Chapter Text
The sound of Gordon’s footsteps echo through the dim hall of the guard’s quarters. Before Benrey became a guard Gordon would never find himself in this sector, but things change and now he’s been finding himself here much more often. Much more often. The area is much different than other areas of black mesa with empty cans, bottles, chip bags, and random tissues littering the floor. At first the sight had shocked him due to Black Mesa’s usual cleanliness, but.. it was clear a janitor was rarely sent down here because the facility could give no less fucks than they already did about the guards. They considered them.. Disposable.
Well, not all of them. Especially not the guard who was behind the stickered door Gordon was currently standing in front of. Benrey had another test today and Gordon knew it, he just wanted to make sure they would be okay. Observations were usually okay, but Benrey always got antsy about testing. Last time they nearly bit a scientist’s finger off, had to have an escort for a week after all. If Tommy even really counted as a kind of escort.
Gordon used his thumbs to crack each of his fingers before bringing his hand up to knock on the door. He didn’t know why, but he hated knocking on the metal doors. So loud and dramatic. Like.. like dropping a shampoo bottle in the shower, it makes him cringe afterwards. Luckily he doesn’t have to deal with that though because before he gets the chance the door was pulled open and Benrey was standing there before him, in an outfit more casual than their normal guard uniform.
He feels like he nearly jumps out of his goddamn skin. “Jesus Christ- B-Benrey you can’t just fucking do that, man.” He spits out breathlessly, chest rising and falling with each deep breath he takes to calm his quickened heart. Gordon swears to himself he needs to change his meds, he has been so tense since the.. incident. Maybe he has no reason to be so jumpy, but even just any sudden movement in the corner of his eye can make his blood pressure spike for a quick moment.
Benrey stands there with their hands in their pockets, staring blankly at Gordon as if they weren’t the one to just swing the door open. They pull their hand out of their hoodie pocket and lazily place it on Gordon’s shoulder.
“ Should uhh, chill out a bit maybe? just opening doors ‘n shit. Nuthin wrong with that, hmm?” They say, a grin Gordon has grown more than acquainted with on their face.
As much as he loves them being so comfortable to be annoying, it’s really shown their true colors. None of which are bad of course, but.. just an inconvenience. The most nonchalant attitude about their job unless they wanna pester Gordon about his ID and give a buncha confused sounds as they decide whether it’s real or not. (Of fucking course it’s real, why wouldn’t it be). Gordon has no idea what their motive can be for acting like a little shit, unless their motive is to get a rise out of him. Then.. he’s giving them what they want for sure.
“Yeah man, yeah sure I'll chill out, god- I shouldn’t have come down here to check on you.” He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose and adjusting his glasses before looking back at the alien whose expression hasn’t changed a tad.
Benrey knows good and well Gordon doesn’t mean his words, they know even if Gordon knew this would be the outcome he would still come prancing down to their room to see them. Can’t get enough, they’ve decided. (as if they don’t feel the exact same way, they don’t know what they’d do if he actually made the choice to not visit them before what’s happening today.)
“Damnn.. Fuckin uhhh, meanman out here. Wanna leave ol’ Benny boy alone and shit.” They pout, crossing their arms.
Gordon shakes his head dismissively, drawing a quiet snigger from the alien who continues to fake pout despite the grin tugging on their lips.
“Yeah, maybe I-” Gordon pauses. He didn’t come here to argue with them and he really didn’t intend to, not even now at this point where they’ve chosen to be a prick in the side. He lets out a weak chuckle, rolling his eyes. He feels like he almost always takes their bait, but not this time. He’ll be the.. Bigger person this time around.
“How are you feeling? Like, about the test. I uh.. Hah, I’m no stranger to Black Mesa’s bullshit.” Gordon scratches the back of his neck as he watches Benrey’s eyes soften with what he can only assume is worry.
