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i. the space inside ourselves.
Every other week or so, Zelenka disappeared for a couple of hours; well, disappeared was maybe not the word for it, but he was definitely not in the labs or any of his usual haunts, and attempts to raise him on the radios were brushed aside with a terse 'Busy now.' Evan had noted it early on, and assumed it was harmless -- McKay and Sheppard would've put a stop to it if Zelenka was somehow endangering himself or the rest of the city -- but harmless or not, Evan was intrigued.
It's that time again, and Evan was tired of guessing (and just asking would be too easy), so he followed Zelenka at a distance with a life signs detector he lifted from the labs. They went to three different locations; at each one Zelenka stopped for several minutes, but Evan wasn't sure what he was doing -- as far as he could tell he was going into some kind of storage closet, and from the clicks and beeps and muttering he could hear, it sounded like he was testing something, but what exactly was still unclear.
Each stop on their weird little tour of the lower levels had lasted about the same amount of time, and yes, right on schedule, there was Zelenka, passing by the shadowed alcove Evan was standing in. Evan wondered how the man could be so unaware of his surroundings that he didn't realize he was being followed -- Evan wasn't trying for stealth, aside from not getting too close, but Zelenka acted like he didn't even know he was there.
As soon as Zelenka was ahead of him again, Evan stepped out to follow him; they skirted around the Chair Room and the ZPM chamber on their way to the next stop, and at one point, Zelenka stopped in the shadows, to allow a patrol to pass. When they reached the next closet, Evan waited until Zelenka had gone in before he moved closer. The alcove he was in was at an angle that allowed him to see inside; he was not as surprised as he should have been to see an elaborate still set-up.
He was surprised, however, when Zelenka turned, looked right at him, and asked, "Do you wish to sample this batch with me, Major?"
Evan stepped out of the shadows before he answered, "Ah, sorry, Doc. I wasn't trying to spy...well, okay, I was, but I didn't mean any harm."
Zelenka waved a hand at him, "Bez ohledu. I am not offended...but I will be if you do not at least taste the efforts of my labors."
Evan grinned at that, and said, "Sure, Doc, I'm game." And he thought he was, until he knocked back the first beaker-full. It brought tears to his eyes, and he coughed against the burn even as he held the beaker out for more. Zelenka grinned and filled it to the top.
Evan took his time with the second one; he'd never been much of a drinker, and whatever it was, it packed a punch. Zelenka was also sipping his drink, but Evan wasn't sure if it was because he'd already been drinking or if he was just being companionable. He got his answer a second later when Zelenka tugged him down to sit against the wall facing the still.
"Jsem opilý." Zelenka slumped sideways as he spoke, until he was leaning against Evan's shoulder.
"What was that, Doc?"
Zelenka lifted his head, "Oh, I am sorry. I was just commenting that I am drunk. Should not have tasted from every still, but sometimes I just want...." He trailed off, sighing.
Evan didn't know Zelenka very well, but he wanted to, so he asked, "What do you want?"
"I want...someone. It is hard being samotný, alone, in a city full of people, ano?" He was silent for a long moment, and when he spoke again, it was so soft Evan could barely make it out. "I want someone to know me."
"Doc--"
"Prosím. Call me Radek."
Evan chuckled and said, "Only if you'll call me Evan."
"Very well, Evan.... Would you like another drink?" He waggled his own beaker back and forth, smiling, and if Evan hadn't heard it himself, he would never have believed that a few moments before he'd been so...sad.
He passed his glass up to Zel-- Radek and watched as he refilled the beakers. He'd been watching Radek, and he'd seen some of that loneliness in him, but he'd had no idea it was like this. It was something to think about -- he'd only been here for a few months and he already felt like he'd been alone forever. He can't imagine how it must have felt during that first year...but he thought he might know how to make it better.
As Radek passed his drink back and sat, Evan began to speak. "Tell me about you, Radek...."
ii. i feel like i'm being born.
It was maybe not the most appropriate thing he could do while on duty, but Evan just couldn't help himself -- Radek was adorable when he was flushed and rumpled. They had been checking out some anomalous readings McKay had logged at the South Pier; Radek had lugged a heavy toolbox and a case of crystals along, in case repairs were necessary. Thankfully they hadn't had to go outside, as they'd been in the middle of a raging storm -- not as bad as the one Atlantis had weathered the year before, but it had been pretty intense.
Radek had crawled around under a console, and halfway into a wall before he found the problem; after checking in with McKay, he'd replaced several cracked crystals and started a diagnostic of the circuits. He was leaning against the console, muttering to himself as he watched the scroll of Ancient text on the screen. There was a smear of grease on his cheek, and his hair had been more flyaway and crazy than usual, and Evan couldn't help himself -- he reached out to wipe away the grease with his thumb, and when Radek didn't pull away, Evan settled his fingers against the stubble on his cheek, and continued to stroke his thumb over the soft skin below the edge of Radek's glasses.
