Chapter Text
Year 843
The mission couldn’t have been more of a failure. Countless lives lost, and nothing to show for it. They barely made it outside Wall Maria before the Titans descended. Commander Shadis called for a retreat, but too late. Only Squad Smith returned without casualties, and Erwin credited Levi with that. Their horses trotted through Shiganshina amidst the crowd, only a few hours after they embarked. The people of Shiganshina threw trash at them, and stones. They made their way back to headquarters in a slow funeral march.
This wasn’t the first time their expedition ended in such a way. Levi had been on a few now, and despite his ever-growing kill count, he knew their results left a lot to be desired. They used resources and lost people, and no matter how many Titans he sliced up, more kept coming. Always more.
Once at headquarters, the commander received word that their next expedition was pushed back by several months. Failures stacked up like the bodies they carted home. Erwin argued with Shadis, Levi had heard them through the meeting-room door, and Levi wondered why he bothered. Shadis couldn’t change anything.
Three days after their return, Levi found himself preparing his nightly tea in the company of Miche and Hange. He was still grieving the loss of the only friends he’d ever had, and he hadn’t made any friends since joining the corps. But these two treated him differently than the others. They’d never sneered at his presence there and occasionally Levi even enjoyed their company.
“It’s no use.” Miche said. “They slashed our budget again. We’ll hardly be able to feed the soldiers, let alone mount an expedition.”
“Erwin will think of something.” Hange replied. “He always convinces someone to fund us.”
“Sure, but have you really looked at him lately? He looks worn down.”
Levi couldn’t help but agree. Erwin had bags under his eyes, and he looked like he’d lost weight. But worse - the fire in his eyes seemed to have been dampened by their repeated failures.
“Maybe he just needs to get laid,” Hange said, and Levi could hear mischief in their voice. “What do you think, Levi?”
Levi looked up from the corner where he stood, arms crossed and leaning against the wall. He wasn’t used to being addressed, let alone having his opinion sought by others. But if it wasn’t Erwin seeking, it was Hange.
“ Tch . I think if we keep on like this, they’ll disband the regiment. Too much money being spent on hand-feeding people to titans.”
“Oh they’ve been trying to disband us for years,” Hange waved their hand dismissively. “They’ll keep trying, but Erwin will find a way. He always does. I’m just worried about him. So stressed all the time. Don’t you think he needs to get laid, Levi?”
Levi could tell that Hange was insinuating something. Miche was drinking his ale, pointedly not looking at Levi. These two didn’t sneer at him, sure, but that didn’t mean they were above making fun of him. Whoreson , they probably thought. Street rat from the Underground knows all about these filthy things , they likely said behind his back.
“What the fuck should I know about it?” He snapped. Hange jumped, blinking. They’d teased Levi before, but never gotten quite so strong a reaction. Well, maybe they’ll think twice about doing it from now on.
“Seems we’re all stressed.” Said Miche in that condescending tone of his.
“Levi, I didn’t mean -”
“Shut it, shitty glasses.” Levi said, finishing his tea and moving to the sink. He washed the cup efficiently, his back to them. “If Erwin needs to get laid, I don’t see why he can’t find his way to the brothels like the rest of you.”
As he left the kitchens, he heard Hange still sputtering, “Levi, that’s not what I meant!”
Later, as he bedded down for the night, he considered that maybe he’d been too hard on Hange. The rules above ground were different than what he’d learned below. Often, he’d misstep, say something inappropriate, draw the wrong conclusions. It was hard to learn all the new rules, and even harder to unlearn the old ones. Once, soon after he’d joined, another soldier had intentionally checked Levi’s shoulder in the mess hall. Levi had put him on his ass with a knife to his throat. Just a friendly warning, really. But Shadis had screamed at him, and told Erwin that a feral animal like Levi had no place in the Corps.
Erwin had explained in more patient terms that knives should never be involved in simple disagreements between soldiers, that Levi should leave his knife in his room. Levi acquiesced only because he knew he didn’t really need a knife to take any of these sniveling children.
And so he learned and unlearned, over and over. Perhaps he needed to learn something from his interaction with Hange. They hadn’t been particularly mean in their teasing, and had seemed genuinely remorseful that they could have offended him. It seemed almost like they were asking for advice.
Erwin didn’t visit the brothels, Levi knew. He never took any time off at all, in fact, unless reading in his quarters late at night counted. Maybe Hange was asking Levi - the whoreson - how to - what? Convince Erwin to go to a brothel? Seems Miche would be better at that, he certainly had Erwin’s ear in a man-to-man sort of way. No, Hange had been asking Levi’s advice from the other angle - how to bring a whore to Erwin?
It really wasn’t that difficult, but he’d learned people aboveground were squeamish when it came to the subject of fucking. Squeamish and obsessed, possibly as a result of all that not-talking-about-it. Almost all of the soldiers in the Corps went to the brothels on their leave, it was practically expected. But they didn’t speak openly about it! The strange hypocrisy of it confused Levi at first, and then irritated him. He found it to be so perversely childish.
But he had to concede that that’s what Hange was trying to get at in their roundabout way - how to get Erwin laid, when it would be difficult to convince him of it. Hange wasn’t familiar with these things and so was hoping Levi could lend a hand. Yes, that must be it.
The next morning, he stopped Hange in the hall after breakfast. They’d been sitting with Erwin in the mess hall, so he waited until he could grab them alone.
“Hange.”
“Oh, Levi! Hi! I wanted to say -”
Levi silenced them by holding up his hand. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for being short you yesterday.”
Hange’s eyes lit up, that mischief alive and well. “Oh, I doubt you can really help that .”
Levi glared. Why do I even bother?
He sighed. “I’ll take care of it. I just wanted to let you know.”
Hange blinked. “What?”
“ Erwin . I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to worry about it.”
Levi clapped them on the shoulder and continued on his way. Hange looked confused, but to be fair he’d never been so nice to them before. Hange was quite deranged, Levi thought, but they were growing on him.
Next he made his way to Erwin’s office. Since their expeditions were on hold, he knew he’d be in there, pouring over papers, looking for names of nobles he’d not yet begged for funds. In the coming days he’d take off to beg for those funds in person, so Levi needed to act quickly.