Before Gordon gets the chance to comfort the alien their expression changes and they scoff as if to express they could care less about the test despite the fact that couldn’t be further from the truth. The test Benrey has been going through have been getting more and more intrusive and they’re worried about what else the scientists could have in mind. It went from swabbing their saliva and looking at their sweetvoice and what it could do to taking wefts of their hair and injecting them with things they could never dream to understand. The questions have been getting worse and worse, just so god damn stressful. Not that they’d tell Gordon that, they’re not a pussy or something. They can take it.
“Oh chillll out, Gordo. All chill over here, below freezing. Ice age, livin with Sid ‘n shit. We’re just kickin it man-”
“Benrey.” Gordon says, cutting off Benrey’s monotone spoken tirade about how chill they are. They pause their speech immediately, mouth hanging there open for a moment before they close it. They stuff their hands in their pockets as they stare up at Gordon’s emerald eyes. Filled with worry despite the sterness they held just moments later to get the alien’s attention.
Gordon sighs as they finally go silent, letting his eyes rest and close for a moment before he meets their gaze again and gives a weak smile to show he wasn’t mad.
“I just..” He hesitates, unsure of where to start the sentence. Gordon steps forward as he wraps his arms around Benrey and pulls them into a tight hug, earning a subtle hummed sound of what he only assumes is pink sweetvoice. Or maybe some other weird alien sound, he’s also discovered some trill sounds they can make that aren’t purring. He runs a hand through their hair as he guides their head up so their eyes meet his once more. He wants to be completely sure this gets through the multiple layers of jokes, memes, and lava lamp liquid that resides in their brain. “Fuck, man.. I’m worried, I want to make sure you’re alright before the test. I.. wouldn’t want anything bad to happen, I love you.” He confesses, voice stern yet soft as he speaks.
Benrey stares up at Gordon, their pupils which are usually defaulted to pinpricks in their vision dilated as they look up at the other. The temptation lies in their heart to push Gordon away, call him gay or something as if the two of them haven’t been dating for weeks now. Even though they hate being all serious and showing their worry, the look in Gordon’s eyes as he says such sweet things renders them at a loss for words. Even the dumb ones.
Benrey shifts their weight to the toes of their shoes as they lean up to press a soft and hopefully comforting kiss to Gordon’s lips. They don’t want him worried, well. Not worried about something serious, they’re fine with him worrying about whether his coffee is gonna taste weird because they might’ve sung some sweetvoice into it when he set it down for a second. Gordon rakes his fingers through their shaggy hair as he returns the kiss before pulling away.
“You gonna uh.. gonna have a heart attack or like, can I go now?” They ask, looking up at Gordon with a stoic expression that doesn’t match the mocking sentence. Gordon scoffs as he pulls away from the embrace.
“Yeah yeah, I’m not the one to be worrying about, man.” He snickers.
“Nuh-uh” Benrey smugly chides back, a smirk tugging at their lips and exposing their sharp teeth.
“What do you- oh just go to the test.” Gordon waves at them dismissively despite dismissing himself by walking down the hallway to get back to his office. What he hadn’t accounted for was the fact that Benrey would have to walk with him for the time being to get to the test. The guard’s quarters is a one way hallway after all.
He groans when he notices the alien is now walking beside him with a smug grin, but can’t help but crack a smile. The extra time with them is.. Nice. It’s comforting to spend just a few more minutes with each other before the test, just to smooth out worries and anxieties just by walking side by side.
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The day passes without much interesting occurring and by the time it’s Gordon’s break he’s in the mood to be social. Luckily enough he, Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby (truthfully not exactly lucky) all share the same break time. Usually Benrey would join them, but today Benrey is at testing so Gordon will have to miss them for now. The halls feel a bit brighter at this time of day and the ambience of talking, footsteps, and computer clacking feels a bit more full.. Or maybe it’s just because of Gordon’s good mood. He sighs as he hears chattering between Dr. Coomer and Tommy, a smile forming on his face.
