Chapter Text
Buck closes the door gently behind him, suppressing a groan of frustration when he sees the mess that his roommate left in their small kitchenette. He rolls his eyes and walks past the dirty dishes piled in the sink and the spilled pasta sauce on the stovetop, and steps into the room to drop his bags. The room is dark, but he can see Mick’s shape under the covers on his bed; if it wouldn’t make Buck feel so guilty, he would wake Mick up and tell him to clean up his mess because he’s tired of coming back only to clean it up himself the next morning. But it’s late and they have to be up early for PT, and their platoon leader will yell at them for being late if they’re not ten minutes early. As much as Mick deserves to be woken up, Buck won’t do that to him.
Buck drops to his small bed, wishing he were still at Eddie’s house and mourning the reality that he’s stuck in the barracks until he either gets married or becomes a staff sergeant; at this rate, he’ll have to wait the two years he has left before he’s promoted, because he hasn’t had any luck with dating – not since Abby. He curses the Army’s stupid housing rules once again, wishing he could just move in with Eddie.
Eddie’s house was everything that Buck’s room in the barracks wasn’t. Warm, welcoming, comfortable. It certainly felt more like home than this room that he’s lived in for over four years now. And sure, four years is more than enough time to get settled in a place, but Buck needed to be able to pack all his stuff in a moment’s notice, always ready to ship out. So, his side of the room was bare, with only the essentials.
Eddie, on the other hand, lived in a nice little house with a yard. His walls collected pictures over the years, and his couch cushions dipped low from all the nights Buck spent there. The barracks were noisy with rowdy young men talking too loudly and getting too drunk and smelled too much like body odor. Eddie’s house was filled with the sound of Christopher’s laughter and the smell of those warm vanilla candles Eddie loved to burn in the living room.
It may not be Buck’s house, but Eddie’s place feels a lot more like home than the barracks.
“Hey, I’m here!” Buck calls out when he opens the door, all his stress from the day dissipating as soon as he crosses the threshold into the Diaz household.
“In the kitchen,” Eddie replies, his voice drowned out by the running sink. Buck finds him in front of the sink washing the last of the dishes, no doubt left over from the quick breakfast that Eddie cooks for Chris before rushing him to school and trying to make it to base on time. Thankfully their commander was understanding of Eddie’s situation and took it easy on him if he was late. After him and Shannon got divorced and she moved out to California, they even excused Eddie from morning PT as long as he can still pass the PT test. Which he obviously had no problem with.
“Where’s Chris?” Buck asks, surprised that he’s not sitting at the table working on his homework or out in the living room building his new Lego.
“Went to a friend’s house for a play date.”
“On a weeknight?”
“Yeah… Uh, I was hoping to talk to you about something. I haven’t told Chris yet.”
Eddie’s voice is stilted, and Buck automatically fills with worry. His immediate thought is that Eddie is getting deployed – but they’re in the same unit, and if Eddie is getting deployed, Buck would be too, and he would’ve found out today as well. That doesn’t make him feel any better as his mind races through horrible scenarios and fear churns his stomach.
“Eddie, what’s wrong?”
“Uh, take a seat.”
Buck pulls out the stool from under the counter and sits slowly, eyes not leaving Eddie. Eddie takes his time drying the last dish, putting it away before rounding the counter and taking a seat next to Buck. Buck watches Eddie’s throat work as he swallows, the other man’s gaze fixed straight ahead, not looking at Buck.
Finally, he says, “I’m getting restationed.”
Buck’s stomach drops and he suddenly feels lightheaded. He wonders if there’s a carbon monoxide leak because his head is spinning, and he thinks he might throw up.
“What?” he says, at a loss for words and his throat dry. Eddie nods, but still doesn’t look at him.
“The 1st Armored Division needs medics. I found out this morning.”
Buck didn’t know that his stomach could drop even more, but he feels like it practically drops to the floor as he’s filled with dread for Eddie. “1st Armored… that’s… they’re in El Paso.”
Eddie nods again, and then he finally looks at Buck. His eyes are filled with sorrow, and it makes Buck’s heart break even more. “I didn’t have a choice,” he croaks.
And then Buck is pulling Eddie into his arms, unable to find the words to comfort his friend. It’s awkward, both of them sitting on the kitchen stools, but Eddie tucks his face into Buck’s neck, and Buck clings to him – feeling sorry for Eddie and feeling sorry for himself.
Eddie had joined the Army to get away from his family, overwhelmed by their expectations and hoping to create a life for himself and his new family, Shannon and their unborn baby. And maybe that life didn’t turn out has he planned, but he had made something for himself and Chris here in this hellhole of a town in North Carolina. And Buck had been there every step of the way, since that first day that they met in Basic Training when Buck was just a lost kid from Hershey, through their first deployment overseas, through Eddie’s divorce, to seeing the incredible father that Eddie has become for his son.
Buck and Eddie had been lucky, he supposes. Not many friends from Basic Training got stationed at the same base, let alone the same unit. And most people didn’t get to live in one place as long as Eddie and Buck had been here. Three years was usually the max for guys like them. So, it was bound to happen – one of them moving away.
But Buck can’t imagine his life without Eddie and Chris. They’re his only escape from the monotony of his life, the only relief from the discomfort of the barracks, the only thing outside of work that gives his life meaning. Eddie is his best friend, and he loves Chris with his whole heart. He can bear the loss of Abby, even though it still hurts to think about, but he’s not sure he can live with the loss of Eddie and Chris. As much as he grieves for Eddie having to return to his family that he had worked so hard to escape, Buck also grieves for himself.
Eddie leaves in three months. Three months to pack up his entire life. Three months until he takes his son away from the only home he has ever known. Three months until he says goodbye to his best friend. His best friend who has been a lifeline through every step of his life the past several years. Since Shannon found out she was pregnant with Chris and Eddie ran away to basic training at 18, and he met this bright, blue-eyed kid who was just trying to find his place in the world. Maybe it was just because they shared a bunk in the barracks for ten weeks of hell, or maybe it was because they were both running from something. Whatever it was, Buck and Eddie became inseparable.
