Chapter Text
February, 2022
I never believed in fate. My life had always been built around practical things...tangible things. Things that I could rely on. To believe that there was some outside force that governed our existence was a silly notion. A load of bullshit that didn't make any sense. If that was the case, then why live? Why make any effort if the outcome was already predetermined?
Those thoughts churned through my head as I woke up one morning having dreamed of a girl I hadn't seen in almost four years. Our meeting was brief and I can scarcely remember the fine details of her face, yet those feelings I felt at that time have not only persisted, but have gotten stronger. I couldn't understand what it was about her that I found so intriguing.
The subtle lines of her face, her full lips, pale skin, brown hair, and the suppleness of her body captivated me completely. Truthfully, I had no idea what she looked like currently as time has a way of twisting our thoughts and blinding us in the light of nostalgia in absence of information. I had no idea if what I was remembering was true or if it was a figment of my imagination. All I knew at that time was that this girl, whose name I didn't even know, haunted me.
As I gazed at the ceiling in the dark, I heard someone ask in a muted tone, "Hey, are you okay?"
I closed my eyes and tried to push the strange woman out of my mind. "Yeah, I'm okay. Go back to sleep."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. It's just this new project I'm working on," I lied.
There was a soft nod into my shoulder as an arm sloppily draped across my stomach.
I couldn't fight this feeling of guilt that washed over me as I continued to lay silently next to a woman I knew I wasn't in love with until I eventually drifted off into an uneasy slumber. In the back of my mind, I hoped that I would never have that dream again, but I knew, deep down, the very thought was futile.
* * * * * * * * * *
"How long has it been, Ekko?"
"A couple of years, at least," I responded.
"What brings you back to Hell's Kitchen?"
I grabbed a seat at the bar and put my backpack on the floor next to me. "I was feeling a bit nostalgic."
"Oh, those uptown joints aren't enough for ya, eh?"
"Seems that way," I said with a sly smirk.
"Well, it's good to see ya. How long has it been? Two, three years?"
"Something like that. How's business?"
He paused to give instructions to one of the waitstaff. "Can't complain, really. I'm glad COVID is basically over with."
Considering I was still wearing my mask, I guess I wasn't convinced. "Well, I'll stay masked up just a little while longer, but I'm glad to see you're doing well."
"Thanks. How about you? You come waltzing back in here after almost three years and ain't got nothing to say for yourself?"
I scoffed, despite myself, then laughed at how foolish that seemed. "Nothing changed for me except the day-to-day. I'm still designing buildings and still have a shitty love life. You know how it is, Ron."
He laughed then came over and patted me on the shoulder. "Dude, I thought you'd be shacked up by now. Weren't you going out with...with...what's her name? Sharon, that's it. I thought you two were supposed to be 'in love'?"
It was my turn to laugh. Sharon and I broke up a year ago after she got upset that I wouldn't marry her. She accused me of not being there for her emotionally and looking back, that was probably true. If I was being honest with myself, I've been in a rut for a couple of years at this point and my relationship with Sharon paid the price.
"I guess we weren't," I said finally.
"Don't wanna talk about it, eh? Must have been one helluva breakup," Ron said as he cleaned the counter. "Honestly, I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out. Neither one of us is getting any younger."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Aren't you married already? Don't you have kids?"
He began to laugh in the sarcastic way he did. "Sure, but that doesn't change the fact. So are you gonna sit there and chat with me all day or are you gonna order?"
"I'll take the usual," I said casually. "I wonder if you even remember what that is..."
He huffed and then shooed me away before heading to the back. When he returned, he said, "I'll see if you remember. I don't want to hear any crap about I didn't get you the right thing."
"Alright, I won't say a thing if you get it wrong."
That was enough to get both of us laughing. The feeling of being normal was rather foreign to me then. My life had been rather boring and I couldn't shake this need to find this girl I hadn't seen in years. Made worse by the fact I knew absolutely nothing about her.