“Hey guys!” He greets the two of them cheerfully, then turns to see Bubby scowling at him.
“Could you not be so damn loud, I’m trying to enjoy my break in silence.” He scolds Gordon despite the fact Tommy and Coomer were definitely chatting it up moments before Gordon spoke.
He doesn’t comment on that though. He knows that Bubby has some favoritism towards Doctor Coomer, the rings on their fingers seals that suspicion. It’s almost.. heartwarming, two old guys who’ve been together for so long. In the rare moments he catches the two chatting, Bubby's usually strained and annoyed expression is more of a lighthearted one, it’s sweet.
“Mr. Freeman, h-how is your hand?” Tommy asked with a smile. The incident was nearly a week ago, but Tommy still checked up on Gordon and.. Even though he never really enjoyed thinking back to getting his arm cut off, he appreciated the care and open ear that Tommy offered him.
“Luckily as limber as ever, bud.” He chuckled as he walked over, leaning against the counter that the microwave was sat on. At least he could say that and mean it. Even though it was still his hand the limb had taken some time to get used to again. There was.. Something a little off about it. Maybe something about positioning? It was pretty much slapped on there.
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Invasive hands and prickling needles. Questions and assurances made as long as they comply just the same. The lights above them are blinding to the point they struggle to keep their eyes open and the constant talking and discussion about their body as if they weren’t able to hear is even more sickening. Being referred to as an alien, a monster, or some.. Weird code name they had been given. Subject Ditto? From what Tommy had told them it came from a game creature that could transform to mimic other creatures.. Didn’t make it any better. The scientists that did these strange experiments refused to call them by their name, exclusively “Ditto” despite their protests.
They hear a strange wiring sound followed by the feel of some kind of metal cuff pinning their arm to the table they’ve been forced to lay on. Before they get the chance to speak they’re instantly hushed by a hand being put over their mouth. If the earlier experiments were uncomfortable, then this was downright nauseating. They opened their eyes despite the lights that discouraged it, the sight of what made the strange buzzing noise coming into sight. A small saw.
Circular in shape, the blade no wider than a tennis ball.. Held in the hands of a man they had grown to hate. He was usually the one to take their blood samples or push to do more daming experiments. They tried to move their arm, only to realize that yeah.. It would definitely require some force or some use of their powers, but that was not permitted. They had been specifically told that any use of their powers in the facility or the testing room without strict permission would be severely punished.
There’s a glint of such intent when the man looks at Benrey, then at their arm and it’s sickening.
No.
He takes slow strides towards the table, ignoring their muffled noises of protests and attempted shaking of their arm to signal they don’t want to continue on with this. It’s met with a stern “Enough of that, Ditto.” From one of the other scientists who has now pinned their other arm. The sound of the blade is quiet, would be barely audible if people weren’t so quiet now.
It’s deafening.
The spinning blade draws closer to their wrist, hesitance clear in the man’s eyes despite the fact Benrey has not once seen these men hesitate. They’ll drive needles and tubes into them. Set them under to rummage around their organs and discuss everything that could ever be wrong with Benrey. They almost think he’ll pull away, reconsider? His eyebrows furrow with newfound determination. As if Benrey were a challenge to be conquered. As if Benrey was telling him to do this even though he didn’t want to. They knew he wanted to do it.
They all did.
They quiver, squeezing their eyes shut despite themselves. Their instincts scream to do something. It feels like their blood is boiling and they can feel a red sweetvoice stirring in their chest for something. For some action. They want to scream, to bite, to kick. They know they shouldn’t and the consequences will not only be having to be caged again, but will also be Gordon’s sad face. They hate how sad the other appears when they’re back in that room.. They only want him to laugh. But even with the threat of punishment their body screams to do something. To move.
The blade nicks their skin and..
