while then. My life is, like, 90% fuck-ups.
LIMBIC SYSTEM — ♪♫ When he hears Harry’s lame exaggerations / There’ll be trouble in town tonight! ♪♫
KIM KITSURAGI — “Officer!”
KITCHEN — The lieutenant’s shout slams you into consciousness, like falling out of the sky back into your body. You are painfully alive and present once again…
COMPOSURE [Godly: Failure] — On the verge of tears…
KITCHEN — With your meal in cinders…
SAVOIR FAIRE — …And your left leg dangling out the window like an idiot.
VOLITION — Okay, this is salvageable. First, we need…
DRAMA [Easy: Success] — …A lie! To protect ussss from the lieutenant’s ssssscorn…
VOLITION [Formidable: Failure] — Oh, no…
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] — Can’t a man stretch his legs once in a while? Tell him it’s part of your Jamrock Jingle or whatever.
YOU — “Lieutenant, I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant slow-blinks, as if he can destroy your insipid statement by squeezing it hard enough with his eyelids. He presses on, gently this time: “Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, detective?”
YOU — “Oh, that isn’t smoke, it’s steam — steam from the steamed clams we’re having. Mmm, steamed clams.” (Rub your belly.)
KIM KITSURAGI — He furrows his brow at you, then wordlessly backs away.
SAVOIR FAIRE — Phew! Okay, let’s roll.
BREAK ROOM — A quarter of an hour passes before you return with your quarry. Cloche in hand, you’re now prepared to face the lieutenant.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Legendary: Failure] — Hopefully he doesn’t notice how sweaty you are from your sprint…
YOU — “Lieutenant, I hope you’re ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!”
KIM KITSURAGI — “I thought we were having steamed clams.”
DRAMA [Impossible: Failure] — Curses!
RHETORIC — Move aside, Multi-Face. You stick to inventing stories — I’ll explain them.
1. - [Rhetoric - Challenging 12] Explain the hamburgers.
RHETORIC: 4 - LOW - 17%
-2 Said you were having clams.
[ CHECK FAILURE ]
RHETORIC — Um… oops.
YOU — ‘Oops’?
RHETORIC — Turn it around on him. He misheard you; it’s *his* fault.
YOU — “Oh, no, I said steamed *hams*. That’s what I call hamburgers.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “…You call hamburgers ‘steamed hams’?”
YOU — “Yes. It’s a… regional dialect.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “Mhm. What region?”
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] — It’s subtle, but he’s leaning in, watching you squirm. You’re not going to *stretch your calves* out of this one — he’s invested now.
DRAMA [Easy: Success] — He’s *detecting* you, sire. You know, like a detective. Which he also is.
YOU — “Uhhh… Revachol West.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “Really? Because I’ve lived in Revachol my *entire* life,” he reminds you, “and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase ‘steamed hams’.”
RHETORIC — Way to go, racist.
YOU — “Oh, not by the industrial harbor, no. It’s a Jamrock expression.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “I see.” He takes a casual bite of his ham.
REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] — There’s nothing casual about it. He’s preparing his next attack.
SUGGESTION [Challenging: Success] — You should mirror him — have a bite, too. Remind him of what you have in common. Just two friends sharing two steamed hams…
KIM KITSURAGI — Suddenly the lieutenant has removed the top bun from his ham, making a show of inspecting it. “You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Frittte.”
DRAMA [Legendary: Failure] — Inconceivable! The lieutenant hath clairvoyance!
YOU — “Ohohoho, no! Patented Du Bois burgers. Old family recipe.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “…For steamed hams.”
YOU — “Yes.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.”
VISUAL CALCULUS [Easy: Success] — Obviously. You can see the grill marks.
YOU — “…”
YOU — “Yeah, I… you know…”
KIM KITSURAGI — “…”
YOU — “One thing I should…”
KIM KITSURAGI — “…”
YOU — “Excuse me for one second.” (Flee!)
KIM KITSURAGI — “Of course.”
KITCHEN — Defeated, you disappear behind the kitchen door…
[ DAMAGED HEALTH -1 ]
ENDURANCE [Heroic: Failure] — Echhh! What are you doing? It’s impossible to breathe! Get out!
YOU — What is happening to me?!
REACTION SPEED [Trivial: Success] — THE. FIRE. You never put it out. The kitchen is filled with smoke! AND FIRE.
YOU — (Flee, again!)
DRAMA [Formidable: Success] — Poise, milord, poise! We mustn’t arouse the lieutenant’s suspicions any further!
YOU — (Stretch your arms and yawn.) “Well, that was wonderful, a good time was had by all, I’m pooped!”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant glances at his watch again. “Yes, I should be…” He trails off as his gaze drifts up past your shoulder and remains there.
INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] — Don’t look behind you. *Don’t* look behind you…
KIM KITSURAGI — Too late. With every swivel of the door, the lieutenant catches a new glimpse into hell. His spectacles flash red from the reflection — behind them, you see panic.
KIM KITSURAGI — “Good lord, what is happening in there?!”
1. - “Art is happening, Kim.”
2. - “Lo, the Gloaming is come. Isn’t it beautiful?”
3. - “It’s fire. My roast burned and now the building is on fire. Everyone needs to be evacuated right now. I don’t know why I lied about it for so long; I’m sorry!”
4. - [Drama - Impossible 18] No, damn it! Come up with a better lie!
DRAMA: 6 - VERY LOW - 3%
-1 Been jumpy all evening.
-1 Roast ruined.
-1 Trouble in town tonight.
-1 Lieutenant saw smoke.
+1 Kim trusts you.
[ CRITICAL SUCCESS ]
DRAMA — Refuge in audacity, sire. Don’t think — just speak…
YOU — “Aurora borealis.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “A… Aurora borealis?” He wants to believe he’s misheard you. He can’t. Slowly it dawns on him that there is no choice but to face your insane, terrible lie.
KIM KITSURAGI — “At this time of year…”
[ DAMAGED MORALE -1 ]
KIM KITSURAGI — “At this time of day…”
[ DAMAGED MORALE -1 ]
KIM KITSURAGI — “In this part of the isola…”
[ DAMAGED MORALE -1 ]
KIM KITSURAGI — “Localized *entirely* within your kitchen?”
[ MORALE CRITICAL! HEAL YOURSELF NOW! ]
YOU — “Yes.”
KIM KITSURAGI — Impossibly — the lieutenant’s expression softens.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] — Despite everything you’ve put him through — perhaps even because of it — he believes you totally.
KIM KITSURAGI — “…May I see it?”
1. - “Of course, Kim. I love you.”
2. - “No.”
BACK DOOR — The dinner is over. There is nothing more to do but see the lieutenant off. Outside, a thin layer of snow has begun to form on the roof of his motor carriage.
PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Easy: Success] — You hear a shout from a second-story window:
JEAN VICQUEMARE — “Shitkid, what have you done?! The station is on fire!”
YOU — “No, Vic, it’s just the northern lights.”
KIM KITSURAGI — “Well, Harry, you are an odd fellow, but I must say…”
KIM KITSURAGI — The corners of his eyes crease. “You steam a good ham.”
JEAN VICQUEMARE — “Help! Help!”
KIM KITSURAGI — Parting, he looks over his shoulder for a moment…
YOU — (Shoot Kim some finger gun action.)
KIM KITSURAGI — …then shrugs and carries on.
SHIVERS [Easy: Success] — To the south, amongst the half-frozen flakes, a fire engine tears through a red light on Boogie Street, sirens blaring…