Chapter Text
Remus had spent his whole life trying not to be noticed. He didn't want anyone to think he was suspicious, or frankly, interesting. Interesting people were taken note of, it would be harder to keep his secrets if people actually paid attention to him.
He had been reasonably successful too, very easy to stay out of the spotlight when it was always fixed so intently on your best friends.
But in the prefect carriage, on the Fourth of January 1978, Remus was taking the full glare of a very pointed spotlight. An emerald green one. Lily's admittedly lovely eyes flicked to him constantly.
To make things worse, Regulus had ended up, by some cruel irony, sitting right next to him. Remus definitely wasn't upset about this, but as Lily was sitting directly opposite, he couldn't really enjoy it.
Regulus hadn't even spoken to him, Vera sat to his left and he'd spent the whole morning talking to her.
Remus mostly just looked out the window and daydreamed about their next rounds evening. But he could feel Lily’s eyes boring into him.
It had seemed so simple when Regulus had made him promise that their relationship would still be the same when they came back to school. But, it didn't feel the same to Remus any more. It was no longer their little secret. It was no longer contained to Hogwarts. It had spread from London to Gloucestershire to Yorkshire in the space of two weeks.
Suddenly, Regulus, hungry-eyed and pink-cheeked, lit by low afternoon sun in Remus's bedroom, flashed through his mind. Then his imagination painted him a picture of a chilly London street corner, a red phone box with soot stained terraces rising into the grey sky behind it, and Regulus, alone and shivering as he grinned down the phone. Out of his depth, out of his comfort zone, all so he could talk to a boy he should hate.
Too much hope swirled inside Remus and he slumped further against the window.
This carriage was the reality.
Ignoring each other. Not even able to make eye contact for fear of discovery. How could it ever be more than this?
Run away together?
Lose everyone else?
Regulus had already said he'd never leave his family. A little disenchanted sigh slipped from between Remus's lips. How had he got himself in this mess?
Lily's attention wasn't focused on him right then, one of the 5th years was talking to her very seriously about something, blocking her view. He chanced a glance at Regulus, he seemed to sense the movement next to him, because the dimple in his cheek flickered, and he pressed his arm against Remus's.
Vera was in full flight about some holiday family drama and by all appearances Regulus was listening studiously, but when Remus returned the pressure of his arm, his leg twitched, and he shifted slightly so that their thighs touched hip to knee. Was he suffering too?
Could this be enough for now?
Solidarity in silence?
"Lily Evans can go to hell." Regulus complained suddenly as he dragged Remus behind a suit of armor on the fourth floor.
They were in a hurry, it wasn't even their usual rounds night. But it was Lily’s birthday and James had asked Remus to switch so that he could do something romantic with her. Lily had finally agreed to be his official girlfriend after the New Years party and James Potter, who never did anything by halves, was taking this very seriously.
Regulus’s birthday was also this week, tomorrow in fact, the last day of January. The problem with Monday rounds, was that McGonagall was the teacher on duty, and far more likely to catch them out than Professor Imran the Divination professor, who did Thursday evenings. Remus was yet to see him on any of their regular nights this year so far. McGonagall though, she was bound to notice if they weren't doing their job properly.
"My birthday is far more important, how dare hers be so close to mine?" Regulus pouted, "it's incredibly selfish of her."
"Hmm." Remus agreed, more concerned about making the most of their brief solitude than anything else. "Your one is quite important, coming of age and all." He managed to say between frenzied kisses, it had been eleven days since they were alone together, as the full moon had disrupted their usual Thursday night last week.
"And yet the only gift I want from you is plenty of coming." Regulus said dryly, letting Remus back him against the stone wall in the dark corner.
Remus chuckled at the terrible line, nose buried in Regulus’s hair, fingers frantic at his belt, "Well, I certainly won't be giving you and Lily the same thing then."
Fifteen minutes later, after a near miss with Peeves and a suddenly present McGonagall, the two prefects were walking the corridors once more. They made it all the way down to the dungeons and back up to the Entrance Hall before the warm contentment inside Remus faded properly. He was like an addict. Already wondering when Regulus could deliver his next fix.
"I'm going home this weekend," Regulus said as they crossed the flagstones toward the marble staircase, "Mother is insisting. Family things to take care of."
"Will they be making it official?" Remus asked, "Cutting Sirius off, naming you as the heir?"
Regulus nodded, his eyes on the dark grounds out the tall arched windows that lined the front wall of the Entrance Hall, "I think so. There will be other stuff," he swallowed uncomfortably, as he looked back at Remus, "Talk of marriage, I would say."
This sentence hit Remus oddly hard, his breath left him like he'd received a physical blow. He actually reached out a hand to the banister for support.
"Oh," he could hear the hollowness in own his voice. He focused on climbing the last few stairs, as not to appear completely ridiculous. "You're… you'll be okay with that?"
"Of course I'm not." Regulus sniped back, suddenly sharp and bitter, "How could he do this to me?" The words burst out of him, more furious and animated than Remus had ever heard, "He's so happy out there, everyone looking, everyone admiring , he's a born leader."
Remus didn't need any clarification on who "he" might be. Remus didn't agree though. "He's not." He contradicted quietly.
Regulus frowned, and so Remus elaborated, "Sirius. He's determined, he only does what he believes is right, but he's not a leader. James is. Hell, I'm more of a leader if you really get into it. And so are you."
Regulus still looked skeptical, but his annoyance seemed to have been vented. Calm once more, if not a little dejected.
"It's true. You're the one with the alliances, with - " Remus grimaced, he didn't particularly like having to buoy Regulus up on this matter, " - with the respect for the position. I don't like what your parents stand for, but even I can't deny that the Blacks are part of wizarding Britain, part of its success. However fucked up that might be."
Regulus blinked at him for a moment, apparently rather taken aback, "Are you coming around then?" His voice held his usual coolness, but there was something else there, hope or eagerness, Remus felt his stomach churn at the sound, "Preservation of our culture is the crux of the uprising, you know. It's -"
" Destruction of a people to preserve our culture, you mean." Remus cut him off angrily, his own voice much louder than he expected, furious with himself, "And no, I'm not coming around ." He spat, unable to even look in Regulus’s direction anymore.
They walked in a stony silence for several corridors, up through the castle. Remus's insides tying themselves in knots.
It was Regulus that broke the quiet, ten minutes later when Remus was still spiralling, trying to reconcile the way he felt for Regulus, with the way he should feel towards someone like him.
"Do you think McGonagall is still up?" He asked quietly and Remus looked to see his eyes flick to the door of their favourite disused sixty-four.
Remus had been so preoccupied he hadn't even realised they had reached the 6th floor.
"Or are you too indignant to get off?" Regulus smirked, eyebrow up in challenge, like he already knew the answer.
Pretty bastard.
Remus huffed. "I don't know that one prevents the other." He muttered, grudgingly, as Regulus opened the door.