Archive of Our Own

Sure, they had video chatted, and they called each other when they could. But between the various extracurriculars the two of them took part in and Bowie’s after-school job, they didn’t really get the chance to see each other in person. More often than not, their plans would get cancelled.

And Bowie totally got that. Totally. Absolutely.

But that didn’t make him miss him any less.

A phone call from Raj’s number wasn’t unusual. Bowie had barely glanced at Raj’s contact photo - a shot taken at a recent hockey match - before accepting the call.

“Hey, Raj,” Bowie greeted, putting the call on speakerphone as he typed another equation into his calculator. He had a big test coming up, and he could not afford to slack off. Math was the worst.

He placed the phone down next to him on the table, picking up his pencil to write down another answer on the worksheet.

“Bowie!” Wayne’s enthusiastic voice startled Bowie so much that his pencil left a jagged mark going down the paper. Suppressing an annoyed sigh, he picked up his eraser.

“Oh. Hi, Wayne,” Bowie replied, “I honestly wasn’t expecting…you. Where’s Raj? Why do you have his phone?”

In this whole situation-that-wasn’t-a-situation, Wayne was the last person that Bowie had expected to get involved. The hockey captain had been supportive of their relationship - he was almost more excited about it than they were - but Bowie wasn’t exactly close with the guy.

“‘Cause I don’t have your number, eh. And Rajie’s asleep right now.” That was…weird. Bowie had just figured that Wayne was calling on Raj’s behalf.

“And you’re calling me because…?”

“Raj is sad,” Wayne responded bluntly.

“…What?”

“Yeah.”

“…Are you going to elaborate or…?”

“Ah, yeah, for sure!” Bowie could hear movement on the other end of the line. Was Wayne pacing? “You need to, like, come over or something, eh. Rajie’s been talking about you nonstop.”

Aww, that was sweet. It wasn’t exactly an elaboration, though.

“And did ‘Rajie’ put you up to this? Why isn’t he calling me himself?”

“I thought I said he was asleep,” Wayne muttered quietly under his breath, his voice riddled with confusion. His normal speaking volume returned as he continued to speak. “Nah, Rajie doesn’t know I’m calling. But he’s been all mopey lately, and he’s been checking his phone a lot. I figured it had somethin’ to do with you.”

“What, like you think I did something?”

“It’s more like…what you didn’t do. And I know it’s not your fault, but he misses you. A lot.”

“…I miss him, too.”

The admission was quiet, and Bowie grimaced at his own sincerity bleeding into his tone.

He glanced back down at the unfinished worksheet, unsure. He was a very busy guy. He had school. He had a job. He had responsibilities. He couldn’t just stop working at the drop of a hat to visit his boyfriend.

But if Raj was sad…

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. 

“Bowie? Are you still there?”

“…I’ll be there soon.” He could hear Wayne give an enthusiastic hoot as he ended the call.

Responsibilities could wait. He had a boyfriend to see.

—-

Wayne hadn’t woken Raj up before he left his house. That fact was very clear to Bowie when a disheveled-looking Raj opened his front door.

Raj was rubbing sleep from his eyes, clearly having just woken up. He was still, presumably, in the same clothes he’d worn earlier in the day, his white t-shirt and cargo shorts wrinkled from where he’d been laying around in them. Despite having slept for the entire two hours it took Bowie to drive to his house, he looked exhausted.

When Raj finally noticed who was standing in front of him, he gasped.

“Bowie?!”

“Hey, babe. Miss me?” Bowie greeted him casually, adjusting the strap on his bag.

Raj immediately tackled Bowie in a hug. Bowie, expecting this, wrapped his arms around him, pulling him even closer into his embrace. The two of them rocked back and forth as they held each other, the front door left wide open and Bowie’s bag having fallen off his shoulder onto the ground. Raj mumbled something from where his face was buried in his shoulder.

“Didn’t quite catch that, Raj.”

“…Yes. I missed you.”

And if that didn’t break Bowie’s heart, nothing would. Bowie squeezed Raj a little tighter.

“Well, I’m here now.”

Raj flailed a little at that, gently placing his hands on Bowie’s shoulders to push himself back. He still looked tired, but the expression on his face was of absolute awe.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had to study.”

“What? I can’t visit my boyfriend just for the fun of it?” Bowie teased, brushing Raj’s messy hair out of his eyes.

