The Doghouse

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The Scoop from Everyone’s Favorite Snoop: Deciphering the Origins of Redgrave City’s Latest Celebrity (Week of 06 April)

By Jack Milton (@ProfessionalSnoop)
Buy Jack a coffee or support him on Patreon!

Today’s Links:

• Redgrave’s Weirdest Cold Case: The Redgrave Manor Mystery, revisited
• Hey, Lookie Here! Treats to Titillate or Tribulate
• This Day in History: 1987, 1991, 2005, 2011
• The (Dog) Pen: Snoopy’s Publications in Progress

Redgrave City is currently hooked on tales of its newest internet sensation: a white haired man who carries a longsword around and rarely pays for his pizza. But looking deeper, there’s something even more interesting than his current exploits: his mysterious origins.

Dante Sparda isn’t just Redgrave City’s newest internet sensation. He and his identical twin are also the key to solving one of Redgrave City’s Greatest Mysteries: The Redgrave Manor Fire of 1985.

New evidence shows that Redgrave Manor wasn’t burnt down by humans, but by demons. As well, contrary to previous belief, evidence shows both boys living at the manor survived the fire. One even survived long enough to have a son himself, a previously unknown relation of the Sparda family from Fortuna.

It all started with a tweet posted two weeks ago by Twitter user @drewberrypie about his experience meeting Dante Sparda and the resulting thread it spawned. (see below)

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
I used to steal cars for the thrill of it, but then one night this guy in a red coat showed up and pinned me to a wall and it was the hottest thing that’s ever happened. Realized I’m into dudes, joined fetlife, found a great dom, three years on the straight & narrow. Thanks, king

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @drewberrypie
And BEFORE Y’ALL ASK I have no idea who this guy is besides the fact that he saved me from a bunch of demons right before pinning me to a wall and telling me off for carjacking and that he is extremely pretty. I’ve left that shit behind me, ok? Thanks babes xo

Crush the Capulet Cougars! @pussyinboots
Replying to @drewberrypie
I know you don’t know, but does anyone else know who tf red coat guy is? PLEASE tell me he has a twitter. I have to see his reaction to this holy shit

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @pussyinboots
okay so, I think I know who they’re talking about, and I’ve got a story about this guy (1/?)

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @alex13112
My brother ended up getting into some sketchy stuff a few years back, right? Well, the police threw him in jail while he was waiting for trial. We couldn’t afford bail, so he was stuck there for a bit. And  the jail warden there was doing some shady af shit (2/?)

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @alex13112
 he has the scars to prove it. Pretty sure humans can't bite like that, yk. (3/?)

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @alex13112
Every night, the warden would unlock the cells and let the guards hunt the prisoners for sport. Generally if you got caught by them, you’d never come back. “The most dangerous game” but real, basically. (4/?)

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @alex13112
Well, you’ll never guess who comes and saves the day. Mister red trench coat himself, in all his glory. He comes in, beats up a bunch of possessed guards, nerfs the evil warden, and leaves before anyone can thank him. (5/6)

Alexander the Mediocre @alex13112
Replying to @alex13112
No one got his name or contact info or anything. He’s pretty distinctive, so idk how. Bro does agree he was hot though. (6/6)

Tired Retail Worker ™ @anarchopizzaist
Replying to @alex13112
Wait, that guy? He owed one of my old bosses like 500 bucks. Man kept ordering pizza and “forgetting” to pay for it. He tipped SUPER well though even if he didn’t pay for the actual pizza. Legit tho how does he keep buying those coats when he can’t even pay for food?

Tired Retail Worker ™ @anarchopizzaist
Replying to @anarchopizzaist
He saved my ass after I got jumped by some assholes while doing delivery once. Didn’t even have to do anything, too. His reputation was enough to scare the guys away. Perks of living in the shit part of town and carrying a huge sword around? Idk

Tired Retail Worker ™ @anarchopizzaist
Replying to @anarchopizzaist
I think he has some mental health issues though because he got pizza almost every day and from what I saw, the inside of his shop is a mess. And the beating up demons and gangsters part too, obv. I hope he’s doing okay tho, he seemed like a solid dude.

Annie is not fine @annieareuok
Replying to @anarchopizzaist
Hold up, I know EXACTLY the guy you’re talking about. A friend said he’s banned from Fierri’s Pizza because he still hasn’t paid off his tab from like… 5 years ago.

Tired Retail Worker ™ @anarchopizzaist
Replying to @annieareuok
Sounds about like him lmao. I think he’s been banned from almost every pizza shop in Redgrave AND Capulet by now

THRASH Supremacy @rainingblood
Replying to @anarchopizzaist
A HUGE SWORD? Wtf is he doing with a HUGE SWORD?

Tired Retail Worker ™ @anarchopizzaist
Replying to @rainingblood
He runs a demon hunting business, bro. And I think he does other stuff too but idk. And before you ask, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have Twitter. He still did call in orders despite most ppl doing online these days. Idk if he had a computer either, but he might now?

Valorant Reaper @valorantreaper
Replying to @anarchopizzaist
Demons aren’t real, wacko. Stop spouting conspiracy theories and get a life, loser.

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @valorantreaper
Uh… have you ever been to Redgrave City? Demons are real, hun. STFU.

Jen Leonard @jennylenny
Replying to @valorantreaper
I know someone who’s a refugee from Fortuna. Trust me, they’re real.

Valorant Reaper @valorantreaper
Replying to @jennylenny
Isn’t Fortuna a cult island? Hate to break it to you, but your friend is probably just brainwashed. Kys, moron

Cradle of Pilk @pepsimilkguy
Replying to @valorantreaper
Okay, edgelord. Mind explaining this news coverage of the Fortuna “Earthquake” to me, then? (Gore Warning)
(VIDEO ID: Amateur News Footage of the Fortuna incident showing frightened people in old fashioned clothing running from hordes of demons. Some don’t make it and are attacked before they can flee. It looks too realistic to be CGI or photoshop, despite detractors in the replies saying it is.)