He knocked on Erwin’s door and was granted entry. Erwin’s desk was covered in papers and maps. He was standing, bent over, pen in hand. He rarely sat in his chair while working, Levi had learned. It was still early in the day, but his leather uniform jacket was already slung over his chair, his sleeves rolled up. Stressed, indeed.
He looked up from what he was marking on the map, and his eyes flashed surprise. Levi rarely came to him unless summoned, still growing accustomed to the military etiquette.
“Levi,” He said, straightening up and smiling. “What a pleasant surprise. Here, have a look at this, will you?”
Levi came forward and looked at where Erwin was pointing on the map.
“This is the point of return from the last expedition, but look here -” He trailed his thick fingers down the map. “See how the trees are growing thicker here? I think if we adjust our course just Southwest by two clicks, we’ll have much better terrain in which to use our ODM, yes?”
Levi considered the map and Erwin’s hypothesis. “Likely.” He said. “But more trees means more places for titans to hide.”
“Yes,” Erwin said. “ A calculated risk.”
“Will there even be another expedition?” Levi asked, crossing his arms and falling back into one of Erwin’s chairs. Erwin had the best chairs, as far as Levi was concerned.
Erwin leaned against his desk in front of Levi, propping his boot on the other chair, the way he sometimes did when it was just the two of them. At first, Levi thought it was some kind of show of dominance, this stance, but now thought it was just a casual way Erwin situated himself. He probably sat similarly with Miche and Hange, despite the fact that it did put them awfully close.
“Of course there will be.” He sounded confident. “I’m going to Trost tomorrow to speak with some contacts. Afterwards I’ll likely make my way to the interior and will negotiate for funds there.”
“Tch. Negotiate .” Levi spat. “Beg, more like.”
Erwin leaned in close, his eyes flashing. “Do I really seem like the sort of man to beg to you, Levi?”
Levi considered him with the same indignant disinterest as always. Erwin leaned back.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit this morning, Levi? Did you need something?” He asked, hands folded politely in his lap.
Levi faltered for a moment. Oh yes, he’d come here with a purpose.
“Will you be free this evening, squad leader?” Levi asked him.
Erwin frowned, puzzled by the question. “Yes, I suppose so.” He gestured to his desk. “You’re looking at my plans for the day.”
“Good.” Levi said, standing, as if that settled it. He tugged on his jacket, straightening it. “Be in your quarters, then. At nightfall.”
Erwin was uncharacteristically quiet. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally he said, “Can I ask why?”
“No,” Levi said. “It’s... a surprise.”
Erwin tilted his head, unable to stop the small smile on his face. “A surprise...at nightfall?”
“Yes, Erwin. It’s a...gift, you might say. But this sort of gift requires darkness, and...privacy.”
Erwin was very still, his sharp eyes trying to bore into Levi’s, to figure it out, trying to spoil his surprise, no doubt. Well, Levi wasn’t very accustomed to giving gifts but he certainly wasn’t going to let Erwin ruin the first one he ever gave him. He fixed his face into a plain mask, not wanting to give anything away.
“Just...bathe, will you. Beforehand. Look nice.” The insinuation was that Erwin sometimes did not.
“Of course,” Erwin said quickly. “How should I dress? In my uniform?”
“No, no, civilian clothes are fine. Just... nice .”
Erwin nodded to show he understood, but he still had that sharp look in his eye, watching Levi closely. Which was fair, Levi was usually so much more straightforward than this. He took his leave, bidding Erwin goodbye before he could accidentally give anything away under his scrutiny.
Next, he made his way to town. Shiganshina was only a short ride from the Survey Corps headquarters and it was a rather pleasant ride. It was around midday when he entered the brothel, a strange time to visit such a place. It was dark inside, the sunlight peeking through the dark curtains magnifying the dust in the air. It stank of sweat and ale and... other things. Levi nodded to the doorman, but he was asleep on his stool, head tilted back, mouth open. He made his way to the bar where an older woman was wiping down the counter.
“Bit early, sir. Most of the girls are still sleeping.” The woman said. She was broad like a man with wiry red hair.
“That’s alright. I was hoping to make an appointment for later this evening.”
“Ho ho! An appointment. Busy schedule, soldier?”
“It’s not for me. I’d like to arrange an appointment for someone else.”
She eyed him. “I know you. You’re the little one that can kill all them titans.”
Levi let his silence speak for him.
“Don’t mean no offense, sir. But we hear all the Corps gossip round here. Levi, is it?”
“Yes. But as I said, I’d like to make an appointment for someone else. A squad leader.”
“Who, then?”
“Does it matter?”
“Aye.” She said, pausing in her wiping to look at him straight. “See, some of your squad leaders come in here and drop their money and we thank ‘em for their business. Others come in here and rough up the girls and don’t always want to pay what they owe. So aye, it matters. Especially if you want a girl to go out and meet this squad leader elsewheres than here, and it sounds like you do.”
Levi nodded. “You speak fair, my good woman. The squad leader is Erwin Smith and yes, I’d like to arrange for a girl to come to his room tonight.”
That got her eyebrows raised. “Erwin Smith, you say? Well, he’s never even been in here - much like yourself. Figured he must be sly, but I guess not, huh?”
Levi didn’t know what she meant by that and chose to ignore it. “So can we make a deal?”
She nodded. “Sure. Erwin Smith’s known to be a proper sort. The next Commander, he’ll be, the way I hear it. But since you’re here now, you’ll be responsible - anything happens to my girl, it’ll be on your head.”
“I can assure you, nothing will happen to your girl. Erwin is a gentleman. He’s just...under some pressure. Needs to unwind.”
“Alright, then. Has he got a type?”
Levi thought about it, but he’d never seen Erwin with a woman. Never seen Erwin look at a woman, for that matter. “I really wouldn’t know. Pretty? Clean, if you don’t mind.”
“Course, course.” She thought for a moment, chewing her cheek. “I’ve got a good girl - Delilah. She likes ‘em big and handsome like ‘im. She’s real pretty, has all her teeth. She’ll loosen him up for ya.”
“You’re sure?” Levi asks. Then, earnestly, “This is...a gift. I want him to enjoy it.”
“I can assure you, sir, Delilah’s our best girl.”
They discussed the details of the appointment, Levi agreed to pay her outrageous price for the girl but managed to talk the woman down on the extra cost for the carriage. He didn’t mind, really, he didn’t have anything to spend his soldier’s salary on - meager as it was. The three meals a day and the bed he received from the Corps were all he really needed.