Even when they graduated Basic and Eddie went off to train to become a medic and Buck went to Airborne School to jump out of airplanes, they managed to stay in touch. Buck would text him at night, telling him all about his jump that day and how exhilarating it was; but sometimes, he would say how much he hoped that what he was doing would make it parents proud – how he hoped that his sister Maddie was getting his letters even if she hadn’t responded since he left for Basic. And when Shannon was asleep, Eddie would text him back. He’d tell him about how much studying he needed to do to become a combat medic, but it would be worth it if he got to help people. But other times, he told him about how scared he was of becoming a father. How sometimes, he would look at Shannon with her big round belly and become overwhelmed with fear.
And by some miracle, they both ended up with the 82nd Airborne Division. It was Buck’s dream – Eddie remembers the first night they met, sitting up on Eddie’s bottom bunk and whispering about all the cool things they would do in the military.
“I’m gonna be jumping out of planes with the 82nd, just you see,” Buck had said with a cocky smirk. "All the way!" he had added, repeating the 82nd Airborne slogan way too loud for a room filled with sleeping guys. They had erupted into a fit of muffled laughs behind their hands after that, trying not to wake anyone but unable to stop themselves.
It was just by chance that Eddie, as a combat medic, had been stationed with the same infantry unit as Buck.
Just after Eddie arrived at Fort Bragg, Chris was born. And Buck was there, for anything that Eddie and Shannon needed.
And when things fell apart after he got back from his second deployment and he couldn’t be there for Shannon like she needed – when she told him she couldn’t handle being a military spouse, that she wanted a divorce – Buck was there. For both Eddie and Chris.
The point is, Buck had been there through everything, and Eddie wasn’t sure what he was going to do without him.
They’re sitting on the couch sipping on beers with some stupid sitcom on the TV, Chris having gone to bed not too long ago. Buck has been quiet since Eddie told him the news earlier this week, and Eddie still hasn’t found it in himself to tell Chris yet.
He doesn’t care so much about moving, even if it means facing his family again. What he dreads is leaving Buck behind – taking Chris away from Buck. Chris is still young; in a few years he might not even remember Buck. But right now, Chris looks at Buck as if he hung the moon and the stars. And Eddie can’t blame him, because sometimes he feels like maybe Buck did hang the moon and the stars, at least in Eddie’s world. He just doesn’t want his son to grow up in a world without Buck, because what kind of world would that be?
He wishes he could take Buck with them.
“I wish that best friends who are both in the Army were treated the same as spouses who are both in the Army,” Eddie finds himself saying. Buck looks up from his phone with a raised eyebrow.
Eddie swallows, regretting that he let the words slip, but Buck is looking at him with a confused look on his face, so he explains himself. “You know, when two people are married and they’re both in the Army, they move together – it doesn’t matter what branch they are or what unit they’re in, they’ll always be stationed at the same base. I just wish it could be the same for best friends so that you could come with me.”
“I mean, you and I could get married,” Buck says without missing a beat. Eddie freezes, and Buck’s eyes go wide as he realizes what he said. Eddie is hit with the image of sliding a ring onto Buck’s finger, their fingers twining together. Something twists in his gut, and he pushes the thought away.
“That would be ridiculous,” he says with a forced laugh, followed by a sip of his beer to cover it up.
“Yeah, yeah it would be,” Buck says with a shake of his head. They both turn their attention back to the show, but Eddie can’t shake the idea. Buck could come with them to El Paso, and if one of them ever got restationed, the other would too. The thought of Buck always being with him and Chris fills his chest with warmth.
They sit in silence for several minutes drinking their beers, Eddie trying to ignore the feeling that bloomed within him.
“I mean – ” Buck starts, then shuts his mouth with another shake of his head.
“What is it?”
“Would it really be that ridiculous?” Buck asks, shifting on the couch to face Eddie.
“Buck…” Eddie says, planning to tell Buck to let it go, but unable to bring himself to do so.
“Think about it, Eddie! We would never have to worry about getting restationed away from each other, and as long as I’m not deployed, I’ll be around to help with Chris! I’ll join the infantry unit out in El Paso, you’ll be with the armor unit, which means it’s less likely that we’ll be deployed at the same time, which means I can be with Chris whenever you get sent overseas – I know you hate leaving Chris with your parents whenever we leave.”
Eddie’s heart swells at how Buck always takes Chris into consideration for everything. And he can’t lie – it sounds like a great deal. He thinks of being in a different unit from Buck, but still able to come home in the evening to see him, knowing that Buck doesn’t have to leave to go back to the barracks. He thinks about Buck staying with Chris when Eddie goes out in the field, loving his son as much as Eddie does. And it sounds like the life he has been wanting.
But then he realizes how selfish he’s being in even considering the idea, making Buck uproot his entire life as if that doesn’t happen often enough to enlisted soldiers.
“No, Buck, I can’t ask that of you.” He turns to look at Buck and is taken aback by how serious Buck looks about the idea. Buck doesn’t respond, just keeps staring back at him with those bright blue eyes that can make Eddie do anything. Eddie sighs. “Buck, becoming a paratrooper was your dream. I can’t take you away from that. You’re not gonna be able to jump out of airplanes with the 36th Infantry.”
Buck’s eyes soften into something more vulnerable. “Dreams change.”
Eddie’s breath catches in his throat and his heart stutters. He’s suddenly aware of how close they’re sitting, Buck’s leg pulled up on the couch so that his knee touches Eddie’s thigh.
He searches for his voice, unable to take his gaze away from Buck. “Why?” is all he can think to say.
“Because I care about you guys,” Buck says softly. “And,” he adds, voice returning to his normal tone, “we’ll both get more money from the Army if we’re married. Think of the house we could live in with two housing allowances! Plus, you know how badly I’ve wanted to get out of the barracks.”
Eddie certainly can’t argue with Buck’s points. The Army offers great healthcare for Chris, but sometimes he feels like he’s barely scraping by with his salary. “How – how would it even work? Wouldn’t our command be suspicious if we just suddenly got married out of the blue?”
Buck shrugs, turning to face forward again – Eddie immediately misses the point of contact against his thigh when Buck pulls his leg away. “I mean, would it really be that hard to believe? Everyone in our battalion knows we’re best friends – hell, the whole unit probably knows I spend all my free time here, I talk about Chris enough. Besides, we could just say we’ve been dating in secret because we didn’t think it was anyone else’s business, stuck in the whole ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ culture.”
