Archive of Our Own

Sunday  

It shouldn’t have been so hard to find his polishing kit. His tiny apartment in the Bronx was just that - tiny. How far could it have gone? He had unpacked it when he moved in last month and he swore he had just seen it the other day. 

A quick glance at the clock radio on his nightstand told him it was already nine o’clock in the morning. The angry red numbers told him that he needed to get going if he wanted to be to church on time. And no way was he going to be late or show up with scuffed shoes.  

Gone were the days of Sunday mornings where he slept in when he wasn’t on duty. Along with that was the loss of comfortable loafers and a robe while he sat around sipping coffee.

“Ricardo! Church on Sunday and then dinner with Auntie Alma at your grandmother’s. And dress proper. Nice slacks, shirt, tie, shined shoes,” his mother told him the second day he was home. And who was he to say no to the women who made him all of his favorite foods every weekend even though he was forty years old?

He let out a little cheer when he found the kit under his dresser. How it got there was a mystery but not one he’d spend much time on. He was back on track for getting to church on time. He dabbed his polishing cloth into a bit of water to dampen it before he put it in the container of polish. This was always an exercise that soothed him. Whenever shit was out of control in Miami, he shined his dress uniform shoes. It seemed to make everything quiet down in his head and helped him think more clearly. 

And shit was always out of hand down there. He shook his head and let out a sigh as he made careful small circles on the soft leather shoes with the cloth. Miami made him realize law enforcement would never be what he thought it should be. The only truly good thing that had come out of it was meeting James “Sonny” Crockett. The man who was his partner and became his best friend. Yeah Miami had been a long and exhausting nightmare but it’s where he met one the most important people in his life.

It had been full of discoveries, some of them pretty good. He’d met some great people and lost some even greater people. The scenery was good, both the nature and the human kind. He had plenty of women and some good times with them. Even had a son but he couldn’t think about that. No one knew what had happened to Ricardo Jr. and he couldn’t think about that without his heart aching for the baby he never had a chance to know. That hurt would never leave his heart or his soul. 

He frowned as he started on the other shoe as his thoughts drifted more through that time. Right before his very brief affair with Angelina he’d discovered something else about himself. He thought it was the stress or the confusion of everything but whatever it was he had started noticing men the way he’d previously only noticed women. It hadn’t been a welcome or necessarily believed discovery.

A lot of self doubt and self hate came into play. He battled himself and sifted though hours of his own thoughts. Self hate, doubt, pain, elation, contentedness, and then back to self hate. Round and round he went for a while. Finally some self acceptance, though strained acceptance. Acceptance was everything every shrink has ever claimed it was though. Acceptance meant his mind slowing down and being able to focus. It wasn’t total though. Can’t have total acceptance of yourself when you refuse to admit these things out loud. 

He sighed and put down his polishing cloth. Satisfied his shoes were church ready he put them near the door and went to get dressed. He pulled on a white button down shirt and gray slacks that weren’t as dressy as his mother would like but would do for now and paired with it a forest green tie. That tie looks good with your eyes, someone once said. That someone had been Sonny. And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sonny had blushed. Rico never told him about his desire for men. Nor did he tell him about the men he had been with while he figured out if it was real.

And he sure as hell never told Sonny that he was attracted to him. Never. And never told him how much it hurt to leave Miami without him. He had to though because staying there was its own form of torment. Being around a man he loved like a brother and a best friend but one he wanted to love in another way? In a dark and primal way? That created too much friction in his head. Sonny wasn’t like that so that secret longing would have to stay inside of him. 

The love and lust and near angry need had grown in his chest. It hit him not like a truck but like a wave. It pulled out and grew stronger with each passing moment. And then it crashed over him and left him scared. Scared to lose his best friend and scared of his own feelings. He had been a mess by the time they both quit the force. No one knew though. He kept it all inside, which was not his way. Usually he talked things out and tried to come to reasonable closures. Not this time. This time he ran and buried the feelings. 

And now he was home and needed to get his life back into some kind of order. Some kind of acceptable existence without being a cop. Without Sonny. Without part of him. He finished getting ready and moved to make his bed and let the memories keep hitting him.

His thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. Probably his mom reminding him about church like she did every week. Even though he’d never forget because he really didn’t need a lecture. He leaned over and picked up the receiver, battling the tangled cord a bit. 

“Hello?” he said with a smile.

“Well you sound happy! Hello to you too!” came the smooth voice from the other end of the line.

Sonny. 

It was like he knew Rico was thinking of him. He tried to not think about Sonny often, even though they spoke once a week and always on Wednesday. He closed his eyes and let Sonny’s rich baritone that was slightly scratchy from smoking wash over him. Goddamn. All of a sudden he realized that he missed him so much that it hurt.

“Sonny. Man, how are you? It’s not Wednesday!” he said with an even wider smile as he sat on his bed. 

The warm chuckle he got in response tickled his stomach. “Are we getting that predictable? I guess so. I’m, I’m okay. I know it’s Sunday and you’re busy with family so I’ll keep it short. What are you up to the next few weeks?”

“Nothin’ too serious. I told you I decided to go back to school? Become a teacher? I just have to file some more paperwork. Otherwise I’m tryin’ to get this place to be more like a home and less like a place where I just crash.” He eyed the still unpacked boxes he had jammed into the closet.

He could hear Sonny’s playful grin when he responded. “Crash and take the pretty ladies home to?”

Honestly he hadn’t been taking anyone home or going to anyone’s home. He couldn’t think like that after leaving Miami. It all hurt too much. 

“Something like that,” he grumbled. “Why? What are you doing?”

There were a few beats of silence. He knew Sonny well enough to know that he was suddenly nervous.

“Well, I - I thought maybe I’d come visit New York. See the big bad city as a tourist and not as a cop.”

His head began to spin. If he ever thought he’d packed Sonny away it was clear now he hadn’t. Sonny in his home? Even just for a visit sounded like heaven.

“You can stay here. I have a couch. It’s actually comfortable,” he replied almost too quickly. 

He was on his feet now, pacing the small apartment. He’d have to buy some more blankets. Maybe a few more pillows. The couch was really comfortable. It was a welcome home and housewarming gift from his sister and brother in law. He’d fallen asleep on it a few times while watching tv or reading and he never woke up feeling sore. 

Food. He’d have to buy some more food. He didn’t mind cooking but he often ate at his mom’s house or got take out. He glanced around the small kitchen. He had a pot or two and a frying pan. A few dishes that were on the drying rack. The fridge he didn’t bother opening because he knew what was in there. Some apples, a jar of pickles, and leftovers from dinner at his mother’s house. 

Yeah he definitely needed more food. 

He wandered back to the living room. Oooh and he’d probably have to get cable hooked up too. He’d been making do with the antenna and NBC that came in most of the time and CBS and ABC that came in well enough. He’d like the nice 50 channel package though. 

“Thanks, Tubbs. Anyway I’m flying in next Wednesday and-”

“JFK or LaGuardia? I’ll pick you up, man,” he interrupted. 

“Excited to see me?” Sonny’s grin came though in his voice.

Rico blushed and was happy Sonny was on the phone and not in front of him. “Just don’t want you to get lost or cause too much trouble, Crockett.” He hoped his false bravado hid the tremble in his voice.