Radek looked surprised for a second, then a bit confused. As he opened his mouth to speak, Evan slipped his thumb down to press against Radek's lips. "Shhh...just relax, and let me."
Radek quirked an eyebrow at him then, and asked, "Let you what?"
Evan didn't answer; he just shook his head and stroked his thumb over Radek's parted lips. He'd been mesmerized -- the prickle of stubble contrasted with the soft skin of Radek's lower lip was interesting -- he wondered what it would feel like against his cheek, his lips, his tongue. He was just leaning in to find out, when Sheppard's voice sounded in his ear.
"Sheppard to Lorne."
Evan groaned inwardly, and pulled back a bit before he clicked his earpiece. "Lorne here."
"What's your status?" Evan missed the next bit when Radek turned his head in the cradle of Evan's hand and pressed a soft kiss into his palm. He sucked in a sharp breath, and tried to pull his hand away, but Radek grasped his wrist, and held his hand in place. He could still hear Sheppard talking in his ear, but it was just noise -- everything else was lost as he focused on the feel of Radek's mouth against his skin, the rasp of stubble against his palm, the fizz of arousal low in his belly.
"Lorne? LORNE?!" Evan startled when Sheppard shouted into the radio, and pulled back with enough force that Radek released his wrist. He was breathing hard, and his heart was beating so hard and so fast that he could barely hear the storm raging outside. He swallowed hard, fighting to get himself under control.
"Yeah -- I'm here. Just got a bit distracted."
"Is everything all right out there?" Evan had to think hard for a moment -- was everything okay? He was pretty sure Radek would be more concerned if things weren't, so he answered in the affirmative, and signed off with Sheppard.
He was tempted to push Radek up against the nearest hard surface and kiss him within an inch of his life, but he knew if they didn't get a move on, Sheppard would be back on the radio wanting to know what the hold up was, so he settled for helping Radek pack up his tools.
They were silent on the walk back to the transporter, and it wasn't until they were outside the labs that Evan felt he could trust himself to speak.
"Radek, I--"
Radek interrupted him by pressing his fingers over Evan's mouth. "Later, Evan. I promise we will speak of this later."
Evan wanted to push, wanted to talk right then, but he conceded the point as he kissed the fingers Radek still had pressed against his mouth. They could, and would, talk later....
iii. i want the whole nine yards.
He wanted to laugh, but Evan knew it was a bad idea when Radek was that pissed off, and really, he couldn't blame the man for being pissed.
The little monsters on M7G-677 had tied him up, and painted him orange and green before braiding sticks and leaves into his hair. Evan was pretty sure they hadn't been planning to hurt him, but the fact that he'd been taken down, tied up and finger-painted on by a group of tiny people had to sting. He was rumbling in Czech, glaring at anyone and everyone -- him, Parrish, Stackhouse, the giggling demons masquerading as children -- and if it wasn't obvious how pissed Radek really was, Evan would have make a joke of it.
"Užít si přes ten děti?! Mám toho plné zuby. Já mu dám míchat se do mých záležit -- kříženec."
Okay, that was bad -- Evan didn't know much Czech, but he'd recognized that last one, and if Radek was calling someone a bastard, it was time to step up and calm him down.
"Hey, Doc...you okay?"
Radek didn't answer; instead he just glared at Evan like he wanted to rip him limb from limb. Evan backed off, deciding to make peace when they were back on Atlantis....
* * *
Evan had hoped a few hours distance and a clean bill of health from Beckett would have been enough to calm Radek's temper, but it wasn't look too promising. He was still glaring and muttering and his hair was a tangled mess from where he's tried to pull the bits of tree and string free without unbraiding them. Evan sighed, and wondered if he might have a death wish as he crowded Radek back from the door, and across his quarters toward the bathroom.
Once there, he pushed Radek down onto the toilet, and started to unwind the longest bits of string from his hair. Radek huffed a bit, and tried to pull away, but it was half-hearted at best, and after a few moments, he slumped forward and buried his face against Evan's stomach. Evan did his best to ignore the tickle of arousal he felt, and he thought unpleasant thoughts in an effort to keep an erection at bay.
