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One day in Dihua Marsh…
“Not bad, Master Diluc!”
Diluc looked up, gritting his teeth as he wiped the Hilichurl blood from his cheek. “I don’t need compliments from a Fatui.”
Childe laughed that same cheerful laugh that had been driving Diluc furious for days now. “Hey, now, stop with the grumpy face already. That was quite a fight you put up there.”
As he stepped over a few dead bodies and approached him, Diluc’s gaze flickered down the other man. He looked way worse than him. Where he had a bit of dust and dirt and blood on his gloves, Childe was covered in red from head to toe. It provided a heavy contrast to the deep blue of his eyes which seemed to sparkle as he watched Diluc. “I didn’t know you could be so brutal.”
“Need I remind you of my strength first hand?”, Diluc replied coolly while storing away his sword.
“Most definitely!” He was in front of him way faster than expected and Diluc almost flinched back. There still was a smile on Childe’s face, just a little wider and a little more maniacal than before. “Please show me, I’m dying to see.”
Diluc snorted and turned away. “That was a joke. Also, don’t get in my face like that. You reek of blood.”
“Oh, come on”, Childe called before following him on foot, and kept talking as they left the now abandoned Hilichurl camp. “How many more times do I have to beg you to fight with me? You can’t tell me you didn’t have fun the last time.”
Diluc ignored him, though his thoughts did wander off to the fight Childe was referring to while they climbed one of the many small hills of Dihua Marsh together.
Despite what Childe thought to know, it hadn’t been fun for Diluc. Not exactly. At first maybe, yes. It had been him who had started the fight after all, even though he hadn’t planned to. He had promised himself to not let the ginger Fatui get to him, to ignore all his provocations but that day he had crossed a line, talking about his family, his father. Diluc had lost his temper – something he wasn’t very proud of. And for a moment, it had felt good to hurt Childe, to watch him bleed and bruise under his hands.
He hated the Fatui. Every single one of them. The eleventh harbinger was no exception, of course. It was a fine opportunity, or would have been at least, if he hadn’t assured the traveller to get along with the childish ginger for the duration of their mission. He was only doing this for them, after all, because they had called Diluc to help them with something in Liyue. Since he had offered the traveller his unlimited support it was no question to agree. Even if it meant travelling through half of Teyvat with one of the Fatui.
He could tolerate him, for once. Because he was a friend of the traveller. Because he simply had to. Just for a short while. It wouldn’t be a problem.
Or so Diluc had thought. But in all honesty, Childe was driving him to the edge of his nerves.
He jumped when someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder and whirled around, his fists thrown up. Childe blinked at him, obviously confused by his harsh reaction, but only for a second before the usual smile crept back onto his face. Though it didn’t quite reach up to his eyes. “Watch your step, comrade.”
Diluc looked down to see himself standing close to a muddy slope that led steeply down the hill. It had been raining for two days and the ground was not to be trusted anymore, especially not in this marsh environment.
Without a word he turned away from Childe and the slope and continued the less slippery way down. Wind was rustling through the reeds at the shore, rippling the surface of the water. It was different here than in Mondstadt, a threat of storm and thunder rather than a sign of freedom that carried the scent of peaceful meadows and wildflowers.
Rain, thought Diluc as he tipped his head back to gaze into the sky. It had only been clear for a few hours and now the clouds were already starting to darken again. Even more so as the day approached its end, the sun barely visible behind the towers of grey threatening to drop behind the horizon.
“It’s gonna rain again”, Childe said as if he had read his mind.
Diluc looked at him, watching the sky as well, arms crossed in front of his chest. When the Fatui returned his gaze, he wrinkled his nose. “Could you at least wash your face? You look hideous.”
He laughed, running a hand across his bloody forehead. “If you insist, Master Diluc.” With careful steps he approached the water and crotched down to splash it over his face. Diluc wondered if he couldn’t just have used his Hydro skills but didn’t care to ask.
Instead, he watched the man’s back that he had turned on him so carelessly. It would have been so easy. Too easy. He could be behind him and put his sword to his neck before he would even have a chance to get to his feet.