Cradle of Pilk @pepsimilkguy
Replying to @pepsimilkguy
That’s about what I thought. Valorant Reaper, more like Valorant Creeper lmao

Anonymous Nabisco Hater @anonstopbisco
Replying to @pepsimilkguy
Wait. Hold up. Hold tf up.
(1 Image Attached)

Anonymous Nabisco Hater @anonstopbisco
Replying to @anonstopbisco
I looked at the video and saw this??? Wtf was Hot Pizza Tab Guy doing on Fortuna?

Ava!!! @avanders11
Replying to @anonstopbisco
Wait THAT’S him? @drewberrypie you did NOT tell us he was THAT hot!!!

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @anonstopbisco
HOLY SHIT!! THAT’S HIM!!!! How the HELL did you find him?!?!?!

Ava, Redgrave Pizza Man’s #1 Fan @avanders11
Replying to @drewberrypie
I can SO see him being your gay awakening. Holy SHIT he is 🥵🥵🥵 and I can barely even see his face in that photo because its so blurry

El Dildo, Chick-Fil-A Dildo Dealer @eldildo
Replying to @avanders11
I enhanced it with the power of photoshop. You’re welcome ;)
(1 image attached)

Lisa!!! @listerrine
Replying to @eldildo
@hotdilflover SIS, CHECK OUT THOSE GORGEOUS FOREARMS. And that physique! And even those awful cowboy boots! How tf is this man so gorgeous that I’m not even mad about his crimes against fashion?

Meg <3 @hotdilflover
Replying to @listerrine
That’s the power of DILF energy. It's what makes the world turn in this depressing day and age.

Funniest Pic of the Week! @funnymemepics
Replying to @hotdilflover
He can stab me with his sword anytime 😘😜😉

Gemini Moon Kinda Bitch @astrologbitch
Replying to @funnymemepics
Hnnnnnng yeah. And seriously, can someone ID the women with him in the vid? My bi heart is aching, y’all. Aching, I tell you.

Ari (they/he) @arijames
Replying to @astrologbitch
I think I’ve seen them buying clothes in downtown Redgrave before? But otherwise, I have no idea.

Gemini Moon Kinda Bitch @astrologbitch
Replying to @arijames
Bummer :( oh well 

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
You know when I made that thirst tweet I had NO idea it was going to spiral into this wormhole of crazy, but now I’m honestly a little scared to find out more about this guy. Or maybe curious af as to what wacky woohoo pizza man is up to when he's not being someone’s gay awakening

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @drewberrypie
Seriously, who tf is this guy?!?

Redgrave City's #2 Cryptid @spm123
You know how some places have that one guy? Like that one random dude who bikes around dressed as Santa during summer? Well here in Redgrave we have a guy who carries a longsword and is banned from every pizza store in the city. Fucking love it here lmao #wackywoohoopizzaman

Redgrave’s #2 Cryptid @spm123
Replying to @spm123
Also kudos to @drewberrypie for coining #wackywoohoopizzaman

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @spm123
ASDFGHJKL you’re welcome #wackywoohoopizzaman

Redgrave Trends

News - Trending
#ouroborosscandal
100k Tweets

Music - Trending
Megallica Reunion
20.5k Tweets

Sports - Trending
Capulet Cougars
50.8k Tweets

Trending
Redgrave Tower Massacre 20th Anniversary
10k tweets

Trending
#wackywoohoopizzaman
1517 Tweets

It’s hard to find more information on Dante Sparda. But looking through recent posts about him, some details about him can be found. Nicoletta Goldstein, current owner of .45 Caliber Art Warks, claims that her grandmother Nell created his two signature handguns in comments on Reddit (see below.) For context, Nell Goldstein was the original owner of .45 Caliber Art Warks, forming the company in the 1960s.

r/RedgraveCity

Searching for Identity of Local Town Cryptid and Minor Twitter Sensation?

Posted by u/yourmanistan - 2w

So I recently read a twitter thread trying to find out who this crazy guy who hangs around Redgrave is. From what we can tell, he’s tall, has white hair, wears a red leather duster, and totes a huge sword and some custom handguns around. Apparently, he runs a demon hunting business on the bad side of town but also will do the occasional odd job on the side. People swear up and down that despite the weapons, he’s actually a really nice dude unless you’re a total asshole and even then he’ll only use his weapons on you if you’re a demon, but idk. I wouldn’t just trust a guy packing that much ammo at any given time, but that’s just me.

I think I’ve seen him at Fredi’s Diner once or twice? But I haven’t been back there in years due to dietary issues so I could be wrong. Idk, but apparently he also basically only eats pizza. Some users were saying that he’s blacklisted from just about every pizza place in town because he never pays off his tab.

Seriously, who the hell is this guy? Do we have, like, a town cryptid now?

