Archive of Our Own

Seungmin comes home one Thursday with his husband nowhere to be seen.

Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s still strange. Felix is a very homey person, and since his work schedule usually ends earlier than Seungmin’s (who’s oftentimes working overtime, not because he needs to, but because he’s too much of a perfectionist to leave without his work being more than polished), most of the time he’s welcoming Seungmin home with a tender smile and a kiss to the temple. He loves doing that.

And it’s moments like those that fill Seungmin’s heart to the brim. Make it beat harder, faster, nowhere near uncomfortable, just – a steady thump-thump-thump that helps remind him that life is worth living. That he's exactly where his younger self hoped to be one day.

That reminder isn’t really necessary, since he’s very content at the time and it's not often that he thinks of something that betrays that sentiment. But not sensing Felix’s presence immediately is… unusual.

“I’m home,” he still calls out loud, leaving his briefcase in the hanger, where he usually leaves it. Takes out his shoes and puts on the slippers, “Lixie?”

No response. Seungmin bites his lip, sniffing the air. Felix is at home, his smell isn’t so diluted as to indicate that he’s not at home. What’s more, it smells distressed.

Now that is worrying.

He goes to their bedroom, since that's the easiest place to look for him, and finds Felix face down on their bed, not crying but visibly upset. He’s nesting –unusual, too, since it’s nowhere near his heat, which just passed. He’s doing it for comfort.

“Felix, love, what’s wrong?” Seungmin asks in a soothing voice, sitting next to him and trying not to let his worry show through his scent. There can’t be two distressed omegas. Instead, he tries to release calming pheromones, and it seems to work to some extent when Felix actually takes his face out of the pillow (it’s Seungmin’s, he notices), and looks at him with a wobbling lower lip.

“It came out negative.” Felix says in a murmur. His voice is hoarse, and now that Seungmin has a better look at his face, he can see that his eyes are a bit swollen, betraying that he had cried.

He only takes a couple of seconds to process what he said and then, the realization hits Seungmin with disappointment, but he makes an effort not to let it show. His sigh he can’t help, sad at yet another unfavorable result. Before Felix’s eyes can start watering up again, he shuffles so he’s gathering Felix in his arms, who melts on his side, nose buried in his neck.

“It’s okay, baby. We can always keep trying.” He says, attempting to infuse his voice with mischief. It succeeds in stealing a small laugh from Felix.

“Pervert.”

Seungmin hums, not denying it. He’s starting to feel the itch to get out of his work clothes and change into a pair of sweatpants and his favorite hoodie, but that can wait –for now, he’s focused on making his husband feel better.

Felix drops a kiss to his neck. It tickles, but Seungmin returns the gesture, kissing his forehead. Felix’s scent isn’t as sour after that.

.

Seungmin meets Felix at his part-time job when he's in college.

Back then, he used to work part-time at the public library. Not his college’s, no, since that one is always awfully overcrowded and never silent enough for his liking. It's a little further than his college library, but it's alright with him. The atmosphere and nature of his job is more than enough to make up for it.

Felix comes up to the counter one day, stuttering the title of a book he's looking for, syllables heavy and tricky on his tongue. Seungmin immediately understands that he isn’t from here, not because of how he looks (looks can be deceiving, and telling someone’s origin through appearance alone is very shallow), but from the way he holds onto the strip of wrinkled paper in his fingers, where the book he's looking for is scribbled down in neat handwriting. Way too neat –as if the person that wrote it was only getting a hang on how hangeul worked.

Seungmin smiles, repeating the title for confirmation slow enough to be understood but not too slow as to sound condescending. Felix, who at the time is nothing but a stranger to him, nods in confirmation. When Seungmin tells him, still in Korean, where the book he is looking for is, he looks lost.

“Let me show you.” Seungmin says, a small smile firmly kept in his face, customer-service but not ungenuine. 

“Ah, um, please.” 

Seungmin guides him to the book, asking if he needs anything else. When Felix shakes his head no, he retreats back to the counter, where a woman is waiting for him to go back so she can borrow a book.

As he entertains himself with work, arranging books and registering whatever is either being returned or lent, he doesn't take notice of Felix for a while. It's only after he has nothing else to do that he takes a proper look at the tables, catching Felix, who has the book he previously helped him find next to another book, smaller in comparison, opened next to it. Probably a dictionary, since he keeps glancing at it every so often, as he scribbles down notes in a pace that can't be very efficient.

It's probably against what's advised, he shouldn’t be sticking his nose where people didn’t ask him to, but he leaves the counter to go look for another book. He knows the book Felix was using, and he knows, by experience, that there are alternatives easier to digest, so that’s what he does –go and take the book he favored during his Sociology class the previous semester, and get close to Felix in hopes of being helpful.

“Hey,” he says, voice level so as to not disturb the quietness of the library. Felix, surprised, still jolts, and Seungmin resists the urge to laugh, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I figured you’re taking Sociology now, right? I thought this book would be easier to read than the one you took.”

Felix blinks at the book Seungmin deposits next to him, looking like he’s still processing what he said. Seungmin waits for him patiently, hands behind his back and small smile still plastered on his face.

“Oh!” Felix exclaims a second after, hand on his mouth when he notices he was louder than intended. “Thanks. I didn’t know. This, uh, was the book the professor told us to…”

When Felix doesn’t finish, glancing helplessly at his dictionary, Seungmin nods, “I figured. I took the class last semester. If it’s with professor Kang then I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Felix flashes him a smile, thankful. Then, with a tilt of his head, he asks, “How did you know we went to the same college?”

Seungmin flushes at that. He didn’t, that was just an assumption he didn’t bother to process, and tells him exactly that, ashamed at supposing things without a strong basis. When Felix giggles, nervous energy subsiding, and Seungmin glances back at the counter. No people looking for him (there’s barely any people at the library, more like), which means he can stay a little longer talking with the cute customer.

“If you ever need help, you can ask me.” 

It’s smooth after that. Smoother than it’s ever been for Seungmin; Felix asks for his number, so he can ask if he ends up needing something and can’t come to the library to look for him, or if he's not working at the time, and Seungmin happily hands it. They become friends quickly after that.