Once again, Buck has a point – maybe it wouldn’t be that outrageous. Maybe they could pull it off.
“Would you really want to fake marry me?”
“Technically we would be real married…” Buck turns to meet Eddie’s gaze again, a small smile on his face. “But yeah, Eddie, if it means I don’t get separated from you and Chris, then I would.”
Eddie searches Buck’s face for any hesitance but doesn’t find it, instead seeing resolve in Buck’s eyes. He takes a deep breath. “Okay.”
Buck’s face brightens up, his smile stretching across his face for the first time all week. “Yeah?”
“Yeah Buck,” he says, unable to stop his own smile from tugging at his lips. “Let’s get real fake married.”
It turns out that the process of applying for a marriage license in North Carolina is incredibly easy. All they had to do was go to the County Registers Office and sign some documents and pay a fee, and now they’re ready to head to the courthouse.
Which leads them here – sitting on the ground behind Eddie’s closed bedroom door, Buck’s hand on Eddie’s shoulder as he tries to help calm Eddie’s panicked breaths.
“I can’t – I can’t lie to them, Buck,” he gasps, fear crawling up his throat as his breaths get more ragged with each intake of air. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him, why he’s struggling for air or why his heart is out of control in his chest.
“Hey, Eddie – look at me.” Buck says softly, crouching in front of him and giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. Eddie finds his eyes and feels the panic seizing his heart let go just a little bit. “That’s it. Now just breathe with me. You’re okay. That’s it.”
Eddie’s not sure how much time passes, but eventually his breathing becomes steady again and his heartrate returns to a normal pace, soothed by Buck’s calming presence.
“We don’t have to go through with it,” Buck says quietly, starting to pull his hand away. Eddie quickly grasps at his hand, not ready to lose the contact yet.
“No,” he says, relishing in the warmth of Buck’s skin under his fingers. “No, I want to.”
He takes one final steadying breath before tipping his head back against the door and closing his eyes. “I don’t know what that was, I’m sorry. Just, the idea of lying to my little sisters… they’ve always looked up to me, you know? It feels wrong.”
He feels Buck’s thumb brush along his collar bone where it rests, sending shivers across his skin. “I think – I think you were having a panic attack.”
Eddie snaps his eyes open and lifts his head to look at Buck. “I don’t panic.”
Buck huffs a humorless laugh. “Okay. Yeah, you’re obviously not panicking about us getting married.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, then meets Buck’s gaze. “I want to do this Buck, I do. I don’t care about putting on a charade for everyone in the world if it means we won’t get separated and Chris will be taken care of. It’s just… it’s just a lot.”
Buck smiles softly and squeezes his shoulder again. “I know, Eddie. But we’re in this together. So let’s go out there and tell your sisters that we’re getting married.”
Eddie nods, watching as Buck stands up in front of him before offering his hand down. Eddie takes it, letting Buck pull him to his feet.
“Besides,” Buck says, “we’re not technically lying. We are getting married, we care about each other, and we’ll get all the benefits of being married.”
He reaches past Eddie to grab the doorknob, then throws one more glance towards Eddie. “Well, all the benefits except the fun ones,” he adds with a wink that makes Eddie’s face heat up.
“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Eddie says quickly, pointedly ignoring Buck’s last comment.
Eddie’s sisters sit at the table across from them with concerned expressions on their faces. Buck had only met them once, when Eddie let Buck tagalong for his family dinner after graduating Basic. Buck had tried not to let his disappointment show when his parents hadn’t showed up for their graduation ceremony, but he couldn’t hide the sadness he felt when he couldn’t find Maddie’s face in the crowd. Of course, Eddie had noticed and invited him along. It should’ve been weird, being the only stranger with Eddie’s family, including his parents and siblings and a pregnant fiancé. But Buck doesn’t think he could ever be uncomfortable if Eddie is with him.
“I have something to tell you,” Eddie starts, his voice calm compared to just a few moments ago in his bedroom. Buck watches Eddie swallow as he twists his hands in his lap under the table. Eddie takes a deep breath, and Buck can tell he’s still nervous.
“Oh my God just tell us!” Sophia blurts impatiently.
“I’m getting there!” Eddie snaps. Underneath the table, Buck takes one of Eddie's hands, hoping to offer him some comfort. Eddie glances to the side, the fear in his eyes back again. Buck nods and squeezes his hand in support.
“Okay,” he says with one more deep breath. “The thing is, well, I wanted to tell you guys – ”
“We’re getting married!” Buck jumps in, plastering on his biggest smile and saving Eddie from hurting himself from stumbling over his words, or from making it sound like someone is holding a gun to Eddie’s head to force him to marry Buck
Eddie lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah,” he says, a real smile spreading across his face when he looks at Buck again. “We’re getting married.”
With one last reassuring smile, Buck turns back to gauge Eddie’s sisters’ reactions. They’re both sitting with their mouths open in shock.
“You asshole!” Adriana shouts. “We thought you were fucking dying or something! Eddie what the fuck!”
Eddie’s eyes have gone wide, and he sits frozen in his seat. “Adri, I – ”
“This is amazing Eddie!” she adds, just as Sophia jumps up from her seat to round the table and pull Eddie into a hug, who still looks shocked.
“We always thought you and Buck would find your way to each other,” Sophia says when she lets go of her big brother, flashing them both a big smile. “We figured Eddie was in love with you, we just didn’t realize that he knew it yet,” she says, hugging Buck next even as he feels a blush creep up his neck at her words.
Adriana gives them each a hug next, followed by a punch to Eddie’s shoulder. “That’s for making us think you were dying or something horrible.”
Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t know why you thought that,” he says defensively.
“Um, maybe because you invited us here to ‘tell us something in person’ when you have literally never invited us to visit. Which I don’t blame you for, this town sucks.”
Eddie cringes next to him and concedes. “Okay, yeah, I see how that sounds… sorry.”
“I forgive you,” Adriana says. “But only because you finally pulled your head out of your ass and put a ring on this guy’s finger.”
“Hmm, speaking of,” Sophia adds. “Why don’t y’all have engagement rings?”