+ 55 -

u/momoftree - 2w

Wait, are we talking about Dante from Devil May Cry? He fixed my sister’s roof once. Did a really good job, too, and refused to take any extra money from my sister despite knowing he was being scammed by her ex-husband. Really nice guy, and the roof's been in great shape for over a decade now. Wonder how he’s doing, he seems like a good guy. 

u/yourmanistan - 2w OP

That’s gotta be him! The business name fits. He fixes roofs, too? Damn.

u/momoftree - 2w

He does a bit of everything, from what I’ve heard. I don’t know much, though. 

u/igloolookingass - 2w

tried looking up his business, but I don’t think he has a website. There’s another branch of his business that popped up recently but they’re in Fortuna so they could just be a couple of random people stealing the brand 

u/momoftree - 2w

My sister’s ex found him through a newspaper ad iirc. I could be wrong, though

u/45CaliberArtWarks - 2w

The Fortuna Branch has Dante’s blessing! My friend started it out. It’s not run in the exact same way as the Redgrave/Capulet DMC branch, though. I mean, we actually have social media lmao. But we’re legit!

u/45CaliberArtWarks - 2w

If that’s Dante, then he knew my Grandma! She made him those handguns he always carries around. I work with a guy who met him during the Fortuna incident, too. Dante’s helped him out a bunch after so he’s pretty grateful to him.

u/larrylikeslasers - 2w

You make guns and arms, right? I’ve seen your vids in r/gunsmithing. They’re fucking AWESOME. 

u/45CaliberArtWarks - 2w

That’s me! And awww thanks, I put my heart and soul into every one! And feel free to DM me if you want my prices! I ship my babies all around the globe. 

u/yourmanistan - 2w OP

Here’s the link to the twitter thread. 

u/45CaliberArtWarks - 2w

HOLY SHIT WTF????

According to the company’s financial records, a teenager named Tony Redgrave made at least 5 payments to .45 Caliber Art Warks for guns in the late 1980s. Knowing Dante Sparda’s relative age and the makes of his signature guns, it’s obvious that Tony Redgrave is an alias he used at the time. This was confirmed by a picture of Redgrave and Nell Goldstein testing out guns together taken around the year 1988, as seen here.  

Records of Tony Redgrave show that he was active while Sparda was between the ages of 8 and 18, from the mid 1980s to the early 90s. 

It’s not public knowledge why Sparda changed his name, or if Dante Sparda is also an alias. But the infamous disappearance of two brothers after the Redgrave Manor Fire provides some answers. 

Twitter posts by Dante Sparda’s former foster daughter, Patricia Lowell, and his previously long lost nephew Nero reveal the existence of Dante's identical twin (see below). Dante, his twin, and the boys from Redgrave Manor all have or had white hair, meaning the Sparda Brothers are likely the boys that lived at the Manor before the fire. 

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @drewberrypie
@dmcfortuna BRO I’m DYING. The THIRSTING. Pffffffft Oh my GOD this is GREAT 

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @45CalibArtWarks
@pattycake123 

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @dmcfortuna
ASDFGHJKL THIS is NOT what I thought I’d be seeing on my feed today but HOLY SHIT Why tf are you guys thirsting after my foster dad??? WTF???

STARSET enjoyer @bustindates
Replying to @pattycake123
Wacky Woohoo Pizza Man has kids?

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @bustindates
Sort of, ish? It’s just me! Well, unless you count Nero, but he’s an adult I think???? 

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @pattycake123
Wait @dmcfortuna how old are you?

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @pattycake123
Old enough to be confused abt why tf people are thirsting after Dante on the internet lol but ok. And I’m pretty sure he’s not my dad 

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Wait then how are you guys related? He never told me

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @pattycake123
No idea how we’re related tbh

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Well, he did have an identical twin iirc! So you might be his nephew! 

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @pattycake123
Maybe, idk. I mean, just because we look sorta similar doesn’t mean we’re related tho

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @dmcfortuna
I call BS. you guys HAVE to be related. And @dmcfortuna how come you didn’t tell me Dante had a foster kid???? I thought we were bros???

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Didn’t come up. Sorry?

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Also, who tf came up with Wacky Woohoo Pizza Man and why?

I like Eeples and Beeneenees @thebeesknees
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Because he wacky, he go woohoo while killing demons, and he likes pizza? Idk ask @drewberrypie

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @thebeesknees
Fair 

But besides their unusual hair color, not much is known about the family that lived at Redgrave Manor. 

Records show that a wife, a husband, their two sons, and a dozen assorted staff members lived in the manor before the fire. Not much else is known about them besides them being “a little strange” and “liking the outdoors a lot,” according to neighbors. The sons were sometimes spotted rough housing outside or accompanying their mother into town, but the family rarely left their property.

A former employee at a nearby bookshop recalls that the wife and two boys would shop there sometimes. One of the boys only visited when his mother was there, but the other would often come alone and buy poetry books. The employee says he could tell the sons apart because one wore his hair long while the other slicked his back. 

The employee doesn’t remember that boy’s name, but knows that it started with a V. And judging by the lack of poetry books on Dante’s desk in the video posted by Lowell, this “V” definitely wasn’t Dante Sparda (see below.)

Patty!!! @pattycake123
GUYS GUYS GUYS 
I GOT HIM TO READ THE THING
#wackywoohoopizzaman
(1 video attached)

"Hey Dante!" a young, girlish voice says from behind a phone camera. The camera approaches a tall, tired looking man in a red trench coat, who sits idly, boots resting on a pile of magazines atop a cluttered desk. 

"Huh?" the man replies. "What's up, Patty-Cake? What’s with the camera?”

"You're gonna want to read this, trust me. Here."

Patty, the girl behind the camera, hands Dante a tablet, showing a glimpse of the original tweet and the thread resulting from it on the screen as she passes it over.

Dante skims the text. A mildly perturbed look appears on his face as he scrolls through the post and its comments.

"What the -"

He looks up at the camera, baffled, and Patty bursts into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Dante asks.

"You-your face!" she says, between chuckles.

"C’mon, it’s not that ugly! I mean, there's a reason all these people think I'm a DILF. Whatever that means."

Patty snorts, laughing even harder.

"What?" Dante asks. "I’m gonna guess it’s like being a MILF but for guys, right? So what's wrong with me being a hot DILF, then? I thought it was every man's dream to be all…” he gestures wildly, “Hip with the youth!"

