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He could feel it. Tsukasa’s warmth, Emu’s softness, Nene’s prickly exterior melting away. He felt all of it. Each kiss was so different and yet so undeniably right . He melted into every kiss just the same, content to enjoy their love, their warmth, their vulnerability, whatever they were willing to give he wanted and took happily. He was on cloud nine, completely ecstatic and willing to die if this was the last thing he would ever experience.
And then he woke up.
His mind still foggy with sleep, Rui groggily turned over in bed, well, bed was a loose term. It was the couch in his garage but it was where he slept nonetheless. He looked over across the room to his digital clock which read 5:48 AM. Wow, had he really been sleeping that little? He’d been asleep for not even 2 hours. And then the dream came flooding to the front of his mind. Oh wow, Tsukasa was so delicate, Emu tasted like cotton candy, Nene’s breath control was almost inhuman. Rui felt his face slowly heat up as he remembered more and more. Soon his face was burning and his thoughts were even more of a jumbled mess than they usually were. He put a hand to his lips, as if he could still feel the lingering sensation of their touch.
He groaned as he stretched, deciding to get up for the day. His alarm would’ve gone off in around 10 minutes anyway. He sighed, scratching his head and walking over to the mirror to get ready. As he started to brush his hair his mind wandered. How much does Tsukasa brush his hair to take care of it? What kind of products does he use? They probably smell good. His hair is so soft-looking. What would it feel like to have his hair between my fingers as I-
Woah, no that train of thought was being stopped right there. Rui did not need to deal with those kinds of emotions right now. He needed to focus on getting ready. Next step was to… ah yes, get dressed. That’s what he needed. As he rummaged through his dresser, he remembered how he used to store costumes for his childhood shows in these very drawers. He remembers performing with Nene back when they were little. She was always such a talented songstress. I’ve always loved her singing. I wish I could make her sing for me. Flat on her back, mouth wide open while I’m-
No. Stop. Those are not morning thoughts. Rui tried to shake the image from his head, only to have it replaced with the image he had earlier. He groaned in exasperation and sank to the floor. His brain was clearly not on his side as that brought more thoughts until he finally slapped his cheeks and tried to refocus. He continued getting ready without much difficulty until he started to walk out the door and imagined Emu hugging him as he left, and him turning to embrace her, pressing a short peck to her forehead before peppering her whole face and-
Rui shook the thought from his head as he began the walk to Phoenix Wonderland.
When he arrived at the Wonder Stage, he was greeted by a blur of pink latching onto him. He chuckled, petting the pink hair that was now at his eye level.
“EMU! STOP JUMPING ON PEOPLE! YOU’RE GOING TO KNOCK SOMEONE OVER-”
Rui immediately recognized the yelling as Tsukasa, who, upon pulling Emu off of him, was checking Rui all over for signs of injury. When he determined Rui to be fit to function, Tsukasa patted Rui on the back as his own form of early morning greeting. Nene was already sitting on the stage, much to Rui’s surprise. It was quite rare to see her up early. She looked up, being cued into his arrival by the commotion, and gave a small smile which he returned. Rui never realized just how pretty her smile was. He always knew but for some reason it really set in just now. His internal monologue was interrupted by a hand waving in front of his face. Wait, did Tsukasa always have his nails painted? They’re so sparkly… wait Tsukasa was talking. Oh no.
“-ui, Rui!”
“Hm? What is it, Tsukasa-kun? Can I help you~?” Rui tried his best to slip back into the teasing lilt of his usual persona.
“Rui, you sound like death. What’s wrong?” a quiet voice asked sharply. Rui hadn’t realized that Nene had walked over to them and grabbed his sleeve.
“Hm? Does my beloved childhood friend suddenly dread the sound of my voice? Oh how cruel you are Nene, truly cruel!” he tried his best to be dramatic to deflect the conversation.
“Rui. That doesn’t work on us.”
“Ah, Tsukasa-kun too? I’m hurt that you could accuse me of such things!”