After I had finished my meal, I was preparing to pay when Ron stopped me. "It's on the house, kid. I'm not sure what it is about you, but you seem like you're having problems. I don't want to pry, alright. So take a free meal and take care of yourself."
I shook my head, then placed my credit card on the counter. "I'm fine, Ron. Don't worry about me. These days I'm just a little bored. It's nothing more than that."
Coolly, Ron slid my card back to me. "I'm running things here and I say you don't have to pay...for whatever reason. If you really feel bad about it, then remember me when Christmas comes this year."
I couldn't help but sigh as I picked up my credit card and placed it back in my wallet. I'd known Ron long enough to know he wouldn't back down once he'd made up his mind. "Thanks," I said.
"Don't mention it."
With a nod, I started walking out of Westway Diner, but before I hit the door, I asked, "Hey, do you remember the fire on West 49th Street a few years back?"
"Who could forget it? It was all over the news."
"Yeah, do you know any of the families that were affected by that fire?"
"Not really."
I sighed again, then waved on my out. "Thanks, Ron. I'll see you around."
"Yeah, hopefully sooner than another three years."
"I can't make any promises," I said with a smile.
It was cold and the biting wind reminded me to bundle up before I began walking to the old apartment building on West 49th Street. It was the reason I was in the neighborhood. I had parked a block away and could have driven to the old place, but for some reason, I had the urge to walk. Let's not even question the fact that it was just below fifty degrees out there. A brisk walk would definitely do me good.
West 49th was a bit far, so I steeled my nerves, double-checked my scarf, and headed out. It had been years since I had been in Hell's Kitchen. After the fire, I had told myself I'd never go back. Yet, here I was, over three years later, walking to the place I had worked so hard to forget. Only it was difficult to purge an event that had hit me so hard. That had threatened to ruin my career and had cost the lives of three families.
Back then, I worked for a company that built and remodeled buildings around the city. Though, we also dabbled in projects throughout the state from time to time. I was an engineer by trade, but had taken up architecture as a way to fulfill my passion for art while still retaining my engineering roots. Because I was a stickler for details, I had taken it upon myself to inspect different properties to make sure my designs were followed correctly and to make sure everything was up to code. I took every project seriously.
The project was a residential building for middle-income families. We had built several condos in upper-class areas and after an agreement with the State, we were commissioned to work on more affordable condos. I was ecstatic at the proposition of doing something good for the community and that fed my desire to do the best job we could with the budget we had.
Unfortunately, there were people on the inside who had no intention of completing the project properly, leading to severe budget cuts. I protested constantly, but the powers that be held that they were working under the constraints of the contract and refused to budge or release more funds. I began to get worried about whether or not we could complete the project at all, but, to my surprise, we managed.
At least I thought we had.
I shook my head at the thought. There wasn't any reason to fall down that rabbit hole again. I had managed to get out from under that business and even started my own design and architecture company. I was doing better work and living a better life than back then. I should be happy...and I was. What else could I possibly want out of life? I hadn't even reached that ripe old age of thirty.
A long sigh escaped me as I closed in on the old condo building. I don't know what I expected to see, but it shocked me, nevertheless. The facade had been completely redone, the glass doors at the front entrance had been replaced, and the building had been renamed. I almost didn't recognize it, but upon closer inspection, the bones of the old building still lingered, no matter how much they tried to cover it up.
I swallowed hard, doing my best to steel my nerves against the onslaught of emotions and painful memories that lurked underneath the surface. There was no doubt this was a painful chapter in my life made even worse by the fact I couldn't do anything about it. Everything was completely out of my hands and that was the point that sunk me to the depths. It made me feel helpless and, in truth, I was helpless.
The walk to the old building didn't help me as much as I thought it would. I thought the cold air and the relaxing atmosphere would calm my nerves, but as I stared at the front entrance, that old ominous feeling chewed away at me. I wasn't even sure what I was doing there in the first place.
