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“Tell me, what is your name?”
Sahed could hear leather books clank against the wooden floorboards as a person approached Julia.
What is Julia doing!? What is going on? Sahed pushed against the door of the cupboard, trying to get out. Rainah firmly shoved him back, a small creak coming out as Sahed hit the wall.
“Ju…Julia Lazarrett.” Fear in her voice was noticeable as her voice wavered.
Sahed craned his neck, trying to see through the thin lines on the door. He could make out Julia’s small figure, standing directly in front of Dotty, Bob, and Anthonn. A smaller woman approached Julia- she had auburn hair and a military uniform. Sahed assumed she was the one who killed Jathar. The woman grabbed Julia’s chin. Hot rage filled Sahed, and if it wasn’t for Rainah right in front of him, he would have barged right out and-
“Good, Julia.” The smaller woman spoke. “I’m Colonel Amalia.”
Sahed repeated the name over and over in his mind, turning it around, memorizing it. A name he would curse in his sleep, a name he would never let himself forget, a name he wants to see engraved on a slab of stone in memory of a name that would never be written on one.
Jathar wouldn’t get a headstone if he was dead. He was too ‘worthless’ to deserve one.
Murder. Colonel Amalia. Murder. Murder. Murder. The words swirled around Sahed’s mind, filling him with an animalistic rage he’d never felt before. A rage that was left for when something truly unforgivable happened, something that was life-changing.
She was the one who killed Jathar.
A guard took a step forward. “Colonel- do you think she’s the-“
“I think so,” Amalia grinned, examining Julia. “Brunette, hair in a braid, around the same height.”
“W-what?” Julia stepped back with a look of confusion on her face. Amalia’s hand fell gently from Julia’s chin. “Why does that matter.”
“Why, your father is looking for you!” She grinned. “He’ll be glad to know we’ve found you. In fact, he’s not too far from here.”
“Dad- my father is here?” Julia’s voice cracked.
If Sahed had any room in the cupboard, he would’ve slapped his hand against his face. Stupid! She could’ve played herself off as any other girl. Those descriptions are so vague- why would Julia say her full name?
“Yes, we’ll take you to see him now.” Amalia grabbed Julia’s arm.
“Wait- can’t he meet her tomorrow morning? We’ll still be in town.” Dotty stepped forward, placing a hand on Julia’s shoulder, angling herself to be between the two. “She can get all rested and we’ll make sure she’s dressed nice and everything.”
“Mmm. No. Paul’s orders were to bring Miss Lazarrett immediately to him when found or else both parties would be in deep trouble. Now let’s get going, your father misses you dearly,” Amalia squeezed the brunette’s arm.
Tonny took a step forward stretched out his arm, opening his mouth. A guard double his size stood in front of him, blocking the blond from getting to Julia.
Julia glanced towards the closet one more time, slightly pulling against the colonel’s grip. Sahed swore he locked eyes with her. He watched as Amalia took larger steps, forcing Julia to be dragged along.
Eventually, their figures grew smaller as they made more distance. Tonny, Dotty, and Bob stood still, unsure of what to do. When the last of the military men had left, Sahed pushed past Rainah and exited the cupboard.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Sahed roared, stepping towards the three. Rainah stood by the door, still processing what had happened.
“It seems we lost Miss Lazarrett,” Dotty sighed, looking towards the direction they had left.
“Do you not even care!?” Sahed faced Dotty, towering over her. Bob took a step forward towards the two.
“I do. She was part of the circus.”
“And yet you just stood there!?”
“I’m sure we can find her tomorrow.”
Tonny interrupted the two. “What could’ve we done, Sahed? They had the power.”
“Had the power?” Sahed barked. “We’re fucking immortal, Anthonn! We could’ve fought our way out. You own the damn circus, aren’t you supposed to be charismatic or some shit? Go protect your group of clowns!” He shoved the ringleader hard, nearly making him fall over.
Bob wrapped an arm around Tonny, catching and steadying him. “Hey- let’s not do this now. We can discuss a plan in the morning. For now, everyone should sleep and cool down.” He glared at Sahed, voice firm and unwavering.
The idea of fighting Bob just for the sake of getting his anger out and feeling something crossed Sahed’s mind. He stood up straighter, evening out his shoulders. After a second, the Ah’kon turned around, storming towards the wall of the tent, trying to get as far away as he could.
