Work Text:
Nothing.
Nana checks her phone for what could’ve been the 20th time, but she is yet to receive word from Hachiko. She sent an email, and called about twice, but she hasn’t let Nana know about her whereabouts.
She guesses it’s normal, since it’s late and Hachiko has work early tomorrow, but she can’t help the nagging feeling of something being… wrong. Or off. Nana is completely confident that she can take care of herself, but she also wouldn’t put it past her to get into some sort of trouble in the short time she spent away from their shared apartment (4 hours, to be exact, way less than usual these days).
Nana sighs and checks Hachiko’s contact again, only to satiate her growing anxiety, but not surprisingly, finds nothing.
“ Hachi… dogs aren’t supposed to leave their owners, y’know…” Nana grumbles, sliding out a cigarette from the crushed box in her skirt pocket and placing it between her stained lips, inhaling before it’s even lit.
Hachiko is fine. She has to be.
With the wind blowing the grown out bangs swiftly out of her face and sending a cold wave on her exposed legs, Nana is reminded that she really does need to hurry home, in the case that something did happen to Hachiko. Not to mention that she has work in the morning, too, and she truly can’t afford to skip it, with their dwindling funds in the way.
Blowing out bitter smoke, she hurries to the nearing brick building, nearly toppling over a rock and scraping her platforms. She curses, and with a few too fast steps (which she shouldn’t be taking considering the inches on her boots), she makes it inside the large property, rushing up the stairs that for some reason, feel a lot more infinite.
Upon reaching their door, 707 , Nana finds it hard to shake off the growing feeling of dread. The lights are on, and the door is also locked, which is all fine and normal, but she still feels like something is off.
She unlocks the door and wastes no time in barging in, immediately looking around.
“Hachi?” Nana calls out, kicking her boots off at the genkan and rushing towards Hachiko’s room, taking note of the brightness spilling out from the bottom of the door.
She knocks, once, twice, before stopping, hearing a noise coming from the bathroom. A light thud, but nothing worrying. Nana assumes that Hachiko must be taking a nap, or getting ready for bed, and ditches the room. heading straight towards the bathroom.
With a bright smile, she slams the door open, only to find a pale Hachiko leaned over the toilet with her fingers inside her mouth.
“Nana–!” Hachiko panics, surprised at the sudden entrance.
Nana simply stares, taking in Hachiko’s appearance.
The first thing she notices is her flushed face. Her cheeks are all red and her eyes seem to be teary and strained, as if she had been crying for a short while. She also has drool running down her chin, attached to her fingers, and nearly dripping down onto her frilly pink nightgown. Her bangs are stuck all over her sweaty forehead and she seems to be panting, but no matter how many times Nana has seen Hachiko in distress, this time in particular seems different.
“What’s wrong?” Nana asked, quickly landing on her knees next to Hachiko, scrunching her nose at the heavy scent of bile.
Hachiko pants, staring down at the toilet with her hands tightly gripping the seat. Nana scans her figure again, noticing the raw skin on her knuckles. She stops for a moment, only for a few seconds, while her mind rushes to order all the thoughts running through her head.
Nana places a hand on a shaking and frail shoulder, and tries to pretend that she hasn’t already found out what exactly she was doing.
Hachiko coughs, and a thick line of drool drips down her chin, which she doesn’t hesitate to wipe off.
Nana swallows nervously, noting that she shouldn’t exactly be there, yet makes no move to leave. “Were you…”
Hachiko begins to shake more in Nana’s hold, and she slowly hugs her back, ignoring the thick, admittedly horrible, scent in the air. When she begins softly sobbing, Nana isn’t surprised. She half-expected her to try and lie, and come up with an excuse about how she’s just sick, but with the two of them, there really aren’t any secrets.
She’s very cold, Nana thinks, and she also feels quite soft. She’s noticed her eating a bit more this past week, but didn’t really give it much thought. Admittedly, seeing her so enthusiastic about food made her happy, it’s also something others and she herself have commented on.
However… It's hard not to feel guilty about it when she’s holding her in her arms in front of a toilet filled with puke.
“I didn’t… I wasn’t…” Hachiko chokes out, coughing again and leaning over to flush the toilet, still shaking.
Nana frowns, “I hope you weren’t,”
Hachiko quickly turns around, facing Nana, “I really–”
“But I can’t pretend that I don’t know what you were doing.” She finishes, holding Hachiko’s hands, very aware of their current state of cleanliness, and lightly caressing the reddened skin on her fingers.
Hachiko looks down, avoiding her gaze. She squeezes her hands, and takes a deep breath, attempting to control her sobs.
