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The sound of the door being slammed with more force than necessary was something that didn’t face him anymore. He didn’t even blink; he just kept staring ahead, feeling the blood rushing from his nose and testing the blood on his mouth. He was just sitting on the floor, one arm on top of his bent knee and the other against the couch, mimicking the intention of getting up but not putting it into motion.
They had another fight.
It was their fifth fight that month—seventh if one considers the two times they had issues while in bed and one of them ended up leaving for the couch.
He can’t remember how many they had since they started dating a few years ago; screaming was usually involved; they were started by Sugimoto; punches were thrown, Sugimoto being usually the first one to do it; someone most likely ended up leaving, again Sugimoto.
It was too easy to blame Sugimoto for everything, wasn’t it?
He blinks, looking down.
That is how it has always been for them, isn’t it? No matter what life they live, they are always fighting. They may not try to kill each other like they did in their past life but they still find ways to hurt each other…
Or more like, Ogata keeps finding ways to rile up Sugimoto to make him react; good or bad reaction, he doesn’t care; he just has one desire. He needs to keep the other man's attention on himself as much as he can, just keep those amber eyes on him otherwise… otherwise he may find out that getting with Ogata was a mistake and finally leave him.
Well, he may actually end up bringing it to himself, isn't he?
He pushed Sugimoto too much and made him snap more and more. Ogata didn't mind the results; they actually led to some of their best fucks. He loves when Sugimoto is rough; a night with blood and scars is a perfect night for him, and he likes to think it is the same for Sugimoto.
But he knows deep down that the other man is a lot softer than he is; he knows Sugimoto would be happier in a relationship where he didn’t have someone who nags him as often as he can to get his full attention, but he can’t help it.
Sugimoto would never love him without violence in the way. He knows he is rotten; anyone can see it; even Sugimoto was starting to see how he truly was, and Ogata wanted to stop that as much as he could. At first, he tried to play nice, be a good boyfriend, not cause problems, and act like everything was fine, but even that wasn’t enough; Sugimoto could see how fucked up he was, and Ogata couldn’t deal with the other man leaving him over it, so to stop Sugimoto from looking too deep, he incited him into fights.
They worked well enough on his past life. There was no reason they wouldn't work on this one too.
Fights keep him from looking too deep, but they may also be what finally pushes him away.
He bites his lip.
Every time he riles up Sugimoto, there is a fifty-fifty chance of them ending up on bed, all that had been said or done forgotten on a night of passion and pain; those were the results he was looking for, the ones he used to get, but lately, he is getting the other one, where Sugimoto may start things, punch him, throw him around, all the things he wants from him, but then he stops, looks at him with something that makes Ogata's body feel cold, and just stomps out of the apartment.
With every time this happens, he fears it will be the last time. Sugimoto would leave and never come back; he would finally have enough and leave him to rot in his own misery because he is too fucked up to keep a normal relationship.
He doesn’t know what he would do if that happens.
It may even be today.
He cleans the blood from his nose.
If Sugimoto were smart, he wouldn't ever come back; he deserves better than what Ogata can offer. Ogata wouldn’t ever let him go, so it's up to him to just never come back and get a better partner and a better life.
He doesn’t know how long he has been sitting here; it feels like an eternity has passed but could have been just a few minutes, but all he knows is that Sugimoto hasn’t come back. Why would he? What can he offer? He knows Sugimoto wants a family, but he doesn’t; families aren’t nothing but a pain.
A thought crossed his head, making his dry throat crock a laugh.
What if he lets Sugimoto get what he wants? He can get his family with whoever he so wants—a partner, kids, pets—whatever normal families are, and he just stays around as an occasional lover, someone that Sugimoto can go to see to release his violent urges. Because Ogata knows he has them, there is a reason they have stayed together so long.
He could just become a side piece; everyone would be happy like that, right? Yes, that could work. He would do anything so Sugimoto doesn’t leave him, even…
The blood was supposed to have stopped by now, but he could still feel liquid running down his face; his cheeks feel too wet, and he doesn’t seem to want to stop. He needs to check that so he doesn’t bleed out.
When he opens his eyes again, there is light coming from the open window. Their fight was in the night; hours had passed, and…
…Sugimoto hasn’t come back, he hasn’t moved from his spot. His eyes sting and his throat feels dry and like it is closing, he knows some water would help but can’t get himself to get up; he is just waiting and waiting for that man to come back.
For who knows how long he will stay there, waiting for a maybe.
If he stays still, he is sure that man will come back; he always does; if he moves, there is a chance he won’t come. That is how these things work,
right mom?
Ogata closes his tired eyes one more time, feeling something drop from their corners, unsure of what but too tired to care, and before falling back into darkness, all he can think is…
…maybe the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree after all.