Chapter Text
Nanon’s contemplating getting a drink when he hears a call for his name. He turns around to see a whole bunch of his friends from the football club waving at him enthusiastically. Bright’s already on the stage with a mic in hand looking at him expectantly and he smiles back before placing the glass back on the table and jogging towards his friends. They’d just welcomed the bride and the groom to the stage to the tune of Flightless bird and now that they have said their vows and agreed to be each other’s for life, the festivities begin.
As soon as he jumps on the stage a cheer goes up from the crowd. Music bleeds over the cheers and they start singing as people gather around for the mini concert by Nanon and Bright. Nanon sings his heart out, eggs people on and plays it up for the cameras that are on him. This is what he loves doing the most. This is where he feels free, unencumbered by everything and anything. It’s almost as if it’s his second home; like he was always meant to be here.
Even though it was rough in the initial years where he was still trying to decide where exactly his strength lies. Should he be a singer or an actor? His initial try outs as a singer were horrendous and although acting came easy to him—courtesy of being born into a house of actors and being in commercials since a young age—he always wanted to be a singer. Now that he gets to do it, he feels elated. All those long nights, agonizing over music, lyrics and vocal lessons, and feeling like he would never be considered a half decent singer, seem like a long lost memory now.
Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Thana dancing along to the upbeat romantic song, her flamboyant, flirty gestures towards her friends creating ripples of laughter at the dance floor and he laughs audibly into the mic. Bright turns to him with a surprised quirk to his brow and Nanon shrugs, still laughing at the jolly mistake. He points towards Thana and belts out the last remaining lyrics. Oab and Alrissa are up next in the performance lineup but for now they too are dancing next to each other on the dance floor, looking like the very picture of a couple in love. Nanon finishes the song with an exaggerated bow, and high-fives Bright before making his way down to the dance floor. He wai’s thankfully to the appreciative audiences and notices the football gang hollering at him but before he can join them, he feels a hand on his shoulder.
He turns around. It’s Thana, and she is waving her phone in his face. Nanon squints a little before realizing that she is trying to show him a photo of Ohm in a full black outfit for the KFC live.
That’s right. It’s today . Ohm’s KFC live with Tay and a few other artists from different agencies. Thana’s probably keeping up with the schedule because her boyfriend is part of the program. That’s why Ohm had declined coming in as his plus one like he usually did whenever Nanon had to attend one of his friend’s weddings. Thana gives him a knowing wink and moves closer to speak in his ear.
Nanon lets her step into his space and bends down with a smile, paying full attention to her.
“Your boy looks good today.”
He laughs, a tad exaggerated and winces a little with a shake of his head. “He’s not my boy.”
Thanaerng just bats her eyes lasciviously at him with a “I know better” look.
Nanon laughs.
“Does he plan on joining you here afterwards?” She asks.
Nanon responds with a negative and moves to pull his phone out of his pocket.
Thana makes a surprised face at his response.
“We see too much of each other these days. It’s nice to spend some time apart.”
Thana rolls her eyes like she doesn’t believe him before saying. “I am asking because Jay’s joining me after the live show. You should tell Ohm to come along.”
Nanon shakes his head once again and starts to type something on his phone. He’s found it to be awfully convenient as a conversation killer and right now he does not feel like having this conversation with Thana. Luckily Thana picks up on his reticence.
“We’ll be by the fountain if you feel too lonely!” Nanon's faint smile doesn’t go unnoticed but before Thana can say another meaningful quip, Alrissa comes along and gently whisks her away towards the stage. Nanon sighs audibly, a little relieved at the rescue. He gives Oab a subtle nod of the head before finding an isolated spot in the giant wedding hall.
He checks the hashtag. She is right. He does look exceptionally good in an all black ensemble, not that Ohm can never not look good, regardless of whatever color or style he has on. Nanon particularly notices the way his shirt is unbuttoned and gulps. It is unnecessary really. It’s too much and a minute later he sees the video stepping in to avoid a nip slip as Ohm excitedly waves a red flag in the air to cheer Tay on. It makes his stomach rumble, something unexplained sits in his gut. His eyes are only on Ohm despite the fact that he is surrounded by fine men who are handsome all in their own right.
