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It was a warm summer night when Sebastian and Kimi went out for dinner at an al fresco diner in Germany. It has been two years since they last saw each other after the breakup and Kimi finally had the courage to meet the younger driver. He ended his contract with Citroën for WRC for the Formula 1 comeback, also hoping to reconcile with Sebastian. They weren’t like other ex-couples who would totally cut-off their connections with each other but they remained as good friends a year after they split and Kimi somehow hated that.
The Finnish thought of how he would get his little German back to his arms even after what they both had said from the night they separated. Neither of them cheated but it was something worse—Kimi couldn’t see his future with Sebastian.
“If I begged for you to stay with me, stay at Formula 1 with me, stay with me forever, would you do it?” Sebastian darted his eyes on Kimi, who was just leaning on the wall of their apartment unit, looking down with arms crossed. He doesn’t seem to listen to Sebastian nor turn his gaze on him even if the younger kid’s voice starts to crack.
“Kimi, please tell me what have I done just for you to treat me this way!” Kimi was stone cold even if the German’s voice echoed all over the room. If the walls could talk, they would also wish for the older man to respond. Sebastian walked around with frustration as he plopped down on the couch, starting to sob out of anger. The Finnish finally took a glance at his weeping partner. He felt his heart pinch as he observed Sebastian trying to collect himself after bursting out by wiping his face with his palm before shifting his eyes at Kimi’s blue eyes. He couldn’t help but to gulp down before speaking. “Kimi, please.”
“I don’t…I can’t see us going anywhere, Sebastian.” the older man said without stuttering. His face was blank, feeling so numb after saying those words to the younger person on the couch. He saw the tears rolling down Sebastian’s cheek but it was nothing to him. All he thought was for this confrontation to end. “What do you mean you can’t see us going anywhere, Kimi? I don’t understand.”
“You shouldn’t be with me. I can’t even visualize the thought of marrying you. I can’t see anything in the future with you. What else can I say just for you to understand?” Kimi’s mind was clouded with the fact that he might be the villain but he said everything that needed to be heard from his side of the story. Sebastian gave him everything, all the love that he could ask for yet it wasn’t and will never be enough for Kimi to see the following years with him. The white walls and dimmed lights witnessed how Sebastian cried for life that very night when he heard those words from the person he loved the most, his first true love.
Kimi didn’t show any concern for Sebastian but only grabbed his leather jacket as he walked away. He left the apartment, driving himself away, leaving Sebastian all alone. The Finnish reached for his phone on the pocket of his jacket while driving in the middle of the road, calling Ferrari to end his contract so he could sign up for the World Rallying Championship just to get away from Sebastian.
He wouldn’t admit it but he couldn’t bear seeing the man he broke and loved the most at the same time on the same grounds. His angels and demons started to fight in between his head, distracting him from driving. The rain started to pour so hard that it also made him hit the brakes so hard on the side of a lonely road where only a few cars can pass him by. Out of frustration, Kimi couldn’t control his temper and shouted at the top of his lungs, hitting the steering wheel so hard that it created red marks on his palm. No one could hear him as the rain roared in the background but once he stopped, his head fell on the steering wheel as well as his eyes started to blur out from the tears he couldn't help but to escape.
Once he got back to his senses, he lifted his face up and looked for something in the glovebox. A month before the night happened, Sebastian bought something and he was told that Kimi shouldn’t open it unless said so. With a limited vision of what he was searching for, he felt a velvet cube. Kimi slowly took out the box and stared at it for a few moments. Upon opening, a shiny metal glistened when a car passed by. Kimi only parted his lips and realized it was a proposal ring.
Sebastian was all ready to spend the whole eternity with Kimi.
Kimi sat on the table he reserved for the both of them, with a stunning view of the lake. The candles were lit romantically and the people were busy talking around him. The Finnish arrived way earlier than the German because of his excitement but he knew that Seb won’t take long since Kimi is the one who takes all the time to get ready. Not so long after his eyes wandered around the place, he saw a familiar figure.
The figure he longed for years, the figure he held for years.
Sebastian entered the open restaurant with all smiles on his face as he greeted the staff, obviously asking for Kimi’s name on the list but their eyes met. That moment, Kimi knew Sebastian never changed except he’s got more muscles in him and a more matured face. The German got two world titles already so there’s no doubt it made him look older than he used to. Both of them aged but for Kimi, Sebastian will always be the innocent, hot, youngblood driver he’s ever known.
The only person who could talk with him in silence.
Wearing a casual white button up with a blue blazer and a pair of khakis, Sebastian would look good in anything he wears, at least in Kimi’s thoughts. The Finnish in a black polo stood up to greet him but only received a hug from the younger man. No words said but they both felt what it meant to see each other. Sebastian smiled widely at Kimi once he pulled out of the hug, squeezing Kimi’s shoulder as he looked at his blue eyes.
“You look great, Kimi. Rallying must be fun, yes?”
“You look better with two world titles, Sebi.” Sebastian only smiled smugly at Kimi’s response that made the older man chuckle. They both settled down on the table and talked for the heavens to know how long it was, catching up with the things they missed while being absent. They had their usual dynamics wherein the German kid would talk a lot and the Finnish would just listen—they were always fine with that but they both tried to take turns, making each other laugh just like the old times.
