Chapter Text
The blistering heat of Pride reminded Dave of the Texan summer heat back from when he was still alive. The familiarity of it all was probably part of the reason he adjusted to being both dead and in Hell so well. At the end of the day, he was still existing in some shitty big city that smelled like sweat surrounded by a bunch of weirdos who wouldn't look at him twice when he walked down the sidewalk. Sure, his hair was more akin to feathers than individual strands nowadays, but Dave certainly wasn't the strangest looking creature out and about—even on a quiet day.
He probably would have spent a relatively quiet eternity in the afterlife if he hadn't met John Egbert.
Demons as a whole—although Dave wasn't entirely sure if Sinners counted as demons, and he didn't have anyone reputable around he felt he could ask without getting ridiculed—weren't the friendliest creatures, but his now best friend-turned-new-roommate was clearly an exception to the rule. It seemed like every day he had a new story about befriending someone he really had no business befriending. He seemed to collect people, starting with Dave and their other two roommates and going from there with no intention of stopping.
As if on cue, Dave's phone buzzed.
TT: This is a formal warning that we have several guests over at the moment.
Dave frowned.
TG: new or repeat guests
TG: or both thats happened before
TG: im assuming egbert is the culprit and im electing to cut the whole pretend guessing game on who brought a bunch of randos into our shitty apartment out of the conversation preemptively
TT: You would have won that guessing game, though. And I believe they're all new to *us* at least, unless you've been rubbing elbows in places you haven't told me about.
TG: what does that even mean rose
TG: who the fuck is in our apartment
TG: im literally in sweatpants and a tshirt so i hope john isn't trying to make us make an impression on some bigwigs
TG: i know he has grand aspirations for his afterlife or whatever
TG: fame and fortune and all that related bs
TG: but damn couldnt he have given a bro some notice
TG: i couldve packed a suit to change into after sweeping up hellhound fur all morning at the gym
TG: my pants look like a furby took a nap on them and then spontaneously combusted
TG: two dead eight missing and fifteen injured
TG: a goddamn tragedy is what that is
TT: You'll just have to see for yourself, Dave.
TG: why must you always be so fucking cryptic
TG: i know it's your signature lalonde brand of flighty-broadness but cmon
TG: youre like one of those shitty mechanical fortune tellers at carnivals who spit out the little business cards with a nonsense phrase thats supposed to be meaningful but actually only serves as some lazy proxy to get people to think fate is supporting something they already expected was going to happen
TG: "tomorrow is a new day" thats a fact not a fortune of course tomorrow is a new day
TG: duh thats how time works
TG: "a change is coming" also a goddamn fact because literally nothing is exactly the same every single day
TG: do you think lulu world has those machines
TG: actually no probably not but loo loo land absolutely the fuck does
TG: sucks that we can't go but i feel like that shithole would be hilariously ironic to run around with how much of an obvious ripoff it is
TG: thats gotta be our true eternal punishment
TG: being robbed of experiencing the pinnacle of ironic copywrite infringement
Dave let himself get sucked into responding to Rose and collided with another pedestrian. He fumbled his phone slightly and turned to apologize, but he did a double take before he got the words out. The man he ran into was tall and wiry, with a head of ruffled feathers that reminded Dave of the pigeons that would crowd outside the restaurants back in Houston. The most striking thing is that Dave nearly mistook him for a member of the Goetia family, but he was dressed like a regular sinner with a facemask pulled over his mouth.
He brushed the thought away. If his own mouth were covered, Dave probably also looked like a member of Hell royalty.
"Watch where the fuck you're going, dickhead."
"Sorry, man." Dave turned away from the stranger and pocketed his phone.
No way he was a Goetia with that low voice and language usage. Dave put the interaction out of his mind.
In an attempt to procrastinate on meeting whoever John got his gelatinous hands on, Dave stepped into a coffee shop that was on his route back from work. He grinned despite himself at a familiar hellhound loading up a couple drink carriers at the counter.
"Thanks, Aradia. You're a lifesaver for making these so quickly."
The imp behind the counter waved with a grin. "Anytime, Jade. I hope these guests of yours don't cause you any trouble."
"I hope not."
"Between that comment and Rose's inability to give me a straight answer, I'm starting to wonder who the fuck John invited over." Dave reached down to grab one of the drink carriers before Jade could attempt to balance them both. "Can I get a cold brew, Aradia?"
"Sure!"
Jade rolled her eyes but offered her thanks for Dave's help. "Figures Rose wouldn't give you the whole rundown."
"Do you know them? What's the deal?"
Jade flicked her tail behind her. "You know how John's been trying to open that comedy club for the past couple months?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well! He was out scouting places earlier today and ran into someone looking at the same venue."
"Typical John." Dave thanked Aradia when she brought out his drink and passed her the cash before filling one of the two open slots in the drink carrier with his cup. "So that's who's over?"