Seungmin learns that Felix is from Australia, and that he came to Korea because his mother had to relocate for her job. Neither he nor his two sisters know a lot of Korean, since his parents thought they wouldn’t need it, and that’s why he’s struggling so much to go on with his day normally with his surface-level knowledge of the language.

He helps Felix whenever he can, speaking English with him whenever he’s overwhelmed with Korean, and helping translate for him when they’re out together or just studying in the dead times at his work. 

And then, liking Felix comes easy. He’s funny and cute, but has the mouth of a sailor and isn't ashamed to show it whenever they’re playing LoL or Overwatch with Jeongin.

Seungmin doesn’t know his subgender. By his looks alone, anyone could assume that he’s an omega (sunny smiles and pretty face, a body on the thinner side paired with plush thighs and soft skin), but Seungmin doesn’t get swayed by looks alone, since he is an omega that doesn’t really look like one. Sure, he’s soft-spoken, struggles with gaining muscle mass and is usually very patient, but he’s also taller than the average in omega men, has wide shoulders and can hold a grudge. Felix is very similar in that aspect; he’s shorter than Seungmin, but has a very toned abdomen. Has an almost ethereal face, but a deep voice that always takes people by surprise. A kind personality, but also mischievous and naughty, teasing people with a giddy grin that makes them unable to get mad or complain.

It’s not like he can say it by his scent, either. Scent-blockers are of common usage nowadays. He himself uses them. It’s not that he doesn’t like his subgender or wants to hide it for some reason, but he hates receiving unwanted commentary about how ‘he doesn’t look like an omega’ or being hit on by stupid alphas that only think with their knots. As far as he can tell, Felix uses them too.

But to be honest, his subgender doesn’t matter. Seungmin likes Felix for who he is, for his smiles and his freckles, his shrieks when they’re playing Overwatch and his character if facing yet another death, his cuddly nature that's even more marked than usual when they finish eating and he gets sleepy. 

He doesn’t confess. Not for a while, anyways. He likes where they are, is comfortable with it, even. 

.

One day, Felix goes to the library not at the usual time he tends to go, which is right after his last class has ended.  It’s almost the end of Seungmin’s shift, a Friday where he doesn’t have class, looking flushed and somewhat dazed as he stands in front of the counter.

It sends alarms all throughout Seungmin’s brain.  “Felix-ah? Are you okay?”

Felix nods, a lazy smile on his lips. “Yes, yes– it’s, eh, the pre-heat.”

He says it so easily it’s shocking. Heats and ruts aren’t a taboo, not anymore, but it’s not common to talk about them so openly. Or well, not in Korea. Perhaps it has to do more with the way he was raised, his place of origin, that makes it different for him.

“What are you doing here, then?” Seungmin frets. “It’s dangerous to be outside when you’re in pre-heat.”

Felix frowns. “Why? Are you one of those that think that omegas should keep to themselves during that time?” 

The response is unexpected, to put it lightly. Felix isn’t one to snap, not this seriously and not this quickly, but Seungmin guesses that it’s (in part) due to his heat starting soon, since it’s normal to feel more on edge when someone is in pre-rut or pre-heat. An hormonal thing that varies depending on the person, as usual.

He shakes his head. “No, of course not, but you might be feeling dizzy soon.” Every omega is different, but that’s how it is in Seungmin’s experience. “Accidents can happen.”

Once, Seungmin failed to notice his own pre-heat, back when he didn’t use to take suppressants (he was recently presented) and his cycles were irregular. He felt sluggish, then, but thought it was a cold or something like that, and was almost run over when he crossed the street carelessly, without checking if cars were passing before. Since that time, he’s been careful to keep his symptoms in check, but he also takes suppressants more often than not, and only has his heats when he can’t possibly avoid them any longer.

“What would you know?” Felix insists, visibly riled up. “I didn’t think you’d be telling me what to do or not do, Seungmin.”

Looking at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted up a second head and a third arm, Seungmin enunciates slowly, “I’m an omega too, Felix. That’s how it is for me, so I thought…”

Stunned, Felix gapes at him, his frown going from angry to ashamed. He looks down, a finger reaching for his pulse point in a gesture Seungmin knows comes from nervousness, and stays quiet for a moment.

He’s not mad, of course he’s not, he was only a little baffled by Felix’s reaction at his words. He understands where he’s coming, so he keeps calm and waits until he’s ready to speak.

“I’m sorry.” Felix mumbles, head still down. Seungmin glances at his watch –ten minutes until his shift is over. “I –I didn’t know…”

He sounds choked up, but Seungmin doesn’t want him to feel bad. He reaches for his face over the counter, thanking the lords that there’s no customers needing him at the moment, and raises Felix’s head with tentative fingers, so that their eyes meet.

“I never told you, did I? So it's okay. Go sit down for a moment. It’s almost the end of my shift, so when it’s over we can eat something and you can rest, alright?”

Felix nods, his cheek rubbing on Seungmin’s fingers as he does, and they tickle at the unintentional caress. He doesn’t step back until Seungmin takes his hand back, and when he does, he stares at Seungmin’s hand longingly before going to take a seat at one of the empty tables.

He finishes off his remaining tasks with ease, greeting his coworker with a smile when she shows up for her shift, and excuses himself hastily the second his shift is done. By then, Felix is slumping on the table, head resting on crossed arms, and he doesn’t look very comfortable, if the scrunch of his nose can be given an interpretation.

Touching his shoulder with a cautious nudge of his fingertips, he tries to get his attention, paired with a quiet call of his name. Felix opens his eyes, blinking a couple of times to focus, and straightens up in his seat.

“I think leaving my room today was a bad idea .” He groans, gripping onto Seungmin’s fingers before he can retract his hand. “I really want to lie down.”

“What did you come here for, anyways?” Seungmin asks, worried. Holds out his free hand to feel Felix’s forehead, trying to figure out if his temperature is anything above the normal. “You don’t have a fever, that’s goodl. Are you feeling particularly bad?”

Felix shakes his head, but leans into Seungmin’s touch. Oh, Seungmin thinks, he’s craving for contact.