They were silent as he worked to untangle Radek's hair; it was soothing, running his fingers through each section as he pulled the leaves and other debris free, listening to their breathing even out and fall into sync. He lost a bit of time, standing there with Radek's head cradled between his hands and his stomach, and it wasn't until Radek tipped his head back and sighed that Evan realized he'd finished untangling Radek's hair. He'd been rubbing Radek's head, occasionally drawing his fingers out to the ends of the fine strands and tugging lightly before returning to massage his fingers in tight circles against the scalp. He combed his fingers through to the ends of Radek's hair once more, smoothing it down as he cupped the curve of Radek's skull in his palms. He bent and placed a kiss against Radek's forehead before he stepped back with a sigh.
"I brought something to help remove the paint; I'll just leave it here." He was suddenly nervous, feeling like he'd revealed too much, and he fumbled with the container of Ugly Dog as he set it on the edge of the sink. He gestured over his shoulder toward the door. "I'm gonna just--"
"Evan?" Radek looked wrecked -- his eyes were wide, the pupils blown, and under the streaks of paint, Evan could see he was flushed. He looked so damned good, and Evan wanted to do this right, damn it, didn't want their first time to be on the bathroom floor, and so he ran away, stumbling toward the door and hoping like hell no one was in the hall....
"Why are we out here again?" He knew he was whining, but he was cold and tired and really not in the mood for stargazing.
"Shhh. Just watch."
Evan wiggled against Radek, shivering even though he was dressed in his heaviest coat and they were sharing a sleeping bag. He burrowed in, tucking his chin against his chest so his nose was covered by the edge of the sleeping bag.
"Evan, miláček...." Evan felt Radek slipping cool fingers into his collar and under his chin. He tugged gently, forcing Evan to look up. "You will miss it if you do that -- look up. Watch."
Evan shivered again, but forced himself to keep looking skywards as Radek pressed an open-mouthed kiss against the side of his neck. He arched into it, eyes nearly closing in pleasure, until he saw them -- shooting stars. There were shooting stars, streaking across the sky.
"Did you see that?" Evan turned to Radek, wanting to know if he saw it too. He smiled at the look of wonder on Radek's face; he looked more relaxed than he had in a really long time -- and that's when Evan realized Radek needed this as much as he did.
When Radek noticed Evan watching him, he looked away from the sky, and asked, "Isn't it beautiful?"
Evan swallowed hard as he watched Radek -- he was smiling, but it was bittersweet, and it didn't reach his eyes. He was beautiful, despite the dark circles beneath his eyes and the new thinness in his face. "Yeah. It is." Wrapping his arms around Radek, he squeezed tightly, and watched.
After a few minutes, Radek began to speak. "We're not sure what the Ancients called them, but they're like the Leonids back on Earth. They happen every year -- sometimes they're not as bright, but if you know what to look for you can always see some. We watched them the first year, some of us more than others. Rodney -- he only came the once, but Peter and Miko and I...we came every night, even if it was only for a few minutes...." Radek trailed off, falling silent as they watched.
"I wasn't sure I was going to see them this year...I thought the flu was going to take me." Radek huffed a laugh at that. "I thought it was going to take all of us that do not have the gene."
Evan squeezed Radek tighter, listening as he talked about how terrified he had been as he'd watched their friends and coworkers grow progressively worse as Beckett had fought to find a cure. The flu that had infected the non-gene carriers had been especially hard on Radek -- he'd been in the infirmary for nearly three months.
They hadn't talked about it -- Radek hadn't brought it up, and when Evan asked, Radek had sighed and murmured "not yet" so Evan had let it go. He hadn't really known what to say anyway. What did you say to your not-quite-lover when he'd nearly died? How could you explain that you'd run away, not because you didn't want him, but because you wanted everything to be perfect? Evan still didn't know what to say, so he curled around Radek as well as he could, and held him, stroking Radek's hair and kissing his temple while he talked.
When Radek finally stopped, Evan untangled himself from the sleeping bag and pulled Radek into the tower. When they were inside, he leaned against the door and looked at Radek for a long time. He still looked sad, but at the same time, it was like a weight had been lifted from him -- he stood straighter, and his eyes were softer, more alive than they had been for weeks. He looked...good.
Evan smiled at Radek then, and started to walk forward, forcing Radek to walk backward. When he had Radek against the back of the couch he stopped, kissing Radek's cheek as he unzipped his coat. As he pushed the halves of Radek's jacket aside, he slid his mouth over Radek's cheekbone to his mouth. His stomach fluttered when their mouths met, slightly open, with Radek's hitching breath soft against his lips. When he slicked his tongue along Radek's lower lip, Radek groaned softly and opened his mouth wider.