Diluc swallowed the lump in his throat. Weirdly enough, the thought of killing Childe didn’t give him the hypothetical satisfaction it should. Not at all. More so, it was a heavy realization, one he tried to deny with every bone in his body, that even if it wasn’t for his promise to the traveller, he didn’t want to kill Childe. Hurt him, yes, but the idea of seeing even the faintest rest of light fade from his blue eyes made him anxious more than anything else.
It was stupid, really. Diluc Ragnvindr had fought enough battles, killed enough opponents, humans and monsters alike. There was not much guilt left in him, especially not for one who belonged to his arch nemesis. And yet…
A drop of water landed on his cheek and pulled him out of his thoughts. When Childe got back up, he quickly averted his gaze so he wouldn’t notice that Diluc had been staring at him.
“Told you it would rain”, the Fatui said, water dripping from his face onto his clothes and forming a pink puddle between his feet. “We should find a shelter before it starts pouring.”
Diluc nodded, turned and shielded his eyes from the rain with one hand as he overlooked the surroundings.
“Ah, wait. According to my map there should be an Inn somewhere around here.” When Diluc looked back at him with a frown, Childe sighed. “Come on. We’ve been sleeping out in the open for days on end, can’t hurt to spend one night in a dry, warm bed, can it?”
“I didn’t expect someone from Snezhnaya to have problem with a bit of cold rain”, Diluc replied to which Childe grinned.
“Oh, I’ve been worrying about your delicate nature more than mine.”
Diluc couldn’t help but grimace at him. He was many things but certainly not delicate.
“Also, I heard they have an excellent cuisine at the Wangshu Inn”, Childe continued, and the name rang a bell for Diluc. Sure, he had heard of the infamous Inn before, though he had not yet had the honour to visit it.
“Fine”, he agreed since he wasn’t too fond of spending another night on the soaked ground in wet clothes as well. Not if there was an alternative. “But we only stay for tonight and tomorrow morning we’ll be back on the road.”
“By all means.”
The rain quickly started to pick up and though the two hurried through the marsh as night began to fall around them, they still ended up soaked to the bone when the grand silhouette of Wangshu Inn rose against the twilight sky.
“There is a legend in Liyue”, said Childe over the drumming rain, “that this Inn is the outpost of the only remaining Yaksha from which they watch over the land. That’s why it’s considered one of Liyue’s most secure places even though it’s so far off in such a lonesome region.”
“Who told you that?”, Diluc asked despite the fact it wasn’t the first time he heard of this story.
“Good friend of mine. He’s quite well versed with Liyue’s history.”
Childe was obviously dying to have Diluc ask more about this peculiar friend, so naturally, Diluc continued onward in absolute silence. He heard Childe sigh, but the ginger also didn’t say another word until they finally reached the Inn.
Lanterns were burning on the roofed porch, bathing it in a warm glow and luminating the tables where other residents were cheerfully dining and chatting. Absently, Diluc reached for his ponytail and wrung the water out of it, him and Childe both leaving wet traces on the wooden deck as they walked towards the elevator.
“Huh”, Childe huffed, shaking his head like a dog, showering Diluc with the beads that flew from his hair. “What a weather. I could use a drink. Too bad they don’t have good old Firewater around here.” He smiled at Diluc who wiped his face dry in annoyance. “Care for a glass of wine with me?”
“I don’t drink.”
“A glass of fruit juice then? My treat.”
“No. I just want to get in bed and sleep a bit.” And not talk to you any more than necessary.
“I bet you are a hoot at parties”, Childe muttered and stepped into the elevator before Diluc could think of a reply.
The silence between them shifted and became heavy while the machine quietly rattled around them. Diluc cringed at the feeling of the wet fabric clinging to his skin and hoped that in the Inn’s rooms were placed to light a fire in. He usually wasn’t the type to freeze fast, and the night wasn’t even that cold but for some reason he shivered. Maybe it was just the fatigue.
