Chapter Text
John continued to have nightmares after Sherlock’s death, always the same scene that was repeated in his mind to infinity , and then wake up suddenly and realize he was dreaming; but after the nightmares came the worst part.
He began to cry and feel bad, in retrospect that was the last time he had seen him and had not had time to tell him many things he had hidden for himself for a long time. So he spent most of his first year after going to the funeral, he was devastated and almost didn’t leave the house.
They tried to help both Harry who stopped drinking to give comfort to his brother, John confessed to her , not about everything, he didn’t always tell her the truth, but he told her everything he felt about Sherlock, all the times when he wanted to tell him that he loved him but a little voice told him that probably Sherlock would refuse him or that he would not treat him the same way, and so he stood in silence , to repress his feelings for days, months ,years.
Another person who tried to help him was Mrs Hudson who tried to make him feel better but couldn’t. She was sweet and John saw her almost as a maternal figure but was destroyed and for a long time did not summon the courage to either call her or return in 221b.
It was too much for him to return to their dwelling place, he had tried to do so, of course he had tried, but every time he looked even at the entrance, many memories, too many memories came to his mind.
Some time later he met a woman ; that day John did not even remember why he had gone out, he only knows that they tried to rob him on the way to go to a bar, during the act a blonde woman arrived from the 'proud area that defended him , without any reason . She was a middle-aged woman, blond hair enclosed in a short cut but elegant at the same time, gave the impression of being a normal town but it was not, and John realized almost immediately ; had something unknown. John was fascinated by it. He discovered that the woman’s name was Mary and that she was single ( the only two things that interested John) so they started dating , John was not interested in a romantic or sexual sense but in a friendly sense . Obviously Mary was not very clear about it ; but they continued to go out anyway.
After their meeting, two years passed, "incredible," John thought, two years without Sherlock.
He was in one of those post-nightmares in which he went into mental; at the beginning of Sherlock’s death it often happened to him but since he met Mary it happened less and less, this had been his first nightmare after almost a year.
It was the middle of the night, the sky was empty of stars but it was a quiet night.
If only Sherlock had given him one more night.