He heard Sonny laugh gently. “JFK, eleven in the morning.”

“I’ll be there.”

“See you then, partner.”

He hung up the phone and let out a sigh. The man who was his brother, his partner, and his best friend was coming to see him. The wave was pulling out and getting stronger again. And he was scared. 

 ***

Wednesday  

JFK was its usual overcrowded nightmare. In some ways he had started to like the lower, more spread out density living in Florida. He liked having more room to stretch his legs. But an airport was an airport and they were always crowded, noisy, and irritating. 

He leaned against the wall near the gate where Sonny’s flight would be disembarking. The plane had just landed and had taxied to the gate. He watched with a stomach full of fluttering anticipation as the jetway was connected quickly for the passengers to use. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we welcome Eastern Air Lines flight 203 from Miami! Passengers will be exiting at Gate 12A.” The tinny sound of the announcement startled Rico and snapped his attention to the gate again.

In just minutes he’d be looking into those deep blue eyes again. They were the same color as the deep water of the ocean. They were beautiful and held all the light and joy he needed. Whenever he felt off center, he always looked to those eyes. They were everything that was reliable and right in his world during those five years. Sometimes the only thing that was reliable and right. 

He sucked in a deep breath as the first passengers exited at the gate. Harried parents with kids, grandparents, businesspeople in rumpled suits and skirts, and giggling college kids came walking through the gate. And then finally, after about thirty passengers, Sonny appeared. He was wearing blue jeans, a maroon tee shirt, and a leather bomber jacket. It was October and the chill in the air had set in so he was glad to see Sonny had realized he’d need to bring a jacket. 

It had been four months but seeing him felt like not a day had passed. He gave him his biggest grin as he walked over. They stared at each other a moment before embracing. 

“Got your hair cut, I see,” he said as they hugged. He liked it better a little shorter. Their last year on the force was so full of bullshit that they both often didn’t bother with basic things like that. The sandy blond strands looked even silkier than normal and Rico wondered what they felt like now. He pulled back to look at Sonny. 

Sonny grinned back. “Yeah just a throwback to a few years ago.” He let out a long sigh. “It’s good to see you, partner. So good to see you again.” 

He was shocked by the softness and fondness in Sonny’s voice. Couldn’t let himself read into it though. He regarded Rico as his best friend. Those eyes though. They seemed to hold a lot of warmth and fondness as they stared into his face. More fondness than he expected. 

“Good to see you too. Ready to spend a few weeks in my place? It’s bigger than your boat but definitely smaller than my beach house,” he said as he grabbed the larger of Sonny’s carryon bags. “Any checked luggage?”

Sonny shook his head. “Traveled light and didn’t want them to lose anything.” He glanced around him at the throngs of people wandering around them. “This place is a zoo. Take me home, Rico,” he said.  A blush worked over his face. “I mean my home for the next few weeks.” He laughed.

Blood rushed from his brain directly south. How many times had he thought about Sonny saying that to him? How many fantasies had begun that way? Those blue eyes shining, that mouth whispering the three words “take me home,” and then Sonny laid out before him on his bed. Sonny writhing, aching, begging for more and more. Sonny in his arms afterward, letting himself be cared for and adored. 

He willed those thoughts away. No need to be walking around with a hardon and a stupid smile in the middle of the airport. He sucked in a deep breath and led Sonny out of the airport and into the October air. To home.

 ***

Later that day, really in the evening, they were sitting on Rico’s couch looking over some photos that Sonny had brought. One of his carryon bags was half full of photos, some even in frames. Many of them were of the marina and of the Saint Vitus Dance. Some were from the department and various events like barbecues and softball games. All of them held a memory for him. 

One caught his eye. It was a photo of him and Sonny. They were at the beach and both wearing shorts, t-shirts, and sunglasses. He remembered the day. It was a volleyball tournament for the department. It had been one of the few fun team building exercises. In the photo, he and Sonny were leaning in towards each other. He had his hands in his pockets and Sonny’s arms were crossed over his chest. Both of them were grinning like they had not a care in the world. And maybe for that one moment they didn’t. 

What got his attention though was the photo was in a frame. He held it carefully in his hands and ran his fingers down the side of the frame. 

“I, uh. I thought maybe you’d like that?” Sonny’s voice came to him as he touched a finger to their happy faces in the photo. 

He nodded. “I had forgotten about this day. It was a great day. We beat the hell out of Homicide.” He chuckled. 

Sonny actually had three other framed photos for him. One of him on the Saint Vitus, lounging under the watchful eye of Elvis. He hadn’t remembered Sonny taking that and decided to pack away the question of why he might have for later thought. 

Another was of them and Castillo having some cigars. They were in Marty’s backyard. Some sort of small celebration. Another snippet in time of when things almost were on the level.

And the third was just himself and Sonny again, looking at each other and grinning like idiots at some restaurant. 

“Gina took that one. I think it was some retirement dinner.”

Rico nodded. He remembered. He and Sonny were well lubricated on whiskey. They had laughed over nothing half the night and pretty much ignored everyone outside of each other. That was the night that cresting wave of emotion for Sonny finally rolled over him. 

The photos did mean a lot to him. But why were these framed?

As if he read his mind, Sonny cleared his throat. “I brought these for you. If you wanted any memories of Miami. I thought you might like them out?” Sonny stood and placed the first one on the end table near the recliner.

His heart pounded. It meant a lot of have those photos. And they were memories he wanted to keep close. Ones he could look at every day once Sonny left again. He looked over at him and watched him place two more of the frames on another end table.

“Maybe this one on the wall?” It was the one from the retirement dinner. It would be perfect where Sonny was going to hang it. 

“Yeah, man. Thanks.” He knew he was grinning like a fool. He couldn’t help it. Sonny had been around just six hours and he was back to being all that made Rico smile. 

They sat there in a weird but not uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Rico cleared his throat. 

“I’m assuming you need a good meal and a rest. We can go out or stay in and cook?” He was a bit tired and kind of hoped Sonny would want to go out.

They were always in sync. “We can go out. It’s already after seven. No point dirtying up the kitchen. Try that Greek place we passed by?”

“Perfect.”

 ***

Thursday  

Rico woke up to a neighbor yelling to another neighbor about the garbage pickup. He stretched and felt his back unknot. His mattress was a good and firm mattress that he’d gone out of his way to find. Part of him wanted to roll back over and get some more sleep. 

As he lied there, the smell of coffee hit him. Then he remembered Sonny was there. They’d had a great dinner and had sat up until midnight talking about this and that. Mostly about what they both had planned. 

Rico told him about his plans to go to school and become a high school teacher. Sonny said he wasn't surprised at all to hear that. He said he was proud of him and that slammed into Rico’s heart. As for Sonny, he said he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He thought of going out to the Caribbean but he wasn’t sure that was where he needed to be.

He’d figure it out though. Sonny always did. He just wished Sonny understood how much where he was needed was near Rico. 

He pulled on a robe and shuffled down the short hall to the kitchen. He leaned against the doorway to watch Sonny making some eggs. He had on a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. His arms were still tan and still well defined. He watched the muscles flex as Sonny beat the eggs before pouring them into the pan. There was nothing the man did that wasn’t somehow sexy. 

