Work Text:
Caught
Still shy in the newness of their postcoital moments, Amanda snuggles against Sonny’s side averting her eyes but making sure to keep their physical connection. Being with him this way feels decadent… exciting. It’s been two weeks since Memorial Weekend… since the wedding that wasn’t between Fin and Phoebe… since Amanda stepped out of her comfort zone and let her guard down by kissing Sonny. They’ve only been intimate… sexually intimate… three times now. The exhilaration and intrigue are so sexy. Sonny is sexy. She’s seeing him in this new light… just starting to realize this is actually happening. She is living out the private fantasies she’s had about him for years. It’s freeing on so many levels… and fuck, it’s fun.
She traces imaginary lines over his chest and stomach with her fingertips thinking about how bold Sonny is with her in bed, and how demure she feels. It’s as if their personalities swapped as their clothes hit the floor. Sonny is confident and sure where Amanda is hesitant and lets him take the lead. He has always taken care of her, but now… mmm… he TAKES CARE OF HER. She never had a man so focused on making sure she’s satisfied… so focused on her and her body. It’s scary and intimate and so beautiful that he wants to be this person for her.
“Hey… ya doin’ ok? Feels like ya disappeared for a minute.”
“I’ve never been better. I guess I did kind of disappear… into my head a little.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I’m happy. This is good, Sonny. I mean, you think so, too, right?”
He turns his body to face her, laying his head on the pillow with hers. His smile is warm and soft, and his eyes seem to emanate the wonder and awe that has surrounded them for the last two weeks. His lips are like silk on hers, patient and promising… his tongue tracing their shape… his hands holding her against him leaving no doubt how much he wants her and this.
“Lemme take ya ta dinner.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. A date. Our first date. Tomorrow night, you and me. We’ll go someplace outta the way where I can just be a guy crazy about the gorgeous woman sittin’ across the table. I know we’re not disclosin’ this right now… but… but maybe we can be ourselves outta the city?”
“I’d really like that. A lot.”
“Will ya wear that blue dress… the one that doesn’t quite reach ya knees… kinda swings around when ya move? And those same shoes ya wore with it?”
“Wow… I’m impressed. I only wore that one once… to Noah’s Confirmation. Didn’t realize it left such an impression.”
“Huge… huge impression,” he rasps as his mouth finds hers again, and his thumb coaxes her nipple to pebble. “Ya legs are my Krytonite.”
Amanda smiles into his kiss and then giggles. The transition from partners to friends was… choppy… but this… so easy. She can’t believe that with all that’s passed between them… the years and missteps… they fell into each other so seamlessly. Sonny’s lips and tongue leave a wet trail down her neck and between her breasts. He pauses his descent and gives her tits an extra amount of attention as if he’s memorizing every freckle and curve. No one has made love to her like this with eyes wide open, lights on and it makes her blush under the scrutiny. Yet, she finds the reciprocation of exploring him in the same way breathtaking.
No one has ever talked to her like he talks… he talks about her body… about how she looks and feels when he touches her and presses his body to hers. He talks about how he loves the sounds she makes in response to him. It’s such an amazing turn on… one she didn’t realize she’d be into until Sonny. The intimacy would be too much to bear, except that it’s him. So many layers have been pealed back already that these last few are so close to their core… and the most precious to reveal. When he talks to her about how she tastes on his tongue and how the scent of her makes him impossibly hard, she finds it difficult to meet his eyes in the light of such raw truth.
The all-encompassing raw truth of Sonny and Amanda is that he now knows everything. He has seen her from head to toe… every part of her… claimed her. He has seen her laugh, yell, and worry. He has seen her cry, and he has seen her come. Still, he stays, enamored and curious. By now, after all the tests they put each other through, she knew he would. She had to take the chance that they were finally on the same page. Amanda wasn’t going to let another moment pass where Sonny’s head could be turned by another woman… not again… not when they both knew they could have this when they were both ready to accept the enormity of it. After watching Henry Messner attack Sonny… after washing the blood from his hair with shaky hands… Amanda knew it was past time to open up to the one person who has ever held her heart in his hands.
Amanda slides her leg up his, hooks it over his hip. His hand wraps around her thigh and he thrusts forward almost instinctively. His lips find their way back up to hers as he rolls her underneath him.
“I can’t believe you’re ready to go again,” she purrs wide eyed and smirking. “If I only knew this is what I was missing…”
He blushes instantly. She wraps her legs around his waist and rocks against him causing the most delicious moan to escape his mouth. She loves this.