“Are you alright, Diluc?”, Childe asked suddenly, surprising Diluc with both the question and the honestly worried look on his face. It made his skin crawl.
“What? Yes. Everything’s fine.”
He felt Childe watching him even when he turned to look out of the elevator over the darkened marsh. The rain hung like a grey curtain above the scenery, making it all seem gloomy and grim. Definitely not the ideal weather for a journey across nations.
The elevator stopped and Childe left it before Diluc and he caught himself observing the harbinger’s back once more. His movements reminded him of a cat sometimes, smooth and silent, the way he roamed the world with such deadly precision. That was, until he opened his mouth and all this loud nonsense came out.
“Good evening, Miss!”, he called to the woman at the desk who flashed a polite smile. “Do you happen to have free rooms for me and my dear comrade here for tonight?”
Diluc’s attention shifted to the woman whom he knew went by the name Verr Goldet. He had heard about her a time or another and wondered, since the rumours indicated she hail from Mondstadt, yet he had never known someone of that name in his hometown – or talked to anyone who had.
“Good evening to you too”, she replied with a nod towards Diluc who mirrored the gesture. “Unfortunately, there seems to be only a single room left that hasn’t been booked for tonight, but it should easily have enough space for the both of you.”
“Ah, no worries, that should work out”, Childe assured her.
Diluc sighed but knew better than to protest. They had spent enough nights in the same little camp already, this shouldn’t be much different.
They shared the bill for the room which honestly didn’t hurt either of them much, concerning how much Mora they both had on them, then took the stairs that went downstairs inside the high building.
Neither of them spoke anymore until Childe stopped in front of a door labelled with the same number as the key which Verr Goldet had handed him. “Should be it.” He entered and Diluc followed him inside.
Even in the dark it was easy to see how tiny the room was. A dim light shone through the small window, painting it in a cold blue colour, revealing a carpeted floor, a small desk beneath the window, and, in the middle of it all—
“Is this a joke?”, Diluc asked.
“What?” Childe was already lightening up the nightlight on the desk.
Diluc gestured toward the room, not stepping away from the door. “There is only one bed here.”
“Oh.” Childe looked at the bed as if somehow he hadn’t noticed that before. “Seems like it.” When he turned back to Diluc the expression on his face had stiffened, though only barely.
For a second they just gazed at each other, then Diluc shook his head and said: “I’m going to ask if there’s another—”
“She said this was the only free room, I don’t think you need to bother.”
“I don’t care”, he snarled, “there has to be some other way.”
Childe raised a brow, his smile once again only a hint to frigid to be sincere. “Are you that scared to share a bed with me?”
The question, or more so the wording of it, made Diluc’s ears burn, and he scowled, baring his teeth. Of course he wasn’t scared. Diluc Ragnvindr didn’t get scared of many things, least of all a cocky fatui boy with stupid freckles and stupid ginger hair. It wasn’t fear that made him tense at the mere thought of sleeping in the same bed together, which, by all means, wasn’t all that big. At least not a kind of fear he was familiar with.
“Fine, I’ll just sleep on the floor”, he said, closing the door behind him at last, which seemed to reduce the already small space of it even more.
“Archons, don’t make such a fuss about it”, Childe sighed. “I won’t bite, I promise.”
“Actually, why don’t you sleep on the floor?”, Diluc snapped back while shaking off his dripping wet coat and throwing it over the back of the desk’s chair. When he turned back around he froze, glaring at Childe who stood right behind him all of a sudden.
“Do you really hate me that much, Diluc?”, he asked quietly, all amusement gone from his voice and his eyes too dark, too dead in the dim light.
Diluc blinked at him, his jaw tensed. What kind of question was that? “Obviously.”
“Hm.” Childe regarded him as if he was trying to read the rest of the answer, the full truth, on Diluc’s face. Then his shoulders slowly slumped down and he turned away. “Alright. I’m gonna sleep on the floor.”
“What?” Diluc frowned. “Why?”
“Didn’t you just say you want me to sleep on the floor?”