“Oh my GOD, Dante, what the -”

The camera suddenly shuts off.

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @pattycake123
WHAT THE FUCK? @dmcfortuna DANTE KNOWS WHAT A DILF IS?!?!?

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @45CalibArtWarks
And now I wish I could un-know the existence of this video. Thanks for that, by the way.

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @dmcfortuna
You’re welcome, maybe pseudo cousin of mine 💖!

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @pattycake123
I’d comment my honest thoughts but this is a business account so I’ll pass

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Aw man 🙁 Darn

Former staff members from the manor declined to comment on the Sparda family, but implied that they moved to the manor to escape something. As previously known, they also confirmed that the entire staff was fired after the father left, three years before the manor burnt down.

None of them predicted the tragedy that would strike their old employers.

On September 6th, 1985, Redgrave Manor burnt to the ground. There were no immediate witnesses, but paramedics arrived after seeing smoke. Despite searching the entire property, they could only find the burnt body of the wife, with evidence of blunt force trauma and stab wounds.

“Most likely, she died in some sort of struggle before burning with the house,” Jane Menza, a former paramedic who responded to the scene, stated. “The situation was tragic all around. A mother and her sons all killed, in just one afternoon.”

Until recently, the twin sons were presumed dead due to pools of blood found across the property and at the nearby playground. But no other bodies were found in the surrounding area, even by other searches over the past 30 years.

Police found evidence of arson, but no trace of a getaway vehicle or fuel. With no good evidence, finding the truth about the fire seemed almost impossible. At least, until the Fortuna Island Disaster of 2017 proved the existence of demons to the mainstream.

According to footage of Fortuna, Demons don’t need getaway vehicles or fuel to approach a house, set it on fire, kill the occupants, and leave without a trace. They also leave pools of blood and viscera behind after dying even if their bodies vanish, making them the perfect arsonists.

A demonic attack also explains Dante Sparda’s choice to become a demon hunter after living as Tony Redgrave. He most likely did this to avoid the demons that killed his mother, but resumed living under his given name around the age of 19. His first records of adult life are of him starting his business: Devil May Cry, Redgrave City's longest running demon hunting business.

This explanation for the fire raises more questions. It’s unknown what the Manor’s owner did to anger these demons in the first place or if he’s still alive. And if he is alive, there is no explanation for why he didn’t come back for his sons after the fire.

Another question with no good answer is the fate of Dante’s brother, Vergil Sparda. But information on him was uncovered after the discovery of Vergil's son Nero, whom the public found out about through his tweets about his relationship to his uncle.

Jetpack Dracula @jetpackdrac
@dmcfortuna Were you the guy in the navy coat helping Dante out on Fortuna? With the cool arm and the sword that lights itself on fire?
(1 image attached)

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @jetpackdrac
That’s me. Why?

Jetpack Dracula @jetpackdrac
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Are you 100% sure that you're not related to Dante?

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @jetpackdrac
I don't see why who I'm related to is any of your business?

Jetpack Dracula @jetpackdrac
Replying to @dmcfortuna
I mean, it sort of is our business when your maybe uncle is the local internet cryptid lmao. Sorry

Discord: The Doghouse

#current-news

Jetpack Dracula
FUCK
dmcfortuna blocked me on twitter :(

Chic N' Stu
Because you kept butting into his family business? Of course he blocked you dude
You were invading his privacy hardcore there

Jetpack Dracula
Okay, maybe you’re right
But seriously, there’s NO FUCKING WAY that dmcfortuna on Twitter and Dante the pizza guy aren’t related. 45CalibArtWarks said it themselves!
Like. They have the exact same face, eye, and nose shape. They have to be related somehow.

Rat Snitch the Fun Time Ruiner
Plenty of people have look alikes that aren’t related to them, though?

Trish ⚡
Not with that shade of hair, they don’t.
You can’t fake that shade of platinum. Trust me.

Mostly Professional Snoop
You're really living up to your nickname today, @Rat Snitch the Good Time Ruiner
Also, how much are you all willing to bet that that pattycakes123 was right and dmcfortuna is actually Pizza Guy’s long lost nephew?

Trish ⚡
I'll bet… Dante's entire pizza tab
>:)

Chic N' Stu
I know better than to bet against you Snoop
Same here

Jetpack Dracula
You know what? I'll also bet Dante's fabled pizza tab on this being true

ladykalinaann
What are we betting Dante's pizza tab on now?

Trish ⚡
Scroll up a few, babe

ladykalinaann
Done
You know what?
I’ll bet whatever Trish is betting on this. I trust her judgement

Mostly Professional Snoop
Sounds good
I'll look into whether Pizza Guy even has a brother in the first place and then I’ll get back to you guys

Trish ⚡
Which you were going to do anyway, bet or not. Knowing you

Mostly Professional Snoop
Exactly, but money always, always helps
I try to always keep my articles free for all, but I do have a patreon page for people who have the means to pay
And if you do subscribe, you get my articles early! And a bonus article every week. Which is totally worth it, in my opinion

Trish ⚡
Just subscribed!

ladykalinaann
Same

Jetpack Dracula
👀

Chic N’ Stu
I mean… dmcfortuna is right though? It isn't our business to poke around this stuff

Mostly Professional Snoop
I might be poking around but I’m not gonna post it everywhere
I’m just gonna look into it a bit, because it seems REALLY interesting

Rat Snitch the Good Time Ruiner
You're a journalist though, Snoop
it's your job to post things everywhere

Mostly Professional Snoop
Ok, fine. I might post what I find. It depends on how interesting it is and if it'll get me any new patrons on Patreon, though.
the life of an independent journalist is a hard one 😩

ladykalinaann
So we've all heard from the rants you post in #vent.

