Work Text:
early morning
I don’t blink or cough
a violent day’s worth of willing, never had
cause my head’s getting bigger,
and my heart’s getting small
in my bed is where I figure, we take it off
it’s nice, having sex, there’s no reason at all
in life, place your bets
take it easy when you fold
how many lives have you bend?
one’s plenty broke and stole
< >
Seungmin wakes slowly. He can tell it’s still really early from the blue-ish light bleeding through his curtains. His face is half pressed into his soft pillow, his features contorted. He kicks his blankets off, thankful for the newly found privacy of having his own room in their new dorms. When he taps his phone back to life, the screen shows 6:30AM.
He twists his naked lower half around, trying to find a position that relieves the pain shooting through his abdomen. He tries his best to relax, knowing the tensing of his muscles only makes it worse, but trying to relax into pain is a paradox.
Seungmin groans softly. His period used to give him the worst gender dysphoria, but recently he has been dealing with it quite well. He has been debating getting an IUD for a while now, in an attempt to stop his period all-together, but the procedure seems so deeply invasive and intense to him he has been putting it off. Besides, his period is not the worst. Regular to the day, reasonably light. Just hurts like a bitch.
Seungmin had known he was different from childhood. Rowdy and tough, people often mistook him for a boy when he was a toddler. When he got a little bit older his parents started to ask him questions about it, asked him if he felt that he was a boy. At the time it had just confused Seungmin, because he didn’t really feel like anything.
Throughout his teen years he played seesaw with the gender spectrum. He would grow out his hair, cut it all off, wear skirts and make-up, then do a 180 and live in hoodies and baggy jeans. At eighteen, he took a big step and had his breasts removed. Ever since, he had felt like his gender journey had come to a conclusion. He didn’t feel the need to undergo any further transition, settled on he/him pronouns for most of the time and considered himself gender fluid.
Being an idol was a blessing and a curse. Under the biggest microscope a person could experience, Seungmin was criticized and hated in a constant stream of naysayers and conservatives. But on the other hand, it allowed him to experience further with make-up, hair styles and clothing. He was allowed to lean into his femininity without dumping his masculinity.
And there was Bang Chan.
Seungmin rolls onto his back and sighs. A hand travels over his chest, over the raised skin of his scars, down to his soft thighs. He knows he shouldn’t touch himself, but he also knows it’ll help. The list of things to relieve his cramps is short: painkillers, food and orgasms. Although it makes him ashamed, that latter one is usually paired with thoughts about their group leader.
Seungmin has had a crush on Chan for as long as he’s known him. He struggles to understand that there are people that don’t. People who aren’t affected by his kind eyes, his gentle nature, the little dimple that appears on his cheek when he smiles wide. Chan is a good leader, but more importantly, he is a good friend.
Seungmin was raised to be confident, and so he rarely struggles with his gender identity anymore, but the daily hate he receives over it would be enough to send any person into a depressive episode. Whenever it brings Seungmin down, Chan is there to cheer him up with gentle encouragement and sweet words.
Over the years of working with the man his innocent crush developed into something deeper, something more fundamental. It scares Seungmin sometimes, how much he feels for Chan. How every little thing the man does for him repeats on a loop in his brain, tortures him with warmth in his stomach and an overwhelming need to constantly be near the older boy. It doesn’t help that Chan rarely turns down his cuddles.
A soft rumbling pulls Seungmin out of his thoughts. His stomach demanding food is immediately followed by another sharp jab of pain, spreading from his belly to his thighs. Seungmin groans and rolls onto his side, taking deep breaths as the pain slowly dulls again.
Right, he is too hungry and hurt to even think about touching himself right now. First food, then painkillers, then he would give himself time for embarrassing thoughts.
Seungmin drags himself out of bed, paddles to his closet and pulls out a pair of period shorts from his neatly organised drawer. Unlike the other boys, Seungmin hates mess, and it’s apparent in his spotless room. The other members tease him about it, but he takes it in stride knowing that at least he doesn’t have to live like Changbin or, god forbid, Jisung.
The apartment is pleasantly quiet this early in the morning. The wooden floor creaks softly under Seungmin’s steps as he walks to the fridge and pulls it open. He blinks a couple of times against the harsh white light and pulls out a carton of eggs. It almost drops right out of his hand as he catches the shape of another person in the corner of his eye.
‘holy shit.’ Seungmin breathes out, a hand flying to his chest as if to sooth his now raging heartbeat, stumbling back and bumping against the kitchen counter.
‘o my gosh, sorry.’ Chan says quickly, extending his hands and showing his open palms as if he is trying to calm down a startled animal. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’
‘it’s okay, I just- I thought no one was home.’ Seungmin says, letting out a relieved laugh, still trembling slightly from the shock. Felix went back to Australia a few days ago, and Minho and Jeongin are both spending their break with their families. Seungmin didn’t mind one bit having the place to himself for a few days before going home himself.
But he doesn’t exactly mind the view in front of him either. Chan looks like he just woke up, his hair a fluffy, curly mess on his head, clad in nothing but a pair of boxers, much like Seungmin. The man is lean and muscular, and Seungmin’s heart can barely keep up with the way Chan’s thighs have filled out recently due to his increased training.