“Nothing beats the smell of fresh made coffee in the morning,” he said as he pulled away from the door jamb and went to sit down at the kitchen table. 

“Good morning to you too.” He put a mug down in front of Rico. 

He took a sip and smiled. “You aren’t a morning person. What gives?” he asked as Sonny scooped the eggs from the pan onto two plates. He put the plates which were loaded with eggs, toast, and potatoes onto the table followed by a plate of sliced up fruit on the table. “Or a fruit person.”

Sonny shrugged. “I’m not but I know you are.” He glanced up at him quickly. “And the doc said I needed to start eating healthier. So I figure fruit is a good place to start.” His eyes glinted with his smile.

His heart happily thrummed at the sight of the smile that reached Sonny’s eyes. The last time they were together his eyes had been weary. They’d been through so much and no matter what happened or what they did everything got murkier and murkier. There were never any answers. Just more questions they no longer wanted to ask but weren’t given a choice. 

They had both been at the breaking point for a while so it was a relief to turn their badges in. Well, they threw them in. That moment would be in his mind forever. He felt bad only because Castillo believed in them and he felt like he was letting him down. Who hadn’t he let down though in those years? 

Back then he could barely look anyone in the eye. And when he did? He only saw darkness. Sonny’s eyes back then were more often than not full of sadness, exhaustion, caution, and disgust. He was used to that. Still, Sonny was the only one who could make him feel slightly at ease back then. 

This was nicer though. These eyes and this smile he was looking into? They reminded him of barbecues and retirement parties and the occasional night of relaxation. Those moments were too few and he had begun to cling to them and try to get them to come out. Moments of Sonny’s eyes revealing he wasn’t closed off had kept Rico going. 

As they ate they talked about what they were doing that day. Plans were to go to a department store and buy some things, then lunch out, an afternoon taking in a few local sights, and dinner with his mother. When he told his mom Sonny was coming up to visit she had smiled and said to make sure Rico brought him by. She had met him just twice but both times she talked about him for weeks.

So well mannered and charming. Rico. You have no idea how lucky you are to work with that man.

And Sonny liked his mother too. Liked how she was still Rico’s rock and one of his confidantes. He had never intended for them to meet but they had for the first time when they were sent from Miami to New York to follow a trail. And she had insisted. 

His thoughts were sidelined by Sonny licking a bit of jam off of his thumb. His tongue swept the jam away and then licked over his pouty bottom lip. His brain tilted and he knew he was in trouble. He looked back down to his plate and ate the rest of his eggs. 

The problem was he had felt empty since he left Miami. He only wanted to be near Sonny but being near Sonny also reminded him he wanted more. It was a mess and he needed to let that go but it was everything that kept him going too. 

“Tubbs!” Sonny shouted. “You in there?”

Rico realized he got lost in his thoughts and Sonny had been talking. 

“Sorry, man. These eggs are just how I like ‘em and I don’t know how you remembered.” That was true too. He liked his scrambled eggs done just to the side of soft so they weren’t runny but not too firm or overdone. It was a delicate balance. 

Sonny shook his head. “We were detectives. Noticing stuff was our job. Anyway,” he stood up to grab the pot of coffee, “I was asking what time you wanted to leave?” He poured them each another cup of coffee.

“I’d like a shower, assume you would too. I’ll let you take the first? I got towels and stuff under the sink in the bathroom.” 

That got an affirmative nod from Sonny. He watched as he got up and washed his plate before putting it on the drying rack. Sonny in that tank scrubbing a plate was somehow the hottest thing he’d seen in a while. Without mandatory standards it was easy for ex cops to get out of shape. It appeared Sonny was still working out. Rico was too. He spent time at the YMCA gym in an effort to keep busy as well. 

He shook thoughts of Sonny’s muscular shoulders out of his head and took his own plate to the sink. 

“You gonna shave?” he asked offhandedly.

“I’m on vacation, Tubbs!” Sonny said with a grin and sauntered out of the kitchen, coffee still in hand. 

That was fine. He liked looking at that stupidly sexy stubble anyway. He hummed to himself as he finished his coffee. It would be a good day. All of the days with Sonny here would be. But then he’d be gone again. Rico shook his head in an attempt to shake away the creeping dark thoughts. 

He had to stay in the present. 

 ***

A little over an hour later they were in Macy’s. He just wanted some jeans and maybe some nice wool trousers. He was slowly getting back into New York and the need for linen pants wasn’t there anymore. 

“Tubbs!”

He looked over to see Sonny with a stack of…were those sheets?

“I have sheets for the couch. We just went to sleep late last night. I’ll properly make it up tonight,” he said with an eye roll. 

Sonny frowned. “No. For your bed. You said you got a new bed and I know you never accepted that good sheets were worth it. So I’m buying these. For your bed.”

His mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out. What exactly does one say to that? They both stood there, in the main aisle and in the way, both trying to figure out what to say.

“I’m just sleeping. I don’t need sheets that cost that much.”

“One set. Let me buy you one set,” Sonny challenged. “Do you need more pillows?” He glanced back at the display of fluffed pillows that looked like clouds.

His brow furrowed. “N-no, maybe?” he stammered. He moved closer to Sonny. “Are you okay? Is there something you aren’t telling me? You’re not dying are you? Because I’m a little worried,” he asked in a hushed voice.

It would be like Sonny to have something wrong and not tell and instead just do things like this. It was the patented Not Only Is Nothing Wrong, Everything Is Perfect! move. He did it all the time instead of talking. 

Sonny seemed offended. “What? It’s a housewarming present. It’s a set of sheets!”

“Okay okay. Just making sure, man. Fine. Get the sheets.” He went back to looking for his size on the rack of trousers.

He needed some dressier pants for Sunday dinners with his grandmother. Even his mother had begun bothering him about it. He quickly forgot about the sheets and kept his focus on finding pants. 

Suddenly Sonny was next to him again, holding a decent sized appliance box “Have you considered getting a blender?”

 ***

They had lunch at a little bistro and enjoyed some hearty sandwiches and soup after their shopping. Sonny had bought a blender so they took that and the rest of their things home before heading out to the botanical gardens. He was thankful the subways weren’t overly packed in the early afternoon as they headed to the gardens. 

The gardens were somewhere he always loved. His grandfather used to spend hours just sitting there, breathing and relaxing. Anytime of year is the right time for the outdoors and beauty like this, Ricardo, he had told Rico. He missed the old guy, even though he definitely would not have approved of Rico’s life. 

Wasn’t just his grandfather though. He kept a lot of what had happened in Miami and who he knew he was to himself. He never told his mother or his grandmother about his son. They would have been crushed. And he never told them he was fairly certain he didn’t want to settle down with another woman ever again.

His grandfather certainly wouldn’t have understood any of that. Still, being in the gardens reminded him of his childhood. He and Rafael would go with his grandfather on various days off from school and during summer break. Autumn was gorgeous there too and it was a perfect day. The sun warmed their faces even with the crisp autumn smell in the air.

