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Embrace the Pain

Summary:

The temple of Loviatar in Waterdeep, known affectionately as The House of Pain, is a bit too quiet for Abdirak's liking. He returned there after helping the goblin camp near Baldur's Gate. He didn't like their talk of war. War is just misdirected pain, caused for the purpose of gaining power. That is not Loviatar's way.

Three years after his return, however, a lonely Tav meets him at the door, begging to enter and become one of the faithful. One of his own disciples.

Who is he to deny her?

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Rain poured down upon Waterdeep. I came to visit Gale and to hunt for a house, but something tugged at me, pulling me in the direction of the lowest level of the city. I followed steps downward, trying not to slip on the slick stones, and found myself standing outside of a temple. This one was affectionately called The House of Pain. Loviatar. The tug at my mind and my heart had led me here. I remembered my time with Abdirak. We had met once, but just that once was enough to leave a lasting mark on my soul. We had a connection when he was beating me in the name of his goddess. Not in the same way I'd had a connection with my tadpole-bearing friends. The way Abdirak made me feel was unmatched to this day.

It's been three years. Would he remember me? Would he feel the same connection? Even if not, I could deal with the pain. Pain is what I sought, after all.

I pulled my cloak tighter around myself and took hold of the large knocker on the door. It was shaped like a nine-tailed flogger. The sound echoed in the alcove I was standing in. Would he even be here? This was his home, but what if he was still wandering?

A younger man answered the door.

"Are you a beggar or a penitent?" he demanded. I drew back my hood.

"I am here to see Abdirak, your priest. I seek the knowledge and understanding of pain by Loviatar's hand." The young man looked skeptical, but let me in anyway. My cloak dripped water onto the dark stone floor and my boots squeaked with each step. He hadn't said Abdirak wasn't here, but he was still suspicious of my motives.

Honestly, so was I. I had been trusting my instincts lately. I thought they were bringing me to Waterdeep to visit a dear friend, but now I wasn't so sure. Had my soul been yearning for something else all along?

Depictions of painful poses and torture methods were framed along each section of the walls. Some were downright vile. But all of them caused a warm sensation to spread through my chest and limbs. I was still shivering against the cold wetness of my clothes, but my entire self felt more content in this place.

"Abdirak is with another, more faithful follower at the moment. You will have to wait here." We were stopped outside of something akin to a priest's office. "I will tell him you are here. What was your name?" I was suddenly terrified. He had surely found someone better in three years. Someone who made a more lasting impression.

"Tav," I said. My voice nearly trembled and I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I willed them away. "Just tell him Tav is here." He rolled his eyes and knocked before entering. I could hear another man being whipped, crying out to Loviatar. The door was still slightly cracked when the man was granted entry, and I could make out a bit of what they were saying.

"Can't you see I am in the middle of teaching this Elf the ways of our goddess? What can this possibly be about?" I knew that commanding, sultry voice anywhere. My heartbeat quickened and I clenched my fists at my sides. I focused on the feeling of rainwater still dripping through my hair and clothes. I was right to forgo undergarments today.

"Some hussy is here to see you. Said she'll only speak to you and wants to learn from you personally. She said her name is Tav." I heard something clatter to the floor. Someone objected to being untied. Then the door flung open and the rude boy was ushered out along with another man. Abdirak strode forward with a smile on his bloodied face and his whip in his hands. His eyes raked over my soaked body.

His white hair was still perfectly shaved on one side of his head. His scars had multiplied, as well as his wrinkles. He looked... perfect. Exactly how I pictured he would after so long. He wiped his bloody hands on his black robe and pulled me into his study by the hands.

"Oh, my dearest one!" He nearly moaned the words as he pulled me into his arms and kicked the door shut. It slammed and I heard a locking mechanism engage. I hugged him back and let myself listen to his rapid heartbeat. "I was wondering if you'd forgotten me!" I pulled back and reach up to wipe some blood from his cheek.

"I could never forget you." He pulled me back into his arms and I felt his whole body shudder. "I actually thought you would have forgotten me by now, maybe found someone more worthy of your ministrations." He gasped and pulled away, gripping my shoulders painfully tight and examining my face with more concentration than anyone I had ever seen.

"Don't think that even for a moment, dear one. You have plagued my waking hours and my dreams since we first met. When I'm not praying, I've been trying to figure out where you may be so I could come see you. My dearest one, you are Loviatar's perfect match for me. She told me herself." A goddess decided that Abdirak and I were perfect for one another? That's interesting.

He relinquished his grip and rubbed the hurt away. I would surely have bruises. "If you are willing," he continued, "we could pick up where we left off last time. Or start anew. I could... I could minister to you again, if you'd like? You were the perfect disciple last time. There is no one I would rather share pain with." I leaned more into his touch.