Eddie’s head snaps over to Buck with wide eyes, because somehow this was the one thing neither of them had thought about yet.
“Uh, it was kind of unexpected,” he says truthfully, smiling at the two of them. “We’ll get rings for the ceremony.”
“Which is why we invited you here,” Eddie says. “We were hoping that you two could be our witnesses when we go to the courthouse this weekend?”
Both their eyebrows shoot up to their foreheads. “This weekend?” Adriana asks.
“You know how it is with the military,” Buck says with a shrug. Hell, at least him and Eddie had known each other for several years – some of the enlisted guys in their unit seemed to have gotten married after their third date with some random girl from tinder.
“That’s the other thing,” Eddie adds. “I’m moving back to Texas.”
Eddie takes a steadying breath as he pulls on the coat to his Army dress blues. He slowly buttons up the coat, taking note of the way his fingers don’t shake like they did the last time he put on his dress uniform for his wedding. He looks in the mirror and feels like almost no time has passed since he last did this and wonders if his family will think Buck is just another mistake. He wonders if he’ll be able to maintain the lie, if anyone could really believe that a guy like Buck could fall for Eddie, let alone want to marry him. And he tries not to think of the consequences if someone were to find out their secret and report them to whoever his commanding officer will be in El Paso.
He must stand there lost in his thoughts longer than he realized, because Adriana shows up, leaning against the doorframe. “Just checking on you,” she says with a smile in her eyes.
He flashes her a smile, trying to focus on the excitement of Buck moving with them, the joy of knowing that they won’t be separated for as long as they’re in the military.
“Almost ready,” he says, straightening out the medic insignia and the Combat Infantry Badge pinned to his chest.
“I’m really proud of you,” she says softly. “But…” Eddie braces himself for whatever she’s about to say, maintaining eye contact through the mirror. “Are you sure it’s not too soon after Shannon?”
Eddie lets out a sigh, knowing this question was going to come. “Look, Adri, I know this is fast. And I know how it looks from the outside. The divorce was finalized a year ago, but it was over between Shannon and I long before that. And Buck… Buck has been here every step of the way – literally since before Chris was even born. And with all the uncertainty that comes with being in the Army, I can’t risk Chris losing Buck, too.”
It's the truth – Buck’s importance in their lives was one thing that Eddie never had to lie about.
Him and Buck talked about it a lot; they had to have a lot of hard conversations to make sure this wasn’t a mistake. Eddie had concluded that this is what would be best for Chris. He was still young, too young to fully understand the meaning of marriage – but he was old enough to need positive role models in his life. They had talked about what it would mean to be platonically married; Buck said he wasn’t interested in dating again while he’s still in the Army, not after Abby. And Eddie – Eddie wasn’t sure he could ever fall in love again, not after how things ended with Shannon. So, a platonic marriage and all the benefits that came with it is the perfect arrangement – well, most of the benefits, as Buck had pointed out the other day.
“It feels right, Adri,” he adds, and he’s not lying about that either.
She smiles and pulls him in for a hug. “Okay,” she says happily, stepping back and straightening out the color of his shirt. “Then let’s get you married.”
Buck fiddles with the cuff links of his dress uniform as he waits on the steps of the courthouse. They had decided to get married off base, away from the drab yellow and brown buildings that haven’t been updated since the 60s. Not that the courthouse downtown was much better, grumpy people walking up the stairs to address a speeding ticket or some miscellaneous crime, and cops milling about making sure nothing got out of hand. The view wasn’t so great either; there wasn’t much to see downtown anyways – just a main street that wasn’t particularly safe or charming – but the courthouse just looked out on a massive parking lot.
It's not the beautiful wedding venue Buck would have imagined for himself, but he finds that he doesn’t really care. Because in a few minutes, Eddie will show up with Christopher, and that makes Buck feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
They had been planning on meeting at Eddie’s house and driving over together, but Adriana and Sophia had insisted that they weren’t allowed to see each other before the ceremony. This was hardly a traditional wedding, so Buck didn’t see why it mattered, but he didn’t want to get on their bad side before he even joined the family, so he complied.
Buck was joining the Diaz family.
He still can’t believe it – he’s about to marry Eddie Diaz. Eddie Diaz, his best friend, the one person besides Maddie who has been able to really see him. He thinks that maybe he should be terrified that he’s given up on love so young and decided to platonically marry his best friend, but it couldn’t feel more right. Living in a world where he can’t be with Eddie and Chris sounds like a worse hell than the second phase of Ranger School when he went through twenty days of sleep deprivation and near starvation in the rugged terrain of the Appalachian Mountains. He would happily repeat all of Ranger School if it meant getting to come home to Eddie and Chris.
He just wishes that Maddie could be here, too.
He spots the four Diazes walking through the parking lot, and feels a smile spread across his face. Adriana and Sophia are wearing sundresses, and Christopher looks adorable in his button-up shirt. Buck’s breath catches when his eyes settle on Eddie, looking downright handsome in his dress blues. His coat is tailored to him perfectly, showing off his broad shoulders and tapering down to his narrow waist. His beret is creased and folded over his forehead perfectly, in the way that only Eddie can achieve. Buck’s own beret is a little floppy; he doesn’t have to wear this uniform often, and when he does, Eddie has always folded his beret for him. Eddie smiles when he spots Buck, giving a small wave of his hand.
Although Buck knows that they’re only doing this so Buck can move with them, he can’t help the warmth that floods his chest and spreads all the way to his fingertips and his toes, filling him to the brim.
“Hey,” Eddie says softly when Buck meets them at the bottom of the stairs.
“Hi,” he says quietly. Eddie’s eyes are gentle, and in them Buck can see that Eddie isn’t having any second guesses about his decision.
“Buck!” Chris interrupts, hugging Buck’s leg until he bends down to lift Chris into his arms.
“Hey, buddy,” he says, Chris’s big smile making his heart grow several sizes as it always does.
“I can’t wait for you to move with us.”
He glances at Eddie over Christopher’s curls to find him smiling softly at the two of them. “Me too, Chris. I’m really excited, actually,” he says truthfully.
He carries Chris up the stairs, not ready to let him go, until Chris starts to complain that he wants to walk. Chris takes each of his aunt’s hands into his own when Buck puts him down, and Buck already finds himself dreading the day when Chris is too big to carry. It’s still several years away, and Buck wonders if Eddie will still want him around by then.