Ohm is all he cares about. Ohm is all he sees. Especially, with all that skin on display and the hair pushed back to reveal the beautiful heart shaped hairline. The phantom feeling of Nanon’s fingers tracing that hairline reignites in his fingertips and he almost hisses, desire uncoiling low in his belly.
His thumb flies over the screen as he scrolls through the tweets and bookmarks the ones he really likes. He chuckles when he sees Tay being his usual disastrous self—almost sabotaging the set— with the band mace as he tries to show off his skills with it. Arm is trying to keep the show running and Nanon giggles at the way he has to police everyone to make sure they stay in line. It's chaos through and through but people seem to be enjoying it. He scrolls through a few of the comments and chuckles at the frenzy. The fans seem to be going through it.
He takes a gander at the wedding hall and the people in it. It’s the first of many spring and summer weddings he is invited to and this one is definitely one to remember. It’s P’Boss’ wedding for one, Monday Knight FC’s crown jewel, and the wedding hall is decked out in lights and flowers. Despite knowing half the attendees here tonight Nanon can’t help but feel a little lonely .
Perhaps he has gotten used to Ohm’s constant, watchful, guiding presence. They have been spending too much time with each other. So much so that a day without having any interaction with Ohm feels overwhelmingly empty and shallow. As if he’s forgotten to do something important like breaking an old habit. He should be thankful for the days he gets to be by himself yet here he is looking at the people—couples—on the dance floor and he feels…incomplete.
Or maybe he’s gotten used to having a plus one at weddings. It started out as a joke—with Ohm inviting himself to one of his friend’s weddings when Nanon drunkenly confessed that he felt weird as the only “ single” amongst his many friends, most of whom were dating someone all the time .
He’s caught enough of them sneaking away for some private time to be affectionately nicknamed the "love gremlin" in the team’s group chat. It’s not like Nanon goes looking for them per se. It's just that he has the misfortune of finding them in recluse corners—ones that he goes to in order to catch up on messages and social media updates, or get his fill of nicotine to endure yet another social setting—and get some alone time. Like right now. He muses at the fact that the short pockets of time that he used to reserve for himself are now constantly plugged with the thoughts of a certain someone.
He lifts the vape to his lips, takes a deep inhale, closing his eyes as he cherishes the hit of nicotine. He exhales, almost like a sad cacophony of sighs, still ruminating about the way his thoughts always, always make their way to Ohm. He makes a futile attempt to rid himself of them at present but it does not work.
He is continuing the doom scrolling of the damned tag, chuckling a little at the havoc all these handsome men have caused for the fans when his thumb pauses on a video. He types out a dig at Tay for singing “Our Song” again, saying something along the lines of “You’ve got your own songs you know ”, to which Tay sends him a shrug emoji and tells him “Your songs suit my vocals more”.
He watches the video of Ohm singing and is pleased by the fact that he is getting more and more confident with it. He saves a few of them for good measure. Just so he has ammo for all the times Ohm gets too caught up in the vicious “I am not good at singing” thoughts.
He keeps scrolling through, clicking quickly as he bookmarks and zooms into a few of the photos, admiring the way Ohm’s body fits into the suit he’s wearing. He keeps at it until another video makes him halt. He brings the vape down, almost choking on smoke as he exhales shakily.
His eyes narrow.
It’s Ohm. More specifically it’s Ohm grinding on the floor when he’s supposed to be demonstrating eating an original tender deliciously. Of course, the riveting question in Nanon’s brain is: How does one end up grinding on the floor in that particular equation?
He is also interested in understanding the faces that Ohm makes as soon as he slips out of that plank. Nanon lets the video replay. Over and over and something thick and warm slides down his throat.
He can tell the exact second the lecherous idea crosses his best friend's mind because Ohm gets that telltale, devilish , smirk on his face before undulating his hips against the floor. P’Tay scrambles to stop him, panicking like a mother hen, as the rest of the party howls and titters behind their hands.
Ohm laughs that characteristic, booming, carefree laugh as he springs up from the floor and Nanon gets restless again. Thana’s words echo in his head. Should he? Should he text Ohm to join him?