After almost a minute of standing in front of the double glass doors, I balled my fists in determination and entered. The lobby was completely redesigned, a lot lighter and sterile than I had colored it originally. Most of the personality had been stripped out and what was left was a bland swath of white and beige meshed together. The changes to furniture placement, colors, pillar arrangement, and even size stirred the emotions in my gut. I couldn't decide if I was angry, sad, or disappointed.
Once I was inside, I heard someone ask, "Can I help you?"
I turned to see a short security person standing against the wall to my right. "I'm sorry?" I responded, feigning ignorance.
"You don't look like a tenant. Could I help you with something?"
"Oh. I'm only visiting."
"If that's the case, then I'll have to ask you to leave. We don't allow loitering in the lobby."
"Actually," I said quickly, "I have a couple of questions for you."
He frowned and straightened himself with his hands in his jacket pockets. "I can't really answer any questions for you, either."
I realized that this security guard wasn't going to be as forthcoming as I had expected, so I decided to change tactics. "Ahem, I actually designed this lobby and the whole building rework. I'm here to inspect the changes."
"Oh really?" he asked sarcastically.
Without missing a beat, I reached into my coat pocket and produced a business card. His eyes widened and that seemed to lower his guard. "I'm with Firelight Architects. I'm just here to get a feel for the place."
"Uh, do you have your keycard?"
"I left it at home, but I didn't have any desire to enter the main floors today. I didn't even realize I needed it for this."
He seemed to consider my excuse for a moment, then nodded as if he had made some resolution in his head. "It's okay, man. Feel free to look around the lobby. I don't see any harm in that."
"Thanks," I said, before casually turning my attention towards the lobby itself. I wasn't too interested in its design anymore as the thought of it made me feel terrible. Instead, I wandered the area freely while taking pictures of various areas with my phone. Of course, I didn't need the pictures, but if I was going to get what I wanted, I had to sell my reasoning for being there.
As I wandered around, I heard behind me, "So the powers that be are gonna remodel this place?"
I nodded to myself. "They're doing a cost analysis. What that means in the end we'll never know."
The security guard chuckled briefly. "Knowing how cheap those bastards are, I'd be surprised if they'd even provide money to fix anything, either. They pretty much leave much of the details to the HoA."
"That sounds about right. In any case, we'll see what happens." I paused, closed my phone, and then asked, "A shame about that fire a few years ago."
"Yeah. I wasn't here when it happened, but I remember reading about it in the Times and I started working here when they started reconstruction. Most of the main work had been done already."
"A lot was going on back then and then there was that investigation that happened afterwards."
"I feel bad for the families that were killed, ya know? Crazy times, man," he said solemnly. I could tell there was genuine compassion in his voice.
I turned and approached him after putting my phone back in my pocket. "I didn't know any of the people who died. I had only visited the building a few times before it happened. The only person I remember meeting was this strange girl with brown hair and long ponytails. I saw her a couple of times in the lobby, but I have no idea what happened to her after that."
He adjusted himself briefly, then rolled his eyes upwards in contemplation before saying, "That doesn't sound like anyone I recognize. Perhaps she moved after the fire. I was told that more than half of the tenants didn't return after construction was finished. Totally possible that girl didn't come back after that."
"Quite possible. I probably should have gotten to know more people back then."
He laughed, then greeted a resident who entered and walked towards the elevator. "Don't beat yourself up over it," he said. "No one would expect one of the architects to mingle the schlubs who live here."
"I suppose you're right. Anyway, I got what I came for, so I'll be heading out."
"Yeah, nice to meet you. I hope you guys decide to liven things up in here," he said as he opened the door to let me out.
"We'll see how it goes." I waved to him as I left the building.
As I walked back to my car, I couldn't help but feel like the whole trip was a waste of time. I guess I didn't know what I should have expected and I kicked myself for having any expectations at all.
Was I looking for that girl?
I had to be. That was the only reason for me to dredge up a part of my past I didn't want to deal with. Without knowing her name, how old she was, or anything else about her, I was shooting blind. Why the hell was I even looking for her in the first place? What would she say if I saw her? Hell, what would I say?
