Chapter Text
Boots skidded onto concrete, his knees bending to catch himself as he landed. The fall would have been harder on his knees if he was younger, less flexible, but now that he had been fighting crime for many years and he had a great amount of experience, he hardly felt the stretch.
The moon was shining brightly that night, illuminating the sky and creating a soft shadow over the whole of South Park. There were minimal clouds, too, which made the stars in the sky look all that much larger. Some were bright, big, and twinkling–others were dim, creating the illusion that they were much smaller than they actually were. A gloved hand rested on the edge of the building where a half-wall kept him from tumbling over the side to his untimely demise. Not that he was afraid, not anymore. After the first couple of times, death just didn’t scare him anymore.
Blue eyes looked down from where they were admiring the night sky to study the streets of the town. It was unusually quiet. The only sounds that could be heard was the faint humming of bugs eons below and a select few cars tumbling down the streets. Other than that, and the wind every now and then whipping warm cheeks, the town was silent as a mouse. Eyes closed softly, long eyelashes almost sweeping upper cheekbones from the absurd length of them, and a deep breath was taken, absorbing the quaint, slightly pungent, air of the town.
For a few quiet moments, everything seemed normal–pleasant, even. It was rare to feel so calm in South Park. Perhaps that was why he enjoyed this job so much; it was a sharp contrast to the normal hustle and bustle of everyday life, a life he had lived since he was born. There was never a dull moment when you lived in a small town such as this, full of surprises and a lot of… stupidity.
He drank up the last few moments that were peaceful, enjoyed feeling the rush of wind on his cheeks and the chirping of the bugs below before the calm ended harshly and abruptly.
A scream was heard from a block away, one that was less out of fear than it was out of irritation. Boots scrambled across the roof of the building to the opposite side of where they originally had landed, gloves planting themselves on that edge instead, neck craning and blue eyes squinting to overlook the scene below.
“You!” shrieked the voice that had screamed a moment before, “I’m tired of you… you criminals poking around my store at night!”
An unmistakable, familiar maniacal laugh rang out into the night. “Oh yeah?” the new voice said, “What’re you going to do about it?”
The same blue eyes turned into those of anger, the peace he felt just moments ago gone completely. Looking up momentarily to survey the next building over, which was shorter than the one he currently stood on and a bit of a leap, Mysterion did not hesitate before taking a running start off the roof, knees bending once again to catch himself on the next one. He ran to the edge and was able to get much closer to the scene still below him.
“...call the police, that’s what I’ll do!” Mysterion heard the last bit of the shop owner say. He was wagging an angry, shaking finger at the man across from him, who laughed once again.
“I–we--aren’t afraid of those fools, are we, General?”
The shortest of the three of them, who Mysterion had failed to see earlier, gave his own barking laugh, resting his hands on his hips and shaking his head as a taunt.
“No, Professor, we are not.”
Mysterion’s eyes zeroed in on the tallest of the bunch, whose arms were crossed over his chest, his foot tapping impatiently.
“Step aside, sir,” he said menacingly, “unless you want to be in for a world of hurt.”
“No!” the shop owner said, feigning confidence, and then his voice dropped into that of a pleading manner, “Please, I’m begging you… If I keep letting you into my store, I-I’ll be ruined. I am losing too much money, and I have a wife and a kid—”
He was cut off by a clicking tongue and a tsk.
“We’ve been through this, old man,” the tallest said, uncrossing his arms and instead resting one on a jutted out hip, “You give us what we want, and we don’t hurt you. It’s a fair enough trade, don’t you agree?” He let out another laugh.
Mysterion had had enough. He leapt from the building he was crouched on, landing behind the two criminals and making the shorter of the two jump.
The tallest didn’t even turn around. Instead, he acknowledged the new presence behind him by saying, “I was wondering when you would be arriving, Mysterion.”
“Leave him alone,” Mysterion replied darkly.
“I mean, seriously,” the man ignored, “The General and I have been here for, what? Five minutes now? You’re losing your touch.”
“Leave him alone, Chaos.”
Finally, Professor Chaos turned around to greet him, smiling dark under the helmet he wore. He folded his arms once more.
“No,” Chaos answered, “I don’t think I will. And that’s Professor to you.”
“We do this almost every night, Professor,” added Mysterion teasingly, “and every night you go home with a few less teeth than when you arrived.”
“Oh my,” Chaos laughed, “You’re awful catty today, aren’t you?”
“Enough talk!” General Disarray shouted from beside them, fists flying up in front of him, “Let’s just kick his ass, Professor!”
“In time,” answered Chaos, his vision never leaving Mysterion’s, “First, can’t we have a little polite chit chat?”
“He’s right,” said Mysterion deeply, head thrown toward General Disarray, “No more talk. Leave this poor old man alone.”
“I’m not that old!” the store owner chirped up.
“Very well,” Chaos replied, sighing and ignoring the man now behind him, “General, you know what to do.”’
