Chapter Text
Pierre was a rather easy going man. Yes, maybe he was the gossip of the office, maybe he played the overconfidence card, but at heart, he was just a man. He wanted to have friends, he wanted to be loved, he wanted to be appreciated for the effort he put into his work and into his people.
He knew it was somewhat of a problem, the way he put up a front with almost everyone but Charles since the day he knew what having a social life was. People often found him to be vain, a superficial man with his fake relationships and void friendships. He, in the silence of his bedroom and the quiet of his thoughts, always wondered how he could peel off all those layers that hid who he was meticulously, to open doors and let the people around him a little closer. But come morning, the fears of being rejected took over and he held onto his layers a little tighter. It was irrational, he knew, but he would rather be disliked for who he pretended to be than to be pushed aside for who he really was.
It was easy to show his weaknesses when he had Charles around, to drop his shoulders from his ears and let his heart beat freely in his chest, because Charles knew him too well for the games of pretend. He was there when he had a horrible haircut, when his pimples were constant on his cheeks, when he was nothing but a scrawny boy with dreams bigger than him and a future unknown. He couldn’t lie to Charles, and he was glad it was the case. Pretending to be something you were not was tiring, even more so when the pretending turned into an addiction and it spread into everything in your life, not only your job and your friendships, but also your romantic relationships. He wished he understood where this whole complex stemmed from, but he didn’t. His childhood was simple, his life nothing extraordinary.
Eventually, Charles had left to the other side of the Atlantic to run away from the sadness that painted itself over his home in Monaco and to chase after a dream Pierre knew his best friend would end up achieving. So Pierre fell further down the hole he dug himself. More superficial relationships and friendships and a spider web woven meticulously around who he really was, until Charles came back to him again.
So he understood why Alex and George never came too close, or why Lando would much rather stick by Max’s side or the reason Lance and Oscar were scared of him. He also understood when Carlos joined their company and fell right into Charles’ lap instead.
Pierre understood and used it all to do his job better. He was Lewis’ right hand man after all. Having that sort of distance made it so they were all friendly but not friendly enough to cross lines between professional and personal. Charles didn’t count though, because Charles had drawn even thicker lines between them the moment they stepped into the office that he never had to worry about it at all. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, when he would sit between them all at a bar and he wouldn’t belong, that he had to watch the way Charles was stolen from him so easily, so fast. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt that even when he was with his girlfriend, he still felt like a stranger looking into a relationship that was supposed to be his.
So, it didn’t exactly take him off guard when he walked into their flat after the trip to Paris with Carlos and Charles, and Kika was waiting for him on the couch, a forlorn expression painting her visage. He just didn’t expect her to be awake so late into the night and willing to talk about desolate subjects. They had fought on the phone when he was still there, he had no doubt that the only reason for the knot between her eyebrows was Pierre himself. He abandoned his suitcase in the entryway, along with his coat and shoes then settled silently beside her.
Her hand moved to reach out for him, locking their palms together and filling the gaps between his fingers in the easy way she always did. It gave him some sort of familiarity and warmth even if he knew deep in his heart that it was nothing but a last act of kindness before she broke his heart. He squeezed her hand and stared at the wall before them, lined with pictures of their time spent together, a trip to Milan, another to Rouen so she could meet his parents and siblings, Paris, Barcelona… Many memories that he was sure would turn bitter in no time.
“You know I love you, right?”
Pierre had to nod, even though he wasn't too sure he knew. He was never sure. But she knew that as well.
“I do, but I realized that there is more to love than just the feelings. You are such a great person, you do your best, you care, you are almost too perfect and that’s the problem. I kept telling myself that you will open up, that you will break out of your little shell and let me into it with you if you are too shy to leave it at once. I just. I feel like a stranger with you every time Charles is here, you know? Because that is the only time you ever let go. And I know there is nothing between the two of you. You are not one to cheat or to hide your feelings. So, I am not doubting you, but I am a little jealous of the way he can get things out of you that I could never, even when I share beds with you every day, even if we traveled half of Europe hand in hand, even if we already talked about marriage and babies and a lifetime together. But you never let go. You are always so controlled even when you don’t have to be and it isn’t something I can live with, Pierre. Even less when I have someone who is willing to give me everything I am looking for.”
Pierre could lie and say he was shocked, but Kika wasn’t the first person to have run away from him for these same reasons. Sometimes less because of Pierre being so closed up and more because they think he is in love with Charles, but eventually, it all came back down to how Pierre was only ever himself with his best friend. Pierre wasn’t surprised, mainly disappointed that even when he worked so hard for this particular relationship, he couldn’t beat down the walls, that he managed to hurt Kika in a way he hoped he wouldn’t, just this once. He was almost sure that was the right one, that Kika understood in a way the others didn’t. But he had pushed the limits a little too far it seemed.