“No! Yes? I mean, it’s not a problem, I just-“ Raj cut himself short, taking a deep breath, “I just really missed you.”

And there it was. That honesty that Bowie had grown accustomed to. Raj cared so much that Bowie couldn’t help but find it endlessly endearing. 

“I heard you the first time, sweetheart,” Bowie reassured. Raj gave him a beaming smile and leaned up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Bowie’s neck, hugging him once more.  Bowie moved to wrap his arms around Raj’s back, pulling him closer. “And, for the record, I missed you, too, Raj.”

Raj let out a chuckle. He rested his head on Bowie’s shoulder once more, closing his eyes.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” Bowie asked humorously.

“Somethin’ like that,” Raj mumbled. “Didn’t sleep a lot last night. I’m okay, though. I’m glad you’re here, Bows.”

Bowie could hear the smile in Raj’s voice without having to look at him. He still opted to look at Raj anyway. “Are you too tired to go on a date with me?” Bowie asked half-jokingly.

Raj’s eyes opened in an instant, pulling his head away from his shoulder to look him in the eye. If Bowie had less restraint, he would have laughed at the sheer speed of the action.

“A date?!” Raj’s smile was as bright as the sun in its intensity. “Of course, I want to go on a date with you! Right now? A date right now?”

Bowie did laugh this time, throwing his head back. After a moment, Raj began to chuckle, and soon they had both dissolved into a fit of giggles. They both stumbled apart, Raj clutching his sides while Bowie collapsed into a heap on the ground, cackling.

“I’m- I’m sorry for laughing, I just-“ Bowie cut himself off with a wheeze. “You’re incredible, you know that, Raj? Incredible.”

“Thanks, Bowie,” Raj laughed, a little sheepish, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

He punctuated his attempt at flirting with a wink, but, in his recovery from the laughing fit, he just ended up blinking in Bowie’s general direction. Bowie let out another cackle, throwing his head back again. Raj stared at him with mirth, chuckling at Bowie’s reaction.

It took a minute or so, but Bowie had finally calmed down enough to catch his breath. He clutched his sides, wheezing. “I don’t think I’ve laughed like that in ages.”

Bowie wiped a tear from his eyes, looking up to see Raj had apparently - finally - closed the front door to his house. Raj, at that moment, was trying to brush the grass stains off of Bowie’s bag. Bowie sighed fondly, standing up so that he could meet his boyfriend by the front door.

Raj, having noticed Bowie’s arrival, handed his bag back, and began rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, “So…we have date today?”

Bowie chuckled, taking Raj’s hands in his own. “Yes, we have a date today. Now, let’s go, I don’t want it to be too late when we get there.“

“Is this, like, a formal thing?” Raj asked, looking unsure. “Do I need to change my outfit at all?”

Bowie hummed, contemplating. “Maybe bring a sweater or something. It’ll get a little chilly later. The rest is up to you.”

Raj nodded in agreement. “Okay, Bows! Give me a couple minutes, and I’ll meet you out here when I’m done.” 

Raj pressed a quick kiss to Bowie’s cheek, standing on his tiptoes to do so, before sprinting back into the house. Bowie decided to make his way over to the car to wait for him.

Upon putting his key into the ignition, he felt a giddiness that he hadn’t felt in a while. He supposed being around Raj had that affect. Even if he already knew where they were going and what they were doing, it didn’t make it any less exciting. His mood had already considerably improved just by being around Raj, their shared laughing fit fresh on his mind.

He longed for the day that they could do things like this more often.

Raj was only gone for a few minutes. He appeared in the front door and, after fiddling with the lock for a moment, made his way over to Bowie’s car. He’d apparently taken the time to brush his hair. The sweater he wore was blue, a similar shade to the cardigan that Bowie was wearing. Bowie rolled down the window and took in the sight. “Aww, we’re matching! Did you do that on purpose?” He asked, a smile on his face.

The question had been largely rhetorical, but Raj answered it with the same sincerity he always did in regards to Bowie.

“Uh, yeah,” Raj replied, blushing. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Is that…okay?”

“That’s more than okay.” This boy was going to be the death of him. “Come on, get in the car. We’ve got plans.”

—-

Bowie hummed softly along with the radio, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm. The scenery they passed as he drove wasn’t particularly interesting, their destination causing them to drive through an area surrounded by trees on both sides of the road. Not that Bowie would complain about that, but it did serve to make the mostly quiet drive feel like it was going to last forever. It was a comfortable sort of quiet, but it was quiet all the same.