When they had the moment of silence after a good session of jokes, Kimi pinned his eyes on Sebastian’s with the other returning his gaze. A smile formed on their faces unconsciously, seeing each other face-to-face. Kimi reached for Sebastian’s hand that was all laid out on the table. He couldn’t verbally say that he missed his little German with the very reason that he couldn’t bring himself up saying those things as if he could still patch up what happened in their past. Once Sebastian felt Kimi’s cold skin, he looked at their hands together but then removed it slowly with his expression changing. Seb cleared his throat as he sat up straight, which made Kimi shift from his position.
“Since you’re already here in Germany, I want to give you something.” Sebastian took something out of his pocket that made Kimi’s eyes glisten with hope that maybe it still wasn’t the end of them. Seb placed a small white envelope on the place where they rested their hands a few minutes ago. Confusion was drawn to Kimi’s face as he observed the paper. “It’s for you, you can open it.”
Kimi took the chance and opened the envelope. He saw his name on the back of it engraved in gold letters. He took a glance on Sebastian who was smiling lightly, signalling him to continue reading.
You are cordially invited to a one of a kind wedding ceremony as we witness the binding of Sebastian Vettel and Lewis Hamilton.
“The wedding is in a week. I hope you can make it.” Kimi’s mind couldn’t function well at the moment when he read what was written on the white paper. He looked up to Sebastian who was eagerly anticipating his reaction. Kimi would be lying if he said to himself that it didn’t hurt because it didn’t make him numb. Instead, it made him bleed and nothing is more painful than making yourself bathe in your own blood. Kimi tried to smile genuinely, not letting Sebastian look for any trace of bitterness.
“Congratulations, Sebi. I’m grateful that you still had the time to meet me personally.” The paler man said in his usual tone, trying to exert a little more joy to each of his words. He hoped a little more tonight yet he wasn’t expecting this meeting would feel like two years ago. “Oh, come on. How can I say no to the man who taught me everything about love?” Kimi remained silent and his smile never left his face when Sebastian said those words. He tried to mask what he feels mainly because he wanted his ex to have nothing but the best even if it would give him pain. Kimi tried to avoid the younger’s eyes by looking away to watch the old couples dancing on the stage.
“Should we dance? We never danced when we’re still together, Kimi.” Sebastian leaned close to Kimi and their eyes met again. He couldn’t resist but to see his own reflection on the German’s pitch black pupils that had once been interested in him. Right now, he only wishes for Seb to see what he looked like through Kimi’s eyes which is nearly impossible.
Because he’s getting married.
Kimi just snorted out and crossed his arms, laying his back on the chair. Sebastian stood up from his chair, offering his hand to the older man who just stared at him. “Please?” The Finnish only sighed and accepted Seb’s hand. It may not look like it but Kimi also wanted to do this, leading both of them to the dance floor. They stood in the middle of the stage with eyes locked to each other as Seb wrapped his arms around Kimi’s neck and his on Seb’s waist. They swayed their bodies to the harmony of the live band, skin to skin under the breezy night sky. Neither of them talked while they moved because both of them savored every moment they had together for the last time they could be this close.
Seb’s hands fell to Kimi’s arms that the older man gladly caught, his hands now on the German’s back. Sebastian rested his head on Kimi’s shoulder, sighing contentedly while still slow dancing on the calm beats. Kimi never knew it would be this comfortable because he has always rejected his ex’s requests of dancing when they were still together with the reason that he’s too stiff or it’s too embarrassing yet Sebastian didn’t mind it at all as long as he’s in his man’s arms.
It’s too late for both of them to do more of that.
And Kimi loathed himself more for that.
For two years, he tried getting himself away and avoided any talks about his relationship with Sebastian. He hates the thought that it has to end like this and he regrets every word, every action that has been said and done that very night. Kimi thought to himself that Sebastian is the love that he could never outgrow.
That Sebastian will always be the only person he could spend a thousand years with.
He was too occupied with achieving more and exploring his youth. He was a few years younger, admitting that it was the biggest mistake of his life. Not that he chose to pursue another career but he could’ve pursued it with Sebastian by his side. Now, he’ll be back on the grid after settling the talks with Ferrari. If the only way to be with Sebastian is to be with him on the grid even after the wedding, then it is the hell that Kimi is more than willing to endure. He would trail on fire just to feel numb whenever he pictured Seb with the person that should be him.
“You’re thinking of something so deeply, Kimi.” Sebastian said in a mellow tone that caught the Finnish’s attention. He was still living in cloud nine but all happiness has its own ending when reality is presented in front of him. Kimi embraced Seb tightly but not tight enough for the younger to lose his breath.
“Will you run away with me?” Kimi said spontaneously that shocked the man in his arms. Sebastian looked at him with a frown and a sarcastic smile. He squeezed the older man’s arms, slightly panicking. “Are you joking?”
Kimi just chuckled and wished that it was also a joke too. When Sebastian thought that it was, he dropped his head once again to Kimi’s shoulder and buried his face on the crook of his neck. Kimi felt Sebastian’s breaths that made him miss everything about them. He took a deep breath when the German started speaking again.
“I know you never make promises but promise me you’ll come to my wedding.” Kimi’s heart cried out bitterly that made him smile just for the sake of Seb’s happiness. He nodded once again, caressing Seb’s back as he cradled him.
“Yes, Sebi. I couldn’t miss the day when you’ll wear your finest suit.” They both smiled when Sebastian let out a soft giggle.
For the last time, he wished that he was also in his suit but not as Sebastian’s guest.