“Sure, but…” For some reason that didn’t seem right. This was foolish. He was behaving like a stubborn child. How embarrassing.
With a sigh he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Forget it. No one sleeps on the floor. Let’s just… go to sleep.”
Childe didn’t protest, just cast him another glance over the shoulder before he started taking off his clothes. In the tensed silence, Diluc did so as well, placing his boots and his sword at the wall next to his coat. The rain had soaked through to his undershirt and though it was uncomfortable as hell, he decided to leave it on.
His travel companion, however, did not seem to think the same and when Diluc turned he was faced with Childe’s bare back. For a moment he couldn’t help but stare, not quite sure what caught his attention more, the countless freckles spreading across his shoulders or the equally numerous scars adorning his light skin. There were lots of them, really, bigger and smaller ones, some barely visible anymore as if their origin had been years ago, others rather fresh, barely healed yet, the flesh tight and pink.
Something tightened in Diluc’s chest. His own body wasn’t any less scarred and he shouldn’t care about the wounds of a fatui. Yet he watched how the marks moved across Childe’s skin and this time didn’t even avert his eyes when Childe turned and met his gaze. The cocked his head to the side.
“What?”
“Nothing”, Diluc muttered, recognizing that Childe’s chest didn’t look much different from his back. Was it natural to have this many freckles? How stupid.
“You can’t keep this on”, Childe said and it took Diluc a moment to realize he was referring to his own shirt.
“I can wear what I want”, he replied and walked over to the bed.
Childe chuckled as he followed him. “Sure, but I’ll guarantee you you’ll get a cold.” When Diluc didn’t move a finger, he clicked his tongue at him. “Archons, don’t be so stubborn. Take it off.”
“You don’t tell me to take my clothes off!”, Diluc barked back, hating how the heat shot up to his ears.
It didn’t help how amused Childe seemed, sitting down on his side of the bed. “Either you do it or I’m going to.”
“Fucking try it, Fatui.”
“Is that a dare?”
“It’s a warning.”
Childe grinned a little wider. “You are being very childish, do you know that? That’s pretty unlike you.”
Diluc knew he was right and it made him furious because why was he being like this? He had no idea. Of course he couldn’t sleep in his wet shirt, so there was really no reason to dispute. What irritated him was how much Childe seemed to care about the matter.
“Honestly, shut up and go to sleep. I can’t stand another word from you tonight.” With that he turned his back to Childe while he unbuttoned his shirt. To his relief the only thing he heard from him was the creaking of the bedstead.
Diluc grimaced when he peeled the wet fabric off his skin and felt his dripping hair cling to his back instead, so he opened his ponytail and combed through the tangled strands with his fingers before pulling it up into a bun. That was the only way to keep it from dampening the whole mattress during the night.
When he finally went to get into the bed as well, he found Childe staring at him. The awe in his wide blue eyes made something tingle in his stomach and he cleared his throat. “Is there a problem?”
“What? No. No, not at all.” He turned away a bit too quickly and pulled the blanket over his body, facing away from Diluc. “Good night.”
Diluc decided that, he too, didn’t have the nerve to dispute any further, so he followed Childe’s example and closed his eyes. But he wasn’t used to sharing a bed with someone, to having another warm body so close to him and it took him a while to fall asleep. The air was too still, the room too quiet, so at some point he sat up to open the window a bit, letting in cool air and the soft sound of the rain. It helped, if only a little bit, though his thoughts were spinning and his mind got carried away and every time he felt close to drifting off to sleep even the slightest movement from the other side of the bed alerted him and put him back on guard.
To think he would ever be so close to a Fatui harbinger without the intention to kill him…
Diluc sighed into his pillow and tried to force himself to stop thinking. Which was, honestly, easier said than done. Still, at some point he managed to let himself slip away into the peaceful darkness of sleep.