It makes him feel hot in the face. Seungmin isn’t particularly cuddly or touchy, not even during his heats –they’re horrible, awkward and so fucking messy, and as such not an experience he particularly enjoys. He hasn’t had any heat partners yet, not very open to the idea of being seen in such a vulnerable situation, but he’s usually on suppressants anyways.

But Felix is touchy even on regular days. He’s always hooking his ankle with his when Seungmin sits down to study with him, and in the times in which they’ve gone to the cinema together, he never fails to take the seat’s armrest out of the way so he can cuddle Seungmin comfortably. 

(One time, he joked that it’s in case he gets scared, but so far they’ve never gone to watch horror movies, not even thrillers. He still doesn’t stop him from doing it.)

“Let’s take you back to your dorm, alright?”

Felix nods again, not seeming very interested in talking out loud. Seungmin can work with that; if Felix isn’t keen on talking and prefers to communicate through gestures, he’s sure it’ll be okay.

The way to Felix’s dorm is quiet, with him clinging to Seungmin’s arm for both his want to be close to someone and his unsteady feet. Seungmin is a bit surprised, because his pre-heat seems to be escalating quickly, he looks way more light-headed than when he first showed up at Seungmin’s work. And he still doesn’t know why he showed up in the first place.

Once there, he helps Felix drink some water and gets him in bed when he refuses a shower and food. By that time, he looks very spaced out, almost sleepy. When Seungmin asks if he’s feeling feverish or any kind of ache and he denies it, he sighs and decides that it’s time for him to go home.

Except that he doesn’t. Felix makes a distressed sound when Seungmin is starting to say goodbye, and asks if he has to go. Which technically he doesn’t; it’s a Friday, he doesn’t have any impending deadlines nor exams in the periphery, and he’s not particularly excited at going back to his dorm. Yet he doesn’t think he should stay. Felix is in a very defenseless position, and it’s only going downhill from here.

Hesitantly, he asks, only mildly fearing the answer, “How long would you want me to stay?”

What he’s really trying to ask is, do you want me here just until your heat starts or do you want me here until it ends?

Felix, dazed but not delirious, pouts, voice determined but not loud. “I went to the library because I wanted to ask you to… help me through it.”

Seungmin rarely blushes, but he feels his face grow warm by the invitation. He also feels giddy, to be thought of as a companion for Felix’s heat, but–

“Are you sure, Felix-ah?” He asks, stepping closer to where Felix is resting on his bed, not trying to get too close as to not invade Felix’s carefully arranged nest, but wanting to be near.

When he first stepped inside he was hit with Felix’s scent, not too sweet to be cloying, something like coconut and a hint of cinnamon, but still nice. He can’t catch the scent very well, a minor consequence of wearing scent blockers, but he finds it very pleasant. Here, at the foot of his bed, a place where he spends a lot of time sleeping and resting, and what’s more, at the borders of his nest , the scent is the strongest. 

Felix nods, wiggling to make space so that Seungmin can slip into his nest, next to him. His pout is firmly kept in place, big round eyes looking up at him pleadingly, and if Seungmin was any less stronger than he is, he’d be scrambling to make his every wish come true no matter what it took.

(He kind of is already, now that he thinks of it. Only not scrambling. He can do that with patience.)

Seungmin agrees, of course he agrees, but first changes into clean clothes. Felix’s clothes, of course, refusing to drag strange scents into Felix’s lovely nest, and feeling restless at the notion of going to bed with his day clothes. Felix looks positively delighted by that, getting out of his nest to rummage through his closet in search of the comfiest clothes he can find for him. 

He rushes to the bathroom to wash off his scent blockers, and insists on scenting the clothes for Seungmin before he wears them. That makes him feel shy, unused to the intimacy of someone scenting him that’s not his parents or Jeongin, who has a pass solely for being his childhood best friend.

Then, he remembers that he agreed to spend Felix’s heat with him, and his belly feels tense with anticipation.

Seungmin isn’t a virgin. He may not have a vast experience when it comes to sex, but he’s not a complete stranger to it, although he’s not particularly interested in it. It’s good, sure, but he’s not like other people who actively look for it or find it an important aspect of their lives. Even so, he’s had a crush on Felix for a while, and although helping someone through their heat or their rut isn’t inherently romantic, he hopes in this case it is.

Felix refuses to sleep, clinging onto Seungmin as soon as they’re both resting in his nest. They make light conversation, Felix tells him that he does take suppressants usually, but the stress from moving from one country to another and struggling with the language made him forget that he absolutely needed to go through this one and that’s why he forgot to ask him beforehand. Seungmin shares with him that time he almost got run over due to his preheat and says that he’s never spent his heat with anyone before.

“I haven’t, either.” Felix mumbles against his collarbone.

Seungmin blinks down at him, glad to not be averse to physical contact like Jeongin pretends he is because at that point, Felix had turned into a very cute leech, sticking to his side and refusing to let go (although it's not like he's asked). “And you chose me?”

Felix giggles. “Of course. I trust you.”

His heart flutters, butterfly wings flapping inside his ribcage. “Even if you didn’t know my subgender?”

“Hmm, it doesn’t matter. As long as you weren’t an asshole.” He pauses, remembering something. “Oh, but I was the asshole, fuck. I’m sorry Minnie, I was being too sensitive.”

Seungmin laughs. “You weren’t, don’t worry. It took me by surprise, that’s all. You looked like you were more than ready to start a fight.”

“And at the library, too.” Felix gasps, mortified. “Would you’ve thrown the encyclopedias at me?”

Seungmin nods, not serious in the slightest. “A table too if I was feeling daring enough.”

Felix giggles again, knowing fully well that Seungmin’s thin arms may be able to carry multiple hardcover books in them, but in no way one of the weighty wooden tables from his workplace. 

They keep talking, wrapped around each other, until Felix falls asleep. By that moment it’s already past ten, and Seungmin sneaks an arm to Felix’s nightstand, where his phone is resting, just to shoot a text at his roommate so that his absence isn’t worrying. Then, he concentrates on taking his job as Felix’s glorified pillow seriously, and wraps both arms around him before drifting off to sleep, too.