“Is it Alexandra?” was all he could think to ask. Because he couldn’t deny what she was saying, and he didn’t have the energy to pretend that any further work he put into them would make things get better.
“Yes. It’s Alexandra. Nothing happened between us. I would never cheat. But it’s hard not to make parallels when things are right under my nose.”
Pierre didn’t seek more conversation after that. They parted civilly, him understanding all her reasons and her grateful that he didn’t make it into a bigger matter than it should be. She didn’t want him to fight and he didn’t. As it turned out, she had already packed her belongings and moved them when Pierre was away.
She dropped a kiss on the top of his head and left the key double he had gifted her once, a silent invitation to further join their lives, on the coffee table then left. The door closing was the last noise disturbing the apartment before Pierre was left alone, with the silence of his mind and the loud beating of his heart as the pieces fell off one by one.
He didn’t cry. He wished he could.
He just went about his night eventually, moving his suitcase over to the dressing room and emptying it, washing up, slipping into bed. Surprisingly, he was tired enough that sleep didn’t take too long to take over.
His thing with Carlos was unexpected. There was no concrete reason for them to be friends other than the one thing they had in common : Charles. They were both dragged into that trip to Paris without having much of a choice, and Pierre can’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy having Carlos around, he was fun, he was witty and he was easy going. There was a certain warmth to him that you didn’t need to look too long to spot, in a way, he was an exact opposite of everything Pierre projected. Where most people looked at Pierre and thought “vain” without trying to look further, you couldn’t evade the sincerity that danced in Carlos’ brown orbs from the moment he opened his mouth and the first “Hola!” came about. It showed in the way he melted into their office life seamlessly. So yes, Paris was great, and if Pierre wasn’t too complicated and if he wasn’t already on edge wondering when Kika would leave him until it actually happened, he would have opened a door and let Carlos slip in.
Pierre didn’t have to though because Carlos managed to push that door open all by himself. All it took was one random meeting at the gym that led to a drink, then a couple more evenings spent together, for things to fall into place. He knew the feelings he had swimming in his chest weren’t romantic the same way he was sure he would never fall in love with Charles. But he also knew that he wanted to keep Carlos, that he didn’t feel like holding onto his layers or pretending to be anything but himself. So he showed Carlos the broken pieces of himself, the ones Kika left and he didn’t want Charles to handle in the midst of his own mess, showed him the tears of frustration of being left constantly, the sweat and messy hair at the gym, the drool on the pillow after a good night sleep, even the orgasm face he somehow was overly conscious about. Pierre felt relieved. He wasn’t broken without repair, he wasn’t doomed to only be himself when Charles was around, he could have new people push the door and come camp in his life without pointing out that he was frigid and uncaring. He just had to find the right people for it.
So Pierre soaked Carlos’ presence in his life, even if it meant having Lando’s glare on his back all the time. He knew why the younger was so displeased with him even if Carlos was stubborn and blind to the whole situation. And he might have played into that game too, because, maybe, if Lando got his head out of his ass, he and Carlos would have each other again. Pierre wanted Carlos to be happy, to conquer that love he thought he lost forever again. He would never stand between them, but so long that Lando didn’t do something about it, he wasn’t about to let Carlos go, even if it was just sex and a lot of Pierre scattered all over Carlos’ life. So whenever Lando glared, he would smile and wave. The gremlin would have to come after his man eventually, it was just a matter of time.
But Pierre didn’t think he would lose all his bits of comfort on the same day.
He had watched as Lando came and asked for Carlos at a time of the day he considered his “Carlos break time”, he watched as Carlos came back after their talk with light steps and a tiny smile he thought he was concealing but really, Pierre knew him too much to not see that he was a cat that got the cream. Pierre was happy for him, felt warmth spread in his chest for his friend with benefits, even if the benefits were about to be dropped and there would be less space for him in Carlos’ life. He doubted Lando would take kindly to Pierre showing up randomly and claiming Carlos’ couch. He had yet to get back to typing his email to some partner of the firm for Lewis that a shadow looming over him made him look up again. Charles was standing by his desk, hands in his pockets and a little guilty smile on his face. Pierre knew him too, a little too well, not to suspect something. He wasn’t sure what, but he wasn’t sure he was about to like what he was going to hear either.
“Can you come with me? I have something to talk to you about. The meeting room is free for the next hour.”