In the old dorms, they were roommates. And it used to be torture, rooming with Chan. Every single morning Seungmin would watch him get out of bed, would watch the muscles of his back as he stretched out his limbs. The younger boy would feel guilty immediately afterwards, but that never stopped him from doing it again the next morning.
‘I was in the studio until really late last night.’ Chan’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts. Seungmin realises he has been staring and he feels his cheeks heat up. ‘your place is closer, and I knew the rest wouldn’t be there so I crashed. I heard you in the kitchen so I just wanted to say hi.’
Chan sends him one of his sweet smiles and Seungmin is relieved that he didn’t seem to catch onto the staring. Then, another fierce jab of pain forces a soft groan out of him, his hand flying to his belly as his knees almost go weak. Chan’s face immediately changes to a worried expression, eyebrows knit together as he steps closer to the younger boy.
‘are you okay?’ he asks, his hand extended as if he wanted to touch Seungmin but decided half-way that he shouldn’t. Seungmin smiles half-heartedly, cheeks warm from how much he wants to lean into Chan and have the older boy take care of him like he so naturally does to all of them, all the time. He just knows his skin would feel so warm, that he’d smell so nice.
‘yeah, I’m fine, just cramps.’ Seungmin says instead, fingers touching the skin of his belly that’s slightly bloated.
The others still find it difficult, sometimes, when Seungmin mentions things that reminds them that he isn’t a boy. They aren’t weird about it, not exactly, but he can tell that it confuses them sometimes. That they don’t really know what to say or do, that they are afraid to do the wrong thing.
But Chan has never been like that. From the very beginning he has been unbothered by it, simply accepting and supporting Seungmin wherever he could. One time the older boy even bought him pads, acting like it was the most natural thing in the world.
In a life where Seungmin has always been the odd one out, Chan treats him with a level of normalcy that is near addictive.
‘oh no, that sucks.’ Chan says now. Seungmin has a hard time not staring at the man’s hands, to not imagine how warm they would feel pressed against his raging belly. ‘do you need me to get you something?’
‘I just need to eat and take some painkillers.’ Seungmin says, forcing himself to look back up at Chan’s face and motioning to the eggs he’s still holding. ‘do you want some fried eggs? Since you’re up anyway.’
‘I could never turn down your eggs.’ Chan says, beaming, and it sends a warm wave of pride down Seungmin’s back.
It’s domestic, almost, eating with Chan. Seungmin knows he shouldn’t be swept away by it, but it’s difficult when Chan is sitting opposite him at the table, fluffy hair and tired smile, complimenting the eggs Seungmin made him. Neither of them bothered to put on more clothes, deeply comfortable with the other and the slow summer heat creeping in through one of the half-opened windows.
The blue hue of the morning has turned into golden hour, warm yellow light falling through the windows of the living room. They give Chan an angelic glow, especially with his newly bleached hair. Seungmin thinks that nobody has any business looking as good as his hyung. It’s simply unfair.
‘are you hurting a lot this time?’ Chan asks around a mouthful of eggs. Seungmin nods as he pushes his egg around his plate with his fork. The pain ruins his appetite, but he knows he has to eat something, otherwise the painkillers will hurt his stomach. It happens a lot during his period: he would be super excited to eat something, and the second he takes a bite he is repulsed by whatever flavour he experiences.
‘what does it feel like?’ Chan asks then.
Seungmin hums, frowning. ‘kind of like a small demon is trying to crawl its way out of my stomach.’ He mumbles, and Chan pulls a pained face, making him giggle despite the pressure on his belly. After another few bites a fresh wave of pain forces a strangled sound out of his throat, his fork dropping onto his place with a loud clang.
Chan looks up, expression jumping from surprised to worried, and he reaches out to touch Seungmin’s hand. The touch sends a wave of heat through Seungmin and he keeps his eyes on the table to avoid showing Chan how effected he is by the small gesture, cheeks burning.
‘what can I do?’ Chan then asks softly. Seungmin is taken aback by his gentleness, feels vulnerable and needy under Chan’s caring gaze and his soft touch. It’s probably the mix of emotions that leads him to utter his next thought out loud, eyes still strained on the woodwork under their hands.
‘come lay down with me?’
Chan follows him into his bedroom. He crawls into Seungmin’s bed first, and the younger boy follows, sighing as he tries to get comfortable under his soft duvet. Seungmin ends up on his back, knees pulled up with his feet flat on the mattrass, Chan next to him on his side.
Blushing and nervous, Seungmin finds Chan’s hand and guides it to his bare stomach. His eyes can’t help but slip shut as he feels the older boy’s fingers spread out over his abdomen, just as warm as he thought they would be, combined with the cool drag of metal from one of those bracelets Chan never takes off. A deep sigh leaves Seungmin and Chan quietly hums next to him.
‘soft.’ He mumbles and Seungmin’s beath trembles. They’re so close Seungmin can smell him, and he does smell good, like soap and boy and something so inherently Chan Seungmin can’t put his finger on it.
Chan’s thumb keeps stroking the skin of his belly, the sensitive part right under his belly button. It’s innocent enough, but Seungmin can feel the tingling starting between his legs, can feel himself beginning to pulsate softly.
Sure, they have cuddled before, but the setting was never quite this… intimate.
He panics when he realises how messed up it is, the way he coaxed Chan into his bed and is now getting turned on right next to him when all the older boy wanted to do was help him. He stress makes him tense, another sharp cramp forcing a whimper past his lips.