That evening, just before dusk, Levi went out to the gates to wait for the girl. He’d take her to Erwin’s room, maybe have a drink with them to soften the surprise before taking his leave. It seemed the polite thing to do, and Levi wanted to be polite. He wanted to do this right, the way they do these things above ground. Erwin had told him he could come to his room for a drink anytime, out of politeness, Levi assumed, so this was just him taking him up on that offer and bestowing him with a gift. He only wished now that he had enlisted Hange to help pay for it. It was their idea, after all.
A carriage pulled up and the girl stepped out. The madam was correct - she was pretty, this girl. She had long flowing hair - blonde like Erwin’s - and was tall and well-figured. In another life, she could have made a handsome wife to Erwin. They would make a beautiful pair - so tall and blonde and sparkling. She wore a large coat under which Levi could see the skirt of a slick black evening dress.
“You must be Delilah. I’m Levi. Welcome to the Survey Corps Headquarters. Thank you for coming all the way out here.” He gave her a gracious bow.
Delilah smiled and held her hand out for Levi to kiss, like a real lady. “My pleasure, sir.”
Levi kissed her hand, pleased with his choice. A woman like this was perfect for Erwin. She looked more like a noble’s daughter than a whore.
Levi led her inside by the arm, as polite as can be.
“I understand this is a gift for your friend.” She said.
“Yes. He’s under a great deal of stress, you see, and he needs to unwind.”
“You must be a good friend to get him such a nice gift.” She teased, flirting. Levi felt comfortable in her company, as he often did with prostitutes. He’d grown up around them, understood them. It was almost as if the air of disguise in their profession allowed for a deeper sort of honesty.
“I’d like to think so.” He told her. “But it’s a surprise, so forgive him if he’s...unprepared.”
Levi knocked when they reached Erwin’s room. He opened the door rather quickly, smiling down at Levi and then looking at Delilah with polite confusion. As per Levi’s request, he did look nice - his hair was neatly parted, he looked very clean and fresh. He was wearing a good-quality white button-down with the top buttons undone. His black slacks were neatly pressed. He looked - well he looked like he was trying to seduce , Levi thought, like he knew what his surprise was after all.
“Levi,” He said, his practiced smile sliding into place. “Who’s your friend?”
“Erwin, this is Delilah. Delilah, Erwin.”
“ Enchante .” She said, holding out her hand and fluttering her eyelashes at him. She was really quite charming. Erwin, gentleman that he was, kissed her hand and invited them in.
Erwin’s quarters were clean - cleaner than Levi had ever seen them. Nothing was out of place, no shirts strewn over the backs of chairs, no books piling up on dusty surfaces - even the floor had been recently mopped and polished. Hange must have given him a heads up - Erwin seemed much too prepared. Levi was charmed that Erwin would clean so much for a whore. Not many respected the profession so much, but it seemed Erwin held them in high enough regard.
Or maybe he’s just nervous, Levi thought. How cute .
Erwin’s quarters were separated into two areas - one in which he had a small wood burning stove, cupboards, a table and chairs and a neat little couch. Officers were expected to entertain on occasion, after all. The other half was his wardrobe, bed and another door leading to a small washroom. Not bad lodgings, Levi thought, thinking of the barracks he shared with three other men on the other side of the building.
On Erwin’s small table sat a bottle of caramel-colored liquor and two glasses. Erwin noticed this miscalculation and set to correcting it, pulling another glass from the cupboard.
“Can I get you both a drink?” He asked, congenial as ever. Levi could see the strain in his smile though and wondered how long until Erwin asked him to leave so he could be alone with Delilah.
“Please.” Delilah sang, sliding her coat off her shoulders and draping it across the back of a chair. The dress she wore was long and black, low-cut but not too revealing. Still, it wasn’t something a noble’s daughter would wear.
She sat on the couch, long legs crossed, looking quite comfortable as if it was her own room. She had a natural elegance that Levi admired, envied even. Envied ? What a strange thought.
Erwin passed them their drinks. “For the lady.” He said to Delilah. Then he stood and put his hand in his pocket, the other rising to his lips as he took a long sip of his drink.
“To what do I owe this lovely visit?” He asked.
Levi and Delilah shared a look as if to say do you want to do the honors?
“Your friend Levi tells me you’ve been very stressed lately, squad leader.” Delilah began.
Levi downed his drink. No point in drawing it out.
“And he’s asked me here to help you unwind. You’re very lucky to have a friend such as him.”
Levi looked from Delilah to Erwin and found Erwin’s eyes on him.
“Yes, I am.” He said steadily, sipping his liquor and looking at Levi over the glass. Levi guessed that was the closest thing to thanks he would receive from Erwin tonight. He looked - well, he looked uncomfortable. Poor Erwin, no experience with women of the night. He was lucky to have a friend like Levi.
“Well,” Levi said, putting his empty glass on the table. “I had best be off. I bid you both a lovely evening.”
As he made his way to the door, Erwin moved - to walk him to the door? Levi couldn’t tell - Erwin had halted and stood awkwardly. He had a strange look on his face, constipated, concerned...Perhaps he wanted to thank Levi but didn’t want to be rude in front of Delilah? It was really quite charming how awkward Erwin had become in the presence of a whore. Levi decided to put him out of his misery.
“You’re welcome, Erwin.” He said as he opened the door. “Enjoy.”
When Levi started walking down the hall, he realized he didn’t want to go back to the barracks just yet. Maybe it was the drink he’d had. In another life he would have enjoyed having more drinks - maybe with those two in the life where they were married. It was a clear night, maybe there would be stars. He made his way outside.
There was a tree in the front courtyard that Levi had grown fond of. He wandered over to it and leaned against it, looking up and out. The Survey Corps headquarters was remote enough that he could stare out and pretend he didn’t see the wall in the distance. He wanted - well, he wanted to go out. Out there. Erwin would find a way, he’d get someone to give the scouts the funds they needed. It was too important - going out there, finding - something. There would be something. Levi knew Erwin believed it, and that was good enough for him.
He cast his eyes to the sky and thought of Farlan and Isabel, as he always did when he looked at the stars. A feeling had come over him, but he wasn’t very good at recognizing his feelings. He tended to find himself outside looking at the stars when he caught this feeling. For a long time it had been grief, but at some point it had changed, without him really knowing it. He thought of Delilah and Erwin drinking together upstairs and realized the feeling may, in fact, be loneliness.