Felix’s heat doesn’t hit him until mid-afternoon the following day. They have enough time before it starts to have a light breakfast and take a bath, and Seungmin makes a quick trip to the store to buy snacks that Felix can have between waves. He decides against using scent blockers after waking up to Felix nosing at his neck with a pleased purr, and by the time Felix’s heat starts, they’re both as ready as they can be for it, several bottles of water close to the bed for when they inevitably get thirsty.

It’s good, not as frantic as one would’ve thought their first time helping someone that’s not them through a heat would be. Felix whines, needy, into Seungmin’s ears, and groans against his skin when that’s what feels best. Seungmin very clearly lacks a knot, but Felix doesn’t care about that, content to be filled with his cock, his fingers, and even spills once or twice from Seungmin eating him out enthusiastically. 

Seungmin takes care of him for the three days that it lasts. Runs a bath for them when they’re both covered in fluids, spit and cum and slick, and fingers Felix unhurriedly with the excuse of cleaning him. Kisses him when he sighs, content, against his lips, sated for the time being, and then they go back to his nest to rinse and repeat.

At some point, when his heat stops being as intense but still not close to its end, he offers for Felix to fuck him instead. As Seungmin wasn’t in heat himself, he was starting to struggle with keeping Felix’s pace, and suggests it uncaring about if it’s unconventional or not. 

To his surprise, Felix looks eager at the proposition, and fucks Seungmin to the point of tears. It’s good. It’s excellent, easily the best he’s been fucked, and Felix looks more than proud to be told so. 

By the end of it, both are sore and exhausted, but Seungmin feels elated after the three days that he spent holed up in Felix’s nest, sated and giddy. It was totally worth skipping classes that Monday.

Then, not very surprisingly, Felix asks him out on an actual date the day after his heat ends.

.

It was… not hard, but tricky, at first. Being a couple of omegas that didn’t have the intention of just fooling around, like so many people had said, until they found an ‘actual partner’ (whatever the fuck that meant). Every single time Felix would huff at the sheer audacity people had to say that to their faces, and Seungmin would offer a very passive-aggressive response in return.

That didn’t deter them in the slightest. They spent their heats together, met the other’s parents, and eventually moved in together. Made their intentions very clear once they started living together, discussed marriage and other various serious topics that couples have to talk about when committing to each other.

And then, the topic about kids was brought up.

Seungmin wanted pups, he knew that. People were usually surprised by that, saying that he didn’t seem like it, but he didn’t take it to heart. He liked kids, he found them cute and had always wanted a younger brother to dote on, which eventually turned into wanting to raise kids of his own. And Felix wanted pups, too; he was overjoyed when Seungmin shared his thoughts on having kids and said that he always dreamed of a big, happy family, and that he was excited to make that a reality with Seungmin by his side.

It wasn’t a surprise when, two years after they graduated from college, after being together for four years, they got married.

.

A thing they both learned soon after getting married was that there was an obstacle that was keeping them from having a baby which, sadly, had a lot to do with their subgenders.

Being a male omega meant that they could get pregnant, but also that, on rare occasions, they could get another person pregnant. Lots of doctor appointments and talk about fertility treatments helped them understand it better; male omegas usually had a lower sperm count than that of betas and much lower than that of alphas. It didn’t mean that getting someone pregnant was impossible, just a tad harder.

Sadly, fertility treatments were very expensive. As they were checking options, they decided to start saving for it if trying to conceive naturally didn’t work after some time, and to try and take it easy. Having a pup was neither an obligation nor a must, and it wouldn’t be done on a whim either, so patience was important. Besides, they were very busy with work at the time. Seungmin barely more than a year working in HR at a small company, and Felix taking a job at an elementary school as the psychologist’s assistant.

Which brings them here, two years after. Seungmin has to admit that he’s starting to feel uneasy at Felix’s distress for yet another negative pregnancy test, for he’s been a lot more absorbed by his desire for getting pregnant recently. 

He only started to notice after finding Felix nesting on their bed after crying over the single pink line on the pregnancy test Seungmin found in their bathroom’s trash can, and it's –concerning, at minimum. 

It’s not that it’s Felix who has to get pregnant, to begin with, and that they agreed on since the start. They weren’t fixated on who had which role in bed, and liked to switch their positions as they pleased, something Seungmin loved. 

But now that Seungmin thinks about it, it’s been a long while since the last time he bottomed, Felix insistent on being the one getting fucked. It’s not that he particularly minds, but taking into account the way he broke down crying (he knows he did, it doesn’t matter that he wasn’t here to see it happen) the other day, it’s starting to look suspicious.

He decides to mention it after dinner one day, when Felix is too busy kissing him to let him do the dishes.

“Now that I think about it.” Seungmin says, breathy. “It’s– it’s been a while since you last fucked me.” He gasps when Felix mouths at his scent gland, his unmasked scent smelling thickly of arousal in the privacy of their house, where scent blockers are a rarity. “So, what do you think?”

Felix pauses, still sitting on Seungmin’s lap. His expression vacillates for a fraction of a second before he smirks, kissing him square on the mouth. “Needy, aren’t you?” He giggles, but gets up from his lap to gather the dishes. “Mmm, let me take care of the dishes and we’ll see.”

Seungmin sighs, disappointed at not having Felix on top of him anymore. “But it was my turn today?”

“Take it as a treat.” 

In the end, Felix says that he’s no longer in the mood, and that he’s sleepy so maybe later. It has alarms ringing in his brain, but he refuses to conclude anything from it just yet.

He can’t deny he’s more attentive now, though. He notices Felix’s gaze trailing longingly at every pregnant person he sees when they go grocery shopping, his twinkling eyes every time he mentions something one of the kids at his school has done –not unhappy, but not happy either. An unfamiliar glint, a strange emotion behind his words, his attitude.

It’s after one too many times of Felix making up an excuse not to fuck him that he decides to address the matter properly.

“What’s wrong, Lix-ah?” He asks, apprehensive, at Felix’s strained laugh after saying that he doesn’t think he has the energy to fuck him that night. “You’ve been making excuses every time I bring it up. What’s gotten into you, love?”