Disarray let out a loud war cry, jumping in front of Professor Chaos and bending his knees into a fighting stance. Mysterion jumped back slightly, boots skidding a little on the ground below him.
“Stay back!” Mysterion said to the old man, who quickly shuffled back until he was leaning against the front of the store, the door handle pressing sharply into the small of his back.
At that same moment, Disarray threw a strong fist toward the side of Mysterion’s head, who ducked just in time to avoid the powerful punch. He kicked out his left leg, using all of the strength in his foot to swipe at the side of the General’s ankle. Disarray let out a loud “aargh!” before landing on his side.
Mysterion jumped toward him, cocking his fist toward the other’s face in an attempt to knock his teeth in but missing when Disarray rolled out of the way. Quickly, the shorter of the two leapt up to his feet, using the top of his head to slam into the underside of Mysterion’s chin.
Groaning, the taller of the two gripped at his chin, pain swelling up on his face and teeth feeling as though they were vibrating and loose in his skull. While Mysterion was distracted, Disarray attempted another harsh punch at him, but failed when Mysterion slapped his arm out of the way.
Disarray laughed maniacally, kicking his leg out and trying to knock Mysterion over as the other had done, but failed once again. When the General’s foot landed back on the floor, knees spread apart in a wide stance, all it took for Mysterion to finish him was by quickly gearing up his right leg and slamming the toe of his boot right in between Disarray’s legs, foot colliding harshly with the others crotch.
General Disarray didn’t even have the strength to scream. His hands flew to his balls, caressing them gently before keeling over in between the man who had assaulted him and his boss right behind him, his mouth wide open in a silent scream. When his right ear hit the pavement, Disarray weakly whimpered the words,
“P-Professor… h… help me…”
“Well that sure didn’t take long,” muttered Professor Chaos, and although his eyes were not visible from the visor covering them, everyone was sure those eyes were rolling.
In a heartbeat, Professor Chaos let out a fierce yell, jumping over his useless sidekick and gloved hands reaching toward Mysterion. The blue eyed teen did not even have time to react, hands flying up a second too late and feeling Chaos tug his hood down over his face. The stretch of the material forced him to crane his neck downwards, and right as Mysterion’s hands came to close over Chaos’s wrists, the other slammed his knee harshly into Mysterion’s face.
“Dammit!” cried Mysterion. His hand flew to his nose, palm slapping over it and feeling blood ooze between his gloved fingers.
Professor Chaos, grip still on the other’s hood, let go to push the taller of them both over onto his back. A hand reached out behind Mysterion to catch his fall, the other still tight across his face, eyes squinting under his mask, vision blurry from the wet tears swimming in them.
A taunting chuckle was heard from above him and Mysterion’s eyes unblurred. His eyes met a toothy, evil grin, two fists held up high by Chaos’s face. Mysterion saw him lift up his foot, the other clearly making to squash the other’s face in again, but this time he was more prepared. Just as Professor Chaos’s foot came rushing down toward his face, Mysterion let go of his bloody nose and instead used that hand to grip the other’s ankle, using all of his strength to force it to land on the side of his face instead.
Mysterion used the grip on the ankle to push his lower half upward, knees colliding with the backs of Chaos’s thighs and forcing the other to go toppling forward. He flipped over Mysterion, landing heavy on his back with a grunt. Quickly, Mysterion flipped onto his stomach and grabbed at the man now laying on his back, gripping the other’s cape and pulling hard.
Chaos’s hands flew around his neck where his cape was now choking him, struggling for air. Mysterion got to his feet, pulling the villain up with him. Chaos’s back collided with Mysterion’s front, and Mysterion only let go of the other’s cape to instead loop his right arm around Chaos’s neck.
Two gloved hands flew up to the arm around his own neck, which was effectively almost completely cutting off his airway.
“L-Let go… of me!” Chaos struggled, fingers weakly trying to remove the arm wrapped around him.
“Say you’ll leave him alone,” growled Mysterion, referring to the old man that was shaking watching the scene unfolding in front of him. Mysterion’s lips were nearly pressed against the side of his captives steel helmet, flush with what would be an ear if there were no obstacle there.
Professor Chaos’s lips snapped together in a firm white line, whimpering out and letting out short, heavy breaths, needy for air. His gloved fingers continued to try and remove the arm around him, the tips of them pressing so hard into the arm that Mysterion could almost feel his nails digging into the sleeve of his shirt. It was clear the criminal was making no attempt to swear that he would leave the poor shop owner alone.
“P-Professor…” groaned a voice behind them.
“G…Get… up you useless… little…” struggled Chaos, teeth gritting together angrily as he responded to his sidekick, who was still rolling around defenseless on the ground behind them, crotch still caught between his palms.
“He’s not going to save you,” chuckled Mysterion, “I wouldn’t let him, even if he wasn’t writhing on the ground.” He pushed even harder into the other’s neck and repeated, “Say you’ll leave him alone.”
