Chapter Text
“You know,” Nino grins, “if you need advice on being a big brother in a year or two I’m sure I could help.”
The bottom of Adrien’s stomach dropped out.
Alya elbowed her boyfriend and, after offering her look of pure affection Adrien could only hope that he could equal when looking at Marinette everyday, Nino added, “or you know Alya could too. Hey, she’s twice the big sibling I am.”
“Mathematically.” She laughed, “But Nino’s more patient than I am. I swear sometimes he’s a genius with Chris.”
“The little man appreciates music,” Nino shrugged, “I can’t pretend it’s any special talent of mine. I don’t have Alya’s patience.”
“Oh please,” she looked about to continue.
But that building hollowness in Adrien suddenly burst at his friend’s domesticity, “you think my father and Nathalie might have,” his words felt blocked by an obstruction in his throat, but he choked out, “c- children?”
“Um.” Nino re-adjusted his hat, “I mean. I guess so dude. They’re getting married right? So….you know.”
“No. I don’t know,” quite apart from the fact that whatever they did in private was the sort of thing he’d prefer to them keep private, somehow the fact that his father and Nathalie were in love and were getting married and the three of them were painstakingly trying to be a family again had never actually made him consider that they might try for children together.
That…kind of had been the last thing on his mind as his family had slowly, painfully, and cautiously tried to put things back together.
Only his friends didn’t know all of that. Or. Well. Nino definitely didn’t. Alya he wasn’t so sure about but he thought she probably didn’t given he couldn’t see her hiding the grudge she had against his father if she knew.
As for his girlfriend. However much he might sometimes look at his lady and best friend and wonder because they seemed too similar well….they couldn’t be one person because Marinette never would have gone through everything with him and his father and not told him. And Ladybug never would have invited him to her wonderful warm home after school and kissed him behind the closed trapdoor of her room and then turned up on patrol the next night like none of it had happened.
He realised uncomfortably that his friends were staring at him. That while he’d got carried away thinking an awkward silence had stretched on.
It was one of those things he’d never quite got right.
On modelling sets they thought he was fantastic so long as he posed to order, and at the parties his parents had used to take him to people have looked down at him holding his mother’s hand and told him he was so mature.
But at school Adrien often sometimes thought there was something missing in him, and just like at home he had to present a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect boyfriend to keep up, and he was failing again because they were looking at him like he had a second head and he didn’t know what to say.
Marinette awkwardly raised her hand as if she thought she had to break the facts of life to him and he shook his one actually existing head. That definitely wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. Especially not with his girlfriend when they were so not ready to be thinking about that sort of thing.
And also having had Nathalie give him that talk was bad enough. He really didn’t want to think about how it pertained to her and his father.
So he rushed to clarify, “and I don’t want to know.”
Nino hurriedly agreed. “Right. Yeah. Fair. But….uh, Alya?”
“Right.” She straightened as if making a Ladyblog vlog, “She’s 37 right?”
“Um.” Adrien squirmed a little at her question, “that sounds about right?”
Marinette was frowning, “you don’t know her birthday?”
“Of course I know her birthday.” That would be like not knowing his parent’s birthdays, “I asked that ages ago. I made her a card. I just, why would I ask her how old she is? That would be rude.”
“He has a point.” Nino said. “I mean, yeah, I’m not going to go ask Mme. Bustier how old she is.”
“31,” Alya said.
“How do you-,” but that wasn’t important, “I don’t see how Nathalie’s age is relevant.”
Both the girls shared a glance.
“OK, yes, say Alya’s right about her age then Nathalie could have kids. But she could have kids if she was older too. Do you really think my father wouldn’t do everything possible to get Nathalie a baby if she wanted one?”
Marinette winced, “within the bounds of what’s legally acceptable I hope, but otherwise.” She made one of her random noises, “yeah I guess he would. And like he’s really rich. And fertility treatments exist. I mean maybe they’d even fly to the US or somewhere like that and,”
“Exactly,” he freed her from needing to say anything more, “what’s more relevant is Nathalie’s health. She’s still sick.” And she deserved it. Except she didn’t because then his mother deserved to die.