‘do you need me to get your painkillers?’ Chan says quietly, his drowsy morning voice the only sound in the room. Seungmin feels like they are alone in the world right now, like life doesn’t extend past his bed, past the space under his sheets they’re occupying. It’s a dangerous thought, it makes him feel reckless.
‘no, it’s okay.’ Seungmin chokes out. And then, because he can’t stop himself, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘for what?’ Chan asks, eyebrows raised in confusion. Seungmin is staring hard at the ceiling, and Chan leans in, nosing at his temple. He is so close now, Seungmin can feel the boy’s breath against his cheek.
‘for forcing you to help me.’ The laugh Seungmin barks out sounds forced even to his own ears. Chan doesn’t move an inch.
‘I don’t feel forced.’ He simply states. ‘I like helping you.’
‘o-okay.’ Seungmin mutters.
They’re quiet for a while, Chan’s fingers still stroking his stomach as Seungmin breathes through another few cramps.
‘where does it hurt?’ Chan whispers then. Seungmin places his trembling hand on top of Chan’s and guides it slightly lower, to lie on top of his pelvis. He is way too close to where Seungmin needs him, but the younger boy doesn’t even think about voicing that out loud.
‘here.’ He replies breathlessly.
‘just there?’
Seungmin tries to swallow past the lump in this throat. He doesn’t understand what Chan is getting at, but he is way too shy to turn his head to look at the older boy and gauge his reaction.
‘also my thighs.’ He says then, his hoarse voice probably giving away all the desperation he’s feeling.
Chan just hums, moves his large hand down to the soft inside of Seungmin’s thigh. He strokes him slowly, applying pressure in a massage-like way, and Seungmin is a weak, weak man. Calloused fingers rub his skin in all the right places and a moan slips past his lips, quiet but way too noticeable in the silent room. Goosebumps break out over his skin. Chan’s hand stills for a split second, before moving lower and lower steadily.
‘tell me to stop.’ He whispers in Seungmin’s ear, still plastered to his side. Seungmin is shaking, feeling way too hot under the sheets, but way too shy to throw them off. He knows Chan can probably feel his thighs spasming under his touch.
Chan’s hand travels to the heat between his legs and gently lays on top of Seungmin’s pussy over his underwear. He lets out a soft whimper and Chan hums again. His large hand covers him entirely, the heat of it slowly spreading to his sensitive core, and Seungmin is sure the older boy can feel him twitch through his underwear.
He must have died and gone to heaven. He must have done something so good in his life he deserves this somehow. He can’t think of what it could possibly be. He can’t think of anything besides Chan’s big hand.
‘you’re so warm here.’ He comments, and Seungmin throws an arm over his face, hiding his burning cheeks from the boy next to him. He didn’t miss the teasing undertone in Chan’s comment and his brain is swimming with confusion and arousal. Chan’s fingers start moving slowly, massaging Seungmin’s sensitive folds over his underwear.
‘oh my g-god.’ Seungmin stutters. ‘why are you… what’s happening?’
‘I read online that… uhm, orgasms help against cramps.’ Chan says then, sounding unsure for the first time since they crawled into Seungmin’s bed. ‘I mean, maybe not for everyone–’ And the younger man has so many questions, about why Chan is offering him this and why he was reading about periods in the first place, but all he can muster is a weak nod.
‘they do.’ He confirms. ‘for me.’
‘I can help.’ Chan mumbles. His hand stills then. ‘if you want me to.’
‘do you want to?’ Seungmin breathes out. And finally he musters up the courage to turn his head, to lock eyes with Chan. The older boy is flustered, blush spreading from his cheeks to his ears, but his eyes are determined.
‘yeah.’ He says. ‘have for a while. I’m sorry if I am moving too fast. I just- you asked me to lay down with you and I got kind of carried away. I just really-’
Oh, fuck it.
Seungmin leans in and presses his lips against Chan’s, effectively cutting off the older boy’s nervous rambling. His hyung freezes for a second, tightens his hand over Seungmin’s heat and groans, spurring into action. He pushes himself up with his free hand to hover over Seungmin, kissing him back in earnest. The kiss is slow and deep, tongues meeting and exploring, and Seungmin whines into Chan’s mouth when the older boy keeps massaging him over his panties.
‘wanna feel inside.’ Chan breaks away from him but stays close enough their lips touch when he speaks. ‘is that okay Min? Can I keep going?’
Seungmin makes a choked sound at the confession. Sure, he had imagined what Chan would be like, what he would talk and sound like in this scenario, but nothing prepared him for the real thing. Nothing could have prepared him for how honest Chan would be. He only owes it to him to be honest, too.
‘yes. want you to.’ The younger boy replies. Seungmin is bad at displaying genuine emotions, finds it uncomfortable most of the time, even though he does feel deeply. He hopes to just portray everything he feels in his facial expressions, silently asking for his hyung to pick up on it.
Chan pulls back a bit, scans his face and gives a small nod, and Seungmin breathes out in relief. But then his hand leaves from between his legs and Seungmin feels as though a bucket of ice has been dumped over him when Chan manoeuvres out of the bed.
‘I’m just going to get a towel.’ He softly explains when Seungmin’s hand follows him and grabs his arm, a protesting noise leaving him. Chan peels his hand off his forearm and locks their fingers together. ‘don’t want to ruin your bed.’