“Wow. This is really beautiful,” Sonny said as they walked the trails. He was smoking which Rico realized he had missed. He didn’t smoke cigarettes but smelling the acrid smoke rising from a cigarette between Sonny’s lips was comforting to him.

He shrugged. “It’s not Everglades park with its flamingos but it’s still nice.”

Sonny looked at him with confusion. “Totally different. This is an oasis in the urban center. It’s peace. We don’t have enough of that.” 

Something darker flashed across Sonny’s face for a moment. He had the feeling there was a lot unsaid. And he felt it in his chest. They had known little peace in Miami and the brief glimpses were merely a calm before a storm or the eye of one that gave them just a moment to breathe. He wasn’t sure that life in Miami would hold any peace for him as a civilian given all he had been through. 

Sonny’s eyes flashed to sadness again. No, that wasn’t ok. Those eyes shouldn’t hold sadness anymore. Sonny flicked the ash from his cigarette and sighed.

“It’s an oasis for us. We deserve it, don’t you think?” He looked out at all the maple trees that were giving up their leaves. Bursts of color, one last gasp, and the promise of more next season. 

They were standing close enough that their shoulders brushed. Physicality was common with them and a sign of their bond over the years. It also always made Rico’s heart pound. So close he could smell Sonny’s cologne mixed with the soaps and shampoos that Sonny favored. He had noticed that over the years and made sure he had them there for Sonny. The biting smell of his cigarette should have ruined it but it only added to the perfect mix that was Sonny. 

Sonny gave him a small smile. “We deserve everything, partner. Peace and happiness.”

His chest was full and happy already just being around Sonny. He never again wanted to feel the emptiness that had existed in the months since they had been apart. He just had to stop thinking about the fact they only had a few short weeks.

  ***

Sunday  

His mother had been delighted to see Sonny again. They had stopped by on Friday to have dinner with her. It helped that Sonny regaled her with tales of Rico’s eventual love for Elvis and the boat. And he charmed her with a bouquet of flowers and a box of her favorite pastries. 

He did such a good job that day that he got Rico out of church for the next two Sundays. They’d of course still have Sunday dinner with his grandmother. Which is where they were headed later that day. 

They had enjoyed a lazy morning of breakfast and lounging around sharing stories of their early years as police officers. 

“Man, I don’t know how I made it though my rookie year,” he said with a chuckle. 

They were stretched out on the couch still in sleeping clothes. Sonny’s hair was sticking up in a few places and it was so damn cute he wanted to laugh. Laugh and run his hands through it like they were a couple of kids. Instead he leaned over and clicked off the television with the remote. 

Sonny snorted. “You don’t even want to know about my rookie year. And then my first year in vice? Hell. So many times I wanted to quit.” Sonny’s eyes softened. “Glad I didn’t though. Wouldn’t have gotten a chance to have my best and last partner.”

The words hung between them and Rico had no idea how to deal with them. The last few days had been this way. So many words that could be taken in so many ways. Touches that once would have been just the sign of two close partners but now seemed to hold more. Touches that didn’t even need to happen and yet they did. 

Sonny’s eyes were soft again. When they went soft they were relaxed and the wrinkles on the outer corners smoothed out a bit. His own face was heating so much he had to look away for a moment. 

“I mean it, partner.” Sonny sat up a little and fixed him with a look he used when he needed to keep someone’s attention. “Even after you joined I wanted to walk away so many times. Hell, I wanted to walk away from being alive a few times.” He chuckled bitterly. 

That caught his attention and he sat up too. He reached for Sonny and grabbed his knee. “What the hell does that mean?” The air around them suddenly felt crushing. 

“Means what it sounds like. Listen, my life was never anything to get excited about. An ex wife who I put through hell, a son I never saw enough who to this day feels like he doesn’t know me, corruption around me always, a string of meaningless relationships. And then another marriage and person literally destroyed by the job.” They were staring  into each other’s eyes and both were breathing shallowly. 

Rico looked down for a moment to break the spell. He couldn’t understand. Well, he did understand but the thought that Sonny had been that low broke him. Made him want to pull the stubborn asshole against him and never let go. 

“Crockett,” he started as he looked up again.

Sonny held up a hand. “Let me finish. The worst though? Lauderdale. Me taking a shot at you and destroying all we had and we could have had and I,” he swallowed hard. Rico watched him fight for composure. “I thought you’d be better off if I was a fading memory.”

That just pissed him off. “You asshole.” Sonny’s eyebrows went way up. “No, don't look all shocked. You actually tried to assume you knew how I’d feel? If you’d, if you’d died -  if you’d ended it all, I would have been a shell. Nothing there, man. Nothing would have been left. Yeah Lauderdale was fucked up and it took me time to forgive and trust again. I fought every day though to speed that up because I knew that wasn’t you. You aren’t Burnett.”

Sonny’s mouth opened in shock. He wanted to laugh. He knew Sonny didn’t know his true feelings but he seriously could be shocked? He seriously didn’t know how much he meant and how much he was to Rico. He was every stupid poetic thing he could think of. Sonny was every sunrise and sunset and every dumb little song on the radio about waves and love and all that. He was the first thing Rico thought of every morning and the last before he fell asleep. And that was even when Rico was with Valerie.

He bit his lip and shook his head. “I know sometimes I share too much but goddamn. You need to know how much you being gone would have fucked people up. And that includes me. Maybe most of all me. “

“I’m sorry,” Sonny whispered. “You were what kept me from giving in. You kept me strong. You were, you are so strong. Not afraid of anything.”

He winced. That was a lie. If he was not afraid he would be honest about who he was. He picked at the blanket that was over him. It was something his mom had crocheted. Blues that faded into greens. Like the water in Miami. Like Sonny’s eyes sometimes when the light would hit them just so. 

His heart and stomach churned with self loathing for not being strong enough to tell Sonny he was the only one for him. He needed to be strong enough for himself and for Sonny but he couldn’t. 

“I’m weak about a lot of things. I suck at commitment. I’m not even honest with myself.” That was as close as he could get now. Thoughts of Sonny being gone from this world were filling him with so much anxiety still to focus on anything else.

He must have read it all over Rico.

“Hey, partner. I’m not going anywhere now. Well, I gotta take a leak but otherwise I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.” He smiled his broad smile to reassure Rico. 

It worked. Rico just wished Sonny understood how much he’d love to be stuck with him for life by his side.

 ***

Later that afternoon they were sitting around his grandmother’s table having dessert.

“Sonny, you are such a darling!  Have some more cake!” Rico’s grandmother exclaimed. She pushed a hefty piece of the homemade vanilla and almond cake in front of him.

Sonny had fixed her old radio which both Rico and his mother had been trying to get her to just throw out. It was decades old and barely caught a signal on a clear day. 

“Things get old, you fix them not throw them away! Are you going to throw me away someday?” That was her favorite thing to say.

So now Sonny was her new favorite person. She even had him sat next to her at the table which was usually Rico’s spot. He knew she’d be pulling out the photo albums soon to show Sonny photos of Rico as a child. It made him feel good though. His chest was full again. He was pretty certain his grandmother would find him as charming as everyone did. 

He got up and went to the kitchen to help his aunt with the dishes.

“Sonny’s a good man. Your grandma is a good judge of character,” she pointed out as she scrubbed a pot.