Emu suddenly bounded over to them from… somewhere. Wherever it was, Rui was happy that the conversation had switched from his mental state to practice. Practice was something he knew how to deal with. He could focus on practice. That’s what he thought anyway. But then he realized that today they were doing blocking . Well, this was going to be fun. Rui let out a sigh as he walked to the backstage storage to get the tape. Inside the storage room he took a deep breath, appreciating this moment of solace. He let himself relax and smile to himself, blushing like a lovesick schoolgirl. He thought about how gently Tsukasa looked at him and how carefully Nene held his sleeve. He sighed.
“I really am a lovesick fool afterall…”
He covered his face with one hand, sliding it down until he was holding his own cheek. He imagined how nice it would feel to be gently cradled like that. His fantasies were interrupted by a call of his name.
“RUI-KUUUUUUN! DID YOU FIND THE TAPE?”
Emu, so sweet but so bad with timing. In a way he was grateful though. She interrupted his train of thought before it could get too derailed, something he struggled with this morning. He shook himself out of his daydreams as he emerged from the storage closet, tape in hand. He walked over and petted Emu’s head.
“Yes, Emu-kun, I found it. No need to worry your pretty head about it-” he froze as he realized what he said, praying that no one would notice.
Luckily, the universe was on his side today, as neither Tsukasa nor Nene pointed it out. Emu reacted as expected, just giggling and dragging him to the others so they could begin placing the tape. He smiled, attempting to play it off in hopes that no one would bring it up.
Rui laid the tape out where he wanted it. He even color-coded it, which he never did. Normally he would just have all the tape in one color and move his troupemates to where they needed to be if they were in the wrong spot. Today, however, he wanted to limit the amount of touching to the lowest he could get away with. He didn’t need his brain getting out of hand again. His orders were followed expertly, much to his disappointment. No, he was happy about this. He didn’t want to touch any of them that much. He was glad to be saved the embarrassment of-
“RUI!”
He looked up, seeing Tsukasa struggling with a pose. How could he of all people- nevermind. Rui chuckled teasingly as he walked over to help him.
“Tsukasa-kun, I would’ve thought you of all people wouldn’t need help with a pose. Oh how the mighty have fallen~”
“Shut up and help me, you weirdo.”
Rui chuckled and looked at the stage direction he had written. Oh. Wait, this is one of the simpler poses. Tsukasa should easily be able to do this one. He just has to… hold on. To help him I’d have to… okay, this should be fine. It’s completely fine. These are totally normal things a director has to help with. There is absolutely nothing weird about-
“Rui?”
Rui looked in the direction of the voice only to realize he had been resting his chin on Tsukasa’s shoulder. His brows were still furrowed as he tried to figure out how he could possibly recover from this smoothly. How in the world am I supposed to move away without seeming suspicious? I’m so close to him right now. Has he always had freckles? I want to kiss every one of them. I wonder if he has more anywhere else. I mean I’d kiss those too. Especially if they were- NO. No. Stop, none of those thoughts. I cannot be getting flustered now, he’ll know. Does he know? Oh god I hope not. JUST STAND STRAIGHT UP YOU IDIOT! PLAY IT OFF! YOU’RE GOOD AT THAT!
Despite his brain absolutely crashing, Rui rather smoothly stood straight up and stepped away from Tsukasa, just now realizing that his face wasn’t the only thing really close to the blonde.
“Tsukasa-kun, this is a simple pose. You just have to…” Rui did the scripted pose, “do this.”
Tsukasa furrowed his brows and tried to mimic Rui, still not getting the pose exactly right. There was no way he was still- no. Just a simple mistake. Everybody makes them. Even Tsukasa. Especially Tsukasa.
“Rui, could you please actually help instead of being confusing?”