I flopped down on a bench in front of the parking garage where my car was parked and stared up at the sky. I had no idea what I was looking for in those dreary clouds. Reluctantly, I drug myself to my car, cursed myself for being dumb, and drove home.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I had no idea and couldn't shake this urge to meet this woman again whom I only met once and only for forty-five minutes. It was futile. I knew it, but I couldn't convince myself to let it rest.
* * * * * * * * * *
March, 2018
"What are you doing?" a female voice asked from behind him.
"I'm inspecting the building," he said after throwing her a brief sideways glance.
"You're a building inspector?"
He cracked a flat smile and then said, "No. I'm one of the designers. I'm just making sure everything is fine."
"Isn't it a little late to be doing that, considering people have already moved in?"
"Probably, but I didn't have much say in when units would be available to the public."
She got up from the couch she was sprawled on and walked over to him as he peered into one of the crawlspaces. "You going in there?" she asked after taking a quick lick of the sucker she was nursing.
"Later. Right now I'm just doing a preliminary check."
"Aren't you a little young to be an architect? I thought you guys were old men?"
For some reason, he couldn't contain his laughter, causing him to turn around to look at the girl directly. "Not all of us...thankfully."
There was a brief moment of silence, interrupted by the girl who said, "That look you have going on works for you."
"Thanks. What's with the braids?"
"I hate cutting my hair. Is that strange?" she asked while giggling.
"I would imagine braiding your hair would be more of a pain, but that's just me."
"Is that why your hair is so short? Don't like the upkeep?"
"Nah, I like to change things up every now and then."
She smiled and leaned on the wall next to him. "I should probably do that, too. I don't know how I feel about cutting my hair, though. You think I should cut it?"
"Why ask me? You don't even know me."
She clicked her tongue followed by excessive eye-rolling. "What difference does that make? If I didn't want your opinion I wouldn't have asked."
Ekko stared at her curiously, shrugged, then signaled he was headed into the hallway. "I'm not qualified to give advice like that."
Unexpectedly, the girl followed him into the electrical closet and stood patiently behind him. "You're not qualified even if someone asks you for your opinion?"
"I don't think my opinion matters, besides, don't you hate cutting your hair?"
"Yeah, I do. But you like changing things up, right? I'm just thinking I should do that, too."
"That's an odd conclusion to come to when you've just met someone, don't you think?"
"I don't think so. Like, if you asked me, I'd tell you that you'd probably look cool with longer hair. Dreads maybe?"
"Dreads, eh? I'll think about it."
She giggled. "It's only a suggestion. You don't need to change anything, though."
"I'm glad you think so."
* * * * * * * * * *
March, 2022
The next couple of weeks were spent doing nothing in particular. My presence was needed at work and I found getting lost in new designs better than drowning in old memories that were effectively strangling me. Was it possible for memories to strangle someone? Frequently, I would wake up in the middle of the night with this one image of a woman I barely knew stuck in my head. It didn't make any sense and the whole thing felt ridiculous.
In the back of my mind, I wondered if I should tell someone about my troubles. The problem was I was unsure who to even tell. There was no way anyone would believe I was sane. I was starting to think I wasn't and I judged myself so harshly, it was guaranteed others would, too.
I entered my condo one day, threw my keys on the island, and plunged headlong into the couch with my arm limply hanging over the edge. I needed closure, because without it I was hurting myself. There wasn't any possible way for me to be happy or at least content. My friends constantly beat me on my head about how I should be happy, because theoretically, I had everything I wanted.
That was the question, though. Did I have everything I wanted?
I didn't know.
Somehow I passed out on the sofa and didn't wake up until I heard the doorbell. It was fully dark outside illuminating the amazing view of Manhattan from my Williamsburg condo. The view was so incredible, that I usually kept the blinds open to absorb the beautiful New York City skyline. One of the reasons I chose the condo to begin with.
