Chapter Text
"I think you're doing it wrong. I'll look ridiculous!"
"Only when you keep moving so much."
Mu Qing wanted to turn around and tell Feng Xin off, yet he didn't get far, as only a second later, a pair of hands appeared on both sides of his head, halting his movement.
"Hold still!"
He did as Feng Xin said, but couldn't refrain from rolling his eyes.
"I can hear when you do that," Feng Xin stated, returning back to his task.
"Do what?"
"Don't act like you don't know," he simply replied.
Mu Qing rolled his eyes again, receiving a light tug at his hair in response. How did he know?
"One more pull on my hair and I won't ever let you touch it again!" he threatened.
"But I love your hair..." Mu Qing could hear the pout in Feng Xin's voice.
"Then be more careful with it!" he retorted completely unaffected by it.
Mu Qing felt the body behind him lean in closer. A shiver went through him and left goosebumps in its wake as warm lips grazed the shell of his ear.
"Don't worry, you're in good hands," Feng Xin's soft voice sounded and a gentle hand slid over his shoulder, down his arm. Mu Qing followed it with his gaze and held his breath as it cupped his own hand, lying in his lap. He felt a light squeeze before Feng Xin drew away to continue working his skilled fingers through Mu Qing's silver strands and braid them loosely together.
He released his withheld breath and looked straight ahead, making an effort not to squirm around again. Instead he focused on his surroundings, the wind wafting through green leaves and the ripples of the water in the pond only a few feet away from where they sat in the soft grass.
Since his first visit of this place with Feng Xin a few weeks ago, they had met here nearly every day. Mu Qing loved this clearing. Especially because it was something Feng Xin and he could share with each other. Their secret private spot where no one would disturb them. He could allow himself to relax whenever he was here.
After Mu Qing's near death experience and their mutual love confessions later on, they had agreed on taking things slowly. No pressure to make everything work at once. They wanted to just be in each other's presence and see how it went from there.
So far it had been the happiest weeks of Mu Qing's long life. He was filled with giddy, warm feelings the whole time. Whenever Feng Xin was near, it was as if he was surrounded by his own, personal sun which would shine it rays on him and make him so much more comfortable and relaxed than he had been in a long time. It was a great contrast to their previous rivalry and constant tension, paired with their regular violent fights. Mu Qing was a bit scared that someday all would return to the way it had once been. He wanted to keep this. He craved it with every fiber of his being.
"There, nearly finished!" Feng Xin pulled him out of his thoughts. "Only a last few finishing touches..."
From the corner of his eye, Mu Qing watched him grab one of the blue flowers that lay on a small pile beside him. Then he felt a gentle touch on his head as it was placed neatly in his hair, decorating the braids and setting another highlight besides his beloved hairpin, which he wore constantly. A few other flowers followed the first one and soon they were all adorning Mu Qing's head. The loose braids were mainly placed on the top, which let the rest of his wavy hair fall down freely over his back.
"You didn't overdo it, did you?" he asked Feng Xin skeptically.
"Of course not! You look beautiful, really..."
Mu Qing's heart beat faster upon hearing the warm voice complimenting him.
"You can move now," the martial god added, prompting him to immediately turn around to take in Feng Xin's face.
"Hi there." Mu Qing was greeted by a soft smile and adoring eyes looking straight into his own. "You should see yourself... You're even more astonishing than usual and that's not easy to top, believe me." Feng Xin leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. The dark-brown strands fell forward and tickled his red-tinted cheeks.
"I can't believe how sappy you are! Why am I even wasting my time with you?" he tried to hide his embarrassment.
"Because you love me!" Another quick kiss on his nose. "And I love you." This time Feng Xin hovered over Mu Qing's lips, making him flutter his eyes shut and leaning forward unconsciously, as if following a magnetic pull.
Their lips pressed together like so many times since the first one. But every single one still felt like a brand new experience. Mu Qing trembled slightly in answer to the rush of feelings coursing through him.
He felt a hand cupping his chin, guiding the kiss into deeper territory. Mu Qing's own hands found their way around Feng Xin's neck, pulling them even closer together. Their lips moved against each other in a tormentingly slow pace that however seemed to grow faster with every rushed intake of air between them, soon turning wild and passionate. Mu Qing felt scalding hot traces where Feng Xin grabbed him by the waist. His other hand moved to the side of his head, burying fingers underneath his hair and grazing his skull with his nails, leaving a tingly feeling behind.
Mu Qing wanted to drown in Feng Xin. He wanted to sink deeper into this pit of unknown feelings. A moan escaped him as a tongue probed at his slick lips, easing its way inside his mouth and meeting his own. He felt breathless, he felt so warm, nearly hot. There was a strange pull in his stomach. His grip on Feng Xin's neck tightened. He needed... he needed...