“W-Why don’t you leave… us alone?” gasped Chaos with strain, choking for air, “You’re such a–” another gasp, “--a pain in the ass. All you do is… foil our… plans and–” he began to cough, “bring us–ow--pain–”
“You mean justice,” Mysterion interrupted, “Mysterion brings justice.” His arm began to loosen slightly.
“Ugh, you’re so lame--”
Mysterion’s arm tightened.
“OW! O-Okay fine, fine! W… We’ll leave him alone, just let me… go!”
Just like that, Mysterion released Chaos, who went flying to his hands and knees, gasping for a breath.
“And I’ll never leave you alone,” Mysterion said from where he stood above him, “It’s my duty to this town to protect it from criminals like you.” The back of his gloved hand came up to his face, wiping away large globs of blood. His nose and chin had stopped stinging and were now pulsating into a dull throb.
Turning his back to Chaos and stepping over Disarray, Mysterion approached the old man, who was giving a familiar sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he gasped.
“Call out for me if they give you any more trouble,” Mysterion said, “I’ll do my best… no, I will keep them in order.”
“Yes, yes,” the man agreed, “thank you again. You’re always saving me.”
“It’s what I do,” answered Mysterion with a smile.
“Idiot!” an angry voice barked out behind them, “How many times have I taught you to keep your legs closed?!”
Mysterion heard the thump before he saw Chaos’s hand colliding with the side of Disarray’s face, knocking his glasses lopsided. The shortest of them all was now standing on his feet, knees shaking weakly.
“I-I’m sorry–” the General croaked.
“Maybe I’ll start kicking you in the nuts too,” growled Chaos, “maybe then you’ll stop getting your balls busted in half!”
It took everything for Mysterion not to laugh.
General Disarray murmured something, head hung in shame. Professor Chaos’s head turned up to face Mysterion.
“Don’t think this is the last you’ll see of me!” he grunted.
“It never is,” smiled Mysterion menacingly. The other growled, turning back to his sidekick.
“Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll get you an ice pack.”
***
Kenny McCormick was the first one of his friends to arrive at the bus stop the next morning. His hands were shoved into his pockets, jacket zipped up all the way to his cheekbones. It wasn’t necessarily freezing that day, only being late September, but it had become a habit since he was younger to make sure his parka was snug against his face.
“Hey, dude!”
Kenny turned to greet one of his best friends.
“Hey, Kyle.”
“It’s unusual for you to be here first,” Kyle commented, “What, you couldn’t sleep?”
“I never do,” Kenny responded with an unseen, knowing grin. “But somehow I still manage to get better grades than you do.”
“Not cool, dude.”
“What’s up, guys?” said the voice of Stan, another one of Kenny’s best friends. He slapped a hand harshly on Kyle’s back.
“Hi, Stan. Did you do the math homework?” asked Kyle, looking up at Stan as he slid into place beside him.
“Pft, no,” answered Stan, “I’ll just copy yours.”
“Like hell you will!” Kyle responded, “I’m not bailing you out this time, dude.”
“Hey, why not?”
“Come on, man. Aren’t you always saying you want to get out of here?” Kyle continued, “How are you gonna do that if you let your grades tank?”
“Jeez, since when did you turn into such a nerd?” muttered Stan teasingly.
“I’m serious!” said Kyle, exasperated, “It’s our senior year, dude. Now is your last chance to work on your grades. How else are you going to get into college out of state? It’s your funeral, man.”
Stan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He then added with a playful grin, “I’ll just steal Butters’ homework.”
Kenny felt his heart give a lurch at the mention of Butter’s name. He did not know exactly when his crush for the other blond had begun, maybe the start of high school years ago, but for some reason he just couldn’t kick how he felt about the other boy. He turned his head away from his friends to avoid them seeing the blush creeping up his neck, even though his jacket covered his features.
As the other two laughed at their own joke, Kenny took some deep breaths to try and get his cheeks back to a normal color. At that same moment, the three of them groaned when they heard a familiar voice shouting out for them from afar.
“Hey, assholes!”
Kenny didn’t know if the term ‘best friend’ was the correct word to use when describing Eric Cartman. They had always sort of stuck together, but most of the time Kenny hated him in a ‘frenemy’ type of way.
“Ugh, here comes the fatass,” grumbled Kyle. Kenny and Stan snickered.
“You’ll never believe the dream I had last night!” Cartman said as he approached them, panting a little from the slight hill he had to climb to make it to them.
“Nobody cares,” Kyle replied.
“It was about an awesome way to make money!” Cartman continued, ignoring Kyle, “But I’m gonna need you guys’ help!”
“If you want money, how about getting a job?” Stan suggested. Cartman’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Jobs are for losers,” Cartman said, “why would I waste my time with labor when I can just exploit other people to get what I want?”
“Hey, Butters has a job,” interjected Kenny before he could think. The other three turned to look at him, puzzled.
“Yeah, and Butters is a loser,” finished Cartman. Kenny felt his blood begin to boil.
Before he had time to respond, Kenny saw the bus approaching from the corner of his eye.
