Work Text:
“You all plotted against me. I cannot believe this.”
“Plotting makes it sound so diabolical. We didn’t plot. We just… planned,” Wendy argued as she handed the blankets and pillows to Seulgi.
“That’s the same fucking thing!” If Seulgi weren’t as mature as she was, she would have thrown the pillows in her arms at Wendy’s head.
She sighed and instead buried her own face in the pile of pillows and blankets. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You’re just sharing a bed with her,” Wendy said from the other side of the room - where she was preparing her own bed to go to sleep.
“Just. Just?! I don’t think you’re grasping the gravity of the situation here.”
For anyone else, just sharing a bed with Bae Joohyun wouldn’t have any significance. But it wasn’t just sharing a bed with Bae Joohyun. It was sharing a bed with the girl she had been in love with for several months. They were all seriously overestimating her strength if they thought she would be able to handle this emotionally.
Just thinking about the situation made her heart race and her stomach clench. “I think I’m having an anxiety attack.”
“Shut up, no you’re not,” Wendy rolled her eyes and sat at the edge of her bed as she tied up her hair. “Go downstairs already, I’m going to sleep.”
Seulgi pouted and raised her head from the blankets, holding them closer to herself in attempt to act cute. “Can’t I just sleep in here with you?”
She was deadpanned with a curt, “No” from her best friend – to which she grimaced and stuck out her tongue.
“If I’m dead in the morning because my heart explodes I’m haunting your ass,” she mumbled before begrudgingly leaving the room.
Seulgi sighed and dragged her feet as she descended the stairs to the loft where she and Joohyun would be sleeping. Each step made her heart race faster.
The vacation of theirs was supposed to be a good time for everyone after ending their semester. Wendy’s parents had offered to take them to their beach house for a week; to which they were all grateful. Except for Wendy, none of them had ever been to a beach house before so they were all excited.
She had been genuinely enjoying herself until they all turned on her and attacked her with this.
Wendy had demanded she have her own bed since it was her family’s beach house and she was tired of being cramped. Sooyoung and Yerim had teamed up against them and claimed the only other guest room available; leaving Seulgi and Joohyun to fend for themselves on the twin sized pullout in the loft.
Seulgi knew Joohyun probably thought she hated the idea of sharing a bed with her. And she honestly couldn’t decide if that was better than her finding out about her long-term one sided crush. She would rather that – something she could easily amend by making up an excuse – than for her to discover her true feelings and reject her.
“Fuck Wendy…” she muttered under her breath as she entered the loft; seeing as most of this was her fault for encouraging the younger ones to take the guest room in the first place. She swore that she had this all planned out before they even got here.
“Hm?” Seulgi heard from the couch, her head snapping up to see Joohyun already showered and dressed in her pajamas.
“Nothing. Wendy just… said something mean before I left… Typical of her,” she covered up (horribly) with a lackluster chuckle.
She stood there awkwardly for a few seconds – starring at the floor instead of facing Joohyun because she would sure she would only say something ever more stupid if she were actually looking at her.
It was Joohyun who finally spoke up. “So uhm… do you have a preference of which side to sleep on?” she asked softly, making Seulgi finally look up at her.
Which was probably a mistake on her part because she swore she stopped breathing. Seeing Joohyun like this was like seeing a completely different side of her. It wasn’t drastic, but it was like she didn’t have any defenses up. Her bare face and casual clothes made her seem even more calming than usual, and yet Seulgi could feel herself tense up even more because of that very reason.
“I was actually thinking that I would sleep on the floor,” Seulgi said quickly, though immediately regretting it when she saw the flash of pain across Joohyun’s face.
“You don’t have to. I promise I don’t move around too much. It’ll be like I’m not even there,” Joohyun tried to assure. Seulgi silently promised her back that it would be impossible.
She went through a mental tug of war trying to decide what to do. She could either insist on sleeping on the flood and letting Joohyun keep the bed for herself, or she could just bear with it and try to not freak out and actually enjoy the one chance she’d probably ever have of being so close to Joohyun.
She chewed on her bottom lip in debate, but it was Joohyun’s soft pleading eyes that finally made her decision.
“I’ll sleep on the left.” Seulgi finally walked toward the bed that Joohyun had already taken the liberty of pulling out and set down the pillows and blankets. She tried desperately to suppress the feelings that bubbled in her chest at Joohyun’s relieved smile but she wasn’t sure that was actually physically possible for her.
Joohyun shifted on the bed and adjusted the pillows so they each had one. She even went so far as to fluff them up as Seulgi began unfolding the blankets.
And it was only then – when she actually focused her attention on what Wendy had given her – that she realized there were no blankets. Only one very small blanket.
She had to fight every nerve in her body to not storm upstairs and strangle her.
It seemed that Joohyun had also just come to the realization that not only would they be sharing a very small bed, they would also be sharing a very small blanket.
She mentally swore she was going to kill Wendy when she saw her.
“A small blanket for a small bed it seems,” Seulgi said with a halfhearted laugh. Acting witty about the situation was more for her own benefit and sanity than for Joohyun, but it seemed to make her laugh a little.