He knows that Ohm is an introvert through and through—a fact, very few are aware of— and with the way they have been busy these days, he also knows that this one engagement would have taken its toll on him. He’ll be tired and wanting to go to bed early. And it’s not like they won’t be seeing each other the next morning. They have a fan call scheduled early in the day anyway.
He ponders for a bit—chewing on his lower lip—then decides against it. Nanon pockets the phone with a soft exhale, burying the pang of longing in his chest.
He should let Ohm rest.
It’s a weird dynamic they have built; they both need each other constantly, without question. It’s a tacit understanding that blankets them both every time they are together. They have yet to put a name to whatever it is and they seem to be in no hurry to do so either. Even when they look at each other like everything else is just a diffused dream; like nothing else matters besides. Nanon smiles ruefully remembering all the times fans have caught them longing—caught almost in a trance—love and untethered fondness obvious on their faces.
It’s mutual; that much he knows but every time they come close to discussing their “relationship” something stops them. They have named it “situationship” as an internal joke. On Nanon’s side; it's mostly fear. Fear of the unknown. He has been in relationships before. He’s had romantic liaisons with friends too; something about finding the ever elusive comfort in a warm, willing body from time to time. But with Ohm, everything feels different.
One of the most obvious ones is that Ohm is a guy in addition to being one of his closest friends. Ohm knows all about his past relationships, much like he knows about Ohm’s. They have both been each other’s devil’s advocates in matters of debauched affairs and the shoulder to cry on in matters involving the damned word starting with “L”.
Nanon isn't that ignorant to not know what the “ situationship” involving the two of them could lead to. In fact, he is pretty sure it has already passed the stage of being a casual affair. They simply just cannot be two guy friends helping each other out. It’s obvious to both of them. Yet they have both failed to voice it out. As if calling it out will necessitate the need to give it a name and a tangible existence.
This way it is easier. Their trysts may be consumed with a “need” that burns them inside out but it’s also shadowed by a fear of losing each other. If they don’t give it a name it will be fine. If they don’t discuss it outright, it’ll be fine.
So they keep at it. Keep getting lost in each other until they are exhausted and their bodies are bruised. They keep falling asleep in each other’s arms. Nanon wakes up early and keeps making Ohm breakfast before they have to be on their way to fulfill whatever schedule Kwang has laid out for them.
It’s convenient. The silence is bearable, despite being lined with a discomfort that pokes at his sides when they are apart. It’s funny that it’s only when they are apart that the uncomfortable, distressing question jabs at him, makes him wonder if it keeps Ohm up at night too. When together, they are too consumed by each other to think of anything else. Everything else feels like white noise. It’s just two bodies dancing to the tune of desire, making each other feel good without any of the complexities, the meaningless commotion that comes with emotions.
Nanon smiles to himself, telling his heart to calm down and pushes away from the gilded pillar he was leaning on. Maybe getting lost in the sweaty bodies on the dance floor will let him escape the need that has him in its vice grip. It’s insanity, he thinks to himself. It’s straight up bullshit that he wants to see Ohm, wants his hands on him just because of a twitter video of him being a scandalous goof. But it is how it is. He’d surrendered the moment he’d realized that there is no way to escape this feeling, not when Ohm is the same and adds gasoline to the fire that burns in the pit of his stomach.
A minute later he is mingling in the crowd, jamming along to the music with his characteristic old uncle dance moves that always bring about a whole lot of laughter to the fans. The dance party is only getting started and judging by the looks of, it will go on till late hours into the night. It’s Boss’ wedding anyway and he knows that the night will be long and booze will be plenty. So he lets loose and dances his heart out until red flushes his cheeks and sweat plasters the short bangs to his forehead. Somewhere along the way he discards the suit jacket as well as the vest of the navy blue ensemble he’s wearing. He’s doing his signature body roll with one of his soccer club mates when he feels the phone vibrate in his pocket.
He excuses himself to answer the call from Kwang.
“Yeah?” he says, rushing outside the hall into the spring wind that’s gently ruffling the trees. He brings out his vape again and takes a deep inhale, relishing the sting of smoke that goes down his dry throat.
“Do you need a ride back?” Kwang asks over the static. Nanon squints his eyes as if it’s going to help him hear better.
