Chapter Text
“Fuck you, Stede Bonnet!”
The iron door swung shut, and the last words that the newly incarcerated Izzy Hands hollered after Stede as he headed back up the stairs were not particularly pleasant.
“Well, I’m very glad that’s over with,” Stede announced with a half-smile as he emerged on the deck, Wee John trailing behind.
“What’re you gonna do with him, Captain?” Pete asked, joining the others as they congregated around Stede.
“Not sure yet. Ed and I will discuss it.”
Stede looked around for Ed, who was apparently absent.
“Well, I suppose we can’t keep him in the brig forever,” Lucius chimed in, to a muttering chorus of I don’t see why nots and should’ve thrown him overboard when we had the chance.
“Right. Well, Roach, you can give him some rations for now. We’ll continue heading north, and in a couple of days when we make port we’ll have reached a decision, I’m sure.”
“If you insist,” Roach shrugged.
“Now, if everyone’s had quite enough excitement I’m going to inform Ed of our decision. Erm - anyone know where Ed is?” Stede asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
The crew mumbled something collectively about not being sure.
“Right. Well, if you can amuse yourselves for a few hours, I’ll go and find him.”
The crew began chattering among themselves, going about their business, and Stede breathed a sigh of relief as he headed for the captain’s quarters.
………..
The pair had been steadily growing closer again since Stede’s return and subsequent apology, although there was still an unspoken something in the air between them. It was as though Ed was trying to keep Stede at a safe distance, struggling fruitlessly against the gravitational pull that insisted on bringing them together.
Stede didn’t know why Ed had vanished though. As soon as Ed had realised that Izzy’s attempt on Stede’s life had been unsuccessful, he had seemed to disappear without a trace.
Knowing the ship like the back of his hand, it gave Stede a potential four locations to check for him.
Knowing Ed, he was able to narrow it down even further.
Pushing down the ornament, Stede opened the door to the auxiliary wardrobe, fully expecting it to be bare.
He was completely overjoyed when he discovered it was exactly how he had left it. Rails of shirts, hangers of exquisite fabrics… even his favourite dressing gowns. They were all there.
Something inside Stede’s chest shifted a little, realising that Ed had kept this, a glimmer of his true self beneath the cold, unfeeling exterior of the Kraken. No one else knew it was here. Ed hadn’t surrendered every part of himself to the Kraken. He’d still clung to a piece of himself, a piece of Stede, despite everything.
There would be time to ponder more of his findings and reacquaint himself with his possessions later, though. Ed was more important.
“Ed? Are you in here?” Stede whispered loudly.
A rustle came from somewhere near the back, and something that sounded a little like a sniff.
“Edward?”
“Stede.”
The response was little more than a whisper, and Stede made his way deeper into the closet, trying to find the location of Ed’s voice.
“Here.”
Reaching the back, a pitiful sight met Stede’s eyes.
“Oh, Ed.”
Ed was sat with his chin on his chest, hugging his knees which were tucked tightly into his body, looking more depressed and utterly exhausted than Stede had ever seen. He looked small. He looked vulnerable.
Stede lowered himself to the ground in front of Ed, and reached out slowly with his hand. Ed recoiled, shrinking even further into himself, and Stede smarted at the rejection as he withdrew. Silence fell for a few minutes, then Ed spoke.
“It’s scary.”
It was little more than a whisper, and Stede wondered whether he was hearing things. He looked questioningly at Ed, who met his eyes, eyes that seemed to bore deep into Stede’s very soul.
“What you make me feel… it scares me.”
“Oh. I - I’m sorry,” Stede said, unsure.
“Sorry.” Ed echoes, a sad smile playing at his lips as he shook his head.
“Felt it the first time I saw you. Just about enough to notice, wasn’t even sure what it was, then. Then again when Izzy challenged you the night of the fuckery. Was bigger. When the British got you… that nearly broke me.” Ed choked off, looked haunted. He took a breath before continuing.
“Then today the fucker went for you again. I’ve faced down entire fleets out for my blood, but none of it compared to the fear of losing you - a second time. The first time, I tried being Blackbeard, tried being the Kraken, but nothing worked. Nothing stopped the fear. Nothing stopped the feelings.”
Stede was silent, hanging on to every word. There was so much to say, but he wouldn’t interrupt Ed when he was pouring his heart out like this. It wasn’t a regular occurrence, and Stede would be damned if he didn’t give Ed the space he needed to be vulnerable.
“I don’t even know who I am anymore since you.”
Not daring to move, barely daring to breathe, Stede responded with the only thing he could think of.
“Who do you want to be?”