“What are you talking about, Minnie?” Felix asks, trying to look innocent at the accusation. It doesn’t work, mostly because Felix is a very bad liar. “You just have bad timing, I swear.”

“It’s not that.” Seungmin insists. “Whenever things start getting heated up, you’re excited, and then when I suggest that you’re the one on top you stop and backtrack.”

Felix looks nervous, but that only lasts a second before he steels his face in something sterner, almost angry, and declares, “So you’re mad because I’m not fucking you? What’s this, Seungmin, am I obliged to fuck you because you want me to, regardless of my opinion?”

That’s –quite a harsh conclusion. He goes over his words to try and understand what gave him that idea, and quickly tries to clear it up, lest it gets out of hand.

“It’s not about that, you know it. If you don’t want to, you know very well that I’d never force you, and never had.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like it now.” Felix huffs. 

The distrust sends a pang of hurt through his chest, an uncomfortable sting in the pit of his stomach. They’ve been together for years, and in that time it’s never been like this. Sure, they’ve had their fights; Felix sometimes has rather harsh mood changes, but he always apologizes quickly and Seungmin never stays mad for long. They both appreciate clearing things up, sooner rather than later, but this…

The implication is not nice in the slightest. 

“That’s not fair, Felix.” Seungmin mumbles, his voice not wavering but he can feel himself a bit numb. Like he’s underwater. “I only want to know what’s wrong. Did I do something to you?”

“You’re doing it now.” Felix grumbles, getting up from their bed. They were supposed to go to sleep after the day, when Felix, as he’s done recently, started kissing him with the very clear intention of riling him up, retracting after Seungmin’s offer to bottom that night. “Stop being so insistent.”

“Then tell me the truth! I’ll stop then.”

“I’m telling you that there’s nothing to tell! Now you don’t trust me?”

This is going nowhere, and Seungmin only feels more hurt the more Felix says. He knows that he must not mean it, that he’s pissed off for some reason, but he can’t help but start feeling annoyed too.

He doesn’t understand why he’s so adamant on denying it.

“And do you trust me, Felix?” 

Felix visibly deflates, his eyes trembling in hesitation before he gives him his back. “Do I trust you?”

Feeling the sudden urge to throw up, Seungmin leaves the bed too, taking his pillow with him as he passes Felix on his way to the door. “I’ll sleep in the living room. We’ll talk about this later.” He mumbles, refusing to entertain a conversation he knows will only end hurting them both more.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Felix insists, still not looking at him.

Seungmin doesn’t say anything more, opening the door to their bedroom and closing it behind him. Goes to lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling and feeling infinitely lonely now that he doesn’t have his husband’s warmth by his side, stomach queasy from the stress, crushed down by the smell of his own scent.

Felix doesn’t go to look for him. The next day, he leaves before Seungmin is even awake.

.

Seungmin isn’t stupid. 

Back when they first visited their doctor to start discussing the possibility of having a pup and looking for an expert’s input in the matter, she offered to have them take a sperm count test, to see if that could be an impeding factor.

Seungmin’s sperm count turned out to be slightly higher than Felix’s, but their doctor assured them that the difference wasn’t significant and said that in the end the both of them had the normal for a male omega, so, they were bound to have difficulties conceiving. At least compared to what it’d be like if one of them were to be an alpha or a beta, since both of their wombs and eggs were fine and there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary about that part of their reproductive systems.

At the time they brushed it off and declined their doctor’s offer to start trying out a fertility method that involved medicines. Said that they weren’t in a rush. It was true, back then. Besides, it often meant side effects that were on the negative side, and they had their doubts at trying them because of that.

But Seungmin is almost sure that Felix is set on getting pregnant due to that information. Or well, on being the one getting fucked, since it must’ve translated into his brain that it meant higher chances. Technically, it did, but the chance of succeeding was essentially the same, and nearly zero out of his heat.

He gives Felix time, though, a whole day and a half to cool down. Tries to convince himself that it’ll all be alright, that Felix’s obsession with a kid, as bordering on unhealthy as it may be, could be worked on. By them both.

He works overtime the day after their fight and texts Felix saying that he’ll be having dinner with his boss after he invites the whole departament for dinner and drinks, and the text is seen but not replied to. When he gets home, tipsy and drained from pulling extra hours, he only manages to take off his jacket and pants before collapsing on the couch, where his pillow stayed, exactly where he left it in the morning.

The following morning he feels gross at having gone to bed without washing off properly, but the thought loses much weight when he notices that Felix isn’t in the house that morning either. 

He’s unable to take a bath that morning because if he does, he’s gonna be late for work, but he doesn’t feel too gross. 

After work that day he finds Felix in the kitchen. Slowly as to not startle him, he greets him with a soft voice, and Felix greets him back. It’s an advance.

“I’m making dinner.” Felix says stiffly. His back is tense, but he doesn’t sound angry anymore.

“Thanks, love.” Seungmin says, the petname slipping past his lips easily. “Do you need help?”

Felix shakes his head. “No, you go take a shower. God knows you must have thrown a tantrum in the morning after waking up.”

It’s very close to what happened, so Seungmin grins and agrees, taking a quick shower and feeling more relaxed than he’s felt in a while. He’s feeling positive about the day, determined to talk it out with Felix, even thinking about offering to start on the fertility treatment if that’ll somehow help to dwindle his growing concerns. 

Dinner goes quickly, neither of them talking much. Then, when they’re done and Felix is about to gather the dishes, Seungmin stops him, calm but with a hopefully well hidden tenseness under his skin.

“I think we need to talk, Lix.” 

Felix sighs, plopping down onto the chair again. Nods slowly, almost reluctantly, and waits for Seungmin to start talking.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything yesterday.” He starts with, because that’s important and he can’t have Felix thinking otherwise. “If you don’t want to fuck me ever again, I’ll accept it. If you don’t want me to fuck you ever again, that’s okay, too. I’ll never force you into anything, okay?” He pauses, gaze trained on Felix’s face, and adds, “Not sex, and not a pup. You have to know that.”

“I know.” Felix mumbles. “I– I didn’t mean anything of what I said yesterday. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive when you were just worried.”