Especially due to the fact that Raj seemed to be nodding off in the passenger seat.

Even after apparently sleeping for most of the afternoon, the hockey player was still fatigued. His head lolled until it rested against the passenger side window, his eyelids fluttering. Every once in a while, he’d snap back to wakefulness, but it didn’t take long before his eyelids began to droop again.

Luckily, they’d finally made it to their destination. Bowie put the car in park and took off his seatbelt, turning to give his boyfriend his full attention.

“Raj? Hey, Raj,” Bowie murmured, gently tapping on Raj’s arm. “We’re here, love.”

Raj startled, letting out a small yelp. He clutched onto his seat belt and turned to face Bowie. Realizing where he was and what he’d just been doing, Raj blushed sheepishly, averting his gaze.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Bowie asked, giving Raj an out if he preferred not to answer.

“Not really, but, uh, I think I probably should?” Raj responded, looking incredibly unsure. He fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater, “I think you deserve to know what’s been going on.”

“I’m not going to force you to tell me or anything. If it’s not something you want to talk about, it’s fine,” Bowie reassured, “But I am a bit concerned over this whole thing. You look exhausted, Raj.”

“…I just didn’t want to make you worry about me. I didn’t want to get in the way of your plans, especially since you drove all this way to see me.” Raj finally faced Bowie, looking him in the eyes. Despite how uncomfortable he seemed with the eye contact, he didn’t break it.

“Raj, you’re never an inconvenience to me. You worry about me in the exact same way, yeah? It’s a two-way street,” Bowie explained, reaching over to grab Raj’s hand with both of his own. He gave his hand a light squeeze before he continued, “I worry about you because I love you.”

Raj’s breath hitched, and he paused to think it over. He reached over with his unoccupied hand and placed it over Bowie’s.

“Can I tell you later? I don’t think I want to talk about it right now,” he requested reluctantly, rubbing circles into the back of Bowie’s hand with his thumb.

“Of course,” Bowie agreed, pressing a gentle kiss to Raj’s forehead. 

“…And you’ll tell me if you need to talk about anything, too, right? It is a two-way street after all,” Raj asked, giving Bowie a shy smile. 

Bowie offered him a silent nod, smiling at him in reassurance. Raj beamed in response as he squeezed Bowie’s hand a little tighter. “I love you, too, by the way.”

It was Bowie’s turn to be bashful. He could feel himself getting a little choked up by the sincerity, but managed to compose himself before it could show on his face. He had a date to go on, after all.

Bowie took the key out of the ignition, grabbed his bag, and stepped out of the car, shutting the door. Raj unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out as well, but allowed his hand to rest against the top of the door, gazing at where they had ended up.

They were parked on a tall, grassy hill framed with trees. The hill overlooked a concert a couple hundred yards away, the music faintly reaching them where they were. Bowie saw Raj’s face light up as he stared, the colorful lights of the distant concert reflected in his eyes. Raj closed the car door, walking a little ways down the hill in order to get a closer look. Bowie followed suit.

“I couldn’t get us tickets on such short notice, but I thought we could appreciate the view from here,” Bowie explained, a bit shy. He wasn’t usually one to do things last minute, and his own disorganized plans had caused him a bit of stress. He figured Raj wouldn’t mind, but he was still a little embarrassed.

“Bowie, this is perfect,” Raj breathed, giving his boyfriend an awestruck look. Encouraged by the positive feedback, Bowie made his way back towards the car, popping open the trunk.

“There’s more?” Raj exclaimed, jogging a little to catch up with Bowie. Bowie sent him an amused look.

“You’re with me, Raj. You know I aim to impress,” Bowie replied, ending his statement with a wink. He retrieved a cooler and a rolled up blanket from the trunk of his car. “I figured we could have a picnic out here. Maybe listen to some music, if the concert’s loud enough. That sound good to you?”

Raj flapped his arms in excitement. “Of course!”

Bowie handed Raj the cooler before kneeling down and spreading out the blanket on the grass. Raj attempted to help him spread it with one hand, clumsily kneeling down with the cooler still in his other hand. Bowie smiled at the gesture.