Everything happens so.. Fast. Benrey barely even is aware of what’s happening when suddenly scientists are screaming and the cold chill of the table isn’t against their back again. It’s relieving though, that’s all they're aware of at the moment. Every bit of tension is coming out in bursts as blood paints the room. Claws and teeth tearing through flesh.
Spines stab through the garments they were made to wear during this process, the sounds leaving their mouth feeling unlike themselves despite being so.. Instinctual. It all feels so.. fast, but despite that time seems to slow down. The cool chill of the metal table no longer against their back, only the wet and strange heat of blood splattered on their arms and face like war paint.
They can barely even hear the sounds of screaming anymore, simply only aware of whatever beats in their chest and the pulsing sound in their ears. As if they have headphones on in an attempt to muffle the horrific noises. Despite all the screaming, there’s a sense of relief. A heavy weight lifted off their shoulders as they drove their claws into the stomach of the scientist that dared to bring a saw to their body. As they twisted and felt intestines spin around his hand similar to the way spaghetti would twirl around a fork.
Gunshots? They hear them, but even though they can tell there is surely some impact they can barely feel it as they pick up a guard by their neck. Luckily Benrey doesn’t know this one.. Or maybe they just don’t recognize the person in the heat of the moment. That wouldn’t matter anyways, because it’s just another person added to their combo. Must be a combo breaker by this point, everything around them smells of the almost sickeningly sweet scent of blood. They lick their fingers as they leave the room, ignoring the sounds of screaming as they kill another gaurd. This time unhinging their jaw to snap the man’s head clean off.
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“Oh thank goodness I have my Black Mesa Power arms!” Coomer cheerfully spoke as he pressed another table to the door of the breakroom.
Gordon clutches at his head, fingers tangling in his hair in an attempt to sooth the pounding sensation that wracked his head. Gordon would’ve loved to be of help in the moment and he considered shoving up a chair, he really did. He just couldn’t bring himself to move from the corner he had shoved himself in as sirens blared and as the flash of lights turned the room red. It was.. too familiar and much too soon. Cold floor, blaring lights and sirens. It’s sickening. Luckily enough the other’s are understanding enough. Not even Bubby had scolded him for sitting around or told him to get the hell up and do something.
He flinches at the sudden feeling of a hand on his shoulder, looking at the hand before meeting Tommy’s bright yet concerned eyes. He didn’t even realize until now that the man had crouched down in front of him.. Gordon cringes at himself for being so out of it. He wishes this didn’t fuck with him so badly.
“M-Mr. Freeman I’m sure it’ll be okay, just.. u-um just take some deep breaths.” The youthful man advises with an anxious smile which just luckily proved to be useful.
“Fuck- fuck man I- I’m sorry I don’t know what’s up with me I-”
Tommy frowned. “Breathe, alright?” He spoke, interrupting Gordon’s rambling to try and slow the train of thought. He didn’t want Gordon blaming himself for something he couldn’t control, he.. Tommy remembered. Of course he did, and sure he wasn’t a therapist, but Tommy knew that was something traumatizing. Everyone in Black Mesa had suffered through something that damaged a deep part of them, even if they just worked in offices. It was never long before they witnessed something or read a document they would’ve preferred to never know the existence of.
Gordon trembled as he forced himself to take deep breaths at the same pace of Tommy’s own. He looked down to his trembling hand, frustrated at his body for not letting him get his shit together. Before now he didn’t think what happened was that bad. He knew that.. That the entrance back into Black Mesa (or black into Back Mesa) was definitely a rough one and it caused nightmares before he woke up in his hospital bed and many after that, but he had hoped it wouldn’t have caused such trauma on his body. He didn’t want it to. He wanted to forget what happened back then.
Gordon tried to take comfort in Tommy’s words, but his work friend’s words was not enough. He wanted- needed to see Benrey right now. He needed them to remind him that everything was alright and that nothing bad would be happening to either of them. His arm wasn’t gonna be taken and they weren’t going to be taken from him again. That- Gordon’s train of thought is brought to a harsh stop at the sound of a strange glitchy screech heard down the hallway. As if from a crinkled cassette player. His first instinct is to be scared, but it’s familiar. It’s.. them. His head snapped up to attention to see if he would hear another sound from them.