Dotty grabbed Tonny’s arm, walking him out of the tent with Bob following closely behind, occasionally shooting a glance toward Sahed. Once the three had left, Sahed collapsed onto the floor.
“Sahed!” Rainah walked over and crouched beside him.
“The string… how will we leave? How far is the research center from the main of the circus? What if her string won’t allow her to go wherever they’re taking her? The circus can’t leave if Julia’s string is too far, you know that Rainah. She’d be like an anchor holding us back.” Sahed’s voice was dull, words being slurred out of his mouth, mind swarming with sorrow.
“Let’s go back to our room and discuss this.” She murmured, placing a soft hand on his shoulder.
“We don’t have time for that- we have to save her, now!” He lashed out, shoving away her arm.
“Sahed, the string might not reach that far. Or we could be wandering there for hours and get caught… let’s discuss this tomorrow when Tonny will hopefully be in a better mood.”
“I don’t give a damn about his mood.”
Rainah sighed, She either was going to fight Sahed tooth and nail to go to their room or let him sit here and wallow around in sadness all night. Whichever it would end up as, she knew she wouldn’t leave him alone.
After what felt like hours of convincing, Sahed was back in their room. He sat down on the ground, knife in hand, whispering ideas of how to save Julia. The one idea he knew for sure was that he’d confront the clown tomorrow.
The sun hadn’t even risen yet Sahed was at Tonny’s office, banging on the door as hard as he could. Tonny jolted at the sudden noise, waking up. He’d fallen asleep on his desk, papers and maps featuring Aspett covering the desk. With a sigh, Tonny got up to the door and opened it.
“You better have a genius plan to save her!” Sahed growled, storming into the room. He took the door from Tonny’s hand and slammed it shut, causing a picture to fall off the wall and shatter on the ground. It looked to be of one of the circus members when they were younger at a research center.
Tonny took a deep breath. He knew what he had to say, that there was only one solution. “Look, the circus can’t leave because of her string and we can’t move very far. If we’re looking for her, that can get us in deeper trouble. “We have time to… execute… the next move.” The last part was spoken with caution.
“We can still save her. Let’s go now and get a head start. The military won’t be out yet.”
“Sahed…” Tonny warned.
“I wonder if she’s in a research center…”
“Sahed… we have to…”
“No!” Sahed roared, causing the blond to jump. “She will not die because you’re too lazy to do something!”
“I’m not lazy, Sahed! When will you realize none of this was my fault? Who had the IDs that let the circus get past the military inspecting us? Me! Who caused all this shit to happen, starting a riot under my nose? You!”
“Yeah? Well, none of this would’ve happened if you actually cared about the others and our concerns!”
“Actually cared? I do care! You have no idea what I’ve given up for this circus. It’s costed more than you could ever wrap your head around. The circus is leaving today, and that is that. I’m sorry, I don’t want to do this either. But we have to leave as soon as possible, there’s no other way.” Tonny blinked rapidly, trying his best to let no tears slip out. He pushed past Sahed, exiting the room.
“Oh, don’t you dare fake cry!” Sahed followed Tonny out of the room.
“I’m not. I stayed up all night planning and trying to find a way around this, but this is the only thing we can do. And the circus has to go today- for our own safety.” Tonny started up a long flight of stairs that had yellow eyes around the edges. Sahed followed behind, not even caring to look at part of what he considered his God.
“There’s always a way, you know that! Magic exists, we can do whatever the hell we want! I can do something to save her! Give me the day, I’ll find a way to save her!”
“Stop following me,” Tonny turned around, warning the Ah’kon.
“I already know the secrets you hide in the attic, Anthonn.”
The ringleader sighed, knowing Sahed knew most of the truth. He still didn’t know what happened after the string was cut or other details like that. He turned back around and continued up the stairs.
“Anthonn, listen to me! I can save her!”
Tonny approached the top of the stairs, Sahed still hot on his heels. The door to the attic was open, allowing Tonny to pass through, which also allowed Sahed to slip by. The creature was larger than the last time the Ah’kon saw it. Cold dread washed over Sahed- he’d never seen the monster this up close. He swallowed his nerves, trying to stay confident. He would face whatever monsters he had to in order to save Julia.