“Bus is here,” Stan announced unnecessarily. It was impossible not to hear the squeaking of the brakes as the bus approached, even from blocks away.
The four of them scrambled onto the bus, Kenny bringing up the rear. His heart began to race again as his eyes instinctively flew to where he knew Butters would be sitting. The blond normally sat closer to the front on the driver’s side, insisting that it was one of the safest places to sit. Today, he was only sitting three rows back, right in front of South Park’s most famous gay couple.
Kyle and Stan automatically made for the back of the bus–they liked the bumpiness of the ride back there–and Kenny began to make his way toward his crush when he suddenly heard Cartman say from in front of him,
“Ah, Butters! Just the person I wanted to see!” He began to waddle toward Butters, “I need your assistance with something!”
“Not so fast!” Kenny said, shoving Cartman forward, “I’ll be sitting next to him.”
“What?” Cartman argued, turning around to look at his friend, “Why? I need him!”
“No, you don’t, fatty,” argued Kenny, and before Cartman could respond he squished himself around the larger of the two and took a seat next to Butters, backpack resting between his feet.
“Hey!” Cartman shouted, “You stupid asshole!”
“Sit down!” the bus driver yelled, and Cartman growled, giving Kenny one last glare before walking further down and finding a spot by himself. The bus started rolling forward again with a lurch.
“Well, hi, Kenny!”
Kenny’s heart once again began to beat faster within his chest. His hands felt clammy and began to tremble on their own. He turned to face the teen beside him, heart nearly giving out at the warm smile Butters was giving him after greeting him.
“Butters… hi.”
“You… seemed pretty eager to sit by me today,” chuckled Butters, cheeks going a little pink.
“Don’t I always?” responded Kenny quickly, gulping nervously. Then he added, “I normally always sit by you.”
“Well, yeah…”
“You, uh,” Kenny swallowed, “you don’t want to sit by me?”
“I didn’t say that!” replied Butters in a hurry, with haste, eyes wide. Kenny saw him blush again at the realization of how quickly he had answered.
Cute.
“You…” Butters started before finishing with a weak smile, “You’re my friend. Of course I want to sit by you!”
Kenny’s smile faltered a little. Friend, he thought, right. He’s not into you.
The two of them stared at one another awkwardly for a moment. Kenny had studied Butters’ eyes before, but today they looked even brighter than they normally did, contrasting his own dark ones.
“By the way,” Kenny said, finally cutting the silence, “don’t agree to help Cartman.”
Butters giggled. Giggled. Kenny’s heart had burst. “You always say that, Kenny.”\
“And every time, you don’t listen to me.”
“Well… Eric is my friend, too,” responded Butters apologetically, his smile small as he looked up at Kenny. “Maybe he isn’t… well, the best guy, but–”
“No ‘but’s.” Kenny licked his dry lips, “Just end it there. He isn’t the best guy.”
“I think that everyone deserves a second chance.”
“He’s had, like, a million chances, Butters. The guy is evil.”
Butters’ smile vanished completely at that. “Evil…” he repeated. He looked away from Kenny and down into his lap. “That’s a strong word…”
Kenny was confused, but didn’t push his friend. “Anyway,” he continued, nudging Butters a little, “I… I just don’t want you to get hurt anymore. You’re always banged up by the time you’re done helping him.”
Letting out a sigh, Butters said, “I know. But… he…”
He looked away from Kenny completely, shielding his face as he looked out the window.
“He makes me feel…”
For one absolutely revolting moment, Kenny thought Butters was about to confess his feelings for Eric Cartman.
“...cool.”
Kenny’s heart clenched, relief washing over him and also a little disgusted with himself for even considering anyone could have a crush on Cartman. But then it clenched again, feeling hurt.
“What?” Kenny almost laughed, “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Butters looked at him, eyes full of anger. “I knew you wouldn’t understand!”
“No, no–” Kenny continued, “I, I just mean… Well, I’m not sure I understand.”
Smile slowly coming back, Butters answered, “It’s nothing. Forget it.”
“I think you’re cool,” rushed Kenny, “I’ve always thought you were cool, Butters.”
Butters’ cheeks began to turn red again. “You do?”
“Hell yeah,” Kenny said, sitting up a little and turning to face him better, “I mean, you’re like, super smart, Butters. You’ve got good grades, and you always know the answers when I ask you for help on assignments–”
“Kenny–”
“And your brain is full of, like, the coolest facts ever! Stuff I would have never known if you hadn’t told me–”
“Alright, Kenny!” laughed Butters, “I get it!”
Kenny laughed along with him. “I mean it. How could you think you aren’t cool?”
Butters looked down, gripping the backpack on his lap, “I don’t know…” he paused for a moment before looking back into Kenny’s eyes and finishing, “Thanks for saying all that, Kenny.”
The taller of the two grinned down at him. “Sure, Butters.”
“Can you two shut the fuck up?” a voice said from directly behind them, “I can’t hear my boyfriend.”