Oh, right.
‘you don’t mind about… you know.’ Seungmin mumbles, embarrassed now. He can see the outline of Chan’s cock through his boxers, noticeably bigger than when they entered his room, and it makes him blush furiously. Chan just smiles easily.
‘not at all.’ he says softly. Seungmin just nods and watches him leave his room. Not a minute later he returns with a dark blue towel that looks fluffy and soft. He climbs back onto the bed, throws the covers to the side and Seungmin lifts his hips so Chan can lay the towel out underneath him.
The silence feels a little heavier now that they are clearly set out on some kind of path. Seungmin’s body wants everything, is completely fine with where this is heading. But his mind is racing, he feels so incredibly exposed now without the duvet.
But Chan lays down next to him again, solid and steady, and kisses him deeply. He trembles with nerves as Chan’s strong hands explore more of his skin, rub over his stomach, the inside of his thighs.
They make out until Seungmin stops shaking. Chan kisses him right into a fuzzy headspace, touches him and lets him touch, and after a while Seungmin starts feeling safe and warm again. The younger boy’s hands explore soft skin, the muscles he has seen plenty of times but has never touched like this, caressing carefully. Chan’s body is nothing short of admirable, lean from his years of swimming and sculptured from everything he’s done afterwards. The hunger Seungmin has felt for his hyung reignites in tenfold as they make out.
Chan pulls back from their kissing to look down over Seungmin’s chest. The healed scars, his puffy nipples.
‘can I touch them?’ Chan asks, voice almost breathless.
‘yes.’ Seungmin answers immediately, and it comes out as a plea, much more vulnerable than he intended. Chan nods, seemingly almost to convince himself he really is allowed, before leaning down and connecting his lips to one of Seungmin’s nipples. It makes the younger boy’s back arch, a desperate noise leaving him as Chan sucks and bites gently.
Chan kisses his whole chest, leaves love bites over his smooth belly. Seungmin tangles his fingers into the older boy’s curly blonde hair and whines softly when another cramp unexpectedly makes him shiver. Chan spends extra time kissing his abdomen.
‘you’re not being very nice to my favourite person.’ Chan mumbles against the skin of his belly and Seungmin giggles and rolls his eyes with affection.
A dopey smile stays plastered onto his face until Chan pulls back and seats himself in front of Seungmin’s closed legs.
Their eyes lock. Seungmin’s lips part in anticipation. Chan stares him down as he hooks his thumbs under Seungmin’s panties, then slowly slides them down his thighs, over his knees, throws them carelessly on the ground next to the bed. Seungmin’s heart rams against his ribcage so hard he’s sure Chan can hear it from where he is sitting. His mind is getting away from him again, worrying about awkwardness and blood and…
‘just don’t think about it.’ His hyung mumbles, because he can annoyingly read Seungmin’s thoughts. ‘just… let it all go. It will be fine. I want to make you feel good.’
Seungmin exhales shakily. ‘okay.’ He whispers. He tries to swallow the lump in this throat. Wills his thoughts to calm down.
Chan’s hands land on his knees softly, warm against his skin. He slowly pushes them apart, and Seungmin lets him, his thighs falling open for his hyung. Chan guides them around his hips, moving in closer, in-between them.
‘fuck.’ Seungmin softly wears into the quietness.
‘you’re gorgeous.’ Chan mutters in English. ‘such a pretty little pussy.’
‘Chan.’ Seungmin whines. His head falls back onto the pillows, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to calm his breathing, so he doesn’t see it coming when Chan gently pushes his thumb against Seungmin’s clit. His whole body jerks, legs bumping into warm skin when they try to close on instinct. The fact that they physically can’t because of Chan in-between them sends another shutter through his entire body.
‘wish I could lick you.’ Chan says softly. Another desperate moan leaves Seungmin and he blushes furiously at the lack of control he seems to have over his voice right now. Chan rubs slow circles over his clit. ‘next time, I’m going to lay you out on my bed and just play with your pussy for hours.’
Seungmin releases a shaky breath, purposefully ignoring the mention of a next time. He can feel himself becoming wetter, the glide of Chan’s thumb against his clit becoming more slippery.
Chan’s big hands push his thighs back then, closer to his chest, and all of a sudden they just slot together, Chan easily fitting himself in-between Seungmin’s legs. It feels right, like Chan belongs there, and Seungmin tries to not get swept up in it all but it’s almost impossible when he looks up to find Chan’s easy smile, eyes full of so much fond it makes Seungmin blush.
The younger boy bucks his hips experimentally, his clit dragging against the fabric of Chan’s boxers. Pleasure shoots through him, warmth blooming in his belly. He moans, wrapping his arms around his hyung’s shoulders and repeating the motion.
‘you’re so h-hard.’ Seungmin says, mentally cursing at himself for how desperate he sounds. Something about the situation completely erased his filter, took away the cringe-worthiness of the words and has them falling form his lips like he won’t ever have to face Chan after this. He tries to get a grip, but it slips from his fingers again when Chan’s deep chuckle rumbles through his own chest from how close they are pressed together.
‘s your own fault.’ He teases, but a surprised moan falls from his lips when Seungmin keeps repeating the motion of his hips. The older boy finds his lips again and they fall into a slow rhythm, grinding against each other in waves with Seungmin’s arms wrapped around Chan’s shoulders.
