Chapter Text
“I missed you… missed working with you,” he said and they walked slowly down the steps of the New York Public Library.
“You say that every time we work together,” she half teased, tucking her badge away in her jacket pocket and transitioning from Captain Benson, the woman he’d grown to know, to Liv, the one he no longer did.
“It’s true… I’d say it to you everyday but you’d probably think I was crazy,” he said, sly smile forming on his lips.
Tossing her head back, she let out a single and sarcastic laugh.
“I know you’re crazy.”
“Ouch,” he mocked, settling his hand against his chest.
She smiled shyly, chuckling again to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks, an effect of of the sweet and knowing smirk he was giving her, and checked her watch.
“I should get going…”
“Where’s Noah tonight?” He asked, the smirk falling along with his shoulders.
“He’s at a sleepover,” she answered carefully after a moment of inner debate, looking up to him.
“Sit with me for a little?” He asked, voice soft and hopeful, and head nodding towards the benches a few feet in front of them.
She hesitated for what felt like an eternity, moving forward only after he extended his hand to her.
They walked slowly, their fingers linked and hands swinging, and eventually sat down on a bench far enough from the prying eyes of lingering detectives and uniformed officers.
She sat first, and he exhaled a small sigh of relief before falling beside her, their thighs and shoulders touching.
“So?” She asked softly, fiddling with her hands in her lap.
“So… tell me…”
“About?”
“Everything.”
“Right now?”
“Why not,” he shrugged, looking at her again, smirk back on his face.
She exhaled a soft laugh and shook her head. “So many things, Elliot. Ten years is a long time.”
“It is.”
“We could be here for hours.”
“I’ve got nowhere to be. No one waiting at home for me. Neither do you.”
“Oh Elliot,” she laughed weakly, looking around to see who from the force was still lingering. She laughed softly, staring at something behind them, her eyes fixed on the two marble guardians watching their reunion.
“What?” He asked, turning to follow her gaze.
“Patience and Fortitude,” she remarked softly.
“Mhm?” He nodded, turning sideways to face her and gently placing his hand on her shoulder, encouraging her turn as well.
“It’s ironic… that they’re here with us tonight; that this is the place you chose to finally ask me about the ten years I spent without you.”
“Why?” He asked, tilting his head slightly and running his hand up her arm and to her chin, grasping it between his thumb and fore finger.
“Cause you’re gonna need a hell of a lot of patience and fortitude to get through ten years of my life’s stories.”
“I know about…”
“Lewis?”
He looked down.
“You can say his name. It doesn’t trigger me like it used to,” she admitted with a small sigh. “The town house incident?”
“The what…”
“Noah? His adoption?”
“He’s adopted?”
“All my promotions? Cragen and John’s retirement?”
“Should’ve been there.”
“Cassidy?”
“What about him?”
“We dated for a few years… went on a beach vacation and everything.”
He exhaled a sharp breath that made her laugh half heartedly.
“Skinny dipping in the Bahamas,” she added, and he squeezed her chin a little in response.
“Don’t break my heart like that.”
“That’s not even half of it.”
“Ed? The one you wanted to marry?”
“Ed,” she nodded. “He was a good man… but I wasn’t ready.”
“Like you aren’t now?”
“It was different…”
“How?”
“He was amazing. Roll model for Noah and a good man. He understood the job and was so good to me.”
“So why? Why walk away?”
“He was perfect. Tucker… when you took down the hard cop, IAB-rat exterior he was perfect, but… he wasn’t you.”
“You dated Tucker,” he blurted out.
“All of that and that’s what you took?”
“Tucker had sex with you?”
“Elliot,” she scolded softly, gently hitting his chest.
“You had sex with Tucker?”
“Lots of sex… oh come on, don’t look like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like I just ran over your puppy.”
“Tucker?”
“You left.”
Another whoosh of air left his lungs and he squeezed his eyes shut before slowly sliding his hand to her, the large expanse of it covering from her jaw to the back of her head.
“What else?”
“Lewis killed himself in front of me… Noah was kidnapped by his maternal grandmother and… I made new friends and stayed close with old ones. I got promotions and saved lives and lost some; I raised my boy and dated and tried to picture my life with anyone but you and I just… I couldn’t do it Elliot.”
“I should’ve stayed,” he whispered.
“Sometimes I wished you had. I spent,” she shook her head, freeing herself from his hand and turning forward, pulling away from him as was her MO lately.
“You spent what…”
“I spent years wishing you’d come home. Every big and small moment I wished you were there. I spent a year being angry at you; mourning what I thought was the most important relationship I’d ever had.”
“You were mine. Besides my kids, you are mine,” he corrected.