“I’m still worried, love.” Seungmin says, moving the dishes to the side so he can hold Felix’s hand on top of the table. “I fear that… that you’re getting too preoccupied with the idea of a pup to the point in which it’s hurting you. Us.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Felix admits, starting to tear up. “But I’m –it’s so frustrating, Min. We’ve been trying for two years and – and, still nothing. I knew it was hard, but I really want to have a baby, and every time I see another negative on the tests I feel even more desperate. Then I see people at work getting pregnant and –it’s so ugly, but I feel envious.”  

The realization hits Seungmin like a train. It’s because he is an omega that Felix is struggling so much, and going through so much despair. It breaks his heart, and he swallows past the lump in his throat before he talks again, against his better judgment.

(People usually call him rational. He doesn’t call himself that, not when he’d be ready to risk everything if it meant making his husband happy.)

“I’m so sorry, Lix. It’s because I’m an omega, too.” It hurts him infinitely to say it, but he still holds his breath so that his voice doesn’t tremble and continues, “I… I’ll understand if you don’t… if you don’t want to be with me anymore because of that.”

It hurts. It burns. It’s painful, and heartbreaking, to say it, but it’s even worse seeing the way Felix’s face falls, the way he starts sobbing fully. The way his scent sours, miserable. Every single cell of his screams not to say it, but he has to.

“Don’t ever say that!” He exclaims, taking both hands to his face to wipe out the tears that don’t stop falling. “There’s no one else I’d want to be with, Seungmin-ah. Nobody. If I’m not having a family with you, then I’m not having a family at all. You’re… you’re already my family.”

“But I don’t want to see you unhappy.” Seungmin claims, because it’s the truth. “And this is unhealthy. I don’t want to come home to you crying because of it, because I can’t get you pregnant, and even with fertility treatment you know it won’t be easy. I love you so much, but I'm not making you happy right now."

"I don't care about that. I don't care about anything. I just want you. Besides," Felix says through sobs, his attempts at wiping his tears futile, "isn't the same for you? I can't –I can't get you pregnant either. I'm equally sorry."

Seungmin caves in to his instincts, everything inside him screaming to go console his husband, his mate, never completely mated but the forever companion he and his omega chose. He gets on his feet and takes Felix into his arms, hugging him tightly, burying his face in his hair and doing his best not to cry.

"We can always adopt, alright? There's no rush, love. We're still young, there's still time."

Felix nods, and spends another couple of minutes crying into his neck, until that too dies down and all that's coming from him are sniffles. Seungmin holds him all the while, rocking him back and forth gently, ignoring the couple of tears that escape his eyes too.

Felix doesn't talk until his breath has evened out.

"You're right. I'm sorry for worrying you. I don't know what got onto me –why I got so obsessed with the idea of having a kid. It's not like I particularly want to be pregnant instead of getting you pregnant, either, but… I guess I got too deep in my own head."

"Hmm, although I think that you'd look very lovely pregnant." Seungmin says, voice lighthearted. "We'll talk about it later, okay? For now, what about we go to bed? The dishes can wait, too."

"Wow." Felix breathes, sounding amused. "I can't believe it was serious enough that you're willing to leave house chores unfinished before sleeping."

Seungmin rolls his eyes, even if he knows that Felix can't see it. "Yeah, yeah, so you better take advantage of it before I change my mind."

Sleeping with Felix embracing him tenderly feels like a breath of fresh air after being submitted to the heaviest of gasses for months. Two days of not sleeping with his comforting warmth glued to his side, with his habit of hogging the blankets in the middle of the night and his strange mumbling in English do that to him, apparently. 

The next morning they sleep in, still embracing each other. They kiss lazily, sleep still clinging stubbornly to their eyes, and make love tenderly, not like a means to an end (having a pup), but because they can't resist displaying their love in the most primal and loving ways they can conjure.

"I don't want to start the treatment." Felix says when they're in the bath together. "I think I need to… chill out, I guess, so I don't start to obsess over the idea again. And I did miss being inside you."

Seungmin laughs, airy and giddy. "Oh, is that a promise?"

Felix nips at his neck playfully. "You can be sure of it."

.

Seungmin's heat hits him unexpectedly a week later. It wasn't supposed to happen until another month and a half, since his and Felix's cycles synced up slowly over time. His last heat was another month and a half ago, a day before Felix's, and they both find it very odd that it's coming earlier and without pre-heat serving as notice, but Seungmin inferes it must be due to the stress he went through for those weeks Felix refused to talk with him.

This time, he focuses on enjoying it. Relishes in Felix's touch and is more than embarrassed by how needy he feels, by the way he clenches around Felix's cock and begs and begs for him to go harder, deeper –doesn't resist jumping him at any given opportunity and unabashedly asks for more. Felix, always content to give, of course delivers and satisfies his every need, fills him up again and again and sucks him off when he's too tired to fuck him again. 

This time Seungmin is too worked up to fuck Felix satisfyingly, but he still does a couple of times. His heat lasts two days, one day less than it usually does, but is harder and more frenzied than normal. 

He doesn't think anything of it when it ends. He and Felix go back to how it was before Seungmin noticed Felix's fixation with a pup; he gets home to Felix welcoming him with a hug, a kiss or a full out make out session, helps him cook dinner whenever he's allowed in the kitchen or brings take out in the days in which Felix isn't in the mood to cook (which is very often). 

They start considering adopting a pet, Seungmin's wish for a dog never quite gone, and Felix smiles happily when he starts thinking about the two of them with a puppy. Jokes about it being Seungmin's own kind and, as such, his baby.

Weeks pass. They're more than alright, they love each other fiercely still, and shortly before Felix's heat is supposed to start, Seungmin catches something.

Probably a stomach bug. His boss, Changbin, had been feeling unwell for a couple of days too, often retreating early to his house after feeling nausea, and since they often have lunch out of the office together it'd make sense. He brushes off Felix's worries and promises that it's nothing, only takes a pill of diphenidol to lessen the symptoms and kisses his temple to keep him from worrying too much.

Then, at work, he decides to question Changbin about it. 

"Hyung, you've been feeling unwell too, right?" He asks after greeting him good morning. "Do you know if it's something we ate?"