“Auntie, I’ll wash. You can dry.” He gently moved her over. He knew she was trying for a conversation but he really needed to avoid it.

She looked at him and pursed her lips as she moved over. “You better get them clean or else you’ll be washing them again.” 

He snorted in response. “I know that. I’m not twelve anymore.” He glanced over at her again as he began to scrub.

Her face softened. She’d never say it but everyone knew he was his grandma’s favorite grandchild and the favorite nephew of all his aunts. His mother said it was his troublemaker grin and eyes that twisted them all around his finger early on. 

“What is it, Auntie Alma?” he finally asked. She’d been staring at him with love and curiosity. 

She took a deep breath. “Nothing much. Your mother said you were so excited that Sonny was coming to stay for a bit. He’s very thoughtful. Handsome too. Those eyes just glow against that tan skin!” 

He cringed inwardly. He didn’t need to hear his auntie sharing the same opinion as he did of a man. 

“Crockett’s the best partner I ever had. And he’s like my brother too. After losing Rafael, I needed a brother.” He handed her a small saucepan he had washed. 

She nodded. “You both seem like the same person. You and Sonny. You were never like that with your brother, Ricardo.”

He kept scrubbing one of the larger stock pots and tried to keep from panicking. Was it that obvious? His aunt, his grandmother, and his mother were smart women though. He could never hide anything. This was different though. There wasn’t anyone else like him in the family. It wouldn’t be okay.

She sighed at his silence. “I’m going to tell you a story. Your grandmother, one of her uncles,” she paused and glanced behind her before lowering her voice, “well he liked other men.”

Rico dropped the pot he was washing and a small wave of soapy water splashed up and hit his face. His auntie reached over and wiped it away with a tsk-ing sound. 

“Anyway, as I was saying. This man was disowned by his family and his community. He told your grandmother on one of the last times she saw him that the greatest sin is not being honest. Not being honest to yourself or the people you love.” She was staring at him again. Waiting.

He reached for some steel wool to scrub the bottom of the pot. “Auntie, I - look I don’t know what is….I don’t know what to say. There’s a lot in my life I haven’t been honest about.”

She put her hand on his arm and tugged so he’d turn and look at her. “Then you start now. Everyone who knows you can see you care about Sonny.” 

Okay so he was obvious but there was no reason for him to speak that truth out loud. “I do. But it doesn’t matter because Sonny’s been married twice. He’s not like me.”

She arched her eyebrows. “Are you blind or stupid? I know you just got your eyes checked. And your mother and father paid for that private school so I know you aren’t stupid. He looks at you like you’re the one responsible for the sun coming up today.” She turned away and grabbed another dish towel to dry with. “I’m just telling you that we love you. We love you and we’re happy you’re home. And Sonny wouldn’t make us love you any less.”

Her tone indicated the discussion was over and for that he was thankful. She very likely had already discussed it with his mother and grandmother. In a way she was delivering their message that it was okay that Rico wasn’t getting married and having kids. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate that message because he did. The problem was he couldn’t get what he wanted because despite his aunt hinting Sonny felt the same, he knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.

They kept talking as they finished the dishes. They talked about Rico going back to finish college and the transition from cop to student. Teachers were plentiful in his family. Rico was more nervous about the idea of facing a classroom than he had ever been about facing drug lords. His aunt shared a few of her teaching horror stories and made him laugh. 

When they were through in the kitchen they walked back out and found the dining room was quiet because everyone had retired to the living room. As expected, his grandmother had photo albums out and was showing them to Sonny. He watched as Sonny looked at each photo and hung on every word that fell from his grandmother’s lips. He felt his breath catch as he watched Sonny hold an old photo and grin away as he listened to Rico’s grandmother. She was gesticulating wildly, likely telling some exaggerated tale of something Rico had done. 

What got him though was how at home Sonny seemed. He was sitting on a hideous floral couch in front of a coffee table covered in photo albums and listening to the most ridiculous tales ever and he looked happy. He looks relaxed and carefree and like he momentarily didn’t feel responsible for the fate of the world. Rico could count on both hands the number of times he saw Sonny this way over the years and probably half of them had been over the last few days.

He didn’t know what to do with that information. 

“Ricardo, that door frame doesn’t need you to hold it in place. Come and sit,” his grandmother tutted and moved over on the couch.

He took a seat next to her and got a happy dopey grin from Sonny. That made any embarrassing story worth it.

“Oh and Sonny said he’d love to go to church next Sunday. So you know what time.” She sipped her cup of tea and looked at him expectantly.

Damnit, Crockett. 

 ***

A week and a half later

Getting back into college as an adult was seemingly more paperwork than it had been when he was a high school senior. Rico had a stack of paperwork to finish filling out if he wanted to begin in the spring semester of 1990.

Luckily he had enough money saved up that he wouldn’t need financial aid. The benefit of working vice was that they provided pretty much everything for him. His home, most of his clothing, and his car. His pay was his to do whatever with, so he saved and invested a lot of it. It helped he wasn’t needing to live on campus and after all of his previous credits were added in he really only needed two more years for his baccalaureate degree. New York State had some regulations for teachers which meant he’d have to enroll in a masters degree program within five years of getting his credential but he could do that too.

As he ran up the stairs to his apartment he felt a pang of guilt. He hadn’t been home most of the day and he had such limited time with Sonny as it was. Sonny assured him that he would find plenty to do so not to worry. Rico wasn’t worried, he just wanted any time he could get with the man. 

Suddenly the smell of something delicious hit him when he was just a few steps from his door. He smiled to himself. He had assumed they’d go out to dinner or get some take out. It smelled like Sonny had other ideas though. 

He walked in the door and began speaking, “Sonny-” but immediately stopped. The living room, which still wasn’t quite settled, looked like someone had cleaned it. And rearranged it. There were some new throw pillows, a few plants, and oddly some new drapes on the windows. 

“Crockett?”

Sonny came out of the kitchen. He almost laughed when he saw him because his hair was a mess and he had a kitchen towel slung over his shoulder. 

“What have you been doing, man?” Rico asked with a laugh. 

Sonny ran a hand through his tousled hair. “Well I was out shopping today because I wanted to make that stew I told you my mom always made. And then when I got back I was sitting by the window reading and realized how ugly those drapes were-”

“Hey!” he interrupted. Okay so maybe he hadn’t been bothered to make the place really his own yet. But when did Sonny care about that?

He put his hands up. “Just trying to make the place more comfortable. Dinner is about ready,” he said with a grin.

It was easy to smile back. He washed up and met Sonny back in the kitchen. He sat down and noticed the table had a tablecloth. And placemats. 

“Crockett?”

“Yeah?” Sonny said as he turned around with a pot of stew. He was wearing oven mitts. Rico noticed when he placed the pot on the table. And Rico didn’t own any oven mitts. 

It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. Sonny, the least domesticated man he’d ever met, was wearing oven mitts and placing a pot of homemade stew on a table with a dark blue table cloth. Onto a….was that actually a trivet? 

“You’re sure you’re okay, partner?” He watched Sonny carefully. If this son of a gun had something seriously wrong and he wasn’t telling him….