“That- holy fuck man that- That was Benrey! Dude, he’s fucking out there I have to-” Gordon jumps to his feet, Tommy backing up for the sake of not having the other bump into him. Gordon mutters a quiet and barely audible “Gordon sprint” as he runs to the makeshift barricade. He grips the top of the fridge that was put in front of it as he peeks over.
“Finally he’s decided to come to his senses.” Bubby snarks at him and his sudden appearance with crossed arms. Gordon’s almost glad that despite this situation Bubby has managed to stay his slightly angry, usual self.
“Hey- Wait what are you doing, Mr. Freeman? You- It’s not safe out there!” Tommy yells as he tries to garner Gordon’s attention and stop the man from whatever the hell he’s trying to do. That doesn’t sway him from his mission though as Gordon climbs on top of a chair in front of the barricade to get a better view of the situation. Which is barely anything considering it’s just a hallway with flashing red lights. He needs to get out.
Despite his usual anxieties.. He ignores the protest from Tommy and Bubby’s insults to his intelligence as he carries on and lifts a leg up. Benrey is out there and something is fucking wrong. He has to make sure that the alien is alright, that if it’s unsafe in the hallway he can lead them back to the saferoom his friends have made. Sure he believes in their ability to handle themselves for the most part, but he knows they’re not meant to use their alien abilities. He somehow manages to squeeze himself through the top hole of the barricade and hops down, eyes darting to each side of the hallway before he’s frozen in place.
Originally what Gordon expected when he turned toward the source of noise was Benrey, likely in fear or.. Something of the source, but he’s not met with their humanoid form. Instead, he’s met with a meldy of teeth, claws, eyes, and dark ichor colored flesh. The creature is darker than what he would assume to be.. The darkest black, but despite that the blood on it’s teeth and claws is still plenty visible and plenty sickening at the sight of the gore covering the mass that is their body. In a second, it hits him.
They are the emergency. It wasn’t some.. breach of containment from some random alien, specimen, or chemical.. It was them. His blood runs cold as he stares at their body, feeling like the hairs of his body are all standing as a chill runs down his spine. Their eyes are fixed on him as he takes a step back and it almost feels threatening, as if he’s their next target. As if once they catch their breath it’ll be him that they tear to shreds and leave his organs to decorate the floor.
As he takes a second step back the flesh melds and bends around itself, closing his eyes in an attempt not to spill everything from his stomach he had eaten today. When he turns back.. It’s them again. The alien he had known and grown to.. love. But even then he’s not sure at the sight of them and their uniform drenched in blood. Benrey takes a hesitant step closer to Gordon, eyes still just as fixed on the man in front of them.
“Please- I- Back off.” Gordon stammers out, struggling to keep his composure and stand still as the other takes slow steps closer to him.
“Chill out, man.. You know I wouldn’t hurt you.” Benrey reassures with a weak grin, exposing the blood on their sharp teeth. It sickens Gordon even more. He thought back in Xen the sight of weird discolored blood was bad, but no. No, this is much worse. He backs up more, trying to distance himself from them. They frown.
“Gordo, cmon man I- I just.. I-I didn’t mean t-” A sound of a gunshot catches Gordon’s attention and he looks behind the alien to see a man with a tranq gun.
Despite the sight of them getting dizzier and whoozier in front of them Gordon is unsure whether to feel relieved or not. They try to get some more words out, but.. It’s too late. Anything they say isn’t discernible as they tumble to and.. Through the ground. Gordon blinks a few times to try and snap out of whatever hallucination he’s having, but.. They’re gone. Just like that. Guard’s talk on their walkie-talkies and report what’s just happened as he stares at the empty blood covered spot on the floor.
They’re.. Gone?