Trish ⚡
Need any help with leads? Lady and I do PI stuff for a living and we’re happy to help out anytime

ladykalinaann
We are?

Trish ⚡
Yes?
At our usual rates, of course ;)

ladykalinaann
Obviously.
We don’t work free and we don’t work cheap
We do do payment plans for customers without a lot of money, though @Mostly Professional Snoop

Mostly Professional Snoop
I'll let you two know if I need the help! Thanks for offering

Former residents of Fortuna confirmed that Vergil Sparda lived there for a short time 21 years ago. They also confirmed the existence of Nero, his son and the current head of Devil May Cry’s Fortuna Branch. But Vergil was only there for a short time and left before Nero’s birth, never to be seen again.

Fortuna’s main church, the Order of the Sword, is well known for fighting demons. They worship Sparda, a demon who supposedly saved the island from demons 2,000 years ago. So Vergil had good reason to travel to the island, both because of his mother’s death and his family name.

But Nero was raised with no knowledge of his family, despite its obvious connection to Fortuna. No one in the island’s tight knit community knew of a white haired Sparda family. In fact, Nero was teased for his hair color and foreign father, often to the point of picking fights. 

Many of the refugees didn’t have good things to say about Nero, but there were some positive things said about his father.

Discord: The Doghouse

#current-news

Trish ⚡
@Mostly Professional Snoop how's it going with the scoop?

Mostly Professional Snoop
I’ve found something very interesting
According to every government office I've checked in town, there are no records of or for Dante Sparda from the age of 8 to about a decade later

Jetpack Dracula
Wait WHAT

Chic N' Stu
Wait so you're just saying the guy lived without papers for like
10 years?

Mostly Professional Snoop
Or with forged ones
Something is fishy and I am going to find out what
Just you wait

Trish ⚡
Good luck hun

Mostly Professional Snoop
Don't worry, this isn't my first rodeo
I’ll find the truth, one way or another
Mark my words

DM Between ladykalinaann and Trish ⚡

ladykalinaann
How’s it going with the leads for Snoop?

Trish ⚡
C'mon, babe. You know me
I'm a professional ;)

ladykalinaann
Professional annoyance

Trish ⚡
Aww love you too
Snoop hasn’t found any of our other leads yet
Despite him getting close to finding the Tony Redgrave thing
Otherwise all is quiet >:3

ladykalinaann
I really hope Dante doesn’t kill us for this

Trish ⚡
He can suck it up
We’re his friends and coworkers
and I respect Dante too much to let him keep suffering when he could be enjoying having family again like any rational human would
If that means that Nero gets mad and beats him up for not telling him about his father instead of Dante moping all the time, I’ll take it

ladykalinaann
Good point. And it’s better that we shape the narrative instead of leaving Snoop alone to write something stupid.
The article’s going to be released either way, and I’d rather do damage control now than deal with the fallout later
Are we still on for dinner tonight?

Trish ⚡
On your tab?

ladykalinaann
On yours. It's your turn to pay
Fierri's at 7?
We still haven't bugged Dante about how we can get pizza there still and he can't

Trish ⚡
Good point.
He’s still sad he’s not allowed back
Are we going to tell him about the article before or let him find out himself?
Snoop's article will probably be out in a week or 2, depending on how fast he finds info. A month at most, probably.

ladykalinaann
I was gonna tell him about the article but then stuff happened and I forgot
how about we wait until we know whether Snoop actually figures out the truth or not and then go from there?

Trish ⚡
Good thinking
we should buy D his favorite from Fierri's when or if that happens.
It's guaranteed to improve his mood if we end up having to tell him bad news, right?
That's what he told me human comfort food does, anyway
And pizza is the pinnacle of human creation so why wouldn't it be comforting?

ladykalinaann
I guess
I'll get some strawberry ice cream too when the time comes and I think we'll be set. You know how he is about that
We should probably contact everyone else and tell them what's up before that too
Maybe not Nero though?

Trish ⚡
👍
We’ll see about Nero.
see you later?

ladykalinaann
See you

Discord: The Doghouse

#current-news

Mostly Professional Snoop
Uh… guys?
I really wanted to keep this to my Patreon list, but…
I think I accidentally solved one of redgrave city’s oldest cold cases by accident while looking into the whole dmcfortuna and Pizza Guy connection

Trish ⚡
👀

Jetpack Dracula
Wait WHAT??

“Vergil was quite knowledgable and courteous of our culture, for an outsider,” said the previous owner of Fortuna’s biggest bookstore. While on Fortuna, Vergil would stop by and buy books of poetry, sometimes with an unidentified young woman in a red dress - presumably Nero’s mother.

Only some of the refugees interviewed knew him, but those that did stated that he spent most of his time in the town’s libraries or bookstores, hunting for books on demonic rituals, fighting techniques, or even poetry.

“He was a very strange young man,” a former librarian commented. “Intense. He rather scared me, to be honest. I thought he was about to kill me every time we talked!”

Nothing more is known about the woman in red or Vergil’s time in Fortuna. As well, no one from Fortuna connected Vergil to Nero until their relation was pointed out. 

Despite this, their connection was obvious to the internet at large, as shown by the Twitter conversation between Patty Lowell and Nero (linked above.)

Discord: The Doghouse

#current-news

Mostly Professional Snoop
Okay
So
I told you guys about the whole fire thing

Chic N’ Stu
Uh huh?

Jetpack Dracula
????

Mostly Professional Snoop
I’ve been asking around and someone hooked me up with a few refugees from Fortuna
So I asked them about You-Know-Who

Jetpack Dracula
Dante??