Feng Xin's hands took a hold of his lower back and hurled him onto his lap. The pull in Mu Qing's stomach didn't go away, it just got stronger, making him whimper into Feng Xin's mouth where the sound was swallowed down. He sensed a firm hand being placed on his upper thigh and he quivered with an unspoken desire as simultaneously Feng Xin's mouth let go of his, only to trail hot kisses down his chin and his neck. Mu Qing gasped helplessly at the sensation of soft lips pressing onto sensitive skin. He stretched his neck and tilted his head to make more room for Feng Xin. He needed...
... he needed...
"Feng Xin..." Another moan escaped him as Feng Xin sucked at a point low on his neck. A sudden jolt shot to his middle, making his muscles clench.
He needed...
Mu Qing pressed himself closer, right were he felt this torturous sensation, trying to ease the pressure, if only a tiny fraction.
The second he moved, it was as if an electric shock went through his whole body and every single nerve, making him flinch away from Feng Xin. He threw himself off his lap and scrambled backwards, until he was at a few feet distance, panting and wide-eyed.
It didn't take long for Mu Qing to realize what had just happened, or nearly happened. Not when he could still feel all the lingering sensations. Feng Xin's skin on his... hot lips on his neck... each inch of their bodies pressed together... Mu Qing closed his eyes and silently recited the Ethics Sutra.
This couldn't happen! No way!
Awareness in the form of icy water seeped into him, dousing his heated mind in coldness and clarity. After eight hundred years he finally had lost control and gave in to temptation, nearly breaking his vow...
He snapped his eyes open and caught sight of Feng Xin, who sat there, eyes closed and fists clenched, just like a mirror image of Mu Qing. His expression was contorted into something resembling pain and his breathing was strained and heavy.
"I won't break my vow!" Mu Qing blurted out in a panicked voice, leading Feng Xin to open his eyes and return his intense gaze. The hot feeling returned at once, but this time he kept the shimmering sparkles under a suffocating cover, rendering them unable to spread out anew. "I don't want to break my vow," he repeated a little calmer than before.
Feng Xin slowly unclenched his fists and took a deep breath, centering himself. "I never expected you to! Mu Qing, I highly respect your chosen path of cultivation and it wasn't my intention to pressure you into anything. Just now I... I forgot myself, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He regarded Mu Qing with concerned eyes, scanning him for any obvious signs of distress.
"I-I'm fine," Mu Qing nodded while straightening out his rumpled clothes as best as he could in his sitting position, avoiding Feng Xin's eyes.
"Can I come closer?"
Still not looking at him, Mu Qing nodded, giving him permission. Feng Xin scooted over, bridging the distance and settling himself down in front of him.
"Is it alright if I touch you?" he asked further.
Mu Qing nodded again. "You can. I'm fine, really!"
"Then why won't you look at me?" Feng Xin's tone was soft and beckoning. Mu Qing bit his lip and chanced a glance in his direction. "What? Shy now all of a sudden?" the other teased, effectively making Mu Qing turn his head up to glare at him.
"I'm not!" he fired at Feng Xin.
"You were just now," the other challenged back, appearing amused and causing Mu Qing to get even more annoyed.
"And you're a jerk!" he stood up and turned around, crossing his arms in indignation.
Mu Qing heard the light rustling of grass and saw a shadow appear next to his own. His body became rigid as arms encircled him and kept him in a gentle hold, hands cupping Mu Qing's own in front of his chest. As Feng Xin placed his head on his shoulder and nuzzled him with his nose, he slackened his tense posture again, leaning back against his beloved.
"Maybe I am, but I'm you're jerk!" Feng Xin stated happily.
A warm laugh escaped Mu Qing against his will.
"And again, I'm sorry. I should have put a stop to it and not let myself get carried away."
"It's okay..."
"No, it isn't! I don't want you to think I'm a needy asshole who doesn't respect peoples boundaries. I promise you, it won't happen again!"
Mu Qing couldn't help the slight sting of guilt, as Feng Xin wasn't the only one who had been too caught up to stop.
He turned around in his embrace and placed a quick kiss on Feng Xin's lips. "It's fine! I just..."
"What?" the god wanted to know. Mu Qing squirmed around uncomfortably, reluctant to answer, so Feng Xin added, "We wanted to try this thing together, you remember? Something called communication. It usually requires both parties involved to talk with each other. You know you can tell me everything, right? I promise I won't lose my temper!"
