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“If I’m gonna play Nikki right,” she gives him a light shove, and his back lands firmly against the wall of the elevator. “I gotta feel that heat.”
“Natalie, I’m–“
“Not Natalie,” she interjects, leaning in closer. “Nikki.”
She finally closes the distance, pressing her lips against his.
His whole body feels paralyzed, his brain stopping like a scratched record. He loses all sense of where he is, letting the box slide right out of his grasp and onto the floor. The doors of the elevator close, leaving them secluded at last, if only for a moment.
Castle strides into the precinct wearing a charming smile. Kate listens to him greet the uniform in the hallway before he reaches her, though she pretends not to hear a word.
“Good morning, Detective,” Castle exclaims as he approaches her, offering her one of the coffees in his hands.
“Is that for me or the fictional version of me? Or have you already taken care of her this morning?” Kate snaps back. It’s aggressive and she knows it, but she’s still uneasy about what she saw last night. She still feels like she can see them kissing in the elevator whenever she closes her eyes.
“What is- What is that supposed to mean?” Castle sounds confused, but there’s an underlying pain, and maybe even a bit of anger.
At that moment, Jenny runs by, with Ryan chasing after her. Kate watches them with concern, but when she glances back at Castle, he hasn’t taken his eyes off of her.
“I’m serious, Beckett,” he says. He won’t let her get away without an explanation. Not this time.
“Well you did take her home, or maybe you went to her place?” Kate replies. “You slept with her, didn’t you?”
“Why would you even think that?”
“The kiss in the elevator.” For some reason, Kate feels warmth rising to her cheeks. Even though she’s the one accusing him of something (though, of what, she wasn’t quite sure yet), she somehow feels embarrassed even admitting to witnessing such an intimate moment.
His face falters. “Ah… you saw that.”
“Yeah.”
“To be fair, she kissed me first.”
Kate rolls her eyes at that. “And then you kissed her back.”
“So?”
“What do you mean ‘so?’” She retaliates. She can feel the anger building. How did he not get it?
“So what if I did kiss her back?… Are you jealous?”
“Of her? Because of the kiss?” Kate scoffs. She tries to sound sure of herself, but his question lingers in the back of her mind. “In your dreams.”
“Are you sure?” Castle squints quizzically and steps closer. “Because you sound a little bitter about it.”
Kate’s warm cheeks start to burn, the closeness lighting a fire within her. “I just think it’s creepy that you slept with the fictional version of me.” She reassures herself that that’s a reasonable way to feel.
“Well then,” Castle starts, a small smile creeping onto his face. “I guess you’ll be happy to hear I didn’t sleep with her.”
At first, Kate doesn’t comprehend what he’s saying, because she’s too caught up in his baby blue eyes and alluring smirk. When she finally processes it, he must notice the look of confusion on her face.
“Nothing happened,” he says, repeating his previous sentiment.
After another moment of thought, Kate finally speaks. “Why didn’t you sleep with me?”
Castle’s knowing grin wavers for a moment.
“Her me, not me me.”
“Oh,” Castle says, recovering quickly. “Same reason you said. It felt a little weird to sleep with a fictional character that I wrote inspired by you and played by Natalie Rhodes. She told me to call her Nikki and everything. Don’t get me wrong, it was hot, but…” He trails off.
“But what?”
“I felt like if I did it then I'd just be pretending to sleep with you. That’s when the whole thing started to feel so wrong.” He can’t help the shiver that runs through him as he remembers Natalie Rhodes undressing in front of him. He should’ve found it sexy. After all, plenty of men would kill to be in that position. Instead, he had shut down, eventually just leaving. He still feels a little bad about it, and he’s dreading having to see Natalie today.
Kate doesn’t notice the signs of Castle’s unpleasant flashback. “Oh come on, Castle,” She’s teasing, and she lets out a laugh. Still, it sounds half-hearted. “You’ve been trying to sleep with me since the moment we met.”
“Yeah, the real version of you. Not some clone.” He glances off to the side, hoping that she doesn’t take his comment too seriously. Not that he doesn’t mean it. He always means it.
Kate shrugs. She knows what she’s about to say is unfair, but it’s out before she can reconsider. “I guess I just thought it would be all the same to you.”
“The same to me?” He raises his eyebrows. He takes a step even closer. “Seriously, Beckett?”