Mostly Professional Snoop
No
Nero

Chic N’ Stu
That’s @dmcfortuna’s name right?

Jetpack Dracula
Still mad at him for blocking me on Twitter tbh

Mostly Professional Snoop
Him, and Vergil Sparda
Vergil really liked books, right? There was a bookshop owner who knew him pretty well here in Redgrave
Apparently he liked poetry
So I asked where someone would go to buy books in Fortuna, and which of those shops were around 20 years ago
And I ended up finding a lead

Trish ⚡
👀
Spill

Mostly Professional Snoop
God I wish I could keep this to the Patreon feed
But you’ll never guess who used to see a white haired guy go in and buy poetry books

ladykalinaann
A bookshop owner?

Mostly Professional Snoop
Exactly! One of the refugees I met used to work at a bookshop around the time Nero would have been feasibly, well, conceived
And get this - there’s no way it could have been Dante.
For one thing, this white haired man didn’t have a broadsword, and for another thing he always wore his hair slicked back. Which was exactly how Vergil would wear his hair before the fire happened, while Dante wore his down

Chic N’ Stu
Did you ask about any lady friends?

Mostly Professional Snoop
I did, actually
And guess what?
He said there was a girl he’d come in with sometimes

Jetpack Dracula
WHAT
Wait
So

Mostly Professional Snoop
You were on the money, Drac!
Along with half of Twitter
And Nero’s friends

Jetpack Dracula
Holy fucking shit
I am SO EXCITED to gloat about this
You have no idea

ladykalinaann
When’s the scoop expected to drop?

Mostly Professional Snoop
Probably a couple of days for my patrons and by next week for the blog

Trish ⚡
I’m looking forward to it

ladykalinaann
Same!

The connection between Vergil and Nero Sparda was also obvious to Dante’s friends, who pointed out leads to the staff of The Doghouse to blackmail him to telling Nero he was his uncle.

One of them declined to be interviewed. The other, a private investigator named Trish, didn’t say much besides that “[Dante] needs to… stop feeling sorry for himself and enjoy life for once. If we have to force him to do so by blackmailing him into telling Nero the truth with this article, then we will. And that’s that.”

DM between ladykalinaann, Trish ⚡, and Professional Snoop

Professional Snoop
Hey, thank you so much for pointing me in the direction of those refugees. It really means a lot

ladykalinaann
Sure thing

Professional Snoop
But, you know, when I asked how you and Trish knew them, they said the most curious thing

Trish ⚡
Really, now?

Professional Snoop
They did.
You’re friends of Dante’s?

Trish ⚡
You caught us
I was wondering how long it’d take

Professional Snoop
I hope I didn’t take too long, then
So why are you pushing me to write this article? Wouldn’t you rather have me keep your friend’s privacy?

ladykalinaann
We would, but we’d rather you get it right then fuck it up and hurt Dante more. I doubt we’d be able to stop you from publishing this, anyway.

Trish ⚡
That, and Blackmail
Dante’s a great guy, but he needs to get his head out of his ass and stop moping
He hasn’t told Nero he’s his nephew yet. So we decided that if he doesn’t soon, we’ll let your article tell him instead
And obv he’d much rather tell Nero himself than have that exposed through the news

Professional Snoop
Well then
With friends like you, who needs enemies?

Trish ⚡
Trust me, we’d make great enemies

Professional Snoop
That’s pretty obvious from what I guessed
Is there any way I can quote any of these messages?

ladykalinaann
No

Trish ⚡
Hm…
You can quote me
But I think I’d rather give a formal statement for you to quote, if that’s okay

Professional Snoop
Sounds good
When’s a good time to meet?

Trish ⚡
’ll get back to you on that ;)

But without the original twitter post, Dante’s friends would never get him to tell Nero the truth. And without it, the story behind the Redgrave Manor Fire and its survivors would still be a mystery. But because of it, Redgrave City has something other cities don’t: pizza-eating, fire-surviving demon hunter keeping it safe from demons.

Be the first to like this article

Jack Milton @prosnoop
This Week’s Scoop: Deciphering the Origins of Redgrave City’s Latest Celebrity http://bit.ly/3KomMxE

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Okay, like I said, this is NOT how I thought that tweet would end up but you know what, this is actually really interesting and I’m here for it

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @drewberrypie
I feel sorta bad for Wacky Pizza Guy now though, that sounds really rough

Epic Thumb Dislocation @thumbwarmaster
Replying to @drewberrypie
Petition to start a gofundme for this man’s pizza bills because he shouldn’t have to deal with all of his trauma being made public

Mildly Unpalatable @mtndoffee
Replying to @thumbwarmaster
Signed

Meg <3 @hotdilflover
Replying to @thumbwarmaster
Signed 10000000x over

Jetpack Dracula @jetpackdrac
Replying to @thumbwarmaster
You know what? I’m down. I feel sorta bad for my involvement in this now

El Dildo, Chick-Fil-A Dildo Dealer @eldildo
Replying to @thumbwarmaster
Count me in. I’ll also donate some Chick-Fil-A money if needed, too

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @thumbwarmaster
You know what y’all, since I started this whole thing, I might as well make the gofundme page. Who do I tag to make sure it gets to him?

Gangster Bobby Jr. @sunstache
Replying to @drewberrypie
Probably @dmcfortuna or @pattycake123

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @sunstache
Thanks <3

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Okay. First off
What the fuck? (1/3)

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @dmcfortuna
Second off, I can’t BELIEVE ppl think airing someone’s dirty laundry like this is ok. I’m not the angry outcast this article says I am. I have people now, and I’m not a fan of how this article makes me look like either a violent asshole or a poor sad orphan. (2/3)

Devil May Cry Fortuna @dmcfortuna
Replying to @dmcfortuna
But I’m not the guy who broke his pool table when he heard about this. So @prosnoop can go fuck himself for putting my uncle through that just for a story. Thank the savior he told me everything before this got published because otherwise I would be A LOT more pissed. (3/3)

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @dmcfortuna
He’s right. I can’t believe anyone thought this would be okay at all. And the fact that you dragged MY COMPANY and MY family business into this makes me sick. But you know what makes me more sick? That @ladydemonhunter and @electrish thought this was fine.

