Chapter Text
Butcher thought this was a perfect fate. He always thought supes were less than human figuratively, but now Homelander was less than human literally.
Finding a supe that could take down Homelander single-handedly was pretty lucky. Metamorph was a washed-up supe whose power was pretty much a party trick, a fucking powerful one. He had the power to turn any living being into another form. Though, he didn’t use it for world domination, just for ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s. He spent most of his days now living off what royalties he got from acting.
When Metamorph was approached by The Boys with the proposal to take down Homelander, it was the most excitement he’d had in his life. So of course, he agreed. He didn’t need to be blackmailed or given a reward.
All Metamorph needed was to touch Homelander and the fucker was done.
Butcher hoped he turned the asshole into an ant, just so he could squish him.
Before he knew it, Homelander was poofed into thin air. His costume was a crumpled pile on the ground. Holy shit, they did it, they took care of Homelander .
Metamorph wiped his hands together as if getting dirt off them. “Done.” He whistled.
The boys ran up to inspect the clothes pile, eyes wide with surprise at how easy it seemed. Just getting Homelanders guard down and having him shake hands with an ‘old fan’ was all it took?
“What’d you turn him into..?” Hughie spoke up, his question about to be answered. The bulge under the star-spangled cape started to shift around, and a low groaning sound could be heard. It shifted up to the collar of the suit slowly, before a furry head popped out and looked up at the group of humans with groggy blue eyes.
“No fucking way..” MM couldn’t believe this.
“ Awww!” Frenchie was immediately smitten at the sight.
“Y-you turned him into a cat?!” Hughies eyes widened even further.
Butcher couldn’t help but chuckle at this, then stifle a laugh, then a full-on belly laugh. The almighty powerful Homelander who could do “whatever the fuck he wanted” was turned into some prissy little animal, not even a dog. The group wasn’t too worried about running off when the cat gained consciousness, since Metamorph explained he once turned another supe into an animal. And they lost their powers out of human form. So here was Homelander, a powerless, weak pussycat. This was going to be fun for Butcher.
“Why a cat?” Hughie turned his head to Metamorph, to earn a shrug.
“I thought it would be funny.”
“And it is fucking funny, hilarious is what it is mate!” Butcher snickered.
Kimiko was the first to reach out and touch the groggy Homelander, stroking his head a few times and nodding.
Butcher gripped the scruff of the cat, pulling him out of the suit and hanging him in the air. Homelander was some kind of long-haired orange-colored cat, and somehow very cute as a feline.
“Well well, rest up pussycat, you’re gonna have an amazing life ahead of you.” Butcher smirked as Homelanders eyes slowly closed into a sleep.
“I ain’t fucking taking him.” MM was firm in his stance.
“Aw c'mon, think of how good a present he’d be for your lil girl.” Butcher smiled, the cat carrier in the corner of Butchers living room. Terror was snuffling around it, stubby tail wagging as he was trying to find a way to greet the newcomer. The Boys were congregated, trying to figure out what to do with the passed out cat. “All little girls love kittens right?” He couldn’t think of a more degrading existence. Being a little girls pet, playing dress up and tea for the rest of his life.
“Don’t bring Jenine into this.” MM held up a finger, offended.
“Thought you were a cat person. You could just keep him around in the background anyway.” Butcher crossed his arms.
“I’m allergic to cats. And don’t care if he’s a cat, he’s Homelander, he’s a psychopath.” MM frowned.
“Well, all cats are psychopaths.” Butcher clearly was a dog person. But even if Homelander was a dog, he’d still punt him. “Cats are not psychopaths, they just-“ Hughies cat defending argument was cut off by a buzzing Frenchie.
“Why not me?” The Frenchman grinned. “Always wanted a little kitty. My papa, he killed my first cat friend.” No one addressed that as he brushed by it as fast as he brought it up. “And he’s so mignon, cutie patootie, look at him.” He gestured to the carrier, where Homelander admittedly did look cute conked out. “What do you think mon coeur?” He looked back at Kimiko. She pressed her lips into a thin line and looked back at the carrier. Frenchie seemed to really want it so she nodded.
“Yeah, he’s cute til he’s eating your face in your sleep.” MM snorted. “Butcher, why don’t we just…dump him on the street? In the pound or something? Nobodys gonna know he’s Homelander, he ain’t our problem anymore.”