-
Diluc didn’t dream very often. Maybe because his sleep usually wasn’t deep and steady enough, because he was too attentive, shaped by many years of traveling in unknown territory and unsafe regions where you always had to keep an eye open, even during night. He had trained himself to jump awake at the slightest sign of danger and even when he was at home in the Winery, he slept too light and brief to dream.
But on the rare occasions, like this one, his dreams were not exactly pretty. He couldn’t recall what exactly it was that spun through his unconsciousness that night, but it was streaked with blood and violence, blades drawn in a rain of ice, words screamed like death sentences. Memories that staked his heart and drew his breath. His skin was being ripped apart, again and again, as the world went crushing down around him in a chaos of fire and water.
“Diluc.”
Diluc noticed his chest heaving, straining, barely able to drag enough air into his lungs. There was a weight crushing him down, it was too warm, too hot, his head was spinning, and he was burning, everything was burning, burning, burning…
“Diluc. Diluc!”
He had no idea where he was, if he was awake or not, alive or already dead. Too many voices around him, too many faces he couldn’t stand looking at. His father, who had left him, his brother, who had betrayed him, people he had met in a dark that nobody else knew about. And underneath all that…
“Wake up, Diluc.”
Childe.
“Go away”, Diluc croaked and pushed. He didn’t even know what he was pushing against, there was something warm and soft under his fingertips and he pushed because he couldn’t stand it, he didn’t want him around, that boy who was confusing him, his feelings, his poor stupid heart.
Go away, go away, go away.Somewhere close to him he heard Childe gasp, felt something move in his grip. “Diluc”, he said again, hoarsely, “come… on.”
The darkness was devouring him and Diluc gritted his teeth, fighting back, trying to convince himself that nothing could hurt him, he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him, least of all Childe.
He shifted his weight, flexing his arms, and the squeaking sound of the old bed frame moving with him finally pulled him out of his trance.
With a wheeze he opened his eyes, cold night air flooding his lungs. It took him a moment to realize he wasn’t laying on the mattress anymore. His gaze was dizzy, wandering from the wall in front of him to the opened window above, wind ruffling a few stray strands of hair that had escaped from his bun, then down to his hands. His hands, which were wrapped around Childe’s throat.
Diluc blinked. His mind was blank, his thoughts too far away to grasp. He stared down at Childe’s reddened face, wondering why he was underneath him, until he came to notice that he was sitting on the harbinger, his thighs strangling the other’s sides between them.
Childe’s eyes had that fascinating blue colour even in the darkness of the night. Like a goddamn ocean. “Are you awake?”, he asked, barely squeezing the words out, his air cut short by Diluc’s grip.
Diluc didn’t answer, just kept glaring down at him and wondering why on earth the man wasn’t doing anything. He didn’t know this happened, how he ended up on his chest, choking the life out of him but that didn’t matter half as much as the fact that Childe wasn’t stopping him.
Diluc clasped his fingers a little tighter, to see what would happen, to make him defend himself. But Childe just heaved, his head rolling back and one of his hand squeezing Diluc’s knee, as if he wanted to push him off, but he didn’t.
He didn’t.
Instead, he looked at him, horribly calm and pressed more words forth. “Are you… alright?”
Diluc growled at him. How did he dare looking at him like that, asking him this, when Diluc was just about to choke him to death? He was going to kill him. He was going to kill him.
“What is wrong with you?”, he hissed, leaning down, his hair falling on Childe’s face and painting it like streaks of blood. “Why are you… why are you not afraid of me?”
Childe searched his gaze through half-lidded eyes and suddenly he seemed exhausted, already more dead than alive and it disturbed Diluc to his very core. And yet he had the fucking audacity to smile at him. “You’re not… you’re not going to kill me, Diluc.”
Diluc felt a bead of sweat run down his temple. Only then did he realize that his body was shaking, his muscles aching, and he felt like he had just run a hundred miles. The darkness of the room was still stretching out it’s cold, creepy hands for him, trying to pull him back down into the spiral of his nightmares.
“How can you be sure of that?”, he groaned, his voice cracking. “What is keeping me from ending you right here and now?”
“If you really wanted me dead”, Childe whispered, “you would have long done it already.”