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @45CalibArtWarks
What the fuck? I thought y’all were Dante’s friends, not ppl willing to sell his trauma for a quick buck. I can’t believe Dante still talks to y’all at all, if this is how you treat him. He’s way too nice to you, istg

Lady @ladydemonhunter
Replying to @45CalibArtWarks
Trish and I aren’t going to defend ourselves here. You’re right, Nico, and we agree with you. However, Trish and I have already talked with Dante and Nero in private about this and we don’t appreciate you taking it to the net. Thanks.

Nico @45CalibArtWarks
Replying to @ladydemonhunter
Gotcha. Sorry.

Trish ⚡ @electrish
Replying to @45CalibArtWarks
You’re fine, hun. Just don’t do it again xo

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
I made a gofundme for #wackywoohoopizzaman’s Pizza Debt - my thirst tweet started this whole fiasco, so you’re damn right I’m gonna make sure it ends up okay @pattycake123 @dmcfortuna
https://bit.ly/3KJcN7t

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Replying to @drewberrypie
You guys omg 😭 Seriously, you didn’t have to make a gofundme! But thank you SO MUCH, it really means a lot to me and the rest of the DMC crew. We’ll make sure the money gets to him even if he doesn’t want it ♥️♥️♥️

Patty!!! @pattycake123
Dante’s thoughts on the @prosnoop situation #wackywoohoopizzaman
(1 Video Attached)

“The camera’s on?” Dante says, sitting awkwardly in his desk chair and adjusting his coat. He looks even more tired and haggard than usual, which says something about his reaction to the situation.

“We're rolling,” Patty says.

"Okay," Dante says.

He takes a deep breath in, before starting to speak.

“Heya, Mister Jack Hilton or whatever your name is - "

“His name is Jack Milton, Dante,” Patty corrects.

“Jack Milton, okay,” he responds. “Whatever, Hack Milton. You know, I think you have some serious cojones for even trying this. I was pissed at first. I mean, just ask Lady and Trish, or look at my friggin’ pool table!”

The camera pans to a wrecked pool table across the room, before moving back to Dante.

Dante sighs, running his hand across his face and scratching awkwardly at his stubble.

“But you know what, Jackass? I can’t really hate you for it. Trish was right, I sort of needed the kick in the ass. And hey, even if Nero beat the piss out of me after I told him he’s my brother’s kid, it’s been nice having him hang around more.”

“Right back at you, bastard!” someone yells from out of the camera’s view.

“Love you too, squirt,” Dante fires back, “But really, knowing that there’s people out there who still have nice things to say about my brother despite…”

Dante takes a shaky breath in, steeling himself, before continuing.

“Well, everything is pretty great, too. We… we didn’t exactly get along too well after the fire, and he’s been…”

Dante sniffles and wipes his eyes with his sleeve.

“Verge has been dead for about a decade now, so it’s nice to know people remember him. So really, thanks. It honestly means a lot to this old man.”

“Weren’t you going to say something about the Pizza GoFundMe thing?” Patty adds.

“Oh, that?”

Dante pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head.

“You know, you guys really didn’t have to make a fundraiser for me. Not that it isn’t nice of you, but I can handle my bills just fine! And I’ve got an annoying nephew around now to remind me not to waste my money, right?”

“You’re goddamn right!”

“Like he said,” Dante adds, gesturing towards where Nero is offscreen. “Really though. Thanks a lot for thinking of me, but I don’t need the money. Anyway, remember: don’t do dumb shit, stay stylish, and if you see a demon out on the street - RUN. Don’t be a hero and try to beat it up.”

“He’s right,” Nero adds, out of view. “Seriously. Do not try to fight demons without proper equipment and training. You will get seriously injured or killed trying. I’m not fucking kidding here! You will end up dead if you do something that stupid.”

“You’ve sure got a way with words, kid,” Dante replies.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Nero shoots back. “Are we done here, or what?”

The video cuts off.

GoFundMe

Help Dante from Devil May Cry Pay Off His Bills

Andrew Stevenson is organizing this fundraiser on behalf of Dante Sparda

Created April 7th - Financial Emergency, Community

Dante Sparda, Redgrave City’s very own Wacky Pizza Man, is known for barely being able to afford his own food. Knowing how much he’s helped out our community and how recent discoveries about his role in the Redgrave Manor Fire of 1985 have affected his mental health, I (the creator of the tweet that accidentally made him a celebrity,) decided to do my part and repay him for everything he’s done not just for me, but for every other citizen of Redgrave City that he’s saved or helped. So here’s to you, Wacky Pizza Man. Thanks a bunch.

$4,569 raised out of $20,000 goal

664 Donors

Share

DONATE NOW

Recent Donations:

Ari Jenkins

$20 - Recent Donation

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Words of Support (Please donate to share words of support)

Anonymous

$200 - 6 hours

This is our family finally paying Dante back for fixing my sister’s roof! 10 years later and it’s still going strong. Once again, thanks so much!

Alexander Jones

$30 - 7 Hours

I can’t donate too much but I’m super thankful to Devil May Cry for saving my brother from getting killed in prison while we were raising his bail. Here’s my token of appreciation

Jen Leonard

$100 - 9 Hours

Thanks again to Devil May Cry and DMC Fortuna for their work rebuilding Fortuna after the incident!