He was out there staring at the stars and feeling melancholy for less than half an hour when the front doors opened with a creak. Levi turned and was surprised to see Delilah - stepping out in her large coat, lighting a cigarette with a match. She started walking towards the gates and Levi quickly caught up with her.
She turned and looked at him as he approached.
“You’re not getting your money back.” She said, dragging on her cigarette. She seemed a little put out.
“What?” Levi asked.
“I came all the way out here, so you’re not getting your money back.” She crossed her arms, cigarette held delicately between her fingers.
“What happened?”
Delilah sighed. “He’s not buying what I’m selling, honey.”
“No...he’s not, I am. I paid for it, I mean. What happened?”
“He’s sly,” She said, as if that settled it. She looked Levi up and down. “Like you.”
“What does that mean?” The madam had used that word before, but Levi didn’t understand it. It was frustrating - people telling you you’re something but not knowing what that something is.
Delilah looked at her awaiting carriage. She dropped her cigarette into the dirt and ground it out with the toe of her high-heeled shoe.
She cast her eyes up at the building, where most of the windows were dark, but not all. “Why don’t you go and ask him?”
Levi followed her eyes to where she was looking - and sure enough, the light was on in Erwin’s room and his silhouette was taking up most of the window.
Delilah got in her carriage. Before she closed the door she told him, “Good luck.”
Erwin was still standing in the window, watching. Annoyed, Levi stomped down the path to the front doors. He’d go up there and figure out what the big idea was. Did Erwin not appreciate his gift? Had Levi got it wrong? Was it improper to give someone such a gift? Was Erwin too proper to accept it? Was she not his type? That really shouldn’t matter, considering Levi paid good money for it - weren’t you supposed to accept a gift? Wasn’t that the polite thing to do?
There were so many rules, so many customs, above ground. He’d never get them all straight. What had she meant when she said Erwin was sly, like Levi? Did that mean he…wasn’t interested in sex, the way Levi wasn’t interested? That would be quite surprising. Erwin had a...presence, that - and Levi couldn’t quite say why - just seemed sexual, in nature.
When he reached Erwin’s door it swung open without him having to knock. Seemed Erwin had heard him stomping down the hall. He stood there in the doorway, still looking nice and clean but his hair was a little mussed - as if he’d been running his hands through it. He did that sometimes, Levi had noticed, when he was frustrated.
“Levi.” He smiled tightly. “Come in.”
Levi followed Erwin to the couch where the glasses and liquor still sat on the table.
“Drink?” Erwin offered.
Levi nodded, standing there with his arms crossed. He took his drink from Erwin and sat down on the edge of the couch. Erwin sat next to him, taking up most of it with his large body.
Levi didn’t know exactly what to say. “Did I...I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I?”
“A mistake?” Erwin didn’t seem all that upset.
“Giving you such a gift...it’s improper, isn’t it?” Levi asked.
Erwin frowned, his brows pinching together. “Do you mean - to give to your superior officer?”
Levi let his head fall back onto the couch, sighing. “No...I mean. In general. There are all these rules. Up here, above ground. I don’t know how anything is done. I thought Hange wanted me to...” He stopped, turned his head and looked at Erwin. “Why did you send her away?”
“What about Hange?” Erwin asked rather than answering him.
“Hange said...well, it was their idea. Buying a girl for you.”
Erwin almost spit his drink. “Hange said that? That...doesn’t make any sense, Levi. Hange would know...Hange wouldn’t say that.”
“Well Hange said you needed to get laid!” Levi said, standing up, exasperated. He started to pace. “They insinuated that I do something about it, because...because I’m a whoreson. Because they think that because I’m from... down there I know about these...you know, unsavory things.”
“Levi, I...” Erwin bit his tongue, trying to choose the right words. He looked up at Levi from his place on the couch, elbows on his knees, drink between his interlaced fingers.
“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you by not accepting your gift. Truly. I’ll pay you back what it cost, but please, can we start over? I’d really like to just sit and have a drink with you, if you’re...if you’d like to.”
“You’re not angry with me? It wasn’t improper?”
“No, not improper. Other soldiers would have been...well, it would have made a fine gift for another soldier. A truly fine gift. Unfortunately, it’s not to my taste. I don’t...well, I don’t visit brothels, nor pay for women.”
Levi sat down again. “I was assured she was clean.”
“Oh, I’ve no doubt.” Erwin said, his lip twitching upwards a little. “Still, unfortunately it’s just not something I want. I hope you understand. I hope I haven’t offended you .”
“No, I’m not...you haven’t offended me, Erwin.” He leaned back, drank more of his drink. Erwin was being uncharacteristically formal, speaking with such deliberate patience.
Erwin smiled at him, draping an arm off the back of the couch, one leg bent up so he could face Levi. There was a moment where neither of them spoke, Levi looking down into his glass. Erwin seemed to be thinking on something so Levi waited. Finally, he seemed to make up his mind.
“Do you?” He asked casually, looking at Levi over his glass. “Visit the brothels?”
“No.” Levi said simply. He wasn’t sure...were they bonding? As comrades? Did Erwin sit around with Miche and discuss brothels they visited? Or didn’t visit, in this case.
Erwin hummed. “Have you ever?”
“I grew up in a brothel, Erwin. I’ve seen what’s under a woman’s skirts.”
Erwin nodded, seeming to find this quite fair. “But you’ve never...experienced it for yourself?”
“ Tch . I’ve seen it. Maybe too young, maybe too much. I’m not interested.” Levi couldn’t help the way his lip turned up into a grimace.
Erwin kept on nodding, but didn’t seem to be finding what he was really after. “I’m not just talking about prostitutes...or women, Levi. I’m talking about physical intimacy, closeness. Have you ever laid your hands on anyone? Has anyone laid their hands on you?”
Levi bristled. What did Erwin mean? Sex was...well, there was one way to do it, really. Between a woman’s legs. Did Erwin mean...well, Farlan used to try to sneak his hands when they shared a bed, but Levi had put a stop to that. He knew you weren’t supposed to do that, not with another man. He didn’t know how he knew that, Kenny had told him maybe. Surely Erwin didn’t mean...? No, Erwin was too proper for anything like that.