The picnic was also a last minute idea. Bowie, in his haste to get to Raj as soon as possible, had just made some simple sandwiches and placed them in the cooler, as well as some sodas. The blanket had just been taken from the linen closet and haphazardly rolled up. A bit unceremonious, but it got the job done, and Bowie didn’t bother to complain if it meant he got to see Raj sooner.

He smoothed out the blanket, gesturing for Raj to sit down next to him. Once he was seated, Raj opened the cooler and gasped softly in delight. He grabbed a sandwich and a soda for both Bowie and himself before placing the cooler down. Bowie reached into his bag, pulling out a stack of napkins, and handed one to Raj. 

Raj passed Bowie his food before digging into his own, taking a large bite out of his sandwich. “This is great, Bowie!” He commented with his mouth full.

Bowie rolled his eyes fondly as Raj swallowed the bite he’d taken. “It’s just a ham and cheese sandwich, but thanks, babe.”

“No, I mean, this whole thing! The date! And you! You’re great! This is great!” He prattled on in joy. Bowie blushed at the praise.

“I’m glad you like it,” he answered, “I wasn’t sure if it would be enough, honestly.”

“Enough? Anything you do will always be enough for me. You’re so…good. You’re so, so good at everything you do. It’s honestly impressive.”

Bowie could feel his heart begin to pound in his chest. He’d heard the same thing countless times from other people. He knew he was an overachiever, he knew he put his all into everything he did. But to hear it acknowledged by Raj? From the one person he had longed to see for so long? It meant the world.

“I know I said it earlier today,” Bowie started, moving to sit closer, Raj moving closer in tandem, “but I really did miss you.”

Raj moved to wrap an arm behind Bowie’s back, gently pulling him by the waist so that he had him close to his side. Bowie rested his head on top of Raj’s, sighing.

“Wayne called me today, and he kind of made me realize something,” Bowie continued, “I don’t think I’ve been…happy these last few months. I’ve been caught up with school, and- and with work. I didn’t really leave enough time for myself for a while there. Time to do things I wanted to do, time to see people I wanted to see. Y’know, I was doing a math worksheet when he called me? It wasn’t even assigned for tonight. It was for a test coming up in three weeks. Three weeks!”

He chuckled good-naturedly at that. Raj hummed, pondering for a moment. “Do you think you’ve been avoiding something? By working so hard?”

Bowie paused at the unexpected question, contemplating. “I don’t know, maybe? I guess I was trying to avoid thinking for too long. If I kept myself busy, I wouldn’t have to think about it. I wouldn’t have to think about how much I wanted to see your face.”

Raj gave him a concerned look. “You deserve a break. You’re going to work yourself into the ground if you keep that up…I get it, though, I really do,” Raj tried to lean impossibly closer, pressing himself further against Bowie’s side, “Next time you catch yourself working too hard, maybe you could call me? I think that could help both of us, maybe. You get a distraction, and I get to hear your voice.”

Bowie smiled. “You’re much more than a distraction to me, Raj. It’s a two-way street, remember? You’re important to me, too.”

Bowie brushed Raj’s hair out of his eyes, a familiar act. “I’ll keep that in mind, though. I’d take being able to talk to you over doing homework any day of the week.”

Raj gave him a playful look. “Even over the stuff that’s three weeks early?”

Bowie chuckled. “Especially over the stuff that’s three weeks early.”

They sat in silence for a while, eating their impromptu dinner. The concert‘s volume had raised, the distant spectacle becoming more intense. Bowie swore he could hear people cheering and singing along if he listened closely. He glanced down to see if Raj was watching, and instead found Raj fidgeting with the collar of his sweater. His hand - the one that wasn’t placed on Bowie’s waist - was pulling at it anxiously. He looked up and momentarily made eye contact with Bowie. Bowie sent him a reassuring look, figuring that he wanted to say something. Raj swallowed.

“…I haven’t been sleeping much. Or at all, really,” Raj finally admitted. It dawned on Bowie that this was the conversation they’d avoided prior to getting out of the car. The hockey player reached over and placed his hand over Bowie’s own. “It got worse in the last couple days or so.”

“Did something happen? Anything specific?” Bowie asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I don’t know. We had a date get cancelled pretty recently, and I just haven’t seen you in person at all. And then I had a bad thought a couple days ago, and it felt so real, Bows,” Raj’s voice cracked, and he looked down at their still-connected hands, “I haven’t, uh, really been able to sleep since then.”

“Can you tell me what it was?” Bowie prompted, squeezing Raj’s hand a little tighter.