Tonny was already holding a special box, opening it to reveal a shiny dagger. It looked unused, in pristine condition.
“STOP!” Sahed howled, trying to grab the dagger from Tonny. His voice was so raw and pained that he sounded like an animal being tortured. Tonny winced, the pain in Sahed’s voice stabbing him right through the heart.
“You know we have no other choice.”
“I can save her!”
“Why are you so insistent on saving her? You’d never do this for anyone else!”
“Because she fucking matters to me, Anthonn!” He yelled, slamming one hand over his sternum and waving the other in the air. “For once, someone in this circus actually gives a damn about me other than Rainah, and I refuse to give up on them without trying!”
Tonny stiffened, then shook his head. He walked closer to the mass of the attic monster, looking at the various strings coming off of it.
“Ah, but how will you tell which is hers, Anthonn? They all look the same.” Sahed’s eyes widened with delusion and false hope.
He glanced towards the edge of the mass, certainty in his eyes. “I told you, I know and care for my circus.”
“No!” Sahed charged at Tonny, shoving him as hard as he could. Tonny staggered backward, not being able to handle Sahed’s strength. The extreme emotions were only giving him more strength, something Tonny was unsure if he’d be able to handle. It felt like fighting a bear.
The ringleader fell to the ground with a loud thud as Sahed shoved him a second time. The dagger skidded across the aged wood as it was freed from Tonny’s hand. Quickly, the two moved towards it as quickly as they could. Tonny managed to reclaim the dagger right before Sahed could take it from him.
“You know I have to!” Tonny gave Sahed a hard shove, using the force to push Sahed away from him and also help move himself towards the attic creature. “We can’t leave Aspett otherwise and she’ll just be tortured forever! Tortured and rehealed by circus magic, becoming a test subject for the military! There’s nothing we can do!” Tonny approached the side of the mass, swiping at the string before Sahed could try to attack him again.
The area of the attic creature that Tonny had swiped at with the dagger rotted and fell to the ground. Tonny dropped the dagger, the sound hurting Sahed’s ears. There was then a deafening silence. It was as if the entire world had just frozen.
“You… you just…” Sahed stared at Tonny in disbelief. The ringleader had tears in his eyes, misery covering his face. He avoided Sahed’s gaze.
Sahed fell to his knees, staring at the rotting pile. All that was left of Julia, if you’d consider it that.
This isn’t real. This isn’t real. He would never kill someone. Not like that. It was someone else. It couldn’t have been her string. He would never-
He tried to lie to himself, to say that somehow it went wrong. But Sahed knew the truth. The truth was that Tonny knew his circus well from the parts you could see from the parts others didn’t even know existed.
“You know I had to,” Tonny’s voice cracked as he spoke.
Sahed stayed frozen to the ground for another second, face pressed against the wood. He breathed heavily, every gasp of air just making him feel more lightheaded and dizzy. Shaking, he stood up.
“Fucking monster. You and this attic creature. You’re worse than that yellow mess could ever be. I’ll make sure everyone knows how inhuman you are.” Sahed stormed out, slightly swaying as he walked. “Worst jailor of all time. Can’t even keep your prisoners in a cell.”
As Sahed went down each step, his legs began to weaken and become numb, threatening a much more painful yet quicker trip down the stairs. His throat ached with tears being held back, his head throbbing with stress. He collapsed when he reached the bottom step, sitting there in a silent vigil. Hours passed and Rainah stopped by to bring him some food and water. She sat with him for a bit then left, knowing it was best to let him be for now. Sahed wasn’t sure exactly how long, he wasn’t paying attention. Time didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered.
I never got to tell her. Anything. How much it meant to me when she stood up for Jathar being shot. For helping with the riot. How cute she looked in my outfit. How much I… how much she meant to…
That's not how I wanted things to go. We were all supposed to make it out of the riot- more coming out than who came in.
Sahed cried silently, shaking with frustration and exhaustion. Head in his hands, fingers in his hair, no physical pain would be able to distract him from this- besides, he’d just heal in seconds. Julia wouldn’t heal. She couldn’t. Sahed inhaled, breath shaking and ragged. He’d never forgive himself or anyone for what just happened.