Stuart Duvall

$25 - 10 Hours

I’m a friend of Jack Milton’s. While I know he would have published the article with or without my input, I’m sorry I didn’t do more to mitigate the damage it caused. Donating this money is the least I can do to make up for that. Sorry again, and I hope everyone affected is doing well.

Discord: The Doghouse

#arrivals

Welcome, @DevilTrigger! We hope you brought pizza!

Dyno (Bot)
Welcome @DevilTrigger! Please read the rules in #rules and then answer the questions in #intro-q-and-a and a @Mod will let you in!

DevilTrigger
You know what? I think I’ll be happy if I never have to think about pizza for the rest of my life, thx
Read the rules and answered the questions

Chic N’ Stu
You’re in @DevilTrigger

DevilTrigger
Thanks
You go to the current news chat to talk about news stuff, right?
Idk how to work this fucking app

Chic N’ Stu
Yup!

DevilTrigger
Thanks again

#current-news

DevilTrigger
How do you tag people?

Chic N’ Stu
Put an @ and then type their name

DevilTrigger
Like twitter then ok
@Professional Hack (Snoop) I’m still mad at you for snooping into my family business but I need your help

Jetpack Dracula (Smokin’ Crackula)
WAIT
ARE YOU DMCFORTUNA

DevilTrigger
Yeah
Why?

Jetpack Dracula (Smokin’ Crackula)
YOU BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER

DevilTrigger
Oh
I can unblock you?

Jetpack Dracula (Smokin’ Crackula)
ASDFGHJKL
OMG
Thanks

DevilTrigger
You’re welcome ig
You know if that Milton guy’s around yet?

Professional Hack (Snoop)
I’m here
What’s up?

DevilTrigger
Trish gave me your info
What are your rates for finding information on certain people?

Professional Hack (Snoop)
Just buy me a meal or two using the link in my profile and we’ll be good for now
But it depends on how much info you need

DevilTrigger
Where’s your profile?
I’m new to discord sorry

Professional Hack (Snoop)
Click on my name and scroll down to my Twitter link. It’s in my bio there

DevilTrigger
Found it
Paid
Anyway, you know who I am i think

Professional Hack (Snoop)
You told me to go fuck myself on Twitter, so I do haha

DevilTrigger
Oh. Sorry about that
Anyway
I need your help finding out information about my father
No one is telling me a damn thing and it’s starting to bug the shit out of me because I know that my old man did something fucked up, but I don’t know WHAT he did that’s making them stay quiet

Professional Hack (Snoop)
You’re fine. I’m used to angry comments. It’s part of the job.
And luckily for you, I kept looking into him even after publishing the article
Not that I’ll publish what I’ve got without your permission, before you yell at me about that

DevilTrigger
Good, because then I’d kill you
But go on

Professional Hack (Snoop)
I really hope you don’t mean that literally.
Anyway, you’ll never guess who I found on a list of student grant recipients from Redgrave University in the late 80s

DevilTrigger
Wait what?
There’s no way he was a student, though
I’m 99 percent sure neither him nor Dante went to college

Professional Hack (Snoop)
He wasn’t. In fact, him not being a student was one of the reasons the professor sponsoring him was fired

DevilTrigger
And the other reasons?

Professional Hack (Snoop)
Blatantly stealing research and expensive equipment from the U, and I think he tried to kill another professor once or twice.
He had tenure though, which means whatever made them fire him had to be nuts. Tenured profs at RU can do just about anything they want

DevilTrigger
What did this guy teach?

Professional Hack (Snoop)
He taught history, with a focus on historical accuracy in Mythology. So he probably had a lot of information on demons your dad wanted
I talked to an old colleague of his, and they said that this prof was practically a genius, but also seriously off his rocker at the best of times.

DevilTrigger
What was this guy’s name?

Professional Hack (Snoop)
Howard Arkham, but he went by H.P Arkham for his research
He had a wife who died under mysterious circumstances and a daughter who went missing, so I’m definitely not expecting to find anything fun about him
But that’s all I have so far

DevilTrigger
👍
I’ll look into him ASAP
Thanks

Professional Hack (Snoop)
Sure.
Good luck with your search

DevilTrigger
Thanks

DM Between ladykalinaann and Trish ⚡

ladykalinaann
Trish?

Trish ⚡
Nero took my advice and asked Snoop for help, didn't he?

ladykalinaann
I can't fucking believe that you think this is remotely close to acceptable.

Trish ⚡
Oh, I know
But I'm the one made from Vergil's old memories
And I think he'd want to make sure his son doesn't do something similarly dumb if he ends up losing everything

ladykalinaann
Nero wouldn't, though. He's nothing like his father.

Trish ⚡
You never know
I think he's more like him than you and Dante think ;)

Wacky Pizza Guy @ogdevilmaycry
am i doing this right? pattyy made me buy a cell phonme and make a twitter and i have no idea what im doing

Wacky Pizza Guy @ogdevilmaycry
Y r these phonbe keys so small??? I canrt spoell anything righr becauise my thumbsd are too bigf

Wacky Pizza Guy @ogdevilmaycry
Alkso i didn’t realize how much i missed fierri’s triple supreme until they let me order there againm so thx to u all for banding together and forcibly paying off my tab. still confused as to why you did tho.

Wacky Pizza Guy @ogdevilmaycry
Srsly you didnm;’t need to

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @ogdevilmaycry
GUYS, GALS, AND ENBY PALS. Y’ALL.

Drew (he/him) 🌈 @drewberrypie
Replying to @drewberrypie
DANTE DEVIL MAY CRY HAS A TWITTER NOW???? #wackywoohoopizzaman