Chapter Text
Sparks sizzled above Drake's head. Behind his welding mask he sighed in satisfaction as the machine hummed to life. One more part down. He was in the flow now, and could keep going for hours. He shimmied out from under the console he was fixing, and found himself face to face with Lieutenant-Commander Rashad Domvallier, Chief of Engineering.
"Good job, Crewman Walker," Domvallier said.
"Thank you, sir." Drake pushed back his welding mask and wiped his face with a rag. He looked around the engineering room and noticed most of the engine-room crew were gone. Almost all the work consoles were back to functional, with touch controls lit up in bright lights against the black backgrounds. Smooth beige panels once more covered the recently damaged walls.
"That last battle hit us hard, but you've all done an excellent job with the repairs. We're back to functioning capacity," Domvallier said. "I've given everybody except essential crew the afternoon off."
"Could I stick around and help double-check the work, sir? Some of the newer recruits haven't seen this intensive a repair job before." Drake did not need more time off. He needed to work to keep his mind off of the one thing - the one person - he kept fixating on.
"You're one of our best techs, Walker, but you can't work every waking hour. Now go do something fun."
"But, sir - "
"That's an order, Crewman."
"But, sir, I can't - "
Ensign Maxwell Beaumont clasped Drake on the shoulders. "He can't wait to hit the holodeck for some rest and relaxation! Don't worry sir, I'll make sure he's fully refreshed before his next shift."
Not wanting to make a scene, Drake relented, allowing Maxwell to steer him out of engineering.
"You're a pain, Beaumont," he whispered.
"Luv ya too, buddy," came the cheerful reply.
Maxwell guided Drake down the brightly lit corridors of the USS Cordonia. All around them, uniformed busy crew members walked to and from their shifts.
The two of them stepped into a turbo lift together.
"Computer, deck four," Drake said, ready to head to his quarters to enjoy a glass of single malt.
"Computer, belay that order," Maxwell said, ignoring Drake's irate glare. "We're going to deck nine."
The computer chimed in acknowledgement and the turbo lift started moving with a gentle hum.
Drake groaned. Of course Maxwell wanted deck nine. "I'm so not in the mood for the holodeck right now."
"I've got a special surprise that will help you get out of your current funk," Maxwell said.
"Yeah, because I'm famously known for loving surprises," Drake said dryly.
"Can you at least hear me out?"
"I know you'll keep pestering me until I give in, so spit it out."
"I'm worried about you. Drowning yourself in work won't make your problems go away. You need to let off some steam."
"Playing another round of Squid King vs Red Octopus isn't going to help either. Your silly holo-games can only distract me for so long."
Maxwell grinned. "It's an excellent game, though! But that's not why we're going to the holodeck. You don't need to goof off. You need to face your fears."
"Great, so we're going to a Betazoid wedding with ballroom dancing?"
"No, silly. You're going to stop moping over Riley, and tell her how you feel."
"Not a chance!" Drake snapped. "Brooks is dating Commander Rys. I'd have to be an asshole to make a move now. Maybe when I first met her, I had an opening. But I didn't take it and now - Damn it! - it's too late. I didn't realize she'd start dating him immediately." Drake ran his hands through his tousled hair. "I've lost my chance, Beaumont. I just have to accept it."
An expression of pained guilt crossed Maxwell's face. "I wish I'd known you liked her," he said softly.
Maxwell and Riley were old friends. When she had joined the USS Cordonia, Maxwell had had been the one to encourage her romance with First Officer Liam Rys.
"Look, is that what this is about?" Drake asked. "You feel guilty and you're trying to make up for it? I don't blame you, okay. You didn't know. Nobody knew. Liam certainly didn't, or he never would have asked her out. But now they're dating and Liam's crazy about her. And, considering that she's one of the few women on the ship he can date, I'm not going to take that from him."
Almost everybody on the ship was in Comander Rys's chain of command. Brooks, that is, Dr Riley Brooks, was a research scientist - a civilian contractor, not a Starfleet officer. Her regular assignment involved researching abiogenesis at Starbase 39, but she was on temporary assignment on board the Cordonia. The fact that she was not an officer meant that she reported only to the Captain. Brooks was one of a select few people onboard who Rys could date without violating his personal ethics.
"Liam is one of my best friends," Drake continued. "He may be First Officer, but he's the only commissioned officer that doesn't look down on us enlisted crewman."