"And who was that Elf I saw leaving your study? Another "chosen partner" from Loviatar?" Abdirak's expression shifted to one of panic and alarm.

"No! He was simply here to be taught, nothing more! I served his penance by the book. Yours... Yours is a bit more tailored." He pulled me in and nibbled at my earlobe. I let out a soft sigh at his warmth. "First things, of course," he purred, "we need to get you out of those wet clothes." My heart fluttered. I heard a clock chime on the desk. "Shit. I am meant to teach a large group at this hour. I was going to demonstrate Loviatar's love with that Elf man, but... With you here... Would you be willing to step in? You take it so well, you see. Loviatar adores you and your love of pain." He was asking me to be beaten in front of an audience? 

Count me in.

I dropped my cloak and soggy boots next to the blazing fireplace in his study and followed Abdirak out into the chapel. A large crowd lined the black pews, almost all of them holding a torture implement of some kind to use on themselves or each other. Abdirak took my hand and mounted the stage, shooing away his Elf friend. The man looked irritated and heartbroken. But, heartbreak is one of the many gifts of the Maiden of Pain. Without it, we do not truly know love.

"My friends," Abdirak announced. "This darling little pilgrim has journeyed from Baldur's Gate to join us this evening in a demonstration. I have had the pleasure of serving her penance before, in less comfortable circumstances. But she is dedicated to pain and the beauty of it like I have never seen." Abdirak nodded to me and helped with the removal of my soaking wet clothes. The cool air of the chapel coupled with the rain had my skin turning to gooseflesh and my entire body being set on high alert. He almost moaned at the sight of me. "In our first meeting, instead of hiding and shielding herself with clothing, she took the beating she was afforded on bare skin, unafraid and dedicated. She will do this for us again now." He stepped up and whispered to me. "I didn't think I'd get this much of a show from you, dear one." He had assumed I would be wearing undergarments. And he was sorely mistaken.

A large wooden cross stood on the stage with straps just waiting for me to be locked in. Abdirak took my hands and pulled me to the front of the stage, turning me for the entire chapel to see. He turned me as if we were dancing, with one arm above our heads.

"See her beautiful scars? These," he said, running a hand along my back, "are from our first meeting. Loviatar saw fit for me to bless Tav on that day. Even now, she carries the love of our Maiden." He gazed into my eyes as he pulled me over to the cross. He had me face it, away from everyone else. He tied me carefully to the arms of it, leaving my entire backside exposed to the masses of Loviatar followers. He walked around the structure so I could see his face and he tipped my chin up.

"Without pain, we cannot know pleasure," he said to the crowd behind me. "Without ache, we cannot know peace." He produced a familiar pair of nipple clamps from the pocket of this robe and placed them on me gently. The teeth bit into my flesh and I felt specks of blood beading up and falling down my chest. Abdirak gave a small whimper at the sight, but composed himself and pulled his flogger from his belt. He stepped back around me and showed everyone what he was holding. My body tensed with anticipation and I wanted nothing more than to clench my thighs together to find some sort of relief from my growing arousal. Abdirak is the only one who could do this to me.

The sharp sting of his whip hit the middle of my back and I threw my head back as I groaned in agony. I had forgotten how it felt to have your skin struck and ripped by a flogger. It felt wonderful. Abdirak moaned at my scream and went for another strike, this time on my left shoulder. He planned to spread this out across my whole body. The throbbing of my back and breasts was nothing compared to the throbbing between my legs. Abdirak struck me again, this time on the right shoulder, and I couldn't help myself. I let out a pleasured moan, as load as I could. Abdirak gripped my hair by the roots and pulled, eliciting another groan from deep in my throat.

"Do you feel Loviatar's love, dear one?" Abdirak growled.

"Oh! Yes!" I cried. Tears streamed down my face and he released my hair. Three more quick, even strikes to my lower back and ass, then one on each thigh. Then my calves. He covered the back of my entire body with cuts and lashes, with me screaming the whole time. Blood was splattering to the stage. Abdirak stopped his beating and quickly untied me, letting me fall backwards onto his chest. His ceremonial breast plate stabbed into my scars and deepened them, and I moaned again. I gazed up at him, pure lust and adoration dripping from the both of us. He was made by the gods just to ruin me. 

He turned me around for the crowd to see my tearstained face. Then he strapped me back onto the cross facing everyone. My body's reactions would no longer be hidden. The whole church would see my face contort from pain to bliss. Maybe this was part of the arousal. Knowing all these people were watching, but Abdirak was the only one who could touch me. He ran his hands from my cheeks to my neck, then to my breasts where he squeezed the nipple clamps and made them pinch even more into me. My blood covered his face and chest. It was even more of an arousing sight. Without warning, he struck me again with his whip. I heard several gasps as the tails of it licked my breasts and shoulders. I screamed and I felt like my throat would rip. That scream gave way to a moan as the pain subsided and was replaced with pleasure.

