Chapter Text
His Warrior: Eric Cartman
The elves have done it again. They have attacked the kingdom of kupa keep in order to take The Stick Of Truth.
The grand wizard was doing his best to beat them off with his staff, and although he was totally kicking ass he has fallen. Now, on the floor at the sad mercy of that dirty Jew elf king Kyle, the grand wizard could do nothing but glare at him with deep hatred.
"You lost fat ass! Now give us the stick of truth and admit your defeat!" Kyle shouted, smirking as his best fighter, Stan, pointed his sword at the fallen wizard. "Fuck you Kyle! The stick is ours!"
"Alright," the elf king said with an exhausted sigh. "Then prepare to meet your end!" The elf king nodded towards Stan, who nodded back and lifted his sword, ready to land the final blow. This was it, the end of the grand wizard, how could it have come to this? For such an awesome and totally cool wizard to lose his kingdom at the hands of a greedy and dirty elf Jew? The grand wizard closed his eyes, preparing for the final strike of Stan's sword, only to hear a loud 'clang'!
"Hands off you filthy elf!"
Could it be? Someone has come to his aid?
Opening his eyes, the grand wizard watched as Kyle's best warrior fought with her. "(Y/N)?!" He was shocked.
She had come to his aid, but why?
The two had had a fight a few days ago and haven't spoken a word to one another since. He thought she hated his guts, just like everyone else. He won't lie he was relieved to see that (y/n) had come to his rescue, especially since she was the only girl who was nice to him and not a total bitch like the other girls in South Park.
The two warriors clashed their swords, battling it out as they fought face to face, each loyal to their rightful king. "(Y/n)! What are you doing?!" Kyle exclaimed, standing out of the way as she pushed Stan away forcefully, standing in front of the grand wizard protectively. "I'm protecting the grand wizard! What does it look like!" She responded, huffing as she glared at Stan.
Stan stood, panting as he wiped away some blood from his lip. "(Y/n), you don't have to do this, don't defend him. Join us and together, we can lead the greatest kingdom ever known in the history of kingdoms!" Kyle nodded in agreement and gave her a soft smile, extending his hand to her. "He's right. Don't defend wizard fat ass over there. Come with us, you won't regret it." He told her in a soft tone, his eyes gazing into her own in such a gentle manner.
The grand wizard watched as (y/n) hesitated, lowering her sword and glancing down at the elf king's dirty Jew hand. In that moment panic began to rush though his veins, no! No she can't go!
He won't let her go!
Standing, the grand wizard pushed (y/n) behind him protectively, slapping away the elf king's hand as he lifted his staff in case Stan choose to attacked. "Fuck you, you fucking Jew! You're not taking her!"
Kyle glared at the grand wizard as Stan lifted his sword. "You stay out of this jackass! It's her choice not yours! If she wants to leave your fat ass behind then let her!" The grand wizard shook his head stubbornly, backing up and holding (y/n) protectively behind him. "No! I'm not letting her go! She's mine!" The dirty elf king sighed and nodded his head towards Stan, allowing the young warrior to attack. Stan lifted his sword and preparing to attack, before running at the wizard, ready to strike him down by the order of his king. The grand wizard prepared himself, getting his staff ready to defend himself against the attack, until he was thrown off to the side.
Clang!
Looking up the grand wizard watched with wide eyes as (y/n) fought against Stan, attacking him multiple times by bashing her sword against the raven haired warrior nonstop. "Ack!" One more strike and she was able to push Stan away forcefully, causing him to drop his sword as he fell to the ground in defeat. "Stan!" Kyle cried in shock, watching as (y/n) walked up to him, head held high in victory. "Leave now or you will both regret it!"
Kyle growled under his breath, this was not how things were supposed to end, the elves were supposed to win the stick back. And they would have done it too had the wizard's best warrior not shown up. The king quickly turned to his people and shouted. "Elves! Fall back! Quickly!"
Helping Stan up, Kyle sent the grand wizard one last dirty look, before running away as fast as he could. "The stick will be ours! Just you wait fat ass!"