Kate takes a step back, pulling away. “You sign women’s chests for a living.” She means for it to come out like a joke. She’s joked about this before, in the past. This time though, her tone gives her away.
“First of all, that is not true. Second, it’s different.”
“How exactly is it different?”
“I don’t actually sleep with all of those women.”
“But you certainly don’t hold back. The more, the merrier, right?” Kate rolls her eyes. This conversation is going nowhere, and she’s just about had it. They have a case to get to, and Natalie Rhodes will be here any minute to dig into her brain for another excruciating day. She starts to turn away from him.
Castle grabs her arm and twists so she’s forced to face him again.
“It’s not like that.” He says. His mouth is drawn out into a flat line, and his voice is low. She freezes. “This is different. This is about you. And me. It’s about us.”
Neither one of them says a word. They both shift their eyes, trying not to meet the other’s. All at once, they are too close, Castle’s hand is still firm on her arm, holding her in place. The only sound Kate can hear is her own heartbeat pounding frantically in her chest.
After holding her breath for a little too long, Kate inhales deeply before finally breaking the silence. “I see.”
“Do you?” Castle challenges her. She looks up, and she finds his eyes have locked onto her. They’re so intense, she feels her legs turn to jello.
“We can- we should- let’s talk about this some other time.” She stumbles clumsily over her words. Embarrassing. “We’ve got work to do.”
“Right,” he breaks eye contact, and his eyes drift off blankly.
Kate starts to turn, but she’s jolted back by something. Castle’s hand hasn’t loosened its grip on her arm.
“Castle,” she says, trying to snap him out of whatever is going through his head. When he finally looks up, there’s something so raw and vulnerable in his endless sky blue eyes. She feels a twist in her stomach at the sight.
“Promise me we’ll talk? Soon?” He says.
Kate stares at him, her mouth slightly open as words get caught in her throat. She most definitely does not want to talk. She doesn’t want to talk about Natalie Rhodes or Nikki Heat or that stupid kiss and the way it made her feel. She just wants to roll her eyes. She wants to wall herself in and not come out. Instead she just stands there, frozen.
“Kate?” He says, and it comes out weak, barely a whisper. He speaks her name with so much emotion behind it, so much hope and fear, it makes her want to melt into the floor.
Despite the alarm bells going off inside of her brain, she swallows thickly and forces words out.
“Are you free after we wrap up here tonight?”
After a moment, Castle nods, relaxing his grip on her arm.
They pull apart and try to move on with the case, but it doesn’t help that Natalie Rhodes is in yet another Kate Beckett look-alike costume. Castle steps out of the room, and suddenly it’s just Kate and Natalie.
Kate doesn’t really remember how the questions started, but next thing she knows, Natalie is pulling apart the inner workings of her relationship with Castle, something the two of them haven’t figured out themselves yet. It’s all too much, given the conversation she agreed to have with him tonight. She excuses herself, well past trying to hide her discomfort.
The rest of the day ticks by until it’s finally quitting time.
“I’m gonna head out,” Castle says to her. He glances around, shifting his eyes back and forth between her eyes and the floor.
“I’m still finishing some paperwork,” she responds, but she gives him a small smile. “I’ll see you later.”
He nods. “Text me if… just text me.” He nods again. “Later,” he says quietly, to himself more than to her. He turns and heads out. Then he's gone.
Kate takes a deep breath when the elevator doors finally close. She’s not even sure where this conversation will go and what she’ll say. She tries to prepare herself, but she’s not even sure what to prepare for. The nervousness finds its way to her hands, and she begins to tap her pen on the desk to try to calm them. To no avail, she realizes, and she won’t be able to do paperwork like this.
Frustrated, she slams the folder shut, throwing it into a random desk drawer. She’ll figure it out tomorrow.
She gets up and makes her way to the elevator on shaky legs, trying to muster all of the courage she can as she mentally maps out her way to Castle’s loft.
She’s been standing in front of his door for five minutes. She thought that she had herself pulled together on the way here, but now that she’s actually here, in front of his door, she can’t bring herself to knock.
He opens the door without her knocking.
“How did you-“ she starts quietly.
“I was expecting you. Plus, I could hear movement outside of the door.”
She nods. Was she really making that much noise? It occurs to her that maybe she wasn’t making much noise at all, but that he was just listening very closely.