Rui tilted his head, looking at Tsukasa. He analyzed the script, then Tsukasa’s interpretation. He placed his hands on Tsukasa’s, guiding them to where he wanted them. His legs were perfect, but his arms were just all wrong. Rui slid his hand from Tsukasa’s shoulder to his elbow and moved that into place. He then held the smaller hand and positioned each of his fingers properly. They’re so small and limber. Probably from playing piano. I love his piano playing. He looked at the piano so lovingly when he played Torpe. I wish he looked at me that way. He could run his fingers along- no. Stop it.
Rui let go of Tsukasa, admittedly not as quickly as was necessary, before stepping away. His voice almost struggled to leave his throat.
“That’s much better,” Rui’s voice was definitely more breathless than it should’ve been, but he was counting on Tsukasa’s denseness causing him to not notice- wait was that blush? Was Tsukasa blushing?
“Thank you, Rui,” Tsukasa smiled more shakily than normal. Oh well, it happens. Everyone has off days. Rui shrugged it off, chalking it up to be something going on personally for him. Rui called for break time before sitting down on the edge of the stage and drinking some water. Nene walked over and sat down next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?”
“Hm? Not-”
“Don’t give me that. You’re acting off,” Nene’s gaze softened, “Rui, is everything okay?”
Rui felt so vulnerable under her gaze. She could see right through him and he knew it. She looked at him with so much compassion, so much care, so much love he felt like he might die. Wait, love? No, he must have read that wrong. He looked again and there it was, undeniably, there was love in her gaze. He felt so overwhelmed and, in a moment of pure instinct, he hugged her tightly. At first she jumped, startled at the sudden affection, but she melted into it, returning the embrace gently.
Rui felt a weight crash into him and another pair of arms hugged him. That was followed by another. The troupe stayed there in silence for a few minutes until Rui mumbled.
“I love you guys so much.”
His eyes snapped open. Oh shit. I just said that out loud. Oh my god. OH MY GOD.
“We love you too, Rui-kun!” Emu smiled, nuzzling her face into his hair. She was the only one to speak though. Tsukasa just mumbled and Nene buried her face in Rui’s chest.
“I- Emu-kun, please forget I said that. I don’t know what came over me. Trust me you don’t mea-”
“ Rui ,” Tsukasa spoke uncharacteristically sternly. Rui froze. “Rui, why are you being like this? You haven’t acted this off since the Halloween show. What’s wrong? Please, we’re your troupemates. Let us help you.”
Rui had never been very emotional. He rarely cried and when he did it was alone in his room. But in that moment, all he could do was cry. He just cried and held onto Tsukasa and Nene like he was worried they’d disappear if he let go. Emu rubbed his head comfortingly which only led to him crying even more.
“If I’m honest with you… will you promise not to leave?” he asked, his voice almost as small as he felt.
“Rui-kun… we’d never leave!”
“We won’t leave, we asked you to open up.”
“I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to.”
Rui stood up and stepped away from them, smiling a little at their very characteristic responses, “I’m in love with you guys. I’ve been acting off because I realized it and I didn’t want to ruin the first good thing I’ve had in a while so I shut down and-”
Emu was the first to tackle him.
“RUI-KUUUUUN!” she whined.
Tsukasa followed shortly after.
“RUI YOU IDIOT!” Tsukasa scolded him in his typical mom-like fashion.
Nene walked over and bonked him on the head, “As much as I hate to say it, Tsukasa’s right. You’re a genius, but you’re a dense genius.”
Rui just laid there, his mouth slightly agape as he listened to his troupemates.
Tsukasa huffed as Emu peppered Rui’s face with kisses.
“Emu! Let him breathe!”
“But Tsukasa-kuuuun! We finally get to do this noooow! I’ve been waiting for so looong!” she whined as she continued to cuddle the director.
“Yes, but he needs to process this! You’re going to break him!”
“You guys are so loud… move over, I want cuddles too.”
It was as if all the love Rui ever could have wanted suddenly washed over him. He smiled warmly, listening to the bickering of his loved ones, and in the midst of all the chaos, life was perfect.