“Ya make me crazy. I can’t think about anything but you and this… doin’ this with ya. I never thought at this point in my life it could be like this.”
“Mmm… I know the feeling. You’re ok keeping this between us for now, right? I’m… I’m just not ready to share it. I don’t want anyone looking at us… dissecting this… not yet.”
“For now, yeah. We’ll figure out all the rules and… ya know… whatever we need ta do.”
He dips his head into the curve of her neck, his mouth latching onto the skin under her ear gently sucking and licking.
“It’s definitely been… interesting… working a case with everyone in the squad room… around the conference table… knowing exactly what you look like under your suit… hard and desperate.”
His hips press to hers again and she pushes back lining him up to her entrance. The quiet easy way he is fully sheathed inside of her so quickly is a wonder on its own. How showy and unnecessary were most of the preening men in the past? Sonny is perfect and completely fulfilling in his gentle way. He arouses her mind as well as her body making everything so fucking sexy.
This is no different. His gaze is locked to hers and he doesn’t look away… not once. He’s inside her, filling and stretching her in the most insanely sensual way. Though his voice is silent for the moment, his eyes say things she’s never heard before… not from anyone… things she never knew she was capable of hearing. She is on fire. She wants to scream it from the rooftop, but that would be a jinx… announcing this… whatever it is between them. Amanda Rollins is prepared to ride this wave… and Sonny Carisi… for as long as she can, so she will protect this utter bliss with everything she’s got.
***
Sonny knocks on her apartment door, in his hand a single flower. He’s nervous though he’s knocked on this door hundreds of times over the last seven years. This time is different. It’s different than before she kissed him in the moonlight on the Hudson. It’s different than the few times since the kiss when he knew they’d stay in. This is special… date night. They’re going out in public as a couple. Amanda will be with him… his date… the woman on his arm. He’s anxious and slightly giddy at the idea of it. In a few minutes, they’ll be out together, dressed up, holding hands maybe, sitting at a table for two in candlelight.
He hears a commotion behind the door… the patter of feet… the click of heels… the jangling of the dog’s tags. The door opens and there are three beautiful blondes smiling through the doorframe with their sandy canine panting and wagging at their side. Amanda is stunning. He can’t tear his gaze from hers... the excitement and joy emanating from her eyes. He wants to kiss her… really kiss her… but the girls are jumping and clapping and squealing. He adores them too much to dismiss their greeting with anything less than big hugs and kisses on golden hair. The girls run into the living room with Frannie right behind, so Sonny takes the opportunity to hand her the flower and brush his lips across hers. It’s quick and sweet, and he lingers close barely touching, breathing her in.
“Hi.”
“Hey. Ya look… so beautiful.”
“So do you… handsome… just… wow.”
He watches her eyes as they look him over. She sees him in suits every day, so he went with a crisp button down, dark jeans and a sport coat. He’s dressy casual, and it’s something he’s not entirely used to. Thanks to his sisters, Gina and Bella, Sonny upped the date night wardrobe… an informal alternative to the suit game. Based on Amanda’s reaction, he’ll have to treat them to dinner, too. He’ll think about that tomorrow, though, because tonight is all about this beautiful woman on his arm. She wore what he requested and, damn, she’s incredible. As anticipated, she’s soft and sexy, and so fucking classy. He’s having a difficult time getting himself under control. He watches her as she instructs Sienna about the girls’ evening and bedtime options, and five minutes later, they’re on their way.
***
He helps her out of the SUV and slips his hand into hers… laces their fingers. They walk a couple of blocks to a chic Mexican restaurant in Bronxville, far enough outside the city where they can relax into each other and enjoy being a couple on the town. He pulls her chair out for her and she smiles softly. He takes his seat opposite hers and they laugh awkwardly for a moment before settling in.
“It’s just us… the same us we’ve always been. Why am I so nervous?”
“Same us, but different, ‘Manda. This is different… seein’ each other in this new way… there’s nothin’ holdin’ us back anymore. Ya have all-a me. It’s… it’s different.”
The waiter stops at their table and drinks are ordered… menus discussed. Once the food and beverage is sorted and they are alone again, Amanda and Sonny fall into an effortless conversation. The gentle caress of hands… the blushing gazes… the sharing of bites… all punctuate the best date he’s ever been on. As though Amanda can read Sonny’s mind, she says exactly that same thing to him.