“You ready?” Buck asks quietly, leaning into Eddie’s space.
He sees Eddie’s smile out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, Buck, I am.”
Just as they’re about to step into the courthouse, he feels Eddie’s fingers brush against his before linking their hands together. Their fingers thread together perfectly, and Eddie’s hand is warm against his own. Buck knows it’s just for appearances, but it offers him comfort nonetheless, easing the nerves fluttering in his stomach.
Eddie gives his hand a reassuring squeeze, and they step through the doors.
The room is simple, missing the extravagance of the Catholic Church where Eddie and Shannon got married after Basic Training and just before Chris was born. His sisters are sitting with Chris now, watching Eddie and Buck with so much pride and joy in their eyes while Chris sits with a smile on his face. At five years old, Chris isn’t quite old enough to understand what this means, only that Buck will get to stay with them.
The officiant begins with some basic statements about marriage, as Buck and Eddie face each other. Eddie almost feels awkward, not knowing what to do with himself up here in front of half his family. But then Buck takes his hands and smiles at him, and when Eddie looks into his eyes, he knows that this is the right decision, both for himself and for his son.
“Do you, Eddie Diaz, take this man to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”
Eddie swallows. The first time he did this, he was terrified, doing what everyone in his life expected of him. This time though, this time Eddie is making this decision for himself. For Buck.
“I do.”
“Do you, Evan Buckley, take this man to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”
Buck smiles, and even though this is basically a fake marriage, Eddie sees tears in his eyes. “I do.”
Eddie can’t help the smile that spreads across his own face, mirroring Buck’s, and can’t help his joy from overflowing in a quiet laugh that spills past his lips.
The officiant smiles kindly at the two of them. “You may now exchange your vows.”
They had opted to write their own, feeling like it would be more honest than the traditional wedding vows – something from the heart that truly reflects their relationship. Eddie had liked the idea, not wanting to say the same wedding vows that both he and Shannon had broken – but now that he was up here in front of Buck, he was suddenly nervous. Not because he was questioning what they were doing, but because he looks at Buck standing here in front of him with shining eyes and realizes that no string of words that he came up with can capture how truly incredible Buck is, that he wouldn’t even be able to express what Buck means to him if he were a poet.
He clears his throat and looks into Buck’s eyes knowing that he can always find his strength in them. “Buck, I’m going to be honest…” he starts with a small laugh, trying to push past the nerves flickering beneath his skin. Buck squeezes his hand reassuringly, and he continues. “Nothing I say here today is enough to show what you mean to me and Christopher. I’m not sure words exist to capture the magnitude of my gratefulness to just have you in our lives, and God do I feel so lucky to be standing here with you today. When we first found each other on that first day of Basic Training, running those endless laps because some idiot didn’t wear his uniform correctly – ”
Buck laughs at the memory, and Eddie pauses to smile, thinking back to the way the burn in his lungs on their umpteenth lap disappeared the moment he turned his head to see brilliant blue eyes standing out amongst the sea of matching uniforms. “I couldn’t have known then the impact you would have on my life, but I did know by the end of that first lap together that you were someone special. And you have continued to prove that to me ever since – I mean, my God, just the past two weeks have continued to prove that.”
“Buck,” he continues, trying not to let himself choke up with emotion just as a tear slips out of the corner of Buck’s eye and trails down his cheek. “With you, I know that I will never have to do anything on my own. You inspire me, teach me, support me, every single day – whether we are at home on the couch with Chris, or flying over a foreign desert in a C-17. And I vow to you, Evan Buckley, to try every day to do the same for you, for as long as –” he pauses, realizing that they don’t quite have a timeline for this, “for as long as I can.”
Buck’s smile is blinding, and more tears have escaped from his eyes.
“I don’t think I can top that,” Buck says with a wet laugh. Eddie laughs too, feeling the sting of tears behind his own eyes, and tightens his grip on Buck’s hands. “But here we go.”
“Eddie, I was lost before I met you. And then Chris came along and – and you two just flipped my world upside down in the best way possible. You are the best friend I’ve ever had. In you, I’ve found a partner, a friend, and my biggest advocate – someone who supports me, who inspires me, and someone I can be my ugliest and most vulnerable with.” Eddie shakes his head, because Buck could never be ugly to him, and he finally feels a tear slip past his defenses and slide down his cheek.
“Thank you,” Buck continues, “for never making me feel like I’m too much, and for looking at me with those big, brown puppy dog eyes even when we all know I’m being too extra.” They both laugh, and from the side, Eddie can hear Christopher giggle.
“Thank you for seeing all of me, and for embracing me. For letting me into your life, for letting me be a part of Christopher’s. When I’m with the two of you, I feel like the best version of myself. So, I vow to you, Eddie Diaz, to always do my best to be the person that you see in me, and to always work towards being the husband you deserve. I promise to always support you and Chris, and to cherish this life with both of you.”
Eddie doesn’t know when his cheeks got so wet, but at some point while Buck as talking, he must have given up on trying to stop the tears. Because he knows that every word Buck says is true, and he doesn’t know how he got so lucky to have a friend like Buck in his life.
Then Adriana is there, handing them their rings, her own face streaked with tears. She squeezes Eddie’s arm before going back to her seat.
Eddie slides Buck’s ring onto his finger with steady hands, the dark tungsten beautiful against Buck’s pale skin. Buck smiles at him so brightly, and Eddie has never felt so sure of anything in his life. And then Buck is taking Eddie’s left hand and cradling it so gently before slipping a matching ring onto Eddie’s finger, and he feels joy bloom in his chest at the sight.
“By the virtue of the authority vested in me,” the officiant says – Eddie startles, almost having forgotten he was there. “I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss.”
Blood rushes through Eddie’s head, and all he’s aware of is the pounding of his heart, the feel of Buck’s hands in his own, and Buck’s blue, blue eyes. Buck looks at him with a question in his eyes, and Eddie gives a small nod so that only Buck can see it. It would be suspicious, after all, to refuse.
And then Buck is leaning forward, and Eddie meets him in the middle. It’s gentle and chaste, but Buck’s lips are so soft that Eddie allows himself to linger a moment longer, especially when he feels Buck’s hand warm against his cheek.