Before he knew it his grip was slowly loosening around Childe’s throat, and he felt him swallow. Diluc exhaled a long breath, chuckling without a real reason.
Yes, of course. It was the very truth he had been trying so hard to deny. He didn’t want to kill Childe. He couldn’t. And he had just proven it to both of them. How pathetic.
Why? What was it that was holding him back, just why, why, why could he not bring himself to despise this man as much as he did all the others of his kind?
“I hate you”, he muttered, lifting a hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead.
Childe nodded slightly. “You totally do.” Then he reached for Diluc’s face as well, carefully cupping his cheek. Even though the touch seemed to sear through his skin, Diluc didn’t back away. “And you look certainly pretty when you’re trying to kill me.”
Diluc scowled, making Childe laugh. Maybe he should have moved and laid back down, but the warmth of the other’s body was strangely comforting, so he stayed for a moment, curling his hands against Childe’s chest. Childe didn’t protest.
“Did you have a nightmare?”, he asked after a while, breaking the fuzzy silence.
“Kind of.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No. I’m fine.” Oddly enough, that was the truth. He still felt out of place, lightheaded and exhausted but he was alright. Childe’s hand was now slowly rubbing his back and that alone was enough to drive away the shadows in his mind.
Diluc yawned and Childe said: “You should try to sleep a little more.”
So Diluc slid off him and back onto the mattress, trying to adjust his blanket that lay in a messy heap at the foot of the bed. Once he put his head back on the pillow, Childe turned on his side to face him. Diluc looked back at him, his throat suddenly feeling tight.
“Can I also go back to sleep or do I need to fear being woken up by another assassination attempt?”
“You always need to fear me”, Diluc whispered back, a smile tugging on his lips when Childe laughed quietly.
“Hey, Diluc?”, he then said.
“Yes?”
“Is it alright if I touch you?”
The question stirred up all the confusing feelings in Diluc’s chest, his heart skipping a beat. What a dumb thing to say. What a dumb thing that the words almost made him feel glad. “Okay.”
Childe’s hand came up against his elbow, slowly sliding down his lower arm, gliding over all those old scars, until he carefully intertwined their fingers.
Diluc looked up at him to find Childe with his eyes closed already. His face was so close. It looked soft, so peaceful, his cheek squished against the pillow and his freckles spread across his skin like the darkest little stars.
Chide smiled suddenly, as if he had noticed Diluc’s gaze, and muttered: “Stop staring at me and go to sleep.”
Diluc grimaced at him, but still closed his eyes as well. “Shut up.”
-
When he woke up in the morning the rain had stopped and warm rays of sunlight painted the room golden. Diluc blinked slowly, his tired eyes itching. It felt like he had slept longer and calmer than ever.
The busy noise of the Inn softly flowed in through the window and Diluc just listened to it for a moment, looking up at the wooden ceiling. Then he came to notice the weight on his chest and turned his head. Childe was sleeping right next to him, his head nuzzled against Diluc’s shoulder and one arm draped over his body. His breath was quiet and steady, ghosting over Diluc’s skin, and his ginger hair shimmered in the morning light.
Diluc watched him and stalled when his eyes fell on the dark marks around Childe’s throat, barely more than faint shadows, but he knew they would grow into visible bruises. A shiver crept up his spine.
What was going on with him? He had the unwell feeling of driving himself into something that wouldn’t be easy to get out of again. But he didn’t know how to stop it. And just maybe he also secretly did not wish to stop it at all.
Childe sighed in his sleep and shifted a bit closer. Perhaps he should have woken him up, it was still quite a way to Liyue Harbour, but Diluc didn’t move a finger. Instead, he leaned back, his body sinking into the mattress heavily, and listened to Childe’s breathing.
As soon as he moved, as soon as he got out of this bed and back on the road, things would get complicated again and he would have to face this whole complicated thing. It wouldn’t hurt to delay that a little further.
Right now, he was in no hurry to disrupt this rare moment of peace for the both of them.