“No, I will hitch a ride back with someone here.”
“You sure? I can send a driver to pick you up if you plan on drinking?” The insinuation is clear. She is actually asking him if he intends to drink tonight or not, which is ridiculous because it’s a wedding. Of course he intends to drink. Maybe not a lot but just enough to tide over the ridiculous need that’s still simmering inside.
“Don’t worry, I won’t get drunk.” It’s true. He doesn’t plan to get drunk. One reason being he’s surrounded by his teammates who are ruthless to anyone who gets drunk in their company. It’s something he had to get used to and he has seen enough horror to avoid getting drunk at team events. The second one is more obvious because he has a schedule the next day and he would prefer it if he doesn’t show up with swollen eyes and a hangover from hell.
“Holding you to it Nanon. You know how worried I get about you drinking alone.”
“But I am not alone.” He says, exhaling the thick cloud of smoke through his nose. He feels a headache coming in already, probably because of dehydration.
“You know what I mean.” Kwang’s right. He knows exactly what she means. Ohm’s good at taking care of him whenever he is drunk.
“Two drinks, tops.” He says, resolutely. Kwang ‘tsks’ on the other end, clearly resigned.
“C’mon P’Kwang, it’s just boring old champagne. You know it won’t affect me as much.” He whines a little and Kwang heaves a sigh grumbling something about bubbles getting one intoxicated faster on the other end of the line. He chooses to dismiss the concern. Two glasses of champagne will do nothing to him. Ever since he started drinking he’s been hanging out with friends who have helped him gather enough tolerance to not be affected by a mere two glasses of champagne.
“I will make sure to sip it slowly.” Nanon says, and almost snorts at the ridiculousness of the situation. He’s a grown man for heaven’s sake and he is no stranger to drinks and hangovers, especially champagne induced ones. ‘Those are the worst’, he shudders thinking back to that one time he’d finished almost two bottles of champagne at one of the afterparties and had to crawl his way to the bed. It had taken him a whole day to recover, that too with the help of his mom’s hangover soup and Nonnie being an absolute darling with the way she had him excused from his engagements. He does not want a repeat of that situation, mostly because he is looking forward to meeting Ohm tomorrow.
He can almost see her shaking her head and laughs, because that’s an obvious sign of her giving up. He flies a fist through the air at the small victory and hangs up with “rak na jaa”.
Once back in the hall, he’s greeted with a glass being shoved into his hands and he chortles at the irony of it all. There is a call for dinner being served but the younger party keeps on dancing. He decides that he’s had enough of the dancing and slowly saunters over to the tables to keep himself busy with the pretense of eating.
He keeps his word and sips the champagne slowly. He’s not hungry but he still munches on some of the food and watches people go wild on the dance floor. Alrissa and Oab are firing things up, bouncing around the stage and urging people to dance their hearts out. Thana is still alone. He looks at the clock. Almost 9pm. The live show should have ended ages ago yet Jaylerr is nowhere to be found.
Almost on cue, he sees Thana brightening up like a firefly. She is waving her arms excitedly and Nanon follows her line of vision to see Jaylerr making his way towards her with a big smile and open arms. Thana flies towards him and it makes Nanon fond. It’s nothing strange to see the two of them being openly affectionate towards each other, especially on events that do not have the ever watchful gaze of public cameras.
They are listed as each other’s partners on their respective profiles. It’s pretty much a done deal. To Nanon they seem to be one of the few entertainment couples aside from Oab and Alrissa, who seem completely , unabashedly in love. Nanon had once asked Jaylerr about their love story too, on a regular late night out with a friend group all of them shared.
“Phi how did you know?” Nanon had asked, watching Thana chatting animatedly with her friends in the club.
“Know what?” Jaylerr had asked and Nanon had nodded towards Thana and Jaylerr had understood. Nanon was looking at him and had marveled at the way Jay’s eyes had immediately cleared up only to get doused again in a tempest of love and affection.
“It’s hard to explain.” Jaylerr was still looking at Thana and as if she knew, she had turned to look back with one of the smiles that was reserved for Jaylerr. “All I can tell you is that it was a process.” Jaylerr had turned towards him then and given him a tender, understanding smile.