It’s over almost as quickly as it started, Buck pressing his forehead against Eddie’s as they take a moment to breathe each other in. And if Eddie leans in to capture Buck’s lips in one more kiss, well, it’s all just part of the act.
They walk out of the courthouse with Chris standing between them, his little hands clinging to each of them. Buck hasn’t known this kind of happiness since he was a kid, playing outside with Maddie until long after the sun went down. Even when him and Abby would laugh together endlessly on the couch of her apartment, his chest never felt so filled with joy – not the way it does now, with Christopher’s hand in his and Eddie smiling over at him.
Buck is married. He’s married to Eddie Diaz. He can’t believe that this is his life. He thinks that he must’ve done something good, to be here. That somewhere in his miserable past, he must have gotten at least something right in order for Eddie to want Buck around badly enough to marry Buck.
And he knows it won’t be forever – that’s why they wrote their own vows, so it wouldn’t be a total lie – but it will be long enough that they won’t have to be separated. And if one of them gets deployed, they know the other is waiting for them at home. That’s really all Buck could ever ask for. Getting to come home to Eddie and Christopher, knowing they won’t ever be forced to live apart on opposite sides of the country; he could die a happy man knowing that they want him around just as much.
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, and he’s hardly had time to actually think about what it will be like when they get to work on Monday. They have a meeting with their commander scheduled to file all the paperwork and disclose their “relationship.” As soon as that’s over, Buck knows word will spread like wildfire and they’ll be teased relentlessly – he can even think of a few guys who probably won’t talk to them anymore. But Buck can’t find it in himself to care, not when Eddie smiled so warmly at him throughout the ceremony, his honey brown eyes shimmering with tears.
When they reach the parking lot, Buck’s smile falls. It’s such a small thing, but he hates that he drove separately, not wanting to be apart even for the fifteen minutes it takes to get back to the Diaz house.
Eddie reaches behind Chris and squeezes Buck’s shoulder, that little smile he saves only for Buck tugging at his lips. “See you at home?”
Home. It hits him then, that he doesn’t have to go back to the barracks other than to move his few belongings out. It feels like a weight falling from his shoulders, knowing that he will always come home to the Diaz household, like he just finished a twelve-mile ruck and finally dropped his 60 pound rucksack, or the weightlessness he feels in those moments of freefall before he pulls his parachute.
“Yeah, see you boys at home,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to Chris’s curls.
“Actually…” Adriana starts.
Sophia interrupts before another word can leave Adriana’s mouth. “We have a surprise for you!”
Amused by their giddiness, Buck casts a glance at Eddie. He’s looking at them with an unimpressed look on his face. “I told you two not to get us anything.”
“Please,” Adriana says, “it’s your wedding night.”
Eddie’s face flushes, and Buck ignores the flutter in his stomach.
“We’ll stay with Chris tonight – you two have fancy dinner reservations and a nice hotel waiting for you.”
Eddie raises his eyebrow, unconvinced. “Ah yes, why didn’t I think to book at our classiest restaurant in town and take Buck to the Olive Garden, followed by a night at the fanciest Motel 6 off I-95?” he jokes, both of them knowing full well there’s hardly anywhere nice to go around here.
Both of Eddie’s sisters roll their eyes, looking so much like Eddie when he’s exasperated with Buck. “No you idiot, we booked it in the next city over. Go and enjoy your night together.”
Eddie finally gives in with a shake of his head. “Are you okay staying with your Tias?” he asks Chris, who nods enthusiastically.
“They already asked me,” he responds with a bright smile.
Eddie huffs a laugh, his turn to roll his eyes, but unable to hide his smile. “Of course, they did.”
They still have to swing by the house to pack an overnight bag, but Sophia takes the truck keys from Eddie so that Buck and Eddie can drive together.
“You okay with this?” Eddie asks, climbing into the passenger side. “Sorry, I – I didn’t even ask you before I agreed. God, I’m already screwing this up.”
He’s looking down at his hands, twisting his fingers nervously in his lap
“Hey, you’re not screwing anything up.”
When Eddie doesn’t look up, Buck reaches over the center console with his right hand and covers both of Eddie’s hands, stilling them so that Eddie looks up at him. “You’re not,” he says seriously.
Eddie only gives a small nod of acknowledgment, but Buck can see the tension seep from his shoulders. Buck squeezes Eddie’s hands gently before returning his hand to the gear shift.
“Now let’s go indulge your sisters and have a nice little weekend getaway.”
Buck feels out of place in the restaurant that Adriana and Sophia booked for them, with pristine white tablecloths and dim lights, gentle music playing in the background. Eddie looks around with wide eyes, before turning his attention to the variety of utensils laid out in front of each of them. There aren’t any restaurants like this near them, not even off base. But even if there was, this is never the type of restaurant they would choose – or be able to afford.
“Well, this certainly isn’t Olive Garden,” Eddie says. Buck laughs, his discomfort falling from his shoulders. It doesn’t matter where they are, Eddie always has a way of making Buck feel at home. Buck wishes Eddie could say the same for him, but Eddie is sitting up stiffly, tugging at the collar of his shirt every few moments like he’s itching to get out of here.
They had quickly changed out of their dress blues when they stopped at home. Knowing they were going right to the restaurant before stopping at the hotel, they had switched into something nice for dinner. Buck was glad that most of his civilian clothes were already in Eddie’s house, having slowly taken over half of the closet and dresser in the past few years.
Eddie looks great in his dark green button up, and Buck almost preens to be seen out with him like this – as husbands. He thinks that it wouldn’t be so bad to be in love with Eddie Diaz.
“We’re married,” Eddie says in disbelief, looking up at Buck with wide eyes.
Buck chuckles. “Yeah, we are.”
Eddie remains sitting upright, tension tight across his shoulders. Buck kicks playfully at his shin under the table. “Relax Eddie, it’s still you and me.”
Eddie shoulders relax and his eyes soften, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You’re right. Nothings really changed, right?”
“Exactly,” Buck agrees with a smile, pleased to see Eddie relax. There’s a tug in his chest that he doesn’t understand, so he ignores it in favor of opening up the wine list.
