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It was supposed to be simple. Each beat of the heart anchored to each breath, each breath anchored to a moment, one intangible present after another. In the empty space between action and desire, true tranquility would emerge and the path would be laid clear before her feet, every step anchored in every heart beat, every heart beat anchored in every breath…simple. Right and wrong, good and evil, love and hate- these were concepts that were not supposed to exist in a quiet mind, but Amilyn Holdo had never been good at doing what she was supposed to.
She had done her best since the beginning of the war. The riotous eccentricity of her childhood had been cloaked in a sparse austerity that befitted a Gatalentan lady. She no longer skipped down the halls of her Coruscant dormitory, but seemed instead to glide, each foot present in the world but not quite touching it. Impenetrable focus, her father had always called it, a meditative state so deep and true that it could not be breached by even the strongest will. She could slice through the senate like a sword, moving with ease until she slammed home, embedded in a soul that could not be cut.
It swept the breath from her body every time, no matter how many years passed. The sight of the impeccably coiled hair, the small form that held the force of suns, the voice that spoke of rebellion like it was religion. From the moment they had first met, Leia Organa had been able to shatter her focus as though it were glass. Worst of all, she did it without knowing. If she were being manipulated, Amilyn would have found it easier to resist. It would have been like an interrogation, a matter for slow breaths and curling inwards, but instead it was like a sudden frost in summer, an unexpected chill that raised goosebumps on her skin and longing in her heart.
An Imperial Coruscant cocktail party was no place to lose composure, but by the time Leia had crossed the floor Amilyn was past caring. All she could feel was the pounding of her heart, the sudden heat that flared beneath her cool skin. It took every inch of her will to allow her conversation with an Imperial science captain to fall into a natural lull before taking graceful leave and fleeing to the refresher block. She leaned against the counter, closing her eyes as she fought to control her breath. She didn’t move when the door hissed open, though she could not help but tremble under the gentle brush of a hand on her arm.
“I wish you would warn me,” she whispered.
“You want me to send on all the cocktail invitations I get? Then you’d be able to avoid me.” The Princess’s voice was warm, though her fingers did not cease their steady movement up and down Amilyn’s arm.
“I have no wish to avoid you.”
“I know.”
She held herself back for another moment, just to prove to them both that she could, then let herself turn to soak up the radiance in Leia’s eyes, the delicate brush of her lips, the subtle spice of her hair.
“How long are you on Coruscant?” she murmured, delighting in the way their two bodies fit perfectly together. “How long can I steal you?”
“Not long.”
The pang in her chest was nearly as bitter as Leia’s kiss was sweet. “It will be long enough,” she said.
“Oh? Long enough for what?”
She smiled, leaning down to brush her lips against Leia’s neck, “Long enough for us to talk of rebellion.”