Seungmin whines when the drag starts getting dry, and Chan gets the message. He pushes his hips up slightly, hovers over the younger boy as he brings two of his own long fingers to his mouth and sucks them in. When they’re thoroughly wet he pulls them out and lowers his hand to where Seungmin is desperate for him.
‘I’m going to die.’ Seungmin whispers, face burning from what he just witnessed.
‘you and me both.’ Chan replies softly, rubbing the pad of his finger over Seungmin’s folds before slowly pushing inside. The younger boy sucks in a breath, legs twitching with nerves. A broken moan leaves him, arms tightening around Chan’s shoulders.
‘feel good?’ his hyung asks, kissing his cheek gently.
‘yeah.’ Seungmin sighs.
Chan moves his finger slowly, out and back in, caressing Seungmin’s walls. The younger boy is tense, extra sensitive and a little anxious, but he feels himself relaxing more as Chan teases the pleasure out of him, pushing the pad of his finger into Seungmin’s sensitive spots he finds effortlessly. He feels the warmth of the feeling spreading through his belly, through his thighs.
‘I knew it’d be like this.’ Seungmin whispers between them. Chan looks up from where he was pressing kisses into Seungmin’s collarbones, eyebrows raised, a playful smile on his face as though he is doing something innocent, not rubbing Seungmin’s most intimate places.
‘like what?’ he asks.
‘I knew you’d be perfect at this.’ Seungmin sighs. Chan chuckles, carefully introduces a second finger, and Seungmin whines low in his throat. Chan must be as impatient as him.
‘you imagined this?’ Chan says cheekily. He stretches the younger boy a bit, carving out a place for himself. Seungmin can feel the anticipation burning in his veins, thinking about Chan’s hips pushing against the inside of his thighs. A moan replaces whatever response he was going to give.
‘me too.’ Chan confesses then. ‘dreamed about it once. I felt so insane afterwards, couldn’t even look you in the eyes.’
‘chan.’ Seungmin chokes out. ‘I’m ready.’
‘one more.’ Chan replies, and Seungmin can feel the pressure of another finger slipping in. ‘don’t want it to hurt, baby.’
‘it f-feels good.’ Seungmin groans, his hips slowly starting to mimic Chan’s rhythm, pushing himself back against the fingers. There’s a wet noise, and it does things to Seungmin’s brain, his thighs tensing around Chan’s hips.
‘you should touch yourself.’ Chan whispers. Seungmin finds his eyes and the older boy looks lost in him, lips slightly parted. Slowly, Seungmin trails a hand down his belly. His fingers bump into Chan’s wrist, his hyung pulling his arm back slightly to give him room. Seungmin finds his own swollen clit with his middle finger, starts rubbing softly. A whine leaves his lips, hips jerking up at the immediate pleasure shooting through his belly.
‘that’s it.’ Chan whispers, his voice deep and ruined. His voice like that scratches a part of Seungmin’s brain deliciously. The younger boy can feel himself clenching around the fingers inside him, his back arching slightly as he can feel the first sparks, tastes the very edge of his orgasm.
‘H-hyung.’ He chokes out. ‘I’m ready, please. I want you.’
When Chan looks up he seems to be coming out of a trance. ‘yeah, okay.’ He whispers, pulls his fingers out, wipes them quickly on the towel under Seungmin’s hips. He sits back on his ankles, ungracefully pushing his boxers down and off.
‘o my god.’ Seungmin all but whines. He can’t even be fucking bothered to keep up his usual aloof front. Chan has the audacity to look bashful, holding himself in his hand, stroking himself slowly.
‘can’t say I’ve gotten that reaction before.’ He mumbles.
‘liar.’ Seungmin responds, pushing himself up and reaching out for him. Chan is heavy in his hand, long and girthy, with a vein running over the top. Seungmin can’t say he’s seen many people naked, but he surely never held a cock his fingers barely fit around. He strokes Chan slowly and the older boy lets out a quiet moan. He looks down, watching himself glide through Seungmin’s fist.
‘will it be okay?’ he says quietly. Seungmin nods. It better be fucking okay.
‘just go slow.’ He says, letting go of Chan and landing on his back again. Chan leans over him, strong forearms settling next to Seungmin’s shoulders. The younger boy can feel himself tense up, his thighs trembling, arms wrapping around Chan.
His whine when he feels them make contact for the first time is the loudest he’s been the whole time. Chan lowers his hips more, pushing himself to rub through Seungmin’s folds, and the younger boy shutters with it.
‘please.’ He chokes out, and Chan groans, and maybe Seungmin should say please more often, because Chan’s cock catches on his entrance and his hyung starts pushing in slowly. He watches Seungmin like a hawk, pausing when the younger boy scrunches up his nose in discomfort.
‘does it hurt?’ Chan asks quietly, voice and face still composed despite his heavy breathing. He pulls back a bit, rocking the part Seungmin already took in and out gently.
‘it’s okay.’ Seungmin breathes out. He says it’s okay again. His nails dig into Chan’s shoulder blades, body caged in under the older boy’s. How could he explain the way it hurts just right? How could he explain that he lives and dies for the pressure he feels when Chan pushes inside of him, beautifully balancing him on the edge of pleasure and pain? ‘I love it.’ He just utters, voice completely ruined already. ‘it feels so good, Chan.’