And yes Adrien might be pretty secure with the fact his mom didn’t deserve to be revived at the cost of someone’s life. Especially with the fact he knew she wouldn’t want it. Nathalie had shown him the videos. And besides his own existence was a pretty big glaring announcement that his mom was ready to die if it meant someone else could live.
But it was harder to accept the idea that his mother deserved to die just because he’d been born.
Just because she loved him so much to risk having him at that cost.
Or loved the idea of him.
Because Adrien had seen the videos. Hs mom was a good person. He had to believe that.
Had to believe that part of him wasn’t as capable of turning the rest of the world upside down the way his father had. Because sometimes he looked and Marinette and felt like she was his entire being and he’d understand Hawk Moth in a way he never ever wanted to.
Especially with his Miraculous.
And he had to believe that his mother was good because if she was good and she’d loved his father, and borne Nathalie enough affection to call an employee by the informal, to entrust her with him and his father like a bosom friend, then maybe that meant there had to be something good in them too.
And that it was OK for Adrien to love them, just like it had been for her.
“Maybe,” Marinette bit her lip and Adrien had to force himself to listen to what she was saying and not just then that image burn into his retinas, “she could get better? I mean not that we could do anything to help her get better, but it. Um. I mean I would be nice it she could? If you wanted her to be?”
“I want Nathalie to get better,” it wasn’t fair for his father to get off scott-free and her not to, “that’s not the point I just didn’t…”
Nino learnt in, “didn’t what?”
His friend’s eyes were kind and that made it so much worse because none of them were going to understand why, “ever think about her having children. With my dad.”
Or honestly with anyone.
Whatever his feelings about what his father and Nathalie had done Adrien was glad that they were together now.
He’d been used to thinking of her as part of his family for years. Ever since she moved in when his mom got ill to help. The idea of some other random guy pulling her for his family, for her own children that he’d be nothing compared to felt like ash in his mouth.
“I mean she is the Ice Queen,” Nino joked.
Chat Noir or not for some reason Adrien wasn’t able to joke back, “there’s more to her than that. She’s just doing her job. And she’s doesn’t like people she doesn’t know. Not as much as my father doesn’t these days,” and that was another thing that Adrien wasn’t sure about because his father had been more sociable when he was younger but there was no way of knowing if that was because he had to because his brand was less established, or if it was his mother’s influence, or it was yet another way his father had changed into someone new in the privacy of his atelier.
“OK dude,” Nino held his hands up in surrender.
Alya was looking at him with narrowed eyes, “no offence if I’m wrong but I’m kind of getting the impression maybe you don’t want little half-siblings?”
“Uh,”
“No judgement! Seriously I am not trying to say that you should. You don’t even had to be happy about your father and Nathalie getting married.”
“No, I’m happy about my father and Nathalie getting married. She’s good for him,” and he got how stupid that sounded, Mayura being good for Hawk Moth, that the woman who had enabled his father’s worse impulses was good for him but, “she’s good making sure he remembers to stop working and that I exist.”
And now they were all looking at him with awkward horror again.
“You know sometimes I hate your dad,” Nino said.
Adrien shrugged. He did too. But he was still what he had left.
“I thought…are things not better now?” Marinette asked, and she almost made it sound like it was her fault when it wasn’t at all.
“No they’re better,” because they were and because how could he tell his friends that the reason his father let him out more now and his image was now one of a bunch of models and not the pervasive thing it had once been was because he and Ladybug had made it very clear to Gabriel Agreste that if he stuck one foot out of line his identity as the city’s supervillain was being announced to the world?
It was weird suddenly having all the power over his father instead of the other way round.
It was almost like not having a father.
Like they were roommates who just happened to have lived together Adrien’s entire life, and probably shared genetic material.
And who hadn’t fought each other and almost killed each other about whether or not they could save two women they bought loved.
Except then Adrien wouldn’t care.
And Adrien did care. He wanted his father to be his father. A proper father.
Just not one to anyone else.
“Besides,” he smiled and ignored how Marinette’s face changed as if she could see just how false his smile was, “he really is putting in an effort to manage to have some time with me. There’s no way he’d be able to stop working enough to looking after a baby.”