The time passes quickly from there, several courses coming out when they learn that Adriana and Sophia and prepaid for the meal to include the chef’s tasting menu. They might be a little out of place among a bunch of older straight couples quietly sipping their wine and taking small bites, but that hardly matters when they have each other.
After a decadent chocolate cake with a raspberry sauce for dessert, they leave the restaurant with full stomachs and heads buzzing from the wine pairings with each course.
“That is probably the most expensive meal I have ever eaten,” Eddie says as they walk back to the hotel. “I don’t think I even want to know what they paid for that.”
“It makes me feel a little bad,” Buck admits, looking over at Eddie guiltily.
Eddie shakes his head immediately. “Don’t. We may have gotten married for different reasons than most people, but that doesn’t make it any less important, right? We did what was best for us, for Christopher. And now we don’t have to be separated. Don’t you think that’s something to celebrate?”
Buck feels his heart swell, warmth flooding his veins and creeping up his neck until he feels his face flush. Eddie has been making him feel like that a lot lately.
“Yeah,” he admits a little breathlessly, constantly surprised by Eddie. “And here I was just planning to woo you on our wedding night with a Ready-to-Eat meal I have left over from last time we were out in the field,” Buck jokes, relishing in the way Eddie throws his head back to laugh.
“Hey as long as you were planning on giving me the Chili Mac, then I’d be happy to eat an MRE on our wedding night.”
Buck laughs, feeling lighter than he has in ages as he looks at Eddie under the glow of the streetlamps. “You know I keep a stash of that one in my rucksack for you.”
It was true. Buck would stash it away whenever he was able to grab one, so that he could give it to Eddie next time they were out in the field and the Chili Mac wasn’t an option. Usually when Eddie was stuck in the med tent late at night while they were out in the field for training exercises, Buck knew he wouldn’t have had a chance to eat. As soon as Buck was finished his turn on patrol, he would sneak to the tent to bring Eddie his meal.
“As happy as I am that you’re coming to Texas with me,” Eddie says with a subdued tone that worries Buck; he can hear a “but” coming. His mind automatically jumps into overdrive – was Eddie worried they would be spending too much time together when they move? Was Buck already overstepping?
Eddie sighs before he continues, while Buck waits with a bated breath. “I’m really going to miss being in the same unit.”
Buck lets out the breath he was holding, his heartrate returning to normal. “I’m gonna miss you too, Eds. But not as much as I would if I were stuck here without you.”
“Good point.” Eddie smiles at him again, and the look on his face is so gentle – softer than anything Buck deserves. But maybe it’s just a trick of the light under the dark sky.
It’s pretty late by the time they get to the hotel, having spent most of the night at the restaurant eating course after course. The lobby is warm and comfortable, with handcrafted furniture that gives the space a rustic feel. The woman behind the counter who checks them in keeps telling them how cute they are together, and Buck can’t help but blush, reminding himself he’s going to have to get used to this.
Eddie of course, remains stoic, his expression hardly changing except for the polite smile he gives her. But when they turn away with their room keys, Eddie surprises him yet again by slipping his hand into Buck’s. Their calluses are rough against each other, but their fingers thread together perfectly and Eddie’s hand is warm. Eddie falls into the role of the loving husband so well, and any concern that Buck may have had about anyone figuring out their secret suddenly disappears.
When they’re out of view from the concierge, they drop their hands without a word. Buck flexes his fingers, stopping himself from reaching back out.
Eddie unlocks the door to their room and opens the door, Buck following behind – and promptly running straight into Eddie’s back.
“Eddie, what – ” he looks up to see the single bed in front of them. Covered in rose petals. In the shape of a heart. Eddie is staring with his mouth open, and Buck can’t help but to burst into laughter. It’s so cheesy and stereotypical, and after their night has gone, with the fancy restaurant and the comments about what a great couple they make, this is just the cherry on top.
Eddie turns around and glares at him.
“Come on, Eddie, it’s not that big of a deal.”
And then Eddie’s eyes go wide, and he bursts into a fit of laughter as well. Buck turns to see what he’s looking at, and in the corner of the room is a heart-shaped bathtub that looks like it would barely fit the two of them. Buck tries to suppress his laughter, but with Eddie next to him combined with the absurdity of the situation, he collapses into a fit of laughter.
Everything else disappears around them as they fall against one each other, their shoulders shaking.
“That – is so – ridiculous,” Eddie gasps through his laughter, his sharp intake of breaths making Buck laugh even more. They laugh until they forget what they’re laughing about and Buck’s stomach hurts.
By the time their laughs subside, they’re lying on their backs across the bed, Eddie’s arm thrown over his eyes and hiding his face from view.
Buck takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself. “I wonder if Adriana and Sophia knew about that.”
Eddie groans, lowering his arm and turning his head to look at Buck. “I fucking hope not.”
Buck laughs again, but the exhaustion of the day finally starts to hit him, and he feels sleep tugging at his eyes. “Ugh, I gotta shower before I pass out.”
He turns his head to look at Eddie and finds him already looking back. His eyes are like molten chocolate in the dim lights of the room, decadent like the cake they had for dessert.
“You can take the tub, I’ll take the shower,” Eddie says, a small smile on his lips. Buck smacks him on the chest with the back of his hand before sitting up and staring down at him.
“I mean, it is our wedding night,” he smirks, “you can join me in the tub.”
He’s just teasing, but he loves the way Eddie’s face flushes red and his eyes dart away from him in embarrassment. Buck bursts out laughing again, and Eddie sits up to shove him.
“Get out of here,” Eddie says with a laugh. “You win, you get the shower – besides,” he adds, scrunching up his nose, “you stink.”
“Do not!” Buck says, mock offended. He stands up to grab his stuff for his shower, turning one last time towards Eddie. His shirt is rumpled, another button having come undone to expose just a little bit of chest hair. His hair is a mess compared to how it was before they got back to the hotel, sticking up in different directions but looking as soft as ever.
It hits him again that they’re married now. Buck is married to Eddie Diaz. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it.
“Um,” Buck starts, ever so eloquently. “I’m really happy.”
Eddie looks up at him from where he sits on the bed, leaning back on his hands. “Yeah, Buck. Me too.”