“What about that red-head, the recruit that’s always following you around - what’s her name?” Erwin tilted his head, making a show of trying to remember Petra’s name. Levi knew perfectly well that Erwin remembered the names of all the soldiers in the Corps. Why would he lie?
Erwin snapped his fingers. “Ral, that’s it. Not even her?”
“ Tch . Petra’s a brat, Erwin. And a comrade. I don’t go around sticking my dick in my comrades, do you?” He chided.
“No.” Erwin said slowly. “And if I did, well, I prefer a more equal playing field. I’d prefer someone older. Stronger.”
“What are you saying?” Levi asked, a little clipped. He was sick of not understanding. Of people using...euphemisms, or turns of phrase he wasn’t familiar with. Sometimes both at the same time.
Erwin licked his lips, took a drink, giving Levi that conflicted look again. Then he settled back into his corner of the couch. “I’m saying that I don’t prefer women at all, Levi. I prefer men.”
Levi blinked, frowning. Erwin would...with a man? How was that...well, that wouldn’t be proper. How could that be proper? You’re not supposed to...with a man.
Something occurred to Levi. “...Sly...” He said quietly.
“Yes.” Erwin replied in an even tone, taking another drink. “That’s a word for it.”
“Delilah...” Levi looked up at Erwin. “That’s what she said, sly . I didn’t know what she meant. She said...she said you were sly, like me.”
Erwin raised his eyebrows, and Levi thought he saw him trying to suppress a smirk.
“That’s what she said.” Levi explained quickly, his face growing pink.
“Well?” Erwin asked, eyes on the liquor in his glass as he swirled it around. “Are you?”
Levi didn’t know what to say. Was he...did he? Well, his first instinct was to say No, I’m not but then, he still didn’t even know what it meant , not really. It wasn’t proper, was it? But Erwin was proper - Erwin was the most proper, and if he was, did that mean...?
“Do you even know?” Erwin asked softly, tilting his head and looking at Levi like he was some strange creature. “Do you even know what you like?”
Levi was suddenly having difficulty swallowing. The room grew hotter, stifling, really, and he felt he couldn’t breathe. Maybe he had had too much to drink. He reached up to loosen his cravat and saw how Erwin’s eyes followed the movement. His hand stilled, caught in Erwin’s scrutinizing gaze.
He stayed still as Erwin set his drink down and moved closer on the couch. He felt frozen, paralyzed, separate from his body as Erwin reached up for his cravat.
“Let me help you with that.” Erwin said quietly as he tugged on the fabric, loosening the knot. Distantly, Levi felt his hand fall limp at his side. Erwin dragged the cloth down his neck and let it flutter to his lap.
“You look warm, Levi.” Erwin remarked casually.
“It’s...” Levi swallowed. “Hot, in here.”
“Yes,” Erwin agreed, his fingers slowly working the buttons on Levi’s shirt. His eyes were trained at Levi’s collar and Levi had no choice but to watch Erwin’s face. His eyes were lidded, his lips slightly parted. Levi couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. He felt strange, his heart beating too fast.
Erwin traced one large, calloused finger across Levi’s collarbone. Levi shivered and drew in a shaking breath, unaware that he’d been holding it. Erwin’s touch was as hot as a brand on his chilled skin.
“I’ve wondered about you, Levi.” Erwin said, his eyes dark as he watched his hand dip below the fabric of the shirt.
Levi felt his head swimming, unsure what to say, to do. Erwin’s hand trailed over the skin of his chest, slow and hot. His vision tunneled on Erwin’s lidded eyes, still locked on Levi’s skin. He swallowed thickly.
“What you like...what you might learn to like.” His thumb pressed into Levi’s clavicle as his large fingers stretched the shirt over his shoulder. “I could show you...if you wanted.”
Levi tried to draw breath, his heart thrashing wildly in his chest. “Show me?”
Erwin’s massaging hand made its way up to Levi’s thin neck until his whole hand wrapped around the back of it. “I could show you how it is...between men.”
Erwin finally looked into Levi’s eyes and Levi was wholly unprepared for the hunger he saw there. Erwin was so composed, so proper, but now he seemed...possessed. Wild.
Dangerous.
He moved in until their faces were only a breath apart. Levi’s breaths were coming too fast, his body gone completely slack. He pooled into the corner of the couch, bending as much into Erwin as away from him.
“You’re strong, Levi. You could stop me, if you wanted.”
Levi didn’t know why Erwin was telling him this. Of course he could stop...if he wanted, he could stop...
Erwin closed the distance between them, taking Levi’s bottom lip into his mouth. His hand was strong and sturdy on the back of Levi’s neck, holding him still as if he were a feral cat, as if Levi might bite him. But it was Erwin who bit - taking Levi’s unmoving lip between his teeth and dragging his tongue over it, tasting it.
Levi had a vague thought that he should be doing something, stopping Erwin as he had said, or...something else. But Erwin didn’t seem concerned. He pulled back and met Levi’s eyes again, then moved his tongue over Levi’s lips. First the bottom one, experimentally, and when Levi offered no resistance, he licked into his mouth.
Levi opened his mouth wider while at the same time, he moved back, caught between warring sensations. On the one hand, Erwin had just put his tongue - his tongue - into Levi’s mouth, and a part of Levi couldn’t help but be horrified by the sensation. But another part of him had found it oddly satisfying and didn’t want Erwin to stop.
When he looked up into Erwin’s eyes, he saw clearly that Erwin understood this. He looked down at Levi, his thumb stroking the hollow of his cheek, dragging under his lip to collect the saliva he’d left there. He understood that he’d spooked Levi, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he moved in again and gave Levi a proper kiss.
This time, Levi couldn’t help but respond - although he’d never kissed anyone before, it seemed to come naturally to him as he followed Erwin’s lead. He moved tentatively at first, but as Erwin began to devour his mouth, he had to work to keep up. It was hot and wet and there was something - some kind of thread connecting them at the mouth and Levi wanted to see where it would lead.
Erwin pulled back and Levi chased his lips in a daze. Erwin groaned at the sight and pushed Levi gently back with the hand still clasped on his neck.
“Greedy...” He breathed. “No one’s ever touched you like this, have they?”