Mu Qing finally met his eyes. "I'm scared you'll get bored of me. You don't follow the same cultivation path, so I'm practically forcing you to stay abstinent due to our relationship... You can't be okay with that..." His voice trailed of, unsure. He couldn't quite decide if he wanted to know the answer or if he preferred not to hear it. But Feng Xin didn't leave him another choice, as he cupped his face and spoke with a warm glint in his eyes.
"Don't ever believe you're not enough! I love you for who you are. Whether that includes sleeping with you or not, doesn't matter to me. I mean, of course I would be lying if I said I have zero interest, but what counts a thousand times more for me is being together with you. Be it spending time with you here, being able to fight with you by my side or take you to the mortal realm to slender over a market and gift you sweets. I don't care what we do, as long as we can share these experiences with each other. I just want you next to me! Do you understand?"
Mu Qing nodded numbly, taken aback by Feng Xin's declaration. He felt warm all over. Wanting to bottle up this cozy sensation, he instead snuggled up to Feng Xin.
"I love you," he whispered. Like it was a secret, only to be heard by his partner.
"I love you too, Sweetheart."
Mu Qing was once again enclosed by strong arms. Arms that could crush a boulder like it was made of sand but held him like the most fragile thing, keeping him safe and loved.
He never would have thought he could have this, but here he stood. Mu Qing felt like he was living in a dream. But if he indeed was, he never wanted to wake up.
They stayed in their embrace, simply enjoying each other's presence.
Then Mu Qing piped up. "You know you have to work on my hair again, right? I bet it's a mess!"
Feng Xin chuckled. "Of course! Come on, let's sit back down," he took him by the hand and guided him to their original positions, settling down behind him.
"I'll make you look pretty again."
Mu Qing gave Feng Xin's leg a light slap, conveying his outrage.
"I mean even more pretty! Stop hitting me!"
"Then get started!"
Feng Xin did as told.
--->---<--->---<--->---<---
He nocked the next arrow as he assumed the right position. Regulating his breathing, he took aim and the next second he released the string, watching the arrow fly through the air to it's target.
"Damn it!" Feng Xin cursed.
Another missed shot. Most of them had hit the target, however only one of the countless tries had met the center and several darted past it entirely. Not even grazing it!
It was beyond frustrating. Feng Xin knew he had to be patient. Since he had lost the bet against Hua Cheng and with it his archery skills, he had practised nearly every day to claim them back step by step. The knowledge was still there to his great relief, but his muscles simply didn't want to listen to his mind. He felt like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. Seeing and knowing how things worked didn't mean you could automatically do them as well. Sadly.
Feng Xin continued his training, grabbing another arrow. Around him a few of his subordinates were also working on their archery skills, but he just ignored them. Where a few weeks ago he had felt highly uncomfortable having his deputies witness his miserable skills, he didn't mind their questioning looks anymore. Since Feng Xin didn't want Mu Qing to know about the bet he had made, he hadn't told anyone the reason behind his sudden lack in talent, only swearing all his people to secrecy and beseeching Xie Lian not to talk to Mu Qing about it.
So far, it had worked out. Mu Qing didn't have the slightest clue.
Getting a strange feeling, he lowered his bow and tried to figure out what that sensation was. It almost felt like someone was stabbing him from behind, piercing him with their sharp gaze.
Feng Xin turned around.
Shit.
There he sat on the bank under the canopy of trees. Exactly like the last time, when he still had that horrible poison creeping through his veins.
Mu Qing! What was he doing here?! Until now, Feng Xin had been successful in keeping Mu Qing away from the training grounds or at least noticed him in time to stop shooting his arrows.
How long had he been here? What had he seen?
Not delaying the inevitable confrontation any further, Feng Xin made his way over to him.
As he came nearer, he could make out Mu Qing's stern face. He sat straight and with crossed arms and legs, scrutinizing Feng Xin and making him want to shrink, avoiding the other's narrowed eyes.
Feng Xin made an effort to get his act together as he stepped closer. He was a grown-up man! He was a powerful martial god! Why should he be afraid of the person he loved?
Mu Qing clicked his tongue impatiently. Feng Xin considered running away.
"Get a move on, Feng Xin! You can't escape my question and you know it."
Sighing, he bridged the last distance and came to a stand in front of Mu Qing.
"So..." Feng Xin trailed off, avoiding the other's glare. "I take it you've been here for a while already...?" He shifted from one leg to the other.
"You could say that. You're observation skills clearly haven't gotten any better, I see... Also, care to explain what's going on with your archery? The last time I saw you shooting, not a single arrow went even an inch away from the center. Well, except one. But today was like watching your junior official's first training lessons. What's going on? Bad day?" he raised an eyebrow.
Feng Xin gulped. He couldn't possibly answer that with a yes, especially because he had spent the most part of his day with Mu Qing. The blue flowers were still in his hair, reminding him of that fact.