“Shut up, Craig!” Kenny snarled, turning around to face the couple behind him, “Your boyfriend is so fucking loud, I bet they can hear him on Mars!”
“Hey!” squealed Tweek, “Fuck you, asshole!” he said, at the same time that Craig was shouting, “Don’t talk about him like that!”
When the bus came to a grinding halt in front of the town’s high school, Kenny was one of the first ones to jump up into the aisle, Butters following him close behind.
“Want me to walk you to your first period?” Kenny offered, and Butters shook his head.
“That’s okay, Kenny, thanks. I’m gonna go ask our science teacher about this one thing in our textbook before I go.”
“Alright. See you later, man.”
Butters gave him a small wave as he walked away, and Kenny watched him go down the hallway until he was out of sight. He gave a deep sigh, finally feeling his breathing going back to normal as his adrenaline had been pumping since seeing Butters. He only ever felt that same adrenaline when he was out fighting crime as Mysterion at night.
Kenny had sworn to himself since he was a kid that he would never reveal his true identity as Mysterion to anyone, and he still never had, not even after so many years as being the town’s hero. Being a superhero was one of the only things he had going for him. Sure, his grades were alright, but they weren’t good enough to get him a full ride into any colleges, so he was stuck in South Park, anyway.
But Kenny didn’t care much. He liked his alter ego and fighting crime, especially against his arch nemesis. He was already hoping that the day would go by quickly, partly so that he could see Butters again at lunch, but also he was awaiting the nighttime, when Professor Chaos would be up to no good again.
People had stopped speculating on his identity a long time ago. Back in elementary and even the first half of middle school, people would be guessing Mysterion’s identity, none of them ever right. It was easy to overlook Kenny McCormick when making guesses–after all, what would a poor kid ever want to do with stopping criminals? There was no reward for it other than keeping the town at peace and maintaining justice.
Things had been relatively simple, too, since Kenny created alter ego. That was until Professor Chaos had come around toward the beginning of high school; he was one of the only villains out there that gave Kenny any real trouble and proved to be a challenge. Before that, criminals would get one or two of Mysterion’s beatings and never attempt a crime again. Chaos was the only one who kept coming back.
But Kenny actually liked that. As much as Chaos was a pain in his ass, it made the job fun. He always had fun being a superhero, but having a nemesis sealed the deal.
And even though everyone else was desperate to know, Kenny had never once cared to know of his enemy’s true identity. Learning the truth might just spoil what they had. Not that they had anything, but Kenny swore that sometimes, after a long, grueling battle, he would catch a smile on Professor Chaos’s face, a smile that said let’s do this again.
So, Kenny felt content keeping Mysterion’s identity a secret and never knowing just who it was that he fought against, and beat, almost every night.
***
“Come for another scrotum rearrangement?” said Mysterion slyly. General Disarray snarled at him.
“Calm down, Disarray,” ordered Professor Chaos, but he was clearly trying not to laugh at what his nemesis had said, “he’s so obviously trying to rile you up.”
“Well, it’s working!” hissed the General. The two of them were facing Mysterion, who was on the rooftop of the building right next to the one where they stood. They were maybe fifteen feet apart, with a steep drop-off between them. If any of them fell, they’d fall down five stories and splatter their guts all over the alleyway between them.
“Be silent,” commanded Chaos. Disarray hissed again. “What, Mysterion? You’re stopping us before we even try to commit a crime, now? We aren’t doing anything. Just going for a midnight stroll!”
“You’re up to no good, Chaos, I know it,” Mysterion said darkly.
“’Professor’,” the other corrected.
“Chaos,” Mysterion repeated. Chaos hummed.
“Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to bore you tonight, Mysterion.” Chaos looked bored, finishing, “We aren’t up to anything tonight.”
“Like I believe that,” spat Mysterion. Chaos smirked.
“No, really!” he continued, “I turned to my sidekick and said, ‘you know what, General? Let’s just hangout tonight, be cool.’”
“...’sidekick,’” muttered General Disarray, looking defeated under his steel glasses.
The other two ignored him. Mysterion rolled his eyes, “Well, if that’s true, don’t let me interrupt, then.”
They were all silent for a moment.
“...What… are you just gonna stand there?” questioned Chaos, puzzled, his arms folded over his chest once again.
“Yeah,” Mysterion shrugged, “If you’re not up to anything, then surely you don’t mind me just hanging out over here, too.”
“Well, like–” General Disarray spluttered, “Could you, like, turn around or something, maybe–?”
“Why should I?” Mysterion grinned, “What’re you gonna do if I turn around?”
Chaos and the General shared a glance before turning back to him. They answered at the same time. “Nothing.”
“Cool,” Mysterion answered, “That’s cool.”
The three of them were silent again. Disarray coughed.
“Um…” the General said, “Should… should we go now?” His eyes were turned up toward Professor Chaos.
“No,” he muttered, vision never leaving Mysterion’s. General Disarray began to whine.