Levi’s head was swimming. The kissing was...nice. He wanted to do it again. But Erwin had asked him a question. What had Erwin asked him?
Erwin chuckled, but it lacked the false humor he’d inject into it for the public. Levi shivered at the sound, his eyelids fluttering shut.
Erwin didn’t seem to mind that Levi hadn’t answered his question. “No, you’re starved for it, I can tell. You don’t even know that you need it.”
He dragged his hand down Levi’s front, rough, and Levi blinked down at his hand. “Need what?” He asked, because he really didn’t know.
Erwin smirked and moved his hand lower, over Levi’s crotch. Erwin’s hand was huge, cupping his soft cock and balls under his hot palm. He dragged his thumb over the buttons of Levi’s fly with purpose.
Levi squirmed under the scrutiny, but he didn’t try to stop Erwin. He felt...something. A stirring in his gut. A warmth pooling through his body, emanating from Erwin’s hot hand. As a rule, he never touched himself there, had never bothered...had never wanted. He knew the mechanics of it, of course, had seen kids in the underground and soldiers in the barracks...just a blur of flesh, a pained expression, a strange scent in the air. But he never touched himself. He realized now, with Erwin’s huge hand over him, that Erwin might be disappointed to discover it doesn’t work...not the way Erwin was likely expecting.
Levi moved one of his hands over Erwin’s, holding his wrist but not pulling it away.
“It won’t...I don’t, I mean, I never...” He said, pleading. His heart was beating rapidly. He could imagine Erwin opening his fly, seeing his lack of - reaction? Interest? - and politely leading Levi to the door. Sorry my friend, but you don’t have what I’m looking for - so long.
Erwin hummed deep in his chest. He hadn’t moved his hand, gently massaging Levi’s package in his palm. “You don’t even touch yourself, Levi?” For a reason Levi couldn’t decipher, it sounded like this pleased him.
Erwin’s hand was so hot Levi could feel it through his pants. And although Levi still had his wrist caught, Erwin hadn’t stopped, but pressed a little harder. It felt...like something. Like little flames licking up inside his body - a warm and teasing burn.
“I’m sorry.” Levi said, feeling deficient. If this is what Erwin needed to relax...a man, well, Levi was probably not the best option for him. If Erwin was...then there would be other men who would be...who could do this better than Levi.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Levi.” Erwin said, his voice all syrupy.
“But don’t you want -” Levi gulped as Erwin’s hand started a rhythm and it made Levi feel dizzy. Those little flames started spreading further, sparking out from his groin. “I don’t know how, Erwin.”
“That’s perfect, Levi.” Erwin promised, gripping Levi through his pants. Levi groaned at the sensation, noting that his cock had begun to react. Erwin seemed to be able to grip it through his pants, it had begun to take shape.
“But-”
“Shhh.” Erwin leaned in close to Levi’s face again. “Let me take care of you. I want to.”
And then Erwin was kissing Levi again, devouring his mouth and rubbing his cock through his pants. Levi couldn’t think to protest then - his body became liquid with Erwin’s tongue in his mouth. His hand on Erwin’s wrist stopped trying to pull it away and instead drifted to cover Erwin’s own hand, following his movement as it gripped and toyed with him. He found himself angling his hips slightly so that Erwin would press down in a certain way, never quite finding what he was looking for, just rutting and searching. He didn’t know how wanton he looked, humping up into Erwin’s hand, chasing his mouth with his tongue, but it was a sight Erwin would never forget.
Erwin pulled back from the kiss and his bright blue eyes glowed like fire. Suddenly his hands were gone from Levi’s neck and crotch and Levi found himself scooped up, Erwin’s hot hands gripping under him and lifting him from the couch. Before he could protest, he was being deposited on the bed in the corner and Erwin was pushing his legs apart crawling between them.
Erwin kissed him again, moaning openly into Levi’s mouth as his tricky fingers finished the buttons on Levi’s shirt. When he’d gotten it open his mouth trailed down - over Levi’s lithe neck, down his chest, kitten-licking at his nipples. Levi couldn’t keep up, it was all too much. He found himself bending into Erwin’s touch, even when Erwin attached himself to one of his nipples and began to suck on him as if he were a woman. He moaned, his hands finding Erwin’s hair, needing something to hold on to as Erwin toyed with him.
Erwin had clearly done this before - his movements were too smooth to be unpracticed. Levi noted this when all of a sudden Erwin was tugging Levi’s pants down - he’d not even realized Erwin had managed to undo the buttons. Then he was tugging Levi’s button-up off his arms until he was laying there, prone, legs spread obscenely with Erwin crouched between them, in nothing but his military-issued underwear.
Erwin stood, towering over Levi. His hair fell over his brow, in the sort of disarray Levi had only previously witnessed on the battlefield. Levi panted and tried to focus his vision amidst all the swirling sensations. Avoiding Erwin’s intense gaze, he trailed his eyes down his broad body, still completely dressed. Levi’s eyes landed on the intersection of Erwin’s legs - through his black slacks Levi could see the outline...no, it couldn’t be. What Erwin seemed to have there wasn’t anything like the neat little erection Levi had. It was intimidating even hidden in his pants.
Erwin drew Levi’s attention by running a finger down Levi’s clothed cock, eliciting a shocked cry. Levi looked down at himself and was surprised to see his underwear straining in an unfamiliar way. It felt hot, and it ached...but he found that it was a good ache. There was a small wet spot where the end of his cock was. He needed something, he realized, but he didn’t know how to get it. When Erwin touched him again - grabbing Levi’s hard cock through his underwear and stroking it - Levi realized that it didn’t matter that he didn’t know what he needed, because Erwin knew, and Erwin intended to give it to him.
Erwin draped himself over Levi, tugging on his cock with measured strokes that grew more strained with each tug. Levi realized suddenly that Erwin was showing restraint - that he wanted something from Levi too, but didn’t want to go too fast since Levi was...inexperienced.
I’m not a child , Levi thought petulantly, even as he whined when Erwin rubbed the tip of his cock through his underwear. The overwhelming sensations were giving way to a foreign urgency. He didn’t know exactly where this was going, but he knew wherever it was, Erwin would need to be undressed when they got there.
Levi lifted one heavy hand and found Erwin’s broad hip before he pawed his way to his groin. When he found it - hard and roughly the size of a brick in Levi’s hand - Erwin shuddered and let out a low moan. He lifted his head from Levi’s neck and looked down at him with a mixture of pleasure and...concern?