Sonny glared at him. “I had to go to the store to buy more cereal because I finished yours. While I was there I decided we should try eating in sometimes. We both can cook. And then when I got all the stuff home to make the stew, which I had to call my aunt for the recipe, I realized your one chef’s knife couldn’t cut warmed butter. And so I went to that housewares store and I ended up buying a few other things too.”

That didn’t answer the question. “I’m just asking-”

“I’m fine,” Sonny cut him off as he sat down. “I’m having a good time here and I’m happy. We ain’t used to seeing each other actually enjoying life, are we?”

It was true but it still didn’t help take away his fears. Having Sonny to share a home cooked meal with? That was always a dream. But it being a reality not caused by work was something he never thought.

He cut up some bread for them both while Sonny served them both. It was the most domestic bliss Rico had ever experienced outside of his family’s homes. 

“Mmm. This is damn good,” he said around a mouthful of root veggies. 

Sonny sat across from him beaming away. Fuck. It all felt too natural. Too meant to be. And that made his stomach feel cold, even with the warm stew sitting in it. It hurt that this wasn’t what he would have in just a week and a half. He’d have sad frozen meals alone that tasted like nothing and just made him realize he was empty.

“Glad you like it.” 

They ate in a comfortable silence for a while and then Rico became aware that Sonny was watching him.

“What’s up?”

Sonny shifted around. He hated talking but he also had that look on his face when he was about to drop something heavy.

“You always ask me if I’m not telling you something. Have you ever not told me anything?”

That hit him like a truck. His head snapped up and he studied Sonny carefully. His tan face had lines of concern and nervousness. 

Of course he wasn’t always honest. There was that one big issue of course. And there was the fact that it might have taken him longer than a day to forget that Lauderdale incident. It took him maybe a week. There was nothing that would have kept him angry or scared of Sonny. And those were really the only two things he hadn’t ever told him. 

He pushed his food around on his plate. “What are you asking?”

“Okay. Remember Frankie?”

Rico had to pause. Frankie the low level dealer from Sarasota? Or Frankie the drag queen from South Beach who had the best information usually?

“Which?”

Sonny sighed. “Fabulous Frankie.”

Shit. Frankie the drag queen. He felt his stomach plummet.

“Yeah, I remember. Why?” His heart was pounding and his stomach felt like a rock was in it. 

“He told me-,” Sonny ran a hand through his hair, “this was a year ago. He told me that he saw you a few times at the Copa. And it wasn't that he was gossiping. He thought I knew and was asking if I was going sometime. Partner-”

“Stop.” His own voice was a whisper. His eyes closed involuntarily. This was the worst situation at this point. Frankie had told Sonny that he was at a well known gay club. Fuck fuck fuck. Sonny was probably going to freak out. But he’d known for a year? Why hadn’t he said anything?

His eyes opened and he sucked in a deep breath. “What do you mean he told you a year ago?”

Sonny’s mouth dropped open. “That’s what you’re worried about here? Yeah a year ago. That’s not the point. Why wouldn’t you have told me?”

He dropped his fork. “Tell you what? Hey, I might be a fag? That’s not something you lay on a partner-”

“The hell it’s not!” Sonny yelled.

“Why? So you could react like this?” Rico felt himself getting angry. He stood up and walked to the sink. He leaned against the counter and hung his head. He didn’t want to be angry. Not at Sonny. The feeling of roiling bile was not a feeling he wanted associated with him at all. 

The silence was deafening. Then he heard Sonny’s voice.

“No. That’s not why. You tell me because you trust me. You trust me with every part of you because I trust you with every part of me. Partner, what did you think I’d say?”

His back tensed. “You remember the gas station. You remember all that.”

He didn’t think Sonny was homophobic but he also knew he didn’t do well with that stuff. The whole situation with Freed and Orgel always burned in his mind. Hearing Sonny say he didn’t know what to do…it always stuck with him even though it shouldn’t have. 

He heard Sonny’s chair scrape against the floor. That uneasy scrape along the linoleum. And then he was next to him.

“That was a lifetime ago. You, you mean a lot to me. You know I’d fight anyone who had anything to say about you. I wouldn’t think less of you. I would have been honored if you trusted me with that. Instead I’ve been hurt you didn’t.”

Okay that hurt. He leaned on the sink and looked down. He’d fucked it all up. Now what? He felt his stomach clench again. 

“I’m sorry.”

Sonny had turned away but turned back. “What?”

“Said I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you think I didn’t trust you. I just - that’s something big, you know? What if you thought every time I put an arm around you I was trying to hit on you?” 

He grinned at Rico. “Never know. I might have wanted that.” Much to Rico’s delight he blushed. The slight rose coloring creeping up over those tanned cheeks was beautiful.

“Come on. Sit back down. You’re letting my good meal spoil. No more secrets, okay?”

It was a fair point. Secrets didn’t help. They weren’t working partners anymore but for the sake of their friendship he promised. He was still a little worried. He knew Sonny was being truthful and accepted him but it was still a delicate thing in his mind.

Sonny ladeled more stew onto his plate. It was then that he noticed it was all vegetables. 

“Did you make this vegetarian?”

He watched him smile again. “Yes I did. Figure you tolerate my meat eating so I could make you something you would like.” 

His stomach warmed and softened again. And thank goodness because he was actually pretty hungry and the stew was good. He felt his back and shoulders relax again. Maybe it was all okay.

 ***

Later that evening they were on the couch again, watching some stupid police procedural. They liked watching those and making fun of them. It had become more fun since they both left the force. He chuckled to himself thinking about what Martin would have done if they tried half the stunts the cops on tv did. 

After a while they got up to get ready for bed. Rico made up the couch like always while Sonny put away the dishes they had washed earlier.

“I meant what I said earlier,” Sonny said quietly from the doorway.

“About what?” he asked though not really paying attention. The temperatures were supposed to dip soon and he was hoping Sonny would be warm enough with the blankets. 

Sonny stepped closer. “That I might have wanted that.”

Oh. He couldn’t even pretend he didn’t know what was being said. Instead he sat down on the couch. 

He looked over at Sonny who was standing in the doorway and shifting from one foot to the other. He opened his mouth to say something but Sonny cut him off. 

“When did you know? That you liked men?”

Well that was the million dollar question. He supposed it had always been there, just below the surface. These things didn’t just appear. When he acknowledged it though was another story. 

“Few years back, I knew for sure. Didn’t want to ever believe it though. That’s not to say I don’t like women still. I like men more though.”

Sonny sat down on the recliner and kicked his legs up. “I’m asking because I had never really felt it. I could appreciate other men who were attractive. Like at the gym in the station? But nothing more.” He rubbed his scruff. “Then I met you.” 

What? He felt the world dropping out from under him. What was happening? What was Sonny saying? His head was spinning with both anxiety and hope. 

“Help me out here, Crockett,” he rasped.

“Want me to draw you a diagram? Tubbs, I noticed you right away obviously. Then, then after our argument over Freed, I realized I couldn’t be just your partner. I missed your friendship instantly after our fight. Then after all the shit where I shot you?” He looked down. There was so much confusion and pain swirling around his face.

Rico moved down the couch to be closer to the recliner. “Hey,” he said as he reached out. “Told you long ago to let that go.”