Once they were out of sight, the citizens of Kupa Keep cheered in victory as the elves ran off, heads hanging low in defeat. Cartman stood and dusted himself off, watching as (y/n) spoke with the others, hugging and cheering loudly with them all at their victory. Paladin Butters walked up to the wizard, a large smile on his face as always. "Oh boy! I'm so glad (y/n) got here on time! I was sure we were ganna lose to the elves!" Without taking his eyes off of the beautiful warrior, the wizard sighed in exhaustion. "How did she know we were being attacked?"
"Oh! I called her!"
Turning sharply, Cartman sent the younger blond boy a harsh glare. "You did what?!" Paladin Butters slowly began to back away from the angry wizard, rubbing his knuckles together nervously as he stared down at the ground in shame. "I-I thought that w-we could use the extra help... She was really mad when she heard that the kingdom was being attacked and no one called her... She was super mad to hear that the elf king was beating you."
Cartman couldn't believe it. So he sounded like a complete weakling compared to Kyle, this was not what he wanted! "What the fuck paladin Butters! That's not cool you little fucktard! Goddammit Butters you made me sound like I was a fucking weak bastard compared to Kyle!"
"I-I'm sorry grand wizard!"
"No! Fuck you!"
The grand wizard stormed off into his tent, closing it as he sat down on his throne to think. "Fucking Butters and his stupid ideas and shit."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Hey Butters?" (Y/n) asked as she sat down next to him, she patted his head softly as he heaved a sad sigh. "You okay buddy? What was that argument you had with Eric earlier?"
For some reason she was the only one allowed to call him Eric, when everyone else tried he would cuss them off from here to kingdom come without a shortage of breath. Why she was allowed, she will never know. But she liked knowing that she was the only one allowed to call him by his first name, it made her feel like he liked her better than anyone else.
Butters sighed once more and began to rub his knuckles together nervously, a small habit of his that she couldn't help but find way too cute. "Aw jeez (y/n), I'm sorry. He's really mad that I called you here."
(Y/n) couldn't help but blink in confusion, Eric was mad that Butters had called her to help fight for the kingdom? But didn't the grand wizard need her help? "He was mad I came here? But why? The kingdom needed my help. The least he could do was be grateful." She mumbled, glancing down at the ground in anger. "Yeah, he was really mad. He said that I made him sound like a complete weak bastard compared to Kyle. He doesn't like thinking he's w-weaker than Kyle when you're involved."
"When I'm involved?" She asked, raising a brow.
"Yeah, he really likes you, ya see. He told me once when we were chatting with princess Kenny, so only the two of us know." Butters reached down and picked up a small dandelion, smiling as he turned to give it to the beautiful girl next to him. "He doesn't like it when the other guys start talking about asking you out or buying you flowers. He gets really mad, I guess he didn't like it because rumour has it that you have a crush on Kyle, and you were going to be switching to his team because you liked him so much."
Taking the flower from Butters' hand, the young warrior thanked him softly as she thought about everything he had just told her.
Cartman liked her.
He had a crush on her and didn't like being compared to Kyle at all.
It all made sense now.
The way he was always so sweet to her, the way he smiled and laughed around her, the way he always found a way to hold her hand or hold her close, the way he yelled at every guy that tried to come on to her.
It was all because he liked her.
That explains the fight the two kids had last week.
-flashback-
(Y/n) was at her locker, getting her things ready to go home since a new episode of Terrence and Phillip was going to be aired that day. As she closed her locker door, she spotted Cartman stomping his way towards her.
Thinking that someone had pissed him off, she simply smiled and turned to him, giving him a small wave in greeting. "Hey Eric-"
"Is it true?"
"Huh?"
He stared at the young (h/c) haired girl with a serious look, his eyes showed anger, hurt and jealousy. She couldn't help but blinked in confusion, as she stared back at him. "Is what true?"
He sighed in frustration and rolled his eyes as he rephrased his words. "Is it true that you think Kyle is cute?"
(Y/n) thought about it for a bit, trying to see if telling the truth was really a good idea or not. Now that she really thought about it, Kyle was sort of cute, but he wasn't like Cartman. She liked Cartman a lot, more than any girl did really; especially since Cartman wasn't really the most popular boy in school. But there was just something about him that she just adored about the chubby brunet.
"Yeah, I guess he is."