“You don’t have to.” He told Levi. “If it’s too much, I can just...” And he twisted his wrist in such a way that made Levi gasp.
Levi scrunched his eyes shut, trying to paw at Erwin’s bulge but finding the angle difficult. Was it always this way? He wondered. Awkward positions and impossible to communicate wants?
“Don’t think, Levi.” Erwin said, trailing his fingers down Levi’s cheek even as he continued his ministrations. Levi’s eyes fluttered open and he saw in Erwin’s eyes the patience he so respected in the man.
“Let me take care of you, Levi.” Erwin promised as his hand dipped into Levi’s underwear.
“Wait, dont-” Levi’s hands shot up and pressed against Erwin’s chest. Erwin stopped all motion but didn’t move away. He waited.
“Just-” Levi didn’t know what he wanted, didn’t know anything about how this was done. But he trusted Erwin. “Your clothes...”
Erwin’s face melted with relief into a soft and satisfied smile. “Of course, anything you want.”
He pulled himself from off Levi and stood, unbuttoning his shirt with quick precision. Levi lay panting, legs spread and aching cock still straining his now significantly damp underwear. Erwin’s eyes never left his as he stripped himself without a shred of insecurity.
Levi had seen Erwin mostly naked before. They had dressed each other’s wounds on the battlefield, had undressed in one another’s presence in cramped camps outside the walls. He’d always admired Erwin’s build and sometimes coveted his size. But he’d never seen him like this - slowly revealing each toned muscle, each patch of fur, all while he wanted to be watched. Levi had never taken the liberty to look so much, and for his gaze to be desired. It was exhilarating.
When Erwin got down to his underwear, Levi expected him to rejoin him on the bed, but Erwin just pulled his underwear off in one swift motion. His cock bounced up and slapped audibly against his stomach. Levi couldn’t look away from it - it was huge, easily twice as large as Levi’s, and the end was an angry purple color. Levi had never seen anything like it in all his life, and he didn’t even know where to begin with it.
Surely noticing Levi’s shock, Erwin assured, “Don’t worry, it won't hurt you.”
Levi grimaced. “But don’t you want...” He had an idea of how things would work between them, but hadn’t tried to think that far ahead. But now, well, there wasn’t any way it would possibly fit .
“No, shhh.” Erwin said as he laid down on the bed next to Levi, trailing a hand down his rapidly rising and falling chest. “What I want is to make you feel good, and you don’t have to worry about a thing. Do you trust me, Levi?”
Levi bit his lip, looking down at Erwin’s huge hand gripping his small waist. Patient and waiting. He breathed. “I trust you.”
“Good.” Erwin smiled and rolled himself over Levi. He kneeled and gripped the hem of his underwear. “May I?”
Levi nodded, unable to speak. Erwin tugged Levi’s underwear off of his legs and tossed them onto the floor. He sighed as he looked down at Levi, fully nude and stretched out before him.
Levi squirmed a little under Erwin’s gaze. From his view, he could see their cocks side by side now. Although his was larger than he expected, never having paid much attention to it when it was hard in the morning from needing to piss, it still didn’t compare to Erwin’s.
“You’re so beautiful, Levi.” Erwin said, massaging Levi’s slim hips with his thumbs.
Levi grimaced, squirming. “It’s small.” He admitted. He wanted to cover it up.
“It’s perfect,” Erwin said. “You’re perfect, Levi.”
Before Levi could argue, Erwin took Levi into his hand and bent down. A small sound of protest died in Levi’s throat as Erwin put his mouth on him. Heat and slickness enveloped him and his hips bucked up of their own accord, wanting to burrow into the hot cavern of Erwin’s mouth.
Erwin moaned around him and obliged, taking Levi deeper. Levi’s hands found Erwin’s hair and before he could marvel at its softness, he was gripping it tightly as Erwin took him to the root. He began a practiced rhythm, taking Levi all the way down before pulling all the way up without ever taking Levi out of his mouth.
It was unlike anything Levi had ever experienced, the pleasure pooling at his center but sprawling through his entire body, lighting his nerves on fire. A part of him was kicking himself for waiting so long to experience this, for denying himself such bliss all his life. He could feel himself tensing as something deep and urgent coiled up inside him.
Erwin pulled off of him briefly and Levi heard a wet sound before Erwin’s mouth was on him again, that pressure pulsing inside of him. He needed, he needed ...
He felt Erwin’s finger, wet and hot, slip easily between his cheeks, spread open as he was. It was jarring, and he jerked, momentarily pulled from the inebriated bliss.
Erwin popped off him just long enough to say, “Trust me, Levi.” Before his mouth was on him again, sucking him hard and slow.
Levi keened, allowing himself to give into the feelings, anything to keep that pressure building, anything to keep Erwin from taking his mouth off of him again.
Erwin’s thumb pressed into the skin just below Levi’s sac and Levi felt pleasure shoot through his body like lightning. There was something, something else inside him and he wanted to feel it again.
Erwin’s slick finger found his hole and began rubbing circles around it, timed with the bobbing of his head and the gentle press of his thumb. The sensations began to melt together and although he jerked when Erwin pressed inside, he felt that coiling pressure reaching a peak.
Erwin’s finger delved, going straight for the spot he’d already located from the outside. Although he was inexperienced, Levi’s body knew where it sought the pressure and suddenly it was all happening at once - Erwin’s mouth sucking on his cock, his thumb rubbing on the outside and his finger pressing hard on the inside. His body tensed before he cried out.
“Oh! Oh fuck, Erwin-!”
And then he was coming, his cock pulsing as he emptied himself into Erwin’s mouth in long spurts. The first wave crashed over him just as the second crested and he could feel himself clenching around Erwin’s finger as he filled his mouth. Erwin slowed his motions with each buck of Levi’s hips. Levi gave a final shudder and Erwin gently removed his hand and mouth.
Levi lay panting, only realizing that his hands had been tugging at Erwin’s hair - probably painfully - when his hands relaxed with some difficulty. Erwin rested his head on Levi’s hip, breathing erratically, for a moment before he surged up and caught Levi’s mouth.