“You walked away, Elliot. You left me without a word. I had to mourn an empty casket, Elliot; pack up a desk with pictures of kids I loved like my own and had known since they were babies.”
“If I had heard…”
“My voice… I know. But you only thought about you. Not me.”
“I thought about my family.”
“I don’t fault you for it.”
“So why…”
“Cause I’m allowed to. I’m entitled to be upset. I don’t have to forgive you just cause you gave me a sweet smile and touched my face.”
“I know… I… I know. But I wish you would.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I’ve been home for two and a half years, Liv. Let me in.”
“It’s not that easy,” she repeated.
“Why? I’m not asking to take you on a skinny dipping vacation to the Bahamas. I just wanna take you and your kid to lunch. I wanna sit down with you and have a glass of red wine and hear every horrible and amazing detail of the time I spent away from you.”
“Gonna need more than a glass; maybe something stronger than wine.”
“Anything you need. Anything you want.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“What do you want, Elliot,” she asked, turning to face him again; pulling her knee up between them and placing her hand on top of his.
“You.”
She rolled her eyes and he flipped his hand to take hold of hers.
“All of you. In anyway you’ll let me.”
“What if I just want a lunch date once a year.”
“Fine.”
“What if I just wanna see you on cases?”
“I’ll be there and I’ll work hard.”
“What if I just want you on speed dial whenever I need a good fuck?”
“Glad you think I’ll be a good fuck,” he growled, puffing out his chest.
She rolled her eyes in response, pausing briefly before continuing her line of questioning.
“What if I want you to stay single forever just incase I change my mind.”
“You’re not understanding me,” he couldn’t help but chuckle. “I want you in any damn way I can get you, Olivia. And I know you want me too, in some way.”
“And why’s that?” She scoffed, sitting up straighter and pulling her hand away.
“Cause,” he mumbled, grabbing her hand back again. “You just went through four options, none of which included you not wanting me.”
“What are you, a detective?” She deflected.
“You’re scared…”
“I don’t get scared.”
“No I know you’re scared of me; of this.”
“How do you know that?”
“Cause I am too. Scared of me; scared of hurting you; scared of letting you or Noah down; scared of not being perfect enough.”
“You don’t need to be perfect you just need to…”
“To what?” He begged softly, his free hand finding her chin and cheek again.
“To be there.”
“Let me.”
“What do you want Elliot,” she asked again, sliding both hands up her arms and to his shoulders. “Right now? What do you want.”
“I wanna take you home. I wanna pour you a glass of wine and snuggle up on my couch and talk about everything. I wanna hear it all and get to know my Olivia again.”
“Tonight?”
“I heard McGrath tell you to take tomorrow off.”
“We’re old.”
“We’ll sleep when we’re dead.”
“What else?”
“I wanna make you laugh. I wanna hear your stories and hold you. I wanna kiss you and learn every inch of your body the way I’ll have learned every inch of your mind.”
“El,” she whispered.
“I want to show you how much I love you. I wanna show you that I’m sorry and that the time away was worth it; that I learned more about myself and that you blossomed without me.”
“I know… I know I did.”
“Good,” he emphasized. “I wouldn’t do anything differently, cause you flourished Olivia. But I want you to know that I’m so, so damn sorry anyways.”
“Fuck,” she exhaled; voice breathy and husky.
“And I wanna hear that tone of voice again, but,” he paused, working up the courage before leaning a little closer to her. “I wanna hear it while I’m between your legs; with my mouth and my cock, making you feel so damn good, Olivia, cause you fucking deserve it.”
Her eyes fell shut and she shook her head lightly, standing up.
“Liv,” he sputtered out, worrying he’d gone too far.
She shook her head and he braced himself for her rejection; braced himself for her explanation of why she wasn’t ready, how she maybe never would be.
Instead she surprised him.
She always did.
“My place is closer,” she said, turning to him and holding out her hand.
Her words registered slowly, but when they did a smile spread quickly across his face as he pulled himself to his feet and grasped onto her.
From on top of and behind their perches, Patience, Fortitude, and Odafin Tutuola watched the bald headed and aging man pull the still gorgeous brunette into himself for a searing and passionate kiss.
Watched their arms wrap around one another, the captain being dipped like a rag doll as a knee was placed intentionally between her legs.
Watched the smiles on their lips as their tongues battled softly and their teeth gnashed.
Watched as they pulled away with several small pecks and smiles that illuminated the darkness around them.
Watched as they walked away, hand in hand, a bounce in the redemption-focused man’s step and a lightness in the Captain’s.
“You owe me, you skinny bastard,” Fin said, raising a finger to the sky, once they were out of earshot. “But I suppose you’ve got the best seat in the house.”