Changbin looks confused for a second before he's grinning, bashful. "Ah, I guess I can tell you. Keep it a secret, okay? I'm not sick, Seungmin-ah.”He whispers, as if in secrecy, “I'm pregnant, that's why I've been a bit under the weather lately."

"Pregnant?" Seungmin repeats, widening his eyes in surprise. "Oh my– congrats, hyung! Oh, I'm so happy for you." He says, excited, and hugs him tightly. "How far are you?"

"Two months and a half. I was waiting until the second trimester to announce it, but I trust you not to tell anyone."

Two months and a half. Seungmin starts thinking hard, counting the days mentally, and realizes it's been a month and a half since his heat, too. Feels his heart start beating faster, but refuses to get his hopes up, and when Changbin stares inquisitively at him, he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Is everything okay, Seungmin-ah? You went quiet suddenly."

Seungmin blinks at his boss, biting his lip. "Hyung, do you think I could leave early? I just realized something and… I kind of want to confirm it before my husband gets home."

Changbin, who's not dumb by any means and has worked hard to get to where he is at his young age, of course notices. Gasps softly, takes a step back and assesses him with knowing eyes.

"Did you say you felt unwell?" He says, recalling what Seungmin first asked him. "Do you think you could be…"

"I– don't. Not sure. But I had my heat about a month and some ago so-"

"I see." Changbin says, nodding. "Of course you can go. Take a sick leave."

"Thanks a lot, hyung. And congrats again. I'm really happy for you." Seungmin says, relieved. 

Changbin pats him on the back, grinning. "Just leave, puppy. Keep me updated, okay?"

Seungmin buys at least 5 different pregnancy tests, some fancier than others, but he doesn't really count them. The cashier, an old woman, sees his most probably hysteric state, and offers a sweet smile in reassurance. Seungmin pays, thanks her and goes back home.

His hurried state doesn't mean that he doesn't read every instructions manual on the pregnancy tests, but that's mostly done so that he doesn't combust spontaneously from the nerves he's feeling. He follows the necessary steps to a T, even if they're the exact same for all tests, and the wait until they can show the results is agonizing.  

And then, at long last, he glances at them. Positive, all of them. 

Felix leaves work at 2, his working hours shorter than his own since he works at a school. It's very early though, since he had been at work for barely thirty minutes before retiring, so he has time to panic and cry a little in the quiet of his bathroom, overwhelmed by the news. He's pregnant! They're having a baby, oh lord. It’s a shock, even more so now that they’d decided to stop trying actively to have a pup.

The happiness that fills him feels like it’s an undercurrent, flowing under his skin and leaving him full of emotions he can’t process. He doesn't know, he can't think very well beyond the image in his mind of him, Felix, and a tiny version of them cradled in their arms.

It's devastating, in the best way.

Once he manages to calm down and breathe , he cleans the bathroom and hides the pregnancy tests in his briefcase, after washing them thoroughly. Only then he starts thinking how to crack the news, how to tell Felix that it's happening.

Changbin calls him a couple of hours later, while Seungmin is engrossed in the house chores to keep himself distracted somehow. He picks up, because Changbin isn't only his boss but a great friend too, and notices the barely contained curiosity in his voice after he greets him and asks how everything went.

"I'm pregnant, hyung." He says, and he can't believe it still. He sounds awed even to his own ears, and saying it out loud is –foreign. "It feels unreal."

Changbin chuckles. "I felt that way too."

"I don't know how to tell my husband." He confesses. "Oh lord, I think he's going to faint when he knows."

"Oh! Jisungie totally fainted." Changbin shares, merrily. "Does your husband like surprises? Or would he rather be told without a fuss?"

Felix loves surprises. For their anniversaries, he's always going above and beyond, making every single time special and cheerful. The sole thought warms his heart, and he tells Changbin that about his husband, who hums.

"You should prepare a meaningful gesture, then."

Seungmin agrees.

.

Some days pass while he's figuring out how to tell Felix. He doesn't want to keep it a secret, but he's overthinking it at that point.

Felix's heat doesn't come that time, which isn't surprising (not to Seungmin). They're not officially mated solely because they're both omegas and as such, are unable to mate, but their omegas share a bond deeper than any other bond they have with anyone else. Seungmin's ongoing theory is that Felix's heat doesn't come because of Seungmin's current state, his omega very sensitive to the changes Seungmin's going through and prioritizing being able to take care of him if need be. So, instincts, once again..

His husband is concerned, because his heats aren't irregular and haven’t been ever since they stopped using suppressants. Seungmin says that, just like it happened to him, maybe it had been altered by the stress of those months ago, and Felix looks doubtful but shrugs.

In the end, Seungmin goes for a very simple idea that he hopes Felix finds cute. He orders a customized mug which says "Surprise! We're having a baby!" at the bottom, and brings takeout that day so Felix doesn't get close to the kitchen and he can serve orange juice in the mug without spoiling the surprise.

"Where did that mug come from?" Felix asks as soon as they sit down to have dinner. "I don't think I've seen it before?"

"I bought it from a street vendor on the way home." He says easily, gesturing at his own cup. "They came as a set."

The mugs have matching flowers drawn on them. Seungmin's a daisy, Felix's a sunflower. Both have the same inscription at the bottom, so that it doesn't matter which one Felix chooses, he's still getting the surprise.

"They're cute." He says, starting to eat. "Did your stomach bug finally go away?"

Not exactly, but Seungmin has been masking his morning sickness to the best of his ability. "I think so? I told you it was nothing."

"I'm glad." Felix says, taking a sip of the juice. Seungmin feels restless, wanting Felix to drink faster so he knows.  

"My immune system isn't that weak, love." Seungmin grins.

"You say that, but last year you had a cold one week and the next you were getting food poisoning and being bedridden for a week straight, remember?" Felix says, amused. "And then, after that, you sprained your ankle."

"My ankle had nothing to do with my immune system, though."

"Still." Felix says, laughing. Takes another bite of food, drinks more juice. "Maybe we should go to the doctor soon."

"Oh? What for?" Seungmin asks, curious. He already made an appointment at the clinic for very obvious reasons, but he wants to know Felix's motives.