“…’What if I never see him again?,'” Raj answered reluctantly. “It’s been, uh, kinda haunting me ever since. Keeps me awake at night.”

There was a lull in conversation where neither of them spoke.

“…I know it’s silly,” Raj continued, sounding sad. “It’s just been hard to go to sleep after that. I’ve just- I’ve just missed you so much.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, love. I know I’ve had my fair share of bad thoughts. I get it,” Bowie empathized. Raj leaned closer to wrap his arms around Bowie fully, hugging him. It was an awkward position for both of them with the way they were half-turned towards each other, but neither of them would trade the contact for anything else. “Thank you for telling me, Raj. I’m always a call away. Always. I don’t care if I’m at school or at work. I don’t care if it’s the dead of night and I’m already asleep. You call me, okay?”

He could feel Raj smile into his shoulder. “Two-way street?”

Bowie returned the smile with a nod. “Two-way street.”

They held each other for a while until Bowie’s legs started to cramp from the awkward, half-leaning position. They parted but they remained close together, their hands joined between them. 

The same fears. The same longing feeling. They knew each other well, it seemed.

“Wayne called you?” Raj asked, realizing what Bowie had said before. “I didn’t know he had your number.”

“Oh, he didn’t. He called me with your phone.”

“With my phone?”

“You were asleep.”

“Ah, that makes sense,” Raj concluded, “He was gone when I woke up, but I guess that’s ‘cause you were coming over.”

“Yeah. He’s the one who convinced me to come over, actually,” Bowie admitted. Raj looked up at him in surprise. He visibly pondered the implications of what Bowie said for a moment. An easy-going smile appeared on his face.

“That’s Wayner for you! He’s always been good with that kinda thing. With feelings and stuff. One time, there was this tourney in…” Raj rambled on, flapping his unoccupied hand excitedly as he began to tell Bowie the story. Bowie brought his arm up to place it on his knee, resting his head in his open palm as he gazed at Raj fondly.

He wouldn’t think about work or school for the rest of the night. He’d much rather think about Raj’s hand intertwined in his, and the sound of his voice.

—-

Raj had finally allowed himself to fall asleep on the car ride home.

His head was once again lolled against the passenger side window, but he was completely out this time, his breathing even as he slumbered.

Bowie drove with one hand, the other holding Raj’s. He’d glance over at his sleeping boyfriend every once in a while, but he otherwise kept his eyes on the road.

The ride was silent, but Bowie couldn’t bring himself to ponder about it.

By the time they’d finally reached their destination, Raj had woken up on his own, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Bowie put the car in park and took off his seatbelt, shifting in his seat so that he was directly facing Raj.

“I wish I could stay, but I’ve got to drive home if I want a chance at getting some sleep tonight,” Bowie admitted, glancing at the time. At this rate, he wouldn’t be getting home until early in the morning.

“I wish you could stay, too,” Raj mumbled, reaching his hands up to gently cup Bowie’s face. Bowie leaned into the touch, sighing. He’d missed this. He’d continue to miss it when he was gone.

”Call me tomorrow?” Bowie asked, hopeful. He placed his hands over where Raj’s were still pressed against his face.

“Of course,” Raj replied with a tired smile, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

The kiss was brief, but it was filled with emotion. By the time the two of them pulled away, they were both near tears. Bowie gently moved Raj’s hands away from his face and held them in his own, squeezing tightly.

“I’m going to leave,” Bowie started, choked up, “and I am going to come back. You’ll see me again. I promise. Tomorrow, I want you to be able to tell me that you got a full night’s sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” Raj gave him a watery smile, “and you are going to give yourself a break. Call out of work, let yourself rest. You’ve earned it. Maybe take a nap, or something. We both could use the sleep. Okay?”

“Okay,” Bowie conceded.

“I love you, Bows.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

Raj pressed a kiss to Bowie’s forehead, before finally forcing himself to unbuckle his seatbelt and step out of the car. He turned around before he could make it to the front door, and waved goodbye. Bowie waved back. He reluctantly put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.

As he drove away, Bowie took the chance to catch a glimpse of Raj in his rear view mirror, smiling bittersweetly at the image of his boyfriend growing more distant by the second.

That longing feeling was still there, but it felt a little more manageable, now. Maybe he really could give himself a break.

After all, he had a phone call to look forward to tomorrow.