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I knew. Deep down I'd known if I came back to Charming this is where I would end up. Wrapped up in Jax. The details hadn't been clear, but somehow I'd known.
I came back to feel safe.
Josh had been leaving ominous voice mails, ignoring the restraining order. He'd come into my apartment when I wasn't there. Things were moved. Pictures from our year together displayed again. Chills ran up my spine as I felt his eyes on me more than once through my windows at night. I got thicker curtains, took a class, bought a gun.
The act brought me back to Junior Year. Jax had just graduated, and was a prospect with the Club. I'd begged him to teach me to shoot. He took me out in a field, miles away from Charming so we didn't get caught. He set up some cans and gave me a pistol. Spent hours teaching me how to use a 9 MM. I remembered him making me practice cocking it back until it went smooth and quick.
I bought a 9 MM just like he'd taught me on. I kept it on me at all times except for when I worked my rounds. Which Josh found out. Then my Dad died.
I didn't even take time to think. I packed up and moved in two days. Sent my notice by email while I was driving the Uhaul down. I stopped and got groceries in Lodi, then holed up in Dad's house for a few days.
He was cremated as he'd wished. No service was held. I started looking for open positions nearby by night, cleaning out the house room by room by day. My room looked like it hadn't been touched. A picture of me and Jax by the bed. My prom dress and his bow tie hanging in the closet. I sat on the bed and finally cried.
Within a week I had a job at the hospital, they were hoping to start a specialty center for pediatrics, and I was one of the leading ped surgeons. It was a quick deal. I didn't need a huge salary living here, plus I already had a pretty good nest egg.
The first time I saw Jax was at the grocery store. He must have already known I was in town. He gave me a small smile, and then turned away. I felt my heart crack. He was still so beautiful. HIs blonde hair still long, his eyes still so blue. His beard was filled in better now though. He was broader, more muscular.
The next time I saw him was after helping deliver his preemie son. Wendi, the mother, had been in my grade, both of us two years behind Jax. She had always been beautiful. The drugs had aged her though. Her body frail and pushing to expel a baby she obviously wasn't ready for.
Jax nearly fell into me trying to find out about his son. Abel, he called him. He thanked me, as if I wouldn't do anything for him and his. As if he'd forgotten. I shook off the thoughts, and reveled in his presence.
I saw him almost every day after that. Which made me feel safer. His check ins, his texts, his sunny smile when Abel had a good day. I knew things were happening with the club, some days he looked like he hadn't slept. Some days he had bruises. I knew better than to ask.
Josh called me on my cell one day at work. My illusion of safety shattered, I quickly spiraled into a panic attack. He knew where I was. Which meant he would show up any day now. I was back on high alert. The only peace I got was when Jax and even Gemma were nearby every day.
Jax talked to me more. We were friendly, familiar even. I saw a glint of something in his eyes a few times. But nothing was ever said.
When I finally had to tell him about Josh I saw his jaw tighten, his anger that someone would hurt me was all consuming. He ordered me into the house and took off after Josh. He promised to handle it.
Once Josh was drummed out of town I found Jax on my doorstep. The question he asked cracked my heart a little more. I answered honestly... I hadn't come back for him, it was just the place I felt safe. Which I was beginning to see... was because of him. I kept that part to myself and he left.
The terror that gripped me when I saw that Ipod, and when I realized I'd have to fake it to get away. I had to press my lips to his skin. His disgusting sweaty skin. He ate it up, letting me nuzzle and nip at him and get us closer and closer to the gun.
Once he was shot and laying on the floor I grabbed the phone and called Jax. Then I stumbled into the Livingroom to wait, pacing the floor until I heard Jax's knock.
I wrenched the door open and began trying to explain, my words all garbled and panicked. He held me close, enveloping me. He put his hand on my head, holding me into him in a way I had missed more than I realized. I told him what happened.
I let him take the gun from my shaking hand. Then he cocked it and headed back to my room. I couldn't help but notice how quickly he remembered where it was.
When all was said and done we were sitting in front of the body of Josh. My tormentor, the terror that had driven me was suddenly gone. Replaced with a wave of relief so strong all I could do was sob.
Suddenly I was kissing Jax, suddenly it was as if nothing had changed. The movements so familiar, his fingers, lips, tongue. It felt right, like no one else had since. Soon we were naked, his tattoos dark against his tan skin, he kept eye contact as he entered me, slowly, stretching me open with his fingers then his dick. HIs eyes twitched and jaw went slack with pleasure, but his gaze never wavered. Once he was moving, hitting all the spots we'd discovered together, I spiraled into my first orgasm. He buried his face in my neck and slowly worked me up into another. Then he did what I'd been waiting for. He pulled out and flipped me over. He ran his hands over my ass and his mark. The crow tattoo I'd never had removed. He kissed it reverently, then he kissed down my ass and thighs. His tongue more skillful than it had been before I'd left.
We made love right in front of Josh. His body splayed out and bloody. I didn't allow myself to comprehend that of course. I'd read about this once, Sex after seeing death was an affirmation of life many used to help mend the psyche. Or some such bullshit. My mind was quickly redirected back to reality when a smack landed on my ass.
After, we both fell asleep in each others arms. The scent of the room and Jax, hadn't changed. It was as if I'd time traveled back over a decade. I slept deeper than I had in years.
I woke to an empty house, and a giant section ripped out of the carpet. Not a speck of blood in sight. I walked woodenly over the spot, and jumped into the shower. When the hot water ran out I stopped scrubbing. My skin red and burning from the heat and scrub brush. I threw on my robe and brushed my teeth, staring into the mirror but not really seeing. I couldn't be sure if I was awake or asleep still, everything seemed so... bright and unnaturally hazy. Shock; I finally determined as I stared into the toilet emptying my stomach of its contents. I was definitely still in shock.
I was pouring coffee into a mug when the door opened. Jax walked in, sweaty and dirty. I pulled out another mug and poured him a cup. I walked over and handed it to him, then leaned up and kissed him lightly. He melted into me and wrapped his arms around me tightly. " I missed you." He murmured, his lips against my forehead. Then he kissed me again, and turned to head for the shower.
When he got out, wrapped in a towel, I had some clothes of my dad's set out for him. He calmly told me it was dealt with and as far as anyone knew he disappeared somewhere between Charming and his ATF HQ. He reassured me and I didn't question it any further. He insisted I stay home from work and I agreed, knowing as soon as he left for TM I would go anyway. I needed to keep busy.
I walked him to the door and he kissed me goodbye, then pulled me into another hug and just held me. He didn't say anything, not even that he'd call. But we both knew, this was it. End game. Wrapped in each other, where we were meant to be.