He fiddled with the sleeves of his robe. "It's just bad luck! Tomorrow I'll be better again! Everyone can have a bad phase."
"Not you! Cut the crap! Even on your worst day you've never been this bad. Why won't you tell me? What's there to hide?"
Mu Qing listened to Mu Qing's soft yet harsh voice while a thousand thoughts raised through his mind. What should he do? This was a dead end. What other options where there?
He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, groaning. "Okay... alright, I'll tell you." He opened them again and looked at Mu Qing who had tilted his head in a silent sign that he was listening.
"Please don't freak out! I had good reasons to do it!"
Mu Qing already seemed alarmed. "What reasons? Do what?"
Feng Xin cleared his throat, making room for the words to pass through, forcing them out. "I... kind of made a bet..."
Silence.
"A bet," Mu Qing's voice was emotionless, just repeating what Feng Xin had said. Then, after another moment of silence, "A bet!"
Feng Xin flinched at the cutting tone drawing his shoulders up and grimacing. "Yes..."
"With whom? With Crimson Rain?!" Mu Qing sprang up from the bank, every part of his body radiating an unquenchable rage. "Did you make a fucking bet with Hua Cheng?!"
Feng Xin knew those thoughts were out of place right now. But as Mu Qing stood before him, he couldn't help but stare at his lips, wanting to meet them with his own like earlier in the clearing, when things had escalated. Where a few months prior his first instinct would have been to punch him in answer, now he could register that desire as a completely different urge. And he had to hold himself back from giving in with all that he had.
Mu Qing was blind to Feng Xin's distraction, his concentration set on other things. "Answer me already! Why did you do it? Are you stupid?!"
Feng Xin snapped out of his thoughts. "I had no other choice! You were dying!! What was I supposed to do?"
Mu Qing sucked in a breath, stumbling backwards until he nearly hit the bench. "What...?" he whispered, his pale face portraying his shock at hearing Feng Xin's exclamation.
Seeing the other's reaction, Feng Xin reigned himself in and continued in a calmer voice.
"You were dying Mu Qing... I couldn't find a solution and Crimson Rain had all the information needed. So I had made a bet to get them and find out how to cure you. In the end it had been more of a test for him and a great chance to see me low. At least it had seemed so. I don't think he really would have let you die. Not as long as Xie Lian wanted you to live. So... there's that. Archery skills in exchange for your life. Not a big deal, you see? I even get the chance to learn them anew. They aren't gone forever."
Mu Qing still seemed rather out of it.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he wanted to know.
Feng Xin wanted to step closer, yet refrained from doing so, fearing his advances weren't welcome at the moment. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want you to feel bad or something like that. It had been my decision and I don't regret it in the slightest. I would be stupid to!"
Slowly, Mu Qing's slack expression and posture turned back to his previous tense state.
"You didn't want to make it a big deal, yet you did just that! What do you think I'm supposed to feel and do about it?! You should have told me, I had the right to know!" With every passing word Mu Qing became more and more agitated. "What's with your speech about communication and talking about things?! You can't expect me to listen, to follow on this when you can't even do it yourself, Feng Xin! You... you should have told me..." At the end his voice grew small and Feng Xin could see the hurt and disappointment in his face. It cut right through his heart, making him bleed out his harbored guilt.
That wasn't all. There was more to tell him. Feng Xin knew he had to clean up the air of any lingering secrets between them. This had gone on for too long already.
"You're right, I'm sorry! I really am! I know I should have told you... Actually, there-" he was cut off, before he could continue his confession.
"No, stop! I can't have this conversation right now!" Mu Qing held up a hand, preventing Feng Xin from protesting. "I- I need time to sort this out, then we can talk."
At first Feng Xin wanted to ignore him and explain further, resolving this discussion right here, right now, but then he took in Mu Qing's overwhelmed expression and decided against it.
"Okay... fine," he gave in, speaking in a soft voice. "I really have more things to say. Will you come to me when you're ready so we can talk it all out?"
Mu Qing nodded. "I will."
"That's great! Just promise me not to delve too deep into you're thoughts. I know how fast they get tangled up. Don't make something out of it that it isn't, okay?"
"I don't know what a promise is worth between us anymore, but yes, I'll do my best not to drift in the wrong direction."
Feng Xin felt the cut in his heart deepen.
"See you later," Mu Qing's tone was neutral as he stepped away from Feng Xin, heading towards the exit.
As Feng Xin looked around, he noticed that the whole place was deserted. Everyone seemed to have taken flight at witnessing their ugly conversation, if you could call it that...
He had to set this right! It had all went so well between them until now. He didn't want any stupid communication issues getting in the way of their growing relationship.
Feng Xin simply wouldn't allow it.