Jade nodded. "It's her plus her two advisors. Apparently John is trying to strike a deal with her to run the place she's looking to open, especially since he doesn't have the funds to actually buy right now."
"Cool. So who is this chick?"
"That's the thing. She's a Goetia."
Dave nearly dropped the coffees. "Okay, fuck. I'll give it to Egbert. He's got some balls."
"Right?" Jade laughed a little. "But if this works out, it could be good for all of us I think."
"All of us?"
"Yeah! She's apparently looking to open some sort of bar, and John's trying to swing it so that all of us can work there. I know both you and Rose hate your jobs."
Dave only responded with a disgruntled noise as he held the door to their building open for her. She wasn't wrong, but there was nothing wrong with doing a shitty job for decent pay. He wondered what John had in mind for him to do.
Jade clearly took the sound as agreement as she kept talking. "It could be fun! Plus with a Goetia on our side, we could start making more money and get a better apartment and maybe move up in the world a little."
"It could be interesting. Although I'm skeptical myself. Why would someone like that give a shit about any of us? Plus I don't see anything wrong with staying right where I am."
"You'll come around to the idea, Dave. I think I know you well enough to tell that you like the idea of people knowing your name."
Dave decided not to correct her. Again, Jade wasn't exactly wrong. He wouldn't mind being famous, but he'd like to get there on his own. Otherwise, he didn't feel like he deserved it. A manufactured fame felt cheapened somehow.
Jade opened the door to their apartment to reveal the sound of harsh laughter. John and Rose were sitting on some chairs across from a member of the Goetia with vibrant blue feathers and dressed in a long tailcoat in the center of their couch. Her headfeathers flopped over one eye, and the gleam in the visible one made her immediately seem dangerous. Beside her sat a female shark in a pair of bright red sunglasses and a relatively demure looking succubus. Dave almost missed him, but there was also a rather timid looking imp standing behind the trio with what looked like mechanical legs beneath his pantaloons.
It was jarring to see the obvious nobility in the middle of their shitty rundown living room.
The shark prodded at John's gooey thigh. "When you said you were a comedian, I didn't expect you to actually be funny."
"What did I tell you, Terezi. I always have impeccable taste. I think John and his friends will fit the roles I need very nicely."
"Speaking of." Rose smiled, but Dave immediately recognized it as the expression Rose wore when she was getting her way when executing some sort of plan.
Jade scurried into the kitchen to set the drink carrier down and began passing out the cups. Dave wordlessly followed her lead, wary of the individuals in the room. The fact that Jade was acting like some sort of maid said enough about the amount of influence these individuals had. Dave hadn't spent a lot of time figuring out the politics of Hell since he died, but even he knew that the Goetia were big deals and hellhounds were very much their underlings in comparison. Jade's behavior was usually a pretty good measure to gauge how he should react to something.
"Miss Vriska, this is Dave Strider. He's the guy I was telling you about who's really good with both music and a sword. Dave, Miss Vriska Serket." John pulled him down to sit on the arm of his chair as he tried to help Jade out.
He may look like he's made of some sort of ooze, but luckily he didn't leave sticky handprints everywhere. Dave rubbed his arm where John's hand was. His hands were still cold, though. He wondered passively why Vriska needed to know he knew how to sword fight.
"Sup." Dave winced behind his shades as John elbowed him gently. "It's, uh, nice to meet y'all."
"Mr. Strider." Vriska eyed him up and down before gesturing to the other two women. "This is my advisor Terezi Pyrope, and my personal assistant Kanaya Maryam."
Dave nodded, noting that she intentionally did not introduce the imp.
They sat through several grueling minutes of small talk and invasive questions with Jade eventually coming over to lean on the back of Rose's chair. Dave shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but he did his best to remain stoic through the conversation. Everything about Vriska screamed danger. Danger he could handle, but the unnerving energy she brought to the room was so palpable he was surprised even John didn't seem to notice.
The regal bluebird was a stark contrast against the peeling beige wallpaper.
The Loan Shark—Terezi, the Goetia called her—turned her nose towards him and sniffed. A quiet grin spread across her face, and Dave tried not to visibly react.
"Well, I think you've answered all my questions, John. Clearly you're made of some very special stuff." Vriska swiftly stood, towering over the rest of them. "We'll be in touch once the deed is in my possession."
With that, the group of visitors headed out as if they had only casually dropped by. Dave watched as Rose's eyes lingered on the succubus before nearly jumping out of his skin because he felt a cold, rough tongue swipe along the back his neck. The loan shark cackled as she followed her boss out the door.
"See ya, cool kid."
"Bye! Text me!" John grinned his endearing little buck-toothed grin and shut the door.
"Okay Eg-dork, what the fuck was that about?" Dave raised his eyebrows over the top of his shades so that John knew he wasn't fucking around.
John wrapped his arms around both Dave and Rose's shoulders. "That, my dear friends, was opportunity giving us an opening."
Somehow, that didn't inspire a whole lot of confidence.