Groggily, I got up and peeped through the keyhole to see Sharon waiting in front of my door. I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose, because I knew I was in for a headache and I wasn't in the mood for her silliness. As many times as I had tried to break it off with her, she always found her way back into my life. It was getting to the point where she wouldn't see other guys and was obviously banking on the idea that I would take her back permanently. Considering the state I was in, that was impossible. We were to be married at one point in time and as much as I didn't want to be with her, I also didn't want to hurt her.
I reluctantly opened the door allowing Sharon to stroll in without even looking at me directly. She tossed her backpack on the stool at the island, then went to my fridge to grab a root beer. "I called you earlier, but you didn't answer," she said as she popped open the can.
I put my hands in my pants pockets and leaned on a nearby wall. "Wouldn't that give you a hint that I may be busy?"
"Nah. Since when are you busy at...," she looked down at her watch, "...eight fifteen at night?"
"I could be."
"Please. I think Mom pegged you correctly. A pure creature of habit."
I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. "Shouldn't you be at home right now?"
"I should be, but I thought we could spend the night together. You seem a little down these days."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
She scoffed before taking a sip of her drink. "I have to worry about you, otherwise no one else will."
"I doubt that. Why don't you go home? You see I'm okay, so there's no reason to drag us both through this right now."
"Drag us through what? Yeah, yeah, you've said the same thing for the last couple of years, and yet we keep sleeping together. Shouldn't that tell you something?"
"Yeah, it tells me that I need a girlfriend," I said dejectedly.
"No, what you need to do is accept that you're not getting rid of me easily. Even if you're playing hard to get."
"I'm not playing hard to get, Sher. I was serious about putting some distance between us. Nothing good can come from what we're doing now. You have to know that."
Sharon walked over and leaned into me, placing her head on my shoulder. "What if...," she started in a low tone. "...what if I couldn't run away and what if you weren't giving me any real reasons to go?"
I reached down and stroked her black hair as I peered into her captivating brown eyes. She was beautiful, that was never a problem between us. We grew up in the same social circles and she understood what it was like to live life at the bottom. I clawed my way up through college and through that, we shared a common baseline. From there, she was into design, even if her main field was cooking. She had a love for gardening and always told me she was available whenever I needed her.
Any other person would say I was lucky. I think she loved me. Though, some days I felt like she was in love with the idea of me more than the person. If she was around her friends, then I was generally an afterthought. She would lose herself in her work for days without contacting me at all, then show up one day and expect me to drop everything for her. I suppose she would have done the same for me, but I couldn't shake this feeling she wasn't being completely sincere and I didn't want to find out my impression of her was wrong.
"I've given you plenty of reasons. Don't make this harder than it has to be. Please," I pleaded and hoped she heard me. Unfortunately, everything I said always went through one ear and out the other. I was trapped and no matter how many times I tried to escape, I'd get roped back in.
What would it take?
She reached up and kissed me on the cheek. "Perhaps your reasons aren't good enough..."
There wasn't anything else to say to that, because I knew there would be no getting rid of her. So I put on my best smile and prepared myself to make her comfortable for the rest of the night. Deep down, I kept coming to the image of the girl from Hell's Kitchen. I wondered what she was doing right then and as the thought tugged at my heart, I realized that I was destined to be stuck unless I found the courage to put my mind at ease.
I would find her and for better or worse I'd see it through until the end, no matter what it took.
* * * * * * * * * *
March, 2018
"Why have you been following me around for the last thirty minutes? Don't you have other things to do?"
"I don't. You seem like a nice guy and you've been fun to hang around. Besides, a girl can't spend time with a new friend?" she asked with her hands on her hips.
"I guess there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't think I was doing anything all that interesting, to be honest," Ekko said.
"Don't get many new people around here, so it's good to see a new face, you know?"
"That makes sense. I do have to finish my business, so as nice as it is to have you around, I'm going to have to cut our conversation short."
She sighed, then began playing with one of her braids. "Is that what you do with all of the girls?"
