Work Text:
I don't know where to begin. Maybe that night at the bridge. Or maybe when we were in James' barn. I don’t know. I just don't know. I've endured heartbreaks before. First with Lee, then Omid and Christa, then Kenny. And so, so many others. But this is something entirely different.
When I first held you, it seemed natural. Like it was meant to be. Kenny even said I looked like a big sister while I was holding you. Of course, I grew a more motherly love for you. Now I wish I could hold you, one more time. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. Although you weren't mine by blood, I loved as if you were my own.
And when David took you away from me, and when you called out my name. It broke me. I lost myself and my purpose. I was a shell of myself, not caring about the wellbeing of others. I was only out for myself. But when I learned that you were still alive, I felt something I have felt in such a long time. Hope. Hope that you still remembered me, hope that we could have a better life. A hope that you could have a somewhat normal childhood, even in this fucked up world of ours.
I know the ranch was traumatizing. For both you and me. And during our time on the road, you'd ask me if we'd find a home. All I could ever tell you was "we'll see". And your face would fall every single time. I told myself that it was better than saying “yes” and lying to you. But you want to know something I didn't tell you? I never had a plan. I never knew where we were going. I never knew anything. I just fought and fought and fought, and hoped you didn't notice. Hoped we'd find something before you did. And everyday I wonder, did I do a good job?
I guess I’ll never know. I’ll miss you AJ, you’ll always be my little Goofball. I love you so, so much. Say hi to your parents for me.
Clementine placed down her pencil, tears streamed down her eyes. Writing this letter had been one of the hardest things she had ever done. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Ruby peeked her head into the headmasters’ office.
“Hey Clem, it's time.” She said, sorrow filled her voice.
Clem let out a mournful huff. She got up from her chair and began her way towards the graveyard. As she did, three words played on repeat in her head.
Keep moving forward.
That's all she could do. Today was the day. The day she says goodbye to her little goofball. One last time.