Cartman's eyes widen as he stared at her, sadness slowly began to cloud his eyes. He looked so heart broken, it made her own heart twist and ache in her chest just staring at him. She watched as his face slowly began to change from sad to angry as he immediately turned to walk up to Kyle, pushing him down to the ground forcefully. "What the fuck you fat ass!" Kyle hissed, standing up and dusting himself off as he glared at the brunet before him.
"Fuck. You. You fucking Jew! Not only do you steal everything else, but you have to try and take away the one thing I care about the most you fucking asshole!" The chubby boy roared, causing everyone to stop and stare at him in shock and slight fear.
The two began to argue, as a crowed formed around them. Clyde smirked and started chanting, hoping others around him would follow in his lead. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
But just as Cartman was about to throw the first punch, (y/n) stepped in front of Kyle, spreading her arms out to protect him. Upon seeing the young girl there, Cartman immediately stopped his punch in midair, giving her a confused look. "(Y/n)? What the hell are you doing? Get out of the way so I can punch this fucking Jew!' But the young (h/c) haired girl just glared at him and turned to give Kyle a concerned look. "You alright?"
He nodded and thanked her softly, giving her a small smile before turning to look back at Cartman. Turning back to face her angry friend, (y/n) heaved a sigh and tried to calm him down.
"Eric why are you picking on Kyle?" She asked softly, watching as he glared at the boy behind her with such hate. "Why am I picking on him? Why are YOU defending HIM! Do you like this fucking asshole?"
"Yes I do he's a good friend! Why wouldn't I like him? Seriously Eric what's wrong with you?"
Cartman just stared at her, standing frozen on the spot like a statue in shock, before growling and pushing the young girl to the ground roughly. "Fuck you, you fucking whore! Who needs you anyways? Go with this fucking Jew I don't give two shits anymore!" With that, the large boy turned and ran out of the school, leaving the young girl on the ground, shocked and heart broken.
So he hated her now.
She had lost her best friend, all because she stopped the fight he was having with Kyle.
-End of flashback-
Gasping in realization, (y/n) stood, dusting her outfit off and fixing herself, placing the dandelion that paladin Butters gave her in her hair. "Thanks Butters! I owe you one!"
Butters blinked in confusion as he stood with her, walking alongside the pretty girl as they made their way towards the grand wizard's castle. "Owe me? For what?" He asked, hesitating before getting closer to her. He was still a little nervous and didn't feel like dealing with an angry wizard. "I owe you for telling me he likes me. It all makes sense now!" Just as (y/n) was about to enter, Butters quickly grabbed her hand, pulling her back a bit. "W-wait (y/n), are you going to tell him? Please don't tell him I told you! I don't wanna get into trouble again."
(Y/n) chuckled, before turning to give the young blond a soft kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry Butters, I'm just going to tell the grand wizard that I like him too. Thank you for telling me." Giving his hand a soft , reassuring squeeze, the young warrior entered the tent with new found confidence, ready to tell the wizard of her hidden feelings for him.
The blond paladin simply stood there, blushing right up to the tip of his ears. Rubbing his knuckles together in an embarrassed manner, he couldn't help but let out a smile. "Ah jeez miss (y/n), you're so nice." He mumbled to himself, before turning to skip off, maybe to bother Tweek or something.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Upon entering the grand wizard's tent, the young warrior (y/n) looked about, before hearing him mumble softly to himself. Entering even further, she cleared her throat, capturing his attention as he stopped his previous mumbling.
"Paladin Butters, I'm not in the mood for your shit. Leave or I'm ganna shove my staff up your ass."
(Y/n) couldn't help but giggle at his threat, he was always good at making her laugh so easily, sometimes without even trying.
Upon hearing her giggles the grand wizard froze in his spot. Could it really be her, or was he imagining things again? Turning around slowly, his sky blue eyes landed on (y/n)'s (e/c) ones, watching as she got closer to him. "Hello grand wizard." She greeted with a soft smile, giving him a short bow.
The gran wizard sighed and turned back around, allowing his back to face her. "Hello warrior (y/n). I guess I know why you're here." He grumbled, looking down at the ground with an irritated look. Placing a hand on his shoulder, (y/n) stepped closer to him and spoke to him in a soft tone. "I need to tell you something."
The grand wizard tensed, before shaking off her hand and heaving another sigh. "I know what it is." He began, walking to the other side of the castle where the stick of truth was being held. "You're going to the fucking elf king aren't you. Of course..."