“I couldn’t,” Sonny whispered. “I couldn’t because I realized if I had killed you I would have killed someone I couldn’t live without. Someone who was the other half of me. Someone I wanted.” His voice was barely audible.

Rico swallowed hard. He was swallowing back regret. Regret he had never said something sooner.

“When did you know?” he asked.

That got a shrug and a chuckle. “Don’t know really. Feelin’ just kind of snuck up on me.” He could hear the soft southern drawl in Sonny’s voice that only came out when he was too tired to fight it.

None of this, not one moment of this evening could he have ever pictured happening. His aunt saw it and told him but he just couldn’t believe it. He still didn’t believe it. 

His eyes searched Sonny’s body for hints. Reading body language was a skill they both had honed. His body language was relaxed and open. He wasn’t hiding anything. Maybe a little bit of nervousness. He knew Sonny was searching his face and body too for answers.

He had something to ask Sonny. “You talkin’ past tense?” He needed to know. If he didn’t feel that way anymore, there was no need to keep the conversation going.

Sonny looked at him and didn’t move a muscle. Finally he spoke. “No. No, not past tense.” He grimaced. “Look, I know I’m bad at this. Words.” 

He chuckled drily.“It’s not that. We were both shitty at commitment and that’s part of our history. It’s just that, I’ve lost so many people. I can’t. I can’t again-” he started choking up. Damnit. “You’re here and then you’ll be gone again. I had a hole in me-”

“You left me! You left Miami!” Sonny interrupted with an incredulous tone. 

He yelled back, “I left because I couldn’t stay and want you all the damn time. You weren’t mine to have and it was killing me.” He felt his shoulders fall. He slumped back onto the couch. “That was dumb though. I would rather be around my best friend and have that than nothing.”

Sonny took a deep breath in. He heard it, all raggedy and full of nervousness. “I’m here now.”

“But not for long.” 

“Partner. Rico.” That got his attention. They rarely used each other’s first names. He looked into those eyes that he so loved. “I want you to think. What have I been doing the last near 2 weeks?”

What the hell did that mean? They were talking. A weird unexpected conversation. One that took place after dinner. Sonny had made a vegetarian stew which was a shock. It was really good too. And he made it while Rico was out and busy because he wanted him to come home to a good meal. He had even shopped for the stuff and called a relative for the recipe.

And he had bought some new knives. And a tablecloth? It was nice and homey. Not as homey as the comfy throw pillows that he also bought or the ottoman that suddenly appeared one day in the living room. Those sheets he bought were nice too though Rico refused to admit to it. Sonny had been reading the classified ads like he used to read the sports section which confused Rico. And he’d been talking to Rico’s aunts on the phone regularly. And Sonny had brought him all those photos framed and ready for display.  

Holy shit.
No. No way.
Really?

It punched Rico in the face. Sonny had been making this more of a home. His home. To share with Rico,  so their home…

His face must have ran though fifty emotions because Sonny was grinning away at him.

“Well?” Sonny asked hopefully. 

Rico didn’t know what to say. Was Sonny saying…was he saying he was here to stay? He was suddenly aware of his own heart beating and fluttering. Sonny here to stay, with him. 

He was on his feet and moving. His brain had decided no more thinking and no more doubting. It was time to just do. Sonny had stood up too and now they were face to face and chest to chest. So close they shared the same air. And they stood staring into each other’s eyes, barely breathing, like a couple of shy teenagers. Sonny cocked an eyebrow at him.

It was a challenge. 

And still he was frozen. It was like he was fourteen all over again going in for his first kiss behind the bodega down the street from his grandma’s.

He propelled himself forward and captured Sonny’s lips with his own. Sonny was frozen for a moment, probably getting used to the strength of another man kissing him. He quickly adapted though and melted into the kiss before taking it over. Or tried to take it over.

His hands reached up and one snaked around to the back of Rico's head. He used it to anchor Rico and hold him close. The other hand ran up his arm, danced over his shoulder, and then Rico felt his fingers gently gliding along his jaw and cheek.

Rico wrapped his arms around Sonny’s middle and tried to pull him closer. He nipped and sucked at Sonny’s bottom lip, begging for entrance. And he got it. Sonny’s lips parted and his tongue slipped around Rico’s and oh God he was positive he was going to burst. 

Kissing Sonny was like everything he always wanted poured into one act. Their kisses were turning more desperate and needy. They were both breathing harder already. 

He pulled back slowly to give them both a moment to breathe and to make sure they were okay. Warmth flooded him when he saw Sonny’s eyes were still closed. His lashes fluttered as his eyes opened and Rico noticed the pupils were already dilating. 

That was a boost to his ego. “Feel good, Sonny?” he whispered.

He nodded. “Damn. Damn, Rico. I thought your mouth on me would feel good but I didn’t expect that.”

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss him again, although chastely this time. After a few kisses he pulled back again.

“I do like those sheets you picked out.”

Sonny grinned. “Oh?”

“Mmhmm. Want to sleep next to each other in them? We don’t have to do anything. I just know we both might be tired and need to process this. But I am not ready to let you go tonight.” He couldn’t stop the words falling from his lips. He wanted to never hide any feelings from Sonny again. 

“I’d like that.”

He took Sonny’s hand and led him back towards his bedroom. His heart was slamming around in his chest. This man following him into his room, this man with a perfectly pouty bottom lip and blue eyes and a strong nose and jaw, this man wanted him back. Feelings that Rico just assumed would eat away at him forever were shared by Sonny. 

They both stripped down to their boxers even though it was getting chillier out at night. Rico usually slept in boxers and a tee shirt but he knew Sonny slept in the nude often. He put an extra blanket on the bed and made sure there were enough pillows. Pillows that Sonny had talked him into a couple of days ago. Sonny gave him an appreciative smile. 

There was a moment of hesitation for both of them. It was actually funny. Two middle aged men acting like scared virgins. He laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Sonny joined in.

“Let’s just get in bed,” Sonny said with a laugh.

He nodded and they got into bed together. He turned off the light and turned over to face Sonny. And he was treated to a brilliant smile. 

“Come here,” Sonny whispered and reached for him.

He found himself in Sonny’s arms with their legs intertwined. His dick was so hard already that it hurt. If he’d thought he was a grown man in control of his body he should have thought twice. Around Sonny he was a silly teen prone to instant boners apparently. 

His hands trailed down Sonny’s back and over the swell of his boxer covered ass. He lightly squeezed his ass when it occurred to him that Sonny was probably totally new to anything having to do with that part of him.

“Sonny,” he said as he broke away from the kiss for a moment. “Have you ever done anything with another man?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing. I never even let any women even touch me there when they were giving me a blow job…” he cut himself off and looked away. 

“It’s okay. We can go as slow as you want. I ain’t in a hurry and if you aren’t going anywhere then…” he shrugged.

Sonny grabbed his hips and ground against him. “Not too slow. I’m dying here.” He leaned in and took Rico’s mouth again. 