“It didn’t happen at all in the beginning and then it was sudden, like a storm. But we took our sweet time. The attraction was almost fatal and thankfully mutual.” Jaylerr raises his beer glass towards Thana who glows and raises her own. Nanon had watched the exchange with a rapture of emotion and a longing wanting something similar. Jaylerr finished his drink and turned toward him. “I guess it helped that both of us were in it for the long haul. We weren’t looking for anything temporary, and once you make the decision to get to know each other on other than a superficial level, things fall into place. Eventually you know the person’s likes and dislikes, their tics and boundaries and everything starts to make sense. It’s almost a revelation.” Jaylerr continued, signaling the bartender for another drink.
“You’ll know when it happens kiddo! All it takes is a moment. A moment where you suddenly go ah so this is love, this is what forever feels like.” Jaylerr had patted him on his back and Nanon had shaken his head with a smile. “One suggestion though: be friends first. Believe me, it makes everything better and way more fulfilling.”
Nanon had nodded his head despite not entirely processing Jay’s comments, mostly because it was yet to happen for him. The moment. He’s been in love before but it was almost always a trainwreck and a tragedy. He’d chalk it up to his ill-fated often blaming that fact that he was perhaps too quick to fall in love but if what Jaylerr said is true, it stands to reason that perhaps he has yet to fall in love.
Regardless, little did he know that it would become all too clear to him just a few years down the line. It takes one person, a friendship cultivated over time, some difficult arguments and that “one” magical moment later down the line when your heart flickers open and decides on a forever. With Ohm he’s experienced it. He’s experienced it ‘all’. His heart’s decided but his reasonable, all-too-mature conscience keeps telling him ‘not yet’. And that’s why he curbs the feelings every time they rear their head from the trenches of his heart. ‘It's not time yet,” he reasons with them, ‘We have so much to do, so much to achieve.’ And as cruel as it sounds it makes sense. The world they live in is still unkind to such love and chances are that it will be a while before it becomes just another love, nothing different or devilish. Till it does, he’s fine with waiting.
But deep down he also realizes that these are excuses at best. Excuses his guilty conscience have fabricated out of his helplessness in the face of the torrential feelings, the environment they are in and the eyes that constantly follow them. He knows about the whispers that follow the two of them in GMM corridors and he’s pretty sure Ohm does too. They keep laughing them off in front of the people who tease them but the thief in their hearts knows better.
Because after every denial, they end up in each other’s arms, even more desperate than before; as if they are trying to erase the acidic denial with tender actions. Ohm always kisses him harder, leaves him bruised high up on the insides of his thighs and Nanon gives himself over to be ruined without any qualms willing his heart to behave but his body keeps telling him that this is one pleasure which is never followed by guilt as pleasures often do for him.
Nanon is shaken out of his thoughts when Boss asks him why he’s not eating. He looks concerned, rightfully so, because he has barely touched his food. But Nanon shakes his concerns off saying something about not being hungry. Boss is accompanied by his beautiful wife, decked out in a glorious white gown and Nanon gets up to greet her. They chat for a while and he wishes her well again before excusing himself to go to the bathroom.
It’s almost 11 now and he is pretty sure that Ohm would either be in the gym or already on his way home to sleep. He wants to reach out to Ohm, hear his voice but he refrains from it, making do with videos and pictures from the live which ends up being a bad idea because the longing comes back ten-fold. Ohm looks too good to be left alone tonight. More importantly, he does not want to be alone tonight. Maybe it’s the wedding and all the love around him that’s making him think this way but Nanon needs Ohm. Maybe a text wouldn’t be a bad idea. He’s half sure that Ohm will probably not even respond because it’s too late.
He is splashing his face with cold water, in a futile attempt to calm himself down, when his phone buzzes. He wipes his hands and dries his face with a face towel, unlocking his phone without checking the screen. He’s stopped by another fellow team member on his way out of the bathroom and he chats with them for a bit before getting another notification that reminds him that he has messages left unread.
He swipes to the chat app and stills.
“Come outside, your ride is here ;-)”
Nanon’s heart stutters in his chest and he stares at the message lit up with a dim blue light on his screen.
It’s from Ohm.
Ohm is outside.