"My heat still hasn't arrived. It's odd, you know." A bite of food. Another sip.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. How much juice do you have? Should I get you more?"

Felix glances down at his mug, blinking when he notices the smudge of black barely noticeable now that the volume of juice is less than it was before. He frowns, inclining the mug to see better, probably thinking that it's dirty or that there is something in the juice (as if Seungmin would've allowed it), only for his eyes to grow bigger as he realizes they’re words.

He drinks the rest of the beverage in a hurry, and Seungmin fears for a second that he's gonna choke on it. His heart is beating too fast and he can feel it in his ears, though, so he doesn't say anything, too tense to blink.

As Felix empties his mug, and as the words become legible, he stares at them for a moment that feels like an eternity. Seungmin reaches for one of the pregnancy tests he learned that gave one of the most accurate results, nestled inside his pocket, and drops it gently in front of Felix.

"Surprise." He says, voice barely above a whisper. Felix finally looks up at him, still stunned. "We're having a baby."

.

Felix, needless to say, cries. Again. This time of happiness, and kisses him and makes love to him once again. Insists that it was the power of love that got him pregnant, and ignores the roll of eyes Seungmin gives him in response.

The following months are a daze. His husband pampers him to death, almost always nesting with him, their instincts coming to agree about maximizing the comfort for Seungmin. He's incredibly horny, too, and it's always trying to touch him in not so very innocent ways, fucking him or asking to be fucked or sometimes just wanting to suck him off and pleasure him in any way possible. He's also very enthusiastic about eating him out, and Seungmin can't complain –Felix doesn't finger him often, since his fingers are small and he says that that can't possibly be pleasurable (it is, Seungmin loves his hands), but his mouth on his entrance is a blessing and a curse at the same time. He always unravels embarrassingly fast.

"You're a menace." Seungmin huffs against the pillow one morning, when they wake up only to immediately start kissing, Felix's morning wood poking him on the back. "How are you so horny?"

"I love you." Felix says as an explanation. "You're hot, you're beautiful, and I love watching you round with our pup. It drives me crazy." He says, deep and hoarse voice making him tremble and leak into his pajama pants. Okay, so maybe Felix isn’t the only one perpetually horny. His husband noses at his neck, licking his scent gland. "God, I want you so much."

"You have me." Seungmin pants, pushing back against Felix's cock, feeling the need to have him in him now. "Come on, love."

Felix's excitement and attraction towards his pregnant state doesn't go unnoticed, but he doesn't mention it. He's too busy feeling as Felix gets him out of his pants, taking his own boxers out so that he can fuck into him just like that, spooning him, raising one of Seungmin's legs with a hand while he slips into his wet heat. 

It steals a moan out of Seungmin, who accommodates Felix's length with ease, but is immediately hungry for more.

Seungmin loves feeling full. He loves feeling Felix's velvety walls against his dick too, but the pleasure he feels right now is incomparable. As much as he loves the feeling of being filled, he admits he hates knots, hates being stuck for long minutes and unable to move, so there’s nothing better than his husband’s dick, which fills him perfectly and in the way he likes it the most. 

He rocks back gently when Felix doesn't seem very interested in moving by himself, very focused on sucking marks on Seungmin neck and shoulders. Felix groans, unhappy at being distracted from his very important activity at hand, and thrusts into him sharply, hitting his prostate dead-on, making him scream his name.

It's unhurried but everything feels extremely sensitive since they just roused from sleep. It isn't long until Seungmin feels his climax approaching, and he urges Felix to go faster, but he denies his wordless request, whispering praises in his ear and caressing his baby bump lovingly.

He feels so full, full, full –of love, of Felix, is overwhelming. Every drag of his cock sends sparks flying up his spine, have him babbling broken whines and strings of ah-ah-ah' s, and his legs start trembling the closer he is to coming. He’s a bit surprised Felix hasn’t dropped his leg from how hard he’s trembling. 

Felix's pounding stutters after Seungmin clenches on his length, wanting to feel all of him, every inch and every drag, and only then he decides to thrust harder, sharper –but not any faster.

"Felix, Felix, I'm – ah! I'm so clo- so close." Seungmin moans, his voice airy and high. 

"Then come, love." Felix says, biting right over his scent gland –exactly where a mating mark would be. His low groans only adding to Seungmin’s pleasure.

He comes like that, clenching around Felix, who lasts only a couple more thrusts until he too is spilling into him, moaning into his neck. Seungmin feels boneless on the bed, sleepy yet again, but makes a sound of displeasure when Felix pulls out and reaches for the wet tissues they keep on their nightstand.

He cleans him, knowing that Seungmin starts feeling uncomfortable at the mess and fluids very soon. Cleans the cum out of him, a sad sigh when Seungmin denies his offer to eat him out, and does his best to clean Seungmin's cum from the blankets.

"Don't bother, we'll have to change the covers, love." Seungmin mumbles, sleepy. Felix recognizes that and goes back to hug him from behind, arm protectively around his waist and resting on his tummy. 

"After we sleep some more." Felix says. Seungmin can't deny his offer.

He feels so, so content.

.

Felix refuses to let go of his hand when he's giving birth. Not that Seungmin wants him to –the whole affair is painful and it feels like it stretches for an eternity before finally, a sharp cry is resonating through the room, and then they're meeting their baby.

It's a boy. He’s so small in their arms and looks so fragile, tiny lungs working overtime as he wails. Seungmin and Felix cry rivers, and Seungmin loves him with his whole soul. He can't believe they made him.

He knows he'd give his life for him, and he's sure Felix shares the sentiment. They kiss, happy but not crying anymore, and Seungmin is given a moment to rest when the nurses take their pup to clean him and perform the required check ups.

"I love you, Lix." Seungmin says, squeezing his husband's hand gently, nothing like the fierce way he gripped it when he was in labor. "Always."

"I love you too, Minnie. And I would've still loved you even without kids, but –I think I'm the happiest man alive." He says, with a wide smile and shining eyes. Seungmin giggles.

"I hope we're not competing about the title."

He really hopes so, because he’s sure there’d be no winner –a small certainty that’s promptly forgotten when Felix dips down and kisses him.