“So,” Castle continues. “Would you like a drink?”
“Uh… no. No thank you.” Maybe this would be easier to do while drunk, but then she might make worse decisions. She just wants to have this conversation and get the hell out.
“Okay.” He says, and there's silence. “Come in at least.”
She doesn’t want to do that either, but after a moment of hesitation she decides that it would be rude to say no. So she steps inside, and he shuts the door behind her. There’s even more silence.
“Well, you’re the one who wanted to talk. What are we talking about?” It’s meant to be just a regular question, but it comes out all wrapped in barbed wire.
“God, Kate,” he says. “What the hell is with you? Can’t you say something without making it sound all backhanded?”
She just blinks at him. She’s honestly not sure if she can, so she just shrugs and turns her head away.
“Apparently not,” he sighs, exasperated. “So you hate me now? Is that it?”
“No,” she says firmly.
“Okay?” His voice is getting louder. “I’ll start then. You seem a little conflicted regarding the fact that I didn’t fuck your clone. What’s that about?”
“I am not conflicted,” Kate shoots back.
“Oh, you aren’t? Okay then,” Castle is nearly shouting now, anger rising into his cheeks. “You seemed angry when you thought we slept together, but then you were still angry when I told you we didn’t. Care to explain that?”
“Maybe I just don’t know how to feel about any of this stuff, okay? It’s a little intense to be followed by someone who looks and acts just like you.”
“Hey, you’re the one who allowed her to shadow you, remember? I didn’t want her here from the beginning.”
“Now you’re a little too eager to keep her here,” Kate mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing.
“No, tell me.”
“It’s just that you don’t seem to feel that way anymore.”
“I thought she was shallow before, but now I see she has potential as an actress.” Castle responds, and he’s much more calm now. Or maybe he’s just pretending to be. “It takes a lot to play Nikki Heat, it’s nice to see the role go to someone so dedicated.”
“Yeah right. She’s just flirting with you, and you’re falling for it.”
“Oh I see,” Castle smirks, and oh no that can’t be good. “You’re making this a competition.”
“Not true.”
“It is though. You’ve never had to compete for my attention before. I always flirt with you, and now that I’m flirting with her the same way, you feel left out.”
Kate opens her mouth to deny it, deny all of it, but Castle isn’t done yet.
“That kiss!” He exclaims with sudden realization. “You’re mad because you saw the kiss, and you wished it was you in that elevator with me, not Natalie.”
Castle walks towards her. Kate steps back, trying to put distance between herself and this unspeakable truth that Castle is laying out in front of her, but her back hits the door. He doesn’t stop until he’s right in front of her. Close enough to touch, close enough to kiss. Her breath gets caught in her throat.
“You still wish it had been you in that elevator, don’t you?” The words drip seductively off of Castle’s tongue, and he’s right, he’s so right. “Don’t you?” He repeats, and his eyes flick down to her lips.
She means to deny it, but her body gives her away. She nods.
“Maybe we can make that wish come true,” he purrs, leaning in closer. The rational part of Kate’s brain is screaming at her to push him away, to stop all of this and leave. It’s too late though. Before she knows what she’s doing, she’s leaning forward to meet his lips.
The first kiss is light. Pursed lips against pursed lips. It’s simple, almost Puritan.
Then Castle is slamming her hard against the door, his hands gripping her hips. A gasp escapes her mouth, but he’s quick to silence it with his. Their lips pull back and crash together over and over again, hungry for more, more, more.
Castle’s fingers dig into her hips harder, possibly even leaving bruises for her to find tomorrow morning. It’s that feeling that reminds Kate that she too has hands. Currently, her palms are pressed uselessly against the door at her back. She reaches up and threads them into his hair. He lets out a small groan into her mouth, and she feels it send a bolt of lightning straight to her core.
“Fuck,” she whimpers, suddenly aware of the wetness pooling in her panties.
Hearing her must do something to Castle, because he’s moving his hands from her waist, dragging them up her body until they reach the top button of her shirt. He’s undoing them now with skilled precision. It makes her feel a certain strange way, like she’s now some kind of virgin trying to prove herself.
She reaches for his buttons as well, but the nerves make her fingers clumsy. He pulls back for a moment and chuckles against her cheek.