Pierre’s eyebrows were quick to quirk up suspiciously at his best friend. He knew Charles would never drag him to meeting rooms to talk about personal matters so that left him with only the possibility of it being something work related. Was Charles about to quit?
He didn’t let his thoughts wander further when the answer was standing right in front of him, instead, he pushed his chair back and got up to follow Charles over to the meeting room. Charles sat down the moment they were there, so he did as well, not too close but not too far from him.
“What is it? Did you do something you shouldn’t?” he asked, trying his best to conceal his nervousness.
“No. Nothing bad at least. But I have a proposition for you. Will you hear me out?” Charles had that Cheshire smile on his lips, the one he puts on to force his dimples on and that signals that he was after you and wouldn’t let you escape his clutches. Pierre knew he was already trapped into whatever that was.
“Not that I have a choice to escape this conversation, now do I?” Pierre sighed and leaned back in his chair, folding his knee and propping his leg over his other thigh, waiting.
“I have been promoted. I am going to be head of the new branch of the firm. It’s not in London though, it’s in Milan. Lewis gave me the reins on everything for the most part, who I hire to help me there included. And I was thinking, if it would interest you to move to Milan, to be my assistant. Lewis said I could ask you, so you wouldn’t be betraying him if you said yes.” Charles concluded with a proud smile, his greens sparkling under the ugly lighting of the room, and Pierre was simply shocked.
“Wait… Wait… So this means you are leaving for Italy soon? That you are asking me to move there with you? What about Max?” Pierre sat up straighter, his blue eyes wide in surprise. He surely didn’t expect any of that.
“Max is coming with me. Lando will take over his spot. Carlos will fill in for me. Lewis had apparently hired him with the new branch opening in mind. And since hiring a new assistant would be required anyway, Lewis said he didn’t mind if the hiring was done for your spot, it would be easier for everyone if there were more experienced people at Milan since it will all be a little new for me. So, if you want to come with us, that can be easily arranged. You don’t have to decide right now, but if you could give me an answer by the end of the week I would be grateful for it. Will you think about it?”
Pierre stared at the other man for a little while, digesting the information. Pierre loved Milan, Charles knew as much, but Pierre also loved the life he had in London, no matter how complicated it was. But would he love it as much with Kika and Charles gone and Carlos belonging to someone else and less space in his life left for Pierre? He didn’t know.
“Yeah… I will think about it. No promises though.”
Charles, clearly having expected exactly that answer and clearly with a lot of hope for a yes at the end of the week, got up, smile still intact and left with a “Back to work then!”
Pierre tried his best not to think about everything that happened, about Carlos, about Charles, about all the avalanche of change coming his way no matter what he ended up deciding. The key word being tried, because even when he had finally managed to shut his thoughts down and focus on his tasks, there was someone at his desk bothering him about it.
“Did you hear that Charles and Max are moving to Milan? That's awesome isn’t it? I heard the slot for the accountant is still open.”
Pierre made a small non committal noise and kept his eyes glued to his screen, hoping his disturber would get the hint and leave him alone. But as always, when Yuki decided to make the trip up to their floor and camp by Pierre’s desk, no matter how much he tried to ignore the small man, he just wouldn’t budge.
“Do you think if I applied they would take me? Even if I am freeing the spot in London? I would love to move to Milan! Man, the food, the culture, the sun! Free me from London!”
Pierre sighed deeply and dropped what he was doing eventually to look up at him, not doing much to conceal his exasperation with him.
“Go bother Charles about it then. He is the new boss. But I doubt he will take you. You are too annoying!” Pierre flashed him an obviously fake smile before he got back to his job. He could hear the dramatic gasp Yuki emitted before he turned on his heels, clearly making his way over to Charles’ desk.
“ You break my heart in more ways than one. You are lucky you are so hot, Mister Gasly, or else I would’ve kneed your balls.”
As much as he tried to stay unaffected, Pierre ended up smiling. There was only Yuki to say such nice and crude things in the same sentence. But seeing how his day was going, he would take the compliment. Even if the source was a small japanese man that made it his mission to make his days harder and longer.
“It comes with the job description, Mister Tsunoda.” Pierre joked. He didn’t go back to his task either, instead keeping an eye on the other side of the corridor where he could catch a glimpse of Charles usually, now completely hidden by Yuki’s frame. Clearly, the man was serious about claiming that job opportunity. Maybe Pierre should do the same. Leave a place that was permeated with loss and start anew somewhere that’s less gray clouds and rain and more wine and pasta.
He would think it over, he had till the end of the week after all.