“Dominick Carisi Jr., you must be a master of The Date to have gotten every aspect of this one so perfectly right so far.”
“It’s not the date. It’s you and me. We’re always this good together, but the stakes are higher now.”
“Whatever it is, I don’t want it to end.”
His smile is the brightest she’s ever seen, radiating from his eyes, bringing unbelievable warmth and unbridled happiness. She studies him… right here, right now… trying to figure out what’s really changed or if this has always been. She thinks back on the times when people have assumed they were together… a couple… before now. Is this what they’ve been projecting all this time? As far back as when Jesse was a baby and as recently as a few weeks ago when Jim was in the hospital, they are mistaken for a family, for married. Like a flood, a montage of Liv and Fin’s eye rolls and expressions fill her mind as she and Carisi denied time and again that there was anything between them more than partnership. Fools to think they were just anything but destined to be this.
“Yeah? Ya mean that?”
She slips her fingers through his and brings his hand to her lips pressing a soft kiss on his knuckles.
“Sonny… I have never been more serious or surer about anything. These last few weeks have been… a lot. A lot. My dad’s stroke… how you helped me even though there was… someone… the way the girls didn’t skip a beat with you in my place… something shifted… definitively shifted. It was like my inner voice was screaming at me to stop wasting time. When Henry came after you, Sonny, my mind was made up. I knew I had to make you see… I just needed to be sure you weren’t… committed… to her.”
“Make me see? Amanda, you are all I see… it’s been like that for a long time now. No one else has ever mattered… not even close… the way you do.”
Tears well in her eyes and blur his face, so she closes them leaning in for a kiss. He tastes of wine, and it intoxicates her in ways so new and all consuming. She’s addicted. They separate when the waiter approaches and decline dessert. There’s a little pastry shop a short walk away and they decide to take advantage of the beautiful night and the freedom of anonymity.
It’s so incredibly normal, walking down a street after dinner hand in hand with the man you love. It stops her short right there on the sidewalk as if she hit a wall. Her breath hitches and she can’t seem to start it up again. Sonny is… concerned, confused…
“’Manda? Hey, ya ok,” he asks pulling her out of the sidewalk traffic.
She looks at him… into the blue of his eyes… the wrinkle of his brow… the pout of his lips. His hands are stroking up and down her arms trying to bring her back to him and out of her head.
It seems to work and not work at the same time. He watches as she comes back into herself, but tears spill from her eyes. On the brink of full panic, Sonny pulls his handkerchief from his pocket and carefully wipes the tears away. Amanda’s smile is as sudden, as blinding as a strobe light in the dark.
“I love you.”
“Ya… ya… love me?”
“I love you, Sonny. I love you. I’m in love with you and I’m happy.”
She starts to giggle. As giggles turn to laughter, and he gazes at her with fascination as the emotions roll through her one after the next, he haphazardly shoves the cloth back into his pocket and slides his hands into her hair. He searches her face for some sort of cue that what she’s feeling is anything but joy and amazement. He sees only surprise, delight, elation and… God… she’s gorgeous. Sonny backs Amanda against the brick wall of the building next to them and presses his hips to hers. His smile matches hers and their eyes say the things in their hearts that word can’t explain.
“Amanda, I love you, too. God, I love you so much.”
The kiss is deep and slow and soft and more than anything that ever came before. They are lost, together, in each other as the surrounding world completely fades and there’s only them. His hands drop to her waist and pull her close. Amanda’s hands wind around his neck as her fingertips play in the silky silver strands at his neck. Oblivious to the passersby, Sonny is startled when a heavy hand claps his shoulder.
“I think you dropped something, Counselor.”
Amanda and Sonny pull apart instantly, lips swollen and brains love drunk.
A man… a familiar man… comes into focus as he stands upright from bending and holds Sonny’s handkerchief out.
“Stabler? Shit… uh… thanks?”
As the world comes back into focus, and Sonny steps aside revealing Amanda between his lanky form and the building behind her, they notice a mortified Olivia Benson standing slightly behind Elliot, her hand wrapped in his.
Eyes are wide and cheeks red from embarrassment. Stabler chuckles looking at the three friends as realization hits them all at about the same time.
Stabler clears his throat, shakes his head as he leads Liv down the block. Turning back toward Amanda and Sonny, he winks.
“We won’t tell if you don’t.”