Buck’s heart flutters in his chest, as if marrying Eddie made it suddenly grow wings and it’s trying to fly away. To where, Buck isn’t sure. With the same smile on his lips that seems to have been plastered on his face all day, Buck turns away from Eddie to go shower.
He showers quickly, appreciating the good water pressure that makes him grateful that he doesn’t ever have to go back to the shower in the barracks, but exhausted from the long day and ready to climb into the warm bed.
Afterwards, he lies in bed in his pajamas and waits for Eddie to come back out of the bathroom. He hears the steady stream of water turn back on, and for the first time all evening, thinks about the fact that in a few minutes Eddie will be lying right next to him, sharing the heat of the covers.
It's not like they haven’t slept next to each other before. They’ve spent countless nights in the woods with their heads propped up on their rucksacks as a pillow, nothing but their poncho liners and the solid lines of their bodies pressed against one another for heat. They were lucky if they were allowed more than an hour or two of shut eye before getting up for the next patrol, which was why they didn’t even bother pulling out their sleeping bags or sleeping mat. Being next to each other was usually enough – next to Eddie was generally the only time Buck could get any sleep in the field, his presence a soothing balm to the chaos surrounding them.
So, there’s no reason to be hyper aware of his own heartbeat, or for the restlessness crawling beneath his skin despite the exhaustion begging him for sleep.
The shower turns off, and a few minutes later Buck feels the dip of the bed as Eddie joins him. Buck lays on his side facing away from him, knowing that Eddie sleeps on his back and their shoulders would likely be pressed together if Buck were on his back too, the bed just a little too small for two grown military men. Buck would usually lay on his back, the sleep position ingrained in them both after several years in the Army – always ready to jump into action, even in sleep. But with Eddie next to him, Buck feels like he can let his guard down, surprised at how safe he feels.
“Hey Buck?” Eddie whispers into the silence.
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
Buck rolls over to look at him and finds Eddie’s brown eyes staring back at him, as warm as ever in the shimmer of light from the street that filters through the windows. He has an open, vulnerable expression that Eddie hardly ever shows. The sight does something complicated to Buck’s chest that would usually force his gaze away, but under the cover of darkness and everything else that has happened today, he allows his eyes to linger.
“I should be the one thanking you,” Buck whispers back.
Eddie smiles that private smile reserved just for Buck. “I don’t know how I was lucky enough to have a friend like you.”
Buck feels the exact same way, endlessly grateful that Eddie and Chris want him around. The best he can do is offer Eddie a smile, as his tiredness finally threatens to take him under now that he’s relaxed by Eddie’s side.
Before he can stop himself, his eyes fall closed and his mind starts to drift into the lull of sleep.
“Goodnight, Buck,” he hears whispered in the dark, just before he’s pulled all the way into a peaceful slumber.
Eddie wakes slowly, remaining in the space between sleep where he’s protected by the warmth that surrounds him. He allows himself to sink further into the comfort of the covers, burrowing into the warm, solid line of a body behind him, allowing himself to be held a moment longer in the haze of his sleep.
The arm wrapped securely around his waist tightens, and Eddie almost breathes a sigh of relief. It’s been so long since he’s had the luxury of waking slowly, let alone a good night’s rest free from nightmares or the looming threat of a 5 a.m. alarm. But even more indulgent is the feeling of waking up in someone’s arms, strong and soothing at the same time.
The warm press of lips against the nape of his neck brings Eddie into wakefulness, his eyes snapping open and his steady heartbeat spiking.
Buck.
Eddie is laying in Buck’s arms, who’s chest is pressed against his back, his legs tucked just behind Eddie’s – and it’s the most comfortable Eddie thinks he has ever been.
Eddie only has a moment to panic before Buck mumbles behind him, pressing his forehead against Eddie’s neck where his lips had just been moments earlier.
“Stop freaking out,” Buck grumbles, his voice rough from sleep, apparently unaware that he had practically just kissed Eddie. “Let’s just enjoy a few more minutes before we have to get up.”
Eddie allows himself to relax, and Buck nuzzles in closer.
“This okay?” Buck whispers, his breath warm against Eddie’s skin.
Eddie nods but realizes that Buck probably didn’t see it with the way his head is tucked against Eddie.
“Yeah,” he breathes, surprised that he actually is okay with this, that he can allow himself to be held. For some reason, with Buck, he finds that he doesn’t need to worry – that even though waking up in his friend’s arms should feel weird, with Buck, it feels right.
They continue lying like that for an undeterminable amount of time, giving into the comfort of each other and the softness of the mattress beneath them, drifting in and out of sleep.
Eventually, Eddie’s alarm goes off and brings them back to full awareness. Both of them groan, Buck rolling onto his back and leaving Eddie cold without him. Eddie takes a deep breath, preparing himself to leave the protection of the comforters. “Guess that’s our cue to get up.”
He thinks he would be happy to lay in bed like this with Buck all day, but they have to get back home to bring Adriana and Sophia to the airport, both of them needing to get back before work tomorrow. With one last grunt of complaint, Eddie forces himself out of bed, missing the warmth of Buck and the covers immediately.
They make quick work of getting ready for the day before heading down for breakfast in the hotel. It’s the fanciest continental breakfast Eddie has ever seen, with a spread of nice cheeses and meats, a platter of croissants, and an assortment of fresh fruits. Buck, of course goes straight to the waffle maker, and Eddie certainly doesn’t complain when Buck makes one for him as well.
“Man, I wish Chris was here,” Buck says as he places a perfectly cooked waffle onto his plate and covers it in chocolate chips and maple syrup. It warms Eddie’s heart, knowing that Buck thinks about Chris just as much as he does, missing him when they’ve only been gone for one night. And it reaffirms yet again that they were making the right decision. For themselves, and for Chris.
When they get into the jeep to drive home, Buck looks over at him with a hopeful look on his face, his eyes so bright that he doesn’t need to be smiling for Eddie to know that he’s happy.
“Ready for this?” Buck asks, and Eddie knows that he’s not talking about the drive home. He’s talking about their future. Their future together, with Chris, with the Army – and all the unpredictability and uncertainty that their future holds.
He looks back at Buck and smiles, feeling the same hope reflected in Buck’s eyes. “Yeah, Buck. I’m ready.”