"Please!" I begged. "More!" Abdirak's expression was ravenous. He gave me countless more lashings, hitting everything but my neck and face. My whole body was a canvas of blood and sweat and arousal. I couldn't tell who was getting off on this more. He finally dropped his whip and untied me for the last time, cradling me against his chest as he lowered me to the floor.

"The most... important part... of this worship," he panted, "is making sure you are healed before starting again." He snatched a healing potion from the table and uncorked it with his teeth before pressing the bottle to my lips. I drank it and let my head rest in his lap. I gazed at Abdirak with as much love as I was capable of. He procured another jar, a salve, and had me stand up while he demonstrated how to properly apply it to all the affected areas. I let myself feel his hands as they roamed my body with purpose. I kept watching Abdirak, wanting him to take me right now in front of everyone. "Taking care of the subject is most important. Sometimes the pain they are coming to cleanse themselves of is deeper and more emotional. In that case, whatever they require, you should be willing and able to care for them." He lowered his voice to me and I leaned into his chest again. My head fell back onto his shoulder as he held me from behind.

"What do you require of me, dear one?" He was concerned, but still his eyes showed hunger.

"I just want you, sir," I breathed. My body was healed. I was ready to go again. I felt his erection press against my lower back as I spoke. He reached around and removed my nipple clamps in front of everyone and stepped back from me, only to yank me towards the table at the side of the stage and lift me onto it by my waist. He told me to stay. I sat with my back straight, hands in my lap, and legs swinging beneath me as he spoke to the followers of Loviatar again.

"The demonstration is now over. Go and practice what you have learned at Her altar. I shall be in my chambers, should anyone require a refresher course." Abdirak came back over to me and removed his chest piece. He turned it and placed the over-sized metal garment on my own shoulders. It slumped slightly and he smiled fondly at me. I put my arms around Abdirak's neck and wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing my aching self against him. Surely, he could feel my arousal? He held me around the waist and lifted me into his arms. When he adjusted his arms so he was holding me by the thighs, I heard a few whispers from the Elf he had spurned. 

"Honestly, she just showed up here to fuck him. She doesn't even look like a follower of Loviatar." I ignored the angry feelings bubbling up inside me and focused instead on the scent of my lover, who carried me out of the chapel and down more flights of stairs than we had climbed. We were going down to his bedchamber.

"Think nothing of it, dearest one," he assured me. "That Elf was only here to fuck me, too. I was holding him off by acting oblivious to his advances. In fact, half of the people I have converted in my life originally came here to bed me. You're just the only one who's been successful." I blushed and buried my face in his neck as he carried me.

"I haven't been successful yet," I mumbled into his skin. "Last time I checked, we still haven't gone to bed together." I felt him grin.

"True, but you are the first disciple I've considered. And my goddess adores you, so that's a big plus." We walked through a door and he kicked it shut before setting me on my feet and lifting his armor from my shoulders again. Once again, I was fully exposed. But not to an entire congregation this time. This time, it was all for him.

He wiped the blood from his face before pulling me into his chest and pressing his forehead to mine. He was already panting for me.

"Do you have any idea the pain I felt, waiting for you? It was... exquisite when you showed up here out of nowhere. I nearly lost all control with you then and there. I wanted to take you on my desk, in front of everyone, and let them see me reap my reward. Each day without you was agony. Each prayer for you to appear at my door was met with a command of patience. I was suffering so I could feel bliss. Oh, the pleasure I feel when I see you!" He ran a hand up and into my hair, tugging at my roots gently, lovingly. Much softer than on the stage moments before. He tipped my head back and pressed a kiss to my temple. Then my cheekbone. Then my jaw. His lips were soft and warm, a stark contrast to the dungeon we were in. Abdirak was being careful with me. He held me as if I were fragile, as if moments before he wasn't beating me and screaming with me as my pain mounted and pleasure sent it crashing like a wave. His hand that was at my back slid to my hip, then my ass, then down my thigh to pull my leg up as he pressed his erection into me. I draped my arms over his shoulders and I turned my head to catch his lips in my own. He let out a soft sigh and leaned more into me. 

