Work Text:
She doesn't notice it at first. It's not like she has the time to pay that much attention to these small details. Long days of training and meetings leave her exhausted and tired most of the time. Other times she busies herself either with cleaning her blades or walking around with Armin, all in order to get her mind away from Eren.
Armin helps. Well... he tries to. But there's just so much he can do with how busy he is these days. Filling Erwin's shoes keeps him occupied more than any of them thought it would. Sometimes Mikasa sees his tiredness, and oh how much her heart clenches at the sight of her blond friend. She wants to kiss his head, to touch the bags under his eyes, to be there for him and help.
Different assignments keep them away.
She's got her days with little to no time to spare to pay attention to people and their... hair.
Their Black hair.
It's not until the whole squad gathers together to have dinner one night that she actually watches her friends. Armin sits on her right side, eating quietly. Small bags of sleepless nights, slammed shoulders, nothing new on his face. Sasha keeps her focus on the food, even if her eyes do flutter from time to time. Sleep is hard to find for them all. Jean leans back on his chair next to Sasha, done with his food and ready to leave with Captain's permission.
And captain Levi sits on the chair next to her, at the head of the table. She's not sure since when but at some point she started taking the sits beside him. Not just at dinners but also in meetings or other places. Kiyomi always takes note of that, looking at her like she expects her to sit next to her instead.
Yeah, right.
With a small voice, Jean offers them all goodnights and leaves the table. Sasha follows after with a yawn. And Mikasa thinks about how Conny's absence is noticeable. He took the day off, paying his mother a visit. She wishes there was some way she could help him, really. But well, the world's always been cruel.
Armin stands to leave after Sasha, giving Mikasa a questioning look to see is she's gonna leave with him.
"You go ahead," She says, "I'll find my way around."
The blond boy leaves with a gentle smile of an offering. She loves his smiles. They make her feel at home. Eren's eyes made her feel at home too. Too bad he left them when he did. Stupid stupid stupid Eren. Always the stupid one of their trio.
With a sigh, she puts her head on the table, using her hands as pillow against the hard wood. Why did he have to leave? Couldn't he just... act like a normal person for once and talk to them? It's not for the first time that she thinks there is something seriously wrong with that boy.
To her, he's the idiot that can never read a situation right. Everyone knows it, everyone's seen it.
What a complicated life they all have.
"Don't put your face on the table Mikasa," Levi mumbles, holding his cup of tea in that unique way of his. "It's not clean."
Right. Unlike Levi, Mikasa's never been that obsessed with cleanness. Don't get me wrong, she's neat, but Levi has a level of standard that is just too high.
Instead of listening, she simply turns her head to him, still on the table, looking at his dark blue_black eyes. Blue or black? She never found out.
There's not even annoyance on his face. Both of them are used to her not listening to him. It's how they work. She does follow his orders when it's nessacery; like out there in the field. It's not even a second thought for her. But at times like this, things are different. He's not ordering her.
She just looks at him with half lidded eyes. How is he not getting old?! He looks exactly like the first day she met him. Sharp jaw line, white skin, no lines on his forehead, indifferent eyes. It's funny how much they look alike. Even their hair colour is the sa_
Her eyes fix on his hair the second she sees it.
Gray
A few Gray hair on his temple. So few she would've missed it if she wasn't paying attention. And her heart aches. Gray?
"Am I growing a horn or what?"
Instead of answering, she slowly picks her head up, and she's probably not in her right mind when she moves her hand for his head. Tender fingers sit on the gray hair.
Both of them freeze.
It must be a good thing that the dinning Hall is empty.
He doesn't move an inch as she caresses his temple with the back of her finger, her touch so light it's almost not there. And she's lost for a moment, empty eyes fixed on him. From up close, there are a few small lines just between his brows. Maybe from age, maybe from the constant frown he always wears these days. And suddenly she's reminded that he's not as young as he seems.
She's always known it, just never actually thought about it. Doesn't want to think about it.
"What are you doing brat?" Another mumble, voice so quiet as if he doesn't want to ruin whatever this is.
"Hm?" It's like she wakes up from a dream, and she keeps her finger there for a second too long before she takes it back. She's not feeling okay. Has not for months. And maybe Levi knows it 'cause when she sets her head back on the table with a long tired sigh, he doesn't say anything.
She needs rest. Maybe she can take a week off to find a corner and die. Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep getting into her. Her eyes flutter against her will.
"You're getting old, captain." She whispers, Nothing but sleepiness in her voice.
She hates his gray hair. She hates it. It makes her heart ache in a way it shouldn't.
He takes a sip of his tea, not at all surprised. So that's what this is about, huh. "And?"
And? And ... and what if he gets so old that he can't fight? What if he... dies? It's a childish thought but it troubles her more than it should. Without him, she'll be alone. Armin's smile makes her feel at home, and Eren's eyes, and Sasha and Conny's fooling around, and Jean's soft looks. But Levi...
Levi's presence is home too.
Levi's presence is home.
A silent tear rolls down her cheek, dropping on the table. A tear full of stress and pain and pressure and everything a girl her age shouldn't go through. She hopes Levi doesn't see it. It's too dark for him to see it. He wouldn't see it.
Levi is home. Just like Eren and Armin.
Her voice doesn't waver when she whispers "i don't want you to get old."
His sigh is all she hears in response. And maybe her tired mind makes up the gentle hand that sits on the nape of her neck, caressing so lightly and so affectionately it should not have been.
Sleep pulls her in before she knows it.
.
.
.
.
The End...♡