“I usually end up kicking off the sheets anyway.” Seulgi tried her best not to think about the situation that would happen very shortly. She would be in bed. Joohyun would be beside her. They would be under the same blanket. They skin would inevitably brush against one another.
She was sure she would wake up the next morning with blood shot eyes and dark bags from definite lack of sleep.
“It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure we both stay covered.” Again, Joohyun offered a warm smile that was probably meant for reassurance but only made Seulgi that much more wary.
She simply nodded and pulled on a smile of her own as she worked up the courage to get into bed.
Joohyun shifted beside her to make room and waited until Seulgi was fully adjusted before she covered them both with the blanket to the best of her ability. “See? Not so bad.”
But it was bad. Very very bad. Seulgi feared that the beating of her own heart was enough to make the bed shake. But she nodded curtly and stiffly, trying her absolute best not to move from her safe position.
Joohyun seemed to pause for a minute before she reached over to the bedside table and turned off the lamp. She readjusted herself to the same position and stayed quiet.
A few minutes passed without either of them saying anything else. Not a goodnight. Not a sweet dreams. And Seulgi was beginning to think that Joohyun had just fallen asleep.
“I’m sorry…”
Seulgi turned her head to Joohyun, who was staring up at the ceiling and clutching the blanket to her chest.
“I’m sorry that you’re stuck sleeping down here with me. You always avoid me… You never even make eye contact with me… Do you hate me?” Joohyun asked as she turned to face Seulgi with that saddest eyes she had ever seen.
It made her heart clench to see them. Seulgi had never seen Joohyun look so hurt before. She was the girl who always had a warm smile on her face and the softest, most accepting eyes she had ever come across. And it made Seulgi feel like absolute shit to be the reason that was all gone.
“No. No I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you at all.” She found it pretty ironic that her feelings were literally the complete opposite and yet here Joohyun was, thinking for so long that she had despised her. Maybe she hadn’t been as obvious as she thought (or maybe Joohyun was just too oblivious to realize).
“Then why do you always try so hard to avoid me? Even though we’re friends we barely even speak,” Joohyun’s voice wavered and Seulgi swore she was about to start crying.
She panicked, not sure what she should do in this situation. Being the reason for Joohyun’s tears were the absolute last thing she wanted. But telling her her feelings and possible pushing her away even further was something Seulgi was terrified of doing.
Her mouth went try as she tried to string together a sentence in her head that made any sort of sense.
“Because whenever I even look at you I completely forget how to speak.”
She saw the shock on Joohyun’s face and thought her own expression mirrored it. Her words were a surprise even to herself.
She watched Joohyun blink. She watched her brows furrow and crease. She saw the tears from her eyes and the sadness in her expression evaporate until all that was left was confusion and shock.
If it was possible to be alive without a beating heart it was happening to Seulgi. She felt dread and shame wash over her from the words she never wanted to say aloud.
The worst possible outcomes flashed in her mind. She imagined Joohyun getting up and walking away in disgust. She imagined Joohyun saying she couldn’t be friends with someone like that. She imagined Joohyun laughing to her face. And although deep down she knew these were all things Joohyun would never actually do to her, the fears were still manifested as she sat in the unbearable silence.
Seulgi forced herself up from the bed and quickly mumbled, “I’ll go,” as she stood from her position. She couldn’t handle it. If she sat there for any longer she would start sobbing. She had already embarrassed herself enough, she didn’t need to add to the list.
“Wait!”
When she looked back, Joohyun wasn’t reaching for her hand or her wrist. She wasn’t trying to reach out to grab onto her and stop her from leaving. Instead, she was reaching for the blanket and holding it up for her.
Seulgi looked up at Joohyun – stealing her previous look of confusion.
“Lay down with me,” she said, her voice almost desperate.
“W…what?” The first thought she had was this was Joohyun’s way of letting her down easy. She would tell her to lay down and they would pretend like nothing ever happened. Like Joohyun didn’t know Seulgi’s feelings and Seulgi avoided her because she hated her.
“Lay down,” she repeated, her voice softer and more resolute.
Seulgi hesitated, looking from Joohyun to the bed in confusion.
She was scared. Scared to death about what happened after this moment.
But she had nowhere else to go. And walking away from Joohyun would hurt even more.
She got into bed slowly, keeping as close to the edge as she could.
Joohyun let the blanket fall on top of Seulgi and she thought that was it.
But then she felt her warmth.
Joohyun curled up beside her – her arm wrapping around her waist and her head resting in the crook of her neck.
Seulgi was sure she had probably gone through shock from her words earlier and was in the afterlife because there was no way this was reality.
“Me too,” she spoke so softly that her words only barely brushed her ear – as if Joohyun was being absolutely sure only Seulgi would hear even though they were the only ones in the room.
She looked up at her – her eyes so full of the warmth and acceptance she had fallen in love with in the first place – and she just knew.
Neither of them had been very good with their words.
But with the look in her eyes and the contentment she felt being her arms, Seulgi understood everything she needed to.