“Come on, it’s cold up here,” he bitched, “Let’s go.”
“No,” Chaos repeated, a little more stern.
“But what about going to the dump–?”
Professor Chaos’s neck snapped so fast to bore his eyes down at the man beside him, Mysterion swore it could have been broken.
“Shut up, General!”
“Oh,” Mysterion teased, long and winded, “‘The dump,’ huh? What are you going to do there?”
Chaos let out a wild growl, raising his hand toward his sidekick, “You absolute moron!”
“I’m sorry!” hurried General Disarray, “I just–”
“What?!” shrieked Chaos, “You just what?!”
It was as though something inside Disarray snapped.
“Why do we always have to fight this guy?!” General Disarray shouted, “You told me when I agreed to work with you that we would bring chaos to this stupid town!”
“What are you talking about?” spat Professor Chaos.
“When I joined you,” hissed Disarray, “you said we were alike! You said we both wanted to see this town destroyed! You said we would work together to bring South Park down! You said we would be partners, but all you’ve ever done is order me around–”
“’Partners?’” laughed Chaos incredulous, “And what have you done exactly, to make yourself worthy of partnership? Worthy of being my partner? All you do is show you are a nuisance! I mean, seriously, must I spell it out for you? You would think after so many kicks you’d start wearing a steel cup down there!”
General Disarray’s mouth opened and shut, silent. His skin was red, blood boiling.
“‘Partner’... don’t make me laugh! I took you in because I felt sorry for you. I allowed you to work beside me because we had the same ideas, I made you my sidekick because–”
“There!” screamed Disarray, “That! That word! ‘Sidekick’! I am no sidekick!”
Professor Chaos laughed in his face, hands resting on his hips. “Oh, really?”
“Yes, really!” spat Disarray, continuing, “I am just as worthy of being a villain as you are!”
“You think you’re better than me?” teased Chaos, “Hold your tongue, General, before I really get angry.”
“You act like you’re some great supervillain, but what sort of destruction have you brought to this town?” the General fought, “None! You’ve barely even committed any crimes!”
“I’m warning you,” said Chaos darkly.
“Every night we come out here with a plan and it always gets foiled by that guy!” Disarray nodded his head toward Mysterion. “And even though I come up with ideas to get around him, you don’t take any of them!”
“Enough,” Chaos commanded.
“It’s like you want to get caught by him! It’s like you think this is some kind of fun game!”
“I said enough!”
“Well, it’s not a game to me,” finished General Disarray, “I meant it when I said I wanted to see this town in ruin. I’m done taking orders from you.”
“General,” said Chaos through gritted teeth, “think very carefully about what comes out of your mouth next.”
“I’m a greater villain than you’ll ever be–”
Professor Chaos lunged at him. In a flash, the General was knocked on his bottom. The taller swiftly stomped his heel into the other’s face, the same way that he had done so with Mysterion the night before. Only this time, Chaos hadn’t missed.
Disarray gasped, a tooth flying across the rooftop of the building. Blood was spurting from his mouth from the gap where his tooth had been knocked out. Chaos made quick work of grasping the front of his shirt, fisting right over the large “GD” that was written there and yanking him up slightly. Their faces were inches apart.
“Don’t ever,” growled Chaos through gritted teeth, “speak to me like that again.” He let go of Disarray’s shirt, the smaller landing his head harshly down onto the concrete below. “Next time… I won’t be so nice.”
Professor Chaos turned his back to General Disarray. Mysterion watched his profile start walking toward the edge of the building, boots squeaking slightly as he walked, his head downcast.
“Y-You…” Disarray swallowed, “You really should have listened to my ideas, Professor.”
Chaos stopped in his tracks but did not turn around. He let out another single chuckle, clearly about to make some quick witted retort when Mysterion saw General Disarray pull something out from his pocket out of the corner of his eye.
He struggled to get the warning out, spit bubbling up in his mouth, his heart racing fast, eyes wide under his mask. Mysterion instinctively reached out, though he was nowhere close to his nemesis, and let out a blood curdling scream toward the other man who was on a completely different roof than him.
“Chaos!” he screeched at last, “Look out!”
Professor Chaos turned toward General Disarray at the exact second that the trigger was pulled. A blast fired from the machinery that Disarray had been carrying around in his pocket, a purple looking bullet–if that’s what it was–shooting fast toward Chaos, knocking him off his feet as it hit him in the abdomen.
Mysterion watched as his enemy went skidding on his back toward the building’s edge, stopping when he was mere inches from falling off the roof and down to his demise. Chaos didn’t even let out a scream, hand flying to his right side where blood began to stain his shirt. It was clear that he was in shock. He was shaking, raising his head slightly to stare at the boy who had now risen to his feet, walking menacingly toward him.
“You–” Professor Chaos gasped, “You fucking shot me--”
“It’s a prototype,” answered General Disarray with an evil stare. “Pretty cool, huh?”