Chan breathes out heavily, pushes in deeper, stretches the boy under him further. Seungmin whines, whips his head to the side and bites at Chan’s bicep, suddenly desperate to feel the older boy’s skin against his lips, against his tongue. When he realises what he is doing he quicky pulls back, shyly tries to sooth it over with kisses and Chan just chuckles softly, tells him it’s okay, that he can bite him if he wants to.
‘s’there more?’ Seungmin slurs. Chan hums and pushes the last few inches in before stilling his hips against the younger boy. He lowers himself further so he can tuck his face into the crook of Seungmin’s neck, leaving kisses and soft bites.
‘all in now.’ He mumbles, his own speech slightly slurred, and it does something to Seungmin knowing it was him to put Chan in that state. ‘you’re taking me so well. Sucking me right in.’
Seungmin whines and arches his back, legs tightening around Chan’s waist. He feels so full. Chan pushes himself up, taking his mouth away from Seungmin’s neck in order to start a slow grind. His hips meet Seungmin’s thighs gently and the younger boy is overwhelmed by a sentimental feeling, realising that they are actually doing this. They’re having sex, together, slow and tender in the early morning. He didn’t realise he’d feel so close to Chan.
After a while of gentle grinding together, Chan speeds up his hips, the obscene sound of their skin slapping together echoing in the quiet room. Seungmin lets out a string of soft whines, curses and Chan’s name. They make eye-contact and Chan holds it, his dark eyes demanding Seungmin’s attention, making his heart flutter.
Chan holds himself up with one strong arm and uses his free hand to stroke his thumb over Seungmin’s forehead, his nose, his lips, as if he’s mapping out the younger’s face. Seungmin feels so watched, the gentle touches so sweet, in stark contrast with the burning pleasure pooling in his belly, and it all suddenly becomes too much.
Is this what it’s like to be with someone you actually have feelings for? Are they making love?
Seungmin’s feelings for Chan, buried deep before but now suddenly forcefully dragged up to the surface of his face. He might actually say something stupid. He might tell Chan he loves him. Before Seungmin can spill all of his guts into the space between them, he gasps Chan’s name sharply.
‘yeah?’ Chan breathes out, slowing the movement of his hips.
‘can we try…’ even in the position they are in, even with Chan buried to the hilt in Seungmin’s sensitive body, he can barely get the words out from shyness.
‘can we try from behind?’ he forces out eventually, daring to look Chan in his eyes and thanking whatever celestial power that he got to witness the older boy’s eyes sparkling with lust.
‘yeah.’ Chan says, voice hoarse. ‘definitely. Turn around for me, pretty.’
Seungmin whines desperately, and he blames it fully on the feeling of Chan pulling out gently rather than the carelessly thrown-in pet name. Chan leans back onto his thighs and Seungmin rolls over slowly, gets his knees underneath himself. He doesn’t have the time to move further before Chan has plastered himself against the younger, the sweaty skin of his chest meeting Seungmin’s back. He can feel how hard Chan is against his lower back as he shifts on the towel.
Chan leaves soft kisses on his shoulder and the move is so intimate it turns Seungmin’s insides to mush.
Chan’s large hands trace over his skin, applying pressure where he wants Seungmin’s body to give way. The younger boy follows wordlessly, letting Chan mould him into the right position, finding some unexpected calm in trusting the older boy to take his body where it needs to go.
He ends up bend over, leaning on his elbows, his back arched and his knees parted. He shivers at how exposed he feels, especially when Chan pulls back a little and lets his hands slide over Seungmin’s ass, thumbs playing with the lips of his pussy.
‘so pretty.’ He hears Chan mumble in English, his accent heavy. He applies more pressure and pushes Seungmin’s lips further apart, making the younger boy’s thighs tremble with how scandalously exposed he feels, cool air hitting his sensitive heat.
Chan’s thumb rubs over his entrance softly, applying pressure but never quite pushing inside. ‘wish I could take a picture.’
Seungmin whines high in his throat at the thought of Chan taking pictures of him like this, and it is spurring him on more than he is willing to admit right at that moment. He feels himself pulsate, desperately clenching around nothing, a soft ‘fucking hell’ from Chan.
‘please.’ falls from Seungmin’s lips again. He’d never admit it out loud, but he is starting to love the way it sounds rolling off his tongue all desperate, and the way it seems to have an effect on Chan. Seungmin tries to look over his shoulder, squirming. ‘want to feel you again.’
‘yeah, okay.’ Chan says quickly. He adjusts, and seconds later Seungmin feels the tip of the older boy’s cock drag up and down over his pussy. He whimpers, tries to push back onto it, but Chan has a death-grip on his waist. Seungmin groans deeply at being restrained, realises not without blushing he might actually really enjoy being at his hyung’s mercy.
‘sssh. ‘m going to give you what you want pretty, don’t worry.’ Chan mumbles. A loud moan leaves Seungmin’s lips when he finally feels Chan sink in again, the new angle making him gasp. Chan goes slow, but slides in all at once nevertheless. When he bottoms out Seungmin sucks in a sharp breath and Chan stills, warm hands tracing from the younger boy’s lower back up to his shoulders and over his spine.
‘you okay?’ he asks.