Ed looked up, finally meeting Stede’s eyes. In them was raw emotion, and Stede knew that whatever words came next would be the complete truth.
“I want to be the person who’s good enough to win Stede Bonnet’s heart.”
Stede gasped and gave a watery smile, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall at Ed’s words.
“Oh, Ed. You’re more than enough, darling. And I think you’ll find you already did that some time ago.”
Offering up a silent prayer of hope, Stede opened his arms, then gasped as Ed launched himself into them, almost knocking him backwards. His chin rested on Stede’s shoulder, and after a few moments Stede thought he felt a shudder that only came when one was crying. He stroked Ed’s back in reassurance, the leather rough under his fingers. It reminded him of when they had first met. Ed had been so fond of Stede’s silks and soft things, and Stede had been fond of him sharing them.
Although the re-emergence of Ed from the Kraken had taken just a few days after Stede’s return, it had still been too long as far as he was concerned. The acts of violence Ed - the Kraken - had committed wasn’t what worried Stede, though. He had always known what Blackbeard was capable of. It was how Ed would come to terms with what he had done.
As for Ed, it had been a constant balancing act - the more Stede coaxed Ed out of his violent persona, the happier everyone on the ship was. Apart from one person - Izzy. This meant that the former first mate made life more miserable for the crew, and round and round they went.
Ed was caught between a rock and a hard place, and it was exhausting. He just wanted to be himself again.
So he had done as he pleased to a certain degree, shedding the layers of the Kraken but holding back just enough to keep up appearances which had involved keeping the paint on for Izzy’s benefit.
“Edward? Are you alright?”
Ed’s sobs had grown almost audible, and Stede reluctantly broke the embrace to look at Ed. He was concerned to see his dear friend in such distress.
Tears rolled down Ed’s cheek, and Stede instinctively reached up to brush them away, the charcoal staining his fingers. Ed grabbed his hand, holding it against his cheek, meeting Stede’s eyes in a beseeching gaze.
“I can’t lose you again, Stede. I just - I just can’t.”
Ed closed his eyes and took a few deep, steadying breaths, nuzzling Stede’s palm against his cheek, taking the reassurance he so desperately needed.
When Ed opened his eyes again, there was something else in them, a flash of something intimate, something dangerous that made Stede shiver and his heart beat faster.
Locking his eyes with Stede’s, Ed turned his hand gently, pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist, and Stede felt positively faint. The sensation of something so simple yet so intimate felt positively electrifying.
“Do you understand what I mean, love?”
Stede’s heart soared at the endearment.
“I think - yes… I rather think I do.”
Ed pressed his forehead to Stede’s, and the two took a few steadying breaths, light headed and reeling from their proximity.
“Can you help get this off me?”
Ed gestured to his face, to his black ringed eyes and the painted beard.
“Of course I will. Let me fetch some water. I’ll be right back.”
Stede reluctantly extricated himself from Ed’s hold, and Ed held on to his hand until he was standing. Giving it a reassuring squeeze, he smiled down at Ed.
“Five minutes. I promise.”
………..
True to his word, five minutes later saw Stede sitting cross legged in front of Ed, separated by a bowl of water.
They both stared at it for a few moments, then Stede picked up the cloth and offered it to Ed. After a few moments Ed took it, dipping it into the water.
Neither of them missed the poignancy of the moment, a shared look of understanding passing between the two.
Ed wiped the cloth across his eyes, the charcoal staining it a dark grey. Rinsing it into the bowl, he repeated the motions again until the cloth finally came away clean.
The beard was next. Ed drew the cloth across his cheeks, his mouth, baring his skin once more.
“Is that all of it?” He whispered.
“There’s a little more just here -“ Stede gestured to Ed’s left cheek.
“Do you mind?” Ed held out the cloth, and Stede’s heart gave a jolt as he was allowed to erase the last remaining evidence of the Kraken from Ed.
Stede took the cloth and leaned forwards, wiping away the smudge on Ed’s cheek. Noticing some more, he wrung the cloth out over the bowl again.
The water trickled into the bowl, stained black with the charcoal. Stede’s hands were gentle, so soft as they turned Ed’s face to the side to wipe the remainder away.
Once he had finished, Stede ran the towel down each cheek, smiling as he completed his ministrations.
“There you are.”
Ed bowed his head at the words, a mixture of shame and self loathing coursing through his system.
“Hey.”
Stede lifted Ed’s chin with an aching gentleness until their eyes met.
“Still with me?”
Ed recognised the echo of his own words and returned the smile, feeling a little better.
“Wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he mumbled back.