Nana begins to feel stupid and guilty. She caught her, but only tonight. How long has Hachiko been doing this? Has she been alone, suffering and making herself sick in their shared bathroom while Nana all but slept peacefully in her room without a care in the world? Did she ever knock on her door, trying to talk to her before doing it? She wonders how she possibly didn’t notice, and if she herself did anything to make Nana feel bad enough to do something like that.
“Nana…” Hachiko whispers, sniffling, before throwing herself in her arms and hugging her tight enough to bruise. For a second, Nana worries about her being hurt by the spikes on her necklace, but doesn’t hesitate to hug her back.
“Tell me what’s wrong…” She pleads, running her manicured hands through her sweaty hair.
Hachiko shakes her head, repeatedly apologizing into her own shaking shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Nana…!”
“Why are you even apologizing?” Nana asks, clutching Hachiko’s gown, “I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”
“That’s not true!” Hachiko exclaims, pulling away from her hold and staring fiercely enough into her eyes for her to feel scolded. Nana ignores her.
“This… you’re doing this because you feel bad about how you look or how much you ate.” Nana begins, “Hachiko, how long have you been doing this?”
Hachiko deflates, breaking their eye contact and looking down again. Nana thinks that she’s gonna shut down again, but she begins muttering.
“Today, just today, I…” Hachiko frowns, self-consciously covering her exposed legs with her dress. Nana purposely looks away. “It’s true, I’ve been eating way more than I should. Everyone always says it, but… I can’t stop, Nana.”
Nana feels her heart shatter. It’s something she’s always known, but in that moment, she is genuinely reminded of how much she really, undeniably loves Nana Komatsu.
She begins thinking back on all the times Hachiko has excitedly pointed at restaurants on their long walks, and at the times she has complained about being too full but forced herself to keep eating because ‘food doesn’t taste as good heated up, Nana.’
She thinks hard about her sweet, precious, Hachi, and how she always insists on doing workouts with her, and compares herself to the models on TV.
But most of all, she thinks about how everyone is always commenting on her weight and attitude towards food, and starts to reproach herself for never standing up for her despite seeing how uncomfortable she got. How could she, though, when she herself also made fun of her?
“You can always talk to me, you don’t have to do… this. It isn’t healthy.” Nana says, tilting her chin up to look at her, “Hachi, you could develop an eating disorder.”
Hachiko’s lip trembles, threatening her with another sob. “I can’t give it up,”
Nana grimly looks down at their still joined hands, tapping Hachiko’s wet and slightly sticky chin. “I know… but I want you to. Need you to.”
Hachiko tears up again, and despite feeling bad for it, Nana is grateful that she did, because it means that she can’t see the way her own eyes also begin to well up with stubborn tears.
Nana doesn’t like seeing her Hachiko in pain. She also doesn’t like holding her while she cries. She doesn’t like how her heart hurts as if she’s being punished for caring so much about another girl she hasn’t even lived with for a year.
“It’s the only way I can–” Hachiko sobs, choking on her words, “It’s the only way I can eat without consequence. This is… supposed to help me…”
“This isn’t helping, Nana!” She yells, now holding her face with both hands. “You were shaking, choking, I don’t…”
Nana shakes her head, sighing deeply and calming her breathing. “I don’t ever want you in this position ever again. I don’t care if you gain 10 kilos or end up buying the whole damn convenience store, just don’t do this again,”
“Please.” She finishes.
Hachiko cries again, placing her own hands above Nana’s, and she looks so pathetic that all she wants to do is punch her repeatedly.
Instead, with her heart beating wildly and fast, she leans in, ignoring the mess of fluids on Hachiko’s face and kissing her softly, holding her face firmly.
She has kissed people before without it meaning anything. Girls, even, but she never thought twice about it. This time, though, it feels different, and it makes her heart beat even more furiously when Hachiko leans in and kisses her back.
Kissing Hachiko is different. Her lips are slightly chapped and definitely hint at what she caught her doing earlier, but they’re nice, and under normal circumstances, she would be leaning for more. It’s a silly kiss, but so unmistakably Hachiko, that she can’t help but feel a deep sense of adoration.
She pulls away, staring Hachiko down and ignoring the way her pale face must be red enough to be mistaken for a tomato. She looks taken aback, staring at her in wonder as if she just hung the stars. Being the one on the receiving end, she feels unworthy of being stared at in such a way, especially by a girl like her.
“Promise me.” She asks.
Hachiko hesitates, lowering their shared hands so they rest on their thighs and gripping them tightly. “I want to.”
“Then do it,” she’s asking for too much, she knows.
“I would.” She smiles, and though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, Nana can still tell that it’s genuine.
She may not exactly understand, but she’ll try to. Even though Hachiko might do it again, or even do something worse, she’ll still try, because she’s completely willing to do anything to see her okay.