Maxwell's big blue eyes looked at Drake with hurt. Drake sighed. "I meant besides you," he said, which mollified Maxwell.
The turbo lift came to a stop with a gentle chime, and the doors slid open. Maxwell touched Drake's shoulder to urge him forward. The corridor was once more filled with people. This time, some were dressed in civilian clothes - off duty crew members, or their family, on their way to some social event or activity. The ship was manned 24 hours a day, so there was always a shift that was off duty at any given time.
Maxwell dropped his voice to a whisper as he continued pleading his case.
"I know you wouldn't make a move on somebody who's taken. I'm not suggesting that you do. But you've got to get it out of your system. You can't keep suppressing it until you explode. So that's what the holodeck is for. I've created a special private program for you, which includes a holographic image of Riley."
Drake gave Maxwell the side eye. "Just what exactly is it you're suggesting I do with this holographic version of Brooks?"
Maxwell's eyes widened at the implication. "Oh God, not that! Nothing creepy here. I'm offering you a chance to confess your feelings. Tell her absolutely everything you want to say that you've been holding back. That way, you can get it all out of your system, instead of bottling everything up. "
"Fine, I'll give it a try," Drake said begrudgingly, wondering whether there was some merit to this approach. Anything would be better than endless pining.
---
Drake stepped through the doors of the holodeck into a late afternoon immaculate manicured gardenscape. Shrubs trimmed into intricate shapes surrounded him, with flowers of all different colours. Ornate fountains sprayed water in elaborate coordinated moving displays. In the distance, musicians played live classical music. Various figures wandered about, dressed in twenty first century European formalwear.
"What is this place?" Drake asked.
"I found it in an old earth reference book," Maxwell said. "Go into the hedge maze. She'll meet you at the center."
Drake turned towards an opening in a wall of tall hedges nearby, hesitating momentarily.
"You can do it. Time to unburden your heart," Maxwell said with a smile, before seeing himself out.
Might as well see this through. What's the worst that could happen?
The hedge maze was simple to navigate, designed for beauty rather than difficulty. Although Drake much preferred natural wilderness to man-made geometric topiaries, there was still a charm to the maze. A pleasant gurgle of running water came from the small fountains which decorated the pathways. As the sunlight grew dimmer, the maze lit up with small fairy lights, creating a romantic glow.
At the center of the maze a leafy archway led to a large tree with a swing hanging from a sturdy branch. Sitting on the swing was Dr Riley Brooks. Drake's stomach dropped. She looked up at him with large curious eyes, even more beautiful than he remembered. She's just a hologram, he reminded himself.
Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Drake approached.
Riley stood up to greet him. "I hope you don't mind me meeting you here. I came because we need to talk urgently."
"You're damn right we do," Drake said, confidence building inside him.
She didn't respond, clearly startled.
"There is something important I need to tell you. Something that you don't know about me."
"Let's table that discussion for later. I actually need to - " she began.
"No, Brooks. This is the only time I'm ever going to say this. Just this once to get it out, and then I can finally move on and never look back."
Brooks raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Alright, but we should be quick."
Leaning against a statue for support, Drake screwed up his courage.
"The truth is, Brooks... I love you." Until this moment, Drake had not admitted the full truth, not even to himself. And now, here he was, declaring it out loud. His hands shook. A blush rose to his cheeks. Normally, he would be stoic, rather than let anybody see him like this. But, here, where there were no real people, he could be less guarded.
The hologram of Dr Brooks stood stunned speechless.
"I've loved you for so long, Brooks. Probably from the day we first met on Starbase 39. I felt it right away, even if I didn't know what I was feeling. I loved you when I heard you laughing with your friends, filled with unabashed joy. I loved the fearless way you challenged senior officers on their bullshit, when you knew they were wrong. Any time you were in the room, I always wanted you to keep talking, even if you weren't talking to me, just so I had an excuse to look at you, listen to you, observe everything about you."
Drake ran his hands through his hair. Even as a hologram, Brooks gazed at Drake with soulful eyes, filled with a mixture of confusion and wonder.
"That was only the beginning of course." he continued. "Maybe at that point, it was more lust than love. Pure animal magnetism. But then you actually came on board the Cordonia, and I got to see you every day. I saw the way you're kind to everybody you meet. When you're focused on somebody you give them your whole attention, as if they really matter... even a closed off asshole like me. Your kindness comes through in everything you do."