Frenchie looked at MM as if he just said the worst thing ever. “Petit Homelander could have a cat brain, you ever think of that? So cruel to dump a kitty like that.” He argued, making MM scoff. “Right, take him out the carrier and test that.” He dared, making Frenchie raise his eyebrows. “..fine, then I will!” The group watched him walk over to the carrier, then unlock it. Butcher made sure to pull Terror back by his collar, not wanting the dog to take a chunk out of the cat or smush him to death yet. Homelanders blue eyes snapped open, his little ears twitching as he suddenly was lucid.
“Cmere!” Frenchie tried to coax the cat out, clapping his hands gently and clicking his tongue. Homelander looked pretty freaked out, but wobbled as he awkwardly stepped out of the carrier. He looked around with wide eyes, then sat down in the middle of the floor in front of Frenchie. Butcher was ready to get out the popcorn.
“Just give him a minute, cats need time to adjust to new spaces.” Hughie said.
“Well lookit, Hughie the cat guru.” Butcher snorted in amusement, making the other man frown.
There was a beat of silence as Homelander looked down at himself, then the group, and around the room again. He looked up at Frenchie, cute blue eyes staring up at him.
“Look!” Frenchie whispered in excitement. “I think he likes me.” He watched as Homelander sniffed his hand. “See? I tell you, he’s a good b-“ he was interrupted by Homelander jumping on his face and trying to bite into his eye.
“ Fuck-GET HIM OFF!” Frenchie yelled out as his hands weren’t able to pull off the cat who had a vice grip on his face, claws digging in. Terror started to bark in the chaos of Frenchie yelling. Everyone rushed in to try and help, Terrors collar being let go in the process. Kimiko grabbed Homelander by the scruff and ripped him off like a furry bandaid, making Frenchie let out a high-pitched yelp.
Homelander was able to slip out of her grip and land on the ground, speeding off like a bullet and Terror immediately gave chase, barking up a storm. “Christ!” Butcher huffed, Homelander jumped up onto a counter to try and escape the dog, paws knocking over everything in the process. He easily jumped his way to the couch, looking like he was aiming for a way out the sliding glass door, but then was grabbed up by Hughie.
His scruff was gripped, then was flipped onto his back as Hughie supported his butt. Homelander whimpered, eyes wide as his fur was puffed out with anxiety. Terror kept barking and trying to jump up uselessly to Homelander, Hughie nervously rocking him like a baby almost. “Sshh shh..” he still looked like the cat would laser him.
“Well look at you Hughie..” Butcher watched as the chaos was starting to dissipate, and Homelander was subdued yet again. “Yeah I uh, had a cat as a kid.” Hughie chuckled nervously.
Frenchie was still keeled over, hands over his face as Kimiko rubbed his back.
“..told you he’d eat your face, man.” MM had to get in a ‘I told you so’, getting shot a one-eyed glare by Frenchie. His face looked like an abstract painting from how many scratches Homelander got on him. “I got disinfectant, don’t worry.” MM reassured. “Non non I think I’ll…just go to a hospital..he got me good.” Frenchie sighed, embarrassed at how terribly that went.
“Take it you won’t be his forever home?” Butcher looked over, getting a middle finger in response as Frenchie and Kimiko headed out the door. Butcher stifled a laugh and then looked back at Homelander, who was being cradled now by Hughie. “Well, fucker. You remember me?” He smirked. Homelander looked at Butcher with an almost surprised expression, then his ears flattened as he shot a glare. He growled deeply then hissed, yowling now as if he could speak. If he could speak, it would be a tapestry of obscenity.
“Aw, knew you’d remember me.” Butcher snatched up Homelander by the scruff, but was careful enough to hold him a safe distance from his face. “Feel good being a pussycat? No powers or nothing? The simple life is what every celebrity wants.” He shook around the cat enough for it to be animal abuse. “Woah careful Butcher..” Hughie gulped at the sight of a poor little kitty being bullied.
“What, Hughie? It’s still Homelander inside, I don’t give a shit.” Butcher then looked back at Homelander, who was growling woozily. Terror was still focused on the cat, looking up at the new guest, still trying to jump up on Butcher for him.
“So MM, you sure you don’t want him? We could just shave him down so you don’t sneeze.” Butcher sighed.
“Don’t need to do all that.”
“Hughie..?” Butcher glanced back over at the nervous man.
“Oh. My apartment doesn’t allow animals.” Hughie rubbed the back of his neck. Well, great. Butcher will be stuck with Homelander, but will have fun torturing him as a new cat owner at least.
“Looks like you’re stuck with me, pussycat.” Butcher booped the pink nose, getting a hiss and angry swatting.