He squatted down over Chaos, eyes trained over the wound. The blast had left a decent sized singed hole in Professor Chaos’s shirt. He clicked his tongue, humming.
“Seems faulty,” muttered Disarray, “the blast needs to be bigger if it’s going to do any real damage.” He rose to his feet, finger still caught in the loop of the blaster, steady on the trigger. The end of it was smoking ever so slightly.
“Well, whatever,” General Disarray laughed, “I guess I’ll just have to keep shooting until you’re gone. Right, Professor?”
Chaos couldn’t even get out a single word, shaking. He raised his free hand defensively over his face, turning his head to the side, face scrunched up as he waited for more blows. But they didn’t come.
Disarray let out a wild cry as a heavy punch landed on the back of his head. Mysterion was behind him, hands cocked up into fists. He had stealthily leapt from the other building onto the one that his nemesis was. In all of the chaos, the General must have forgotten that he was also present for their little spat, and miscalculated the time that it would take for Mysterion to get to them.
When Disarray raised a hand to where he had been hit, the hand that held the weapon, Mysterion was quick to grasp his wrist. General Disarray let out a gasp, raising his other hand to fight off where Mysterion was gripping him tight, but he was too slow. Mysterion used his free hand to work the blaster out of Disarray’s hand, slamming it onto the ground and stomping on it, breaking it to pieces.
“Ah!” shouted Disarray. “My prototype!”
“What’s wrong with you?!” Mysterion shouted, twisting Disarray’s arm back and pinning it against his back. “You were going to kill him!”
“So what?!” snarled the General, “He would have been out of the way for both of us!”
Mysterion growled, a sudden hatred overcoming him for the person he was holding. Never in his life had he felt such a deep sense of loathing, not even for Cartman. Mysterion might have the power to revive when he died, but Chaos did not. Disarray was going to kill him dead, never to come back again.
“Let me go!” shouted Disarray. Professor Chaos was breathing heavily beneath them, fingers clutched over his wound. If it wasn’t for the small whimpers he was letting out, Mysterion would have fought Disarray to the death. But now wasn’t the time–Chaos needed help.
“Get the fuck out of here,” spat Mysterion, “don’t you ever come back.”
He released General Disarray with a shove, nearly knocking him over the side of the building. Disarray twisted around, rubbing his now sore arm and looking angry.
“Oh, I’ll be back,” he warned, pulling another piece of machinery from his pocket. Mysterion readied himself in case it was another weapon. “You can count on that, Mysterion.” He turned to look at the injured man a few feet away from him. “You too, Professor. Wait, no,” the corners of his lips turned up into a wicked smile, “...Chaos.”
The General raised the machinery in the air, walking backwards until he fell from the building. Mysterion hurried forward to watch him splatter to pieces on the ground, but was left disappointed. Instead, the item that General Disarray was holding in his hand had started whirring, keeping him airborne and allowing him to fly off into the night. Mysterion kept his eyes on him until he was missing from sight. Chaos let out a shudder beside him, and Mysterion finally turned his attention to him.
General Disarray was right; the prototype wasn’t strong enough to do any real damage with one blow. Upon inspection, Mysterion saw that the wound was not that deep, not even deep enough for stitches. Still, it looked painful and allowed for a good amount of blood to pour from the wound.
“Come on,” said Mysterion, “we have to get you away from the edge.”
He was slow about reaching toward the other in case there was any protest. When Chaos did not flinch, Mysterion snaked a hand underneath his back, using his other hand to grip his arm and help him up. Together, they shifted toward the middle of the roof. Chaos sat back down on the ground, taking a deep breath.
“Here,” Mysterion said softly, reaching around himself and grasping for his handkerchief. He gently pressed it over Chaos’s wound, who winced a little. Just yesterday, Mysterion had had him in a headlock, his chest pressed firmly against the other’s back, but right now he had felt closer to Professor Chaos than he ever had before.
The shock of the situation was finally dying down. Chaos hadn’t said a word. His helmet created a shadow over his eyes constantly, so Mysterion had no idea how the other was feeling. He was sure his own expression was showing great worry. Worry… for his nemesis.
The material in his hand was catching some of the blood, but the wound had already begun to start drying up. Together, they sat in silence. Mysterion was not sure what to say, so he busied himself with the wound under his palm, dabbing it slightly when it seemed to stop leaking blood.
“It’s not too bad,” he reassured Chaos, “A band aid will be enough. Sorry, I don’t have one–”
“You saved me.”
Again, the shadow over Professor Chaos’s face from his helmet kept their eyes from meeting. But Mysterion was certain that the other was looking deep into his eyes. He said nothing, just stared at the other’s face and the blackness where his eyes should have been. The other had spoken so softly that it chilled Mysterion to the bone.
“Well… yeah.”
There was more silence, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Bugs chirped somewhere below them. An airplane flew over their heads in the night sky. The wind rustled their capes gently.
His cape.