Ekko chuckled despite himself. "You mean girls that follow me around when I'm trying to work?"
"Well, there's that. Besides, you never answered my question."
"Which question?"
"The one about whether I should cut my hair."
"Did you want to cut your hair?"
"That's what I asked you. I wanted your opinion. Why are you being so evasive?"
"You want me to give you a suggestion when we've only known each other for not even an hour and you told me you hated cutting it. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"
She pouted and slapped him on the shoulder. "Oh, come on. Don't be a shithead, okay? I thought we had something going here."
Ekko returned his gaze towards her with his head tilted curiously. "We do?" he asked playfully.
The girl laughed. "Ha, ha! You're an asshole, you know that?"
"I didn't, but thanks for letting me know," he said bowing.
She returned the bow and said, "You're welcome."
He returned dutifully to his task as the girl stood patiently and silently behind him. Once he was done, he put his tools back into his pack and tossed his gloves into the trash. "I'm done for right now."
"You're leaving?"
"Yeah, I have to head back. If you're around when I swing by next time, we can talk again."
"You're coming back?"
"I think so, there are a few things I still need to confirm."
She offered him a wide smile and said, "Okay then. I'll hold you to it."
He headed to the exit, but before he reached the door, he turned to the girl who was still nearby and asked, "What's your name?"
Wistfully, she strolled up to him and with a sly smirk answered, "I won't tell you."
Ekko's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, I thought we had something going?"
She ran her finger down his chest and said, "Oh, we do, but...you haven't earned it yet"
On that note, she twirled gleefully, winked at him, and then walked to the elevator. He stared at her until the elevator arrived and she meekly waved at him, biting her bottom lip as her beautiful blue eyes locked with his. When the door closed, he released the breath he didn't know he was holding and walked back to his car.
There was this feeling in his heart that he couldn't shake for days afterwards.
* * * * * * * * * *
April, 2022
With my determination aflame, I began to wait in the parking garage across the street from the condo building hoping that I'd catch a glimpse of her entering or leaving. It was a long shot and after a couple of weeks of observing at different times of the day and random days of the week, I had come up empty.
I had even taken it upon myself to start random conversations with people who lived there in hopes of finding anyone who knew who she was. Even that didn't produce any results. I did find someone who recognized her, but she had no idea what her name was or what unit she lived in. Ultimately, I was back to square one and without a lead to follow.
To say I was miserable and at my wit's end would have been an understatement. I didn't know what I was doing and my frustration had begun to alienate the people at the office and it was getting harder to avoid acknowledging I had a problem.
Again, I kept coming back to Hell's Kitchen hoping beyond hope I'd find her, but after weeks of searching, I began to give up hope. If she moved, she could have been anywhere in the world. What were the odds that she'd be in the area? There were so many things I didn't know about her and I began to appreciate how difficult it was to find someone against insurmountable odds.
I don't believe in fate or destiny, but I hoped that through some miracle I'd be given at least a hint or a clue so I could point myself in the right direction. Anything had to be better than spinning my wheels.
One evening, I hadn't had much luck waiting in the parking garage and I decided to take a walk to clear my head and to blow off some steam. That night was cold and rainy but I was so irritated I didn't care. On those nights, I wandered aimlessly through the city, which probably wasn't the best considering the area I was in.
My wandering took me to the Salvation Army on West 46th. It was getting dark and the rain wasn't letting up. Not sure why, but I stepped into the store, mainly to warm up, but mostly to get out of the miserable weather. I didn't bring an umbrella, because I forgot to check the forecast for the day. It wasn't like me to be so absent-minded, but that should give a good indication of what my mental state was at that point in time.
When I entered, it wasn't busy since they were getting ready to close. There wasn't anything I was interested in, but the goal was to kill time so I tried to be as inconspicuous as I could. The way the shop clerk was eyeing the four of us in the store, I figured they were expecting one or all of us to walk out with something we weren't gonna pay for.