Feeling Sonny’s hard cock pressed against his thigh was too much and not enough. He moved his hands around to the front of Sonny’s body, lightly stroking his midsection. He played with the top of Sonny’s boxers, teasing him. He released Sonny’s lips and began kissing along his jaw until he came to the sensitive spot just below his ear. He tasted the salty sweat that was forming on him even though the room was cool.

“May I?” He breathed against Sonny’s neck, nuzzling in more.

Sonny nodded. “Yes. Please. Please touch me.” He sounded desperate. 

Rico couldn’t deny Sonny or himself any longer. He reached into Sonny’s boxers and groaned as soon as he felt the silky skin of Sonny’s cock. He wanted to see him and suck him and hear him whine and beg. 

He swiped a finger over the head of Sonny’s cock and felt a huge drop of pre-come. 

“Can I take these off you?” he asked.

“Mmmhmm. Just as long as you take yours off too,” Sonny responded lazily.

And that went straight to his own dick. He quickly relieved them both of their boxers, tossing them onto the floor. He stopped and looked at Sonny. He was beautiful. His chest was smooth and toned with small dark pink nipples that were already erect and waiting to be licked and bit. He was completely smooth until his belly button and then the treasure trail began. His eyes followed it to Sonny’s pubic hair which was neatly trimmed. His cock was lying up against his abdomen, long and flushed pink. Saliva filled his mouth. He wanted to get down between his thighs and nuzzle that cock. Breathe in the musky scent that was all Sonny before swallowing him down deep.

He heard Sonny’s breath hitch suddenly. He glanced back up to his face and saw his eyes were locked on something. He saw what Sonny was staring at. It was his dick. Rico knew he wasn’t a small man but the reaction boosted his ego. He looked down at his fat cock jutting out of a thick thatch of pubic hair. It was already leaking steadily and demanding attention. 

“Jesus. Rico.” He reached out shyly to touch him. “Can I…?”

Rico smiled, “Of course you can. I’m all yours.”

Lying back down next to Sonny he felt his heart rate pick up again. As their mouths crashed together they both went to reach for each other’s dicks. It wasn’t the smoothest of moves but it made them both moan and begin thrusting into each other’s hands. It was desperate and inelegant but also perfect. They were both needy. He had an idea though how to make it better. 

He licked deep into Sonny’s mouth tasting the cinnamon toothpaste he preferred. And then he gently pushed Sonny’s hand off of him and took both of their cocks into his hand. It was a tight fit. He made a few thrusts and hoped Sonny could tell what he wanted. Thankfully he did and his hand joined Rico’s on their cocks. Between the two of them stroking and their cocks rubbing against each other, Rico almost saw stars. It was intense for a relatively sloppy handjob. It’s because it’s Sonny , his brain supplied. He was making it everything Rico could ever want. 

They both pulled away to breathe and watch each other’s faces.

“Rico,” Sonny moaned, “you feel so good.”

He shook his head and thrust into their joined hands. “No, baby. It’s all you. You’re making this perfect. Damn, Sonny. You’re so good.” He was starting to babble as he got closer.

“Need, need to come. Need to come, Rico. So close,” Sonny panted. 

“Yeah? Feel that good? Come for me, sweetheart. Come all over our hands. Let me see you.”

Two strokes later and Sonny let out a strangled cry as he came. His eyes slammed shut and his head fell back.

Watching him as the wave crashed over him took Rico to the edge and pushed him over. He felt the pressure in his groin grow and the telltale tingling sensation he always got in his shaft and then suddenly he was exploding all over their hands. He moaned Sonny’s name as he came for what felt like ten minutes. 

They locked eyes again as the both breathed heavily and came down from the high of orgasm. Sonny had a look of wonderment in his eyes. Now, Sonny was a man of vast experience. He had slept with plenty of women. Right now though he had a look on his face that looked like he had just blown his load for the first time. 

Rico leaned over and kissed him softly. “You all right, man?”

“More than.” He blinked a few times. “You took a lot out of me.” He looked at the mess between them. “Perhaps literally.”

That made Rico laugh. “I’ll get a towel.” He slowly extricated himself and quickly grabbed a towel from the chair in his room. After wiping them both down, he lied back down next to Sonny. 

If there was going to be a freak out he would probably see the signs of it soon. 

Instead he saw Sonny’s eyes shining. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“For what, Sonny?”

“Giving me a chance.” He swallowed hard enough that Rico could see his Adam’s apple bob. 

He closed his eyes. He knew Sonny was full of self doubt and self hate but to think he thought Rico was giving him something? As if he didn’t deserve anything?

“No. You don’t have to thank me. I’ll give you more than a chance. I’ll give you anything you want. All of me even. Anything I have and everything I am. It’s yours, Sonny. If you want it.”

And there it was. He didn’t want them to do the dance they were used to. It was time to try something different.

Sonny’s eyes were still shining. “I do. I want all of you. And, and only you.” He pushed himself up on an elbow. “I’m fucking terrible at commitment. I don’t want to be anymore. Not with you. I want to give you all of me too.”

He reached over and ran a finger down Sonny’s face. “I want all of you.” He pulled Sonny into his arms and buried his face in his hair. 

Tiredness was winning with them both. He felt Sonny’s body relax into him and felt his breathing even out. They were both asleep in minutes.

 ***

A month later

It was the day before Thanksgiving. He was trying to sleep in but that was being made impossible by Sonny. The man was insatiable and really Rico shouldn’t have a complaint but he really wanted to sleep. 

It only took a few awkward attempts before Sonny became a damn god of blowjobs. Rico was fine to be woken up this way every day the rest of his life but maybe not at six o’clock in the morning.

“Sweetheart,” he panted when he felt the back of Sonny’s throat contract around the head of his cock. “Why so damn early.”

Sonny snorted and pulled off him with a pop. “I have to work this morning for a few hours, that's why. Wanted to make sure you’d think of me all day.”

Well of course he would. Even without this. Sonny had made himself the perfect place in Rico’s life over the last month. He had gotten a job as a mechanic. Rico hadn’t known he’d once apprenticed as one briefly but now that was coming into very good use.

Sonny liked his job and had managed to charm nearly every customer that came into the shop. The happy customers and Sonny’s strong work ethic made his boss happy and more than a little generous with the salary. And he was understanding if Sonny needed to come in late or leave early to attend something in Rico’s family. 

That was the other thing. Sonny had also taken to being Rico’s grandmother’s shopping companion. It was never directly stated but it was obvious to his grandmother that they were together. And she was delighted. Sonny was her favorite topic of conversation with everyone from Rico to her bridge club to the mailman.

He reached for Sonny and pulled him into a kiss. “Don’t need to do anything. I think of you all the time. I’ll be thinking of you today while I help my mom make you sweet potato pie for tomorrow,” he said when they pulled back from each other.

That got him the smile that he lived for. “Is your grandma going to make that lemon meringue pie too?”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course. All you gotta tell her is what you like and she makes it. You’re her new favorite.” He grinned back. 

He looked over at the clock. Nearly six thirty. No point in going back to sleep. He looked back at Sonny and his swollen pink lips. 

“Well you’re my favorite, Rico,” he said before leaning in for a kiss.

Rico melted inside. He broke off the kiss and looked into Sonny’s eyes. “You’re mine too. And I love you.”

“Love you too. Thanks for taking me home, Rico.”