Stede’s eyes shone with love and their brightness was almost blinding, and Ed slowly leaned forward until his head was buried in Stede’s shoulder. Warm hands slipped around his waist, and Ed is held, held with a tenderness he’s never experienced before in his life.
It’s so much again, and a sob escapes, muffled in Stede’s shirt.
“I’m sorry,” Ed croaked, his voice small and wavering. “Can’t stop fucking crying. I’m such a fucking mess.”
“Don’t be sorry,” came the whispered response. “I’ve got you. It’ll all be ok. I promise.”
Stede’s tone was sincere, and the words made the tears fall faster and thicker. After a while, Ed realised he had soaked Stede’s shoulder, and took a deep breath, calming himself.
“Thank you. Thank you for helping me find Ed again.”
Stede smiled, tenderly cupping Ed’s cheek and thumbing away a stray tear.
“I knew you were still in there. I know you could never truly become something you despise.”
“You’ve got more faith in me than I had, then.”
“You just needed someone to help you see it.”
They were so close, and Stede couldn’t help but gaze at Ed’s lips, wondering whether he would ever feel them pressed against his again. He had thought about it, replayed their first kiss on the beach over and over in his mind, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want more, especially now knowing how Ed still felt about him.
Ed saw him looking.
“Stede…” he whispered, and was it his imagination or was Ed moving closer and tilting his head in invitation?
Transfixed, Stede watched Ed’s motions as he moved closer, and this time he met him in the middle.
It was a feather-light brush of lips, so gentle yet so sincere. Stede drew back briefly to check that Ed was alright, and was reassured by the sight of his half-closed eyes and thoroughly relieved expression.
Moving to kiss Ed again, Stede leaned in and allowed himself to get lost in it, their lips seeking each other’s with purpose. Stede’s hands came up to tangle in Ed’s long hair, and Ed moaned softly at the feeling. Stede ran his tongue over Ed’s lips, which parted willingly for him, his own tongue flicking out to taste Stede.
The kiss was slow and sensual, and Ed felt like he was slowly being brought back to life. His hands roamed Stede’s broad back, the linen shirt soft under his fingertips.
When they finally broke apart for air, they gazed at each other with utmost adoration.
“Can we do this again? Soon?” Ed asked desperately.
“We can do this whenever you like, if you want to,” Stede said breathlessly.
”Oh, I want to. Do you?”
”I’d love to.”
Ed looked at him, his eyes darkening. Stede shivered.
”And… maybe… more?”
Stede smiled coyly.
”I think I’d like that, yes.”
Ed surged up with the force of a tidal wave, knocking the bowl of water aside in his eagerness to kiss Stede. It was almost becoming heated when Ed’s body began to give out and sag against Stede, the exhaustion finally catching up with him.
Stede reluctantly broke the kiss and Ed gave a whine of disappointment.
”Ed dear, when was the last time you slept? Properly?”
Ed made a non-committal noise and shrugged.
“Right.” Stede rose to his feet, holding out his hand to help Ed up off the floor. “Come on. I’m going to get you to bed. To sleep,” he added, when Ed raised his eyebrows.
Ed groaned, stretching a little, and Stede smiled to himself as he couldn’t help but notice the flash of Ed’s midriff under his leather top.
As Ed allowed Stede to lead him out of the closet, he stopped suddenly, placing his hand on Stede’s.
“Stay with me tonight. Please? I don’t want to be alone.”
Stede joined his hand with Ed’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Of course. And, Ed - thank you. Thank you for trusting me again. For allowing me back in here.” Stede placed his free hand over Ed’s heart, and a shared look of mutual appreciation and utter adoration passed between them for a few wonderful moments.
Stede finally closed the door to the closet behind him, and the pair made their way hand in hand towards the bed.
“We’ll have to decide what to do with Izzy soon,” Ed said darkly.
“Let him stew in the brig for a few days. It won’t do him any harm. I’ll make sure Roach gives him some rations.”
“Not sure he deserves it,” Ed muttered as he let go of Stede to clamber onto the bed.
Stede looked affronted as he positioned himself next to Ed, wriggling down to get comfortable before Ed snuck an arm over his waist.
“I’ll not let it be said that I don’t look after prisoners on my ship. Besides…” Stede broke off, giving Ed a sideways look. “I’d like a chance to pamper you properly without him… in the way.”
“What does that involve?” Ed asked curiously.
“I haven’t decided yet. But rest assured you will enjoy every part of it.”
Stede flashed his dazzling smile at Ed again, who chuckled and rolled his eyes, pulling Stede closer on the bed and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. If it wasn’t for the exhaustion that was already causing his eyes to close, he might’ve carried on where they left off earlier.
“G’night, Stede.”
“Night, Ed. Sweet dreams.”