"Eric, that's not what I wanted to tell you-"
"Then what the fuck (y/n)?" He shouted, turning around to face the young warrior with an angry look upon his face. "What the fuck do you want? Oh! Poor weak Cartman! Kyle is so much better! Is that it? Is that it?! You want that fucking Jew over me?!"
"No Eric that's not it-"
"You always liked Kyle better than me huh? You bitch! You always liked that fucker!" He continued, interrupting her yet again and pointing an accusing finger at her.
"Eric listen to me-"
"I bet he used some kind of, fucking, Jew spell on you! He probably Jew washed your brain to make you like him or something-"
"Stop fucking interrupting me you fat ass!"
Upon hearing her insult, the grand wizard shut his mouth in shock. The two stood in silence, neither one of them uttering a single word. Minutes ticked on by as they both glanced away from the other, and after minutes of silence, the grand wizard lifted his head to glare at the female in front of gimp. "Then what the fuck do you want!"
Before he knew what was going on anymore, the young warrior tackled him to the ground, pressing her lips onto his in a small but sweet kiss. He hesitated at first, shocked out of his mind that something like this was happening. Was this a dream? No, this was reality. Without another thought, the grand wizard slowly began to kiss his warrior back, placing his staff down onto the ground before wrapping his arms around her waist. The two stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the quiet and the feel of each others lips on their own, before regrettably pulling apart.
Staring deeply into the warrior's (e/c) eyes, the confused wizard blinked, not sure if what had just happened, had actually happened. She stared back, gazing deeply into his sky blue eyes and smiling down at him with such a loving expression. "I like you, grand wizard, and I'm not leaving you for the elf king."
She wasn't going to leave him.
She wanted to stay with him rather then go with Kyle.
She choose him over Kyle.
"What?" Was all the confused wizard could make out, watching as (y/n) giggled and kissed his nose softly. "I said I like you, maybe even love you. And I'm not going anywhere. Besides, where would the grand wizard be without his prized warrior?"
The grand wizard was baffled. His warrior liked him back, she had said she maybe even loved him.
Reaching up to touch her cheek the grand wizard brushed his lips against hers once more, holding her close before whispering softly in her ear. "I like you too. Maybe even love you."
(Y/n)'s smile widened, as she turned to kiss her wizard deeply. Cartman could be so sweet sometimes, and she was so glad she was the only girl who could see his sweet side.
Because she knew all along that deep down under all that cruelty was a soft, sweet Eric.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
(Y/n) has been in there for a while now, and paladin Butters was beginning to worry. What if the two were having a fight and the grand wizard was being a jerk? He hoped not.
He hesitated a first, standing in the front entrance to the grand wizard's castle. He didn't want to get yelled at again, but for (y/n), he was going to be brave and enter to see if she was alright.
The young paladin entered the castle, hoping that the grand wizard wouldn't yell at him too much for the intrusion. "Excuse me? Hello? Uh, grand wizard is (y/n) here...?" He paused at the middle as he spotted the warrior (y/n) making out with the grand wizard on the floor near the stick of truth.
Breaking apart, the grand wizard lifted his head and glared at the young, shocked paladin. "Butters get the fuck out of here you asshole!"
Snapping out of his shock, the young paladin blushed to a cherry red, apologizing multiple times before turning to run out of the grand wizard's castle.
(Y/n) blinked in confusion, watching as Butters ran off, before breaking out into a small fit of giggles. "You're so mean to Butters." The grand wizard simply huffed and turned back to his new girlfriend, before staring at the dandelion in her hair. "What the hell?" He mumbled, reaching over to touch it softly, wondering why he never noticed it sooner.
"Oh, Butters gave it to me." She explained, smiling as she thought of the young paladin.
Scowling, the grand wizard ripped the flower out of her hair and threw it away. "I'll buy you some flowers later, just don't accept shit from any other guy!" His warrior giggled and kissed his cheek sweetly, his jealousy was so adorable sometimes.
But the grand wizard was serious, he wanted her all for himself, he didn't want to share. She was his warrior, and only his and he will keep her by his side forever.
Also Kyle can suck his balls because he now has a beautiful girlfriend and the Stick of Truth and he had nothing so na na na na na na! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!