It was then, that I spotted a woman in one of the corners of the store mainly keeping to herself. She had matted short blue hair and didn't appear to be all that tall. It was obvious she was homeless as her clothes looked like they hadn't been washed in weeks. I had ignored her initially, but there was something about her profile that seemed familiar.
Eventually, the shop owner informed the last few stragglers they were closing for the night and began to escort us out of the building. As we all made for the door, I finally made eye contact with the blue-haired woman. What I saw shocked me. She resembled my quarry in strikingly familiar ways: the curve of her chin, large blue eyes, height, and full lips were an almost perfect match. There was no way I'd ever forget her. I couldn't believe it, the girl I had been searching for all of this time was literally within arm's length.
I quickened my pace to get closer to her and I suppose I could have yelled, but it didn't seem appropriate to make a scene when people were visibly on edge. So I bided my time and waited until we were outside on the sidewalk before I called out to her.
"Hey!" I called as calmly as I could.
The girl continued walking, so I called again. No answer. Maybe it was bad form, but I didn't care at the time; I ran up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and it was then I could see the fear in her eyes along with something else I couldn't put my finger on. She violently shirked away from me and started running.
I wasn't sure what to do and instinctively yelled, "Wait! Come back!"
She didn't stop and never looked back. What was there to do but follow? And that's what I did. I ran after her, but she already had a head start and it was dark.
We ran down the block until we reached 10th Ave. I saw her round the corner, but when I reached the corner I realized I had lost her. I cursed myself, then walked south hoping that I could catch a glimpse of her, to no avail. It wasn't until I doubled back that I saw her streak back down West 46th. When I reached the middle of the block, it dawned on me that I had lost her once again.
Based on location and or general surroundings, I figured she had to be around in the area still. Perhaps she was hiding, so I decided to do the same.
The evening passed without incident and around eleven, I was about to give up when I caught her crossing the street out of the corner of my eye. She nervously scanned her surroundings before she hopped over a barricade and down into the area where the abandoned train tracks were. Once I knew where she was, I waited until after 1 a.m., then retraced her steps.
Getting over the barricade was awkward, but I managed. It was a bit of a climb down into the abandoned area and once I reached the bottom, I contemplated using the light on my phone only to decide against it to avoid spooking her.
I carefully and cautiously surveyed the area, but it was difficult to get a full view due to how dim the light was. The rational part of me begged for me to leave and head back home...to cut my losses, because she obviously didn't want to see me. However, there was the real possibility she didn't know who I was. Realistically, it had been years since we last saw each other and even then we only talked for an extremely short time.
There was an old service tunnel that the defunct train tracks flowed into. It was fairly dark, but in the distance, I could see a faint light. Slowly, I crept towards what turned out to be a smoldering fire, and huddled against the wall was a small woman who was wrapped snuggly in a couple of well-worn blankets. I couldn't tell if she was sleeping and I debated whether I should wake her if she was. The almost nonexistent light made it difficult to catch my bearings and as I stood there watching her sleep, I decided it was better to leave her and come back later.
What had happened to her? Why was she homeless?
These questions thundered in my head as I walked back to my car. I was both relieved and shocked. On one hand, I had found her...finally. My quest had come to an end. There was no doubt that woman was her; even if her hair was shorter, blue, and unkempt. The delicate lines of her face were still there and I would never forget them.
On the other hand, her circumstances were dire. Where was her family or friends? Was she really alone in the world? I couldn't believe it. There had to be a story and I was determined to find out, but not without gaining her trust first.
I wasn't sure how to approach it, but despite all of the challenges ahead, I was happy. Perhaps it was selfishness. Perhaps it was foolishness. I didn't care which, because in my mind she needed help and I wasn't about to leave someone in such a dire situation. Whatever the reasons, no one deserved to live that way and while I had retreated after our initial engagement, I would do my best to become useful to her going forward. Not just for her benefit, but for mine as well.
As I sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't turn back. The only path was forward and no matter how hard it got, I was committed to her...even if it broke me.