I pulled him as close as I could and tugged at him. His hair, his arms, his waist, anything to get him closer to me. He dropped my leg and walked us backwards until the back of his legs hit his four poster bed. He sunk down and gazed up at me like he would worship me. He buried his face between my breasts and held me tight. I ran my fingers through his hair. He licked at the deep cuts from where the nipple clamps has been and the wounds opened again. He sucked at each nipple carefully, rolling the other in his fingers when it wasn't being ministered to. The taste of my blood on his tongue spurred him onward and I was soon moaning under his touch. My legs were shaking and my pussy clenched painfully, begging for attention. Abdirak pulled his blood-smeared mouth away from my chest and tugged me to join him on the bed. His gentle touches were nothing like the beatings that got the both of us off. These touches were loving and careful, not rough and hurried. But they were equally full of need. He pushed me onto my back, my head hitting his pillows. I inhaled his scent from the fabric around me and almost moaned. He was perfect. Even more so when he spread my legs and started pressing soft kisses to my inner thigh. He trailed them along my thighs until he reach my apex. I was aching for him now. With careful movements, he slid his tongue through my folds and flicked it against my throbbing clit.

My hips bucked at the feeling. He gave a pleasant purr and repeated his action. I bit back a moan as he clamped down on my clit and started slowly circling it with his tongue.

Was this a new kind of torture? Going slow and not letting me ride him until I saw stars? Because it was working. I gripped his hair and was begging for release, and he slipped a finger into my clenching hole. I let out a whimper as he continued to work at my clit and add a second finger. By the third finger, I was moaning and my hips were bucking against him. He held me firmly against the bed and I cried out loudly as I came for him, all over his face and fingers. He pumped his fingers in and out of me through my orgasm, chasing down a second. When I stopped writhing, he pulled his hand away from me and licked his fingers clean, moaning at the taste.

"Oh, you taste divine, love." My skin was hot and sensitive as he abandoned his robe on the floor. I saw the chains he wore as his undergarment and my already red face turned a deeper crimson.

His hips were adorned with leather and chains, hugging him around the thighs. His cock was held by a metal loop, and his erection strained against it. The head of it was nearly purple and precum was leaking from him already.

We were fully nude before one another. I had never seen him in anything other than his ceremonial robes. I pulled him in to kiss him and tasted myself on his tongue. He gripped my hips hard enough to bruise.

Gone was the careful, gentle lover. He was turning feral quickly. His pupils were blown out and he looked like a starving animal. I was ready to be mauled.

He grabbed both of my thighs and dragged me down the bed, positioned his cock at my entrance, and drove himself in fully in one swift, rough motion. A scream ripped from my throat as he bottomed out. He gave me no time to adjust. Instead he set a punishing pace. He growled with each rough thrust into me. One hand gripped my throat and squeezed while the other worked my clit over. I was finding release faster than he was. I couldn't think or breathe. I could only scream and moan as I convulsed under him.

He pulled out quickly after my release, willing himself not to finish, and pushed his fingers into me again for me to ride out my climax. Then he grabbed my hips and made me turn over. He shoved my head into the pillow and I inhaled the scent of him. He pushed himself into me again and a new feeling washed over me. He was deeper than any lover of mine had ever been. I could feel every vein of his massive cock straining against my inner walls as he thrusted, slow and hard. He tugged my hair so my torso rose and he pressed his chest against my back. He reached one hand down and started circling my swollen clit again. I could feel him pulsing and twitching inside me. His growls in my ear turned to whines and whimpers as he chased down a climax for the both of us. My own moans mixed with his in a beautiful chorus of agonizing bliss. Just as I tipped over the edge, Abdirak's hips stuttered and he threw his head back with a loud cry. He spilled himself into me, thrusting hard and fast, then falling out of my pussy and shooting wave after wave of cum onto his pillows and headboard. His hips still bucked against my ass as he came. My own orgasm subsided and he held me tightly to his chest.

"Oh, you are perfect!" he cried. I was sure the entire chapel heard his scream, and I silently hoped they did. Abdirak was mine. All mine. His arms finally fell away from me and I pulled the ruined pillows from the bed. I laid down on the untainted ones and pulled him down with me. He nestled into my neck and sucked at it, trying to leave hickeys and marks to let the world know I was spoken for. Then he pulled me in to his chest again and pulled the soft, warm blanket of his bed over us. He inhaled my scent as if it were the air he needed to breathe.

We stayed there a while, laying in each others arms and enjoying the feeling of one another. He stroked a hand gently down my arm and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"How long will you be here visiting?" Abdirak asked. Did he think I would leave so soon?

"If I'm honest," I sighed, "I was planning to move to Waterdeep. A few of my friends are here and Baldur's Gate holds too many bad memories." His grip on me tightened.

"Stay with me," he insisted. "Please. Never leave me again. I survived your absence once. I never want to be forced to live without you again." I smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to his stubbly jaw. The stubble was new. He was cleanshaven the last time we met. I made the decision that I didn't want to miss any more changes in Abdirak. I wanted to be there for all of them. Everything, forever.

 

"I will stay for as long as you will have me then."

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