Drake scrunched his eyes closed, drawing on all his courage to continue. Even when speaking to a holographic image, this felt too raw.
"I... I can see why you love Rys. And why he loves you. You're exactly like each other. You're both kind, patient, and principled. You deserve to be with an amazing guy like him. Honestly, with all my heart, I want you both to be happy together. I could never expect you to love a cold hard cynic like me. But I needed… just this once, I needed to be able to tell you."
He opened his eyes to see Riley lost in thoughtful reflection.
"Drake, I never realized you felt this way." Her voice was soft and gentle. She looked down at her hands. "I actually thought you hated me for some reason. I never understood why. Now I see..."
At the kindness in her gaze, he was completely undone.
"I could never hate you, Brooks." His words came out in a husky whisper. "I always made sarcastic remarks, always tried to act like I didn't care. I wanted to keep you at a distance. I thought if I pushed you away it would get easier, but it didn't. I'm sorry I was such jerk. But, I promise I'll try be a good friend to you from now on, even if you don't notice the change."
"Of course I'll notice," she said with warmth. "I know you are a good friend. Liam always talks about you. He wouldn't care so much if you weren't worthy of his trust."
Guilt pricked at Drake's conscience at the reminder of Liam's friendship, but he still felt a deep sense of relief at having gotten his feelings off his chest. Who would have thought that Beaumont could come up with such an excellent plan?
"Listen, Riley," he said, savouring the sound of her first name - the name he never used. "I'll never talk about this again. And you'll never really know how I feel. But at least I got to tell you once, in this way."
Brooks - that is, the hologram of Brooks - gave him a sharp questioning look, confused.
Instead of explaining, he reached out to gently stroke her face. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, breathing in her scent. She even smelled like the real Dr Brooks.
Don't get caught up in it. It's pure fantasy.
The fantasy became more complicated when another figure approached them. Drake turned to see that it was also Dr. Riley Brooks, although the second figure was dressed in historical twenty-first century costume, unlike the first who wore modern civilian clothes. Drake shook his head as the two holograms eyed each other up and down. Typical Beaumont, he thought. He actually has an excellent idea, for once, and then messes up the programming. Still, technical errors aside, I should thank him.
Before things could get awkward with the duplicate holograms, he decided it was time to exit.
"Computer, end program."
The beautiful scenery melted away, leaving an empty holodeck with only Drake... and Dr Riley Brooks. The one he had confessed his feelings to.
What...? Oh, shit.
"Thank you for your honesty. That was brave of you," she said.
Drake tried to find words to reply, but his mouth went dry. He nodded curtly, his cheeks growing hot. I'm going to kill Beaumont.
"So, as I was saying, we need to get going ASAP," she continued. "The Captain sent me to fetch you for a meeting."
"Captain sent you?" Drake's embarrassment channelled itself into anger at the Captain. "She didn't think to use my fucking comm badge? Why the hell would she waste your time like that?"
Riley shrugged helplessly. "She told me it was a matter of utmost discretion. You can't discuss this meeting with anybody. And if anybody asks, you're there to fix a broken replicator."
"Great. Just my luck," he said with a huff. He turned to leave, but Brooks placed a hand on his arm.
"Drake, when we were speaking earlier... Did you think I was a hologram?"
He couldn't quite bring himself to answer that question, and so remained silent.
"Listen, I want to explain," she said. "I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I went to engineering to look for you, but Domvallier said you were in the holodeck. I assumed you'd be playing Squid King vs Red Octopus again... I - I'm sorry for intruding."
"It's fine," he said gruffly.
"You don't have to be embarrassed."
God, would she stop fucking talking about it? Why had he listened to Beaumont and his goddamned clever ideas?
"You know I'm incredibly flattered, right?" she continued. "What you said today took courage. Even if you didn't realize it was actually me, you still looked me in the eye and shared your truth."
At this moment, Drake would give anything to never have to look Riley in the eyes again.
"Well, that's super. Just fantastic." A sarcastic edge in Drake's voice kept feelings of vulnerability at bay. "Now we never need to discuss this again. Let's go."
He turned away from her so he wouldn't have to make eye contact, and stepped through the door. Riley stepped into place beside him.
This was going to be an awkward meeting.