“Sorry,” she mumbles. She’s already fucked up by just being here, participating in this thing that will only further complicate their relationship, and now she’s managed to go and fuck up the fun part too.
“For what?” he says, his words muffled against her neck as he presses his lips there.
“For…” Fuck. She can hear the tremble in her own voice, the uncertainty, the insecurity. “For messing it up,” she says finally. Yeah, that should cover everything.
“Kate,” Castle pulls back. “Are you serious?”
The use of her first name sends another shock through her body. She nods.
“Why would you think that?” He asks, his eyes flashing with concern.
“It’s not important,” she says, pulling him back in. Just before their lips meet again, he stops.
“It is important,” he whispers. “You didn’t mess anything up.”
His words do little to alleviate her feeling of inadequacy.
“Is this still about Natalie?” he presses on.
No way, she thinks, but then again, isn’t it? Natalie is more confident, more experienced, more candid. Isn’t that what he wanted? Isn’t that what he deserved?
“Kate,” Castle says, eyes locked on hers and his hands at her shoulders.
“I don’t know,” she replies, and her voice breaks a little bit.
“No,” he coos. “No, Kate. Don’t think about any of that. I want you. Please. Please.” His lips find her neck again, and it’s hard to think about anything else.
“Are - “ she gasps as he sucks on the soft skin of her neck, undoubtedly leaving a mark for her to find in the morning. “Are you sure?” She manages to breathe out.
“Yes,” he groans, moving his mouth down to her collarbone. “God, yes.”
“But - “
“Beckett, just shut up,” he says, and he pushes her into the door again, pressing his body firmly against her. His whole body.
A shiver runs up her spine, because suddenly there's skin-on-skin, but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of his hips leaning into hers.
She can feel the bulge in his pants against her body, and maybe it’s in her head, but she’s beginning to believe the rumors about his impressive size.
Every thought leaves her mind as he drives his knee between her thighs. She finds herself resting on his leg, and he’s shifting it back and forth ever so slightly. There’s the smallest amount of friction as he sways, pressing his lips to hers again. It makes her crave more, and her hips rock restlessly.
A moan forms deep in the back of her throat, but he swallows it. He must take notice of the increasing desperation of her hips grinding down hard onto his leg. He trails one hand down to her hip, then further, to the outside of her thigh. He pulls her leg upward and she finally connects the dots, wrapping her leg around his waist.
He was right to do that. Kate can feel something inside of her building up and up, until it’s all she can do just to cling to him. She has her face in the crook of his neck now, gasping and whimpering and letting all kinds of obscenities spill from her mouth.
His hands slide to her breasts, slipping under her bra to brush her tender nipples with his thumbs. She so worked up, probably soaked straight through her pants, that this new sensation is pushing her over the edge.
“Castle,” she gasps, barely audible. “Castle, if you keep doing that-”
“What is it?” He whispers in her ear. “If I keep doing… this?” He works his thigh against her core. “Or maybe you mean… this?” He teases, flicking at her nipples. “Or what about… this?” Unexpectedly, he nips at her ear. It’s driving her crazy. “What will you do then?”
“If you…” Kate can feel her whole body quivering now. “I’m going to…”
“You’re going to what?” He questions, but he already knows what she’s going to say. “Let’s find out.” He says, and he doubles down on his efforts. Within seconds, she feels the sparks inside of her finally catch, and she cries out as everything goes white.
Castle is the only thing keeping her on her feet as she comes down. Her breathing begins to slow, and suddenly she’s feeling very exposed. Despite the fact that she still has her pants on - her soaked pants - she feels overly vulnerable.
As if sensing this, Castle pulls her in closer, holding her. The embrace is reassuring. Somehow, it feels like a promise, but of what she’s not sure yet.
After a blissful moment, something else comes to her attention. Kate can still feel his erection pressed up against her leg, trapped painfully in his pants. She smiles to herself, because despite her insecurities, this is something Kate Beckett knows she can do.
Kate sinks to her knees, brushing away his supportive arms. Her hands rest on his waistband as she looks up at him. He’s been acting tough all evening, but the look on his face is that of a man about to fold.
Slowly, she works at Castle’s belt, then onto the button of his pants. She leans forward, catching the zipper in her teeth and tugging it down.
“So worked up already?” She bats her eyelashes at him. “I haven't even touched you yet.”