Without a thought, Mysterion grasped the material behind him, gripping onto a corner. In a flash, he tore the cheap material at the bottom, creating a jagged looking mark at the end of it. When it was loose and he held a torn scrap in his hand, he brought it in front of him and reached underneath Professor Chaos, bringing each side around and tying the ends together over his wound, pulling tight. Again, Chaos winced.
“You–” Chaos swallowed, “You ruined your cape for that? Even you said a band aid would have been enough.”
“It’s alright, I’ve been needing a new one anyway.”
Chaos let out a small chuckle, but there was no malice behind it, no menace. Mysterion had never heard him let out a genuine laugh before.
“Well, now you just look stupid.”
There was the Chaos that he knew, the one that was quick on his feet to make dumb remarks and insults.
“Hey, I’m not the one who got shot, okay–”
Chaos groaned. “I really can’t believe he did that.”
“You knocked his tooth out, dude.”
“He had it coming!” snapped Chaos, “I’ve never heard him shout like that.”
Mysterion settled down beside him. It was clear that there was no more threat that night, not when his nemesis was wounded. “Did you–?”
“No,” answered Chaos firmly, “I didn’t know. I mean, he’s always mentioned using weapons, but I always shot him down. I never imagined he would be building something like that.”
The two of them were quiet once again. Professor Chaos wasn’t looking at him, instead fixated on the night sky above them where he lay. The stars were just as they had been the night before, only this time Mysterion did not have to enjoy them on his own.
“Well,” he finally said, looking down at Chaos, “he may be working on more.”
Chaos didn’t answer at first, instead sitting up again slowly. “Yeah, well, now that I know what he’s up to, I’m gonna kick his ass.”
Mysterion laughed. Chaos looked at him strangely. Mysterion could have sworn he saw the corner of his lip jerk up in a smile, but it was only for a moment.
“Thanks for the help,” Professor Chaos muttered, and then he made to stand.
“You’re leaving?” asked Mysterion, and even he didn’t know why he sounded so disappointed. Chaos looked down at him again.
“Why? Are you gonna miss me?” he teased. Mysterion rolled his eyes.
“You should let yourself heal a little more before you go jumping off of buildings.”
Chaos scoffed. “I’ll be alright.” Mysterion gave him a warning look, so he continued, “Don’t worry, no more Chaos tonight. I’m going home.”
It was jarring to hear Professor Chaos talk even a little bit about having an alter ego. The two had only known each other for years as what they currently were, a superhero and a supervillain. Mysterion felt a strange lurch in his stomach. He had never thought about who Professor Chaos might really be, and that included never having thought that when they parted ways each night, Chaos would take off his costume and slip into a warm bed each night, becoming someone else during the day like he himself did.
What did he expect? That Chaos never took off his helmet, that he didn’t have a normal side to himself like Mysterion did? Chaos was his age, even, and it was entirely possible that they even attended the same school–
A shudder wracked heavily through him. Did they go to the same school?
What if he had passed Chaos in the hallways before? It wasn’t a very big school–it was entirely possible they had seen each other before. Hell, it was possible they even had some of the same classes--
Mystertion felt like vomiting. He didn’t allow himself to toy with the idea that he might have even sat behind Professor Chaos, his arch nemesis, that very same day at school.
“Will I be seeing you tomorrow?” he asked deeply, cutting off his thoughts, and Chaos knew he was really asking you’re going to take it easy, right?
Chaos gave him a smirk. “I think I’ll take a break… for tomorrow, at least.” He cracked his knuckles, staggering a little once again. “Something about being shot really does something to you.” He turned away from Mysterion. “I’m afraid you’ll have to find someone else to entertain you.”
“I’ll be wishing it was you.”
Chaos whipped back around, his cape going with him, stunned.
Mysterion hadn’t even meant it to say the way it came out, meaning for it to sound like their usual playful banter, but it wasn’t until he saw the look on Chaos’s face, his mouth agape, that he realized how flirtatious it sounded.
“I-I mean–!” spluttered Mysterion, “I-I didn’t mean–uh–I just meant–well–”
The man across from him let out another laugh, hand flying to his stomach. He winced a little when it fell over the knot where his wound was. Mysterion’s face went pink, instinctively reaching up to pull his hood a little lower over his face.
“Aw, how sweet--”
“Shut up, shut up--”
“Don’t worry,” Chaos said, finishing up his laughter, “I’ll be back soon to kick your ass… as I usually do!”
Mysterion didn’t say that Chaos had very sparingly ever managed to overtake him. Instead, he allowed himself to enjoy the moment between them with no tense feelings. It felt comfortable between them in that moment, and Mysterion had felt something he had never felt before within himself. It was as though Chaos had acknowledged and agreed with Mysterion’s feelings that having a nemesis was fun, even though neither of them had spoken those words.
But as Mysterion watched Chaos speed off into the night seconds later, watched as he vanished into the dark night, he couldn’t help but replay in his mind what General Disarray had said to Chaos earlier that night.
It’s like you want to get caught by him! It’s like you think this is some kind of fun game!