Evan breathed deeply, and worked his mouth slower, kissed Radek deeper. He wanted this to be good for Radek, slow and steady and perfect. They kissed for a long time, pressed against the couch, touching each other in all the right places. Evan worked his hands under Radek's shirt, pressing the pads of his fingers against the dip of Radek's spine, dragging his fingernails up then down before he slipped his hands below the waistband of Radek's pants. He rubbed against the fine hairs in the dip of Radek's spine, making him wiggle against his hands. Evan slipped his hands lower, cupping the swell of Radek's ass; he slipped his mouth over Radek's jaw at the same time, fastening his mouth to the sweet patch of skin below Radek's ear.
Radek's throat worked for a moment before he was able to speak. "Evan...I want, prosím." He worked his hands between them, struggling to unzip Evan's coat. "Off. I need this off. Come on. Let me...."
Evan just laughed, pushing his coat off and dropping it on the floor. "Better?"
Radek didn't answer; instead he reached around Evan, pushing his hands into Evan's back pockets and pulling Evan towards him. When their groins met, he flexed his hips, pushing his cock against Evan's. Evan pushed back, and the couch skidded into the coffee table. They stumbled a bit before Radek caught the back of the couch and kept them from falling.
"Can we? Evan, the bed...." He trailed off as Evan flexed against him again and licked across his Adam's apple. Before Evan could find any kind of rhythm, Radek grasped his hips, and turned him toward the bed. With firm hands, he pushed Evan forward until his knees were pressed against the mattress. When they stopped moving, Evan reached back to grasp Radek's hips, pushing his ass back as he pulled their hips together. It felt great, and he couldn't believe they'd waited so long to do this.
Evan dropped his head back against Radek's shoulder, oblivious to anything except the feel of Radek's breath against his skin and the way Radek was grasping his hips and pulling him back into what felt like an impressive erection. Evan had to bite his lip to keep from shouting when Radek licked at the sensitive skin below his ear; he couldn't stop a whimper from escaping when he felt teeth grazing the line of his jugular.
When Radek pushed the collars of Evan's shirts aside and started marking the spot where neck met shoulder, Evan did shout. He pushed his hips back into Radek again, wanting something, anything as a counterbalance to the exquisite sensation of Radek's mouth on his skin. Radek obliged him by slipping a hand around Evan's hip and grasping his jeans-covered cock.
Evan moaned loudly; the pressure felt so good and the grinding rhythm of their hips was exactly what Evan wanted. Radek hummed against his skin briefly before he pulled away and licked a line to the edge of Evan's jaw. He reached up, turning Evan's face to his and kissing him deeply. Evan arched his neck, wanting more, whimpering shamelessly when Radek pulled away.
"I think we will be more comfortable on the bed." Radek backed off a bit as he asked, "Wouldn't you agree?"
Evan nodded, stepped forward to kiss Radek. He turned them and stepped forward, until the backs of Radek's knees hit the edge of the mattress. Evan kept moving, forcing Radek to fall back onto the bed. Evan crawled over him, straddling his waist and leaning down to kiss him as he started to work on the buttons of Radek's shirt. When Evan had the last button undone, he slipped his hands under the soft cotton to explore the contours of Radek's abdomen. He skated his fingers over the swell of stomach to already tight nipples and then up to the collarbones and across the width of shoulder, where he pushed the fabric off, and down as far as he could before he broke the kiss, and sat up to pull his own shirts over his head without unbuttoning them. Radek pulled his shirt off as well, tossing it to the floor where it landed on top of Evan's.
Evan started to slide back, moving to stand with hands already tugging at the button and zipper of his jeans, but Radek sat up, and grasped Evan's hips, stopping him. He gently moved Evan's hands to rest on his thighs, and finished what Evan had started, before he slipped his hands under the waistband of Evan's boxers and pushed them down. Before Evan had a chance to kick off his shoes or pants, Radek leaned forward and took the head of Evan's cock between his lips, giving a gentle suck before opening up and sliding his mouth down over the shaft.
It was intense, and Evan couldn't keep himself from whimpering as he buried his hands in Radek's hair. The motion seemed to encourage Radek, who slid his hands around to cup Evan's ass and pull him closer as his mouth slid farther down, so close and so far down that Evan felt the head of his cock nudging the back of Radek's throat.
Evan opened his eyes and looked down, just as Radek pulled back, to see Radek watching him. They maintained eye contact as Radek sucked him back in, and Evan could tell it wasn't going to last. Three, four, five more times, and he was clutching Radek's hair tightly in his fists as he came.
He was vaguely aware of Radek guiding him down onto the bed, and pulling his pants down and off, and he shifted to make it easier for him to work. It was chilly for a few moments, and then he was warm and getting warmer as Radek settled between his parted thighs and leaned in to kiss him.
Evan couldn't help but think that even though it had taken him too long to figure it out, what they had was worth the wait, and he was never letting go. Around that time, Radek started to rock against him in earnest, and any other thoughts were lost in the rhythm of their hips....