“Not my fault,” Castle retorts quickly, as if he’s holding his breath. He presses his hands to the door behind her.
“Well,” she hums, pleased at the desperate sound he makes when she reaches into his boxers and wraps her slender fingers around him. “Just try not to shoot too soon, okay? Although, we can always just cuddle, Castle.”
The eye roll he’s giving her is interrupted as she presses her lips to the tip of his cock.
“Fuck,” he grits his teeth, fighting for control.
It’s pointless though, because as soon as Kate slips her mouth around him, she already knows he’s a goner.
“Oh God, Kate,” he moans.
She continues without mercy, drawing him deeper into her mouth with each stroke. Finally, after inhaling sharply, she slides his cock all the way down her throat. The groan that emerges from him is deep and primal. She feels a hand hovering over her head, brushing the strands of hair but not comfortable enough to rest there. She pulls back.
“You can put your hand there, you know,” She says, looking up at him seductively, lips still brushing the head of his erection.
“I… I did not know,” Castle says, panting slightly. He finally places a hand on top of your head.
“It’s okay if you want to move me,” she adds. “Trust me, I can take it.” She chuckles before flicking her tongue out and teasing him up and down his length.
He fists his hand in her hair and pushes. It’s not rough, but it’s commanding. She gives in willingly, letting all of him in with ease.
Kate adds her hand as well. It starts off resting on the base of his cock, but quickly moves to his balls, rolling them mindlessly until she realizes the way his breathing pattern has changed. Despite how gentle he had been earlier, he pulls at her hair now, moving her more erratically.
Without warning, he lets go of her hair, tapping her shoulder frantically. She shifts her eyes up to his, but closes her mouth around his length, not willing to let go.
“Kate,” he sputters. “Kate, I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”
The warning is a sweet gesture, really, and maybe it would mean more to her if she didn’t fully intend on seeing this through. She nods at him and buries his cock in her mouth again, this time sucking hard.
Castle thrusts into her mouth, his hand finding the back of her head again. Kate can feel the tip of his cock hitting the back of her throat. Even with the talent she knows she has, she finds herself trying not to gag. He really is well endowed, and it’s by far the biggest she’s ever had in her mouth before. Still, she doesn’t want him to stop. She reaches around him to find his ass and plants her hands there, digging her fingernails in through the cloth.
“Oh fuck,” his mouth is moving, but Kate can tell he’s long gone. “Fuck, Kate. Oh God,”
With one final thrust, Castle forces his cock all the way down her throat, coming hard and deep.
Kate hums dutifully around his cock, swallowing everything he has to give.
Castle shutters as she licks him clean, his length over-sensitive from his recent undoing.
When she’s done, she slithers back up his body, planting a kiss on his lips when she’s finally all the way upright. He leans in, deepening the kiss, and she knows he can taste himself still lingering in her mouth.
“We still haven’t talked,” he says, pulling away just slightly.
“I know,” she sighs.
“Kate,” he starts, and he looks like he’s preparing to be painfully honest with her.
She tries to kiss him again in a desperate attempt to stop his words, but he’s holding her firmly in place.
“Kate,” Castle says again, more commanding this time. “We need to talk about this. Whatever this is. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
Technically, it was why she had come over, but she wasn’t too keen on actually making that happen.
“I’m gonna say it,” he said, and she froze, terrified of what it might be. “I… care about you. I think you know that. But there’s something more between us and I know you feel it too.”
He waited for her to respond, but when she was silent, he kept going.
“I know you were jealous about Natalie.”
“I was not—“
“You were. Stop denying it so we can move on.”
She can feel her cheeks heat up, but she nods anyway.
“Can you just say it?” Castle sounds tired.
“Fine,” Kate says, giving into him. “I don’t like how you’re acting around her. I don’t want you to give her the same attention you give me.”
“I was looking for the word jealous,” Castle says with a smirk. “But I guess that will do.”
He steps back and grabs her hand, threading his fingers in hers.
“Would you give us a shot? Maybe I can take you to dinner tomorrow?” Castle’s eyes light up.
“Okay,” Kate replies, and silently curses the blush she feels spreading across her face.
“Good,” he starts backing up, pulling her with him. “Now come to bed with me. I want to give you a proper orgasm.”
He leads, and she follows him willingly.