‘yeah. Just… this position is a lot.’ Seungmin replies quietly. He feels Chan so differently now, pressing into sensitive places he didn’t know existed. His thighs are starting to burn a little from holding himself up, but he finds that he doesn’t mind it.
‘I won’t move.’ Chan offers. ‘just go at your own pace, yeah?’
Seungmin lets out a tiny giggle. ‘jogeubhal pil-yo eobs-eo my pace.’ He quotes their own lyrics. Chan snorts and Seungmin looks over his shoulder, grinning. His little joke seems to take off a lot of pressure, and Seungmin lowers himself onto his forearms, spreading his legs a little bit more, sighing deeply.
‘you look amazing like this.’ Chan mumbles, bringing him back into the moment, hands still stroking the deep arch of his back softly. ‘I’ve never been this fucking hard in my life, Min.’
And Seungmin does feels sexy like this. As an idol he feels the pressure to keep it mostly PG-13, keeping the fact that he is a human with sexual desires hidden from the public. But he is a human with sexual desires, and being bend over for Chan like this makes him feel so fucking hot and vulgar and wanted.
It’s those overwhelming feelings that have Seungmin push his hips back, Chan’s pelvis flush against his ass. He starts a slow grind, moving back and forth a few inches on Chan’s cock. It forces a groan out of the older boy.
‘that’s it, baby, nice and slow.’ Chan mumbles. His voice is deep and warm and drips onto Seungmin’s back like honey.
‘I feel you in my stomach.’ Seungmin moans, voice broken.
‘jesus.’ Comes Chan’s choked reply. ‘good?’
‘so good.’ Seungmin breathes out. Chan’s big hands find his waist, and Seungmin whines when he pulls out almost all the way and pushes back in slowly, the friction of his cock against Seungmin’s walls the most delicious thing the younger boy has felt in months.
‘you’re so tight like this.’ Chan groans.
Seungmin just whimpers, fisting the sheets. ‘h-harder?’ he whines. Chan doesn’t respond verbally but his hips pick up the pace, their skin slapping together. A random dull cramp takes Seungmin by surprise and he whines, feels himself dripping around Chan, not just their arousal. He pushes his burning face into the sheets below him, whining like a hurt animal from the embarrassment when he thinks about what Chan must see.
‘it’s okay.’ Chan chokes out, immediately picking up on Seungmin’s distress. Chan’s breathing is heavy and his hands tighten on Seungmin’s hips. ‘I don’t mind, baby, please don’t worry. You’re perfect.’
Chan picks up the pace again and pleasure shoots through Seungmin’s belly, making his legs shake. Chan’s hand slips from his hip down to where they are connected. He presses a finger hard into Seungmin’s clit and the younger boy cries out, bites his lower lip until it hurts.
Seunming drops down, his weight now on his shoulders with the side of his face pressed against his mattrass, panting against the soft sheets. He can feel the first sparks in his belly, the first jerks of his hips as the edge of his orgasm creeps up on him. He tries to warn his hyung, but all that comes out are loud moans.
‘I got you.’ Chan pants. ‘let me feel you come around my cock, yeah baby? My good boy. Hyung’s best boy.’
‘Chan!’ Seungmin is breathing heavily, fisting the sheets below him in a death-grip, choking out a sob when the overwhelming feeling building in his belly reaches its hight. He cries out, feeling Chan still completely in him, burying himself as deep as he can go. Seungmin clenches and relaxes around his hyung rapidly, his orgasm so intense it makes his toes tingle with it. When his body calms down slightly Chan starts thrusting again, prolonging Seungmin’s pleasure, tears welling up in the younger boy’s eyes as his hips keep jerking in the aftershock.
‘Seungmin.’ Chan cokes out, his voice torn, dripping with pure want. Seungmin whimpers, tries to arch his back more, his brain turned to mush from the oversensitivity. His legs are shaking, and Chan’s big arm snakes around his waist to keep him up.
‘Where can I come?’ Chan chokes out, and Seungmin gasps, doesn’t even think about it for a second before he tells Chan.
‘inside me.’
The moment he does, all he can think about is making Chan come inside. Seungmin’s pussy is sensitive, pulsating and swollen from his orgasm, but he welcomes the overstimulation so that he can get what he craves now.
Chan moans loudly, muttering a string of praise, calling Seungmin perfect while the younger boy’s hips jerk like they can’t decide if they want to get away or get Chan closer. But then Chan suddenly pulls out and Seungmin wails desperately for him.
‘No, Chan, please, I-’
‘ssh, baby, it’s okay. You’re shaking like a leaf.’ Chan’s strong arms turn Seungmin around onto his back and in a flash Chan is back inside, sitting up on his knees while he holds the younger boy’s thighs spread open for him. Seungmin gasps for air, reaches out to hold Chan’s strong forearms and dig his nails into the skin as Chan rams into him, sweat glistening on his chest and forehead. Seungmin can feel him so deep, the very tip of Chan just about kissing his cervix and it makes him tremble with how good it feels.
‘that’s better, isn’t it? Doing such a good job for your hyung.’ Chan chokes out. Seungmin whimpers at the praise, basking in the older boy’s admiration. Seconds later, just when Seungmin starts feeling like the overstimulation might become too much, Chan groans loudly and stills. Seungmin can feel him twitching inside, his fingers tightening on the sensitive skin of Seungmin’s thighs.