Levi tried to keep up, to kiss back, but his body had turned into liquid and he felt heavy and exhausted. The taste in Erwin’s mouth was strange but oddly enticing. Erwin didn’t seem to mind Levi’s lack of response, he just kissed Levi’s lips in a slow and lazy rhythm.
“You’re so perfect, Levi, that was so perfect...” He sighed in between kisses. Levi could feel Erwin’s erection pushing insistently against his stomach and realized they weren’t yet done yet.
“Erwin, I want...let me..” He snaked his hand down between their bodies towards that formidable mass.
Erwin rolled onto his side to give Levi room, but didn’t remove his arms from around Levi, determined to keep their sticky bodies together. Levi decided the time for hesitation had passed and took Erwin into his hand, squeezing experimentally.
“Oh, yes, Levi please...”
Hearing Erwin beg encouraged Levi and he quickly found a rhythm that seemed appropriate for Erwin’s current state. He looked down in wonder at his small hand around Erwin’s enormous cock, his pale skin in sharp contrast to Erwin’s red appendage.
“Harder, Levi, please...” Erwin panted. And then, moaning, “Yes, that’s it..”
Levi had strength and so he used it, the veins in his forearm pulsing as he applied precise pressure. He had had his pleasure and now wanted Erwin to have his and was considering how to go about fitting any of Erwin into his mouth when Erwin suddenly tensed, his cock seeming to grow even harder in Levi’s hand.
“Oh, oh Levi ..” He moaned and Levi felt his cock pulse.
It was incredible to watch - Erwin’s hulking form shuddering from the motions of Levi’s small hand as he pumped him. He came in hot ropes which covered Levi’s stomach and his hand. Erwin gripped Levi’s shoulder’s through it, caging him in until it was over.
Finally Erwin slumped down, pressing his face into Levi’s neck. He fought to catch his breath as Levi wondered what to do with his hands, especially the one that was now covered in Erwin’s spend.
“Erwin?” Levi asked gently. The response he got was a tired hum. “Erwin, we need a towel.”
Erwin rolled over and gave Levi a lopsided smile. “Of course.” He said and rolled off the bed, hopping up and returning promptly with two hot towels from his washroom.
They cleaned themselves up in silence. Levi wiped himself down efficiently, focused on his task. But he could feel Erwin giving him little glances. It was in those little glances that he began to grow concerned. This was all so new to him, and although it had been incredible - mind altering, really - he was just as inexperienced with what happened now as to what happened then .
Once he was clean enough, he picked up his discarded clothes, frowning at the wrinkled state of them.
“Levi,” Erwin started. He sat on the bed completely naked, his soft cock resting easily between his legs. “Stay.”
Levi stood there, rumpled pants in his hands, looking at Erwin. He didn’t know what one does after a liason of this sort - with another man, no less - but he’d let Erwin guide him this far.
“Alright.” He said.
Levi got under the covers of Erwin’s large bed as Erwin went about putting out the lanterns. He let himself admire Erwin’s body once more, this time with less primal urgency and more...affection. It was strange, to say the least, sitting naked in another man’s bed, waiting for him. He hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in years, and never with such casual intimacy.
This whole evening he’d felt the distance between himself and the surface-dwellers more than ever before. He’d not understood their implications or customs, and had felt like every move he made had been a mistake, a misstep. Until Erwin had kissed him. Everything after that kiss had happened so naturally, and Erwin had never seemed disappointed in him.
Maybe he was sly, as Delilah had said. Maybe he preferred men, like Erwin.
Erwin put out all the lanterns but the one on the bedside table and got into the bed. He scooted over to where Levi sat and wrapped an arm around him, urging Levi to look his way.
What he saw on Erwin’s face was a soft joy, a sleepy but content smile spread over his lips.
Maybe he preferred men like Erwin.
“What’re you thinking about so hard?” Erwin asked, touching Levi’s pinched brow briefly.
Levi was silent for a few moments, trying to decide what he wanted to say. He’d been out of his depth all evening, but Erwin had been so patient with him.
“Do you do this a lot?” He decided on. “With men?”
Erwin smiled a little, but then it shifted into a frown. He withdrew his arm and Levi immediately missed his warmth and regretted his question.
“I didn’t mean-”
“No, it’s fine. I understand how new this all must be to you and I want to be honest with you, Levi.” He took a breath and continued.
“No, there isn’t much opportunity for this sort of thing, so no, I wouldn’t say that I do this a lot.”
“Because of your duties as a Squad Leader?”
“No...well, sure, yes, but that’s not all. There aren’t a lot of men who are interested in this sort of thing, or at least there aren’t a lot of men who will admit to it.”
Levi heard the regret in his tone. “Like me.”
“No,” Erwin said, the smile gracing his features once more. “There’s no one like you, Levi.”
Levi had no idea what he meant by that, but it caused him to feel flushed all the same.
Erwin continued, “I’ve had experiences with other men before, all of them scouts. The traditional rules tend to matter less when you’ve stared down a titan’s jaw. But for that same reason, all of them are gone now.”
“I see.” Levi said. Death was never far from them, always just a breath away.
Erwin hummed. “But none of them had ever - I mean - they weren’t like that .”
“Like what?” Levi asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Weren’t as inexperienced? Weren’t as bad ?
“Like...I mean they weren’t...” Erwin took a deep breath.
“I’ve been watching you for some time, Levi. Waiting to see if you had any interest...in me, in sex in general.” He gave a warm smile. “You’re kind of a mystery to me, Levi.”
Levi thought about this. Erwin’s words caused a feeling to arise in him, uncomfortable yet not altogether unpleasant. “Are you saying you want to do this again?”
“Oh yes,” Erwin said without hesitation, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Very much. But only if you want to as well.”
“I’m not really sure what I want. I’ve never considered...”
“Of course.” Erwin said, putting his arm around Levi again. “We can discuss it at another time. You must be tired. Do you want to sleep now?”
“Yes, I think so.”
Erwin leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Levi’s cheek. Then he put out the lantern and drew the covers up as they settled in.
Levi laid on his back the way he usually slept, but Erwin pressed himself up against Levi until they were lying on their sides with Erwin holding him. It felt nice, their skin touching under the warm bedding, Erwin’s arms around him. He couldn’t remember ever having been held in such a way, maybe a long long time ago when his mother was still alive.
Erwin’s breath was in his ear. “Thank you for trusting me.”
Levi gripped his arm tighter in reply.