Chapter Text
Sharing a room with everyone else had its downsides.
Let’s be real, it had a lot of downsides. He had to deal with Usopp’s loud snores, Luffy’s weird sleep talk, farts and groans and all other manner of noises people made in the middle of the night. Zoro never got to decide when he wanted to go to sleep-- sleep was a group decision, and if everyone else still wanted to drink and sing shanties into the early morning, he wasn’t gonna get any sleep at all.
He could get used to Usopp’s snores, and he had. He could get used to Luffy’s unconscious mumbles for more food, and he did. All of these familiar noises, he got used to them and they faded in the background. But when a new noise appeared.... By God what was that noise ?
It started as a rustling, fabric against fabric, like someone turning over in their sleep. The noise kept going, though, stretching on as a repeated action sustained it. What bastard was doing somersaults in their hammock? Zoro peered around the room, but no obvious culprit made himself known. Usopp and Luffy hadn’t moved an inch, and Sanji--
It was hard to make out in the near-darkness, but Sanji was moving, just a bit. Something slid up and down around his midsection, back and forth in a consistent manner that was generating the noise Zoro had heard. What, was the man scratching at his side? Could’ve caught something in Loguetown, a rash or had an allergic reaction.
....No. This was taking too long to just be an itch. Besides, he didn’t hear the scrape of nails on skin-- it was still that rubbing of fabric, with some skin-on-skin mixed in. Sanji let out a soft sigh, almost inaudible and--
Oh god damnit.
“Sanji,” he hissed, quiet as possible lest he wake the other two. “Hey!”
Their hammocks were placed on opposite sides of the room. Muffled by snores and the gentle roar of the sea, his words fell flat, never reaching Sanji. Zoro tried again, but Sanji didn’t slow.
Okay, that’s it . Zoro rolled out of his hammock, feet landing on the floor. He scowled, stalking around the edge of the room till he was behind Sanji’s hammock, the man somehow still going. Did he hear nothing? To do this in a room with other people and not even notice when one of them got up-- Fine. If Sanji wanted to be like this, then....
Zoro clamped one hand over Sanji’s mouth, grabbing the offending wrist. The man flinched, rolling back and forth in his hammock, but Zoro held him tight, leaning down to stare him in the eyes.
“Let’s have a chat .”
----
“What the hell kinda move was that ? I always thought you were a creep but to think you’d—“
“Oh you’re one to talk. Did you think at all before trying to rub one out in the same room as the rest of us?” Zoro shoved the man back. “You’re lucky I dragged you out here, instead of waking up Luffy and Usopp-- or Nami . Wouldn’t want me running to her saying you’re a freaky perv who jacks off around other people while they’re asleep.”
“Are you threatening me? Trying to get in with Nami and steal her from me?”
Zoro groaned, one hand rubbing at his face. “No, idiot, I want my sleep and you are ruining it. If you’ve gotta do that sorta stuff, do it somewhere else. This is a big ship, yeah? Jack off in some other corner that isn’t within my hearing.”
Sanji looked up at Zoro, scrutinizing him. “So you’re not going to tell Nami and the others?”
“I don’t care if you have to let off some steam— I just don’t want it near me. If you disturb me again, though, I won’t hold back.” Zoro leaned in with a glare. “ Got it ?”
“Alright, alright.”
The two fell silent, Zoro still standing with his arms crossed while Sanji looked anywhere but at him. Sanji tapped one foot against the wood of the deck, glancing back and forth.
“Well, uh, are we good?”
Zoro blinked. “Yeah....?”
“Okay then you can go back inside and sleep now.”
“After you, princess.”
“I’m good. You go in, I'll be there in a sec.”
“Sanji.... Right here?”
“You told me not to jerk off in there!”
“Yeah and you can’t just jerk off right here, either.” Zoro struggled to keep his voice low. “What, you’re gonna cum all over the wood? What if someone steps out to take a piss, huh-- they’d come face to face with you, making a fool of yourself.”
“Oh, my bad , I didn’t know you owned the ship. Do tell, Zoro, where exactly am I allowed to breathe and eat and shit?”
“You’ve lived on a ship your whole life, I shouldn’t need to tell you! I don’t want to know where you do your business. Find yourself some hiding spot and keep your activities there.” Zoro turned, one hand on the door. “See you later, pervert, I’m getting my beauty sleep.”
As the door swung shut behind him, Zoro could hear one last hurried whisper from Sanji;
“Yeah, well it’s not doing anything for you!”