‘oh fuck, fuck, baby.’ Chan mumbles, eyes plastered to the place they’re connected. Seungmin watches a drop of sweat roll down Chan’s temple, dripping off his jaw and landing on Seungmin’s thighs. There’s faded blood smears on them, but Chan doesn’t seem to care one bit. He hooks his hands under Seungmin’s knees, pushing his legs closer to his chest until he’s practically folded in half. Chan’s hips slow into a gentle grind, riding out his orgasm as his breath trembles.
And it makes Seungmin feel powerful in a way, Chan’s release. He’s experienced nothing like it before. It makes him proud, knowing his body coaxed this amount of pleasure out of his partner. They stay like that for a few moments, Chan catching his breath, Seungmin slowly peeling his hands off of his hyung.
Chan lowers himself down onto Seungmin then, and the younger embraces him immediately, their warm damp skin sticking together. They kiss lazily, and Seungmin can feel himself ease into a fuzzy soft feeling as he holds Chan close, cradles him in the vee of his body until their breathing returns to normal, steady inhales and exhales.
Then Chan pushes himself up and carefully pulls out of Seungmin, taking with him the warm soft fuzziness.
Shame and anxiety immediately wash over Seungmin when he feels the combination of both their arousal and his blood dribble out of him onto the towel below. He whines, suddenly noticing the soreness of his entire body as his legs are still folded up to his chest.
‘baby.’ Chan repeats like a broken record, still half orgasm-drunk, quickly reaching out to help Seungmin lower his legs down onto the bed. His hand start roaming Seungmin’s body, from his calves to his thighs, up to his hips and pelvis. He applies pressure in a massage-like way and Seungmin closes his eyes.
‘my baby.’ Chan mumbles. Seungmin’s stupid heart can’t stop fluttering in his chest. ‘are you okay?’
‘sore.’ Seungmin says quietly. ‘and gross.’
‘you’re not gross.’ Chan’s warm hand strokes his belly now, easing some of the nerves that start to creep up on him. When he turns his head to the side and opens his eyes again he is met with Chan’s dark ones, the slight worry in them as the boy lays on his side next to Seungmin. ‘are you sure it didn’t hurt?’
‘no, it’s okay.’ Seungmin mumbles. He looks back up at the ceiling, folding his own hand over the one that’s resting on his belly. Chan intertwines their fingers. ‘are you sure it wasn’t gross?’
Seungmin can hear the frown in Chan’s voice when he speaks. ‘I don’t think anything about this was gross. I thought it was wonderful, actually.’
And it makes Seungmin blush, Chan’s continuous honesty. ‘okay.’ He just ends up whispering.
‘can you please kiss me?’ Chan says then, almost a whisper, and Seunming’s chest aches with how unsure it sounds. He rolls over to his side, careful to keep his hips on the towel, and leans his forehead against Chan’s. His hyung is still a little sweaty, but Seungmin doesn’t mind. He probably is too.
They kiss slowly, soft sounds between them, tongues meeting in a much more gentle way than before. Chan wraps an arm around Seungmin’s waist and sighs against his lips, a somewhat content little noise. He starts combing his fingers through Seungmin’s hair and for a while they just stay like that, basking in the skinship and the sex afterglow.
‘do you feel better? How are the cramps?’ Chan asks when they part. Seungmin chuckles.
‘literally the furthest thing from my mind right now.’ He answers.
‘so what is on your mind?’ Chan counters.
‘a shower, for starters.’ Seungmin pulls his head back a little so that he can look at Chan better. ‘and you. This. Everything.’
Chan hums and nods, like he was expecting Seungmin’s reply. The older boy looks unsure still, but his face is expecting and open.
‘what about this?’ Chan asks. Seungmin smiles at him carefully.
‘are you nervous?’ he counters.
‘yeah.’ Chan admits. He chuckles, looks away, then back at Seungmin. The hand on his waist starts drawing patterns. ‘I’m scared you’re regretting it. It looked like you were going to have a breakdown just now.’
‘I’m not.’ Seungmin answers, and he surprises himself with how much he means it. ‘regretting it, I mean. Not at all, Chan. It was good, I enjoyed it. I-’. Seungmin sucks in a breath, feels himself blush as Chan studies him. Stupid perfect gorgeous stupid hyung. ‘I’m happy we finally did this. I’m happy it was with you.’
Now it’s Chan’s turn to blush. He smiles a dopy smile and Seungmin can’t take it, buries his face in Chan’s chest.
‘nobody ever spoke to me like you do.’ Seungmin mumbles against Chan’s warm skin. ‘nobody treats me so kindly. Like I’m totally normal.’
‘you are normal.’ Chan whispers. ‘normal and perfect. And I’m made for you.’
Heat spreads through Seungmin’s entire body. ‘you mean it?’ he whispers into Chan’s skin.
‘of course I mean it.’
Seungmin groans softly. ‘this is going to be so complicated.’
His hyung chuckles, a hand finding its way back to Seungmin’s hair and stroking calmingly. ‘yeah.’ He just offers. ‘probably.’
When Seungmin looks up at him, they both burst out into a fit of giggles.
---
I have never written smut featuring a vagina before which is wild because I am in the possession of one! the quote is from “sex” by Sticky Fingers, my fav band, give it a listen because it will sooth your soul. I hope you enjoyed this. tips are welcome of course.
Love, blue